Whispers and Songs
by Howling Armadillo
Summary: When Ben (SI) first finds himself in Ylisse, his first goal is to get out as fast as possible. But all of that starts to change as he discovers the depth of the connections he has to this new world. The world of Fire Emblem is lethal, especially to outsiders, but to run means leaving behind far more than just the war. It means leaving behind a new family as well...
1. Chapter 1

_The sky is black. The land is shrouded in darkness. The wind howls, carrying the heat of distant fires burning so hot that even hours later the air is sweltering._

 _A lone figure stands on a precipice, gazing into the darkness below. Their frame is stooped, weary, defeated._

 _The sight of the world they have failed weighs heavily on their shoulders. They could have prevented this. They could have changed things. Now there is but one chance. They look behind them. A sword stands planted in the ground. At its base is a battered box with a tattered book. A memoir of their lack of power._

 _How few are left to find it? No doubt they have long since left this ruined world behind, those few that lived this long._

 _It matters not._

 _Only one thing left to do. One way to set things right._

 _They do not know if they have the strength to do it. They stare into the void, torn by the weakness of indecision. A heartfelt plea is whispered on the wind, though it has no intended recipient._

 _"I want to die."_

 _An answer comes. They do not comprehend it. They let their despair carry through the air._

 _Time is up._

 _Nowhere to go but back._

* * *

You know, before today, if you were to ask me: "Hey Ben, what's your life like?" I'd say "pretty boring". I work at a Walmart, play the saxophone, sing in a choir, and spend a shitload of time gaming. A whole lot of average stuff that nobody would ever look twice at. When you consider that I'm well into my twenties, you'd probably even change that assessment to 'below average'.

Then today happened and suddenly my life is completely fucked. Long story short I've travelled back in time. Don't ask me how it happened because I don't know. One second I'm lounging on the couch grinding my Pokémon, the next I'm in the middle of a fucking renaissance fair. There might have been some sort of acid trip in the middle, but as somebody who's never touched drugs in their life I have no way of knowing for sure, so I'm just trying to forget that part.

I've been wandering around for at least an hour now, trying to figure out where I am, but all anybody has been willing to tell me is "South." South of what, I don't know, I'm dressed in my regular future clothes, so everyone seems to think I'm some kind of nutjob. It's one thing to be thankful for at least, not having to wear the crappy medieval peasant clothes. That shit looks scratchy as hell. What's more, whoever orchestrated this little time warp also had the good sense to give me my coat and boots, so I'm not running around in my bare feet.

Very polite of whatever cosmic force dumped me here. Ten outta ten, would travel again.

Hear that, cosmic forces? Take me home please!

I pinch myself again to confirm for the like, fiftieth time now that I'm not dreaming and wince. My arm is starting to bruise from how often I've done this. Not that I really think I'm dreaming. I heard once that when you dream your brain doesn't actually question what's happening. It just takes everything in stride. And I am questioning everything.

"Seriously, where the fuck am I?" I yell out loud to prove my point.

"South town." An old lady yells out the window of her house. "Now will you stop pacing around out there, you're scaring my grandkids!"

"South of fucking WHAT TOWN!?" I bellow at her.

She takes my bullshit in stride, thankfully. "You daft or something boy? This is Southtown. The biggest trade town in southern Ylisse. You some kind of crazy?"

I gape at the woman for several long seconds. "Apparently." I gape a few seconds longer at her, before marching down the street, yelling over my shoulder. "Thank you kindly!"

"If you're going to leave, do it quickly! I don't like you!" She screeches after me.

"Charming." I mutter.

So, I'm in Southtown. In Ylisse. Which is a country in fucking Fire Emblem. I look around in search of something to confirm this, but it looks like any normal medieval town. So really unless a wyvern comes flying through or I start to see that prologue chapter happen with Chrom and friends I have no way of knowing for sure if that lady was telling the truth.

Maybe she was just crazy in exactly the right way to make me think that I'm in a video game? That could happen right?

Yeah no, I'm definitely about to get hacked apart by bandits. Not how I thought I'd go out. Always figured I'd get a heart attack from the metric fuckton of junk food I eat on a regular basis.

"Welp, if I am in a game, might as well go where the action's going to be." I mutter to myself. "Where's that fucking church at."

It doesn't take me long to find my way around once I've realized where I am. The church is at the center of town, across the river from the market. And the river is not hard to spot. With a few notable exceptions I have a pretty good sense of direction, and unlike my world, Southtown seems to abhor stupid looping roads that don't go anywhere. When people can't use cars to get everywhere there's a lot more focus on convenient infrastructure, apparently. Nobody wants trouble accessing the river in a world without plumbing.

Fucking hell there's no plumbing here I need to get home fast.

The market is bustling when I finally find it, which is a good sign as far as I'm concerned. I have no desire to get caught up in a fight, I'm mostly just here to confirm things. That said, I have no real wish to be caught with my pants down when the bandits do arrive…

What I need is a good vantage point. I spot a couple buildings on the west side of the square that have sturdy looking roofs, so I slip around to that end and hop up onto one by stacking some crates. It looks to be an inn of some kind, though I can't really read the language here. Fucking fantasy worlds always need to make up their own letters just so they can say they're legit. Anyways, it takes some doing, but I manage to wriggle my way onto the roof of the two story building with a whole lot of trouble.

Nothing to do now but wait. And catch my fucking breath.

* * *

I don't have my phone with me, so it's hard to say how long I've been on that roof before the bandits show up. It's probably been at least an hour though. Luckily for everyone down below, they get plenty of warning. A few good Samaritans come running into the square screaming about the impending bandits, and everyone starts to scatter. Most make their way across the river to hide in the church, though some bar themselves in the nearest homes.

I make sure to duck my head low when the bandits finally show themselves, though I hear them coming long before that. A pack of ugly, snarling idiots, kicking wagons over, lighting things on fire, and generally making a nuisance of themselves. A few of them scatter to the nearby houses and start hacking at doors, but most head for the church.

So far it's all according to script. All I have to do now is wait and see if Chrom shows up to rout the enemy. And then…

"Hmm…" I muse, "I don't really have a plan for what the fuck to do, do I?"

Whether I'm stuck in the plot or not, I really don't have a clue what to do after this. I still need to find a way back home. While stuck in an uncertain world with no idea what waits around the corner.

There's a way to fix some of this… but I really don't want to do it. I have no interest in involving myself in a game story with permadeath, especially without a reset button handy. I have no training to speak of, after all. Just a few years of taekwondo from when I was a teenager, and a complete lack of empathy for like, 95% of the human race. That last one might come in handy, but I don't really like to dwell on that particular dysfunction of mine.

On the other hand, one of the bandits is right below me, and seems to have a rather troubling interest in the women holed up across the street. And that just sets off some rather personal issues of mine.

I have no weapons, but I'm six feet tall and more than two hundred pounds. A lot of that weight is muscle, but probably not enough to take on a guy who makes his living killing people. "Because these aren't really bandits, they're trained soldiers playing pretend." I mutter aloud.

The not-bandit is hacking at the door with a pretty fucking repulsive leer on his face, and he's almost through. I measure the distance between him and my roof. The street is narrow, but still I'm going to need one hell of a jump if I'm going to get an assist from gravity like I want. Maybe I can ambush him once he's in there? But I really don't want to give him a chance to put his hands on anybody. Should I take a run at it?

Oh wait. The stupid fucker is backing up. I guess he just wants to charge through what's left of the door in one go? He's clearly an impatient dumbass, but right now I'm not complaining.

The guy licks his lips and chuckles as he takes his position. He actually stamps his foot on the ground like a fucking bull. He lowers his head, raises his arm, and takes exactly two steps before I land feet first on his head.

He hits the ground harder than I do, and that's saying something. His head hits the ground with a very loud crack, before my weight carries me forward and I roll across the street. My head swims as it rolls against the cobblestones, and I hit the wall of the house the dumbass was breaking into hard.

"Ow fuck. What the fuck was I thinking?" I grimace as I haul my fat ass off the ground. "I could have broken my fucking neck doing… that." I pause as I look over at the guy I landed on. "Yeah… just like that. Fuck, okay."

Well shit, I guess I killed a dude. I mean, that was the intention, you don't jump on a guy's head from the second story of a building unless you're out for blood, but wow. I just… killed somebody.

I look over at the door next to me. It's ready to collapse. Right. That wasn't a person. That was a monster. Barely human. Or all too human. Not sure where my mood falls on that particular philosophical debate at the moment. Better to just push that aside for now.

I peer in through the hole in the door. "Everyone all right in the- WHOA SHIT!" I lurch back as a fire poker nearly takes my eye out. "HOLY FUCK, I'M FRIENDLY, JACKASS."

I hear a few voices muttering on the other side of the door, and compose myself. "Okay, we're going to try this again. I'm going to approach the door, and I'm going to ask if you're alright now that the _bandit is dead_. And then we're going to proceed from there, alright?"

I wave a hand in front of the door, then stick my head out again. "Okay, you all doing fine in here?"

The poker is being held by a woman in her forties or so with a fierce look on her face. Behind her are an elderly couple, two children, and a young man with an arm in a sling. The man's holding a table leg, but the woman is clearly the one to be reckoned with. "Who are you?"

"Just a passerby who really hates people like that." I shrug, before looking to the man. "You pick a fight with these guys?"

"Got kicked by a horse last week." He replies dourly.

"Oof. Bad timing there." I wince sympathetically. "Alright, well you all seem okay, so I'm going to go do something stupid. Probably get myself killed. You guys just stay put and gouge the eyes out of any dumbasses who try to bust in, alright?"

"What!?" The woman cries out in shock as I walk over to the bandit I killed. "You can't be meaning to fight them all on your own?"

"Fuck, I hope not." I wince as I pick up the axe the man was using. "I don't have any more stupid tricks to play, so that would end poorly. I'll see if I can't get at least one or two more though."

"Don't be a hero, young man! There's no need to throw your life away!" The old man calls out.

"I'm not a hero. I just hate people like this." I grab the man's coin purse, muttering under my breath, "Waste not, want not."

"Don't do it!" The woman calls after me as I set down the road.

"Wish I could follow that advice." I say to myself. "Unfortunately, the only path I can take with predictable outcomes involves getting noticed by the right people."

It's not as hopeless as it might seem. I have a weapon now, one that requires very little finesse to use. And while I've never been what anyone would call 'in shape', I have a lot of raw muscle. As long as I can manage to hit somebody, they're going to go down.

The tricky part is going to be making sure I get that hit off.

I look out over the marketplace. There's two guys way down the road from me, both too busy with the house they're breaking into to pay me any mind. The rest are still across the bridge. I imagine they'll stay there, trying to get into the church until the Shepherds arrive and catch their eye. So if I can sneak around them, I can ambush, take one down immediately, and then only contend with one.

"What the Hell? RODNEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YA?" I blink, and turn. Two bandits, one with a sword, the other with an axe, both weapons dripping with gore. They're staring at the man I killed in shock, but I have all of two seconds before they turn their attention to me.

There were more straggling behind. Why did I not consider that? What the fuck was I thinking? This may be the prologue scenario, but it's not a real fucking game! Who says reinforcements can't show up? Why would all the bandits move together? They're pillaging, there's no fucking order to what they're doing!

"I'LL GUT YOU FOR THAT YOU FAT SHIT!"

Great, now I've wasted my two seconds berating myself, and my feelings are hurt. I know he's grieving his asshole rapist wannabe friend, but does he have to pick at my insecurities like that? "I'm suddenly not feeling this whole bandit-killing thing anymore." I grumble to myself. "Did he have to fucking go there?"

This is not a good time, brain! Holy fuck don't do this right now, I know you have some issues to work through but we can't do that if our head gets cleaved open! Let's channel that depression into something more productive, like hate!

The two bandits start running at me yelling, and I take a moment to work myself up. Okay, it's fine. They're coming to kill you, no big deal. You're not sad they called you fat. You're pissed. They're not people, they're monsters wearing human skin, and you hate them. You hate their shitty murdering guts and you want them to die. Kill them, fuck them up, rip them to fucking piecesgutthemhackthemapartgokillhateHATETHEM.

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" I bellow at the top of my lungs and rush to meet them. The yell proves to be very important, since my time singing and playing different instruments over the years has given me fucking ridiculous lung power. When I hit top volume I run serious risk of deafening myself, something that I know from my rather troubled teenage years.

When I yell at them, it's loud enough that the guy in the back, the one with the axe, trips in shock. The swordsman winces, but continues undeterred.

It probably only takes like two seconds before we reach each other, but it feels so much longer than that. I gauge the timing pretty well, and swing the axe two handed into the guy's neck. The intimidation factor clearly worked well, since his blow misses my body completely. I rip the axe out and turn to face the other fucker, who's practically on top of me. I step forward to swing at him and-

My leg gives out. Which is actually a good thing, since I manage to collapse under a blow that would probably have decapitated me. But I'm also not standing, which means I'm in a shitload of trouble. What the fuck happened?

Oh. Oh fuck that sword got me after all, apparently. My jeans are slashed open, and my thigh is bleeding all over the fucking place. That'll be fatal if it's not looked at soon. Oh well, gotta not die before I can work on not dying. I'm in a fight!

The prick with the axe is overbalancing, having expected a nice squishy neck to stop his swing, so I put as much strength as I can into a low swing that nearly takes his foot off. It's taking all my fortitude not to stop and shudder at that one. What is it about foot injuries that freaks me out? It's like those nasty surgery shows on TV my dad always watches, it's cringy as fuck.

The dude falls back with a scream, and I fall on him more than swing, sticking the axe in his chest. He stares down in horror for a moment, raising his hands to the wound, before passing out from shock. It'll probably take a while before the wound kills him, since his ribcage did its job and stopped me hitting anything vital.

I study the axe I was using before deciding to just grab the one from my most recent victim. I use it as a crutch and haul myself to my feet. Yeah, I'm not moving anywhere now, my leg is fucked. I think I'm done for the day. Just as well, I've been getting by so far on luck more than anything, and I've never had an abundance of good luck in life. Maybe I'll see if that group from before can stop me from dying-

"LOOK OUT!"

I whirl around in alarm, bringing my axe up. Turns out my luck isn't quite gone yet, since that stops a blow that would have ripped my chest open. It's the bandits I had been eyeing earlier. Right, they probably heard me yelling and ran over here. Guess I can't quit yet…

Oh.

I'm… not standing anymore. I'm actually crumpled against the inn.

I guess when I blocked the guy he actually sent me flying? Nothing else would explain this.

My vision's swimming.

The guy who hit me is advancing with pretty clear intentions. Behind him I can see his buddy at the house from earlier. He's dodging the poker while trying to get through the door. The lady must have been the one to warn me. Nice of her.

The house looks like it's a million miles away from here. Thankfully the guy seems to be afraid of that woman, because he's running like crazy. Can't blame him, I wouldn't want to fight her either.

Well at least they'll be alright.

I'm going to die though. That sucks.

I don't want to die.

The bandit raises his arm to swing. He has eyes only for me.

He doesn't even see the knight on horseback.

Hell, I barely see him. One second there's a bandit about to split my skull, then for a brief instant, his body twists as a lance runs through his neck. The horse towers over him, and the knight… well I don't have the energy to lift my eyes and see him. His feet are impressive though. Very shiny. They stay in front of my for just a brief moment but the image is burned into my mind. Then both he and the bandit are gone.

A very impressive man with a cape and a fancy sword rushes into view behind them. He looks at me with a mixture of horror and relief, "Gods, he's still alive. Lissa!"

"I've got him!" A teenage girl with pigtails and a staff suddenly fills my view. "You're going to be alright big guy!"

"Oh good." I mumble. "I was getting pretty fucking worried."

"Don't talk, save your strength!" She orders sternly. I don't feel much like arguing with her… until the wires in my brain seem to connect properly.

"Oh hey, you're Lissa." I mumble. "The Shepherds. That's cool. Did I pass?"

She blinks in confusion. Says something. I don't really hear her.

Hope she says yes though. I really don't want to audition again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone, I'm not uploading this one two minutes before I leave for work so you get a proper Author's note this time!**

 **Big thanks to everyone who reviewed, followed, or favorited the first chapter. Hell thanks to you if you so much as looked at it. I'm glad to see it got such a good response. Especially since I literally wrote it three different times. Seriously, trying to find a good way to open a story like this was really fucking hard, I deleted at least fifteen pages of work because I just couldn't find a way to open things that felt natural without hanging off of canon too much. This is intended as a novelisation of sorts, but I'm going to avoid the actual game dialogue as much as possible. If I took too much from the game I'd feel like writing this at all was pointless.**

 **This isn't to say I'm aiming for a completely original thing, I doubt I'm going to do what stories like Cycle do and go off in a completely new direction. And as one reviewer pointed out, even my approach of having OC show up in town confused isn't anything new (off the top of my head birth and re-death does a very similar thing). But hey, like I said in the summary, this is self-indulgent bullshit, so I'm not too fussed about all that.**

 **Last thing, just in case anyone was wondering, the story art is an actual drawing of me. Roughly. I drew it with the intent of it looking like me, but I'm pretty out of practise so it's probably not the _most_ accurate thing? Better than my decade old southpark looking profile pic though, so it's good.**

 **Anyways, I've rambled enough for now. Chapter time!**

 **EDIT: Thanks to reviewer WordBirdNerd for pointing out a bit of a plot hole I stumbled into with Lissa's note. The chapter has been revised so that later details make sense.**

* * *

I wake up feeling very lightheaded. I'm also very much not in the street anymore. There's a wooden ceiling above me, and from the light shining across the walls, it looks to be near sundown.

I sit up wearily once I've judged that I'm not going to throw up or pass out again or something. I'm in a simple room with several other beds. There's nobody else here though. Just a bottle with a note on the table, and my clothes, which are sitting in a chair.

"... I can't understand a word of this." Guess the written language is different, even if we're all speaking English. I toss the note aside and grab the bottle, pulling the stopper from the top and taking a sniff. "Oof. That's medicine, all right." Unfortunately for me the bottle doesn't have any measurements marked on it, so I have no way of knowing how much to take. Best to hold off for now. I sigh, hauling myself up and looking myself over. "Huh. I'm in my briefs. Feel bad for whatever poor motherfuckers had to see me in this state." My leg looks fine for the most part, though there's a nice scar where I got my leg slashed. Lissa clearly did her job right.

I glance over at the chair and get my stuff together. The pants seem to be donated, which isn't all that surprising considering what happened to my leg. A bit tight, but not uncomfortably so. The rest of the clothes are my usual attire. Black jacket, grey sweater, green t-shirt. My favorite clothes for when I need to leave the house. Or not leave the house. They're my favorite clothes for the days I can't get away with lounging in my pyjamas all day.

I feel a lot better once I'm dressed. Well, a little better at least. I find myself cringing when I consider that Lissa probably had to examine me while I was undressed…

Fuck, she may be a healer but she's also a princess. That is not something she should have had to look at… I do not have an attractive body.

"Okay stop." I slap my cheeks a few times to snap myself out of it. "Not the time for this shit. Now is the time for figuring out what happened after I almost died." I pause, and look back at the table. "Also for figuring out how much of that shit I'm supposed to take." It's probably a vulnerary, which means by game logic I drink a third of the bottle, but I'm not taking game logic for granted any time soon.

I recork the bottle, and it seems sealed well enough that I figure I can get away with just sticking it in the pocket of my jacket and heading for the door. My shoes are lying at the foot of the bed, and I squeeze my feet into them eagerly, before frowning as I realize they untied them when they removed them.

"I understand entirely but do not approve in any way, shape, or form." I grumble, sitting down to tie them up properly. I've never liked the hassle of constantly fighting with shoelaces, so I always just tie any pair of shoes I have once and then break them until I can slip my feet in and out.

I look back at the window. Yeah, the sun's definitely going down. The Shepherds will probably be making camp and hunting for bear right about now. It sucks I passed out before I could convince them to let me in, but maybe if I'm lucky I can catch up to them in Ylisstol and talk to them there.

Well, I'm certainly not leaving tonight. Besides, it sounds like they're throwing a party downstairs, and I haven't eaten since breakfast.

I find my way to the stairs and ease myself down, still feeling stiff after getting my shit kicked in earlier. The tavern at the entrance to this place seems to be bustling; no doubt full of people drinking away the stress of nearly dying today.

I emerge from the stairwell and freeze as everyone's eyes turn to me. The Shepherds included.

"Look who's up and about!" A voice calls from the back, and the room fills with cheers.

I'm surrounded by people immediately, and have to do my best not to look uncomfortable with the attention.

"Let me buy you a drink, lad!"

"You're the hero of the hour!"

"You must be some kind of crazy taking them on alone like that!" Can't argue there.

"All right, all right!" Chrom cuts through the crowd easily. "Let's give the poor man room to breathe!" He places a hand on my shoulder and firmly guides me to his table. "Let's get you something to eat friend, you've more than earned it!"

"Thank you kindly." I let myself relax as the crowd returns to their tables. "Not big on crowds."

"I could tell." Chrom chuckles as he reaches the table. "Now then, Lissa told me you know who we are, but let's do introductions anyways. I'm Chrom, and these are my Shepherds. My sister Lissa," the girl in question is helping herself to dinner, but she gives me a big wave all the same. "Our guardian, Frederick." He gestures to the knight.

"My hero." I say with a grin. "I'd be dead if not for you."

"Pleased to be of service." Frederick replies with a curt nod. He seems to still be determining what to make of me.

"And last but not least, our newest recruit, as of today. This is Robin, an able tactician, swordsman, and spell caster." The tactician looks just like his default male setting from the game, white hair and all.

"You made my job a lot easier today!" Robin lifts a mug of beer in salute.

"You flatter me." I wave dismissively. "If anything my wounded ass must have been a liability."

"You were no trouble at all." Chrom replies. "If nothing else it was a good way to keep Lissa away from the fighting. She likes to hover, even when it isn't safe." Oh cool, so I gave her something to babysit. That's nice.

"Tactless." Lissa elbows Chrom angrily, before mercifully changing the subject. "Hey, you take that medicine I left for you?"

I jump on the topic eagerly, if only to take my attention away from the looks Frederick and Robin are giving to a very confused Chrom. "Oh right, I wanted to ask about that. I'm not from around here, so I couldn't actually read the note?"

"Oh really?" Lissa goes pink. "I guess I should have thought of that, drat! I worked up an appetite healing everyone, so I was in a rush to eat. It's not an exact thing, but typically a third of the bottle will do for most injuries." Huh. Game logic prevails this time. I pull the bottle out of my pocket, eye it carefully, and take a swig. A third of a bottle is basically a mouthful for me. Well, even if I'm off Lissa said it wasn't exact.

The tonic warms my gut and clears the fog out of my head almost immediately. "Damn, that's potent stuff!" I exclaim, looking at the bottle in wonder. "This magic or something?"

"Not magic, just a mix of herbs meant to help stimulate blood production in the body and act as a general pick-me-up." Lissa grins. "It's great as a follow-up after I've treated somebody. My magic closes wounds, but it can't put the blood back in."

"Cool." The innkeeper sets a plate of chicken, bread, and vegetables in front of me, and I turn aside to give him a quick thank-you before digging in. "I remember having a bit of a problem with that before I passed out. Damn this is good." I'd eat anything after the day I've had, so a well-seasoned chicken breast is downright luxurious. And the bread is filled with seeds and grains that blow anything I've had out of the water.

"Yeah, it was pretty close." Lissa's smile strains. "When we saw that guy hit you we thought you were dead."

"Surprised I lived at all, honestly." I shrug as I load a fork with carrot and potato. "Considering that's the first fight I've ever been in I think I came out pretty well."

"What!?" Lissa and Robin gape, and even Frederick looks taken aback. "You beat three trained soldiers single-handedly in your first ever fight?"

"I guess?" I stop and think on it. Fuck, yeah I guess I did alright, huh? Still… "The first one wasn't really a fight though. I just jumped off a roof and landed on him. And then got really, really fucking lucky with the other two. I made a lot of really dumb decisions back there, honestly."

Robin frowns as he thinks on it. "Perhaps seeing their friend killed made them act rashly? You do have a large stature, broad shoulders, and a loud voice. I could hear you yelling from the town entrance. Intimidation probably played a huge part in that victory. Inadvertent psychological warfare!" He pulls a book, quill, and inkpot from his bag in the blink of an eye and starts scribbling notes.

"What he said." I point at him with a shrug.

"Looks like you're rather tactless too, huh Robin?" Lissa deadpans across the table.

"Ah, let him do his thing." I reply with a chuckle. "If he can make use of it in the future then I'm not going to make a fuss."

"Much obliged. For what it's worth, I do genuinely find your results today impressive." Robin nods as he works. "By the way, could I get your name please, for my notes?"

"My… oh shit!" I slap my head angrily as the realization hits me. "I totally forgot to introduce myself! Sorry about that! You can call me Ben!"

"Nice to meet you, Ben!" Lissa replies cheerfully.

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance." Frederick nods.

"I've got it." Robin nods as he scratches away at his book.

"So, where are you from, Ben?" Chrom glances nervously towards Lissa, as though worried he might say something to upset her again. "The townspeople say they've never seen you around here before, and your clothing is like nothing I've ever seen. Not to mention you say you have a different written language?"

Ah yes. The million dollar question. I could make something up, but there's so many ways for that to go wrong it's barely worth thinking about. Better to just be straightforward about it. "I'm from a country called Canada."

The others look at each other in confusion. Robin is the first one to break the silence. "Okay, it makes sense that I'd be confused, but none of you have heard of it either?"

"Be weird if they did know it." I shrug. "I'm… pretty sure it's on the other side of the Outrealm Gate."

The silence amongst the group is deafening, even as the other patrons revel around us. "Still clueless!" Robin raises a hand. "What are you talking about?"

"Uhh…" I pause. "Okay, my world has some stories about this place, but it's not exactly detailed on that subject. I just know the gate connects to places separated from here by more than distance."

"And you're sure you came through that gate?" Frederick's tone reeks of skepticism. "There's no chance that you're simply confused?"

"You guys said it yourself: my clothing is clearly not from around here. Hell, I'm pretty sure this jacket has materials in it that don't even exist in this world." I look down at my jacket and wonder to myself when plastic was invented. Well after the time Fire Emblem is based on at any rate.

"And there's no chance your home is overseas?"

"Definitely not. They've got the world completely mapped where I come from. They have literally looked at the planet from space to figure out what everything looks like. No way they missed this entire continent." I can't help but grin at the incredulous looks everyone is giving me. "Yeah, we figured out a lot of crazy shit where I come from."

"Space, as in, higher than even a Griffin can fly? That could be brilliant for battlefield surveillance!" Robin grins as he starts scribbling notes down again. "Flying mounts are hardly discreet, and draw enemy fire easily, but if you could find a way to watch from above their range it could give you a huge advantage. Though one would have to come up with a way to compensate for cloud cover…" He carries on muttering to himself as his quill flies across the paper. This dude is intense when he's plotting, holy shit.

"Uh huh, you know what I'm just going to ignore him for now." I look back to the others. "Anyways, my world is a lot more scientifically advanced than this one, but we also don't have magic. Like, at all. Spells, dragons, and Pegasus are strictly the stuff of fairy tales."

"Your world doesn't have Pegasus?" Lissa looks horrified.

"Fraid not." I shrug. "Our world has a lot of things yours doesn't of course, but we had to invent most of it ourselves."

"Anything you'd be willing to share?" Chrom's curiosity is written all over his face.

"Uhh… maybe?" I think it over. "I'm not sure how far Ylissean science has come in comparison to my home world. And I'm also not sure what we have that you guys can't do better with magic. I'm also not a scientist, so I don't have an expert opinion to give you. So yeah, it would take a lot of research to even determine what could be useful. But I'm willing to give it a shot, at least."

"A great many conditions to overcome." Frederick stares levelly at me. "Sounds like a lot of false hope to me."

"And if I didn't have concerns to give you'd say it sounded too convenient." I roll my eyes.

"Ooh, Frederick, he's got you figured out!" Lissa giggles. Chrom hides a grin behind his mug.

"My point is that he is giving a great many excuses so soon after making his claim."

"The point of presenting these obstacles now is to make it clear that I am not giving you false promises." I glare at him "I will not claim an ability to offer something if I cannot offer it. That would be completely fucking stupid."

"You don't need to concern yourself with proving your worth." Chrom cuts in firmly. "You have the potential to make the lives of Ylisseans better. That is all I care about, that and your own well-being. I would not ask you to perform miracles for me, Ben. But I would at least, ask that you try."

"Try to perform a miracle huh?" I grin teasingly at him, "My, my, this prince is a demanding one."

Chrom blinks at that, playing back the conversation in his head. When he realizes how his request sounded he makes a rather comical show of backtracking. "Oh! No, I didn't mean to imply- I would be thrilled by anything you could do, I don't want to ask the impossible of you!"

"It's cool, man." I shrug, "I know what you meant. Just screwing with you a little."

"Hold on!" Robin raises a hand again as he sets his book aside. "I think I must have tuned out at the wrong moment. What's this about Chrom being a prince?"

Lissa bursts into laughter at the bewildered look on his face, and even Frederick cracks a grin. "Uhh, surprise!" Chrom throws his arms wide. "I was hoping to keep that a secret for longer, honestly."

"My bad." I shrug. "Didn't think you were hiding it. You've got that birthmark thing clearly visible."

"Well it's not that we're hiding it." Chrom's grin turns mischievous. "But imagine the look on his face if he found out once we were in the capital!"

I chuckle at that. Maybe I shouldn't have spilled the beans. I don't think telling Robin early will screw with anything, but man it would have been funny to wait. If memory serves he doesn't learn that tidbit of info in-game until he's already seen the Exalt.

"So how is it that you recognize the Brand of the Exalt?" The moment of levity breaks as Frederick turns back to me in full interrogation mode.

I give him a look to show how not impressed I am with him. "I said we had stories about this place. Like fairy tales. There are tales about prince Chrom, fighter of bandits and slayer of dragons, and his band of shepherds protecting the people of Ylisse. I have little doubt it's exaggerated of course, most stories are." Plus, if all goes as it should it will be Robin who slays the dragon.

"I should hope so!" Chrom looks intensely uncomfortable with the idea of being a story character. If he had any idea how deep that rabbit hole really goes it would probably fuck him up pretty good.

Yeah, the fairy tale thing was me testing the waters. And surprise, surprise! Telling the cast of Fire Emblem that they dance like puppets for the amusement of my universe is clearly a bad idea. If they don't like being in stories they will flip the fuck out if I explain to them what a video game is. Plus I don't want them to know that I know what will happen.

Nobody wants to be the guy who knows the future. Too much responsibility, too much hassle. Too much potential to break the all too fragile human mind. Besides, I don't intend to stick around until everything is over. If I have any say in the matter I'll have found my way home by the time the war with Plegia starts.

"Ben! You alright there?" I snap out of my reverie as Lissa waves a hand in front of my face. "You were spacing out big time!"

"Sorry!" I grin ruefully. "What did I miss?"

Lissa grins "I wanted to know what the stories said about me!"

"Uhh…" I consider what to tell her. "Not much. There's a couple of stories where you heal Chrom after a big fight, and they mention that you're a princess, of course. But for the most part they're about Chrom. A few other people are mentioned by name as well, like Frederick."

"Who else makes it into these stories, then?" Chrom asks, clearly eager to see who else gets dragged into my fictional… fiction.

I hum thoughtfully, considering what names to give. Nobody who joins the Shepherds later on, that would raise too many questions. Meaning Robin is out as well, since he only joined today. "Let's see, there's Frederick the Steadfast," Frederick straightens a bit at that, "Sully the Fierce, Vaike the Wild, and… oh yeah! Kellam the Unseen!"

Chrom and Lissa laugh at that last one. Frederick looks at them in confusion. "I wasn't aware the Shepherds had a soldier by that name." Chrom blinks at that, then starts laughing even harder. Lissa looks fit to fall out of her chair.

I can't help but chuckle myself. "I see the title is appropriate!"

"Very much so!" Chrom laughs. "Honestly, the poor man has to try so hard to get any sort of attention at all. Really, this will make his day!"

"Ah, it seems my foreign knowledge is already paying dividends!" I wave my hands theatrically.

Chrom waves a server over. "I think this calls for a toast!" He announces to the table. It looks like the Shepherds get top quality service as the heroes of the day, because we have beer in front of us in mere moments.

I'm not much for drinking, but denying this would be rude, so I take up my mug with the others. Chrom raises his high as he speaks loudly, loud enough that the rest of the room stops to listen.

"A toast! To lives saved, friends made, and stories told! To our new Shepherds!" Wait what.

"TO THE SHEPHERDS!" The patrons cheer as they raise their mugs and cheer.

I drink the beer but don't actually taste it. Just as well, never been a fan of the stuff. Huh. I guess that's it. I'm in. Mission accomplished.

Did… did I just join the military? Fuck if my dad ever finds out about this he'll have a field day. Years of shutting the asshole down every time he brings it up and then I join a video game military within a single day.

"You… sure you want me for your little band?" I stare down at the table as I ask. "I'm really not much of a fighter. Today was pure luck."

Chrom's voice becomes concerned as he answers me. "Did you not want to be? I apologize if I got ahead of myself."

"No! I mean," I look up and give a half grin. "You kinda did, but that's not what I meant. I'm just… not Shepherd material. I told you already, I've never been in a fight before today. I'm nobody in my world, just a… a lousy merchant." Don't really feel like explaining what a Walmart is right now.

"Ben…" Lissa looks ready to cry. Fuck, I really brought the mood down.

"Look, I don't want to give you the wrong impression here." I plaster a grin on my face. "I'm thrilled to be invited, I'm just not sure how qualified I am." I also have to question what the fuck I'm doing right now, considering that joining the Shepherds was the point of this endeavor in the first fucking place! I swear to Christ if I talk Chrom out of it because my self-worth is collapsing again…

"You saved lives today Ben." Chrom replies, catching my attention and cutting off my thoughts easily. His expression is suddenly firm, like he'll tolerate no arguments on the matter. "You saw people in trouble and stepped in to save them. You fought against odds that lesser men would run from, and now there are no less than six people who swear they owe you their life. They told me as much themselves. If that didn't qualify you then it would speak very poorly of my judgement."

Aww shit. I think I'm tearing up. Fucking get it under control, man up, Ben. "You honor me." I choke out.

"He speaks only the truth." Frederick replies. "I won't lie to your face and tell you I believe everything you've told us today. But I will not deny for one moment that you saved lives today. I believe you could make a fine shepherd, with some proper exercise and training."

"Frederick!" Lissa hisses, but stops as I burst out laughing. After all that flattery a bit of honesty is a relief.

"Glad to see somebody here is using their eyes." I pat my gut with a grin. "Well, if you think you can make a soldier out of this, then who am I to deny you?"

"So you'll join us then?" Chrom asks.

"I… one question first." I stop myself from getting carried away. "Is there a set duration of service? I don't want to tie myself down here." I feel guilty as I say it aloud. "I… really want to find out how to go home."

"Then consider that your duration of service!" Chrom claps me on the shoulder with a grin. "However long it takes for you to find your way home, we'll be glad to look after you."

"Well shit, I guess I'm sold." I raise a hand to Chrom. "Happy to be aboard."

"Happy to have you!" He gives me a firm handshake and turns back to the table. "I think this calls for another round!"

"Not much of a drinker personally…" I look around and grin, "But fuck it, it's a party."

Robin chuckles "Only a few hours and I'm already replaced as the new guy. Welcome to the team, rookie!"

"Hey now," I grin dangerously at him. "I'm pretty sure I'm the oldest one at the table besides maybe Frederick, here. How old are you, Frederick?"

"Twenty-eight. I'm afraid there is some distance between us."

"Twenty-six." I shrug. "Looks like you win this round."

"What? You barely look older than Chrom!" Lissa gapes.

"I hear that sort of thing a lot." I chuckle. "Always been told I look young for my age."

"Odd." Robin muses. "I have no memories to confirm this, but it feels as though it's often the exact opposite for me."

"Must be the white hair." I shrug. "You don't look particularly old besides that."

"That could be it." He frowns, "But that doesn't feel quite right."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out." Maybe it's because you have the soul of a centuries old evil dragon in your body. But I'll be keeping that tidbit to myself. Now, time to start asking the appropriate questions. "So, no memories, huh?"

"My earliest memory of life is waking up in a field with Chrom and Lissa standing over me. That was this morning." Robin shrugs helplessly. "I seem to have no trouble recognizing what things are, but I don't know names, places, anything at all about how I know what things I do know. It's all a blank."

"Can't imagine what that's like." I say, more to myself. What must it be like to have nothing? Not even memories…

I'm quoting Disney right now, aren't I? Focus, Ben.

I clap Robin on the shoulder. "Well, I'm sure it'll come back to you. And if not, you're with pretty decent company here."

"I think we can both be grateful for that." Robin smiles thankfully.

"You're not wrong." I smile as I look over the others, who smile back in return.

I'm in good company indeed.

More importantly, I'm in the right company. With these people, I know what's coming. And if I know what's coming I have a shot at surviving this mess.

I'll need every advantage I can get from here on out.


	3. Chapter 3

I wake up bright and early the next morning, to Frederick's surprise. "I admit, I expected you to be a late riser." He remarks when I haul myself out of bed.

"Used to be." I reply as I stretch. "Back in the ill-spent days of my youth. My job required me be up at ungodly hours on a regular basis though, so I broke that habit."

"Admirable." Frederick nods in approval. "You've bested the rest of our party without difficulty." He goes back to work on his bag, tying his goods in place.

I glance around the room and grin. "Ah, kids. Always sleeping in like a bunch of lumps."

"Indeed. If there was doubt in my mind as to the truth of your age, this may well dispel it." Frederick chuckles. "Perhaps you'd be willing to wake these slugabeds up while I finish packing? We've lingered here longer than I intended, due to your injury. I'd like to have an early start."

"Seems like the least I could do." I look around and frown. "Now, how to do this without disturbing the neighbours?" I start by throwing the shutters on the window open. The bright light of dawn draws immediate reactions from the sleeping trio. Chrom cringes and throws an arm over his eyes, Robin sits up straight as if spring-loaded. And Lissa, to no surprise, pulls her pillow over her head and burrows into her sheets with a grumble.

"Morning already?" Chrom groans as he rolls out of bed.

"I'm afraid so." I reply cheerfully as I check on Robin. He's… actually still asleep, even though he's upright. "That is unnerving."

"Very much so." Chrom stares openly as he pulls on his tunic and armor. "Maybe shake him?"

"I'm almost afraid to touch him…" I look at the sleeping tactician uneasily. I grab him by the shoulder and give him a good shake, but he doesn't react. "Too weird." I grimace. "Okay, nuclear option, let's go."

"Nuclear option?"

"It's a saying from my country. Basic explanation…" I grab Robin and toss him out of bed. "It means overkill."

"WAAH!" Robin cries out in alarm as he hits the floor and scrambles to his feet. "Where am I, what happened?"

"You're in our room at the inn." Chrom blinks. "Please tell me you don't have amnesia again?"

"Oh! Chrom! I, no I'm fine." Robin dusts himself off and shakes his head. "Just needed a moment to wake up."

"Glad to hear it." I toss Robin his coat. "Get yourself dressed now and check your bag over. Frederick wants to leave early."

"Well done so far, Ben." Frederick replies with a pleased expression. "But be warned: your real challenge begins now."

"Don't I know it." I frown and stare down at Lissa.

"Best of luck. I'll be in the stable." Frederick slings his monstrous bag over his shoulder and leaves the room.

"Rather eager to escape the danger zone, isn't he?" I comment, only to pause as I realize Chrom is heading for the exit as well. "Chrom?"

He gives me a big grin. "Sorry, I have something to attend to. Good luck."

I share a look with Robin, who eyes Lissa's bed with trepidation.

His eyes dart to the door. "You know what-"

"Absolutely not." I grab him by the hood.

I eye the princess warily, then look over to where her dress and… weird frame thing are sitting on a chair. "I think Frederick has everything of hers she isn't wearing." She went to bed bundled up in the most elaborate nightgown I've ever seen, for the sake of propriety. "Where's that room she changed in last night?"

"End of the hall, I think." Robin replies as he tries to worm his coat out of my grasp.

"Cool, grab her clothes."

"Touch my dress and die, tactician." Lissa grumbles from beneath the covers. Robin looks at me with a panicked expression.

"It's a fifteen year old girl Robin, grow up." I roll my eyes. "Easy way or the hard way, princess. Your choice."

"Sleep way." She snaps back.

"Hard way then. Robin. Dress. Now." I march over to the bed and grab the ball of sheets Lissa's wrapped herself in.

"What are you doing?" Lissa's voice sounds panicked. "Stop, I'm awake, let me go!"

"I think I risked my life enough yesterday." I chuckle as I bundle the squirming princess up and haul her off the bed, sheets and all. Robin looks at me in horror as he holds Lissa's dress. "Right then, lead the way, Robin."

"This seems excessive." Robin mumbles as he walks into the hallway. "What if somebody calls the guard?"

"We've got the Prince of the country with us, we'll be fine!" I stroll down the hall, studiously ignoring Lissa's protests. We arrive at the room, little better than a closet. "Just put the dress there, and clear the danger zone."

Robin drops the dress like it's on fire and scurries out of the room. I look down at the bundle with a grin. "You're very light, princess."

"Let me go you big dummy!"

"As you wish, milady." I let the sheets fall open, and hear Lissa tumble to the ground in front of me. Before she can get to her feet and maul me I close the door and brace as she kicks at it.

"Was that really necessary?" Robin looks on fearfully.

"You saw how Chrom and Frederick ran out of the room." I laugh as I hear Lissa start shuffling around and getting ready. "I wasn't taking any chances."

"You laugh now, but when we get home I'll have you hanged for this indignity!" Lissa protests. "Hanged, I say."

"Fair enough." I shrug. "You good to meet us outside or do you need anything else?"

There's a long pause before she finally mutters "I'm good."

I share a grin with Robin, though his is far more relieved than my own. "Cool. I'll go put the sheets back."

* * *

"Ah, our sleeping beauty has awakened!" I raise my arms dramatically as Lissa stomps out of the inn.

"A job well done, Ben." Frederick nods from the back of his horse.

"Job well done my butt!" Lissa protests. "He dragged me down the hall and dumped me in the closet!"

Frederick looks at me. I shrug. "Job very well done, Ben."

It's a bit too much for me. "Hahahaha! Oh, you are sadistic in the morning!"

"Frederick? Sometimes I hate you." Lissa pouts. She looks over at me and frowns cutely. "And you! After I saved your life yesterday this is how you repay me?"

"Of course!" I raise a hand to my heart. "For what better way could there be to repay my savior than with the gift of a beautiful dawn sunrise!"

"Sleep is a good way."

"But to let you sleep we'd have to leave you behind!" I gasp in mock horror. "I could never do that to my hero!"

"Oh, fine then." Lissa sighs. "I'll just catch up on my beauty sleep when we get back to Ylisstol."

"As milady wishes." I bow deeply.

"This doesn't mean you're off the hook, mister!" Lissa swats at my head playfully. Then she stops, blinks, and puts her hand back on my head. "Oh my gosh."

"What's up?" I tilt my head up to look at her, "Something stuck in my hair?"

Lissa is eyeing my head with an expression that just screams 'I am scheming something.' Her hand leaves my head as she squints down at me. "Your hair… is very soft."

"Uhh… Thank you?"

"Interesting…" She grins and walks away. "Very interesting…"

"…Okay." That is troubling for a great many reasons, not the least of which being Lissa's reputation as a terrible prankster. This will probably end poorly. I look over at Frederick. "So now that Lissa has made me fear for my sanity, shall we get moving?"

"Soon." Frederick looks across the market square, still mostly deserted. "Chrom is running an important errand before we head out. He should be back shortly."

"An errand?" I don't remember anything important happening in Southtown in the game. "What kind of errand?"

"I dare not spoil the surprise. Ah there he is now." I blink at his comment. What are they plotting?

"Ah good, you're all ready to go." Chrom grins as he jogs up to the rest of us. "I thought Lissa might be a while longer."

"Ben performed his task admirably in that regard." Is getting Lissa out of bed really that difficult? I feel like I've had more accolades for waking a sixteen year old girl than I did for fighting bandits.

"Well done, Ben." He grins as he holds up a travelling bag. "Your trousers from yesterday are in here, freshly mended. One of your new fans stayed up all night making sure the job was done properly."

"My fans?" I blink as I take the bag and check my jeans. They look good as new.

"I talked to several of them in the tavern last night and they banded together to ensure you'd be prepared for the trip to Ylisstol. There's a canteen, some provisions, a bedroll, a hunting knife, and…" He reaches behind his back, and produces an axe.

It's a proper battle-axe, one that makes me think of the sort that Vikings used to use. The handle is bound in leather, and it has a simple steel blade. The blade flares a little at the top, and forms a sort of hook at the bottom. Good for pulling or pushing weapons aside.

"The smith here in town felt this would suit you better than the ones you were borrowing yesterday." Chrom grins as he hands it to me. "It's simple, but good quality. The handle is ash wood, it's bound with cowhide for a firm grip, and it has a well forged blade that won't chip. All in all a great improvement over those shoddy tools the bandits had."

"I… wow." I take the axe in my hand. It's lighter than the clunky things I was using yesterday, but I have little doubt it's even more dangerous. "I can have this?"

"Of course!" Chrom's smile broadens as he watches me examine the weapon. "It wouldn't do for our newest Shepherd to go without a weapon. When we get back to Ylisstol I'll introduce you to Vaike, he can help you learn how to use it properly."

"Sounds good!" I smile at Chrom… while internally wincing at the idea of having Vaike as a teacher. Is it too late to take up the bow or something? From the look on Frederick's face he's not any more sure about the idea. Well, Frederick's good with axes, right? Maybe I'll just ask him later.

Until then, I'll just have to learn on the fly. "So how long of a trip is it to Ylisstol?" I ask as Frederick kicks his horse into motion.

"If we keep a good pace, we'll arrive tomorrow afternoon."

Nearly two days of walking. Oof. I haven't done any distance walking in a very long time. Good thing I've got hiking shoes on. This will be my first time actually doing any hiking with them though.

Yeah this is going to suck.

* * *

'Can't… give up yet,' I think to myself as I force my feet onward. My legs are burning from more walking than I've done in my life. My feet are only marginally better. The axe I was so pleased with this morning is a painful weight on my hip. My bag is not much better.

I won't let myself complain though. Not while Lissa remains composed. Well not composed, but she hasn't started whining yet like the games show her to do. And I will not lose to a girl ten years younger than me! It may be pigheaded masculine bullshit, but it's the pigheaded masculine bullshit I was raised to uphold, and I will. Not. Give. Up.

My face sets in a grimace as I carry on. It's not long until sunset. I can see the sun approaching the mountains to the west. It's hard to say for sure since we're in the woods right now, but I should only have to last a little longer…

"This seems like a good place to stop for the night." Frederick nods, remarkably composed and right on cue. He's been walking alongside his horse in full armor most of the trip and hardly seems winded.

"Thank fuck." I stagger off the road, to a clearing nearby. "I could use a break." Clear sky above us mean we can light a fire without choking ourselves with smoke, so it looks like a good spot. Frederick picked his site well.

"We'll have time for a break once we've made camp." Frederick states, tying his horse to a nearby tree.

I groan, letting my bag fall to the ground. "Fucking- yeah. Alright, you're right." I sigh as I stretch my shoulders. "If I sit down now I don't see myself getting up any time soon." There's a loud pop as I shift my arms. "Oh, that's the stuff. I'll look for firewood then."

"Then I'll catch us dinner." Chrom goes to Frederick's horse and pulls a bow off of one of the bags.

"You can use a bow?" I look on in interest. I had thought that he needed to train in that after the war started. Or use whatever the equivalent of a second seal is in this world, but I assume that those don't exist outside of video games.

"It's not something I like to use in combat, but archery training is common amongst nobles." Chrom replies, testing his string. "Emmeryn's quite a good archer as well, though she's only ever practiced on a range." Wouldn't have guessed that. It's truly amazing the world of possibilities that exists outside of game logic.

Robin decides to help Chrom with hunting, and Lissa and Frederick make themselves busy setting up camp, so I get to work gathering firewood on my own. Thankfully it's the middle of summer, so dry wood is easy to come by. It takes me a few trips but I soon have enough wood for both a cooking fire and a campfire. I let Frederick take the smaller branches for cooking while I set up a teepee of logs and fill it with bark and grass. My years in scouts may be far, far behind me, but the most important lessons never left me. Except knots, can't tie knots for shit.

"Can I get a light here?" I call over to Frederick.

He walks over with the flint and surveys my work with approval. "Not a bad job at all." He strikes the flint and smiles as the flame swiftly takes. The game wasn't kidding when it said he liked starting fires.

"I don't camp often, but I've had some training in this sort of thing." I grin at his enthusiasm. "I'll tend to this one for the night if you don't mind."

"I think we can let you off easy for the night." He smirks at me. "Though don't expect me to let your current stamina levels persist. I'll be working you hard when we get back to Ylisstol."

"Looking forward to it." I reply, feeding some branches into the fire while I wait for the logs to properly catch. I honestly mean it, too. I've never been much for keeping to an exercise routine, so if Frederick can help me get in shape I'll welcome it. It'll be a good opportunity to lose the gut. I fucking hate the gut.

It's another ten minutes before Chrom and Robin show up with a bear, grinning like they've just won the lottery, and I remember what dinner is going to look like tonight. If this sort of thing continues I may lose the gut even sooner than I can imagine, because that is NOT appetising.

* * *

It's remarkably easy to just get caught up in the moment and forget what the plot has in store for me. Good thing too, because if I had remembered what happens tonight I would not have found sleep easy.

As it stands, I fall fast asleep after managing to score last watch, and rest quite well until being awoken by the first earthquake I've ever experienced in my life. Which is very disorienting and confusing, but wakes me up in a proper hurry.

"What the fuck was that!?" I haul myself off of my bedroll and look around frantically.

"Trouble!" Frederick is swiftly strapping himself into his armor with practised motions. "Chrom and Lissa are missing!"

"Shit!" Looks like it's time for chapter one. I wrap my bedroll up and toss it bodily at Robin, who's still disoriented. "Wake up, man, we need your brain operational!" The bedroll knocks him on his ass, but he starts moving properly after that so I consider it a job well done.

"Leave the bags, we'll come back for them once everyone's safe!" Frederick shouts as he finishes donning his armor. "Hurry now!"

"Go ahead Frederick, we'll catch up!" I wave him on with one hand while pulling my jacket on with the other. Robin is fishing his spellbook out of his bag. I turn to grab my axe, and when I look back Frederick is already riding into the woods.

"How does he know where to go?" Robin wonders aloud as he straps his sword to his belt.

"My guess: he's heading to wherever things are shittiest and is going to fight his way out from there." I grab my axe and start jogging after him, doing my best to ignore the pain in my legs. They're still trying to recover from the marching, so I have no choice but to grit my teeth until the adrenaline kicks in.

Robin groans as he keeps pace with me. "That means we're about to run right at that forest fire, doesn't it."

"Most likely." I grunt. "Let's get them out of there fast, before we all get caught in that mess."

"Sounds good to me."

I'm not ready for this. My legs are like dead weights from the march. I'm going to get to these risen and barely be able to walk. "I need to work on my cardio, fuck!" I groan as I stumble through the underbrush.

"Don't forget to breathe in through your nose." Robin advises from beside me. "It'll help filter the smoke."

"Right." I slow for a second as I focus on my breathing. It takes a moment, but I manage to stop gasping and control myself properly. Robin slows as well to keep pace with me, like the absolute champion of a guy that he is.

The smoke gets thicker overhead as we run, before I can finally see the flames in the distance, pinpoints of orange light through the trees. "Shit." I stop to catch my breath. "We must have passed them, no way they're still that close to the fire."

"What if they are, though?" Robin peers into the darkness curiously. "They could be trapped over there."

"If they got trapped in that, then they'd already be dead. No way they're going down that easily. We need an alternate plan to find them."

"Are there any landmarks around here?" Robin looks around frantically, but between the smoke and the trees we can't see far in any direction.

Guess it's time for game knowledge, rough though it may be. "I think I saw an old fort or something earlier. Let's get away from the fire and see if we can spot it."

My legs start burning again as we backtrack through the woods. The smoke continues to billow overhead, and I grimace as I consider the timeline we're working on right now. We have to find the Shepherds and get out of here or we'll all burn alive. And with the shape I'm in my chances of outrunning a forest fire during dry season are practically nonexistent.

Am I seriously in mortal peril again already? Fuck's sake there better be a proper break after this. I refuse to believe that events will keep happening this quickly without game logic to push them forward.

"Ben!" Robin grabs my attention and gestures to our right, where figure are moving through the trees. "That must be them!"

"They're moving awfully slowly for that." I muse as we change course. "And they're not going the right way to escape the fire." Oh shit. Is this…

Robin thinks on my observations for a moment, but moves in anyways. "They could be injured or turned around. Besides, even if it's not the Shepherds we have to make sure they're alright."

It's really hard travelling with a guy who's ignorant about the oncoming zombie apocalypse without giving plot knowledge away. I want nothing more right now than to grab Robin by the coat and scream 'he's already dead!' But as handy as that may be for the short term it would cause me no end of long term problems. So I do the only thing I can, which is to follow behind him and ready my axe.

"Hello there, sir! Are you alright?" Robin calls out as he approaches the guy I'm increasingly sure is just a Risen. "We're looking for our… what the hell?" He trails to a stop as he spots the peeling skin and glowing eyes. "What is that?"

"What the fuck!" I exclaim, probably a bit too loudly. "He's already dead!"

"Already dead!? You've seen this before?" Robin glances at me in shock.

"Only in stories." I reply as I ready my axe. "But there's been a lot of that going on with me lately." God damn, look at me dropping these lines like some sort of badass. I'm seriously feeling the morale right now!

The Risen looks blankly at me with his glowing eyes, and then rushes forwards at a far faster speed than I'm expecting. "Oh, fuck!" I throw myself backwards as a rusted axe blurs through the area I was just standing in. Morale's gone now. Morale is super fucking absent from my life.

"I've got him." Robin darts in front of the monster and draws its attention, leading it in the other direction as I scramble back to my feet. "Right this way, ugly!"

The Risen tilts its head back and lets out a raspy groan, like it's trying to roar but just doesn't have the lung power to do so, before charging again. Robin is far more prepared for that maneuver than I was though, and rolls aside just in time. The axe sticks itself in a tree instead, and the Risen stops as it realises that its weapon is firmly stuck. It tugs at the axe with one hand, while reaching over to claw at Robin instead, but calling the attack ineffectual would be generous.

Robin scoffs at the pawing hand, steps around the Risen, and brings his sword into the back of its neck. "Not very bright, are they?" He says cheerfully, as the beast dissolves into smoke.

"Thanks for the save." I sigh as I watch the last traces of the monster fade away. "Wasn't expecting that rush at all."

"It was quite the surprise, yes." Robin nods as leads us further into the forest. "I noticed when it swung at you though, that it doesn't put much thought into that attack. Or anything else, apparently. Nothing but raw aggression. It's rather easy to take advantage of something like that when you know it's coming."

"I guess that's why you're the strategist." I shrug. "I'm too worried about not dying to think of stuff like that right now."

"You'll get there." Robin claps me on the shoulder. "Now let's get going."

"Why are we going this way?" I ask as we head deeper into the forest.

"That monster was focused on something in this direction." Robin explains. "It didn't look at us until we were right on top of it."

"Ah, so we're assuming it was focused on the others." I nod.

"It's the best lead we've got right now." Robin points ahead. "And look, there's another one."

"How nice of them to leave a trail for us." I grin.

"Yes, very kind indeed." Robin replies as he darts ahead. "Switch roles this time; I'll get its attention, you go for the kill."

'Switch roles!' he says, as though he didn't fill both roles just fine earlier. "Very generous of you." I mutter as I charge in.

Robin plays his part well; the Risen has its back turned when I reach it, and by the time it turns to notice me my axe is already swinging for its skull. The new axe cuts the monster's head clean off with little trouble, a testament to Chrom's excellent eye for reliable weaponry.

Robin whistles as the Risen hits the ground. "No wonder you handled things so well yesterday. You've got a lot of power in those swings."

"Power I can do." I grunt. "Now I just need to work on speed, technique, strategy, and not collapsing before I reach the enemy."

"At least you have a starting point." Robin shrugs. "Not everyone can say that much."

"Maybe not." I frown. "But most have more than this." I've got a long way to go if I want to get home in one piece.

"Rather determined to put yourself down, aren't you?" Robin gives me a look that I don't really know what to make of. It irritates me a little, honestly, but I try not to dwell on it. If he wants to take a perfectly practical statement and make a big fuss over it that's his choice.

"I know where I stand." I start moving again. "It's not a bad thing, far as I'm concerned. Better to think less of yourself than you are than more. The first might hold you back from time to time, but the second gets you killed."

"Can't argue there, I guess." Robin falls back in next to me. "Oh, hey, it's that building you saw."

I glance ahead and see it, a dark tower, barely visible through the smoke. The game map is awfully generous as to what qualifies as a fort. "Fire's getting closer." I note, eyeing the flames to our right. They're still distant, but it's not looking good. "This whole area will be torched within the hour."

"I hear fighting ahead." Robin says, increasing his pace. "Let's hurry."

It's another minute before I hear the sound of weapons. The tower is properly in sight by now, and I grimace when I see the mass of Risen around the base of it. Frederick is barely visible through the masses, blocking the door with his body as the Risen batter at him. The knight is enduring well, but he seems too hard pressed to fight back with his lance.

"At least ten crowding the door." Robin notes. "A few more scattered around the sides, but from the way they're grouped I think we can assume there's no other entrance. Two horses on the other side of the clearing, meaning at least one extra person to manage. I don't suppose you can ride, Ben?"

The extra horse is a good thing, since it means Sully and likely Virion as well are both in that tower. Unfortunately the horse can't do anything for us, since the last time I rode a horse I had an allergic reaction that swelled my eyes shut. "Not a chance, sorry. Think we can take their attention off Frederick enough that he can hit back?"

"A pincer maneuver." Robin thinks on it for only a moment. "Given our time limit, I see no better options. I'll open with spells, strike only when you feel it's safe to do so."

"Aim for the legs." I advise, watching Frederick struggle against the horde. "If we can knock them over they won't be able to pressure the tower."

"We'll make a strategist of you yet!" Robin grins as he readies his tome. His hand crackles with electricity as he turns to me. "Go now, I want you right behind this attack!"

"Right!" I rush forward with my axe clenched in both hands. The thunder spell flies past my shoulder to crash into the horde, sending several Risen reeling. A couple of them turn back to face Robin and I, but I'm already swinging by the time any of the ugly fucks get a glimpse of me. I aim for the back of their knees, looking to keep them stuck on the ground. Crawling zombies may be a horror classic, and creepy as hell, but they're not likely to be dangerous to anyone paying attention.

"FREDERICK!" Robin yells as he follows my example and hamstrings a Risen with his sword. Between the two of us we knock five of them to the ground before they know what's going on. Robin signals me to fall back, and I stumble away from the grasping hands of the fallen monsters as more trip over them. The two of us look up just in time to see Frederick make his move.

I have to take a moment to appreciate just how absurdly strong the guy is. He's been bracing against them with his lance, using the door frame to help block them. But that's still one guy against the power of at least four Risen at once, plus the other dozen or so pushing behind them. Now that almost half of those are on the ground though, with the others distracted, the big guy turns the tides.

Frederick snarls in the face of the Risen horde, holding his lance horizontally in both hands, and shoving back against them. He catches three of the beasts he was holding back and sends them crashing into the monsters behind them, and suddenly the whole mob is collapsing like dominoes. As if waiting for that signal, Sully and Chrom burst out behind the great knight, practically leaping over him as they fall upon the enemy. Then comes Virion, flourishing as he fires into the crowd.

The horde is erupting into smoke almost entirely at once; no doubt the Shepherds were very eagerly anticipating this chance Robin and I have given them. I bring my axe onto the head of one of the few Risen still crawling about and point towards the horses as our group meets up. "Fire's coming fast! Knights, grab a horse, grab a royal, and get the fuck out of here!"

"Who the hell are you?" Sully looks ready to snap at me, but stops when she sees the fire. "Oh, shit! Never mind, message received! Lissa, c'mere!" She whistles for her horse and mounts up in an effortless motion, and Frederick practically tosses the Princess up behind her. The two take off at a gallop, and I gesture to Robin and Virion that we should start running.

"I won't accept being carried to safety while men who fought alongside me are left in danger!" Chrom protests. "I could never live with myself!" Frederick has other ideas though. He hurls Chrom onto his horse easily, knocking the wind out of him. The horse takes the weight without so much as a flinch, and I start running as Frederick mounts behind his prince and kicks the horse into a swift motion.

"Well trained horses." Robin comments as we start to move. "I'm amazed they didn't bolt."

"Admire them later, we are still very much fucked here." I snap as I force my weary legs back into motion. I can already tell this isn't going to work, I can barely lift my feet anymore.

Virion eyes my pace with clear concern, but a glance back at the fire behind us has him pushing ahead. "Oh dear." He gasps, before looking back at me. "Good sir, I pray you don't think less of me, but alas I have far too much riding on my shoulders to allow delay here-"

"If you're going to run then fucking run!" I snap back at him as I pant. Christ it's like running in an oven. "And don't you dare fucking wait for me either!" I turn to Robin with just as much venom. "I will not be responsible for getting your ass killed!"

"I can't just leave you to burn to death!" Robin protests, as Virion races ahead. "Not after all this!"

"Fuck you, start running or I'll kill you myself!" I snarl. "You're a tactician, make the smart move!"

"Perhaps you should all make the smart move!" A voice calls from our left. Robin and I jump in surprise, and I hear Virion curse as he trips further ahead. I look in the direction of the voice.

Oh, of course! It's her! Or him, rather. Marth, blessed hero from the future who is most definitely not Chrom's future daughter and is definitely a boy who is not named Lucina.

"You three are running downwind!" Lucina calls impatiently. "This way, quickly, or you'll have no chance of escape!"

Oh shit I didn't even consider the wind! As somebody who's had to deal with out of control fires nearly burning his house down before, I am completely dumbfounded by the oversight. "We're fucking idiots!" I exclaim as I rush towards Lucina.

"I would never presume to refer to you as such." She replies with a strained smile. "Swiftly now, Master Virion!"

"Ah, yes!" I hear Virion stumble as he starts to run after us. "I will be with you all momentarily!"

"This way!" Lucina takes off at a quick pace, with the rest of us struggling to keep up.

"When I get to Ylisse I am demanding all the leg training and cardio Frederick can provide!" I gasp as we make our way along a path that does seem to be rapidly putting the fire behind us. "I've always known I was out of shape, but I never expected it would come so close to getting me killed!"

"I'm sure he'll be thrilled to have such a willing pupil." Robin chuckles as he helps me along. "The looks he was giving you during today's march… it was like the cat that got the cream."

"And suddenly I am far less enthused." I sigh, to the amusement of the others.

The four of us run (or stagger, in my case), in silence for the next ten minutes. The others seem happy to slow their pace for me now that they won't burn and die for it, which I can appreciate. And finally, once we've successfully looped around the fire and put it far behind us, we arrive in a clearing and are given the chance to rest.

"Ben! Robin!" I blink and look up just in time for Lissa to crash into the both of us sobbing. "I thought you guys were gonna die!"

"Nah we were fine! It wasn't even close!" I return her hug with a grin.

"Glad to see you crazy bastards made it out in one piece!" Sully runs up and gives us a relieved grin. "You're tougher than you look!"

"Good thing too, or else I'd be dead five times over already." I reply, transferring Lissa over to Robin so I can sit down and catch my breath. "Though some credit must be given to our savior here." I gesture to Lucina, who has taken her preferred place on the edge of the crowd.

"Oh right!" Lissa lets Robin go and curtsies to her new hero. "I have to thank you as well… for before. You were very brave!"

"It would seem that most of my companions owe you a debt of gratitude." Chrom walks up to us with a smile. "My name is Chrom. Might I ask your name?"

"You may call me Marth." Lucina replies in a deep voice that is just… laughably, obviously, fake to anyone who knows of the girl behind the mask.

I sit back and tune out while I catch my breath. I already know how the conversation goes: Chrom wants to know more about his sister's hero, Marth deflects all questions, and drops a vague, unhelpful warning about the upcoming apocalypse. It's all right out of the script, and not one bit of it important enough to merit any input from me.

Sure enough, Lucina concludes her speech about this prelude to destruction and begins to walk away, but something about the way it ends catches my attention again. Why do I feel like something is missing?

Lucina stops at the edge of the clearing and looks back towards us. "Tough times are coming, Prince Chrom. You need to ensure that you're prepared when they do. Consider the company you keep carefully, and be wary of where you place your trust. You have been warned." She turns with a sweep of her cape and vanishes silently into the night.

Ah. Yes. 'You have been warned.' That was the line I was waiting for.

So what the fuck was all that stuff in the middle!?

"After all he's done for us I did not expect an attempt to sow dissention amongst my comrades." Chrom frowns as he watches after Lucina's retreat. "It would seem that he is not quite as righteous as he wanted us to believe."

"Holy crap that's rich!" I burst out laughing at Chrom's statement. "You meet a claimed amnesiac and a claimed interdimensional traveller and see no issue with recruiting us, but as soon as somebody shows up and tell you to be careful about trusting people that's when you get suspicious!"

Chrom blinks at my observation, before he starts laughing as well. Before long every Shepherd present is laughing, which is weird because it really wasn't all that funny to begin with. If I had to guess I'd say the near-brush with death we all had just makes us want to laugh about anything. It's not laughter at my crap-ass joke, it's laughter for the joy of being alive. Good feelings all around, yay.

But behind that laughter I can't help the unease that's stirring within me at Lucina's comment.

It's not the change in lines that bothers me, and it's not the fact that she seems to have some trust issues in this iteration of the story.

The most concerning thing is that, even across the clearing, even behind her mask, I can somehow tell that as Lucina added those lines about not trusting, she was looking at me.

* * *

 **...Nah, I'm probably imagining things. No way that's relevant.**

 **A little bit of physics to spice up an otherwise simple level. Because seriously when the ground starts spewing lava in the middle of a forest I expect the fiery aftermath to be much more widespread. It just makes sense, you know?**


	4. Chapter 4

Once we've recovered our belongings from our campsite the group carries straight on to Ylisstol. Nobody feels comfortable camping out on the road now that the dead are prowling about. It's a grueling march, especially after the battle, but I'm don't feel like complaining any more. The sooner we get back to civilization, the sooner I can clean myself up. And after the sweat, blood, and ash that I've been dealing with that is a very appealing prospect.

Seriously, I just made it out of chapter 1 and I already feel like I've survived the apocalypse. Really serves to motivate my whole 'get the fuck out of dodge' idea. When the actual apocalypse happens I am going to be absolutely fucked. Unless I just so happen to be long gone.

Hopefully the castle will give me a chance to make that happen. This being a medieval world, I imagine the royal family are probably the only people who can afford books, so with luck I'll be able to raid their library and figure things out.

Wish I knew how the printing press worked. If I 'invented' it here I'd make serious bank. Though maybe paper isn't that expensive here since magic tomes are a thing…

"Hey Robin, how does that tome of yours work?" I ask my travelling companion.

Robin blinks at the question, then pulls his book out and looks it over. "You know, I'm not actually sure! I assume it was taught to me at some point, but other than the gestures needed for my specific spells I really don't remember anything about it. And even that's probably more muscle memory than anything."

"Lissa's studying magic, perhaps she can explain it." Chrom comments. Our gazes turn to the princess as one.

Lissa blushes as the attention falls on her. "Uhh, I'm not really studying tomes that much, that's more Miriel's thing. But, well, I think that what the book's made of is important? Like, they use magical ingredients for the inks or the cover. I think that lets it channel magic? Like my staff!" She holds it up and points to the blue gemstone on the end. "The quality of the focusing gem in the staff affects what kind of spells it can handle. Usually an aspiring healer upgrades their gem as they learn to cast better spells, so the staff grows with you."

"Is it only the gem that matters, or is the staff important as well?"

"Only on a personal level." Lissa looks at her staff and smiles. "My healing magic is connected to positive emotions, so having a focus with sentimental value can make the effects more potent."

Positive emotions, huh? Looks like I won't be healing people any time soon. I've never been a particularly happy person. Oh well. I've never had much interest in medicine or first aid either, so it's no great loss.

Robin has pulled out his notebook again and is scratching notes down while holding his ink and quill in one hand. It's a clearly practiced gesture, evident from the way he dips his quill with the slightest flick and manages not to spill a drop. If I could whistle I'd be giving a mighty appreciative one right now."That is seriously impressive, dude." It also makes me want to invent ballpoint pens for this guy's sake. Lord knows how many notebooks he's gone through over the years learning that little trick.

"Huh? Oh yes, I suppose it is." Robin glances at his hands curiously. "I wasn't aware I was doing it until you pointed it out, honestly."

"It would seem the good tactician is an experienced scholar as well!" Virion chimes in. "Such dexterity with a quill, it beggars belief!"

"This raises all sorts of questions." Robin muses. "What must my circumstances been like for me to learn such a simple skill as this to an unconscious level?"

"Don't overthink it, man." I shrug. "All this means is walking and writing is nothing new to you."

"I suppose." Robin grins. "It would seem as though learning this small thing has whet my appetite for knowledge."

"Well perhaps seeing something new will sate your gluttonous mind, then." Frederick calls from his position at the head of our party. "We have arrived!"

I walk around a bend in the road and am left speechless by the size of this city.

It's… it's fucking puny!

To put it in perspective let's compare it to the town I grew up in. My hometown isn't large by any means, but it is pushing the line towards being classified as a city. About thirty thousand people.

And it's almost as big as Ylisstol. Ylisstol, the capital city. If it wasn't for the castle nestled in the hills above I wouldn't think it was anything special. Come to think of it, Southtown is considered pretty large as far as towns go in Ylisstol, and I was able to walk my way through it in a couple of hours without knowing anything about the place.

If my town didn't have apartment buildings and condos all over the damn place it'd probably be larger than Ylisstol. Especially since so many of the houses in the urban sprawl don't seem to have front yards.

I suppose it makes sense in a way. Medieval world, medieval population distribution. Still crazy to think that the scene of an epic story from my world is so tiny.

"Wow." I manage to say.

"Impressive, isn't it?" Chrom replies proudly, completely misinterpreting my shock. "We have gone to great lengths to ensure the prosperity of our nation after the war with Plegia, and Ylisstol is the fruit of that labor. It took many years of blood, sweat, and tears to achieve what you see here!"

"It shows." I smile, trying my best to not break the poor guy's heart. I'm sure that by the standards of the time this place is great, it's just hard to get excited about a city like this when you live within a few hours of Calgary. Hell, if I lived someplace like New York City or Tokyo I'd probably be laughing my ass off at this point.

Damn, the buildings are so small! You could stack thirty of these on top of each other and they wouldn't reach the height of some of the skyscrapers I've been to.

"Okay, that's enough standing around slack-jawed!" Sully hollers, snapping me out of my bewilderment. "Let's get to the castle so we can finally wash all the soot off!"

I grin at that. Just a little while longer and I can finally wash up and rest my legs. I can hardly wait for the chance to sleep in an actual bed. 

* * *

"This is really not what I expected." I stare blankly ahead.

"Really? I'm curious as to what you did expect then." Frederick gives me an inquisitive look.

"Well, honestly I'm not sure." I shrug. "My homeland had individual bathrooms for each house, but that was made possible by very intricate plumbing systems. Obviously not possible here."

"I see. We do have internal plumbing, but to run it to individual households is well beyond our means. Yet you say this is the norm for you… Interesting." Frederick muses. "And I suppose, rather unfortunate in your case. You must not be used to this sort of thing."

"Not at all." I grimace as I keep my eyes trained upward. I'm standing in the middle of a big, steamy room lined with large wooden tubs of water. The other men are all here as well, very much unclothed and not giving two shits about the fact. "I know for sports teams back home it's pretty common, but…" I gesture to my physique uncomfortably. "I didn't really go for sports that much."

"Hmm…" Frederick looks over at me, before shrugging his shoulders. "Well it's something you'll have to grow used to, I'm afraid. This is hardly the only time this will happen. Especially since we'll have similar training schedules for the foreseeable future."

"I suppose so." My frown doesn't disappear in the slightest at that thought.

I've been to public pools before so it really shouldn't be an issue, but then again… I haven't been to a pool since I got fat. And the rest of the Shepherds are in excellent physical shape. Like, I have no interest in men but these guys are just objectively attractive, with the muscles to show for it. Even pampered noble Virion and bookworm Robin look fit enough to put me to shame, if in a leaner sort of way.

If I want to maintain my sanity around these guys I need to get in shape, quickly. My arms and shoulders aren't bad, but the rest of me is… Yeah I dwell on this too much already, time to not think about it.

Thankfully once I get in the tub it's not so bad. More like sitting in a bunch of individual hot tubs or something.

I set about scrubbing the dirt from my skin as the others make small chat, and I frown as I realize that this is totally another social experience for them. Fucking cultural differences can kiss my ass.

"So Ben, you were talking about sports earlier?" Chrom asks from across the room. "What kind of games do your people play?"

I'm not exactly comfortable with the idea of getting drawn into conversation while trying to clean up, but whatever. Like Frederick said, I have to get used to this. I throw a punch at my leg, safely hidden by the walls of the tub, and let the pain sharpen my thoughts.

I am fine.

I am not uncomfortable at all.

I am highly experienced at pretending to be normal. This is show time. And I am an actor playing a part. The part of a perfectly calm dude who is not disgusted by how ugly he is compared to his new found friends, or that he has to bathe in the same room as them.

I turn to Chrom and smile casually. "We've got tons, really. Sports are one of the big things that bring the different people in our world together. They hold tournaments with dozens of countries participating, for just about every sport you can imagine."

"So, Javelins, archery, hurling?"

I blink at that. "Uhh… the first two definitely, but hurling? Maybe? It could be called something else there, or it's just not as popular."

"So what is popular then?"

"Let's see, football, soccer, basketball, gymnastics, swimming, lacrosse… and of course the greatest sport of all…" I trail off for dramatic effect.

"Quite a claim! What is this greatest sport of yours?" Chrom leans out of his tub as he looks over eagerly.

I grin at the question. "Ask any Canadian and they will tell you the same: the true sport of the Great White North is and shall always be Hockey."

"I'm not familiar with that game." Chrom frowns.

"Well then! Once winter comes I shall show you. It is a great sport, one that requires speed, power, skill, and focus. When the lakes freeze you will understand."

"You're very passionate about this, aren't you?" Robin looks over at me curiously.

"Of course!" I raise my arms from the water and grin. "My people are a peaceful sort. Across all the world we are known for our impeccable manners and good cheer. It is a part of Canadian pride, that we act as such. And the secret to maintaining this is our sport, hockey."

"A sport which causes one to act with better manners? It sounds as though this is a proper gentleman's game!" Virion flips his hair, which slaps wetly against his neck. Chrom seems less enthused at the idea from the look on his face.

I dispel the prince's fears with a savage grin. Virion visibly flinches at the expression, and my explanation only seems to make him more uneasy. "Not in the slightest. We Canadians are a well-mannered sort because our sport is our outlet. It is in the icy ring of hockey that we unleash our aggression! Sticks duelling for control of the puck! Blades dancing across the ice! Bodies crashing together as we fight for points. And when tensions run too high and the gloves come off, the greatest of traditions begins: The Hockey Fight."

"This is a part of the sport?" Robin's hands seem to be moving of their own accord, as though writing notes in an invisible notebook.

"Officially, no. Hockey fights are totally against the rules, and players are penalized for taking part. But they are a beloved tradition; a critical part of the game. The sport may be played on ice, but the tempers flare all the hotter for it! And so when two players lose their composure they remove their gloves, drop their sticks, and beat the shit out of each other as long as they can before the referees step in."

I smile fondly at the memories of the local hockey games I went to when I was younger. I used to attend for free as part of my dad's pep band. Me with my saxophone, Stephan with his trumpet calling the charges, and Mike with his tuba, towering over everyone else. A merry gang of band delinquents who spent more time fucking around with our instruments than practicing, though we were no less capable musicians for it…

I've barely spoken to any of them in the years since I graduated. It could be years more before I ever get the chance.

"Are you alright, Ben?" Looks like Frederick's noticed my sudden mood switch.

"Yeah, sorry." I look up and flash him a smile. "Just thinking of home."

"Right!" Chrom nods and hauls himself out of his tub. "You'd probably like to get started on that issue as soon as possible, wouldn't you? I'm sure Emmeryn will be returned from her tour of the city by now. Let's go see about getting you access to the royal library."

"OH!" Robin's hand snaps into the air.

"Yes, yourself as well, Robin." Chrom laughs. "It wouldn't do to withhold resources from our new tactician."

It looks like the maids swept in and took our clothes for cleaning while we were cleaning up, so I'm forced to suck it up and dress myself in the clothing of the era for the first time. It's honestly not as bad as I expected. They seem to have picked out some earthier tones to match my original clothes, with a green dress shirt and a brown vest that looks to be deerskin. I had been wearing my spare trousers from Southtown, so I pull my jeans out of my bag, and wind up looking like an interesting mix of this world and my own.

"They better not mess up my sweater." I look over at the exit to the change room anxiously. "That was a gift."

"You have nothing to fear, Ben. Our staff are trained professionals. They would see damaging your clothing as a mark of personal failure." Frederick looks right at home in his white and black clothing, which perfectly matches what he was wearing under his armor yesterday. Dude probably has like a dozen matching sets of clothing. He and Chrom are both lucky to have full wardrobes already available.

Robin and Virion are in much the same boat as me, having had clothes provided. Robin seems to struggle with the buttons on his shirt, and looks seriously uncomfortable without his coat. Virion on the other hand takes one look at the outfit provided, scoffs, and starts pulling different shirts from his bag, scrutinizing them carefully.

I eye Virion's bag with interest. "Hey Virion, you wouldn't happen to have a brush in there, would you?"

Virion looks thrilled at the question. "But of course, my friend. A man of my calibre would never be caught without the tools to look their best!" He draws the fanciest fucking hairbrush I've ever seen from a pocket of his bag and tosses it to me. I pause for a moment to stare at the thing in disbelief (is this… ivory? And gold fucking bristles holy shit!), but the tangled hair in my eyes takes precedence over pondering how fucking rich Virion is. I set about easing the tangles from my hair with as much care as possible.

Virion grins as I sort myself out. "It works well, no? A beautiful thing is all well and good, but if it did not perform well it would be no better than a worthless trinket."

"Makes sense." I run my fingers through my hair, relishing the feeling of it as it falls against my shoulders. "Man, that's so much better."

If there's one thing I've always let myself be vain about, it's definitely my hair. Something about the feeling of running my hands through it is just weirdly therapeutic for me.

"You clearly care much for the maintenance of your hair! It is an admirable thing to see in a fellow gentleman." Virion smiles as I return his brush. "If you'd like I have some fine soaps that work wonders for keeping the hair soft and light. I would be happy to give them to you."

"I'd love that!" I look over at him with a grin. "I like to keep stock of that stuff, but I left it all at home. Sure you want to part with it though?"

"I can always obtain more." Virion shrugs as he looks over a ridiculous selection of cravats. "As I understand it, your unusual situation does not afford you the same opportunities." He picks his ruffle of choice and turns to give me a serious look. "And even were that not the case, I owe you at least this much."

Well. I wondered if this might come up again. Or rather, when. Robin seems unsurprised as well, and gives Virion a knowing glance. Hmm… tensions are running high and the conversation has barely started. Probably best to derail this one right from the start.

"How so?" I look over at him in confusion. "If this is about that thing with the tower yesterday, Robin and Frederick did most of the work, I just helped a little."

"Non, non!" Virion shakes his head. "As much as your aid in that matter was appreciated, I do not refer to that. I refer to what happened afterwards." I tilt my head to show how completely in the dark I'm pretending to be, and he frowns. "My good man, I very nearly left you to die last night. Surely this bears some remembrance?"

Frederick and Chrom look over in alarm at that, and I nod in understanding. "Right! No, I honestly forgot about that."

"You what?" Virion looks stunned, to an almost comical level.

"I forgot." I shrug. "Seriously dude, we were minutes away from burning to death, I had other things to worry about."

"Well, yes, but I left you! The good tactician Robin remained by your side, while I fled like a lowly craven!" Virion grimaces. He's clearly been beating himself up over this all day.

It strikes me as a bit ridiculous, honestly. He'd known me for barely five minutes at the time. Yet here he is talking like this was some grave betrayal on his part. He has a country full of people that he wants to do right by, and suddenly some random jackass he just met should be his priority? I'm not worth that.

"Look dude, I'm not going to call you out on not wanting to die." I wave dismissively. "I told Robin to fuck off too, I don't want anyone dying on my account. Besides, it was pretty clear you felt bad about it."

"Not badly enough to remain though." Virion shakes his head vehemently. "No my most honorable friend, I'm afraid I must insist that I was gravely in the wrong with my actions last night. The shampoos are an inconsequential thing, but let them be a token of my great regret for having wronged you, as well as my appreciation for your forgiveness. And it must also be said, that this in no way puts us on equal grounds. I owe you far more than mere soaps and words can atone for."

This sounds like a pain in the ass, honestly. But I can already tell I won't be convincing him. The dude is going to be stubborn about this. I cringe inwardly at the thought. Who would have thought that running from a forest fire would be seen as such a grave crime in Virion's eyes.

Oh well, if I can get some nice soap out of it, that'll be enough to make this worth it. Lord knows stuff like that is probably a luxury item in Fire Emblem land.

"Alright man, you do you." I sigh. "Just let it be said for the record I really don't think you owe me anything."

"If that's sorted?" Frederick interrupts and clears his throat. "I feel I must remind you we are due to meet Her Highness the Exalt."

"Ah! But of course!" Virion strides forward purposefully. "It will be an honor to partake in her radiant personage in person! Let us be off!" Looks like the thought of a beautiful woman has rather captured his attention. All the better for me.

* * *

Chrom leads us to the bathhouse entrance to meet with Lissa, Sully having already left for the barracks, then takes us across the training grounds and into the castle proper. The inside is impressive, though not as vast as the games seemed to portray it. You certainly wouldn't be able to ride horses down the hall like you can in the game.

The throne room is much the same. It's smaller than the cavernous space you see in the game. Torches burn brightly on the wall, to make up for the lack of windows. Between the torches elaborate tapestries hang, with beautiful embroidery. It seems as though as much has been done as possible to give the room an intimate, cozy feeling.

The Exalt stands at the back of the room, her throne empty behind her. At her right stands a stern woman that I assume to be Wing Commander Phila, and the walls are lined with armed guards who stand at attention. From what I understand of Emmeryn she probably doesn't even want the guards there, but it looks as though common sense has trumped blind trust and goodwill in this case.

Emmeryn is honestly impressive in real life. She can't be any older than I am, but her expression speaks of wisdom well beyond her age. Her head piece seems to glow orange in the light of the torches, and she looks over to us with a regal air.

And then she sees her younger siblings coming to greet her and all of that melts away. She smiles prettily as they approach and seems to relax, though her posture is still impeccable. "Chrom! Lissa! You've returned! Oh, and hello Frederick! How did you all fare?"

The conversation quickly turns into verbatim dialogue from the game, and I find myself tuning out as Chrom reports on everything. I glance over to the others, and see that Virion seems tongue-tied looking at Emmeryn. Clearly her beauty shines to pure for his eyes. Robin looks more interested in the talk of border troubles than I am, which makes sense since it's his first time hearing about much of it.

I perk up again when Lissa looks back at us with a grin, and The Exalt looks to us. Robin is immediately and visibly uncomfortable with the attention. I'm not exactly thrilled either, really, but I manage to put that aside and meet her eyes. It helps that I've never thought much of politicians to begin with. They tend to piss me off more than anything, so while I know Emmeryn is a kind leader, and she is beautiful enough to be seriously distracting, my disdain for her profession balances things out a bit.

"Ah, you speak of your new companions here?" She regards us curiously.

"This is Virion, who came to our aid during our journey home, Robin, who was instrumental in organizing our victory against the bandits, and Ben, who managed to hold the bandits off single-handedly until our arrival at great risk to himself."

"Whoa, making that sound way more impressive than it actually was there, buddy!" I can't help but interject. "I just jumped off a roof, yelled at some dudes, and flailed around like a moron."

"And the result was many lives saved and several bandits dead by his hand." Chrom replied with a grin.

"Are you messing with me right now or something?" I blink stupidly at Chrom.

"Just take the compliment and accept that you did well." Chrom orders, before turning back to his sister. "At any rate, I intend to make all three of them Shepherds."

"It sounds as though Ylisse owes the three of you a debt of gratitude." Emmeryn smiles broadly at us, which honestly takes my breath away. The woman seems to exude purity from her every pore, it's honestly overwhelming.

"Not at all, Milady!" Robin stammers.

"It was an honor and a privilege to aid such upstanding noble peers as these." Virion bows.

Her eyes travel to me next. "I believe my opinion on the matter has been made quite clear. That said, your good will is graciously accepted."

"Forgive me, Your Grace, but I must speak." Frederick steps forward. "Robin claims to have lost his memory, but I believe it is just that: a claim. And Virion's circumstances are no less suspicious: he joined our group by harassing Knight Sully in the forest." Virion clears his throat nervously at that, but is unheeded by Frederick as the Knight continues. "We cannot rule out the possibility that they are brigands themselves, or even Plegian spies."

"Frederick!" Chrom snaps angrily.

"Honestly I'm surprised he had nothing to say about me." I comment aloud.

"If I may be frank, I consider your story to be so completely outlandish that only a fool would attempt to craft its like." Frederick levels his stare at me. "And while certainly reckless you do not strike me a fool."

"So you're saying… it's so crazy it's probably true?"

"Indeed. Though your wardrobe does aid you in confirming your claim. There can be little doubt that your clothing contains materials that I and the castle maids have no knowledge of. Even the tags identifying them were written in a language that was entirely foreign to us, and our resources in such matters is not inconsiderable."

"Ah, so you had them check it out while washing them!" I grin and wag a finger at him as though scolding. "Very sneaky, Sir Frederick." The knight takes my teasing in stride; if anything he stands taller as a result. Fine by me, let him feel proud. I can appreciate some good subterfuge, as long as I get my clothes back in one piece.

"I can tell there is much more to be said on this matter." Emmeryn interrupts calmly. "But for now I will simply ask this: Chrom, do you trust these three?"

"They put their lives on the line for our people, and the Shepherds. That is good enough for me." Chrom glances back at Virion while he says this, a fact that doesn't escape the others as well. Weird as it may seem to me, the archer's position is probably the most precarious right now. He's as new to the group as Robin and I, and earned his place mostly by chance rather than selfless action. I hope our conversation earlier doesn't fuck things up for him, he's a surprisingly cool guy. Also I want that soap he promised.

"Well then, it seems you've earned Chrom's faith, and as such you have mine as well."

"Milady." Robin looks ready to throw up from the stress, the poor bugger. Virion bows deeply, the weight of his position in the Shepherds borne heavily upon his shoulders, and I follow suit.

"Thank you kindly." I give the Exalt a lopsided grin. "My circumstances being what they are, I'm honestly amazed any of you trust me."

"Plegians raid our land and the walking dead fall from the sky." Chrom replies with a shrug of his shoulders. "In comparison to that a couple of mysterious yet helpful strangers is hardly worthy of alarm, even if you are an Outrealmer."

"An Outrealmer!" Emmeryn gasps in shock, and I see Phila stare intensely at me. "Well this explains some questions, while raising a great many more. Unfortunately circumstances being what they are, there will be little time for such matters at the moment, as we are about to hold council. Chrom, I realize you have only just returned from a harrowing journey, but I was hoping you'd join us nonetheless."

"Of course."

"I think that's our cue, boys!" Lissa grins and ushers Robin, Virion and I back to the entrance. "C'mon, there's a place I want to show you!" She tugs a very bemused Robin along by the sleeve and rushes ahead, leaving Virion and I to give our farewells and follow along.

* * *

The Shepherds may be a small group, but they are in essence Prince Chrom's own personal militia. That being the case, there are some definitive perks that come with the job. The first of these I've already experienced, access to a bathhouse typically reserved for use only by knights.

The second is access to their own personal barracks. From what Lissa tells me, the building was replaced with a newer, larger one during the last war, due to the massive military upscaling at the time. The old building was largely used as a storehouse until Chrom started his Shepherds. It's far too large for such a small group, but the logic seems to be that Chrom's handpicked soldiers are deserving of some form of luxury.

It's enough to make me wonder if anybody has ever tried to use some sort of setup to catch Chrom's eye like I did. Then again, even with the blessing of foresight my own ploy put me within several seconds of death. I doubt there's anybody out there crazy enough to try.

"Here we are! The home of the Shepherds!" Oh shit, got lost in thought again. I look around the room we've been led to and can't help but frown. It looks like the place is still being used for storage in some capacity, with bags of flour and firewood piled against the walls, and barrels full of weaponry lined below the windows. The corner of the room is stacked high with crates.

"It's certainly… cluttered." Virion mutters in distaste. I can't help but nod in agreement. I know this is essentially how it looks in the game, but seeing it in person makes it all too clear just how messy this room is. I can only hope the rest of the building isn't this full.

"Well since Chrom, Frederick, and I have to stay elsewhere, there's a lot of room to spare." Lissa explains sullenly. "So nobody wants to bother finding new space for things. We made them clear out the upper levels at least, but everyone drags their feet so much that it's hard to keep track of what goes where or who owns what and it's all such a production-" She blinks as she realizes how carried away with her frustration she's getting and goes pink. "Uh, sorry, I meant to say-"

 _WHAM!_

Everyone jumps a foot into the air as the door to the left of the room slams open, and a blur of pink and yellow flies across the room.

"Lissa, my treasure! Are you alright? I've been on pins and needles!"

"Oh, hey, Maribelle!" Lissa grins as the girl in question crashes into her.

"'Oh, hey' yourself! I've sprouted 14 grey hairs fretting over you!" Maribelle scolds, looking the girl over for signs of injury.

"Aw, you worry too much! I can handle a battle or two!" Lissa grins, taking the fussing in stride. "Although I could do without the bugs and the bear barbecue..."

"Seconded." I deadpan.

"Aww, I thought the bear was delicious!" Robin protests.

"Buddy, by your present experience that was the first thing you've ever eaten. You are severely lacking in perspective right now." I grin.

"Hey squirt! Where's Chrom" The interruption of Vaike cuts off whatever reply Robin was preparing, and takes the attention of a curious Maribelle away from us.

"I bet he had a rough time out there without ol' Teach and his trusty axe!"

"I'm sorry, but the position has been filled." I display my own axe with a grin.

"What? Who the heck are you supposed to be?" Vaike steps back in a panic, before whirling to Lissa in panic. "You can't be replacing The Vaike like that!"

"He's not your replacement." Lissa giggles, before throwing her arms out to me dramatically. "Teach, meet your student!"

Oh right. Forgot about that part. I don't even try to hide my expression at this revelation, prompting both Lissa and Robin to burst into laughter. Maribelle is still clearly confused, but she understands enough to give me a pitying look.

"For real?" Vaike looks me up and down skeptically. "You sure you came to the right place? You don't exactly look the fighting type." He follows this statement by gesturing in the general direction of my stomach.

…

Oh.

Cool, nice to meet you too.

Lissa gapes at him in horror. Robin and Virion wince. Maribelle still seems preoccupied with wondering who we are, though she certainly doesn't look impressed by Vaike's lack of tact.

You know, I was feeling pretty good about things until just a second ago. Had my first ever meeting with royalty, made friends with Virion, got through my first time undressing around other men in ten years without wanting to curl up and die… Funny how quickly things can go to shit. "And a very merry go fuck yourself to you, too." I snap at Vaike. I am not in the mood for this. Actually, you know what? "I've had a long day Lissa. Do I have an assigned room, or can I just pick an empty one?"

Her gaze snaps to me immediately, her expression pleading. "Ben, you don't have to-"

"Lissa!" I snap, and immediately regret it. Great job Ben, now you're the asshole here. I school my face into a picture of calm, and force my voice to do the same. "Please."

"The… there's nobody staying on the third floor." Lissa replies softly, still blinking her big doe eyes at me. "They might be dusty, but…" Fucking hell, I think I just made a little girl cry. Way to go, me.

"Good enough." I stride towards the door Vaike and Maribelle came through as fast as my legs can take me. I have been awake for far too long to deal with myself right now. I need to sleep. I need… I need to get away from people. I need to not look like Vaike's thoughtless comment didn't just fucking gut me. I see the others look after me, but nobody seems sure of what to say.

Long strides. Fast strides. Not enough to be called a run, but quick enough to get me the fuck out of here.

Somebody runs into me on my way through the door. Whoever it is bounces off me like a ping-pong ball, hitting the ground in a heap. Fuck, mistake, stop and be a person again, Ben. Just hold it together for five fucking seconds!

"I'm so sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going." I smile, pulling the person to their feet without actually seeing them. "Pardon me." I'm going to break, shit.

They say something, but I don't even register what it is. I need to leave now. I can't… people right now. I see the stairs and keep walking towards them.

Calm. Calm. Don't break. Don't fucking break. One step at a time, round the corner… okay they can't see you anymore.

My breath hitches as I start scrambling up the stairs on all fours. Don't have the willpower to remain calm anymore. They can't see, so move. I need to be away from them. I don't need their judgement, I don't need their pity.

I need to fucking break something.

I need to sleep.

I need to wake up able to pretend I'm not me again.

I hit the top of the stairs and throw the first door I see wide open. It has furniture. It'll work. It take me to swipes of my arm before I get my hand on the door handle and slam it shut behind me. The door swinging sends dust blowing across the floor. Looks like the maids had better things to do than to clean an unoccupied room. That's… fucking gross actually. Enough to snap me out of my mood completely.

I'm not staying in here.

My trudge down the stairs is that of a man defeated. I have no more energy to spend on keeping my composure. Everything is just hitting me at once.

"Oh! You're back!" I blink in surprise as a voice calls out. There's a girl standing at the bottom of the stairs, dressed in a plain gown and with ash blonde hair running down her back. I feel like I should recognize her, but there's nobody in the cast who looks like this…

"It's filthy up there." I mutter in response.

"Yes, the maids don't go up there often." The girl sighs. "Were you… looking for someone?"

"I'm looking for an absence of someones." I reply. "I need a room."

"Oh…" the girl looks confused. "You're staying here?"

"Is that a problem?" I grumble. "Do I not look fit enough to be here?" I really don't need more of that shit right now.

"What? No!" She blinks, taken aback by my tone. "I just wondered who you were… I know everyone staying here at the moment."

"Right…" Of course she's wary of a random fucking stranger. "Fucking hell, I'm sorry. Bad day. Name's Ben. I'm new. Just joined today."

"Oh, I see!" The girl seems to perk up at that. "It's okay, I understand. I thought you seemed a bit upset when I bumped into you earlier."

"Ah shit, that was you?" I groan. "I'm sorry, I just really… wanted to get to bed."

"I understand." She smiles sweetly. "With all the yelling going on I don't blame you for wanting to leave."

Yelling? Great, looks like me storming out caused even more problems. "Fucking everything up all at once." I mutter.

"No really, it's okay!" The girl shakes her head vehemently, not understanding what I'm upset about. "I'm a bit of a klutz, so I'm used to falling down! No harm done."

Wait… "What's your name?"

"Oh!" The girl blinks in surprise. "My name is Sumia. It's a pleasure to meet you." She dips her head and curtsies.

"Likewise." I mutter, looking her up and down again. Without the armor or her hair done up she looks like a totally different person. In the game she always looked more like a doll than an actual human being. Seeing her dressed so plainly, she really looks quite charming.

"So you were looking for a room then?" Sumia blushes under my scrutiny. Fuck, dial it back, get your fucking brain in order again dude! Don't make the nice girl uncomfortable!

"Yeah." I school my face back into something carefully neutral. "Preferably one without dust everywhere."

"I see!" Sumia smiles, steepling her fingers in front of her. "Well, some of the rooms on this floor are still available, and the maids keep everything clean here. Let's find you something."

She leads me down to the end of the hall, and shows me to the room at the very end of it. "This one's should work, it has a view of the whole valley from the window! Well, all of the rooms on this side of the building do, but it's still very nice!"

"That sounds great." I feel a weary smile creep across my face in spite of my current mood. "Thank you, Sumia."

"Of course!" She turns back with a smile, but falters when she looks at me. "Is… is there anything else I can do for you?"

"I don't think so." I sigh. "I just… want to sleep."

"Okay…" She frowns, stepping aside. "I hope you're feeling better in the morning!"

I send her one last smile and close the door. "I'm sure I will."

It's a lie, of course. I'm not sure at all. But even if I'm not, nobody will know the difference. Being okay is an act I've kept up for years. And who knows, maybe I actually will be.

Tomorrow's another day, after all.

* * *

 **You know, I wasn't actually planning on that ending. But as I was writing it occurred to me that there was really no way Vaike wouldn't have something to say on the subject. And things wrote themselves from there.**

 **To anyone wondering about any information I give in regards to my life, a great deal of it is changed for reasons that should be obvious. My actual name is Ben, as it says in my profile, and I am from Canada, but anything more specific than that I've tweaked the details. Gotta make mention of that stuff or the story is severely lacking an important sense of personal stakes, but not gonna give people my home address or anything stupid like that.**

 **Anyways, I hope you all found this weird journey into the more fucked up side of my personality to be interesting. See you next time.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Welp, Smash Bros and Pokemon tried to stop me, but after a long fight I finally managed to rewrite all this enough times to come up with something passable. Enjoy, everyone!**

* * *

I wake the next morning to sun creeping through the shutters and the sound of frantic yelling outside the window. I roll over in bed to look outside, and see a knight in green armor rushing towards the stables.

Heh. Guess Stahl just found out that everyone left without him.

…

Fuck. Guess I just found out that everyone left without me.

"Shit!" I sit up and snap the blankets off of me. "The sun was still setting when I went to bed! How the fuck did I sleep so long?" I haul myself out of bed, get to my feet-

And promptly collapse onto the stone floor. Oh right, my legs are fucked. Never did take the time to recover after all that marching, save for the bathhouse. Warm water may ease tension for a little while, but I pushed myself so fucking hard with all the walking that my muscles need to properly heal before I can really use my legs properly.

"Been a long fucking time since this has happened." I grimace, grabbing the bedside table and hauling myself back up. This time I'm able to stay standing by leaning on the table, and I look around the room helplessly.

The room used to host a multiple people, but since it was a soldier's barracks it didn't really hold enough room for multiple people's worth of personal effects. Judging from the scratches on the stone floor, I'd guess it used to have bunkbeds, enough for four people. Probably a trunk or something like that for each soldier. Now that it's been repurposed for one person, it's actually pretty roomy. There's a bed, a table, a chair, and a wardrobe. All are in decent condition too, meaning that I can make myself pretty comfortable here in my off time. Only the best for Chrom's personal soldiers.

Unfortunately the size of the room is working against me, since in my exhausted rush to sleep last night I left my clothes scattered all over. I'm back to standing around in my briefs, since I really didn't want to sleep in my jeans. This means that I need to hobble around for several long, painful minutes while I gather up my stuff and dress myself. Nothing like putting on socks while you can barely bend your legs.

My t-shirt, sweater, and coat are all still missing, so I get the deerskin vest back on and stagger out the door. I stare down the hall, towards the stairs at the far end.

"Now what?" I grumble. I have no idea what I'm rushing around for. I obviously can't go after the rest of the Shepherds right now, not while being unable to walk. Even if I got my hands on a horse, it would be torture to try to ride one with my legs like this, to say nothing of my allergies.

So I guess Regna Ferox isn't in my near future. I've got no way of following them.

That's upsetting for a number of reasons, but putting aside the irrelevant personal grief I have at being left out, it's mostly an issue due to the Lucina Problem. The Feroxi arena was my next chance to see the time traveller again, and without that I have no way to figure out what her issue with me is. Not that I don't have guesses. I reflect on things as I drag myself down the hall.

Lucina seems to think I can't be trusted. There's only two reasons I can think of for such a thing. The first is that she doesn't recognize me, and wants me gone because I'm a stranger. The second theory is that I did something in her timeline that made her shitfest of a life even worse somehow.

Unfortunately, my gut is telling me that the second option is more likely.

I have no doubt that I am a stranger to this world, but I'm a stranger who showed up two days before Lucina did. As far as I know the only time-traveller in Fire Emblem who arrives before Lucina is Laurent, Miriel's son, who showed up three years ago. So unless he stopped being completely irrelevant and somehow magicked me here, my existence in this world is somehow set now.

The timeline of Fire Emblem Awakening is split in two based on a single diverging point. That point is Lucina, who interferes in events as soon as she arrives to the present. Laurent arrives sooner, but again, he's irrelevant. If his presence affects things in any way, they can be likened to a sort of Time Boom effect, like in the Flashpoint Paradox. Lucina's actions are definitely the relevant factor here.

This means that as somebody who joined the Shepherds before Lucina joined up, I have to exist in both timelines. Which means that the only way for me to be a stranger to Lucina is if I die sometime in the very near future.

…Not entirely unlikely, honestly. But I'd prepare to believe that I live a long life as a Shepherd… and I guess betray everyone or something? Hmm. Moral quandaries abound.

Either way, if I've missed the diplomatic mission to Regna Ferox, I've also missed my best chance at getting answers.

Oh, shit. I've reached the stairs.

Okay, no big deal. I can do this. Just take them one at a time-

PAIN

Okay. We're not going to walk down the stairs. That way leads to madness. Instead I just sit my ass down at the top and scooch myself down each step on my hands. Less dignified, sure, but it's not like anybody is here to see me.

"Oh, good morning Ben!"

Fuck.

Somebody is here to see me.

Okay, shit, play it cool.

"Morning." I look behind me to see Sumia beaming down at me from the top of the stairs. "You're looking chipper."

"Well, it is a beautiful morning!" She nods happily. "Are you feeling better today?"

Ah, right. She got the full brunt of my anxiety attack last night. Poor kid. "Yeah, a shitload of sleep and I'm right as rain. Speaking of which, what time is it?"

"Hmm…" Sumia thinks on that for a moment. "I'd say… half past ten?"

Which means I slept for at least fifteen hours. Holy shit that's some kind of record. "Wow."

"You were serious when you said you needed sleep." Sumia nodded along. "I asked Frederick and he told me you weren't used to long marches, not to mention that incident with those monsters and the fire. I'm amazed you lasted through it all! I remember when I first started training I could barely handle running laps."

Gotta say, Sumia's growing on me quickly. She's got a whole lot of energy, much like Lissa, but hers is more earnest, compared to Lissa's feistiness. The girl is just pure as heck and it's endearing to see.

I grin as I start shuffling down the stairs again. "I may be the most out of shape guy in the Shepherds, but I can be pretty goddamn stubborn when I want to be. Not the first time I've had to compete with people in far better shape than me."

"We don't have to compete! Besides, I'd probably lose if we did." Sumia looks at the ground sheepishly. "I can never seem to run laps without tripping over my own feet."

"You haven't seen me run." I shrug. "I like to think my form's alright, but I've got a lot of weight to carry around." The sad truth of the matter. The days of my childhood, when I was the fastest runner in the neighbourhood, are far, far behind me. Those days gave way to years of depression fueled bingeing on junk food, with a healthy serving of 'never leaving the damn house'.

Speaking of which, when was the last time I ate? I think I scarfed down a loaf of bread on the way through Ylisstol. Wait, it was half a loaf, Lissa swiped the rest of it.

"So what's the meal situation around here?" I ask as I round the corner.

"Oh!" Sumia's footsteps race down to follow me. "We have a kitchen on the first floor, on the opposite side of the entrance. I think it was Stahl's turn to cook." She giggles as she passes me. "That's probably why nobody told him about their patrol. He's one of the better cooks in the Shepherds, so they often 'forget' to tell him when he should stop cooking."

"Is Stahl the guy with green armor I saw running around earlier?" I ask for appearances sake.

"Yup, that's him!" Sumia grins. "Chrom decided to take everyone in the Shepherds who can ride a horse and sweep the countryside for monsters. They should be back by tonight."

I can't help but sigh in relief. It would seem that game logic is not dictating the progression of time in this world. Regna Ferox remains a valid option. "Good. I'd hate to be left behind so soon after joining."

Sumia winces at that. Odd. "Yes, it's not pleasant to be left behind while everyone else is out fighting for the people of Ylisse. I only wish I could join them."

"You don't have horseback training?"

"My training was with Pegasus. The two are not nearly as similar as you might think."

"You don't have a Pegasus, then. You weren't able to serve with the one you trained with?" This is something I've always wondered about. Sumia trained with Cordelia, so how did she come to serve in the Shepherds without a mount?

Unfortunately, it seems answers will not be forthcoming. Sumia's gone pale at the question. Time to frantically backtrack. "Okay, I'm sensing some tension here, so how about we both just pretend I didn't ask anything? Sound good? Good! So how about that weather?"

Sumia gives a shaky smile. "I'm sorry, Ben. I don't mean to get so sensitive about such a simple question. I just…" She still seems to be trying to find a way to respond.

"Okay, seriously, stop. It's clear you're not comfortable with the topic." I fake a smile for her sake. "If you decide you want to tell me later, then that's great! But until that day comes, let's just talk about all the breakfast I'm about to need."

Her next smile is more genuine. "I guess it will be quite the breakfast if we're to talk about it for days to come."

"Girl, you have no idea." I grin as I reach the bottom of the stairs. "When I go long enough without eating I have been likened to a shark in a feeding frenzy. By myself, that is. The people who see me are usually too scared to comment." It's sad but true: I have left my roommates speechless at the sight of it.

"Well, we'd better get you fed before that happens!" She takes my arm and pulls me to my feet.

"Thanks. You're taking this in stride pretty well, you know."

"Frederick's fitness regimes can be very brutal. You're not the first person I've seen taking the slow way down the stairs."

* * *

I realize something very important as I walk into the dining hall. When Sumia mentioned bringing everyone who can ride a horse on the patrol, she meant _everyone_. There are no second seals in the real world, which means that a lot of characters don't seem to have an item restricting them from riding a horse. Several of the people I expected to still see here, like Lissa and Miriel, seem to have left on this patrol. I thought Chrom might just be special, but he's clearly not the only one who's already spent some time multiclassing.

As such, the only people left eating breakfast are myself, Sumia, Virion, and… Vaike. Joy. Wait… I feel like I'm forgetting…

"Oh!" I blink as a tall, very plain looking man seems to materialize next to me. "Sorry, didn't see you there!"

"Oh that's alright, it happens all the time." The man gives me a good-natured smile. "You must be the other new Shepherd. My name is Kellam." Wow. The dude disappears so well that without his armor he disappeared right from my memory for a second.

"I'm Ben. Nice to meet you."

"Good morning Kellam!" Sumia waves from my other side.

"Good morning Sumia. How are you today?"

"I'm doing quite well, thank you for asking!" Sumia beams. "I was just about to get some breakfast for Ben. His legs are worn out from the journey from Southtown."

"I can get it myself, there's no need to go out of your way." I start to protest, but Kellam shakes his head emphatically in response.

"Oh it's no trouble. I'll get you a plate in a jiff. Just make yourself comfortable!" Kellam rushes towards the kitchen before I can protest further. I'm about to follow him, but when I blink the man's disappeared. Dude's got a hell of a gift.

"Don't worry, Kellam is very dependable." Sumia smiles, before pausing. "Well at least I think he is? He seems to disappear a lot during battle, but I'm pretty sure that he's still there looking after us. We just don't always see him doing it."

"Yeah, he seems like he's pretty eager to be helpful." I grin as I walk over to where Virion is seated and gingerly lower myself onto the bench opposite him.

"Ben, my good friend! It is truly a marvelous thing to see you in better spirits today!" Virion smiles broadly as I get comfortable. "Ah, and the beautiful Lady Sumia graces us with her presence as well! Truly this is a most glorious morning!"

"Good morning, Virion." Sumia nods politely. "Was your room to your liking?"

"I slept quite soundly indeed!" Virion's honestly hilarious to watch. He seems to do everything with a flourish as he talks, whether it's dabbing at his mouth with a napkin, cutting his bacon, or raising a fork to his mouth. It's a struggle to keep my face straight as he flails around across the table.

A plate piled high with eggs, sausage, and bread suddenly appears in front of me, and I turn in surprise to see Kellam placing a much smaller portion in front of Sumia. "Thanks dude!"

"Glad to help." Kellam takes the empty seat next to Virion and digs into his own plate. "I know how tiring it can be changing your routine so suddenly. I used to be a farmer, so when I joined the Shepherds and started marching everywhere it was exhausting. I was working muscles I didn't know I had!"

"Makes sense." I nod. "Different professions use different muscles in different ways. Any big change would have an effect like that."

"Especially when you weren't using any muscles to begin with." Vaike scoffs from the next table.

I try my best to keep the grimace from my face, but it's clear from everyone's expression that I fail completely. Sumia and Kellam both seem completely taken aback at the attitude. Virion on the other hand looks mad, but in no way surprised.

"Detestable churl." He mutters, looking down at his plate as if weighing the pros and cons of sending his eggs flying into the back of Vaike's head.

"What was that?" Vaike turns around irritably.

"Oh? Is there a problem?" Virion looks up as if confused. "Did you fail to hear what I said, or were the words simply beyond your capacity?"

"Hey, I may not be the smartest guy around but I know an insult when I hear one!" Vaike blusters, getting to his feet. "Listen here fancy pants, you ain't been around nearly long enough for me to let you say whatever the hell you want about me!"

"Ah, but you are able to form an opinion on us so swiftly?" Virion scoffs. "I suppose such is the benefit of a diminutive mind; the information has less distance to travel."

"You trying to start somethin'?"

"My good man, if something has started then you have nobody to blame for it but yourself." Virion's stood as well by this point, and while his posture seems relaxed his expression is more vicious than I thought he was capable of. "Your continued and unwarranted verbal attack upon a man I owe my life to is something I cannot continue to tolerate."

I just live here…

Seriously, this is so FUCKING uncomfortable! I feel myself shrinking into my seat, and see Kellam doing the same across from me. I wonder which is worse, being the guy indirectly responsible for this argument or being one of the bystanders. I think back to high school for a moment, but it was so damn long ago and the drama was so fucking brutal that I've essentially wiped it from my memory. Not that I don't appreciate Virion sticking up for me, but as much as Vaike is pissing me off I really don't want to make a big deal out of this.

"I don't give a damn what you want to taller-ate!" Vaike's face twists as he stumbles on the word. "I don't know you, and I don't like you! And if you think I'm trusting my life to some stupid dandy, or his fat friend, then you can just-"

"Vaike."

Everything stops. And I mean everything.

Vaike's mouth snaps shut with an audible click. Virion looks like a deer caught in the headlights. I feel as though a fog lifts in my mind that I wasn't even aware existed. When did I get up? When did I pick up my chair? I'd ask why I picked it up, but the sound of my heartbeat pounding in my ears is enough to tell me I was seconds away from going full caveman on Vaike's ass.

If Sumia hadn't spoken up when she did I'd probably have tried to murder him. Hell, I still want to beat him into paste. But her tone of voice…

Let's just say that the temperature of the room dropped several degrees. Sumia may have addressed Vaike just now, but she did so in a tone of voice that promised pain to everyone involved. I don't turn back to look at her. I'm honestly too scared to. The way Virion and Vaike are going pale tells me that my instincts are dead on the fucking money with that one.

The chair hits the ground with a clatter, having slipped from my hands. Vaike jumps at the sound, having not even noticed me get up. That jump carries him into a bit of furious backpedalling that carries him right into his table, where he nearly falls over before catching himself with one hand.

He gulps audibly, staring past my shoulder to where Sumia is looming. There's a brief instant where Sumia feels like a giant towering behind me, despite my brain knowing she's at least half a foot shorter. I can only imagine how she looks to Vaike since I'm still too scared to turn around. The expression on his face when he finally speaks is what I would imagine a man heading to the gallows would wear. "Sumia?"

"Leave the room Vaike."

"Huh?"

"Leave. The. Room." Her voice has a weird lilt to it, and I almost chance a glance to see her expression before thinking better of it. "Chrom will be hearing about this when he returns."

"I just, he was, I mean-" He gulps again. "Okay." The rest of us watch in silence as he beats a hasty exit across the room. He spares a longing glance towards his breakfast at the door, but knows better than to go back for the plate. If the door swings shut a bit harder behind him than is polite, Sumia doesn't comment on it.

The slamming door seems to jar Virion enough that he regains his voice, and he turns towards the rest of us looking distraught. "My most sincere apologies, everyone. I don't know what came over me. Please believe that such vulgar displays are not a normal indulgence of mine!"

"I believe you." Sumia's voice sounds a bit less dangerous now, so I finally chance a look and see that she mostly just looks tired at this point. "You certainly don't seem the type. That said, I will have to tell Frederick and Chrom about this all the same." She turns her attention on me as well, and her expression saddens. "Including what you were about to do with that chair."

"I have no excuse." I sigh. "Just kinda lost it there. I didn't even realize what I was doing until you spoke up."

"I take full responsibility." Virion straightens and looks over at me. "I allowed my temper to get the better of me, and escalated the situation far beyond what was called for. Dear Sumia, if you would be so kind as to say as much to our esteemed leader?"

Sumia sighs and sits back down in her chair. "I'll tell him, of course. I don't blame either of you, not really. I've never seen Vaike act so malicious before. He can certainly lack tact at times, but that was just awful."

"If I were to guess, I would say that he is bitter about the scolding he received last night." Virion remarks as we all take our seats again. "He received no shortage of harsh words for his thoughtless comment last night, from Lissa and Maribelle first, then Chrom and Frederick afterwards."

"I had wondered what all the shouting was about." Kellam comments. "Still, it's weird that he would get so angry about that. He's usually pretty level headed when he's not fighting or training."

"Ugh." Sumia sighs and prods at her breakfast. "I already worry enough with Chrom out there fighting while I'm stuck here. Now I have to figure out what to tell him when he gets back."

Her lamenting brings to mind something about the argument just now that suddenly strikes me as odd. "So, I never asked, but are you another authority figure here? Vaike barely even put up a fight when you told him to leave."

"No, not particularly." Sumia blushes.

"Oh, you're just being modest." Kellam grins, and turns to Virion and I. "Sumia spends a lot more time here than the rest of us since she doesn't have a Pegasus right now, so she manages most of the affairs around the barracks. If Chrom is in charge in the field, then she's in charge here. It makes a lot of sense too, since she and Chrom are courting right now."

Okay, that adds up. I nod thoughtfully.

Wait.

What.

"What?" I blink and turn to Sumia in shock, who has buried her (very flushed) face in her hands. "You and Chrom are…?"

Sumia peeks out at me between her fingers and nods once. "For about a year now." She replies in a small voice.

This changes a few things! This changes a lot of things, actually! I can see the logic in a way, it really wouldn't make sense for all of these members to only just be starting to know each other. Most of them have years of history together.

Christ, it's just now starting to dawn on me just how out of place I really am here. It was already obvious enough that I didn't belong since I'm literally from another world, but the Shepherds here are not like those of the game. They aren't starting at level one like I am (figuratively speaking), they've been building bonds between them for a long time now, they've branched out in ways I didn't think they could until after the war with Plegia started!

And all of those ground-breaking revelations are suddenly being eclipsed by the possibilities that are racing through my head. The shipping possibilities. Dear god, if Chrom and Sumia are already together who knows what else has gone on! I need the juicy details and I need them immediately!

"Oh-ho! Best be careful now, everyone!" Virion crows and grins mischievously. "It would seem from the glint in his eye that our good friend Ben here is something of a gossip hound!"

I chuckle at that. "My luck with women is slim enough as to be non-existent, so I have a bad habit of living vicariously through my friends."

Sumia grins in spite of herself at that. "I should introduce you to my friend Cordelia, you'd get along splendidly."

What's that, Sumia? You want to introduce me to best girl? Yes please I'd love to!

"Fun as that sounds, the last thing I need is encouragement." I chuckle and reply honestly. "I already spend enough time fussing about relationships-" wait, don't talk about video games, don't talk about shipping, what's safe here, "in books." Nice save!

"Oh, do you read a lot?" Sumia perks up. Right, she's a big fan of literature.

"I'd say so. Lots of reading, comics, movies…" Oops. Dropping a whole lot of foreign concepts here.

"When you say comics, you refer to entertainers?" Virion looks over curiously. "Like a jester or a bard?"

Right, I suppose the word has that interpretation as well. "Actually, where I come from the word more often refers to a sort of picture book. One which markets itself more towards an older audience. They're usually focused on a more action-based story, but some countries write and draw romances or dramas as well." No need to throw the term manga around, it would only complicate things.

"That sounds fun!" Sumia smiles, "And movies?"

"They're like a stage play, but different." I pause as I think how best to explain it. "Essentially, you can make a movie using special equipment that lets you perform wherever you want. This means that you don't have as many restrictions on props and setting the stage. The actors give one really good performance, and then the equipment basically makes a copy of the performance. Once you have that copy, you can show it to people in any theater."

"So… if one were to perform a story that takes place in a forest, the movie shows them not only that performance, but also the forest itself?" Virion muses. "It sounds like an impressive sort of magic, but I believe you mentioned yesterday that your world is rather lacking in that regard?"

"Yup, no magic to speak of." I shrug. "They're essentially a series of pictures shown one after another. And… I'm actually not sure what they do to make the sound play." I frown as I think on it. Something about scratching the film in a certain way maybe? I think that's how VHS works at least.

Eh, I come from the future, it's probably all lasers by now.

"That's really neat, Ben." Kellam nods along. "I just have one question: what's Virion mean when he says you don't have magic in your world? What sort of place are you from?"

I can't help but grin at that. I get a feeling that before too long I'll be fed up with explaining this, but for now it's a weird sort of novelty.

* * *

The four of us split into two groups once breakfast is over, with Kellam showing Virion the archery range while Sumia leads me somewhere different. 'Lead' in this case being used in a sense altogether different to what Sumia would prefer.

"Are you sure you don't need my help?" She hovers uneasily a foot away from me as I limp down the hallway.

I roll my eyes in spite of myself. She's been asking this question for the better part of twenty minutes. "Sumia, I'm fine. I have been fine, and I will be fine." I look over to her and smile to show her I appreciate the offer. "You said yourself, we shouldn't make contact." All sorts of 'noble' ladies who are looking to start a scandal. Seeing the woman courting the Prince on the arm of another man would definitely do that, regardless of circumstances.

"Yes, but you're in such rough shape, I feel terrible for making you walk on your own!"

"Contrary to what Vaike might think, this isn't the first time I've pushed myself to this extent." I grin as I haul myself along with one hand on the wall. "I took a course once in my university that was intended for professional athletes. I may not have performed as well as many of those guys, but I didn't push myself any less than them."

It's honestly one of my only fond memories of university; taking that class and watching the basketball and football players look on in surprise as the fattest guy in the class pushed himself alongside them. They'd start to offer advice, then just trail off as I start jumping through tires and stuff and just nod along as I went. It wasn't that I was performing on their level or anything, but I was performing, and they didn't expect it of me. And in the end, I like to think I impressed them in that regard, not that I had the guts to ask them.

That's essentially what I'm aiming for right now. The others don't think much of me right now from a physical perspective, but I've proved people wrong before and I'll do the same here. Even if I've got to work harder to keep up this time.

"What do they teach at universities in your world?" Sumia asks curiously, drawing my attention back out of my own head. "The universities here are mostly for studying magic."

"Honestly, depending on where you go you could learn just about anything." I shrug. "Mathematics, art, science, literature, music, acting, philosophy, theology, history…"

"Oh!" Sumia nods. "I think a lot of those are side courses at the university. Miriel graduated from there, so you could ask her about it. Though… she'll probably ask you first." She trails off and looks away with a frown, then whispers to herself, "Maybe we shouldn't mention it."

"I'm from another world Sumia, she's bound to have questions for me whether she knows I went to university or not." I grin. Knowing what I know about Miriel, she'll announce more studies on me than the rest of the Shepherds put together. I'm a pretty damn big anomaly.

"I suppose that's true." Sumia sighs. "Well I suppose I'll have to make sure you have a buffer. She can be very… enthusiastic. And eccentric."

"I'm sure I'll be fine." I shrug as we round the corner and stop for a moment in surprise. "Whoa. That it?" I stare down the hall at the two massive doors that take up the entire end of the hall, complete with two armed guards standing at attention."

"Yup, this is one of the biggest collections of books in our world, so we have to take its security seriously." Sumia grins. "Come on, you'll love it!"

I grin back at her and hobble my way towards the door. The guards give me odd looks as I approach, but snap to attention when Sumia stands in front of them.

"Since you're with me it'll be okay for you to enter right now." Sumia tells me, while also prompting the guards to open the door for us. "Chrom forgot to talk to Her Grace the Exalt about giving you access though, so until we can find the time to solve that issue you'll need to have somebody with you."

"Fair enough. I'm good with just getting a feel for the place today." I shrug, pushing myself off the wall and past the guards. Feels like my legs are starting to heal a little, though I can't help but wish I had some painkillers. I'll have to take it easy once we get back to the barracks, no doubt Frederick will have lots of training planned for tomorrow.

"So, what do you think?" Sumia asks eagerly as I walk through the doors, snapping me out of my thoughts. Right, came all this way to see the royal library, I suppose I should actually look at the place…

Huh.

In a lot of ways, the world of Fire Emblem has been kinda underwhelming in a way. The world may be magical, but it's also centuries behind my own on a technological level. Everything they have, we have something more effective.

But this library blows anything I've ever seen out of the fucking water. I can tell at a single glance that this place has more books than both universities I've attended put together. Every wall in the massive room is covered with books, with shelves stretching almost to the ceiling. The far wall has massive windows that let the sunlight beam through, with dust particles making the very air of the room seem to glow. Shelves half as tall as the walls stretch up across the room, with a balcony floor resting on top of them that stretches along the left and right. In the middle, between the rows of shelves, rows of tables surrounded with plush armchairs are arranged for readers to sit at, and the center of the wall at the back, between the windows, has a massive fireplace with an ornate mantle.

Give it a coat of white paint and it would fit right into a certain Disney movie.

It's enough to make my jaw drop, earning a pleased smile from Sumia.

"I'll take that as a sign of approval!" She grins and walks over to a nearby shelf. "So, you never did tell me what sort of books you were looking to read?"

"History, magical theory, and especially anything on the Outrealm gate." I shrug my shoulders. "I'm looking for all the information I can get on it so I can figure out how to get home."

"Oh." Sumia looks back in surprise. "I'm… not very familiar with non-fiction. Unless it involves Pegasus care, that is." She takes the book she was planning to show me and slides it discreetly back onto the shelf. Some sort of fantasy or romance story, in all likelihood. I try to glance at the title of the book to see if I can find out from that.

"Wait." I blink in surprise. Did I really fail to think of this?

"Oh, did you want to look at this one after all?" Sumia blinks and pulls the book back out with a smile. "It's really a favorite of mine, so-"

"Shit!" I walk up and grab the book from her, causing her to step back in alarm.

"Well that's hardly fair, you haven't even opened it…" She starts to protest, but my frantic flipping through the book alerts her to the panic I'm feeling. "Ben, what's the matter?"

"I'm a goddamn idiot is what's the matter!" I snap, staring at the foreign characters on the page in the hopes that my brain may suddenly shift and come to understand them. "Frederick said earlier that the tags on my clothing were in a foreign language, but being the absolute moron that I fucking am I didn't dwell on it! I should have expected this!" I groan and hand the book back to Sumia with a sigh.

"Wait, so you're saying…" Sumia blinks and looks back at her book in surprise.

"Our worlds may have the same spoken language, but our written language is different." I lean against a wall with a sigh. "I suppose it makes sense in a way. It's lucky enough I can talk to you guys to begin with."

"Oh no!" Sumia looks back at her book in distress. "I don't even know where to start with a problem like this!"

"I wouldn't expect you to. I can't imagine it's a common issue." I sigh and run a hand through my hair. "Well, I'm sure I can learn in time, but for now I think we're out of luck."

"I'm so sorry Ben, I was sure this would cheer you up!" Sumia sighs forlornly, looking like she's about to start tearing up. Oh right, she's a crier, evasive maneuvers, damage control!

"Hey, it's cool!" I wave my hands in an attempt to placate her. "I appreciate the thought, really! And it's a pretty damn great library even if I can't read this language. I'm sure once I've had the time to learn your lettering it'll be my favorite place in the castle."

"You think so?" She looks up and hits me with the most potent puppy dog eyes I've ever seen.

"Sure!" I smile and look away before she can overwhelm me. "Give it a few weeks and I'll definitely be back. Plus this'll give us time to get me permission to come back myself. See, everything works out!"

"Alright then." Sumia gives me a watery smile, and leads the way back to the entrance. "In the meantime, I can come up with a list of books for you to read! You can catch up once you've learned how."

"Sounds great." I follow her back out, trying my best to ignore the guards. The bastards heard the whole conversation and are snickering at the dumbass who came to the library despite being unable to read. I want nothing more than to hit them in that moment. I quietly follow Sumia back to the barracks instead.

* * *

The rest of the day goes quickly. Since the library doesn't pan out Sumia takes Virion and I to the market instead. I use some of the coins I picked up off of the bandit two days ago to buy a journal, and a book for drawing. This world does have pencils, thank god, so I at least have something to do in my free time. My usual fare of YouTube videos and video games is obviously off the table.

The journal is something of an unusual purchase for me. But I know enough about how my own brain dysfunctions to know that I'm going to need some sort of outlet. If I get all the secrets I don't want people knowing out on paper, then I might be less likely to slip up in the future. I haven't blown it yet, but there's been a few close calls. Glad I made the call to come clean about coming from another world at least, because there's no way that secret would have kept for long.

Once I had all that, I let Sumia make a few practical recommendations, such as candles and a rug (so I don't have to walk on cold stone in the morning). Then I bought some clothing for myself after consulting with Virion. Given his penchant for fancy clothing he gave some surprisingly practical advice.

The end result was probably the biggest shopping spree I've ever been on. The coin pouch was all but spent when I was done. Ill-gotten gains given a proper purpose. Hopefully they pay well enough in the Shepherds though, because I don't feel inclined to rob corpses again in the near future. I can't imagine Chrom looks favorably on that sort of thing, even if it is practical.

Once Virion and I have everything we need we lug it back up the hill with the help of Kellam (who was apparently there the whole time) and settle in the common area to make ourselves busy until the rest of the Shepherds are back. Vaike seems to be avoiding the rest of us now, since I haven't seen him since breakfast. I feel like I should care, but I can't say I give a shit about him after almost breaking a chair on his head.

After a while Sumia and Virion leave to work on dinner, and Kellam… well I guess I lost him at some point, because he's nowhere to be seen. Probably sitting across from me. If I squint he'll probably just phase into view… oh shit there he is, reading. Huh.

Meanwhile I'm sitting back and drawing some characters from my DnD campaign. Lord only knows how long it'll be until I can go back and see my group again. Years of work on that homebrew, down the drain. I can only hope they'll be able to start again without me, it would suck if my disappearance ruined things for the rest of them.

There's a lot of things that are going to get screwed up by my disappearance. I've got two months until my shit gets tossed from my apartment. My family relies on me whenever somebody needs a ride or something moved… My friends are all… well, I hardly ever talk to anybody outside of the DnD group anymore. No girlfriend either.

I sigh, closing my book and setting it and the pencil on the table. "What does it say about me that my concern in going home lies more with my physical possessions than the people I knew?"

"… Maybe you should meet better people?" Kellam responds hesitantly, not sure if my question was directed at him. It wasn't, but I can't help but chuckle at his answer.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Kellam, but I'm pretty sure I'm the worst person that I know."

"Oh…"

Kellam isn't sure what to say to that. I'm not sure either. Feeling bad for distracting him with my angsty bullshit, I grin up at him and shrug. "Don't mind me, buddy. I'm just moping."

"I see…" Kellam's face takes a thoughtful expression as he stares up at the ceiling. "I don't think it's a bad thing to worry about what's yours. And I don't think you're a bad person, either. Chrom wouldn't bring you here if he thought you couldn't be trusted."

A simple view, but one I can appreciate. "I guess I'll just have to prove Chrom right then, won't I?"

"Prove me right about what?"

I spin in surprise to see that Chrom has wandered into the room while we were talking. "Geez Chrom, thought you weren't due back for hours!"

"Well, that was the plan…" Chrom gives a tired shrug and smiles. "Frederick had other ideas though."

"What do you mean?"

"He was… very motivated today." Chrom winces. "Apparently he's been running through training plans for you, Robin, and Virion all day. He drove us hard so he could get us back and hash out the details." As he says this I notice the dirt smudged across his face and armor. No wonder he looks so out of it.

"Well, it's nice to know he's so enthusiastic, I guess."

Chrom winces again. Ominous. "Remember that feeling of gratitude. Once you've started training it may become easy to forget."

"Yikes." I grimace. "That bad, huh?"

"Whatever you're thinking, it's probably worse." Chrom sighs forlornly. "Frederick's Fanatical Fitness Hour is bad enough. What he has in mind for you is more like a Fanatical Fitness Day."

"I prefer 'Frederick's Daunting Day of Discipline' personally; the alliteration really is crucial." Frederick marches in looking flushed from a hard day of work and beaming with energy all the same. "It is good to see you, Ben. I have here for you a personalized training plan. We will have you in fighting shape in no time. It even comes with pictures, since I know your written language and mine is different."

"Wow." I blink at the schedule, with its pictures, color coordination, and blocks of unreadable text. "When did you find the time to put this together?"

"I made it while riding between destinations!" Frederick glows with pride.

"Damn, that is impressive work dude…" I have to give credit where credit is due, this guy made one hell of a presentation. It really is a shame. "Sucks that it won't work though."

"What?" Frederick's face becomes stern immediately. "I hope you aren't suggesting that you find this too rigorous. You told me you were looking forward to this."

"And I am. Seriously." I point to the large blocks of red on the schedule, marked with tiny horses. "But I can't deal with horses."

"Are horses a foreign entity where you come from?" Chrom asks curiously. "Because I assure you they're quite reliable, and a great boon to any battle."

"Oh I know that. We have horses back home, tons of them in fact." I am a proud resident of stampede country after all. "I've even ridden one in the past. Which is how I learned that I'm allergic to them."

Frederick's face falls at that. "You have allergies?"

"To cats, dogs, and horses." I sigh. "I know, it sucks. Love animals, but the furry ones make my eyes swell shut. I usually tough it out with dogs, because they're perfect and I love them. Horses though… I probably react worse to them than any other animal. It's bad enough that after riding one once I made a point of never going near one again."

"Ah, and here I thought the distance you kept from Sully and I during our march was the result of your fatigue. To think it was a medical concern…" Frederick looks shocked.

"It was a little of both, really." I shrug. "Anyways, putting me on a horse is just going to make me a bigger liability than I am already. We'll have to find something else to fill that time with. Reading lessons maybe? I don't intend to let this language barrier hold me back forever."

"He's got reading lessons marked down, Ben." Kellam pipes up helpfully from behind me. "That's the green blocks with the pictures of books."

"Oh, I thought that was magic, thanks Kellam." There's a sudden burst of sputtering coughs from Chrom, who seems to have only just noticed Kellam was here.

"The magic trials will begin once you're capable of reading a spellbook." Frederick sniffs, as he grabs my pencil off the table and starts scratching notes down on the red boxes.

"Oh, fucking duh. That makes sense." I frown. "So who's teaching me to read?"

"I'll be asking a boy named Ricken to assist with that." Chrom replies. "He's a sort of unofficial member of the group, since he's too young to join at the moment. Since he's always looking for a way to prove himself, I've decided to give him the job. He's sure to take to it with enthusiasm."

"Huh. Sounds good to me." Ricken's a smart kid. I'm sure I can trust him to do well.

"Frederick, I'm sorry to say, but you might need to change another part of the schedule as well." Kellam interjects tentatively.

Frederick blinks, looks up at Kellam, and gives the guy a calculating frown. "Kellam, if you see further issue with my efforts I would appreciate clarification."

Kellam shuffles uneasily. "Well, I noticed you had axe training listed for Ben with Vaike, but putting them together might now be a great idea…"

"Is this in regards to last night's incident?" Chrom looks over to me with concern. "If you have misgivings with him for his comments I don't blame you, but I can vouch for Vaike's character."

"Right…" I look over at Kellam awkwardly. "I'm sure he's a good guy if you say so, but the dude… kinda hates me."

"A lot." Kellam supplies. "He started an argument with Virion about it during breakfast."

"Sumia broke it up before things got out of hand, but everyone got… pretty heated." I finish lamely, not quite having the guts to tell him about the chair. "She said she'd tell you about it, but I guess she didn't get the chance yet."

"No, I haven't seen her yet. We just got in and happened to see you here." Chrom sighs, turning to Frederick. "We'd better hear this from her before settling on anything."

"She and Virion should be working on dinner, I think." I supply.

"She's alone with Virion?" Chrom gapes in barely disguised horror. "That philanderer?"

"I don't think you have anything to worry about." I chuckle at his expression, "She's already informed us about her relationship status, so I'm sure he'll behave. Aside from the usual idle flattery, that is."

"I… I'm still stopping them!" Chrom rushes out of the room with a swish of his cape, which causes my chuckles to evolve into full-blown laughter.

"Quite protective of his girlfriend, isn't he?" I grin. "Not that I blame him, she's a lovely girl."

"She is." Frederick sighs in fond exasperation as he starts to follow after Chrom. "He and I both long for the day when the rest of the court can finally see as much."

"Court? Like, royal court?"

"Indeed. I shall have a new schedule for you by the end of the day Ben." Frederick's tone tells me clearly that he won't be elaborating on the situation with Sumia, which is fair enough as far as I'm concerned.

Don't want to get involved with politics anyways. It's always just a bunch of assholes posturing while stomping what few good people are to be found into the dirt. Nothing good to be gained from it anymore. Politicians exist only for politicians. With the exception of Emmeryn, I don't expect Ylisse to be any different.

"It's too bad Frederick's schedule didn't work out." Kellam comments, pulling me out of my head once again. "He worked so hard on it."

"Yeah." I shrug. "Well that'll be a lesson for him, I guess. Don't put too much of your effort into the first draft. There's always room for improvement, and there's always a chance that improvement will be essential. Anyways." I grab my sketchbook and pencil, then head for the door. "I'm gonna go put all my stuff away before dinner's finished. See you later Kellam."

"If you do, I will be very impressed!" Kellam replies, earning a bark of laughter from me. The bio in the game wasn't lying, he really is proud of his little talent.

I take the steps to the rooms two at a time, marvelling at how much my legs have improved over the course of the day. The hallway is clear, so I take it at a jog, just to stretch my muscles a bit so they don't get too stiff.

This proves to be a mistake, since Vaike comes out of his room at the worst possible time and I crash right into him. To my annoyance, despite being taller and probably heavier than him he hardly budges, shifting his feet and letting his muscle weather the impact easily. In contrast I stumble backwards, barely catching myself from falling.

"Watch where you're going." He growls irritably at me, before stalking past me to dinner. "You already don't fit in, so don't start causing problems."

"Blow it out your ass, blondie." I snap back, having not regained much patience for him since breakfast.

"What did you say?" He whirls around furiously.

You heard me. You're a fucking idiot and I am already done with your bullshit. Chrom said he wanted me here, so I'm here. You don't matter enough to get a say on that, so quit your bitching and fucking deal with it.

"I said I'm sorry about that." I say. "Shouldn't have been running."

"That's not what you said." Vaike growls.

"Sure it is." I blink innocently. "Why, what did you think I said?"

"You think you're so clever?" Vaike looks me over and snorts. "The others can play nice all they want. I won't. Fat bastard like you, livin' easy your whole life, never havin' to worry? I ain't gonna pretend you have a place here. I heard what happened in Southtown. You and I both know you impressed Chrom on a fluke, and now you're just lookin' to take advantage of him so you can live comfortably."

I step back uneasily. It hurts to admit, but he's not entirely wrong here. Hell, he's mostly right! I definitely got lucky with those bandits, and I know compared to him I've had it easy. And while Vaike doesn't know it, I set myself up with those bandits knowing Chrom would be there to see it. I manipulated the situation to get myself in with the Shepherds. Took advantage of his good will.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Vaike shakes his head and stalks away. "Don't go getting comfortable. This isn't the sort of place you think. This place is for the best soldiers in the kingdom. You won't last a week before the training gets to be too much, and you run for the hills."

I watch him leave in complete silence. I can't help but wonder if he's right. I'm not a soldier, I stock shelves at a Walmart. I don't have physical fitness to rely on, or exceptional cleverness. My strategic ability is alright, but I can already tell I'm no match for Robin. I am the weakest Shepherd. And if this were my home I wouldn't even think about doing any of this. The first day of push-ups I'd be out.

"I suppose it's too bad for me then. I have no choice but to succeed here." I sigh. That's what it boils down to in the end. My options are nonexistent. I either stay and find a way home, or try to make it on my own and get killed when the Plegian army rolls through.

Not much of a choice there, since I don't particularly want to die.

I guess I'll just have to stick with it for once, and rub Vaike's face in it afterwards.

And damned if the thought of seeing Vaike eat his words isn't a special kind of motivation.

* * *

 **Big thanks to everyone who's reviewed, favorited, or followed since last chapter. It's always appreciated.**

 **Next chapter we'll get back into game stuff! Hope you look forward to it as much as I do!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Happy Holidays, everyone!**

 **Just a bit of a warning here everyone, there's some pretty serious violence in this chapter. Because red is a Christmas color! ;D**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

"Ben, look out!"

I grin as my opponent's blade blurs above my head, lashing out with my axe and forcing him away. "She likes me best, you know." I taunt Chrom cheekily, prompting him to roll his eyes and open himself up for another split second.

Chrom catches the haft of my weapon with the blade of his own, and slides swiftly towards my fingers, aiming to disarm me. I respond by swiftly twisting my weapon to the side, just barely catching his sword and pulling it away. My fingers tingle as his blade grazes the hair on my knuckles, and I grimace at the distracting itch of it as I dance away.

Chrom nods approvingly, before his face settles into a taunting smirk. "Any favoritism Lissa shows you is purely on the basis of your hair, and you know it."

"Hey, if you got it, flaunt it." I chuckle as we re-engage. "Even if I fail this test, I can at least rest easy knowing I'm prettier than you."

"You wish!" he laughs along with me as his swing is blocked and I'm sent skidding across the dirt, barely keeping my footing.

We act in high spirits, but I can't help but wince internally at the misplay. I should have deflected, to conserve energy, but Chrom's sword moves so damn fast I can't position myself properly. Hopefully the judges don't dock too many points for that.

Chrom's going easy on me, but as a soldier he's still far beyond my skills. I mean, good luck finding a Shepherd who isn't aside from our healers, but damn if the gap isn't huge here. I have yet to land a clean hit on the prince, and we've been fighting for several minutes.

I need to make something happen here, because if I don't I will be stuck on house arrest for another month and I've already started to go stir-crazy. As a former basement dweller you'd think I'd be used to staying in one place, but holy shit is it ever boring without the internet.

Chrom's sword comes for my side and I narrowly deflect it, stomping forward to attempt a charge, but thinking better of it when his sword blurs between us. I thrust forward instead, catching his sword on the flat of my blade and knocking him a pace back with a grunt.

Well, at least this is going better than some of my matches. Sully doesn't even pretend to hold back against me, on the grounds that she has better things to do than coddle men's egos (which is fair). And the one time I was talked into sparring with Vaike he broke three of my ribs. Thank fuck for healing magic, that's all I have to say on that merry fucking misadventure.

Chrom is far more willing to give me time to act, but damned if it isn't frustrating all the same. Other than Stahl and maybe Robin I've sparred with him the most, but I have yet to find an exploitable weakness.

Welp, there's one weakness all men share, I suppose.

The next time he swings for my side I block the blow, and manage to pin the sword to my side with an arm. Chrom frowns in concern as I hold the blade for a moment, then gasps in sudden fear as my leg snaps up towards his groin. He frees himself in time to escape, but the motion gets him on the back foot as I rush in. To my right I hear Lissa and Sully laughing hysterically at the move, and grin as I force him on the defensive.

"Gods!" Chrom grunts as he blocks my attack. "That's hardly sporting!"

"First rule of a good brawl: cause as much pain as you can as quickly as you can." I grin sadistically as I swing for him again.

"One problem." Chrom's eyes glint dangerously as he catches the blow and drags my weapon aside, aiming to disarm me, "This is a duel, not a brawl."

I barely hold my axe in my left hand, abandon the right as a lost cause, and use my now free arm to grab him by the shoulder and headbutt him in the nose. "Anything is possible if you only believe!"

"Augh!" Chrom grunts, staggering backwards.

"Wooo!" Lissa cheers in excitement.

Chrom swings blindly with one hand, clutching at his bloody nose with the other. Since I barely have a hold on my weapon I'm forced to retreat and re-arm myself. I take my eyes off of Chrom for a moment while I readjust my grip. In the split second I look away, he vanishes.

A shadow flitting across my eyes alerts me to what's just happened, and I look up in horror to see Chrom spinning at me like some sort of bladed fucking cannonball.

Jesus fuck, that move is real?

I barely bring my axe up in time to block the attack, but Chrom's a heavy motherfucker, so the weight forces me to take a knee. Seriously, I thought that was just some sort of anime thing, not that it was a thing people did around here!

I push the sword aside and haul myself back to my feet, and Chrom falls back shakily. Is he dizzy from the spinning? Has he seriously never done this before?

Chrom shakes his head to snap himself out of it, recovering just as my foot sinks into his gut, knocking the wind out of him. He staggers back with a wheeze, but still manages to swat my next swing aside, sending my arm flying wide again. Looks like he's not holding his strength back any-oh fuck.

Chrom's fist plows into my jaw hard enough to send me flying. My head protests as I spin disoriented through the air, and land on my back hard enough to drive the air from my lungs.

I blink in shock as my vision swims, and when I've recovered, I'm looking down the point of Chrom's sword. He glares down at me grumpily, his nose and mouth a mess of blood, and makes his demand.

"Yield."

I open my mouth to reply, and hiss as it doesn't quite respond. Is it dislocated? Chrom certainly hit me hard enough to do it. Thank fuck I'm concussed right now or else the pain would probably be unbearable. As it stands, all I feel is a weird fuzziness.

"Iuh… still… hrettier." I grunt out loudly, before slapping my hand on the ground to signal the judges. I give up.

Chrom drops the practice sword in relief, sitting down next to me with a huff. "Gods that was annoying." He gasps, wiping blood off his face. "Sorry about your jaw."

"Eh." I grunt, not trusting myself to be particularly eloquent at the moment. "Ha-hens." This sort of thing doesn't actually happen to me often of course, but after breaking his nose I won't hold it against him.

"Geez you two, that was a bit much at the end there!" Lissa laughs as she jogs up and starts healing my jaw. "You're not supposed to actually try to kill each other, you know."

"Absolutely barbaric." Maribelle scolds, tending to Chrom's nose. "Like watching Neanderthals."

"Ah, cripes." I gasp as my jaw clicks back into place. "Had to do something, he almost had me with that disarm."

"And here I thought you to be a gentleman." Maribelle looks back at me sternly.

"I am a Canadian." I respond with a grin. I give Lissa a conspiratorial wink as she starts tending to my bruises. "We're like gentlemen, only fightier."

"'Fightier' is not a word, and if it was, they would be mutually exclusive." Maribelle sniffs.

"You're mocking my culture right now Maribelle. That's hardly something a proper lady would do."

Chrom snorts at this, which turns into a cough as Maribelle's glare swivels back to him. He shrugs innocently and gestures to his now unbroken nose. "It's the blood." Lissa and I burst into laughter.

After a few more minutes of sitting patiently while Lissa and Maribelle tend to us, Chrom and I are finally given a clean bill of health, and he helps me up to go face the music.

"Seriously though, what was that crazy fucking jump you did back there?" I chuckle as we head to the judges. "That has to be the most impractical thing I've ever seen."

"I was a little annoyed after the headbutt." Chrom replies sheepishly. "I decided to embarrass you by beating you in a flashier way than usual."

"Ah, wanted to style on me, did you?" I nod sagely, thinking back on fighting games back home.

"Is that your term for it?" Chrom chuckles. "Your people have the most unusual sayings."

"Yeah… coming up with nonsense like that is something of a specialty where I come from." God bless the internet era, host to the mighty Memelords.

"Sounds like an interesting place… Ah hells." Chrom trails off, and I follow his gaze towards the castle, from which a page is rushing towards us. "That's never a good sign." He claps a hand to my shoulder. "I'll go see what's happening. Tell Frederick you have my approval."

"Oh! Uh, sure, thanks!" I'm caught a bit off guard by the sudden vote of confidence, and Chrom strides away to meet with the page.

I turn back towards the assembled Shepherds and crack my neck to hide my uncertainty. Acting face on, show no unease. If the others think you lack confidence in your performance that could tip the scales against you.

Along with Chrom, the other people judging me are Frederick, Stahl, Sully, and Robin. Five people seems like a bit much to me, but since this is to determine whether I'll be safe in the field Frederick thinks it's a justifiable precaution. Sure wish my reading and magic training was going better, I have a feeling that there would be far less fuss if I wasn't slated to be a frontline fighter. Unfortunately, while I have proven to be capable of using magic, Miriel is of the opinion that my channeling power is to weak.

In game terms: I have the proficiency, but my magic stat is trash.

"So, Chrom has voted yes." I stand at attention in front of the judge's panel.

"I expected as much." Frederick sighs. "The prince is of the opinion that the battlefield is the best educator."

"Depends on your definition of best I suppose." I shrug. "I certainly learned a lot the day I met you all, but I also nearly died, so…"

"Yes, that would be why we have been hesitant." Frederick sighs.

"Speak for yourself, I'm with Chrom on this one." Sully chuckles. "If it wasn't for you I'd be nice and crispy right now. You've got a lot of work to do, but I'm willing to give you a shot."

I keep my face straight, but inside I'm sighing with relief. Of the remaining judges, Sully was definitely a concern. She's got a similar attitude to Chrom, but she's far less willing to mince words. If I was significantly lacking, she'd let me know. I suppress a shudder at the memory of our sparring sessions. Vaike may have hurt me worse, but Sully does far more damage to my pride. When she hits me it's not some bullshit grudge, it's just pure inadequacy on my part, and that's a bitter pill to swallow.

"Very well." Frederick muses, before turning to Stahl and Robin.

"He's got my vote." Robin nods immediately. "I've been training with Ben nearly every day for the past month. His combat skills are still weak, but he's improved a lot. And he has a good head for strategy." Sure do, courtesy of a certain game series back home.

"I approve as well." Stahl shoots me a smile. "You're not as in shape as the rest of us, but you know your limitations and act accordingly. That's more than can be said for some of the Shepherds. Just keep doing what you're doing and we have nothing to worry about."

Stahl's a bro. He really is. Ever since I was put on this probation period he's been the one to spend the most time training with me. We have similar strengths, even if our weapon of choice differs, so I learn a lot sparring with him. I also tend to get paired with him on cooking duty, since he's way better at handling the seasoning than I am and I'm better at prep work. We make a pretty damn good team, if I do say so myself.

Alright, four out of five judges agree, Ben is ready for fieldwork. You'd think that would be it, but everyone here knows Frederick is the one with the final say. All eyes are on him as he holds my fate in his hands.

Please say yes dude, I really can't stay locked up in the barracks anymore. I don't know how Sumia does it!

Frederick barely seems to take notice of the attention on him, giving the others barely more than a flick of his eyes before focusing on me. "Before I give my answer, several questions."

"Shoot."

"What was the intention behind that kick?" He seems to glare at me as he asks, and I can't help but shuffle under his gaze.

"Well, I wasn't really getting a proper opening to act that I could see, so I decided to make one. I didn't expect the kick to hit, since any guy knows to watch their groin in a fight, but I also didn't think Chrom would expect me to take the shot. So I figured throwing a quick kick would catch him off guard and give me a chance to hit him properly."

"You like your mind games don't you?" Robin frowns and shakes his head. I can't help but smirk at that; he's normally pretty cool with that sort of thing. He's probably just not a fan when the mind games involve the family jewels.

"All's fair in love and war, don't get your britches in a twist!" Sully chuckles, nudging Robin with an elbow.

"Be that as it may, regardless of today's result, I expect you to refrain from such attacks on fellow Shepherds in the future." Frederick glares at me.

I look at him levelly. Seriously, I know royalty is expected to carry on the lineage, but it's a bit ridiculous to get so worked up about a harmless kick. Well whatever, I'm not looking to step on any toes. "I'll hold off if it means that much to you."

"Hm. Second question, why did you stand still while Chrom threw an obviously telegraphed attack at you?"

"I was so utterly dumbfounded by the impracticality of the attack that I was overwhelmed by the sheer nonsense in front of me." I grimace. "Seriously, that was just mind-bogglingly stupid."

"True." The corner of Frederick's mouth twitches at that, though he maintains his stern demeanor. The guy has a hell of a poker face. "I'll be having a word with Chrom about that, don't you worry."

"Awesome." I grin again at this. "So I'm assuming you have one more for me? Rule of threes and all that."

"Indeed." Frederick pauses for a moment, seeming to think about how best to word his question. I watch him cautiously, wondering just what he's pondering to make him hesitate like this.

"Why do you want to be a Shepherd?" He finally asks.

I blink at him in surprise. "What?"

"Why do you want to be a Shepherd?" Frederick gives me a look of open curiosity. "I'm sure you know that we would be willing to help you find your way home whether you risked your life for our cause or not. We are not so callous as to abandon you in your time of need. So why do you wish to join the Shepherds, to fight for a country that is not your own?"

"Uhh…" I blink at that. "That's a big question… give me a second here."

"Take your time."

Okay… so what do I say to that? The biggest reason I joined the Shepherds is to ensure that I am on the only available roadmap for what's coming, so that I have a better chance of surviving the wars to come. But I can hardly say as much to the people here. I remain adamant in my decision: I will not let anybody know that I have knowledge of the future. There is no scenario where that ends well for me.

So the truth is out. But this isn't something I feel confident in lying in. So is there another option? Another truth? Well, if I were to pick something… I suppose this is a good time to make use of that philosophy course I took back in university.

"In my homeland, there is something missing from everyone's lives. Something absolutely essential, that only the tiniest percentage of people ever manage to grasp, regardless of social status or what country they're from. Can you guess what that is?"

"Geez, um, is it magic?" Stahl looks caught off guard by the gravity of the question.

"Can't be, in his world magic is mere fantasy. It's missing from their world, but not in a way that would affect people." Robin muses.

"Why fuss about guessing, we don't know enough about his world to get anywhere." Sully shrugs. "Speak up Ben, don't dance around the issue."

"It's purpose." I shrug.

"Purpose?" The others murmur at that.

"Our world has come a lot farther than yours has in a lot of ways, but it fails in one fundamental way. Our society has crafted great works, but in doing so we've stripped away what it means to be human. People are not seen as individuals. Not anymore. They're cogs in a machine. Pieces of a greater whole, which sounds very pretty until you consider the effect that has on a person's identity.

"My world wages war just to invent enemies for us to fight. It tells us to buy things just to fill the gaps in our hearts. We all agree that the world needs to change, but can't agree on how. The old see the young as the problem, the young see the old as the problem. We all hate our politicians but don't want the other side to take control either so we just argue around in circles hoping something will finally give and we have something to fix right now, instead of setting things up for people that won't be born until long after we're dead. The smartest people in our society know what needs to change, but they can't be heard over the fountains of bullshit spewing from everyone's mouths. Nobody wants to sacrifice what they have for the sake of the future, so they fight against change despite knowing it's doing no favors to anyone.

"We have no direction. That's what it boils down to. Nothing to fight for, nothing to achieve, no ideals to strive for save for ones that have no visible payoff. Entire generations of people left with nothing to live for besides… living."

I gesture towards the south. "In my first day here, I saved the lives of five people. That is the most meaningful thing I've ever achieved in my life. By a long shot. Seriously, nothing I've ever done has come close. I'm on the verge of fighting alongside characters from a storybook for the sake of protecting innocent lives. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there's less savory aspects to this deal, I'm not some idealistic twit. But whether you're champions of justice or just a glorified militia, I know the Shepherds are fighting for something. And I want that!"

I stop, panting for breath. That may have been the most I've ever said about my world. Or my general viewpoint on life. It's also definitely the most worked up I've let myself get outside of a fight in years. I'm usually all for keeping my opinion to myself, not ranting about my pessimistic attitude to people.

The others all stare at me blankly, proving my worries to be true. "Was that too honest? I feel like that was too honest." I turn to where the other Shepherds are listening in, and they look just as stunned. "Huh. Yeah, I said too much. Look, just forget all that, I got a bit carried away, and I can be pretty pessimistic at times. I made all that sound way worse than it actually is. Got all worked up because I wanted to get out of the barracks."

"It's a bad reason." Frederick finally says.

I blink and turn to face him. "What?"

"It's a bad reason to join the Shepherds." With the things he's saying I kinda expect him to look sterner, but I'm really not sure what to make of his expression.

Also not sure what to make of what he's saying. "It is? I figured this was the sort of thing people ate up, honestly. Becoming a soldier to save lives and seek out fulfillment in life is what recruitment programs are all about."

"Well, yes." Frederick admits. "You're not wrong in that regard. But there's a critical difference at play here. You wish to find a purpose while you strive for a way home. The two goals do not mix. Should you succeed in finding a purpose here, you will simply be forced to abandon your purpose when you finally go home. And if you go home before finding a purpose then your time in this, a deadly and demanding job, will have all been for nothing."

"Oh." I grimace as his words hit me. What was the most important thing to remember again? Don't get attached. I intended to get out of here before the war with Plegia started, but the sudden obstacle of learning through a language barrier has slowed me down far too much. Fucking hell, only took me a month to start slipping on this shit.

"So, that's it then, I'm out?" I grimace. "If I amend my answer to 'I want to get out of the barracks will that change anything?"

"Not at all." Frederick shakes his head and gives me a smile. "After all, you are already qualified to join."

There's a pregnant pause. Which is abruptly broken when everyone suddenly shouts "HUH?" at the same damn time. In retrospect I will likely look back on this as one of the most anime moments of my life, but for now…

"What the hell? What was the point of all that then?" I protest irritably. "You just fucking with me or something?"

"Not at all." Frederick's smile drops and he looks sternly at me. "I felt it was an important thing to establish. I have had my doubts about why you were doing this ever since the day we met. When Chrom asked you to join the Shepherds you seemed… overwhelmed. I was worried you may have been caught up in the flow of things."

"You could have asked if you were worried. Or trusted that the guy with next to zero combat experience wasn't stupid enough to join a militia in a foreign country _just because he was asked_!"

"Oh, I was sure you had other reasons." Frederick nods, looking satisfied with himself. "And you already know my opinion on them now that I've heard them."

Well fuck, he's got me there. "But you're letting me in anyways."

"It would be cruel of me to ignore your hard work for such a reason." Frederick smiles. "The reason I asked you this is so you could take the time to think about it properly and come to an answer that you may ultimately find fulfilling. You are hardly the only person whose goals for joining The Shepherds are in need of rethinking. That is why I asked you all this in front of an audience. As long as you are a part of the Shepherds, I want you to think about the things you're doing, and why you are doing them."

He turns to the rest of the Shepherds. "This goes for all of you, of course. We are no simple militia. The Shepherds are not an army, we are an ideal. Chrom created this group because he has a dream for our nation. He does not expect all of us to share in his perfect dream, but he desires, as I do, for us all to find a reason to work together. To strive for a better nation as a single unit, and to better ourselves as we do. This will not be an easy path for us, and I know that with the addition of our three newest recruits, none of which are Ylissean, there are some of us who feel tension.

"Most of us have known Chrom all our lives. Most of us are Ylissean citizens, born and raised. But now that Naga has seen fit to bless us with an outsider's perspective, we can broaden our horizons. You all have your own reasons for being here. You all have your own questions that need answering. I can't promise we'll find all the answers, but as long as we keep an open mind and continue to improve upon ourselves, we can become more than we are now. We are Shepherds, watching over the flock that is Ylisse, but we must watch over each other as well! That is what it is to be a team!"

There's a long pause as Frederick finishes his speech. Then Stahl starts clapping, followed shortly by the rest of us. I have to resist the urge to dab my eyes with my shirt sleeves, knowing that I'm absolutely filthy from sparring right now.

"Hell of a speech, man!" I call, trying not to choke up. Sully claps a hand to Frederick's back hard enough to send him staggering half a step forward, then Lissa tackles him in a tearful hug that nearly knocks him over completely. It would seem Frederick's incredible passion is working in his favor this time around, he's usually kinda… off-putting. Right now though, he's getting swarmed by the others, all riding the feel-good vibes lingering after his little monologue.

As everyone cheers and laughs, I catch Vaike's eye across the crowd. He stares at me with an unreadable expression, then scowls and stalks away. I wonder how much of Frederick's speech was intended for his sake? Vaike's probably wondering the same.

A hand claps me on the shoulder, snapping my attention away from the retreating fighter. Robin grins at me, with Virion and Sumia not far behind. "Welcome to the Shepherds, man!"

"Thanks!" I grin over at Virion as he passes me a handkerchief, and use it to wipe the emotion from my eyes and get some of the dirt off my face. "It'll be good to finally get out of the barracks."

"I'll be sorry to see less of you!" Sumia replies with a wistful smile on her face. "You've been a lot of help while the others have been out."

"Eh, knowing my luck I'll get myself injured on our first mission and just end up benched again." I shrug and laugh.

"You made it in then." Chrom walks up beside me, looking troublingly serious. "Just in time, too."

"What's the word?"

"Bandits in the south." Chrom sighs, then gives me a half-smile. "Looks like once again, you get a trial by fire. We leave tomorrow. For now… congratulations." He looks up at Frederick, who is still getting glomped by Lissa. "Do I even want to know?"

"Our boy Frederick seems to have discovered his talent for motivational speaking." I grin. "At the very least, morale won't be an issue for us any time soon."

"That's good to hear." Chrom brightens a little as he takes in the mood of the group. "Well then, I'll spread the word. We set out tomorrow, but for today, let's celebrate the success of your training."

"The growth of the Shepherds." Robin supplies. "It'll match the theme better."

"I like that." Chrom smiles fully. "The Shepherds have grown, and now we set out." 

* * *

"Let me just say, I appreciate everythin yer doin fer us, sir!"

"Donnel, buddy, I am many things, but I am not a sir." I roll my eyes and try to keep the grin off my face.

I've found the lack of game logic working in an unusual way once again. In a world where you can't take a break in the middle of a diplomacy mission to march all the way to southern Ylisse, Paralogue number one seems to take place very early in the timeline. I honestly can't even remember if the mission is available by this point in the game.

The timeline shenanigans have led to a couple of strange things, the biggest being that Maribelle is here as well. She hasn't been called back to Themis for family business yet, and so we tackle this mission with two healers, instead of the usual one I always had when playing it as a game. Of course, since this isn't a game, we also have to deal with the fact that these bandits are rather spread out in their plundering as they ransack the nearby village.

This has led to a splitting of our forces. Chrom is leading the bulk of the Shepherds into the Far Fort to take down the leader of this group. Meanwhile, a smaller group, led by Frederick, is clearing out the gang attacking the town. This group mostly consists of himself, Sully, and Stahl, since their mounts aren't much good in the overgrown, over crowded fortress. With them are myself and Virion as a reserve, and Maribelle as a healer for emergencies. Donnel is with us as well, since a world without game logic has Chrom doing the smart thing and keeping the untrained farm boy away from the front lines of a battle.

This has led to myself watching over the healer and the civilian, while Virion scouts and our knights run rampant over the bandits. It's a little vexing to be stuck in the back after all the work I did to be included in the team, but I'm not so childish that I can't recognize what an important job watching the healer is.

"Really? Aren't you a knight though?" Donnel lifts the pot off his head and scratches at his hair in confusion.

"The Shepherds aren't like that, we're just a bunch of random shmucks that Chrom found and adopted."

"Hmph. Speak for yourself, Benjamin. I am hardly a shmuck, and refuse to accept your labelling me as such." Maribelle sniffs disdainfully at the idea.

"Alright, a bunch of shmucks… and Maribelle, who is a proper lady and is to be referred to as such." I smile over at her. "There now, I've made nice. Now please stop calling me Benjamin."

"I was given the impression that Benjamin was your proper name. You did tell me that was the case."

"It is my name on official documentations, that does not mean that it is my preferred one. I've been asking people to call me Ben since I was like… five."

"I don't rightly see what all the fussin is about. Benjamin seems like a right good name to me. Sounds all proper and fancy-like."

"Precisely!" Maribelle smiles over at Donnel. "You have a fine understanding of the value of proper titles, Donnel."

"Well shucks!"

"How are we faring, my friends?" Virion's appearance makes for a welcome distraction. "No trouble with the enemy, I hope."

"All quiet back here." I nod. "Any word from Chrom's group yet?"

"You forget that this is our base camp." Virion tuts. "If Chrom sends us a message, you will be the first to hear of it. At any rate, the fort these ruffians have made their claim upon is rather well-defended. I fear it may be some time before Chrom has routed them."

"Right." I sigh. "Is the cleanup going well down here at least?"

"All is proceeding without a hitch." Virion smiles. "It would seem good Sir Frederick is suffering from a bout of separation anxiety. The man does so dislike to be separated from his charges. He vents his frustration upon the bandits as we speak."

"Golly." Donnel winces at that. "I sure wouldn't want to get on the bad side of that fellow."

"Probably wise." I nod along. "Still, we should be careful. If Frederick scares them too badly we'll have a lot of runners. They could rush right into us."

"A rather small chance of that, is there not?" Virion looks over at me curiously.

"Yes, but I'm notoriously unlucky." I nod sagely.

"So you continue to tell us, and yet I have yet to see any sign of this." Maribelle scoffs.

"Back home, my friends and family used to say I was cursed." I chuckle. "And this is despite the fact that my world was without magic." Of course, said curse mostly applied to cars, but that's a minor point.

Maribelle and Virion pause to take that in. Donnel shrugs. "Well, shucks, I'm not sure what you mean with all this curse stuff, but if we're worried about people stumbling across us I reckon I can do something to help with that."

"Oh? Do tell, my young friend!" Virion looks over curiously.

Donnel fishes around in his pockets for a moment, then makes a soft 'aha' sound and reaches back to pull a length of twine off his belt. "I've got some twine here for settin' huntin' snares. Reckon I can use this to set a nasty surprise for any bandits what come runnin' our way."

"A fine idea!" Virion nods in satisfaction. "Well then, I shall leave you to it. For the time being I must return to my post. Virion away!" He turns with a flip of his hair, and rushes back into the night.

Donnel smiles over at me. "Don't worry none about that curse, Mister Benjamin. I'll have us a nice trap set up for us in two shakes of a donkey's tail!" He scurries away before I can protest.

"Mister Benjamin?" I groan and turn to Maribelle accusingly. "Look at what you've started."

Maribelle smiles innocently at me. "I'm truly baffled as to why you hold such contempt for your proper title. Benjamin is a fine name."

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. "It's… fine. I'm sure you've gathered as much from how I speak, but my world has a far more… casual attitude towards conversation and titles and whatnot."

"I did notice as much, yes." Maribelle smirks. "You may be the only member of the Shepherds who I haven't seen fuss even once about calling Prince Chrom by name."

"Yeah, see, where I come from that sort of thing is normal. Our culture tends to look at titles and long names as a sign of arrogance. Not that having them is bad, mind you. But insisting on people calling you by a full title is considered poor manners. And names are usually shortened as well for a similar reason. Really, the only time anybody called me Benjamin back home was when they wanted to give me grief for something."

"Oh, I see." Maribelle gives a guilty sigh. "Well I apologize Ben. I failed to consider the impact our cultural differences might have on how you received my words. It was not my intention to offend."

"I know. I'm not offended, not really. It's just a personal issue I try to work around. All the same, I would appreciate it if you just called me Ben from now on."

"Of course." Maribelle smiles fully at me, before pausing and looking into the trees. "My goodness, Donnel's been a while, hasn't he?"

"Yeah, I'm not sure about the exact unit of measurement here, but I figure we have to be up to at least three shakes of a donkey's tail by now." I chuckle. "Maybe we should go check on him?"

"I'd like to… but if we leave this clearing then the others may have difficulty finding us in the event of an emergency." Maribelle frowns and looks off into the darkness.

"And if we split up there will be nobody to protect you if the bandits do find us." I sigh, running my hands through my hair in exasperation. "No choice but to wait for him then. Damn, should have stopped him from running off."

"There is little good in ruminating on 'what-ifs'." Maribelle chides. "I'm sure Donnel will be perfectly alright."

"Right."

I try to take her words to heart, but as the minutes drag on I become increasingly agitated. Tell me I didn't just get one of the strongest Shepherds killed before he can even try to reach his full potential!

"I must confess, this is growing rather troubling." Maribelle sighs. "Perhaps you should go check on him? I'm sure I can handle myself if only for a moment or two."

"Not yet." I look around anxiously. Our 'camp' is little more than a small clearing in the woods nearby the village, with the hope being that the thick underbrush will be enough to cover the few markings we have to alert the others. We have no fire, for obvious reasons, but there's enough moonlight streaming through the trees for us to see a little. Still, there's plenty of room for people to sneak up on us.

I think on things for just a moment longer. "Maribelle, untie your horse and head for Virion. Something's wrong here."

"I wouldn't be doing that if I were you."

I have my axe up in a second, drawing Maribelle behind me as I turn to face the source of the voice.

"Ah, ah, ah, wouldn't be doing that either." I grimace as two bandits emerge from the undergrowth.

Now, the month of training has done well for me for the most part. I'm hardly on par with a trained soldier yet, but I've been taking lessons from the best Ylisse has to offer. So under normal circumstances the two bandits wouldn't be much of a challenge for me. The one on the right has a visible lance wound on his leg, meaning the fight could be turned into a one on one situation without too much difficulty.

But in this case, I can't even entertain the thought, since the two of them have an unconscious Donnel dangling limply between them. The bandit on the left is holding him up while the one on the right holds his axe to the kid's neck.

"You'll be dropping that weapon now, pal." The one on the right snarls, pressing the axe closer against Donnel's throat. "Unless you want the kid's blood on your hands."

My mouth starts moving before I even realise what I'm saying. "Well that doesn't make much sense, my hands aren't anywhere near his neck. If you cut him open his blood will just get all over you."

"Ben!" Maribelle hisses fearfully. "What are you doing?"

The two bandits turn to each other in confusion, before looking back at me. "You stupid or something?"

"If I was stupid, I'd have dropped my weapon." I shrug, lowering my axe as I do so. "See, I'm just going to compromise here. You and I know full well that if I put my axe down there's going to be a lot of death around here in a hurry."

"I wasn't asking for a compromise here!" The one on the right snarls. "Drop the weapon!"

"Oh shut up Rodney." The other one sighs. "He's already said he knows we'll kill him. We ain't convincing him."

"I can be convinced to compromise." I reply. "See how I'm not brandishing an axe right now? Hell, I'm sure I can be convinced of a great many things as long as it involves as little death as possible. Get my drift here? Because if you hurt that kid I have no reason not to take your limbs off."

"And if we let the kid go we have no guarantee we walk out of here alive." The calmer bandit replies. His eyes dart around the clearing, before flicking back to me. "That horse. Let us take the horse and the kid lives."

"Absolutely not!" Maribelle gasps in outrage. "The very thought of a troglodyte such as yourself putting your filthy hands on my horse is-"

"Infinitely preferable to the thought of them killing a kid in front of us Maribelle." I reply loudly, cutting her off. She flinches at this, likely having only protested out of reflex and nods in assent. I keep my eyes on the bandits and pat her arm comfortingly before continuing. "Hell, they can hardly fit three people on the horse anyways, so if they take it we're guaranteed to get Donnel out of here safely."

"And cooler heads prevail." The calm bandit nods in satisfaction. "You have a deal."

"But-"

"We have a deal now, Rodney. Shut up." He jostles Rodney with an elbow, and the two start circling the clearing towards Maribelle's horse, giving us a wide berth. They inch along slowly, so as to not antagonize me, and I feel a sense of relief wash over me at the thought that I might salvage this situation.

"Ben…" Maribelle looks over my shoulder fearfully. "There's a problem."

"Maribelle, we'll get you a new horse, just drop it."

"My horse is specially trained Ben, it won't accept another rider." I grimace at that. If they can't take the horse and get out of here there's no telling what these two will do.

"That's alright."

I look back up to the calm bandit, who's stopped on the opposite side of the clearing from us. He drops Donnel unceremoniously on the ground and draws a sword, smiling coolly at me. "I didn't actually want the horse anyways. We'll take the girl though, she'll fetch a pretty penny, even after we're done with her."

Normally a comment like this would be the sort of thing that gets my blood boiling. But something about his smile makes my blood run cold. He's too confident. Why is he suddenly changing his tone like this? Unless…

He's achieved what he needed to just by drawing my attention in this direction.

I've hardly looked away from these two once since they showed up.

"Damn!" I whirl around, grabbing Maribelle and throwing her to the side, bringing my axe up with a free hand. I'm expecting another bandit to jump me.

Instead, an arrow hits me in the shoulder and nearly knocks me off my feet. The archer who fired it sits far back amongst the trees, only visible to me because of the brief glance I saw of where the arrow came from. As I recover my footing I hear footsteps rush towards me. Looks like Rodney and the calm bandit are coming at me now that my back's turned.

Oh man, I'm totally fucked here. They played me like a fucking fiddle. I feel the sudden clawing of despair in my mind. I should have known that guy was too calm not to have something planned. And now he's going to kill me, probably kill Donnel, kidnap Maribelle, and have his way with her.

Ah, rage filled adrenaline, there you are. Nothing like a rapist to make me want to hack a man into ground beef. I snarl as I grip my axe. These _FUCKERS_ better hope they kill me fast.

"VIRIOOOON!" I bellow at the top of my lungs, spinning around and swinging my axe with all my strength. The calm man sees me and dodges back out of reach, but Rodney is either too stupid or too injured to stop his momentum.

My axe hits him just above the ear, splitting his head like a melon and nearly popping his eye out. I see his working eye blink in bewilderment for a brief instant before the force of my swing sends him tumbling.

The calm man lets out a low whistle. "Not bad. That's a good axe you have there." He approaches slowly, likely to give his archer friend time to reload. "I might have to take that when we're done here."

I decide it's not in my best interest to let him stall any longer, and rush forward with a snarl. The man grimaces, immediately on the defensive. Looks like dodging our cavalry might have worn him down a bit. For all that his attitude favors him, the guy doesn't seem to be any tougher than the average untrained thug.

The problem here is definitely that fucking archer. As I think this, I hear the telltale twang of a bow and duck low, letting another arrow fly over my head.

"Shit." The calm man winces, clearly having been hopeful that the second arrow would finish me off. He capitalizes on my ducking by catching me on the bicep with his blade drawing a small line of blood. I'm suddenly irrationally thankful that I decided not to wear my clothes from home to battle, because this shirt is going to be ruined.

I get a hit on his leg, but the pain in my shoulder throws off my swing, so I only manage to hit him with the flat of the blade. It's enough to make him stagger, but I was hoping to take his foot off. He gasps in pain, jumping back from my clumsy follow-up swing and limps backwards. I take two steps after him when the third arrow hits me in the lower back.

"ARGH, FUCK!" I collapse to my knees. "You shit fucking taint sucker!"

"Wow… rude." The calm man pants. "Think I'll kill you for those hurtful words."

"Don't you dare!" I look up in surprise just in time to see Maribelle swing the tip of her parasol into the man's eye.

"AH!" He staggers back in shock, clutching at his face. His other arm lashes out blindly, catching Maribelle across the chest with his sword.

Her scream is hauntingly short.

"NO!" I roar in horror, trying to get to my feet. The problem with back injuries though, is that they are horribly debilitating. A strained muscle is enough to make walking torturous, so an arrow is easily enough to render me incapable of moving for the moment.

"Ah, damn it!" The man spits as he realizes what he's done. "Shouldn't have done that." He turns back to me, though I can barely be bothered to look in his direction in favor of searching for some sign that Maribelle's alive. I think her chest is moving? So she might be breathing, or it might just be the pain blurring my vision.

"I'll see you die slowly for that, asshole." The man's sword in my face brings my attention back to him, and I note with some satisfaction that his eye is swollen shut and bleeding. Maribelle gave as good as she got. Won't be enough to stop this guy bringing this sword through my neck though.

Well, no way the universe is going to fuck this one up. I'm definitely going to die this time. The man's sword comes up above me, as if to prove my point.

He's about to bring the sword down when I hear movement behind me, and he looks up in shock. "Aw come on."

A figure flies over my head and clashes swords with the calm man, sending him staggering back. I blink in surprise, trying to figure out who it could be.

"DON'T YOU TOUCH HIM!" I wince at the shrill voice that comes from the newcomer. Well, whoever this is, that's definitely a woman's voice. I manage to straighten up enough to take a proper look, and my jaw drops.

Well this isn't right at all, but there's little doubt in my mind.

"Severa?" I feel like I have to be mistaken here, but the way her back stiffens as I say the name is rather telling. Her hair is also the same bright shade as Cordelia's from the game. And the voice sounded similar.

Wasn't she supposed to show up _two years_ from now?

Well, she's early. No mistaking that. Unfortunately, she's not in much better shape than me. Judging from the direction she came from I can only assume she just dealt with that archer, but it looks like he got a lucky shot before dying. I can see the shaft of an arrow sticking out of her hip. The fact that she's fighting like that at all is crazy to me, but the calm man is acting… decidedly less calm now. He's using his superior weight and her limited mobility to his advantage, battering at her relentlessly with heavy blows.

Severa is giving as good as she gets, but that hip injury is screwing up her footwork badly. Her blows don't have enough strength behind them to do more than superficial damage, and she can't guard properly either. I try to move again to help, but the pain in my back nearly causes me to black out, and I have to stop. Nothing I can do but sit and wait while a teenaged girl does the fighting. My manly man machismo is suffering dearly on this one.

Luckily enough Severa isn't the only one in this fight. She's aware of it before I am, lashing out to drive the calm man backwards several steps, then taking as big of a leap back as she can. Both the calm man and I pause in confusion at the weird move. And that's when Donnel swings a solid tree branch into the bastard's head so hard it snaps in half.

He hits the ground senselessly, and Severa immediately capitalizes on the opportunity by cutting his head off. "Gods, that was annoying! Couldn't you have done that sooner?" She snaps at Donnel loudly as she wipes her sword on the dead bandit's pants.

"Well gosh, I'm sorry!" Donnel staggers as he looks back. "I wish I could have helped more, but I was unconscious until just a moment ago…" He trails off and looks down at the headless bandit. "Golly…" He mutters softly. Then he rushes to the bushes to throw up.

Virion chooses that moment to arrive, bursting into the clearing and looking around in shock. I can tell at a glance that he's been in a fight or three himself; he's covered from head to toe in dirt and nursing a wound in his side. The dagger in his hand is dropped in astonishment, and he looks to me in horror. "Mercy me! Ben, what has happened to you?"

"Forget me." I gasp out. "Maribelle. Help Maribelle!"

"Mon dieu." He whispers as he spots the still form of Maribelle across the clearing. He's at her side in an instant, pulling a blue crystal bottle from his belt. "Ah, a blessing! The wound has avoided her vitals! Then this shall suffice" He lets the contents of the bottle drip down onto the wound, then raises it to her lips, forcing a small amount more down her throat.

"An elixir." Virion explains at my questioning look. "It is a mixture of healing herbs and divine magic. Most potions are simply invigorating, but this one is a true marvel. They are a treasured creation from my home country. Remarkably effective, too. Look, she stirs!"

"Thank goodness." Severa mutters under her breath.

"Well darned if that isn't the best news I've heard all night." Donnel groans weakly from the bushes. "I don't suppose we can use that elixir stuff to fix up those arrow wounds what Ben and… erm?"

"It's… Severa." Severa gives me a brief glance as she speaks. Debating using a pseudonym like Marth, perhaps? I'm glad she didn't. I'm terrible with names, so if I had to remember a fake one for her I'd be sure to fuck it up. Maybe my future self told her that.

"Ah, how careless of me!" Virion raises a hand to his head in shock. "So shocked was I by the state of my companions that I failed to notice yet another fair maiden in distress has joined us!"

"Oh please, spare me." Severa grimaces, hobbling her way over to me. "Your friend Ben here is in worse shape than I am, so let's get these arrows out so you can put that elixir to good use."

"Ah, my dear, perhaps you should wait for one moment."

"Severa, please don't do what I think you're about to-"

"There!" She grabs the shaft of the arrow in my back and yanks it out in one swift motion.

"Oh my." Virion cringes at the sight.

"A-ahhhhh… fuck." I whimper.

Severa looks at the arrow and blinks as her actions seemingly catch up with her. "Uhh… whoops?"

My vision darkens as my eyes roll back in my head.

"Ben, my friend, hold on now, I'm coming with the…"

I black out.

* * *

 **Yeah, so we're now past the part where I stretch things and jumping right into the part where I break them. Sure didn't take me long to get bored with the whole 'novelisation' thing, huh? Yeah, I keep coming up with fun ways to just tie the story in knots as I brainstorm, so expect more curveballs where this one comes from.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Back again! Many thanks to my boss for giving me a nice big vacation right after Christmas.**

* * *

I wake up with a groan and see Maribelle leaving over me with her parasol, being propped up by Sully.

"Welcome back to the world of the living." Sully grins down at me. "Those punks did a number on you, huh?"

"Yeaaaah." I grimace as I sit up, feeling the stiffness in my back with every movement. "Think I need some chainmail or something. Next time I get jumped by an archer I'd rather they not walk all over me. You alright, Maribelle?"

"Thanks to your efforts." She smiles shakily down at me. "Were it not for you I shudder to think what those curs might have done."

"You saved me back. If you hadn't taken that bastard's eye out when you did we'd all be dead. Hell it was a team effort. Without Donnel and Severa we'd be dead, too."

"Oh right." Sully looks over my shoulder with a smirk. "Speaking of the new girl, I guess her bedside manner could use some work?"

"You could say that." I cringe and stretch out my back further, sighing in relief when it finally gives a satisfying pop. "Oh, that did it. Hell of a job Maribelle, the pain's practically gone."

"Reserve your gratitude, Ben. It was Virion's Elixir that did most of the work." Maribelle glances down at her ruined blouse and grimaces. My gaze follows hers for a moment, then quickly does the opposite of that as she continues. "A lucky thing indeed. Were it not for that, I would likely not be alive."

"Yeah." I frown at the thought, while shrugging my vest off. "By the way, you should probably take this. That cut is rather… inappropriately placed." It's a testament to the standards of modesty in these times that this gets me flustered now. Back home the amount of skin she's showing would be worth little more than a quick glance and a mental shrug, but around here it's downright scandalous. Guess I'm just not used to seeing a girl's cleavage anymore.

"Yer looking redder than my hair there, Ben." Sully teases.

"Sully, I'm trying to be a gentleman about this, stop undermining me." I moan, holding the vest up for Maribelle to take.

"Ah, yes…" Maribelle flushes red as she takes in her damaged clothing once more. "Well thank you Ben, it is far from my normal standards, but this will do for now."

"Alright, now go on and save the new girl while Maribelle makes herself decent again." Sully shoos me away with a grin, though something in her eye warns me that there will be dire consequences if I fail to acquiesce.

I turn away from them and take in the rest of the clearing and can't help but chuckle. It looks as though Severa's stunt with the arrow is earning her a rather stern lecture, from both Frederick and Virion. She's taking it about as well as I can expect, which is to say, she's protesting and arguing over them so loudly that all three of them are completely incomprehensible. Stahl and Donnel watch this all in complete bewilderment, looking like they want to intervene but not sure how.

Stahl catches my eye as I walk up and gestures to them frantically. I stare flatly at him. He raises his arms as if telling me to go do something about it. I give him a look that tells him clearly that I am not willing to do that. Donnel stares helplessly up at me as well, eyes wide. I sigh and roll my eyes, then walk up to them and throw an arm over each of them. "You're on crutch duty. I'll do the talking." You sissies.

"How's everybody doing over here?" I walk up into the middle of the argument, ignoring the frantic looks Donnel is giving me.

Leaning on the others does the trick, causing concern to override their anger. "Ah, Ben, you are still in pain?" Virion looks me over in concern.

"A little bit, but Maribelle says I'll be alright. I'm mostly just stiff. A shot to the back will do that to a guy." I give the three of them an accusing look. "So what's this, what's going on here?"

"I didn't mean to make you pass out, okay?" Severa suddenly yells, looking panicked. "I was just trying to help."

"And if you had waited as I asked of you, we could have helped Ben without causing him unnecessary pain." Virion frowns.

"I honestly don't see how unless those elixirs have a painkilling effect." I shrug. Virion gives me a pointed look. "Oh… Well damn."

"Oh come on, it was a stressful situation! I had an arrow in my side! I just got done saving everyone from dying, which I didn't get any thanks for, by the way!"

"To be fair, the only person who was conscious to see how much you saved our asses was me." I grin. "By the way, thanks for saving our asses!"

"Yes, I have been wondering exactly what happened here." Frederick looks back to me.

"It's all my fault!" Donnel replies ashamedly. "I went to set some traps between us and the village so them bandits couldn't get the jump on us, but they were already sneakin' up on us. They knocked me right out and used me as a hostage."

"Which translates roughly into this all being my fault." I reply. "I let him run off without anybody to protect him, giving the bandits an easy opportunity. Then I let them bait me into a pincer attack and put Maribelle's life in danger, got myself shot in the back and would have been executed if Severa didn't intervene, first by killing the archer, then stopping the last guy from killing me, until Donnel could knock him out."

"I see." Frederick looks over to the beheaded man. "So you're saying he was already incapacitated when that happened."

"Uhh… yeah, I guess I am." I share an uneasy look with Severa. "I suppose Chrom is the sort of guy who would look poorly on killing somebody who can't fight back."

"He does not appreciate such things no, but he will not fault you for such a thing under the circumstances. These were clearly extreme circumstances." He nods to Severa. "It would seem the Shepherds owe you a debt of gratitude."

"It… it wasn't much." She mutters, blushing brightly.

"Nah, she's being modest. We'd all be dead if not for her." I reach over and tousle her hair. "The kid's a natural swordfighter, she held that bandit off even with an arrow sticking out of her hip. That's no small feat."

If Frederick's comment has her blushing, my remark has her strangely quiet. She drinks in the attention like a dehydrated man drinks water. I can't help but raise an eyebrow at the reaction. After the way Lucina reacted to me I really would have thought the other kids had a serious issue with me as well. But Severa certainly seems fond enough, if her reaction to my imminent death is anything to go by.

Just who was I to these kids?

Severa seems to notice how my attention has shifted, and she brushes my hand aside. Her mouth moves, and while I'm not much of a lip-reader, the message is easy to interpret.

' _Later'_

Fair enough, I suppose. I've already given away that I know things about her, given how I used her name before she gave it, so there's some explanations in order on both sides.

For the time being, I put all that aside and turn back towards Frederick. "So, did you guys finish up over there, or did you just hear me yelling and come running?"

"We were actually done when you called." Stahl responds. "The problem is, since we set up in the forest we couldn't get to you without taking the long way around. Virion made it first since he can just run through the trees."

"If I were only not waylaid by two more stray brigands!" Virion sighs dramatically. "The first was little issue, but the second, well I am a man of many talents, but a dagger is a poor match against a sword. It took me some time to win that bout." He brandishes the dagger in question with a flourish, and I note the way Frederick's eyebrow raises at the sight of it. Guess this is the same dagger he got for fucking that Ylissean noble.

"You did what you could, man." I nod to him. "It's not your fault."

"It's not your fault either, Mister Benjamin!" Donnel cries eagerly. "I may not have been awake until after you got all pumped full o' arrows, but I reckon you did the best you could!"

"Quite right." Maribelle adds, finally rejoining us with my vest firmly fastened over her blouse. She manages to look quite dignified even if it's too big for her. "You were truly a sight to behold while protecting me. The way you fought even as you were filled with arrows was inspiring."

"You're exaggerating." I can't help but grin. "It was only two arrows."

"Well, even so." Maribelle blushes.

"Yeah, you did alright big guy." Sully grins at me. "Three on one is tough odds no matter how trained you are. Don't stress too much about it."

"I appreciate it." I nod to her. "Truly."

"Don't go all soft on me now, we're trying to toughen you up, remember?" We all share a laugh at that.

"Well, as much as I'd like to appreciate the danger we so narrowly avoided, I believe it is past time we checked on the others." Frederick nods. "Maribelle, we'll have you ride along with Sully until Lissa can check you over, just to ensure there's no complications with your injury. Donnel, Ben, Virion, I'll have to ask you to hike. I'd offer you a mount as well Ben, but given your allergies I'm not sure you'd appreciate that."

"Yeah, I don't feel like risking it." I nod, walking over to retrieve my axe. It's still bloody from cracking Rodney's head open, so I wipe it on the calm man's trousers, and note he has a heavy coin purse on his belt. I find a lot of gold coins and some assorted jewelry. The coins go in my bag. The rest I set aside to show Donnel. Hopefully he'll be able to help me find who in his village owned these.

* * *

Things proceed quickly from there, with the Far Fort being almost completely cleared by the time we arrive. Chrom and Vaike are finishing off the last of the bandits as we show up, while Robin organizes the equipment we retrieved from them. Some of the Shepherds seem upset by the idea of using weapons from a bunch of murderers, but Robin and I manage to convince the others of the practicality behind it.

Chrom and Donnel manage to organize things with the village head to help everyone get their valuables back, including the ones I picked up, though with all the killing those bandit fuckers did and the trail of destruction they left between the village and the border there's a lot of unclaimed goods and excess gold.

"Emm has a fund set up for helping these people rebuild." Lissa explains to me, "So we usually put all the unclaimed stuff towards that, unless there's some other natural disaster that needs a lot of funding."

From there things go rather predictably, at least from my point of view. Chrom hears about the absolute fuster cluck that happened at our camp, and allows Donnel into the Shepherds after hearing how he stepped in and knocked that bandit out. Which makes me feel kinda ridiculous after all the shit I went through to get in.

Severa gets an invitation as well, of course. She deliberates on things for nearly ten minutes before finally accepting. From the look in her eyes and the furtive glances she keeps sending me, I get the impression she's doing something she's not supposed to. She still doesn't seem to want to talk about it though, so I have to make do without answers for now.

And it continues like that for the next four days as we march home. Severa, being a new Shepherd and a capable swordfighter, is swamped with attention the whole way.

Another interesting thing I notice on the walk home is Chrom, whose mood seems to grow worse with every passing day. The guy is pretty intimidating when pissed, so I ask Frederick about it instead, and he is every bit as grim as he explains it. These bandits, much like the ones from Southtown, were Plegians.

"I believe we will have to renew our efforts to contact Regna Ferox when we return to the capital." He informs me grimly. "Our past two envoys have vanished."

"Do we suspect foul play?"

"Impossible to say with such limited information. They could have been beset by wild animals, bandits, or Risen. They could just as easily have been sabotaged by Plegia. And while I shudder to consider the option, they could just as easily have been met with hostility by the Feroxi border guard."

"That's a lot of options." I grimace. Plegians seem the most likely culprit, since I know they've been harassing the border disguised as Ylisseans, but it could be that the Feroxi are already distrustful enough that they killed the messengers.

"Yes, well the last envoy had a guard, so at the very least animals seem an unlikely option." Frederick shakes his head. "Either way, the possibility of fighting a war on two fronts is daunting enough that Chrom is feeling pressured."

"What's our next move then?"

"A larger guard will be sent with the next envoy, along with scouts to observe and report to Ylisstol should things go poorly. If that fails, I imagine Chrom will insist upon meeting with Regna Ferox himself."

"I'm surprised he hasn't already, if things are that bad."

"To send the Shepherds out of the country at the first sign of danger is a sign of weakness, and desperation. As much as Chrom may wish to handle these matters himself, he knows the country cannot afford for two of the royal family to leave in such turbulent times. The dead walk our lands, and bandits slink across the border by the dozens. We must choose our battles carefully."

The last day of travel provides plenty of evidence for this. Stahl finds a farm burned to the ground while scouting. There are no signs of survivors, and a handful of Risen still prowling, which Frederick mows down in a vengeful wrath.

From what I hear later on, the night we return Chrom all but demands to be sent to Regna Ferox. His sister denies him, feeling that diplomacy is not his strong suit. It's nonsense of course, at least in this case. Chrom's attitude fits right in with that of the Feroxi, but there's no way for me to know this, so I'm forced to keep silent on the matter once again.

So, for the time being, we return to a life of training and waiting. Chrom organizes several patrols for Risen, but he still prefers to travel by horse for day trips, and so I'm forced to remain at the barracks with the other members who can't ride, a group which has now grown to include Severa and Donnel.

It's a full week before Severa finally decides the time is right to speak with me.

I'm in my room when the moment finally comes, reading a book Sumia recommended by candlelight. Wyvern Wars: Terror at High Noon has so far proven to be a surprisingly engaging read for such a terrible title, and I'm finding myself caught up in the final climax between Lord Drake and his archrival the mysterious Duke of Shadows, when I'm interrupted by a knock on the door.

For a brief moment I'm tempted to just stay silent and hope they go away, but the next knock is accompanied by a voice. "It's me."

Well so much for that. "Come in." I snap my book shut and sit up in bed as Severa enters, checking the hallway carefully before closing the door behind her. "I expected you sooner."

"Not my fault. Sumia's been fussing over me for days." She frowns a bit, but looks more uncomfortable with the attention than really unhappy with it. "This is the first chance I've had to slip away."

"Huh, hadn't noticed. Glad you're fitting in alright."

Severa raises an eyebrow as she takes the empty chair. "Are you? I thought you might have a problem with me being here."

"Why would I? If you're joining the Shepherds, it's good that you're fitting in well with them."

"Even if I'm not supposed to be here?"

"Even then." I grin at her. "Though if you weren't supposed to be here I imagine Chrom wouldn't have invited you. He does have the final say in these things, after all."

"You know what I mean." She scowls. "I know you know about me."

"I know some things." I concede. "Cordelia's kid from the future, sent by Naga to stop the apocalypse."

"Cordelia's… right." She nods thoughtfully. "You did tell me you wouldn't know who my father is."

"Yeah, I'm in the dark on a lot of the parentage, besides Lucina and Cynthia. Mostly I just know the moms. My knowledge is really spotty on stuff like that."

"Yeah, I've heard." She rolls her eyes.

"So that's it then? My future self just told you… everything?"

"No." She glares at me. "It varied depending on the person. And you never told anybody a thing about how you knew what you knew."

"Makes sense, I guess." I look up to the ceiling and frown thoughtfully. "So… I think the first thing I should ask is… who was I to you people?"

"Who were you?" She blinks widely. "What kind of question is that?"

"Lucina hates me. Or at least I think she does. She all but told Chrom not to trust me when she got here, before running off into the night. So I thought I did something to get on everyone's shit list in the future. But you clearly don't hate me."

"I could be acting." She scowls.

"Nah, you wear your heart on your sleeve. You like to act all grouchy, but you're pretty easy to read."

"What? No I'm not!"

"You're blushing."

"Shut up!" She groans and buries her face in her hands as I laugh. "For crying out loud, I was really hoping this was just a future thing with you!"

"So I teased you like this when I knew you in the future, huh?" I grin.

"Constantly." She mutters. "You drove me crazy." She takes a deep breath before continuing. "You were… one of the last."

"I… what?" I blink in confusion. "The last… you don't mean?"

"The last of the first generation of Shepherds." Severa gives a small nod. "There were… a lot of deaths in our timeline. The first was Gaius, during the first war in Plegia, and from there…" Another deep breath. "Two more Shepherds died during that war, then another seven in Valm. Another five during the second war in Plegia, including Chrom and Robin. Those two died, and Grima returned. Half the Shepherds were dead, including our two leaders, and from there… it was only a matter of time."

"Are you alright talking about this?" I look on in concern as she talks with clinical detachment.

"It's fine." She snaps back, before her face goes blank again and she continues. "One by one, we had to watch as our parents died, defending people from the Risen as they swept through the land. More and more of us were left without parents, and…" She smiles weakly up at me. "You picked up the slack."

"I… wow." I blink stupidly at that. "So I was like… your new dad?"

"Uncle." She grins a bit, eyes watering. "You always told everyone to call you 'Uncle Ben', because the best hero in your world had an Uncle Ben, and you wanted us to save the world."

"Spiderman." I can't help but chuckle at that. "His Uncle Ben died though."

Severa's mouth makes a little 'O' at that. "You never mentioned that part."

"That would have been pretty tactless of me." I shrug, before the irony sets in. "Oh wait, shit."

She snorts out a laugh at that, before her face falls. "So, that's how it happened. We… kept on running and hiding from Grima's forces, Lucina started to step up as a leader as she got older, got all bossy. Even then, people kept on dying, until there was only you and Lissa left. And then… Lissa died protecting us as we escaped."

"Shit." I grimace, before noting her rather obvious omission. "And what about me?"

"I don't… know." She mutters.

"Severa, if you're hiding something on my account-"

"I'm serious." She looks up at me angrily. "As far as I know, nobody knows what happened to you. We never heard about you dying, we never saw what happened to you, but… you disappeared. Several months before we planned to leave you vanished without a trace, and nobody could find you."

"Does… that have anything to do with why Lucina acts the way she does?"

"Probably didn't help. She always got mad at you for not telling her anything, though." Severa shrugs, but her eyes seem to light up a bit at the topic. "You always had secrets to share with everyone, but Lucina never got to hear any of them. You made us swear not to tell her. And you only ever told her to do what she thought was best."

"You seem pleased with that." I can't help but point out, looking on at her more cheerful demeanor curiously.

She flinches at that, hunching over defensively. "Well, you know, Lucina was always special. So having something that she couldn't was… it felt fair. She never saw it like that, but I liked it. Only a little bit!" She shouts defensively.

"I guess… I didn't think she needed it?" I muse. "Lucina definitely does some things that don't make much sense to me, but I also know she has a lot of positive effects on the future. If I told her anything it'd affect her actions, and there's no telling what would happen."

There's a pause as she takes that in. Then she glares up at me furiously, "So what, am I just a charity case then?"

"Are you-? What? Huh?"

"What are you, stupid? I just told you what I thought of your advice, and now you're just saying 'oh Lucina was so special she didn't need it!' How is that supposed to make me feel?"

I grimace at this. "Okay, you're right, that was tactless of me. I'm sorry." It's certainly true that Lucina is the only future kid who has any relevance to the plot, but I can't go telling Severa this. The kid already has some serious self-worth problems, and I don't want to be responsible for worsening them. And since I apparently raised… all of the kids… everything I say is going to matter to them.

Christ sake I hope they aren't all as crazy as they were in the games. I don't want to be responsible for all that. I really don't. Severa seems about the same as she was in game, as does Lucina (other than how bitter she is towards me), so if that pattern continues they'll all be the same characters I know. Should I consider that a sign that the way they act is a fixed result, nature triumphing over nurture? Or did I just decide to keep them the same and somehow raise them into their lunatic selves.

Speaking of keeping things the same though…

"So, what are the other kids going to think of you joining the Shepherds?" I look up from my musings and see Severa stiffen at the question. "Ooh, that bad, huh?"

"Okay, so I might have broken some rules by coming here. But it's fine, I'll handle it!" Severa winces and waves a hand dismissively at the same time. Not convincing.

"Yeah, not that I'm not grateful that you showed up when you did that night, but I'm quite sure you're already screwing with the timeline just by being here… come to think of it, I wonder what was supposed to happen in the original timeline. Was Maribelle or Donnel supposed to? No, but you said Gaius was the first Shepherd who died, and the war with Plegia hadn't started yet. So how did we all survive that in the first time… line…?" I've noticed by this point that Severa is fidgeting uncomfortably. "What did you do?"

"What?"

"You're acting weird. What happened?"

"Nothing, gawds!"

"Severa…"

"Why are you being like this? I save your life and this is the thanks I get? Real nice, thanks!"

I raise an eyebrow and keep staring at her. She starts to turn beet red as I stare her down, before finally twitching and mumbling something under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Mummrghphle" Okay, that was a little louder, but nowhere near comprehensible.

"Try again."

"Ugh! I said, I'm pretty sure the reason those two thugs ran into Virion." She suddenly throws her hands up in the air irritably. "I scared two guys off in the village, and then I heard you yell a bit later. They're probably the ones Virion had to deal with."

"Meaning Virion would have saved us if you hadn't been there." I let out a long sigh at that, causing Severa to look away in shame. "Severa, are you sure I raised you? Because I feel like there's no way I wouldn't have warned you about the dangers of fucking with timelines like that. I'm no metaphysicist, but I've read through enough time travel stories and theory to have a pretty decent understanding of the matter. Well, as much as anyone can about a theoretical field of study with no real basis in science."

"You warned me." She says softly, still looking away from me. "You told me all the effects I could have. But there's something I have to do no matter what. Something that only I can do."

"Which is?" I look over to her curiously. This is the first I've heard of Severa having some sort of secret mission.

"Not telling." She scowls at me. "It's something only I can do, and only I can know."

"If it's that important, then I'm sure I can help."

"No!" She snaps. "It's… it's personal."

Huh. The only thing that comes to mind is something to do with her parents. She probably doesn't want them to die. Did future me's time travel warnings scare her that badly? What kind of stuff did I warn her about?

"Okay, well full disclosure, I'm not sure what you've been told, but I'm still going to try to fuck with things here." I shrug. "If things go the way I think they're supposed to, it should all work out in the end, but there's definitely some things that don't go as well as they should. I'd like to fix up a few odds and ends here and there. It'll be hard, but…"

Severa snorts at that. "Yeah, you figured that. Future you, that is." She frowns thoughtfully. "You had some advice that I was supposed to give you… ugh that came out weird. He did, I mean. Future you."

"Right, let's hear it." I sit up, interested.

"Don't." She shrugs. "He basically said you'd have to be crazy to do it."

I frown at that. "No, that's not right. There's no way he'd think that would stop me. Was that really what he said? His exact words?"

"Ugh, no but how am I supposed to-"

"Severa, please, exact words. This could be seriously important."

"Time travel is the practise of the mad. Even those who can read between the lines should hesitate to attempt it. Nothing can be seen to change if we are to reach the true ending." She says without hesitating.

I stare blankly at her. She rolls her eyes, "Alright, fine, he made me memorize it. Stop looking at me like that!"

"I'm pretty sure there's some important information there. Can you repeat it one more time?"

She does, and I nod along as I hear a few key words jump out at me. "Yup, thought so?"

"Wait, thought what?"

"It's a code." I grin and rise off the bed. "A code only I'd understand. A reference to a story from my homeland."

"Seriously?" She leans in curiously. "What's it mean?"

"Can't say. The organization might be listening. El. Psy. Kongroo." I can't help but giggle internally. Stein's Gate. My favorite anime. Even years in a world without such things can't kill my love for a good story.

"Huh." She sits back and stares into space. "That's exactly what he said you'd say."

I stop and look back at her. "I did? I mean, he did?"

"Yup." She leans back and stares levelly at me. "And he wanted me to tell you one last thing if you did understand."

"Oh?" I lean in eagerly. "More secret knowledge? Lay it on me."

Her expression is grim as she says the last message.

"His path was bathed in blood."

I blink dumbly at her. She stares back at me, deadly serious.

"Yeah. I'm sure you got a lot on your mind, so I'm going to leave you to it. Just… be careful, alright? I don't know what you did to yourself in the last timeline, but I don't want to see it happen again." Severa says the last part quickly, and leaves my room, closing the door quietly.

I blink after her and sit down on the bed.

It's a good message, really. My future self was making anime references, and I got so caught up in the giddiness of it all that I forgot the reality of things for a minute. Maybe I can try and change the future, but I don't have a reliable way to go back and fix mistakes. There's one set timeline here, and I can't undo any actions I take. Okabe Rintaro suffered for his future, over and over again.

'His path was bathed in blood.' Some his, some the blood of those he loved.

What will I lose if I try to fix things?

Whose blood will be on my hands?

I don't sleep that night, too disturbed by the possibilities to find peace.

* * *

 **I'm sure any real metaphysicists in the audience are laughing their asses off at my supposed 'knowledge'. To which I say: spend less time reading fanfiction and more time unlocking the impossibly vast secrets of the universe and maybe I'll have something concrete to write about!**

 **On the off chance that there really is a metaphysicist around: please know this is all in jest.**

 **Anyways, since I'm still on vacation for a while, there's a chance I might get another chapter up in the next week or so, but I'm not really one for set schedules, so I'll make no guarantees. That said, feedback does wonders for my motivation.**

 **Make of that what you will!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Welp, didn't quite finish before my vacation ended, but it was pretty close! Have a chapter thingy, readers!**

* * *

"You look terrible." Robin comments as I sit across from him during breakfast. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

"Muuhhh." I groan as I load my fork with sausage and egg.

"Oh dear, that's a bad sign." Sumia sighs and sets a bowl of diced fruit in front of me. "Here, you'll need this. If you can't sleep, a balanced breakfast should at least get you through the day."

"Sumia, if I didn't know it would get me kicked out of the kingdom, I could kiss you right now." I pop a strawberry in my mouth and groan at the taste. "Soooo goooooood."

"Oh, it wouldn't get you kicked out of the kingdom." Sumia chuckles. "I would have to hurt you though."

I grin and raise my cup to her in response, "Your mercy is truly a benefit to this great nation." Robin snorts and starts choking on his eggs, and I feel the general cheer of the conversation picking up my spirits and waking me up.

Time travel is the sort of thing many people dream about, but I've always been more of the opinion that it's the stuff of nightmares. Every good story about time travel comes with its fair share of trauma after all, and I seem destined to be no exception. I spent the whole night worrying about changing the future, until I came to the conclusion that any changes I might like to make aren't due for a very long time, and I should probably not worry about it.

I fell asleep fine once logic won out, but my brain never forgot how to wake up at the crack of dawn, so I'm running on like two hours right now. That's a lot worse to deal with after more than a month of getting a full night of rest. I used to spend all my time perpetually exhausted, but somehow training to join the personal army of a prince has led to me being better rested than I've ever been in my life.

It's the lack of internet, probably. Lord knows electronics have always kept me up. Blasted Pokémon, always keeping me from sleeping at night. How I miss you!

This is by no means the first time I've lamented my bad luck at ending up in this universe instead of the Pokémon one. So I actually manage to take my attention away from the idea and focus on breakfast for a change. It's unusual, but it does happen. Good thing too, because Chrom chooses that moment to walk into the room.

"Oh boy." Robin grimaces as Chrom walks in, and I can't help but pull a face as well. Chrom doesn't join us for breakfast. Like, ever. He never fails to eat with his sister, part of his princely duty I guess. Lissa usually does the same, though she at least sneaks over on occasion. So if he's here now, something big is happening.

"Shepherds!" Chrom calls loudly, getting everyone's attention. "Is everyone here? I don't see- ah, there you are, Kellam. I have an important announcement for you all."

He stands tall and looks grimly over everyone. "It is with a heavy heart that I must announce that our third envoy to Regna Ferox has been killed in action. Our scouts have reported that they were caught up in a clash between the Feroxi border guard and an unknown third party, and were killed to the last man."

The reaction is mixed, to say the least. Virion and I exchange a grimace between our tables, and I hear Sumia gasp in horror behind me. Sully and Vaike start raising their voices, yelling for more information. Robin, ever quick on the uptake, already seems to have figured out what this means and has pulled out a map from his bag. He seems to be plotting over the various roadways to Regna Ferox.

In the end it's Donnel who asks the most important question: "So, what d'you reckon we do now?"

There's a pause as everyone takes the question in, earning the kid an appreciative look from Chrom. "We're going ourselves. The Shepherds will be travelling to Regna Ferox, to serve as my honor guard as I negotiate a treaty with the Kahn of Regna Ferox myself. We will be leaving tomorrow morning at the crack of dawn. For this reason I have instructed Frederick to end all training early today, so that you may take the time to prepare yourselves."

He looks over us all sternly. "It is no exaggeration to say that this is the most important mission the Shepherds have undertaken since their inception. We will need to be at our best, every one of us, in order to secure this mission. For the safety of Ylisse, we must not fail." He smiles broadly at that. "I have the utmost confidence in all of you."

The room settles back into chatter at that, though with an excited buzz ringing through the air now. Chrom takes the chance to walk over to our table, giving me a friendly nod as he steps behind Robin to look at what he's doing.

"This is going to be dangerous." Robin mutters as he looks over his map. "I've heard Risen tend to prowl around the river crossings. And the Feroxi have the best border defences in the world. All records indicate that their wall is insurmountable. If they should prove hostile…"

"I'm sure you'll all be fine!" Sumia smiles reassuringly. "The Feroxi wouldn't dare act with hostility towards Chrom. That would be an act of war."

Chrom looks over to Sumia with an unreadable expression. "Sumia's right. We'll be fine. Don't let that stop you from planning for the worst though, Robin."

"It never does." Robin chews thoughtfully on a piece of toast and pulls out his notebook, eyes not leaving the map.

"I don't know what we'd do without you." Chrom chuckles, before taking a brief look over the rest of the Shepherds in the room. He turns to me with a thoughtful look on his face. "Ben, could I speak with you alone for a moment?"

I blink in surprise, then hurriedly gulp down the mouthful of toast I was working on. "Uh, yeah man, lead the way." I get to my feet, and let Chrom lead me out into the main entrance. He stops for a moment and makes to speak, before eying the door and seemingly thinking better of it. Instead he leads me further, into a first floor room stacked high with crate upon crate of linens for the infirmary.

"This should do." Chrom looks around and nods to himself. "No prying ears here."

"You're worried of spies?" I look back to the door uneasily. "Plegian? Feroxi?"

"Ylissean." Chrom looks on me grimly.

I stare at him in surprise for a moment, before it suddenly clicks for me. "This is about Sumia, isn't it?"

"What?" Chrom stares on in shock. "How'd you know?"

"The way you were looking at her, mostly." I nod to myself. "But really, with us going on a trip to a different country I figured something would be going on with her. I don't know what her exact situation is, but I do know it's weird and dripping with political drama. If it wasn't political she wouldn't have so much trouble talking about it."

Chrom sighs at that. "What do you know about Sumia's situation, exactly?"

"Like I said, not much." I shrug. "I know it has to do with why she's always at the barracks. I know it also probably has to do with why she doesn't have a Pegasus anymore. She's very open about everything except for those two topics."

Chrom leans back against a crate and sighs. "You're very perceptive, you know that?"

"You only say that because you never met me as a teenager." I chuckle. "Believe me, I used to be denser than the average brick." My laughter hides my pain. Young Ben was a fucking train-wreck.

Chrom cracks a smile at that, but it vanishes quickly. He raises his head and looks up at me with an empty expression. "Almost a year ago now, a month after I announced that I was courting Sumia, she suffered a… training accident, of sorts. Sumia was still training as a Pegasus Knight at the time, on what was supposed to be a routine patrol, when she was ambushed. A couple of desperate bandits, or so they claimed."

"You suspect differently."

"Alas, suspicions are all I have." Chrom grips the edge of the crate he leans on, knuckles white. "Their story never changed, but they were too prepared, too well equipped. Sumia's Pegasus was killed immediately, and Sumia barely escaped with her life. If her friend hadn't also been patrolling nearby, she would be dead."

"Shit." I step back in shock. "That's… wait. You need the support of a noble family to become a Pegasus knight, don't you? So surely any bandit would know she's more valuable alive?"

"Yet another inconsistency, yes. Believe me, over the course of our investigation, we've found many more." Chrom glares at the far wall. "And most glaring of all is her instructor. The woman seemed all too eager to send Sumia out again, not long after the accident."

"You think she was bought."

"She's closely related to a noblewoman, one who has expressed a great deal of interest in introducing me to her daughter." Chrom's face twists in disgust. "One of many men and women who has shown such interests."

"So… they want Sumia out of the picture. That way you might consider one of their own girls. A free ticket into the royal family." I stare aside blankly. When the fuck did this video game turn into GAME OF FUCKING THRONES? What is my life even?

"The court of Ylisse is a den of vipers, to be sure." Chrom spits bitterly. "Of all the people in our nation, none are more entitled than the nobles. What they do not have, they see little issue with taking. My father's war has left a broad divide between the nobles and the common people. Even Maribelle, for all her many esteemed qualities, suffers from this. Hell, even Lissa and I feel the divide between us; it is part of why I formed the Shepherds. It's an effective way for me to bridge the gaps between our classes, and give due recognition to those who would normally be snubbed by the upper class."

"Also an effective place to protect somebody who is no longer safe in their current position!" I nod as the last piece of the puzzle falls into place for me. "Sumia was brought into the Shepherds for her own protection, wasn't she?"

"It's true." Chrom nods. "Sumia is from a noble family, one which has long been renowned for its military service. She is the daughter of two great politicians, but her father was also an esteemed warrior, one who died in service during the war. She took up the spear in order to honor him. And when she suffered her 'accident'… they used that against her. I was against her returning to her service as a knight, and she wasn't prepared either. She was still mourning the loss of her Pegasus, but there was a great deal of pressure for her to return to service. 'For the sake of your father's memory!' they would say."

"Get back in that saddle, so we can knock you out of it for good." I deadpan, before looking over at Chrom sheepishly. "Sorry, that was a thoughtless comment."

"True though." Chrom lets out a bitter smile. "Their intentions were clear. So in the end, I offered the only alternative available: The Shepherds. As a member, she could stay safely away from the machinations of the nobles, while still serving her country. The only way to refute it would be to insult a militia formed by the prince himself. It's kept her safe physically and politically, but at a cost. She had to abandon her dream of becoming a Pegasus Knight. I can't even get her a Pegasus as part of the Shepherds, since their use in military is so entangled with the nobility. Emmeryn could, but it would step on so many toes amongst the noble families…"

"See, this kind of shit is why I hate politicians." I roll my eyes. "Which begs the question why you're telling me all this. Why now?"

"The fact that you hate politicians is part of it, honestly." Chrom looks over at me and shrugs. "It means you're not likely to be bought by them. You have no ties to them, and you have no love for their bullshit. That means you can be trusted. As to your next question, I feel that this is the opportunity that many have been waiting for. We're not just going on a patrol, we're leaving the country. It could be months before we return. More than enough time for something to happen. I can't just hope that Cordelia will be around this time. I want you to be there instead."

"So you want me to stay with her." I frown. "In the capital."

"You wouldn't be alone in this, of course." Chrom gives me a reassuring smile. "I'd leave Severa and Donnel as well, they both seem to look up to you. Donnel's got a lot of potential, and Severa may be better with a sword than me." He stops and looks away thoughtfully at that. "She does battle like one who's known war her whole life."

"That she does." I frown. "Still, I can't help but think you're missing a rather obvious solution."

"Oh?" Chrom looks over at me curiously.

"If you're so worried, let her come with us. She's a trained soldier, and you can look after her far better if you two are together."

"That's every bit as risky." Chrom glares at me. "Do you think me so reckless as to put the woman I love in danger like that?"

"I fear trained assassins more than bandits or the walking dead any day." I shrug. "Even Frederick could fall behind an assassin's blade if it was so desired. I'm sure Robin would back me up on this. I'm a lot better than I used to be, but against a trained killer I wouldn't stand a chance. Not yet, at least."

Chrom scowls at me for a few long seconds, then sighs in defeat. "I was afraid you'd say that. Frederick had a similar opinion when I consulted him on the matter. He's shrewd, but overprotective. I thought he might just be acting paranoid, but you have no such tendencies."

"Does my word mean that much to you?" I blink in surprise.

"There is no member of the Shepherd who I do not trust." Chrom gives me a smile that I can only describe as 'noble'. "Though you have shown a certain sense of pragmatism and cleverness that I find valuable, yes."

"Huh." I continue to stare in shock. "I guess my years of schooling weren't for nothing after all."

"I should hope not." Chrom chuckles. "Education is a frightfully expensive thing, after all."

"Expensive and life ruining." I mutter darkly.

"What?" Chrom looks up in confusion.

"Nothing, not important!" I smile. "So, you're letting Sumia come along, then?"

"Honestly, I'm still against it." Chrom sighs. "But I suppose you've made your point. I'll have to talk to her about it."

"Cool, let's go then." I push the door open and nod towards the mess hall. "Sooner you talk to her the better, and I need to finish my breakfast before morning training begins."

"Ah yes!" Chrom chuckles at this and moves towards the door. "Frederick has something special planned for today, or so he tells me. An important lesson in spear-work."

"Oof." I grimace as we re-enter the mess hall. "My worst subject. I have better luck with magic."

"Miriel does have a great deal of praise for your grasp of the theory…" Chrom nods thoughtfully. "Even if your power is lacking."

"More like not worth mentioning." I grimace. "But something about spears… I don't know what it is, I just can't seem to get the footwork."

"Give it time, I'm sure it will come to you." Chrom claps a reassuring hand on my shoulder, then moves over to Sumia. I take my seat across from Robin and resume eating my now cold breakfast, as Chrom leads Sumia out of the room.

"Finally decided to bring her along, did he?" Robin comments, sending the two a brief glance between notes.

"Looks that way." I reply, shovelling eggs in my mouth as I see Shepherds starting to trail out of the room.

"That's good!" Robin smiles to himself as he marks a few last words down and closes his notebook with a loud snap. "I've felt bad for her, always cooped up here. Hardly fitting for a former Pegasus knight in training."

"Yeah." I prod at my fruit bowl and allow myself a little grin. "Well, I'm sure she'll find her wings again soon." 

* * *

I keep my face as straight as I can, as I stand in line with the other Shepherds. It's not an easy task. All around me others fail to do the same. Donnel looks awestruck. Vaike and Virion are practically drooling. Stahl seems fine, but on closer inspection is stopping to gulp every few seconds. Even Robin can't stop his eyes from wandering.

Such is the effect of one's first exposure to the legendary Cordelia of the Pegasus Knights. Even the women seem taken with her, though in Miriel's case she may be more interested in the effect the Pegasus Knight has on everyone else.

Okay, I may be exaggerating a bit here. She's extremely good looking, of course, but it's hardly hypnotic. Definitely getting some interesting responses from some of the Shepherds though.

Severa may have the most interesting reaction of all, though my knowledge of who Cordelia is to the girl is probably swaying my opinion. The kid is going bug eyed, her knuckles bulging white from the skin as she clutches her hands in fists at her sides.

"Pay close attention now, everyone." Frederick stands proudly at attention, possibly the only one in the group who seems unaffected by Cordelia's shining aura of perfection. "Cordelia is one of the finest of Ylisse's Pegasus Knights, and her talent with a spear is without peer. As such, I have asked her to take time from her busy schedule to give us a demonstration of her skills, that you may take inspiration and strive to better yourselves in this regard."

If Cordelia is uncomfortable at the praise, she doesn't show it, remaining perfectly poised, with a calm smile on her face. She stands at ease, with her spear held upright at her side, as Frederick sets up a straw dummy in front of her.

"We will begin with a demonstration, then I will have you commence training. Cordelia will remain during this time to give advice to those who need it." He stands back and bows deeply to Cordelia. "Whenever you are ready, milady."

Cordelia gives Frederick a soft smile in response, before turning to face the dummy. Her foot shifts subtly forward, and her spear blurs into a ready position with a slight turn of her wrist.

There's a moment of tense anticipation.

And with a sharp whistle of air, Cordelia lunges. It's so fast I can barely follow it, a swift succession of stabbing attacks. Two strikes to the chest and shoulder, then a twirl that brings the haft of the spear across the chin, which is concluded with two more blows to the throat and head.

She does all of this in under two seconds. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding as she returns to her former stance. There's a scattering of appreciative murmuring. Sully lets out a low whistle of appreciation.

Cordelia is about to step forward again, but stops at a raised hand from Frederick. "A moment, please." Frederick looks over the Shepherds calmly. "I would ask you all a question. How many times do you think Cordelia struck the dummy just now?"

"Four." Vaike calls out after a moment, to nods of assent from most of the remaining Shepherds.

"I saw five." I feel compelled to call out. "She used the handle to hit the jaw when she spun." Robin and Virion nod along in agreement, and I feel a smug sense of pride as Vaike scowls over at me. I'm a gamer fool, my eyes are trained for higher fps than yours!

"Begging your pardon, Mister Benjamin, but it's actually six." Donnel pipes up.

There's a pause as everyone in the Shepherds turns to face him in confusion. He reddens under the attention, shuffling from foot to foot. "Oh golly, well I suppose I could be mistaken, but when Miss Cordelia did that pretty little twirl, I thought I saw her cut across the stomach."

I blink in surprise, and look back up to the dummy. I didn't see that spear go anywhere near the stomach, but if it did there will be damage. I frown as I examine it. Not a straw out of place. Yet Cordelia and Frederick both seem strangely pleased.

"Well spotted, Donnel." Frederick kneels next to the dummy, and runs a hand across the stomach. The straw parts easily across the stomach. "And well struck Cordelia. It was a very clean cut; even I almost missed it."

"It was nothing special." Cordelia preens.

"Holy shit, good eye kid." I nudge Donnel with an elbow, staring at the dummy in shock. "I didn't see a thing!"

"Let this be a lesson to all of you." Frederick gives a satisfied nod. "This is the pinnacle you must strive to one day reach. The first step is to watch closely. If you are to go on to greater heights, you must first see the path laid out in front of you."

From there things continue in much the same regard. Cordelia performs jaw-dropping feats of spear wielding, the rest of us fail to keep up. By the end of the demonstration, the only people who have a proper grasp of Cordelia's movements are Donnel, Robin, and to a slightly lesser extent, Sully.

Then comes the actual practise, which goes about as poorly for me as I expect it to. Spears do not seem to be something I'll get the grasp of anytime soon, to Frederick's immense frustration. Despite my best efforts I can't seem to get my footwork squared properly, and my lunges continue to miss the mark as a result. I can tell that I'm close, and so can Frederick, but there's something that I'm just not getting a handle on. My inability to figure out what this something is and make the necessary final correction leads to a rather bitter argument with Frederick that we both agree to call off before it slips into incivility.

By the time Frederick and I finally agree to come back to things another day I discover that everyone else has left, including Cordelia. The two of us spent more time working on it than we were supposed to, but neither of us has much difficulty packing, so we took the risk.

It's with a slightly bitter heart that I trek over to the bathhouses, still going over my steps in my head. It's really quite annoying to me, my situation is not like say, Miriel or Vaike, who just don't seem to grasp the concepts at all. I can tell I'm close to figuring things out. But for whatever the reason, no matter how much I correct my stance, things seem to keep falling apart at the last second.

"Am I leaning forward too much or something?" I muse. "I need to figure this out soon before I spend too much time obsessing over it."

"What's this? Finally decided to join us, did you?"

I come to a stop outside of the bathhouse in surprise. A woman's voice, but not one I recognize. Must be one of the Pegasus Knights, I know the women's side of the bathhouse is primarily built for their benefit.

"Don't be silly, Little Lady Genius has far better things to do than to train with her elder knights, doesn't she?"

"There is hardly a cause to take offense, I received Lady Phila's blessing to miss training today." I recognize Cordelia's voice, but it sounds… unusually sullen.

"Oh, of course you did!" The first voice reacts in mock sarcasm. "Little Lady Genius is so important, after all! Off to run errands for a Royal Knight! Don't you feel special!"

"Not like she needed to attend training in the first place, after all!" The second voice pipes up in a sing-song voice. "Little Lady Genius is so smart and clever that she can keep up just fine even if she takes a day off from training."

"Oh yes, we all need a day off from time to time. Little Lady Genius looks very well rested. Not a hair out of place, as always."

"Every day is a vacation when you're Little Lady Genius. Always so capable, and you don't even work up a sweat to do so! It almost makes me wonder why you're over here. If Little Lady Genius is so above it all that she doesn't even sweat, does she really need a bath?"

"Are you quite finished?" Cordelia responds quietly.

"Oh yes, Little Lady Genius, I think we're done here. We need to go get our rest, we were very busy today, actually doing our jobs." I consider retreating as I hear the voices near the door, but there's nowhere to hide without noisily sprinting around the side of the building. So I just settle for standing back from the entrance as the two Pegasus Knights walk outside.

The girls pause for a second as they see me, their smug smiles fading into scowls. "Got a problem?" One of them snaps at me irritably.

I raise an eyebrow slowly and straighten up, making use of my height to literally look down on the two. "Who the fuck wouldn't?"

To their credit the girls aren't intimidated at all, despite not being aware that they could easily kick my ass. That said, nobody likes being called out like that, so while not scared they certainly don't seem comfortable with the situation. The same one that snapped at me growls out a quick "Mind your own business." And with that they both stride away towards their barracks.

I watch them leave with a clinical detachment, trying to avoid thinking about how much I'm freaking out internally at the brief confrontation. "They'd be rather pretty if they weren't such bitches." I mutter under my breath. The comment, while crass, lets me feel just a little more in control, and I feel my heart rate slow into something less intense.

If that conversation had stretched into more than three sentences I would have cracked under the pressure. I do not deal well with aggressive conversations like that, holy fuck!

I take a couple more deep breaths to relax myself and walk into the bathhouse, ready to soak that whole situation into a vague memory. And when I do I find myself suddenly freezing again as Cordelia's eyes meet me across the room. She's standing listlessly near the entrance to the girl's side, staring blankly at me.

"How much of that did you hear?" She asks in a monotone.

"Uhh… fuck. The whole thing, I think?" I grimace and break eye contact. "Sorry, didn't mean to eavesdrop. In my defense, this is a pretty public location."

"They don't really care much. It's just hazing, after all, it's nothing unusual."

"Glad Sumia never picked that trick up before leaving." I shrug and give Cordelia a bitter smirk. "If not for her hospitality I'd have been kicked out of the Shepherds within a day."

"Sumia's doing alright then?" Cordelia brightens up a bit at the mention of her friend.

"She's okay." I shrug again. "Leaving with us tomorrow. You should talk to her before she leaves, I'm sure she'd like to hear from you. She talks about you a lot."

"I'd like that a great deal." Cordelia goes quiet, seemingly pondering the idea.

"Cool. You go do that then. You seem like you could use a friend."

"Am I that obvious?" She frowns as she looks up at me.

"Kinda, yeah." I shrug again, then scowl as I realize just how much I've done that during this conversation. "Not a hair out of place the whole practise, but those girls definitely did a number on you."

"You're imagining things. As I said, it's a simple hazing, nothing I can't handle."

I stare blankly at her for a few long seconds. "Okay, we're both going to pretend I believe that. But before I do, let me just give you a quick word of advice."

Cordelia gives no response, save to raise a single eyebrow.

"Don't go telling Sumia anything like that." I give Cordelia a hard look. "I wasn't kidding when I said she talks about you a lot, she's worried sick about you. Don't repay that by lying to her face. You can do that to me, that's cool, I don't know you for shit. But talk to your friend about it if nobody else."

She pauses, taken aback at that. I decide to take advantage of the fact that she's still not speaking to escape before I say too much (as if I haven't already). "Alright! Well I'm glad to hear you're alright. Anyways, I'm going to go wash up, that practise was brutal and we gotta be on the road bright and early tomorrow. Thanks for the demonstration!"

I've almost escaped into the men's bath when Cordelia stops me. "Your name is… Ben, right?"

"Uhh, yeah. Surprised you knew that, honestly." I look back over my shoulder.

"Thank you. For speaking up to them." She gives me a small smile. "And for your advice, unsolicited though it may have been."

"Uhh… Right! Yeah, okay. Glad to help!" I blink as I realize how much I'm starting to stammer. "Okay, I still have to pack for the big trip tomorrow, so I'm gonna go. Nice talking to you!" I duck behind the curtain and swiftly walk down the hall towards the changing room. I vaguely hear Cordelia chuckle behind me, and slap a hand to my head in embarrassment.

I don't know what I expected, honestly, talking to what may very well be the most attractive woman I've ever met one on one like that. It's honestly shocking that I didn't make more of an idiot of myself. Lucky me, I guess.

"Eight goddamn years since I graduated, and yet I still can't talk to a pretty girl without reverting to a fucking high-schooler." I grumble to myself.

Perhaps the one and only mercy is that it will likely be months before I see her again. Lots of time for me to forget the awkward turn that conversation took. Or to die!

I'll take what I can get right now, honestly.

* * *

 **Alright, so here's a little bit of payoff to something I've been bouncing around in my headcanon for a while now. I'm... honestly not sure how Sumia's lack of Pegasus has been explained by other writers, but since she's basically the canon waifu for Chrom, I figured a bit of political intrigue fleshes her situation out quite nicely. This would be the main reason I decided to have the two start in a relationship. Hopefully I'll be able to use this to flesh out an actual romance between the two, but I'm honestly crap at writing that sort of thing, so it'll be relegated strictly to the background.**

 **As to the whole sequence with Cordelia, it's primarily a reference to her support with Frederick, where she gives a similar presentation at his request. Of course, going by the actual dialogue their support doesn't start chronologically until after Phila's death, but fuck it, I wanted to introduce her early. Since I already fucked around with things in regards to Severa, it seemed appropriate.**

 **The name Cordelia's fellow knights call her, 'Little Lady Genius' is pulled directly from her support with Robin. Showing the hazing is another reason I wanted to bump Cordelia's appearance forward a bit, since in game you don't get to know her until all her fellow Pegasus Knights are dead. I hope I hit the right tone with them, Cordelia's bitterness in regards to the way she's treated by her peers is the most interesting part of her character to me, probably because I can identify with it a lot.**

 **Anyways, next time, we finally start Chapter 2. Boy did that take a long fucking time, huh?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 of Whispers and Songs here! Now with an actual Song! When the point comes that MC starts singing, I recommend you look up Woodsmoke and Oranges by Ian Tamblyn. The choir arrangement is by Rebecca Campbell, and is the version being sung.**

* * *

"So, was it cool to see your mom again?"

"What?" Severa gives me a look that, as per usual, I really can't begin to understand. Some weird mix of shock and suspicion, and probably a hundred other emotions I can't discern.

"That was the first time you've seen her in years, right? I'm just curious what that was like for you." I shrug. "If I'm crossing a line by asking you speak up now, we can change the subject."

The two of us are currently walking near the back of a lengthy procession of Shepherds. I've quickly realized during my time here that the marching order is far from orderly around here, making this the best time to chat with Severa outside of those days when the others are out on horseback. The line is long and unorganized, with go-getters like Frederick and Sully leading the pack at a pace few can properly follow. Meanwhile, near the back, are more casual types like Stahl and myself. The tail end of the line is always Miriel, since she tends to read while marching.

Leaving the mage alone at the back of the line strikes me as rather careless, but I've been assured that ambushes on the road are rare for a well-armed group like ours. And that the few times anything has happened Miriel still had the situational awareness to vaporize her attackers before she was in any danger.

So, I decided to take the opportunity to chat with my not-niece from the future. Severa seems to like the attention, even if she does protest it rather loudly when I bring it up. So it strikes me as good a use of my time as any. The conversation is taking a while to continue at the moment though. My question seems to have taken her off guard.

"Why do you want to know?" Severa asks with a frown.

"I dunno." I look up at the clouds, thinking on it. "I suppose… I miss my family. And I know you must feel the same. So I'm curious how it feels, meeting her again and seeing how different she is from what you remember. I've changed so much in the month and a half since I came here that I wonder if my family will even recognize me if I ever find my way back to them."

"You don't look that much different to how I remember… him." She makes a gesture that I assume is meant to indicate future me. "You don't look as worn out as he did, but you're pretty much identical."

I blink at that. Then turn to her with a sudden feeling of dread. "I look that much alike? Really? Even…" I trail off and look down at my stomach.

Severa's gaze follows my own and she winces. "Uh, yeah. Sorry…"

"Well fuck." I grimace as I gaze at my gut and feel the heavy gloom of depression settle over me. "I was hoping this would go away in time. I know there's some genuine muscle under there thanks to the training, but that's not much for consolation."

"I mean, it's not like you were ever out of shape." Severa shakes her head emphatically. "Not really. You were actually… really strong. I don't think I ever beat you once when you trained me. Even Lucina and Owain could hardly win against you."

"Huh…" I blink at that. "Okay, that's actually helpful to know. I mean, it's not like I'm destined to reach that level of skill just because he did, but this at least means the potential is there, right?"

"Uhh… I guess?" Severa shrugs, frowning. "Okay, can we change the subject please? This conversation is honestly kinda weird for me on many levels."

"Huh… yeah I can see that." I stop and reflect on things for a minute and cringe. Yes Severa, talk some more with your pseudo-uncle about his figure, nothing wrong with that! "Okay, back on topic then. You saw your mom again yesterday. Was that cool?"

"More like infuriating." Severa grumbles. "She hasn't even joined the Shepherds and she's already perfect. I kinda hoped I could be even with her now, at least."

"Instead of so stupidly strong that we literally could not process it? Yeah, I can see how that would be annoying." I nod sagely. "We have a lot of work to do to catch up to good Sir Donnel."

She lets out a pretty undignified snort at that, then gives me an accusatory glare. I try for a serene smile in response, but my face tends to default to smirk when amused, so she just gets more irritated and punches me in the kidneys.

"Oof!"

"Everything alright back there?" Sumia calls back in concern.

"I've been unjustly assaulted!"

"You know what you did!" Severa protests with enough indignation that I burst out laughing. Sumia rolls her eyes in fond exasperation and turns forward again.

My laughter dies quickly as Severa's indignant expression gives way to a much sadder one. "What's up, did I say something stupid again?"

"No, sorry." Severa looks up at me and sighs. "Just… thinking. About your question."

"Uhh… I guess things between you and your mom were complicated?"

"You could say that." Severa laughs mirthlessly. "I couldn't stand her."

"Uhh, shit. That bad?" I blink, taken aback. I remember from the games that Severa had plenty of issues with her mother's overwhelming legacy, but this seems a bit more serious than that. I'm not sensing Severa's tsundere side at all.

"Everyone always expected me to live up to her. To be as great as she was. But you saw what she was like yesterday. She's only a few years older than me and she's one of the strongest people in the whole country! I can't live up to that no matter how hard I try."

"You don't have to be as strong as she is, you know." I look down at Severa in concern as she quietly seethes. "There's no way future me never told you that, I'm not that clueless."

She grumbles at that, "Yeah, you said it plenty. But that doesn't make it any easier. Like, when mom died everyone felt it. She was so damn perfect at what she did that it left a huge hole in the army. And right around that time, I started my training, and everyone looked my way. 'If anyone can fill that gap, it's gotta be her daughter, right?' And I just… couldn't. I was average. And everyone tried to act normal about it, but I could see how disappointed they were in their eyes."

I try to think of something to say, but I've never been great with this sort of situation. So all I manage is a weak "fuck" before trailing into silence.

"I remember, you were the only one." Severa's voice hitches as she walks and she hunches her shoulders defensively. "You never expected anything of me. Which hurt, at first, but when everyone else was acting disappointed it helped. Because you were the only one who looked at what I could do and thought that was good enough."

"Huh… glad to hear I wasn't a complete screw up…" I sigh and look over at her. "You've got it rough here, huh?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I was just thinking, it's gotta suck having to deal with me here. It's like, you lost your role model and have to deal with an inferior version instead. Can't be easy."

The two of us walk in silence for a few minutes, until Severa finally replies.

"…Rfn" Unfortunately for me her reply is mumbled so quietly it's completely incomprehensible.

"What?" I turn to her in confusion.

"Nothing. Shut up. Forget it." Severa snaps, pointedly looking away from me.

I debate pressing her, but in the end figure it's better not to bother her on this one. "Consider whatever that was forgotten then." I shrug.

"… Good. Let's hurry up, the others are getting ahead of us." Severa starts to quicken her pace again, staring pointedly at the ground.

I look up ahead to the others and frown in confusion. "No… they're not. They've stopped." I look up to where the others are bunching up and break into a jog. "Something's up, let's go."

"Ben, Severa!" Sumia calls from her position with the supply wagons as we move forward. "Sully and Frederick spotted Risen! They're gathered around the river crossing up ahead!"

Ah, sounds like chapter two to me. That… took a while.

"You staying back here?" I ask Sumia, slowing as I reach her. "Wait, let me guess: Chrom wants you away from the front lines so you'll be safe."

"Yes." Sumia frowns. "It makes sense, without a mount I'm useless."

"Sounds like a load of nonsense to me, but whatever. I'd rather you not have as dangerous an induction as mine anyways." I sigh. "Alright, well I'm going ahead to see who's positioned where. Stay safe."

"You too!" Sumia calls after me as I jog forward.

"Alright, Ben's here!" Robin nods as I reach the group. "That leaves Sumia with the cart and Miriel at the back of the line.

"Way back." Sully whistles as she squints down the road behind us. "She's running, so she knows something's up, but she'll be five minutes at least. Better start without her."

"Agreed." Robin nods and turns to the rest of us, all business. "Alright, Virion, take watch on the hilltop there, prioritize the bridge unless any get close to the wagons. Donnel, you go with him, if he sees anything I need to know about you're on messenger duty.

"Frederick, take the fields to the right, Sully and Stahl, you're on the left. I don't want any of these things flanking us.

"Kellam, you're on point on the main road, along with Chrom and Vaike. I'll watch your back with magic. Severa, you're watching me. Keep me clear to cast and make sure Donnel can get to me if he has to.

"Ben, Lissa, you're on standby. Stay ahead of the carts, but close enough to provide Sumia with support if any get past our cavalry. If Lissa is needed somewhere Ben, your job is to get her there as soon as possible. When Miriel reaches us send her to me, we'll need her to clear the fortifications across the bridge. Does anyone have any questions? Good, move out!"

There's a roar of assent as the Shepherds scatter, the ground practically shaking as Frederick mounts his horse and rides off.

"He really is brilliant at this, huh?" I chuckle as Lissa and I move closer to the wagons.

"I know, right! It's crazy how fast he figures this stuff out." Lissa nods emphatically. "Like, how did he figure all that out so fast?"

"I think it's not a matter of speed so much as it is preparation." I muse, looking back towards the main group as close in on the Risen massing near the bridge. "Robin had maps out as soon as he heard about the trip yesterday. I'm guessing he checked which places would have the most complications if we ran into trouble, and made plans ahead of time for each of them."

"That would take forever though!" Lissa gasps in awe.

"Which is probably why he asked me to help him pack." I chuckle. "He knows I'm good at that sort of thing."

"You guys get along well, huh?" Lissa tilts her head in thought. "Must be because you're one of the first people he met."

"The fact that we both get strategy helps." I shrug. "I'm not nearly as good as him or Virion, but I can at least hold a conversation with him on the subject."

"You do a lot of that stuff, huh? Strategy, fighting, magic, music, art… how did you get good at so much stuff?"

I chuckle at the admiration on her face. "By not taking the time to perfect any of them. There's a saying where I come from: 'Jack of all Trades, master of none.' I have a lot of stuff that I can pick up and do well enough at, but I will never be the best at any of them. So don't go thinking I'm talented or something, it's more indecision than anything. A complete lack of commitment."

"I dunno, it still seems cool to me." Lissa kicks at the ground and frowns. "I'm really only good at healing, so seeing somebody who can do so many different things is really impressive."

"You have other talents. You're far better with people than I am. You're good at pranks. Hmm… you're good at braiding hair." She's twisted a few locks together before while I was drawing.

Lissa giggles at that last one. "You should let me braid your hair more often then."

I chuckle along. "Well, don't expect the braids to stick around too long, but I won't fuss if you want to goof off next time I'm drawing. Just don't tie any knots."

"I would never!" Lissa gasps in mock-horror, then goes quiet again… "So, if I were to ask you how I should be a better princess, what would you say?"

I look down at Lissa, but she doesn't meet my gaze. She just stands in place, fidgeting nervously, eyes fixated on her… I'd say feet, but with that dress I doubt she can actually see them. Guess she's having her little identity crisis then? I'm pretty sure she talks about this with Chrom in the game.

"Well, let me think…" I put a hand to my chin and pretend to mull it over. "Your hair should change."

"My hair?" Lissa looks up at me in horror. "What's wrong with my hair?"

"Color's too boring. I mean, yellow? Come on. I think we need to go with something crazier. Like purple. Ooh, or neon pink! Oh, wait, I got it! Have you considered stripes?"

"Ben, come on, this is serious!" Lissa pouts cutely at me, and I chuckle.

"Well, I suppose if that answer doesn't work for you… you're probably okay then."

"What?"

"Yeah, I got nothing." I shrug. "Carry on as you were. If it ain't broke, don't fix it." I nod to myself and smirk. "I'm a pretty smart guy, so you know if I say something it has to be true."

"Darn it." Lissa sighs. "I was hoping you'd have something for me to work on."

"What can I say? I hate most politicians on principle, but I happen to think you're pretty good company. So clearly there's no reason to change anything."

"I'm not really a politician, Ben."

"You're royalty, that counts." I shrug.

Lissa sighs, but gives me a cheerful smile all the same. "Thanks Ben."

"Sure thing, kiddo." I pat her on the head and chuckle as she scowls at me. "Alright, we've been chatting enough, let's focus on work now, yeah?"

"Oh! Right!" Lissa looks back towards the main group, and frowns suddenly. "They're moving slower than usual."

I don't have the best grasp of the group's pace, but I figure I better see if I can spot something. The group seems to still be fighting, and Robin hasn't sent up a distress signal… But now that Lissa mentions it… "I think… you're right. They're barely moving." I frown. "What could be happening up there?"

Wait, isn't this the map where…

"Ben. Greetings."

"Whoa, shit!" I spin around in alarm and find myself face to face with Miriel. She looks as though she's been worn down just by running all the way over to catch up with us. "Geez Miriel, you startled me."

"I have disrupted your focus. My apologies. I had an important question to ask, however, and I believe that time is of the essence, as they say."

"What's up?"

"I wished to inquire if you are missing an axe."

"What?" I blink in alarm and grab at my hip, breathing a sigh of relief when my hand touches the axe Chrom gave me, firmly attached in place. "No, I've only got this one here."

"I see. Then it is as I expected. How troublesome. Are you aware of the position Robin intends for me to take?"

"Uhh, yeah, he wants you with his group in the middle there. Said he wanted you to clear the bridge."

"How convenient." Miriel looks to the vanguard and her face hardens. "It seems I have other business there as well." She rushes off towards the others with an impressive sweep of her robes, storming off with her tome in one hand… and an axe in the other.

"…That's Vaike's axe, isn't it." I give a deadpan stare as I watch Miriel convene with the others.

"Probably." Lissa claps a hand to her forehead in exasperation and groans. "Oh Vaike, not again…"

"What an idiot." I sigh. Movement in the corner of my eye catches my attention and I turn to see two Risen stumbling along the base of the hill. "Behind me Lissa. Hopefully now that the main attacking force is properly armed, this will end quickly."

* * *

In the end I only killed one Risen over the course of the whole battle, with Virion picking off the others that got close. Miriel proved to be a critical factor, to nobody's surprise. When experimenting in her studies Miriel wields magic like a scalpel, but in battle she prefers overwhelming force. When she kills something, she likes to be thorough about it.

The pace of the fight proceeded a lot quicker after she arrived, but was no less brutal for it. Once the last Risen were cleared out it was decided almost unanimously that it was time to set camp. The fortifications Miriel cleared on the northern side of the river made for a good shelter for the evening.

Which is how I find myself staring appreciatively at the silhouettes of two Risen that have been burnt into the outside wall. "This is like a work of art."

"Is that so?" Frederick pauses as he walks by, tilting his head appraisingly. "I suppose it does have a certain aesthetic. Though I feel as though it would be rude to leave marks like that on the wall. We should clean it."

"Add it to Vaike's chore list then." I shrug and turn aside, readjusting the armload of firewood I'm carrying. "He's getting off far too light anyways."

"Are you saying that out of concern for the consequences of his blunder? Or simply out of a desire for petty revenge?" Frederick stares levelly at me.

"Both, really." I smirk. "I think he's a jackass, yeah, but now he's also a jackass that put my friends at risk. Like, everyone here has treated me well with one notable exception, but Robin, Chrom, Severa…" I glare towards the fort entrance where Vaike is sweeping. "He picked some pretty important people on my list to nearly get killed."

"Chrom is not so weak as to let himself die to such a simple blunder." Frederick shakes his head. "Still, I share your disappointment. To drop his axe on the road like that… Well, at any rate, I am seeing to his punishment. So I expect you to act your age and be the adult in this scenario. No snide comments or rude gestures."

I grin back at Frederick. "Give me some credit here, as far as that moron goes I've displayed the patience of a saint. It's hardly my first time dealing with terrible co-workers."

"I haven't forgotten that incident with the chair, you know."

Oof. I had. "That was a stressful time for me, okay!" I grimace at the weakness of the excuse. "No, sorry, you're right. That was pretty stupid of me."

"You're quite correct though. You had only just recently experienced several traumatizing incidents. Being removed from your home, being lost in a strange land, multiple near-death experiences, your first kill…"

"That last one was pretty easy, actually." I frown thoughtfully. "It helps when you don't think of them as human."

"Hmm." Frederick does not seem eager to open that can of worms, which is good since that's not a conversation I ever really intend to have. The most conflict I have on the whole 'killing people' thing is my concern with how little conflict I feel.

Blah, blah, Ben's a terrible person and also a bit of a sociopath. Case closed, move along. When the metaphorical hornet's nest is your own fucking brain you don't play games, you just leave it alone.

"Regardless…" I snap out of my thoughts as Frederick starts talking again. "No matter your state of mind, I will not condone any actions you may take that worsen this foolish spat between the two of you. I feel the need to say as much, since your attitude towards Vaike has grown more hostile as you have become more comfortable in the Shepherds."

I frown at the warning, thinking it over. "The steadier the boat gets, the less harm I see in rocking it. Yeah, you've got a good point there." Being comfortable is always a dangerous thing for me, since my default setting is jackass. When you have terrible social graces you have to always stay on guard for fear of saying the sort of thing other people wouldn't even consider.

"I'm pleased you understand." Frederick nods in approval, before gesturing towards the fort. "Now, let us move. We have lingered long enough, and I would like to get a fire going before it gets dark."

"You and your fires." I chuckle.

"You enjoy tending them too, do not deny it!" Frederick scowls.

"Well yeah, but you're definitely well ahead of me in that regard all the same." I shrug. "A regular pyromaniac."

Frederick and I continue our banter while we get the fireplace of the old fort going, then I move on to the side room Stahl and I are using as a makeshift kitchen.

Dinner proves to be rabbit, to the relief of all but Chrom and Robin, and I set about preparing them while Stahl readies other ingredients for a stew. I'm not particularly experienced in skinning rabbits, but since I used to work at a butcher shop years ago I'm at least somewhat prepared for taking the animals apart, though I get a few tips from Chrom (a rubbish cook, but a decent butcher). My knife work needs more improvement though. If we weren't making stew I'd be pretty embarrassed.

The fort's been abandoned long enough that what sparse furniture remains is all but rotted away, so we clear it all out and use what few scraps are salvageable as extra firewood. The Shepherds all sit around the room on the stone floor (freshly swept by one miserable fighter with a lengthy list of chores), and eat rabbit stew that Stahl insists was a joint effort despite my meager contributions.

Frederick and Sumia take the dishes to wash in the river, Virion heads to the top of the fort to take first watch, and soon the rest of us settle down with sleeping mats and blankets around the room. We sit, chat about the battle, and wait for the fireplace to die out.

It's only my third trip with the Shepherds, but it all feels… normal. My usual night used to be just… curling up in bed watching YouTube videos or reading fanfiction. And now, I carve rabbits, lie down on cold stone, and wait for my shift on lookout to begin. And the sudden realization that this has all become routine for me hits harder than I thought it would.

"What the fuck happened to me?" I mutter, staring at the fireplace blankly.

"Hm? What's up, Ben?" Robin pulls his nose out of the map he's been studying and looks over to me in concern.

"It's nothing. Forget it." I grimace at the look in his face. "Just thinking out loud, that's all."

"That didn't exactly sound like nothing." I turn to the right and flinch as I realize Severa set her mat down right next to me without my noticing. Her gaze is sharp as she meets my eyes. "Did you say something happened to you?"

"Not exactly." I notice with sudden alarm that there's a whole lot of Shepherds suddenly looking my way. "No, seriously guys, I'm alright. Just…" I trail off uselessly, unable to come up with the exact word for what I'm feeling right now.

"Homesick?" Chrom supplies.

I think on the word for a moment and nod after a moment. "Yeah, I guess I am. It kinda just occurred to me how weird my life has gotten. How… normal this all is. And how different it is to what my life used to be."

"What was your life like back in Canada?" Lissa chimes in curiously.

"It was… simple." I lean back against the wall and think it over. "I had a boring job, selling groceries and moving boxes, which I used to pay for a small apartment that I rarely left. I had a small group of friends I met with regularly, and a much larger number of friends I barely saw. I played in a jazz band once a week, and spent the rest of my time reading and writing."

"What about your family?" Severa asks.

"I have a younger sister, who I rarely see because of her schooling. She lived with her girlfriend and the two would visit during holidays. My parents were teachers, though my mother had to retire around the time I was born due to a disability. She could barely stand on her own, so I often had to help her with shopping. My father was… well, things between us have been complicated for years. We care for each other, but…" I shrug, not willing to elaborate further on that one.

"Is your mother going to be alright now that you're here?" Chrom frowns pensively, also no doubt wishing to change the subject away from complicated father-son relationships.

I nod appreciatively. "She's got dad, and her sister lives close by as well. My schedule tended to be more accommodating than theirs, but she'll be alright."

"I see…" Chrom's frown doesn't budge. "Well, I can see why you want to return so badly. Your family must rely on you a lot."

"They do." I sigh. "Unfortunately I've had no real progress in that regard."

"Indeed." Miriel chimes in. "Information on the subject of the Outrealm Gate has been sparse at best. It is most vexing."

"Wait, you're trying to leave?" Severa exclaims in shock.

"Trying being the operative word." I shrug. "I have a life back in Canada that I want to go back to. It may not have been as… what's the word, influential? As my life here? But it's my life. I want it back. I spent years building it, and I want it back."

"What about your life here? You're just going to abandon us?" Severa replies angrily.

"I have a _family_ back home, Severa." I frown at her sudden change in attitude. "If I stay here then I'd basically be abandoning them instead."

"Screw you!" She throws her pillow at me, and I flinch back in surprise, cracking my head against the wall. By the time I recover Severa's rushing out the door, nearly knocking Sumia and Frederick over as they return with the dishes. Sumia looks after the fleeing girl in shock, and promptly stacks everything she's carrying onto Frederick's already formidable pile, before rushing back out the door.

"Uhh… shit." I stare blankly at the door and look to the others. "Do… you think I should go after her?"

"You kidding?" Sully snorts. "You go out there right now that girl will dismantle you."

"Besides," Stahl adds, "It's not like you intend to change your decision, right?"

"No." I sigh, still watching after her. "I don't. You've all been good to me, and I've enjoyed my time here, but I still have a life to go back to."

"Understandable." Frederick replies from around his mountain of dishes. "It would be a fool's errand to ask you to abandon the life you spent 26 years building. It will be a sad day for all of us when you finally go home, but you have our full support in your efforts to return nonetheless."

"Shame about Severa though." Stahl remarks, gazing out the door with a frown. "She's pretty attached to you, huh Ben?"

"Yeah." I sigh, leaning back against the wall. "Apparently I remind her of her uncle. He's the one who taught her how to fight."

"Can't be that similar then." Sully jokes.

"Oof, I felt that one." I laugh along with the others.

We carry on with lighthearted conversation for the next few hours, until the sun fully sets. Sumia and Severa return during the conversation, but Severa doesn't speak to me, instead just curling up nearby in her blanket and turning her back to me. Sumia can only shrug and send me an apologetic smile when I look to her. Guess the kid still needs time to cool down.

The others start to take a cue from her as time passes, drifting off to sleep as well. I have second watch, so I choose to stay up for the time being, and soon it's only myself, Robin, Sumia, and Miriel awake. By this point it's become so dark that it's all but impossible to see save for the light of the fireplace, so the four of us move to huddle nearby. Miriel reads a tome on magic as per usual, Robin is reading some book about war history, Sumia is performing her fortune telling, and I am writing in my journal.

Everything is silent for a while, save for the rustling of pages and the crackling of the fire. I find myself humming a song as I write, a habit I've developed now that I don't have iTunes to play music for me.

"What's that tune?" Sumia asks me after a little while.

"Oh, it's uhh, it's called Madeline and Theo." I look up nervously. "Sorry, was I being too loud?"

"You're fine." Robin replies, not looking up from his book.

"Yup, I was just curious." Sumia smiles. "So what's it about?"

"It's part of a story of a woman named Madeline who climbs a mountain. Along the way she meets a man named Theo, and the two become friends as they climb together. The song represents their time spent around the campfire, where they would meet and exchange stories of their adventures." I smile as I think back on it. Celeste was one of the last games I played before coming here. Not a bad one to end with at all.

"Oh that sounds lovely!" Sumia clasps her hands together in delight. "How do the words go?"

"Oh, uhh, there aren't any." I frown. "I suppose I could write some, but that would take me a pretty long time. It's just a nice melody."

"Oh." Sumia visibly deflates.

"I could sing something else for you if you'd like?" I reply quickly, not wanting to ruin the happy mood.

"Would you?" Sumia grins again, to my relief.

"As long as nobody else minds?" I look to the other two as they read.

"I'd be happy to hear you sing something." Robin looks up from his book and smiles. "I've heard Lissa say you're an excellent singer." I grin in response, remembering the many times she's managed to wear me down until I gave in and sang. She's a difficult girl to refuse.

"I have no objections." Miriel responds, though she doesn't look away from her book.

"Okay then… what should I sing?" I muse to myself. "Any sort of song you want to hear?"

"How about… something about your home?" Sumia looks curiously at me. "I'm very curious to know more about Canada." Robin nods along at the suggestion, and Miriel gives the briefest of glances to me, a sure sign that she's equally interested.

"Okay then… let me think of one." I pause and rack my brains. The majority of songs I know are all rock and roll, jazz, or from video games. Not much to work with there. Instead I think back to choir, choosing an old favorite of mine.

 _By woodsmoke and oranges, path of old canoe,_

 _I would course the inland ocean to be back to you._

 _No matter where I go to, it's always home again_

 _To the rugged northern shore and the days of sun and wind._

 _In the land of the silver birch, cry of the loon_

 _There's something 'bout this country that's a part of me and you._

 _We nosed her in by Pukaskwa, out for fifteen days,_

 _To set paddle and the spirit at the mercy of the waves._

 _The wanigans were loaded down and a gift left on the shore,_

 _For it's best if we surrender to the rugged northern shore._

 _In the land of the silver birch, cry of the loon,_

 _There's something in this country that's a part of me and you._

 _The waves smashed the smoky cliffs of Old Woman Bay,_

 _Where we fought against the backswell and then were on our way._

 _I would talk to you of spirits - by the vision pits we saw them_

 _Walk the agate beaches of the mighty Gargantua._

 _In the land of the silver birch, cry of the loon_

 _There's something 'bout this country that's a part of me and you._

 _I've turned my back upon these things, tried to deny_

 _The coastline of my dreams, but it turns me by and by._

 _It tossed the mighty ship around, smashed the lighthouse door,_

 _Sent shivers up my spine, oh the rugged northern shore._

 _In the land of the silver birch, cry of the loon_

 _There's something 'bout this country that's a part of me and you._

 _Oh the land of the silver birch, cry of the loon_

 _There's something 'bout this country that's a part of me and you._

 _No matter where I go to, it's always home again_

 _To the rugged northern shore and the days of sun and wind._

I stop singing. My eyes lift from the fire, where they had been fixed throughout the song. I feel wetness on my cheeks and it occurs to me that at some point during the song I started crying. "Huh." I comment softly, wiping my eyes on my sleeve. "That's weird, I've never even been to the places this song is about."

I look to the others. Sumia has her gaze fixed on me, teary-eyed as well. Miriel stares at the floor, having put her book down in the middle of the song. Robin looks to the fire, expression unreadable.

"It's still your home." Sumia replies shakily. "It may not be a place you've gone to, but it still reminds you of home."

"Yeah." I choke out. "I guess it does."

"Your voice has a fascinating quality." Miriel says thoughtfully. "The words of the song remind me nothing of my home, and yet the emotion in your singing can be clearly felt. It merits further study. I would hear you sing again, if you do not mind?"

"I'd be happy to. Just… not tonight." I take another unsteady breath. "That took a lot out of me."

"Understandable." She gives me a soft smile. "When it is next convenient for you then."

I smile appreciatively at her. Miriel and I have been working together several times a week for the past few months, but this is one of the few times we've communicated outside of business, for lack of a better word. It's a side of her that the games rarely, if ever show, but Miriel does much more to her than intellectual superiority and rampant curiosity. Hell, in the games she's barely identifiable as human. Here, she is every bit the curious intellectual, but no less a good friend.

Speaking of friends…

"You alright, Robin?" I look over to him in worry. He still hasn't moved a muscle since I finished singing.

"I think I understand a little better now." Robin replies softly.

"What?" I turn to Sumia and she shares a look of confusion with me. "What do you understand?"

Robin seems to jump, and looks up to me blankly. "Oh! Sorry, it's nothing."

"You sure?" I frown. "You know if something's bothering you, you can talk about it. We're all friends here."

"Oh yes, if you're troubled I would be happy to help you!" Sumia chimes in.

"There is no problem I cannot solve. Surely we can be of assistance." Miriel adjusts her glasses and gives a dignified nod.

Robin chuckles and waves his hands in a calming gesture. "I appreciate it everyone, really. But I swear, I'm fine. Promise. Just… tired, I think. Probably time I turned in." He gets up, stashes his book in his bag, and moves to his sleeping mat. Sumia shoots me a pleading glance, but I can only shrug helplessly. If he won't talk to me, that's it as far as I'm concerned. I have no way of coercing him if he's not willing to speak up.

With Robin gone a silence settles back over the rest of us. We settle back in around the fire, until Sumia decides to go to sleep as well. Miriel follows shortly after. And I take that as my cue to relieve Virion for watch.

"You have an excellent singing voice." He says as I reach the rooftop.

"Oh, you heard?" I blink in surprise. "Thought I was being quieter than that."

"It is a quiet night, my friend." Virion smiles, claps me on the arm and heads for the stairs. "Certainly not noisy enough to drown out the laments of one whose heart cries out as my own. The feeling of homesickness is one we both share, Ben."

"You're right." I chuckle bitterly. "I guess that's why we get along so well, huh?"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Virion turns back emphatically. "Our friendship is based on much more than that."

"Uhh, shit." I blink in surprise. "Sorry man, didn't mean to imply-"

Virion chuckles, cutting me off. "It is quite alright, my good man. You are correct that the empathy we feel strengthens our bonds as brothers in arms. I would ask though, that you remember there is more to it than that."

"Wouldn't dream of forgetting." I grin. "So I guess you can rest easy for tonight."

"I will certainly do so." Virion replies. "Good night, my friend."

The night is shrouded in clouds, but moonlight shines through enough that I can see far in all directions. Much like Virion said, all is silent until the time comes for Sully to relieve me.

I descend back into the room and head for my mat. The room is quiet, save for the sound of sleeping Shepherds. I pause as I settle in and look over to where Severa is laying. The girl is perfectly still, which draws a smirk from me.

"You know, if you're pretending to be asleep you shouldn't hold your breath like that."

Severa twitches, but otherwise doesn't move. I do see her blanket start to move with her breathing though, and chuckle at the sight.

"See, that's more like it." I lie down on my mat and sigh. "I suppose you've been awake this whole time then. You heard me sing?"

No response from her. I shrug and finish settling in. "Well, I guess it's fine either way. You already understand what it's like to long for your home. Don't need me to explain it."

I lay still, feeling sleep come quickly to claim me. And when I hear Severa's soft reply of "I get it," I don't comment on it.

There's nothing I can say, really. Severa understands that I long for home.

And I understand that to her, I'm a part of the home she's longing for.

* * *

 **God damn did this take a lot of editing. Seriously, I think I deleted a good six pages worth of stuff due to it just... sucking. But hey,** **we finally have our first song in the story Whispers and Songs! How about that, huh? Only took nine chapters.**

 **So, I owe everyone an apology for taking three fucking weeks to post this. Been having some difficult family stuff to deal with, and it's definitely sapped much of my time and enthusiasm towards writing. Hopefully this was worth the wait. I don't think the next chapter will take as long, though I'll probably be distracted when KH3 comes out in a couple days.**

 **Here's the part where I remind you all that reviews are definitely the best way to keep me motivated to write stuff.**

 **Anyways, next chapter, The Farfort! I know, we're actually going straight from one game chapter to the next, it's super weird! See you then!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey all, been a few weeks. All in all I think I did alright for time, considering one of those two weeks was spent literally just playing Kingdom Hearts 3. Great game, would strongly recommend to any fans of the series.**

 **Anyways, here you go!**

* * *

I remember, once upon a time, on a planet called Earth, some science dude once told the world that time is relative.

Well this science guy must have been a regular Einstein, because I am noticing a serious discrepancy between my perception of time in this world and that of my home.

Which is to say: I'm pretty fucking sure the journey to Regna Ferox didn't take TWO FUCKING WEEKS in the game.

"I thought I was getting to be in pretty decent shape, but I guess I was mistaken." I sigh, plodding along and trying to ignore the burning pain of this obscenely long march.

"Oh come now, it's not that bad." Sumia laughs as she walks beside me.

"Easy for you to say, you rode in the cart for the first two days." I glare at her, but we both know there's no real venom in it.

"If my sister can manage it I'm sure you'll be fine." Chrom chuckles.

"Your sister's riding in the cart right now!"

"I'm sorry Ben, I can't hear you over how well rested I am!" Lissa gives me a dopey grin from her perch up ahead of me.

"You know Lissa, that was intended to be Sumia's seat." Chrom gives her a look, which Lissa responds to by flattening against the cart and clinging to the floor. For a brief moment the action reminds me of my sister, and I half expect Lissa to start hissing like a cat the way she would.

"Well, it's not like I'm using it." Sumia replies with a giggle. "After all, I have to look after my new friend, don't I? Yes I do!"

"And there she goes again." I sigh, looking to Chrom and rolling my eyes with a smirk.

"I can honestly say I'm too thrilled to see them getting along to be particularly fussed about the silly talk." Chrom beams.

"Understandable." The two of us look over to Sumia as she pampers her newly befriended Pegasus, completely lost in her own world.

The Pegasus was discovered on our third day of travel, and immediately took a liking to Sumia despite being half starved and terribly injured. The games say she has a way with animals, but I feel like it's more accurate to say she's some sort of Disney princess the way they flock to her.

Unfortunately for us, it still cost a day's travel for Sumia to have her new friend ready for the trip north. Unlike in the games, Chrom had no intention of leaving Sumia to tend to the Pegasus alone, and leaving her with a guard would make it all but impossible for her to catch up. Since the last Risen encounter our formation has tightened considerably.

I might have had something to do with that. There was lengthy ranting to Chrom and Robin on the impracticality of letting people trail as far back as Miriel did. Thankfully Robin took my side immediately, and Chrom agreed more discipline was needed. Frederick looked ready to dance a jig when we told him the news.

Of course, this lead to Frederick working us twice as hard after we lost time getting Sumia's Pegasus sorted out. A difficult pace that he has maintained ever since.

"How far off are we from the border anyways?" I ask, looking to Chrom.

"Yeah Chrom, are we there yet?" Lissa echoes, and my gaze flicks to her grumpily. Way to translate my perfectly valid question into whiny child language Lissa, thanks for that.

"I'd have to double check with Frederick and Robin to say for sure, but…" Chrom checks the sun's position and muses. "I think we're only a few days away."

"Sounds like we're doing alright for pace now then." I nod thoughtfully.

"I believe we're back on track, yes." Chrom replies.

"So we should start to take it easier then." I declare.

"That would rather defeat the purpose of working so hard to catch up, wouldn't it?" Chrom gives me a bemused look.

"Normally you'd be right, but there's something I believe you've forgotten." I give Chrom a serious look. "We're very likely to get into a fight at the border."

"Ah." Chrom blinks at that, taken aback, but recovers quickly. "Well I admit the track record of the Feroxi border guard did slip my mind. But Robin is helping Frederick determine our pace, and we both know Robin wouldn't forget such a thing."

"Damn." I snap my fingers and sigh dramatically. "Well it was worth a shot."

"A valiant effort indeed." Chrom chuckles, before looking back up to the sky thoughtfully. "Though we may do well to camp early tonight anyways, just in case. The weather's turning."

The weather Chrom sees coming turns out to be a sudden freak snowstorm. It starts to come down as we make camp for the night, and sends the Shepherds into a flurry of activity.

Tents are made in a hurry, then torn down and reset even quicker when I notice many of the trees in the area haven't lost their leaves yet. Living in Canada gives you good experience as to what can happen when snow comes early in the year. I've seen trees collapsed because they took more snow than they could happen, and when I relay that to the group they move camp entirely, settling near some pine trees further off the road.

As a general rule tents in the Shepherds are shared between pairs, but with the cold weather setting in it's decided that people will have to group up further. The tent that Virion and I normally share is cramped with Robin also squeezing in, but it keeps the accommodations relatively warm, which is far more important. The animals are bundled in blankets and sheltered under the trees, and Frederick frantically gathers a surplus of firewood to last us the rest of the trip, with some assistance from myself.

The end result of this is a great deal of exhaustion on my part, as I drag myself through the snow and am bustled into my tent by Robin.

"Hasn't really started to pile up yet, but it won't be long now." I report to Robin as I crawl to my corner and bundle up in my blankets. "Hopefully it won't be too much; if it really piles up our wagon could be screwed."

"We're far along enough that it shouldn't be an issue." Robin replies grimly. "It won't be easy, but with the Longfort only two days away we'll make it. The snow won't last this early in the year anyways."

"Which will mean mud instead." Virion glances towards his feet and grimaces. "I shall be weeping bitter tears for my departed footwear before long."

"Glad I don't have that to worry about." I glance down at my work boots gratefully. "These were pretty new when I got sent here, so I should be fine for years to come."

"For your sake I hope so, my friend." Virion chuckles. "I have little doubt the cobblers of our world wouldn't know what to do with those.

"No kidding." I look my other clothing over and frown. These clothes are the only physical thing left of my old life. If something were to happen to them I don't think I'd take it well. I wonder how long I'll be able to keep it all intact for. Did the alternate future me still have his jacket when he disappeared?

"Are you sure that will be enough for you Ben?" Robin looks over in concern as he settles in. "those clothes don't seem like much for this weather."

I bark out a laugh at that. "Robin, believe me when I say: to a Canadian, a bit of snowfall like this is laughable."

I wake the next morning to two things. The sound of a crashing tree, and the glare of a panicking Robin.

"That's the third one this morning!" He hisses, curled up in the middle of the tent in a cocoon of blankets. He turns to Virion in a furious panic. "How is he sleeping through this?"

"Virion will sleep through anything." I state casually, as I start dressing myself in my corner of the tent. "Any damage to our supplies?"

"I don't know, I haven't left yet." Robin replies, looking aside.

"You…" I pause to pull my sweater on. "Sorry, you've heard three trees fall and you haven't left the tent? That's not like you."

"In this cold? I'm not moving until I absolutely have to." Robin mutters.

"Robin, it's absolutely stuffy in here, you're mental." I shake my head in bewilderment, pulling my boots on and slinging my coat over my arm. "I'll go see what it looks like outside."

I hear him squawk frantically as I open the tent and can't help but chuckle. I know he's from a desert country, but his aversion to the cold still seems absurd to me. Then again I'm decidedly biased on the matter.

The air outside is cool enough that I pull my jacket on just to be safe, but there's really no danger. It feels more like the average autumn back home. And looks…

Honestly it's an impressive bit of work for one night's snowfall considering how early in the year it is. There's a nice layer of the stuff over almost everything, a little more than ankle deep. The tents were all properly canvassed, so the snow has slid off them, along with the evergreen trees. The rest of the world, for now at least, is a pristine white.

"Good morning Ben." Frederick calls to me from across the camp. "Have you also come to inspect the damages?"

"Yeah, figure I should get a report for Robin since the wuss won't leave his tent." I chuckle. "The poor guy does not deal with the cold well."

"Is that so?" Frederick eyes my tent thoughtfully, before turning his attention back towards the forest surrounding us. "Well, I think we can safely say that the fallen trees are far enough away from camp to not be an issue. Your advice last night has proven to be sound."

"Good to hear." I nod and look over to the only fallen tree I can see, about 50 meters away. "It's not something you see too often, even where I'm from, but when the snow comes faster than the trees can prepare for things tend to get ugly fast."

"I admit, it's not something I've ever seen happen in Ylisse." Frederick nods thoughtfully.

"Only seen it once in Canada, myself." I think back on that particularly disastrous snowstorm and wince. "Usually Mother Nature has a talent for getting out of the way before the snow starts, but sometimes she's a little slow on the uptake."

"Indeed, this has been an enlightening experience. A true meteorological anomaly." I jump in shock as I realize Miriel has come up behind me again.

"Christ Miriel, we've talked about this!" I whirl around in surprise and very nearly land on my ass in the snow. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Apologies. It would seem the snow has produced a dampening effect on the snow, which masked my approach." She crouches to the ground and prods at the snow. "I did not account for such an effect. How fascinating!"

"It would seem I shall have to devise a training plan for your senses, Ben." Frederick chuckles, "Perhaps I shall have a word with Kellam about it."

"Indeed, his talent for escaping perception is quite exceptional!" Miriel nods along in excitement. "I have performed several studies on the topic."

"Oh, it's nothing special really."

"AH!" This time when I jump, Frederick and Miriel join me. "Kellam, when did you get there?!"

"I've been here the whole time!" Kellam looks at the three of us in confusion. "I'm… I'm wearing orange!"

Miriel scrabbles for a notebook and starts writing at a furious pace. I look to Frederick and shrug helplessly. He can only shrug in return.

"Well as long as you're up, I'll get you and Ben to clear a spot for a fire pit. I will check on the horses and our cart."

By the time Kellam and I are finished clearing snow and setting the fire Robin has finally emerged, albeit reluctantly, and sits as close to the flames as he safely can. He's followed by Donnel and Sully, who both seem to have slept in more than usual. Stahl, Chrom, and Vaike all emerge from their tent together, the latter two wasting no time in dismantling their tent while Stahl helps cook breakfast. The smell seems to draw Lissa and Severa from their tent, the two dragging a still dozy Sumia between them. By the time Virion emerges from his tent breakfast is all but finished, and we pack up camp while he polishes off the last of the dried fruit and rabbit set aside for the morning.

Reaching the road again proves to be difficult, mostly due to the difficulty of dragging the cart through the snow over rough terrain. We had to move a fair distance from the road to remain safe from the trees, one of which fell over the best path back. While not especially large, the fact that the damn thing is weighed down by leaves and snow means that Vaike and I have to take our axes to it before we can move the pieces.

Of course, even once we reach the road, the snow and mud makes for poor conditions as well, and we have to reduce our pace accordingly. The horses pulling our cart struggle enough that we're forced to split some of the load between the Shepherds.

It starts snowing again a little after midday, though not nearly as heavily as the night before. This seems to inspire Lissa, who decides to make use of all the snow lying around by pelting me in the back of the head with a snowball. Of course, being the rational adult that I am, I decide the appropriate thing to do is to show her just what happens when you challenge a Canadian to a snowball fight. By the time things calm down we've dragged Sully, Chrom, Stahl, Donnel, Sumia, and even Vaike into the nonsense.

And so our least productive day ended with morale higher than it had been in days. Lissa certainly has a talent for lightening the mood, even if she doesn't recognize it herself.

The light snowfall continues all throughout the night and shows no sign of stopping well into the next day, hindering our progress still further. It feels like we're progressing at a snail's pace, and I find myself wondering just how many days this weather will delay us.

And then, just as the sky begins to grow dark, and I resign myself to another night camping out in the snow, we round a bend in the road and see it.

The Longfort is a mind-boggling work of architecture, in many senses. It stands as tall as the walls of a castle, despite being relatively in the middle of nowhere, and stretches farther than the eye can see in either direction.

It's also horrendously impractical as a fortress by all rights, due to the twin staircases leading to the top of the wall on either side of the massive gate. It's something I'd never really thought about in the game, but it seems a ridiculous design considering the purpose of the fort is to keep people out of the country.

Robin notes my questioning glance and nods along. "Apparently the Feroxi people seized this wall from Ylisse ages ago. They seem to have never seen the point in rebuilding accordingly."

"You'd think reclaiming it would be easy with that being the case." I frown thoughtfully. "Such easy access to the wall top is pretty damn counterintuitive."

"Consider that a testament to the strength of the Feroxi people." Frederick replies, riding up alongside us. "Reaching the top of the wall is an easy matter, but once you reach that point you are forced to fight with the Feroxi face to face. There are no circumstances better suited to them." He nods grimly.

"Their soldiers are that good, huh?" I stare up at the wall with trepidation.

"It is no exaggeration to say that their strength in a fight is the greatest in the world." Frederick nods. "The Feroxi are disciplined and strong warriors, as is suitable given the state of their land. They lack horses, wyverns, and Pegasi, but their foot soldiers are strong enough to easily counter this shortcoming."

"No mounted units at all?" I frown as I think back to the games. There's only really one point where you see Feroxi units, and it's right here. Hard to get a feel for the shape of their entire army just from that.

"Well, they do have their Griffons, but those are such useful animals that the Feroxi don't often use them in combat." Robin replies. "There's no animal better for transport. They don't have the savagery of a Wyvern or the agility of a Pegasus, but Griffons are unmatched in endurance."

"Ooh, I'd love to see one!" I grin. When I was a kid I always had a soft spot for Griffons. Hope I'm not allergic to their cat butts.

"With luck you'll have your chance soon. Once we've arranged our entry with the border guard we can enter and finally get some proper rest. You'll have time to look around then."

"Assuming they let us in." Robin sighs, advancing to the front with Frederick. "We mustn't forget the incident that forced Chrom to come here in person."

"Believe me, it has not left my mind for so much as a second." Frederick chuckles mirthlessly.

The three of us reach the front of the line, where Chrom and Sumia are waiting. From there Chrom leads Frederick and Robin forward to talk with the border guard, while Sumia and I hold back with the other Shepherds.

"Can't wait to sleep in a warm bed." Severa groans as she walks up beside me. "I am so done with all this walking."

"Couldn't agree more." I nod grimly. "Let's just hope we don't have to kick the guard's ass to get in."

Severa pauses at my tone, then takes in my facial expression. Wordlessly, she draws her sword and starts checking the edge.

"You really think there will be trouble?" Sumia asks worriedly.

"With how many people Ylisse has already lost to this place? I wouldn't be at all surprised if things went south in a hurry." I nod, then turn to Sumia, keeping my voice casual as I ask, "By the way, how's your Pegasus doing?"

Sumia looks at me nervously, then turns back to the wall top bristling with spears, and the three Shepherds facing them. She clicks her tongue and mounts her Pegasus in a heartbeat, eying the wall anxiously.

I can't help but hold my breath as well. Despite knowing how this scene is meant to play out, the nerves are creeping up on me. If something goes wrong and Chrom is killed here, it will force Ylisse into a war with Regna Ferox. The result would be a war on two fronts, which would inevitably end in the country's downfall.

And the only one who can prevent that is Sumia. Sumia, who is not even slightly experienced in real combat, and hasn't so much as ridden a Pegasus in over a year. Sumia, who is suffering from horrible self-doubt and has lived in fear ever since the death of her last Pegasus.

Then the spears are flying and Sumia is just _gone_ and I remember that this is the same girl who can inspire terror in people for simply arguing at the breakfast table.

"Naga!" I hear Severa gasp in amazement as Sumia sweeps Chrom off his feet in a blur of movement.

"All that effort convincing Chrom she was ready for this, and I went and forgot it myself for a minute." I mutter, gazing up in admiration as Sumia descends with her prince in tow.

"WHOOHOO! GO SUMIA!" Lissa shrieks in excitement.

"Uhh guys, what about Frederick and Robin?" Donnel asks timidly.

…

"Oh."

The chorus seems to ring out amongst the assembled Shepherds, as our gaze shifts back to ground level. Where we see Frederick sprinting towards us at top speed, with Robin slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"That is… decidedly less gallant." Virion comments. I can't help but nod in agreement.

Frederick decides to punctuate this by slipping in the snow as he approaches, crashing to the ground with a loud clattering of armor, which sends Robin flying. The tactician lands on his back and slides to a stop at my feet, staring blankly into the sky.

"I'll kill them." He mutters quietly. "Those stupid, stubborn assholes."

"HAHAHAHA! MAYBE YOU'LL THINK TWICE NOW BEFORE TRYING TO LIE YOUR WAY INTO REGNA FEROX, PLEGIAN SCUM!" A voice bellows from the walltops. "GO RUN BACK TO YOUR MANIAC KING AND TELL THEM RAIMI SENT YOU!"

"I'll kill them all." Robin repeats. I magnanimously choose not to comment on the way his breath hitches as he says this.

"Bloody hell Chrom, what did you say to her?" Sully whistles admiringly. "You've always been shit at talking to women, but that must be some kind of record for pissing them off!"

"Very funny." Chrom replies, jumping down from Sumia's Pegasus. "It would seem we've discovered the identity of the mysterious third party that was involved in the deaths of our last envoy. Plegia has been sending soldiers to attack the border disguised as Ylissean soldiers."

"A ploy to delay or halt any alliance between Ylisse and Regna Ferox." I nod thoughtfully, as though I wasn't expecting the news. "One that's been dreadfully effective already. They've cost us months at least."

"Your grasp of the situation is as solid as ever." Frederick compliments as he staggers over. I nod in thanks and pointedly ignore the look Severa is giving me.

"So what do we do now?" Stahl asks nervously, looking up to the wall.

"We take the damn wall from them." Robin snarls, getting to his feet and hurriedly slapping the snow off of his coat. "They want us to prove we're the real deal? We'll knock them silly until we can shove Chrom's birthmark in their face and prove he's the real deal! And then I'll take Raimi's room and sleep like a damn king!"

There's a moment of silence as everyone looks Robin over in surprise.

"You get real pissy when the weather gets cold, you know that?" I remark.

"Don't like it? Then get me to a damn fireplace." Robin snaps irritably. "And on that note, here's the plan."

His plan's pretty simple, really. While Raimi hardly seems to be a slouch in the combat department, her chance of dealing with Chrom is practically non-existent. Even more so if he's got backup. And we have a newly proven Pegasus who can move at like, Mach four. So if we can just draw the wall guards away from their commander, Sumia and Chrom should be able to disable her easily.

So as Frederick and Robin each lead a group to the doors on either side of the gate, the power couple will prep themselves for a surgical strike on Raimi.

Robin takes Severa, Kellam, Stahl, Donnel, Virion and myself. Frederick takes Sully, Vaike, Miriel, and Lissa. Each team has a magic caster and an axe to bust the doors in, and Lissa is on team Frederick to make up for the number disparity. The groups are both strong enough to pose a threat to the team with the arrangement, which means they'll need to reinforce both doors.

"We can't take the risk that this fight will harm our chances at brokering an alliance with Regna Ferox. Be careful not to kill your opponents." Chrom orders us as we leave. I glance down at the axe at my hip and frown. Guess I'll have to hit them with the blunt side of it then? Shit this is going to be tough. Weird as it sounds, it's way harder to not kill and opponent than to kill one. Like, killing people is what our tools are made for.

Well, I'll figure it out. For now we have to focus on getting through the doors first. The stairs leading up to the wall are wide enough to allow a much larger group than ours to comfortably ascend, being originally designed to allow large scale reinforcements in the case of a siege. But it looks like the Feroxi haven't left the fort completely unaltered, like we first thought.

There's evidence of a short wall once running along the stairs, to prevent falling off the sides. But that wall has been chipped away until it's little more than a mess of damaged stone. One wrong step could send you tumbling off the side. And what's more dangerous…

"They've iced it!" I call out in alarm as I note the tell-tale sheen on the stone. My hands dart forward a moment later, bracing Kellam as his metal shoes hit the stairs and nearly go sideways.

"Damn, of course it wouldn't be that easy!" Robin snarls irritably, moving next to me and pulling out his tome. "Kellam, Stahl, be ready with your shield!"

Progress is slow from there, as we melt the ice away and climb through a hail of javelins and arrows. Kellam and Stahl take the brunt of the assault on their armor, with no way of stopping them until we've reached the top. Virion's attempts at covering fire prove fruitless when he realizes that he can't clearly shoot at anything without killing the attackers.

As we near the top the attacks become less frequent, but stronger in intensity. They have fewer angles, and by the desperate way they strike at us they know we'll be on the wall before long. Stahl and Kellam split near the top to cover our sides, and the rest of us hunker between them frantically, as Robin turns his fire on the door itself, burning away the door around the lock and hinges. He nods to me, and I start furiously hacking at the charred wood, tearing down the door at the most vital points. Then, with Donnel and Severa bracing me, I aim a few well-placed kicks.

The door is taken most of the way off, and Stahl, Kellam and I rush it as one, tearing it away and sending it flying with our combined strength. The solid piece of wood is sent into the mass of soldiers on the other side, knocking them about like bowling pins, and our defensive line re-establishes itself using the stone door frame as further cover. Then Robin and Severa rush in, and start tearing through the enemy.

At this point in time I feel confident in saying that Severa is the most dangerous soldier in the Shepherds. The girl grew up with a lifetime of combat, and while she lacks Chrom's strength she more than makes up for it with skill and experience. Her strikes are perfectly aimed to disable the limbs of any Feroxi in sight, rendering their arms bloody and useless with swift blows.

Robin on the other hand, uses wind magic to simply blow them away. If Severa is a scalpel, he takes the role of a bulldozer, pushing the enemy into each other and using the relatively narrow wall against them. Once the two make a proper entrance the rest of us follow, pushing our way in and sowing chaos amongst the Feroxi. Stahl and Kellam take up the vanguard and present our opponents with a wall of armor, and Virion's hands are a blur as he starts picking off the archers in the back with absurd ease. Donnel and I, knowing our abilities to be inadequate for such a brawl, stay further back, knocking the heads of anyone left in the wake of our comrades.

"Hold out!" Robin calls out. "We only have to hang on until the other group has their commander! Endure it for a little while longer!" He grimaces as he narrowly avoids a spear thrust to the gut.

I grimace as the truth of the situation quickly becomes clear. There's too many for us to handle, especially without killing, and as Frederick said earlier, the Feroxi are no slouches when it comes to infantry combat. Our momentum is slowed quickly, even as the arrows stop flying and Robin knocks them about. Stahl and Kellam, while both capable fighters, are being battered about by a storm of spears and axes, and Severa is tiring quickly as she dodges about. In the back I can see more guards approaching, and beyond that a similar situation as Frederick pushes the opposing side.

I barely see Sumia make her move, and even then it's only because Chrom's darker colors stand out against the snow. The sight makes me grin, though I keep my mouth shut, not wanting to draw attention to the two.

My grin fades quickly as several more soldiers manage to break through our line at once, and split up to engage with Virion, Donnel and I. For a brief moment I see Severa look back in worry, but she's fighting two knights and a fighter, and can't afford to help.

A large man with an axe, two swordsmen, and a knight all approach. The axe user rushes Donnel, one of the swordsmen approaches Virion, and the other two go for me. I guess I'm the most threatening looking of the three. Hoorah.

My vision is quickly filled with steel as the knight bears down on me, swinging his lance like a club. I throw myself backwards and manage to barely escape getting swatted off the wall, but the swordsman is able to catch up to me with little trouble. He swings wildly at me, forcing me on the defensive.

In terms of skill I can't hold up to this guy, and without an opening to hit back I can't outmuscle him either. His sword isn't particularly powerful, but it's plenty fast. Still, even if I can't find an opening, there's got to be a way to make one.

After a few brutal seconds of guarding an idea comes to me. The next time he swings at me I abandon my footing and collapse backwards to the ground. The guy stumbles a bit as he overreaches, but recovers quickly and swings low. He pauses abruptly when he realizes I've dragged one of the unconscious Feroxi soldiers over to guard me.

I hold my hostage in one hand, shifting him around as my opponent tries to find an opening. Then, when I see him move closer to try to stab around his ally, I make my move.

This one I have Miriel to thank for. She's been pushing me with magic for two months now, even though I have some serious trouble using it properly. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't even think to carry my spellbook around, let alone use the damn thing. It's not good for much, my output being as limited as it is, but in certain very specific situations I suppose it can be a good thing to have.

For example: if you have to attack an enemy up close but can't use your weapon, a jolt of electricity can be very useful. When I cast the basic thunder spell it fizzles out immediately upon leaving my hand, but when the enemy is within arm's reach…

My right hand moves from the hostage to grab the swordsman's ankle as my left flips to the first page of my spellbook. A burst of electricity forms in my hand, and immediately the swordsman spasms as my spell is directly transferred into his leg. He practically flies backwards out of my hand, crashing into the knight and knocking them both backwards, and I rise to my feet ready to finish them-

"Somebody! Oh gods, help!"

I whirl around in alarm. I recognize that voice.

 _Donnel!_

The boy looks frantic as he stumbles backwards, his spear smashed to pieces. His opponent looks injured, but not nearly enough. Donnel is seconds away from death. My mind goes into overdrive.

Somebody has to help him, but- Where's the knight?! Still recovering, but he'll be on me again soon, no time to- Robin! He can, no, wait, he sees Donnel, but he can't leave the front line or everything will collapse, the others are barely holding on. What's going on with Raimi? She looks worn down, but Chrom and Sumia won't finish her in time! The knight's almost on me again, but Donnel- and what about Virion? He's just finished off his opponent using a guard's sword, maybe he can shoot- no, his bow's been cleaved in two, and he's further from Donnel than I am!

Virion's mind works faster than mine, apparently. As I panic, he rushes the knight, catching my eye as he does so. "GO!" He snaps frantically, distracting the heavily armored man and leaving me free.

I turn to Donnel again and my eyes widen in shock. I'm not going to make it. Donnel's fallen to the ground, and has his back to the wall. His spear handle lies just out of reach, and his right arm looks broken. His left arm is raised, a vain attempt to stop the fighter's axe, which is poised high in the air. Tears run down his face, and I see his lips move; he's crying for his mother.

I don't know what to do. I can't reach him.

I throw my axe.

It shouldn't work. I can't stress this enough, the move has absolutely no fucking business working. My battle axe is not a throwing weapon, it's not designed for it. What happens is absolutely one in a million bullshit levels of luck. My axe, being thrown far faster than I can run, reaches the fighter just as he brings his axe down.

The fighter isn't wearing a helmet (pretty sure Donnel knocked it off), and takes the hit to the back of his skull. His arm spasms, diverting an inch away from Donnel's skull. The fighter sways for a brief moment, his axe held rustling Donnel's curly hair. Then he falls over dead.

Donnel stares blankly into the air, eyes still fixed on where the axe stopped. He blinks once, then faints.

I stare blankly at the two of them, unable to believe that worked. A gasp of air, more a sob than anything, bursts from my chest. The relief hits me like a truck, and I feel unsteady, barely able to stand.

"YOU BASTARD!"

I turn around in surprise and that's when the swordsman I electrocuted hits me.

The two of us crash to the ground in a heap, the man's weight slamming me head first onto cold stone. He screams wordlessly at me, raising his sword into the air. I blink my eyes dazedly, and throw a sloppy punch. He doesn't so much as flinch, and brings the sword down.

I grab it. First with my left hand, then with my right.

My hands start oozing blood immediately, but I barely stop the blade, even as its point rests against my chest. The man screams again, grabs the hilt of his sword in both hands, and pushes down harder.

My hands tighten. Adrenaline dulls my pain, even as the point of the sword digs its way through my sweater. I can't keep this up. But if I don't I'll die. My hands tighten further, and I feel the blade scrape against bone. My body is going well beyond normal limits in an attempt to keep me fighting. Red blossoms on my chest as the sword breaks the skin. Then it stops. He's hit a rib. He pushes, but my attack earlier left him weakened. I hold his sword too steadily for him to reposition, and he's not nearly strong enough to break my ribs.

The man snarls in frustration, pushing his sword aside, and knocking it out of my hands. His hands find my throat instead, and he starts to strangle the life out of me. I try to break his grip, but squeezing the sword blade has fucked my hands up so badly that they don't have the strength. I try to push him away, but he doesn't budge. My mouth gapes, my throat too constricted for me to even cough. My vision darkens.

Then suddenly, the pressure eases. The man looks back, his expression shocked. His hands flop loosely at his sides, no longer crushing my windpipe. I inhale greedily, choking on air, even as my hands move desperately. I won't sit idly by, even if he's not trying to kill me anymore.

When the man turns back to me, a confused expression on his face, I swing my hunting knife into his throat. His eyes bulge as I rip the knife out, leaving his neck a bloody mess. He brings his hands to the wound, desperately trying to hold the blood in, but it's literally pouring out of him. I seem to have ripped right through his carotid artery. He gasps weakly, then collapses on top of me.

Mere seconds pass before the rapidly dying man is pulled off of me, but I get pretty thoroughly soaked in that time. When Virion looks down on me his expression is one of pure horror. Severa starts screaming for Lissa as I'm sat up, and I see plenty of shocked expressions.

"I- I'm o-" I burst into a coughing fit as my bruised throat protests. "I'm okay!" I manage.

"Hush now fool, don't think I didn't see how close to death you came." Virion scolds, opening my jacket and sweater and pulling them off. "This will jostle your hands, but we must get these off so Lissa can properly check your chest injury.

"Oh fuck." I whimper as the fabric drags across my cuts, then sob as my arms are repositioned so they can pull the shirt over them.

"It looks like part of your shirt has been pushed into your wound." Robin says, and I flinch as I only now notice he's also at my side. "Hold on, Lissa is almost here." Behind him I see several Feroxi step forward to check on the men I fought.

"Garth, Dean." A voice mutters. "He killed them both."

The ripple of angry muttering that courses through the nearby Feroxi is disrupted as Lissa pushes through them to reach me.

"Watch it, I'm pulling the shirt now." Virion tugs and I let out a screech of pain as I feel the fabric scratch against the hole in my chest. "Gods you were lucky, a little higher and he'd have had your heart."

"I don't see any stray threads in the wound." Robin observes, squinting at my chest.

"Get me some water just in case, I need to wash all this blood off anyways." Lissa orders sternly, taking Robin's place at my side. "Virion, put pressure on his hands, those are deep cuts."

"How is he?" I look up and see Chrom standing over me, Frederick close behind. The prince looks worried, but also angry. I blink in confusion and try to think of why, focusing my head past the pain.

"He'll live." Lissa replies. "I have to work fast though, or else he won't be able to use his hands properly anymore. And this damage I'm healing on his windpipe was severe."

"Gods." Chrom sighs, looking up into the sky.

Something finally clicks in my head. "Chrom," I croak out, only to stop as Lissa swats me on the arm.

"No more talking until I've fixed your windpipe!" She snaps, before focusing on her staff again. Another minute passes, during which time the injured Feroxi are brought aside and tended to by their own healers. There's a little over a dozen of them in total. Weird. Felt like so many more than that when we were fighting them.

Finally, Lissa gives me the all clear, and takes a water skin from a waiting Robin so she can clean my chest wound. Good, it would be rough if I got infected or something.

I look back up to Chrom again now that my throat is healed, and manage to sound much clearer this time. "I broke your rule Chrom. Killed them."

"You did." Chrom sighs, looking down at me wearily.

"Sorry."

"Are you really?" Frederick asks, looking down on me with an inscrutable expression.

I think on the question for a moment, before sighing. "Not really, I guess. Kinda glad I managed it, honestly. Things got messy here."

"Not nearly as messy as they are about to be." Chrom grimaces. "I don't think you appreciate just how much trouble you just caused for me."

"Saved Donnel's life. No regrets." I shrug, before smiling sheepishly at a glaring Lissa. "Sorry, I'll behave."

"I don't dispute that." Chrom replies, before taking a knee and looking me in the eyes. "The problem comes from the second man."

"The guy who did this to me? You fucking with me?" I look at him incredulously.

"I don't dispute that you had reason to kill him either." Chrom sighs again, looking back towards the huddle of Feroxi soldiers, still glaring at me. "The problem is the timing."

"What?"

"By the time you killed him, I had already forced their commander to surrender." Chrom explains. "And that man, Dean, had stopped trying to kill you. Which means that by law you just killed a soldier who had already surrendered."

"What?" Lissa looks up from my hands in alarm, "You can't be serious Chrom, there's no way that counts, look at what that guy did to Ben!"

"You think I don't see that?" Chrom snaps back irritably. "I'm not blind, Lissa. But even if it's only a technicality this crime puts our mission in grave jeopardy." He looks me in the eye, expression grave. "This could make forging an alliance with Regna Ferox far more difficult."

"Is there anything we can do?" I ask nervously.

"We can beg the Khans of Regna Ferox for forgiveness." Chrom shrugs helplessly. "And pray they are understanding."

* * *

 **One of my better fight scenes, in my humble opinion. Such a shame I had to cut the brutal saga of the Shepherd Snowball Slam Jam to fit it in.**

 **Next time, expect a brief change in perspective.**


	11. Interlude 1

**Managed a quick update this time! Hooray!**

 **The update only happened this fast because my car broke down so I'm stuck at home right now! Boo!**

* * *

There is a saying I have heard of, one that comes from a world I have never known and can never visit: "Ignorance is Bliss."

I don't know who first said it, but I can't help but think that Ben had a point the first time he mentioned it to me. Life was a great deal simpler for me two months ago, but with each new thing I learn, each new experience I find to add to my limited repertoire, I feel the growing pressure of complications. Every fact is a new point to consider, a new piece in the game, and when I fail to account for a piece it leads to nothing good.

My short-sightedness cost Regna Ferox the lives of two soldiers. It also may very well have cost us our chance at an allegiance with the warrior nation. If things go poorly enough, it could also cost the life of one of my first friends.

Ever since the absolute disaster of a fight at the Longfort things amongst the Shepherds have been tense. The severity of our situation seems to have dealt a serious blow to morale here, and it's showing more and more as time passes. Lissa does not laugh as loud or often as she used to, Chrom's temper grows increasingly worse, and even Vaike, who dislikes Ben on the best of days, seems to hate the present situation.

And it all comes to a head here. The Shepherds have been led to Gelida Dominus, the largest city in Eastern Ferox, by Commander Raimi and a small group of her best men. Now that Chrom has proven his identity to the woman she's been nothing but accommodating, and our rooms in this city have been accommodating. The trip here was rather easy as well, the early snowfall finally melting away the day after our arrival in the country.

The air is still damnably cold (unless you're Ben, who is infuriatingly comfortable in it), but apparently this is nothing unusual this far north. Hearing Raimi declare this in that abrasive tone of hers does nothing to make me feel better though.

There is little that could improve my opinion of this situation, in all honesty.

"Robin, you look more nervous than I am, chill dude." Ben comments from my left, nudging me with an elbow.

I glare at him in response. "You seem awfully composed for somebody who claims to be nervous."

Ben lets out an uneasy giggle at that. "Man, I'm fucking petrified. Just… bullshitting my way through this."

"I would advise not attempting to 'bullshit' the Khan." Frederick speaks up from behind us. "The Khans of Regna Ferox may be proud warriors, but they are no less cunning for it. If you put on an act, they will see through it easily."

"That bodes well for me then." Ben grumbles. Lissa pats him comfortingly on the shoulder.

Chrom, the last member of our small group, glances back for a brief moment, but continues on without pause. He walks a distance ahead of us, being led by Raimi to the room where we are to meet with the Eastern Khan.

Chrom and Lissa attend the meeting as members of the Ylissean ruling family, Frederick and I attend for our roles as military leaders within The Shepherds, and Ben attends to be judged for his actions last week.

If I feel pressured right now, I can't imagine how he feels.

Finally, we reach our destination, a large room at the end of the hall that blasts us with blessedly warm air as Raimi opens the door. It looks to be a private study of sorts, though with less books and more… dead animals. The walls and floor of the room are all covered with furs, and the large fireplace taking up the far wall is adorned with antlers. No doubt the fur is what keeps this room so well insulated, I'll have to see if I can buy some before leaving.

The middle of the room has two couches, each flanking the fireplace, and a large armchair sits with its back to the fire. A low table is placed directly in the middle of the seats. Chrom looks towards Raimi, as though asking for permission to be seated, but Ben and Lissa have no such reservations, stalking past the rest of us and collapsing together on one of the couches.

"Oh my gosh, this is so comfortable!" Lissa gushes as she lays along the length of the seat.

"It's pretty good, yeah." Ben replies, sitting at the end, and immediately being readjusted by Lissa so she can rest her head on his leg. His only response is to raise an eyebrow and give her a bemused smile.

"Milady, this is hardly the proper time to act in such a manner!" Frederick cries in outrage.

"Well it's not like I can lie down like this once the Khan gets here!" Lissa waves her arm dismissively in the air. Ben snorts in response, his smile broadening, creeping across the left side of his face.

Chrom gives me a look, no doubt understanding what his sister is doing as well as I do. Her childish actions can be irritating at times to be sure (I have little love for her pranks), but when tensions are high they can be a godsend. Ben's silence has stopped being quite so brooding and sullen, and grown into something more comfortable, if only for the time being.

Frederick huffs, taking a seat in the middle of the other couch. Seeing nothing better to do, Chrom and I take our places on either side of him, and Raimi takes her leave to go fetch the Khan.

"She's still pretty pissed at me, huh?" Ben comments once the door closes.

"Was she?" I blink and look back to the door. "I didn't notice."

"Oh yeah, she hates my guts. Been glaring at me for days now." He grins fully as he looks back at me. "That woman scares the shit out of me, honestly."

"She has good reason to be mad." Chrom frowns. "You killed two of her men!"

Ben's grin drops as he looks over Chrom. "Yup." His expression grows hard.

"You know you're here to beg forgiveness from the Khan for killing those men, don't you?"

"That's certainly why you brought me." Ben growls, rolling his eyes.

There's a pregnant pause as Ben's words sink in. Lissa sits up from his lap and looks over at him nervously.

"Ben." Frederick says slowly, trembling with sudden rage. "Why is it exactly that you think you're here?"

"I'm here because you told me to be here." Ben replies. "I'm doing my job."

"Not out of a sense of moral obligation. Or a need to make amends for your actions."

Ben's eyes widen, and he goes deathly silent. He takes a deep breath. Then another. Lissa and I look at each other in alarm. The last time either of us saw Ben like this was when he first met Vaike, and we can't have him trying to make a hasty escape like he did then.

"I think this conversation had best be put off until later." Chrom says suddenly, putting a hand on Frederick's shoulder and sending him a look. "As long as Ben remembers to be as respectful to the Khan as he can we'll be fine."

Ben recognizes the warning tone in Chrom's voice and stiffens further, but manages a shaky nod. Chrom grimaces at the response. No doubt he was attempting to ease tensions there, but he's probably the only person who feels the pressure of the situation more than Ben does and it shows.

It's a testament to Ben's mental strength that he went this long without panicking. And by that logic, an even further testament to Chrom that he remains level-headed. I look around the room and find myself wondering if I should start panicking as well. Chrom and Ben are both stretched to breaking point, Lissa has her hands full trying to keep them from crossing that line, and I have no clue what I'm doing!

When did strategizing for a private militia of elite soldiers become so complicated? Life was so much simpler when we were just killing bandits. But now we're stuck in a huge political quagmire, one of my best friends is in huge trouble, and I can't stop thinking it's all my fault for putting him in this situation in the first place! If I'd just planned better Donnel wouldn't have been cornered like that, and we could have won that fight without accidentally committing a war crime!

"Guys, you need to knock it off!" Lissa snaps suddenly, surprising us all. "This isn't anybody's fault, it was just an accident, and we need to move past it! We're here to save Ylisse, and that's what we need to be focusing on."

I blink, and look over to Chrom and Frederick, who have equally astonished expressions on their faces. "Were we that obvious?"

"Uhh, yeah? You're boys, you're not complicated." Lissa scoffs and rolls her eyes. "All four of you are kicking yourselves."

"Not really." Ben snarls, expression fixed on the floor. "I don't regret anything I did."

"Excuse me?"

We all freeze, and not just because of the cold air I'm only now noticing creep across the room. I turn towards the door nervously and see Raimi standing in the frame, staring at Ben with absolute murder in her eyes.

Ben blinks, looks up in surprise, and flinches. "Awful quiet for all that armor, aren't you?"

Raimi rushes Ben before anyone can react, hauling him out of his seat and slamming his back onto the table. "You have a lot of nerve." She hisses furiously.

I scramble to my feet, ready to intervene, aware of the others doing the same beside me, but before we can take action something odd happens. Somebody starts laughing. It takes me far longer than it should to realize that Ben is the one doing it, but when I realize as much it's enough to shock me into stillness.

"Not really." Ben giggles hysterically. "Not much empathy either, I'm afraid." His giggling only increases when Raimi's punch bounces his head on the table. "Fine, fuck it, you're going to kill me? Go for it. Won't make you feel better and we both know it!" He breaks into full on crazed laughter when Raimi punches him again.

"Damn you! How dare you laugh in my face? After everything you did!" Raimi howls in frustration, shaking Ben even as two guards rush in and grab her. "You monster!"

"You're a fucking idiot!" Ben laughs. "A stupid bitch who picked a fight but can't handle losing. I killed those men to keep myself and Donnel alive. My actions were to keep the only people I give a FUCK about ALIVE. And all you had to do to keep your people alive was just. FUCKING. LISTEN!" He starts laughing more, and I feel my blood run cold at the tone of it.

He has a warm laugh, usually. Deep, full, laughter that shakes his whole body. It's also normally the only time he smiles fully, his usual expression being something closer to a smirk. Right now though, his laughter is sharp, cold, inhumane…

Inhumane really is the best word for it. The only word for it. I look at this man, one of my first friends amongst the Shepherds, as he laughs in Raimi's face. Laughs in the face of a woman who lost two men under her command to him. And I don't like or recognize what I see.

Then Raimi starts punching in earnest and the illusion is broken, it's my friend on the table, and I have to stop her-

Frederick's arm holds me back, and I turn to see him blocking Chrom as well. "Hold, you two. The situation is being handled." He says firmly, nodding towards the door as a dark-skinned woman in armor rushes in, accompanied by several guards. "We must not escalate this situation further."

The woman wastes no time, stepping forward and easily hauling Raimi, armor and all, off the table with one hand and tossing her towards the waiting guards, who secure her easily.

"Raimi, take a week off." The woman says quietly.

"No, wait boss, I can still-"

"One week. No more, no less. Consider it an order." She orders sternly, but not unkindly. "I want you at your best when you return."

"… Understood." Raimi replies bitterly, letting the guards escort her out. The door closes behind them, leaving us alone with the newcomer.

"Is he alright?" The woman asks, and I jolt in my seat as I realize I have no idea.

Thankfully Lissa is way ahead of the rest of us in that regard, having rushed forward with her staff the moment Raimi was gone. "He'll be alright." She says, in a tone that seems forcibly calm to me. "Nothing I can't fix." And it's true, he looks mostly fine, but I can see the telltale spatter of blood on the table and feel sick to my stomach. Something about the situation feels so much heavier than a normal battle.

"Good." The woman replies with a frown, turning towards Chrom. "Prince Chrom of Ylisse. My apologies for Raimi. She's very protective of her men, never takes it well when any of them die. This is probably the first time she hasn't been able to kill the guy responsible."

Chrom takes a moment to respond, still staring at Ben in shock, but recovers quickly. "Khan Flavia of Regna Ferox. I owe you an apology as well. This was not what I hoped to accomplish by bringing Ben here."

"Looking to beg for mercy?" Flavia smirks, before turning down to Ben. "Was that what you had in mind then? Wanted your soldier to cry for forgiveness?"

"Don't know what the fuck I'm doing here." Ben grumbles, finally over that disturbing laughing fit. He sits up, rubbing his head irritably.

"You _were_ brought here to apologize, Ben." Lissa sighs, "You killed their people."

"And if I didn't they'd have killed Donnel and me." Ben shoots back irritably. "I'm not sorry."

"You're saying that to my face?" Flavia raises an eyebrow.

"After the shit I just pulled? I'm not feeling too shy anymore." Ben sighs and looks Flavia in the eye. "As far as I'm concerned, those men had to die."

"That right?"

"Yes." Ben stands strong for another minute, before visibly deflating. "I will say however, that your men were the first people I ever killed that didn't deserve it."

The two meet each other's eye for what feels like an eternity. I can't help but feel like Ben's playing his own game right now, using his own strategy. If so, it's a game I don't think I'll be able to play any time soon. I don't think I want to either.

I think again on the way his expression twisted mere minutes earlier and feel that sick feeling in my gut deepen.

Finally, Flavia smirks. "Well it's good to know the guy who killed two of my men has some guts to him."

Then she punches Ben in the jaw.

I thought Chrom had a heavy punch, but Flavia makes him look weak in comparison. The blow carries Ben off the table and right into the couch, sending the furniture toppling and Lissa diving for cover.

Chrom freezes, Frederick jumps to his feet, and I furiously grab at my belt before remembering that I left my weapons back in my room. Across the table, Lissa flies to her feet and rushes around the toppled couch.

Flavia turns to us, an amused look on her face as she shakes her hand. "I'll let him off the hook with that, I think."

"Auuuugh." I relax at the groan that comes from behind the couch. If Ben is still conscious after that, then she can't have been trying to hurt him too badly. Which means I don't have any reason to start another diplomatic incident. As tempting as the idea may be right now.

"You'll…" Chrom looks over at Ben in bewilderment, then back at Flavia, then over to us. Frederick still hasn't taken his eyes off the Khan, clearly taken off guard by the sudden blow. I can only shrug, feeling further out of my depth by the second. "Wait, that's it? One punch and it's over?"

"Try fucking taking one and see if you still think it's nothing, asshole!" Ben slurs, only to be shushed sternly by Lissa.

"That's it." Flavia nods, ignoring Ben entirely. "At the end of the day, that fight was caused by Plegian bullshit and my men being over eager. They tried to kill your people and got killed in return. I'm pissed it came to this, but if I'm blaming anyone? I'm blaming the rat bastards who set my men up to kill your people. And make no mistake: you lost a great many men to my guards. Let's just say your man there evened the score."

"If we're even then why the FUCK did you punch me?" Ben bellows, hauling himself up using the couch as a crutch.

"Because you're an asshole." Flavia gives Ben an unimpressed look.

Ben opens his mouth to protest, before seemingly thinking better of it. "Okay fair." He sighs, before looking back to Chrom. "Can I go now?"

Chrom opens his mouth to reply, pauses, and looks questioningly to Flavia. Flavia snorts at the look and jerks her head towards the door. "Hell yeah, get him out of here."

"Thank you kindly." Ben replies, and I do believe that's the most sarcasm he's ever said that with before. He stalks towards the door, but pauses before leaving. He looks back to us, with an expression I'd describe less as conflicted and more as tortured. "I… uhh… look, I'm… sorry for being a fuckup, I guess." He leaves before any of us can think to respond.

Lissa looks between Ben and the rest of us for a few moments before declaring "I'd better keep an eye on him," and running out the door. I find myself wishing desperately I could join her. I don't want to leave Ben alone like that.

"And so the Princess of Ylisse vacates yet another diplomatic meeting." Frederick sighs. "Not that she's incorrect."

Flavia barks out a laugh at that, kicks the couch back into place, and takes a seat across from us. "Quite the interesting bunch, you Shepherds."

"I consider it to be one of our charms." Chrom replies absentmindedly, still staring at the door Ben and Lissa left through. Then suddenly, as though awakening from a trance, he shakes his head and turns back to face Flavia. "You're certain that this is enough to make amends between us?"

"What, you want me to execute him?" Flavia scowls. I tense again, but Frederick nudges me harshly with an elbow, reminding me to keep my cool. I take my time regaining my cool as the conversation continues. Just think of it as you would a battle, Robin! Those are easy!

Chrom reels back in his seat at the accusation. "Not at all! I simply-"

"Then take my advice, one leader to another. Drop it." Flavia replies firmly. "I may run the government around here, but I have no patience for letting legal bullshit get in the way of common sense. It was a fight. People die in fights. There isn't a soldier in all of Regna Ferox who doesn't know this."

"I thank you for your understanding in the matter."

"Quit the flowery talk. We appreciate plain speech around here." Flavia rolls her eyes, draping her arms over the back of the sofa. "Now then, let's get to business."

"Er… right!" Chrom takes visible effort willing himself to relax, but recovers quickly from the sudden change in mood. "I am here to pursue an alliance between Ylisse and Regna Ferox, with the intention of sharing military resources and uniting against the Plegian threat."

"Figured as much." Flavia nods, face blank. "So you're looking for Regna Ferox to supplement your infantry. Probably a good call. Not like you stand a chance without us."

I turn to Chrom, and see his reaction is kept carefully neutral. Frederick on the other hand is bristling with indignation. I turn back to Flavia and see her eyeing me, a smirk on her face.

"What, didn't anybody tell you?" Flavia grins. "If war breaks out between Plegia and Ylisse, those Plegians are going to walk right over you. They may not have much for habitable land, but they have long held the largest shipping economy in the world, not to mention a wealth of mines tucked away in its mountain ranges. And while the Ylissean Purge slaughtered many a Plegian citizen, they had little effect on the wealthiest regions in the country."

None of this sounds promising. I've heard little of the previous war between Ylisse and Plegia, but if what Flavia says is true Ylisse is in trouble. It doesn't take a tactical expert to know that a wealthy country with a deadly grudge makes for a deadly combination. And I know precious little of the military state of Ylisse, my attentions to this point being focused largely within the Shepherds, but from what I've seen and heard the country has a dangerously small army for a country of its size.

These have all been dangerous oversights on my part, in retrospect. I make the decision to familiarize myself with all of Ylisse's military resources as soon as I return to the country.

Chrom looks outright furious as he speaks, "I'll ask that you not bring my father's war into this, Khan Flavia. It has little to do with Emmeryn."

Flavia's demeanor changes rapidly, as she leans forward to look Chrom in the eye. "I didn't take you for an idiot, Prince. Your father has everything to do with this. He took a long standing difference in religious ideals and elevated it into genocide. Even a brat like you should be old enough to remember those times. The atrocities your country committed. The blood on your family's hands."

"My sister has gone through hell to try and make that right!" Chrom snarls, rising from his seat.

"Making it right." Flavia scoffs, then seems to think better of it, leaning back in her seat again. "Well, I suppose I do owe her credit for that much. She's certainly not as hotheaded as you or that Plegian King. At any rate, we've gotten far away from my point. I want to know why I should join my forces with your meager army and piss Plegia off. What could I possibly have to gain?"

"Trade." Chrom answers immediately, looking confident in himself for the first time in this discussion. "Ylisse may still be recovering from the war, but there is no denying that we are unmatched in agriculture when compared to our neighbors. The Exalt is fully prepared to negotiate for generous trade deals in exchange for military support."

Flavia mulls it over for a while. "I'll admit, it's tempting. Our people could always use something extra for their larders, especially on my end of the country. But that's not enough for me to endorse pushing my people to support a lost cause."

"Ylisse is far from a lost cause." Frederick snaps back. "Our army may not be the size of Plegia's, but one Ylissean soldier is worth ten of those glorified brigands!"

"And you want my people to put their necks on the line because you said so?" Flavia replies coolly, getting to her feet. "I'm sorry for your troubles, Prince Chrom, but I don't see much of a reason to risk the lives of my people here. You are welcome to stay in Gelida Dominus as my guests as long as pleases you, but I will not carry you through your war."

And with that, she walks to the door. Chrom, Frederick and I exchange alarmed glances, but Chrom looks lost. He clearly wasn't expecting such extreme pushback from the Khan, and neither was anyone else in our group. Hell, even Ben thought this would go smoothly (though he voiced as much well before he killed two Feroxi soldiers).

But thinking of Ben reminds me of something else he mentioned to me, some hearsay he picked up on the road. And that gets me thinking.

It's crazy, and dangerous, but I may have an idea.

"The twins!" I burst out, rising to my feet.

Flavia, who already had her hand on the door, pauses. She turns back to face me. "What was that?"

"You have a bandit problem, one that threatens much of the land east of here." I declare with a grin. "Two twin brothers, leading the largest group of brigands this nation has ever seen, are decimating the countryside, using the mountains as cover."

"What's your point?" Flavia says this bluntly, but her face is more curious than anything.

"We, the Shepherds, will take care of them for you." I gesture to Chrom and Frederick. "We'll do what your soldiers have failed to do, and we will destroy those bandits. And we'll only use the people we brought with us to do it, no reinforcements from Ylisse or Regna Ferox."

"Is that right?" Flavia looks me over. "And what do you expect this to change, exactly?"

"It'll prove what Frederick said. That Ylisse's soldiers are of a higher quality. That we are strong enough to fight back against Plegia, and that it will be worth your time to support us."

Flavia stands silently by the door, mulling it over. Several minutes pass, before she seems to make up her mind, cracking a grin.

"Alright, if you pull it off I'll hear you out. But if you're going to do this, I want it done properly. You have two months. Two months to track them down, run them out of their stronghold, and destroy them so thoroughly they'll never blight my people again. Don't give them any time to regroup, or relocate."

I keep my face even, even as I feel the weight of that timeline suddenly settle on me.

"We'll get it done." Chrom answers on my behalf, stepping forward. "We'll prove to you what Ylisse is made of."

"See that you do. I'll send a servant around later to give you what information we do have, but after that, you're on your own." Flavia nods. "Good hunting."

She throws the door open and stalks out into the cold halls of the keep, the door slamming shut behind her. I collapse into my seat, breathing heavily.

"Thank Naga that worked." Chrom sighs in relief, before smiling gratefully at me. "Quick thinking, Robin."

Frederick nods along, giving me an inquisitive look. "Indeed, you may very well have saved us with that deal. But if I may ask, how did you know about those bandits?"

"Ben mentioned them to me a few nights ago. I guess he heard about them from one of the travelling merchants we passed on the road."

"He certainly has a talent for noticing useful information." Chrom sighs, glancing at the blood still on the table. "Though after what he pulled today… I would be lying if I didn't say I had concerns about his place with us."

"What?" I look to Chrom in shock, "Chrom you can't be serious! After everything we've been through, all the times he's risked his life for this group, you want to just throw him out."

"Want has nothing to do with it." Chrom replies angrily, glaring at me. "But what happened back there, the way Ben acted, the things he said…" He trails off, turning back to stare at the table again. "There was a side of him present today that I have not seen before. One that could easily prove dangerous to the Shepherds, and nearly cost the whole of Ylisse today."

I step forward to protest further, but to my surprise Frederick cuts me off. "Forgive me my Lord, but I believe you are mistaken in this regard."

Chrom and I both look to Frederick in surprise. "Really, Frederick?" Chrom looks up at the knight curiously. "You of all people are defending his actions?"

"I may have a reputation for being strict, but do recall that I have seen far more of this world over the years than you have, sire." Frederick replies, smiling for a brief moment before his expression grows serious once more. "The way Ben acted today is certainly worrying, but not for the reasons you may think. I believe it to be a sign of danger not to us, but to Ben himself. He is in my eyes, for all his tendency towards rational thinking, dangerously close to self-destructing."

I feel a lead weight settle in my chest.

"What?" Chrom replies, stunned. "You're saying that…"

"I am." Frederick replies grimly. "It is something I saw amongst many of my fellow knights in the wake of the last war."

"And you're sure?" Chrom looks to me questioningly, "Robin, you two are close, did you notice anything?"

"I… I had no idea." I answer, still feeling stunned. I turn to Frederick desperately, "It can't be true, surely? He's my friend, I would have seen something by now!"

"Not necessarily." Frederick replies solemnly, giving me an apologetic look. "He hides it well, for the most part. It was Lissa who suspected it first; her training as a healer has taught her to recognize signs of such a thing. Even then, she wasn't sure. Before today I wasn't certain either, and as I said I have no shortage of experience with these matters."

"Damn!" Chrom curses, "It makes perfect sense, doesn't it? The man has been dragged away from everything and everyone he knows. It's only natural he'd feel pressure of this sort!"

"…Indeed." Frederick replies, expression somber. "At any rate, Lissa has been doing what she can for him, and is in all likelihood the best person for this job. While I have known people in this situation before, I am not the best person for curing him. All I will recommend is that we continue to treat him as normal, for as long as he is with us."

"There's nothing more we can do for him?" I stare pleadingly up at Frederick, "Nothing at all?"

"I'm sorry Robin," Frederick replies, and his expression clearly shows that he is genuine in this. "This is a delicate matter, and I am hardly an expert. You may try asking Lissa, but I imagine she'll say much the same. Ben is not without his pride. The wrong approach could serve only to alienate him.

"I see." Chrom raises a hand to his chin pensively. "I suppose this is the time to defer to my sister's expertise, then. I'll try talking to her later. In the meantime however, we mustn't forget the task we've taken upon ourselves."

"Indeed." Frederick nods, "The task ahead of us is no small feat. To rout a bandit group of this size will require the entirety of our resources and skill."

"Right, I almost forgot!" I groan. "I'll need to find a more detailed map of Eastern Ferox before we go. And check the almanac. We only have a limited time before the winter grows too harsh for us… I hardly know where to begin with this, really. I don't know the enemy numbers, the location of their stronghold, the strength of their members, the local terrain… This is every tactician's worst nightmare!"

"We'll offer any help we can." Chrom claps me on the shoulder and hauls me back to my feet. "But for now, we should celebrate! It may not be in a way we're used to, but there is no denying that the Shepherds have snatched victory from the jaws of defeat today. Let's return to the others and share the good news."

We exit the room, immediately shivering in the cold, but Chrom's words manage to make even the miserable cold feel lighter. It's true, today's meeting was nearly a disaster, and the reasons for that will no doubt haunt me for a long time to come, but we made it through. The coming months will be challenging, but I will persevere, and guide the Shepherds as best as I can.

I only pray it will be enough.

* * *

 **So... yeah. Bit of a challenging chapter to write honestly, mostly due to the weirdness of trying to write this SI from an outside perspective. Hence why there's certain emphasis put on things like Ben's smile and laugh that you might find odd. What a person's own laugh sounds like or how they smile isn't really something I imagine people dwell on normally, but since this is a SI I have to kinda describe it to do the sudden personality shift justice.**

 **I don't know if I've mentioned this before or not, but SI Ben is basically a fusion of my brain from two different points in my life. There's the part that's more emotionally stable, and the part that... isn't. I'm pleased to say that the part that isn't is definitely from a good six years or so ago, which is why I feel comfortable enough to talk about it via fanfiction like this. But boy oh boy, I was pretty fucking volatile back then. Lost a lot of friends by saying and doing stupid horrible shit, had all kinds of crazy mood swings, etc, etc.**

 **I'm in a much better state nowadays, thankfully. Haven't had an episode like the one depicted here in years. But yeah, every weird mood you see here is something I've been through at least a few times over the course of my life. And as anyone who struggles with these problems will tell you, it never goes away completely. I still have days where I feel like there's no real hope in my life, or that I'll never amount to anything. But those are just days. They are fleeting moments.**

 **So I guess this is my way of saying, if you ever feel like that, it happens to everybody, and while it will never go away completely, it sure as shit gets easier. Hold out, get antidepressants, find a therapist, do what you gotta do and you'll be okay, there's no shame in it.**

 **Next time, we're back to Ben's point of view, jumping back into some Paralogues.**


	12. Chapter 11

**New chapter, finally! I don't have an excuse for this one taking so long, it was just hard to write, I guess. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

I don't know what the general consensus is amongst trained soldiers, but if you were to ask me what the most important thing to have in combat is, I would say "options." Skill, strength, speed, all are useful, but nothing is more important to me than having the tools for any situation. This has become all the more important to me since my last disaster of a fight.

If I had some sort of ranged option, I wouldn't have done something idiotic like throwing my battle axe. If I hadn't thrown my battle axe, I might have been able to fight that swordsman off without nearly maiming myself. I look down at my hands and wince, the pale lines of scarring still clearly visible against my palms and fingers. Any worse damage and I'd have never been able to draw again, let alone fight.

Still a little odd to me how that last point has become such a priority in my life.

I mulled it over for a while, and asked some of the other Shepherds, and in the end decided on a pair of hand axes. Virion offered to train me in archery, but the success of my gambit to save Donnel is still fresh in my mind. And the idea of throwing axes at my enemies is just cool as hell to me.

Khan Flavia was generous enough to provide equipment for any Shepherds who require it, so getting the axes was easy. I also managed to get some armored gloves, so that my hands won't get so fucked next time I'm caught off guard. The armoring is on the back of the gloves, mind you, but it should still be good to have some sort of protection.

Less easy than obtaining the axes has been learning how to properly use these things. There's a short list of people in the Shepherds who can use a throwing axe. Vaike has the most experience, but he still pretty much hates my guts. And Frederick…

I'm not really ready to face him one on one yet. Not after that shit show three days ago.

I consider using the training grounds in the keep, but there's far too many soldiers around who know of me. The thought of trying to learn anything while they're all standing around judging me is far from appealing. And if they see me practising the same thing I used to kill one of their men I'll probably get fucking lynched.

So in the end I bundle up in my Canada clothes and practise throwing axes in the middle of the woods. I head out early in the morning, and work my throwing arm until my fingers go numb. It takes several hours; the Feroxi make damn good gloves. Of course wearing the gloves means my hands get blistered as hell, since the gloves rub against areas I don't have calluses built up yet.

Which means that in the interest of continuing the practise I have to see Lissa during lunch. As tends to be the case with Lissa, things get out of hand rapidly after that.

"So… is there anyone in the Shepherds you didn't invite?" I look over at Lissa, who beams at me from beneath the hood of a vivid blue parka.

"Well Chrom, Robin, and Frederick are busy finishing the details for our job, so they were out. But other than that I invited pretty much everyone!" Lissa replies, proudly looking around the clearing I've been practising in. "Miriel and Vaike said they were busy though. And I couldn't find Kellam."

"Really?" I look over Lissa's head and see Kellam chatting with Sully a short distance away. "Well looks like somebody picked him up along the way. That or he just happened to be nearby when you were inviting somebody else."

"What?" Lissa turns around in bewilderment, looking around the clearing for several moments before she finally notices him. "Oh geez, well at least he isn't left out."

"That's Kellam for you, rarely noticed, but always present." I chuckle. "So, I get why Vaike isn't here, but what's Miriel doing?"

"I think she's studying some type of spellcasting, something about infusing magic into something? I dunno. You know how hard she can be to follow when she gets all worked up. She strings so many crazy long words together you can't understand a word she's saying."

"I hear you. Gotta really work my brain to keep up." I nod along, readying my axes. "Alright, let's see here…"

My target, a section of the tree where I scraped the bark off, rests on the far side of the clearing. I take my time lining up the shot, while Lissa shoos the others out of the way.

"Okay, before I throw this, I'd like to remind everyone that I have never done this before today. Sorry Donnel, saving your life doesn't count."

"Well gosh Mister Benjamin, I hope you don't mind if I disagree on that one!" Donnel replies with a grin, sending a wave of chuckles through the group. I grin at the rebuttal, an effective way to hide the cringe that always threatens to break free when I'm called 'Mister Benjamin'. Goofball kid just can't seem to drop that habit.

The clearing goes quiet in anticipation. I line up the shot once more for good measure, raise the axe, and take three steps. I bring my arm down and release the axe just above eye level. It flies across the clearing, veers slightly right, and shaves another chunk of bark off the side of the tree.

I click my tongue in annoyance, ready my second axe, and throw it the same way. This time the axe hits the target, but with the eye rather than the blade. It bounces off the tree with a loud thump, falling in the snow.

"Damn." I sigh, running a hand through my hair. "Not my best performance."

"Oh I don't know about that. For your first day that's not bad." Stahl replies with a grin. "Mind if I have a try?"

"Not at all man, go for it." I pass him the axe that bounced and go further in to retrieve the one that missed. Once that's done I take a turn on the sidelines, settling in next to Donnel and Severa.

"He's not wrong, you know." Severa remarks as I walk up. "You seem to have the fundamentals at least."

"You know how to do this stuff?" I look over at her curiously.

"My uncle taught me." She replies, looking aside with a scowl.

I should have figured my future self would pick up a skill like that. "Damn, should have asked you, I guess."

"Obviously." She grumbles, frowning as Stahl's toss sends the axe straight into the ground in the middle of the clearing. "Geez, he's holding on to it for way too long."

"Want to show us how it's done then?"

"What?" Severa looks up at me, surprised.

"Show us how to do it." I nod at her. "You know what you're doing, so I'm sure we could benefit from your example."

"Or I could not, how about that?" Severa blushes and turns away. "I don't like being the center of attention."

"Fair enough." I shrug and look to Sumia as she lines up a throw. "It's hardly something I'm the most comfortable with either."

"Really?" Severa looks up at me dubiously, before muttering quietly enough that only I can hear her. "You always seemed to like attention when you were teaching us."

"Guess I'm just not… Huh. Probably shouldn't tell you this, might be weird again." I pause and think about it for a minute.

"Weird how?" Severa gives me a curious look.

"Well, last time I mentioned my self-image issues you weren't a fan. Not that I can fault you for that." I frown and turn away to stare studiously at the trees across the clearing. "Not like it's a fun topic."

Severa looks stricken, like she desperately wants to argue with me, but in the end she can't seem to come up with a proper rebuttal. She gives up, turns back to the group, and winces as Sumia trips with the axe and nearly takes Stahl's eye out.

"Holy shit, Sumia, you need to talk to Flavia about getting those damn boots replaced!" I exclaim in horror, running over as Stahl lies back and takes gasping breaths. "You're gonna get somebody killed at this rate."

"I'm sorry! I've been so much better lately, I just got a bit careless!"

"Geez girl, just because you're a badass Pegasus Rider again doesn't mean you have it all together, huh?" Sully chuckles nervously. "Ben's got a point about those shoes, might want to switch them while we can."

"I know." Sumia sighs despondently. "I'm just rather attached to these boots. They're the same pair I wore when I was first training."

The way she always seems to fall over while wearing them makes me wonder if they weren't another assassination attempt in disguise.

"You can keep them if they mean that much to you, but if you wear those in a battle on the ice you'll break your neck for sure." Sully claps Sumia on the shoulder. "Come on, let's go find you some now, I've gone through enough riding boots to know what to look for."

"Ohh… okay." Sumia sighs and lets Sully lead her back to Gelida Dominus.

"How you doing there, Stahl?" I look down in concern at the still-hyperventilating knight.

"Oh he's fine, that axe didn't even touch him." Lissa waves a hand dismissively.

"Easy for you to say! I saw my life flash before my eyes!" Stahl moans piteously.

"I'll defer to the doctor's expertise on this one." I reply with a smirk, rolling my eyes at Lissa as she giggles. "But in the meantime, I'll take another crack at this."

"Feel free." Stahl replies. "I think when it comes to ranged options, I'll stick to bows."

"Indeed?" Virion looks over in sudden interest. "Stahl, my good man, I never realized you were a man of such refined tastes!"

"I actually did a lot of hunting when I was a kid." Stahl explains, sitting up. "I fell out of practise a bit when I became a knight, but the skills never leave you really."

"Like riding a bike." I comment.

"What?" Stahl looks up at me blankly.

"Oh, uhh, just a saying from back home." I clear my throat awkwardly and take my throwing stance again. "Don't mind me."

Stahl seems to take my words to heart, going to chat some more with Virion, and I start throwing axes again in an attempt to feel less out of place. Learn to fight like a proper soldier, learn to fit in to this society, learn to stop referencing a world only I know.

It works quite well, as per usual. Training always seems to serve to keep my mind occupied. I improve more as the day goes on, taking breaks to let the others learn as well. Donnel takes to it immediately, clearly comfortable with splintering trees into mulch, and displaying his godlike propensity for learning. Others, like Stahl and Virion, figure out the basics of the technique after some practise, but lack the interest to pursue the talent further.

The biggest surprise has to be Lissa, who accurately throws axes despite having what must be the worst form I've ever seen. The girl hardly even aims, and leans into her throw so hard that at one point she literally somersaults as the axe leaves her hand. Every single one of her throws hits the target near the center, and I find myself exchanging looks of dismay with Severa at the weird talent she has for nailing the target.

"Woohoo!" Lissa cheers triumphantly, even as she struggles to pull herself out of the snowbank she rolled into. I walk over to help her, but find to my surprise that Frederick has materialized out of the woods to come to her rescue. "I'm amazing at this!"

"It's certainly some kind of amazing." Sully replies, walking into the clearing with a bemused grin, "Hey team, found a few newcomers while we were out shoe shopping."

"I was wondering where everyone had gotten to." Chrom says with a grin as he walks into the clearing, Robin and Sumia close behind him. "Practising with ranged options, are we?"

"It was mostly Ben's idea, but I figured, the more the merrier!" Lissa replies, bouncing in place as Frederick dusts her off. "And now I'm winning! Chrom, can I have an axe?"

Chrom and I share a mutual look of horror, and the princess immediately begins pouting. "What the heck is that look about? I've been hitting the target every time, it's not like I'm Sumia!"

"Excuse me?" Sumia replies indignantly.

"You know what you did!" Stahl yells across the clearing, causing everyone present to burst into laughter.

Lissa isn't so easily sidetracked though (at least not this time). As soon as the laughter dies down she turns back to Chrom and starts demanding her own axe again. After a minute or so of largely one sided arguing he sends me a desperate glance, prompting me to sigh and step in.

"Lissa, throw the axe one more time, will you?" I say, taking the axes from an eager-to-help Donnel and passing one to her.

"Alright!" Lissa beams, accepting the axe and turning to Chrom with a grin. "I'll show you what I'm made of, just watch!"

She lifts the axe with both hands, winds up, and hurls her whole body forward into the toss, falling flat on her face in the snow. Once again the axe strikes the center of the target. Lissa whoops, eying the target from the ground and moves to get up, but finds herself unable to move.

This is because I've placed the back of my axe firmly against her shoulders. "You're dead, Lissa."

"What?" She looks back at me with a grin. "Come on, stop goofing off Ben, let me up."

"Nope, you're dead, you have to lie still now." I shrug.

"What are you talking about?" her smile fades, shifting into confusion.

"He's applying your throw to a battle scenario, my lady." Frederick answers, giving me an approving nod. "If this were a proper fight, your manner of throwing would undoubtedly result in your death."

"What, no, come on, I hit the thing!" She waves at the tree. "I killed the enemy!"

"You killed one enemy, and in return, left yourself so wide open that I didn't even have to try to kill you." I reply. "A battle is not a series of one vs one fights. Focus only on the enemy in front of you and you'll be struck down by their companions. Remember what happened to me the day we first met?"

Lissa gulps at that, no doubt remembering the sight of my bloody body slumped against a wall. "There's no guarantee it'll go like that, though." She protests weakly.

"No guarantee it won't, either." I lift my axe from her shoulders. "Can't take that sort of risk in a fight. Bad things happen even if you think you're being careful. Remember our last big mission? Donnel and Maribelle almost died because I wasn't being careful enough, and that was at our own base of operations. Even the smallest risks can lead to death. And that face-plant is what we call a big risk."

Mentioning Maribelle's close call seems to seal the deal for Lissa. She sighs heavily, and holds up a hand in surrender. "Alright, point made." She hangs her head in defeat, even as I pull her out of the snow. "I just wanted to help protect you guys."

"Help? Lissa, you are without a doubt the most important member of the Shepherds." I reply with a laugh. "There is nobody less expendable in any army than the healer. Hell, since you're royalty as well, I'd say even Chrom is less crucial."

"He's right, Lissa." Chrom jumps back in at this point. "You don't need a weapon to prove your worth here."

"I know that, really! I just… I want to help you guys! I can't stand waiting around while you risk your lives, I've been doing it for years now and I hate it!" She stomps her foot sulkily, and I grimace.

"I agree with Lissa, to a point." Robin cuts in. "She should receive more training in some sort of weapon."

Frederick, Chrom, and I look over at Robin in dismay, while Lissa's head jolts back up in sudden hope. Robin backtracks hastily at the reactions, waving his arms in a placating manner. "Okay, hold on, don't look at me like that, there's a perfectly logical explanation."

"Self-defense?" I reply after a moment of thought. Robin snaps his fingers and points at me, nodding emphatically.

"Hell yeah!" Sully chimes in at this. "Women should always be trained to kick ass."

The thought seems obvious now that Sully says it. I've always thought that if I were ever to have a daughter, I'd have her trained in self defense. "The world is a dangerous place, especially for women. So women should learn how to fuck people up just in case." I muse.

"What do you mean, 'especially for women?' You saying we're weak?" Sully steps towards me angrily.

"I'm saying men have a tendency to be entitled dicks, especially about where they want to stick it." I reply, smiling mirthlessly. "Consider my vote changed. Let her fight." I look down at Lissa's scrawny frame and blanch. "Maybe start her with a ranged weapon first though, at least for battle situations. We don't want to send our healer on the front lines."

Sully regards my words carefully, then shoots me a smirk. "You're alright, Ben."

"Glad to have been judged worthy." I grin back. "Anyways, what do you two think?" I turn back to Chrom and Frederick, who both look very unhappy with the turn the conversation has taken.

Frederick breaks first, looking down at Lissa with a frown. "I think you've all made your point, however crude some of your points may have been. We shall decide a proper training plan for you then." Lissa whoops in triumph at the announcement.

"Very well." Chrom sighs, looking down at Lissa with a sad smile. "I'd hoped to protect you from all this, you know."

"I know." Lissa replies, running up to her brother and grabbing him in a hug. "But we both know I can't stay out of this forever. I'm a Shepherd, just like you. Fighting is kinda normal for us."

"You're right." Chrom hugs Lissa back, then hauls her off the ground. "Don't think for a second I won't still look after my little sister though."

The two share a chuckle, and I turn away, feeling the weight of nostalgia at the tender scene.

"You alright, Ben?" Sully asks, giving me a concerned look. "Not having second thoughts already are you?"

"No, just… thinking of my sister back home." I sigh, trying not to tear up.

Sully claps me on the shoulder, her default way to show support, and I give her a grateful nod. I take a moment to compose myself again, and check back in on the conversation.

"-we'll have to talk to Miriel about it." Robin is saying, before looking over at me. "Do you think she'll mind?" It takes me a moment to put the context together before I realize what he's asking.

"Teaching Lissa magic, you mean?" I smirk. "She'll probably be thrilled. Miriel may be incomprehensible at the best of times, but she does love teaching. With Ricken back in the capital she's only got me to bounce ideas off of, and I still can't cast for shit. Having somebody else to work with who can actually use magic will make her day."

"Well, maybe you two should go ask her then." Chrom replies with a nod, looking around the clearing. "In the meantime, we'll carry on here."

"Indeed." Frederick nods curtly, surveying the Shepherds gathered. "Really, this is a dreadfully inefficient set-up for a training exercise as is. What was the plan here exactly?"

"It was meant to be private practise, actually. Everyone else just sorta… showed up." I shrug helplessly.

"I see. Well I suppose you've been doing your best." Frederick huffs, looking at the two throwing axes and shaking his head. "Woefully lacking in equipment, though. I shall remedy this. Donnel!"

"Yes sir?" Donnel snaps to attention.

"Head to the armory at once and fetch us as many throwing axes as you can safely carry." Frederick scribbles out a note on a pad of paper he pulls out from… somewhere, and hands it to the kid. "If they protest, show them this."

"Yes sir, Mister Frederick Sir!" Donnel salutes, and rushes towards the gates at top speed.

Frederick notices me still standing and watching, and nods curtly. "Worry not Ben, I shall carry on with this exercise in your stead."

I see the other Shepherds look on in dread as they realize what Frederick is planning, and can't help but grin. "My thanks, Frederick. I leave them in your capable hands." I nod to the man firmly, wrap an arm around Lissa's shoulders, and lead her out of the clearing. "Let's go Lissa, these soldiers are in Naga's hands now. Nothing we can do for them."

"Hopefully Frederick won't leave too much for me to clean up." Lissa replies with a conspiratorial grin. The two of us chuckle and head back to Gelida Dominus. 

* * *

It's hardly a surprise when Lissa leads me into the depths of Gelida Dominus' extensive library on our quest to find Miriel. What does surprise me is the amount of research she seems to have done in the past few days.

"Christ Miriel, can you even breathe behind all that?" I stare in awe at the absolute mountain of books surrounding her. The woman has an absolute fortress of books, walls stacked taller than I am all around her, casting the table she's working on into darkness, save for a small magical ball of light she seems to have trapped in a jar. I make a mental note to ask her to teach me that spell later, I hate relying on candles for light all the time.

"Quite. There is ample ventilation." Miriel nods distractedly, flipping through her books and marking small scratches on a diagram beside her.

"Turn of phrase." I smile and roll my eyes, and Miriel looks up at me, blinking curiously.

"Indeed? Ah, I see, an exaggeration intended to express surprise at what you perceive to be a surplus of books. How quaint." She gives a small smile, then turns back to her book.

"Is this common with you two?" Lissa looks up at me curiously, "That seemed almost, rehearsed."

"Pretty much happens at least once every session we have together." I reply, smiling.

"As a traveller from the Outrealms, Ben has a wealth of interesting phrases unlike any in our world." Miriel says, scratching away with her quill. "It has been a most amusing field of study."

"Huh." Lissa blinks. "I guess I never thought about it, but you do have a weird way of putting things sometimes, don't you? Robin too, come to think of it."

"Probably my fault." I shrug. "Since we talk so often he's picked up on it."

"Presumably a result of his amnesia. His mind is quick to pick up on all sensory inputs around him, perhaps in a subconscious effort to replenish the numerous lapses in his memory." Miriel pauses in thought for a moment, "I'll have to discuss the subject with him at a later date." She returns to her notes a moment later.

"That makes sense… I think." Lissa frowns thoughtfully.

"His head is empty so he's learning whatever he can." I supply.

"Okay, that's what I thought." Lissa smiles up at me in relief, then turns back to Miriel. "So, what are you working on, Miriel?"

"I am attempting to create a new variation of fire spell." Miriel sketches out a few more lines on her diagram, and I realize she's drawing a magic circle. I stare blankly at it, and Miriel catches my eye. "This could be a valuable teaching experience, Ben. Tell me, what can you discern from my work so far?"

"Oh geez." I grimace at the question. I'm even worse at reading spell circles than I am at casting. "Give me a second here."

Magic in this world is nothing like the games portray. While practically all mages use books, the books are not the source of magical power like you'd think. Books are only useful for allowing a mage to remember the spell they need to access.

Magic is kinda like the force, in a way. It flows through all living things, a natural energy that mages call upon. To do this, they rely on circles to focus the energy in a way they can use. The spell circle acts as a sort of lens, like a magnifying glass, which focuses magical energy within a mage's mind. And spell books are used to form a magical link to the mage's mind that let's that circle be brought up accurately.

Casting a spell is a four part process. A mage learns the spell circle for the spell they want to cast. Then they painstakingly etch that spell into their book, allowing that spell to be correctly remembered. Once the spell is marked down correctly they can use the spell to shape the magic around them to their desired form. Finally, once the magic has it's desired shape, it can be directed based on the caster's gestures.

I've managed to correctly draw three spell circles in my book, the basic fire, lightning, and wind attacks. None of them really work properly though, since I can't focus enough magical energy to send it away. I always summon a tiny version of the spell, which dissipates the instant I send it away.

Miriel has yet to figure out exactly why I can't gather enough magical energy, and I've kept my personal theory (my magic stat is too low) to myself. So she's had me working on learning magic circles in the meantime. Unfortunately reading circles requires a proper grasp of the language, one which I don't really have yet, so figuring out any circle can sometimes take days of work.

"Let's see…" I gaze over Miriel's latest work curiously. "You already said it was a fire spell, so that narrows things down a lot… I don't see any of the usual signs for combustion though. Wait, the fuck?" I blink in confusion as I squint at the paper. "There's no words for burning, just a mess of different marks to regulate intensity." I look over at Miriel curiously. "Are you trying to maintain a certain temperature?"

"You are getting warmer."

"Was that a joke just now?" I give her a lopsided grin.

"Indeed. It was a play on words, referencing the current topic in a thematically relevant manner by using a turn of phrase that I know you to be fond of." Miriel beams proudly.

I can't help but chuckle at her enthusiasm. "Not bad at all, Miriel. We'll make a comedian of you yet. Back on topic though, from the look of things this spell is meant to keep a contained area at a certain temperature… But I'm not sure yet what the area is… Not a room… but…"

Words are often distorted based on how they are required to fit within the circle, which can make them damn near impossible to understand with my still-limited grasp of Ylissean writing. "Okay, gonna have to work based on context clues from here, I guess. What would be useful for a spell like this? I don't think it's food, that symbol looks totally wrong… uhh, a person? Yeah, that fits!" I look up to Miriel triumphantly. "You're creating a spell to regulate body temperature in cold weather!"

"Correct. Well reasoned, Ben." Miriel nods her head, causing me to swell with pride. "It took much trial and error to acquire the correct temperature."

"Wouldn't a spell to contain heat within the body be more efficient?" I frown.

"That was my initial thought as well, but that leads to a great risk of heatstroke. Dictating an appropriate temperature has less risk. It also interferes less with latent magical energy, meaning it takes little energy to maintain for an extended period of time."

I guess bottling the heat up inside a person is kinda dangerous. "So does it only work on the caster, or can we cast it on multiple people?"

"The design allows multiple people, but quantity is still limited." Miriel frowns, staring at the page she's drawn up. "I shall have to ask Robin if he can shoulder some of the burden."

"Ooh, that sounds like it might be my cue!" Lissa pipes up from behind me, and I jump in alarm. "… Did you just forget I was here?"

"No," Yes. "I just wasn't expecting you to yell like that." I smile back at Lissa. "This is a library, you know."

"Oh, sorry!" Lissa frowns guiltily. "But still, I bet I can totally help you out with this heat spell thing!"

"I was unaware you had knowledge of anima magic." Miriel looks over at Lissa curiously.

"Well, I don't. Yet." Lissa replies. "But I can totally learn!"

"That's actually why we're here." I explain. "Frederick and Chrom have decided it would be good for Lissa to train in something she can use to defend herself. We figured magic would play better to her skills, since she has some experience with it already."

"A logical decision." Miriel nods thoughtfully. "Indeed, this spell would be an excellent start for you, Lissa. It will allow you to acquire a proper sense for casting anima magic while we prepare you for battle."

"Cool! So how do I learn this thing?" Lissa bounces in excitement, and I smirk at the answer I know is coming.

"We must first go book shopping." Miriel replies, rising from her chair.

"Aww, what? That sounds so boring though!" Lissa looks over at me, crestfallen, and I chuckle in response. I had a feeling she wouldn't be thrilled about this part of the process.

"It's the most important part of the process, sorry Lissa. Without the book you won't be able to cast anything." I hold up my book for reference. "All spell books are linked directly to the caster, so it's pretty important to get your own."

"Huh. Well I guess when you put it like that it kinda sounds cool." Lissa mumbles, still pouting.

"Very good then." Miriel packs her bag swiftly, then gestures to the spell circle still on the table. "Ben, while I am taking Lissa to get her spellbook, please mark this circle down."

"Huh." I look down at it and frown. "You sure? I can barely conjure a fireball, so I doubt I'll be able to maintain this long enough to be useful."

"On the contrary, I believe this spell will be critical for your growth as a mage." Miriel nods. "I have developed a theory on your magical skill, or lack thereof. I will go over it with you at length later, once you've prepared that spell for casting."

"Well that sounds… interesting? Yeah let's go with that." I shrug, flipping my book open to a blank page (which doesn't take long since I know like, three spells). "I'll eagerly await your news."

Since I already figured out how to read the tome properly copying it into my book only takes half an hour or so, which is by far the fastest I've ever managed it. It's nice to see my magical ability raising in at least one way. This does leave me with a bit of a conundrum.

Miriel is very particular about spellbook materials. The woman is a stickler for quality, which makes sense since the quality of a book affects the quality of its mental link. Those two are probably going to be shopping around for a few hours at least.

I try entertaining myself by looking through some of the books Miriel has accumulated, but they're really not for beginners. And I was never one for school books even back when I understood how to read the language. If I had my sketchbook this would be such an easy problem to solve, but I'd have to walk all the way across the keep to get to our rooms. And the keep is pretty much hostile territory for me right now.

So with no real way to occupy myself I decide to do something I… probably shouldn't. I try out the spell. There are rules against this of course; Miriel has often told Ricken and I not to go casting any new spells without her supervision, but this new spell is so frigging weak I don't expect much of a problem.

It's pretty easy to cast, as far as I can tell. Looking at Miriel's notes tells me that the spell doesn't even require motions to direct, since the point is to regulate how magic circulates in the body. This means that as soon as I look at the circle in my spellbook and call on the power the task is done.

My body immediately explodes with pain.

I yell in shock as the magic flows through me, a fire burning beneath my skin. The flow of magic in my body is tangible in a way I never experienced before, and holy fuck does it hurt! I manage to call off the spell easily enough with a thought, and collapse against my desk, taking deep breaths as the burn rapidly fades.

"What the fuck was that?" I gasp out, staring at my hands in horror. There's no sign of anything wrong with them, but that much pain had to mean something went badly, right?

"You have broken my rules Ben." A voice calls out behind me. I look back and see Miriel and Lissa rushing towards me.

'That… that obvious, huh?" I groan, sitting back up in my seat. "Yeah, consider this a big learning experience for me. I think your spell might be dialed a bit too high, Miriel."

"Unlikely." Miriel sniffs, pushing her glasses up her nose. "My math is without flaws."

"So what the heck happened then?" Lissa asks in shock, looking me over. "Ben looks like he just ran a marathon!"

"Any physical injuries?" I ask her nervously. Don't want to be bedridden so soon before we march.

"No, it looks like you're just tired." Lissa sighs in relief. "Tired, and a bit flushed."

"As I expected." Miriel rushes to her scattered notes and starts looking for a blank page. "I do believe this spell will have several extra benefits for you, Ben."

"Keeps me warm, lights my skin on fire, yup, I can see the perks." I deadpan, as Lissa fusses over me.

"Is that what it felt like? Fascinating." Miriel's hands are a blur as she scribbles notes across the page.

"That's a word for it." I roll my eyes at Lissa and the girl lets out a muffled snort of laughter, trying to hide her reaction from Miriel. "Seriously though Miriel, what was all that?"

"Ah, my apologies, I have much to take note of here." Miriel glances up at me, quill not leaving the page. "Allow me to explain, though I must stress that this is all conjecture, and therefore many points may be subject to change at a later date."

"Duly noted."

"Very good. Now then, as I mentioned before, this spell is related to a theory of mine on your lack of magical power. I have not mentioned it before, but you are in a rare situation as a magical caster. Your grasp of theory is sound, and your spell circles are pristine, no doubt due to your artistic experience. In most situations, this would lead to a powerful ability as a spell caster."

"But I can't cast for shit."

"Quite." Miriel nods curtly. "I have been struggling to learn the nature of this restriction for some time, and believe I have found the answer. While your mind has all the makings of a capable mage, your body is currently incompatible with magic."

"Incompatible?" I sit back in confusion. "I didn't know that was a thing. Like, I know some people just don't have the talent for casting, but…"

"Talent is not the issue here. It is purely a physical matter." Miriel shakes her head, cutting me off.

"Oh, I get it!" Lissa says, pointing at me excitedly. "It's because your world doesn't have magic in it!"

"Precisely." Miriel gives Lissa a pleased smile. "Or at least, that is my theory. An excellent deduction, Princess."

And with Lissa's realization the rest of the pieces fall into place for me as well. "That makes sense. So the reason I can't cast well is because I don't have any magical energy in me. I guess what little I can do is just drawing from an outside source?"

"Essentially, that is correct." Miriel nods. "Magic is a natural part of our world, as omnipresent as the air itself. But unlike any of us, your body is not equipped to use it. Your developmental years were spent without it, and so you do not hold it within as other mages do. The spells you cast draw magic from the world around you, as is the case for any mage, but because you don't have magic within you, it does not respond properly."

"It's like trying to teach a deaf person to sing." I frown. "It's doable, but will never be on the level of somebody who can hear the music for themselves."

"An apt metaphor." Miriel gives me a determined smile. "But not without its flaws. After all, I have already discovered a probable treatment for your condition."

"The heat spell." I look down at my arms. "You think it'll fix the problem by drawing magical power into my body."

"Precisely. The spell uses a minute amount of magic, which means it will fill you with power in small doses, allowing your body time to adapt."

"Will that be safe though?" Lissa asks nervously. "It looked like it really hurt Ben to use this spell."

"This is unfortunate." Miriel frowns. "But I feel that the only alternative is to simply… not cast spells."

"I'd rather not go that route." I grimace. "This isn't something I want to quit. Especially not after everything I've done to learn magic already. You sure I can't just wait it out? Like, I've gotta be taking magic into my body just by breathing and eating, right?"

"It's… possible." Miriel pauses thoughtfully, before shaking her head. "But I don't imagine it to be very likely. If you were still pubescent then perhaps it could develop, but as I said, those years are far behind you. The amount of growth necessary for this far beyond what your body can undergo at your age."

Well don't I feel like an old fucking man now. "Cool." I grimace. "Alright, let's embrace the pain." 

* * *

"What the hell have you three been doing?" Chrom asks as Miriel, Lissa, and I trudge into the hall for dinner three hours later.

"Embracing pain." I deadpan, collapsing into my seat.

Chrom's eyes drift behind me, where Miriel and Lissa are making a point of not looking anywhere near each other. Lissa's hand is wrapped in bandages, and Miriel has a black eye. "So I see. I take it the magic lesson didn't go well then?"

"The lesson was sufficient." Miriel replies irritably. "Once your sister could be bothered to cease her assault of my person."

"You tried to maim me!" Lissa shouts back.

"If I have to hear this argument again you will not like the direction things take!" I interject angrily. Bad enough I have to light myself on fire for this new exercise, hearing them bicker the whole time was a whole new form of torture.

Miriel and Lissa take my words seriously, splitting immediately and sitting on opposite sides of the room. Chrom watches the two of them in bewilderment, then looks back at me. "What in Naga's name happened?"

"You want the long or the short version?" I look up at him blearily, then blink as a bowl of stew appears in front of me. "Thanks Kellam."

"You're welcome!" A voice replies from somewhere out of sight. He's probably right next to me, the bugger.

I grab a loaf of bread and start digging in as Sumia and Frederick approach the table, no doubt also looking for answers. Chrom sees the audience growing and sighs. "Guess I'll hear the long version of things."

"Cool." I dunk my bread and grab a mouthful, gesturing the others to take a seat. "Okay, so things were going pretty normally for the first bit. Miriel got Lissa a spellbook, we came up with a possible solution to my magic problem, found a spell that keeps the cold away, everything was sunshine and rainbows."

"Okay…" Chrom nods along. "That all sounds very productive. So…?"

"The solution to my magic problem involves channeling magic into my body, which hurts like a sonovabitch. So I decide to separate myself from the girls and do that while they get Lissa set up for spellcasting. Which means activating the spellbook."

"Oh dear, I think I know where this is going." Sumia winces. Chrom and Frederick look towards her questioningly, and she explains with a sigh. "In order to link a spellbook to a caster's mind, a drop of blood is required. It creates a magical connection between the caster and the book itself."

"Yup." I chime in. "And before you ask, yes, it has to be blood. There's a very specific spell circle in place that is used to form the link. From what I've read it used to just require a… piece of the caster, like hair or something, but spellbooks kept getting linked to the wrong people by mistake. Hell, Miriel tells me a guy linked a book to his cat once."

"I see. So Lissa didn't take well to the bloodletting." Frederick nods in understanding.

"Yeah, well it's not quite that simple." I sigh. "Miriel was so excited to start teaching another student that she… pretty much completely forgot to explain the process beforehand. She just pulled out a knife, grabbed Lissa's wrist, and said 'let us commence!'"

"Oh boy." Chrom groans.

"Yeah, Lissa freaked out and started flailing, which meant that instead of nicking Lissa's finger Miriel accidentally sliced her palm open. And Lissa doesn't have the right tools to heal herself, so she flipped out even more and punched Miriel in the face."

Frederick and Chrom sigh in unison. Sumia… looks like she's trying hard not to burst into a fit of giggles. Fair enough, it's a pretty ridiculous story, when you don't have a front row seat to the shrieking.

"Was the injury serious?" Frederick asks after taking a moment to collect himself.

"Nah, barely a scratch." I wave my hand dismissively, then pause. "Though I suppose my perspective on hand injuries is pretty fucking skewed." I grin and hold up my hands as evidence, showing off the white scars left from grabbing that sword last week.

"Right… maybe I'll ask her later." Chrom looks aside uncomfortably. I grimace, knowing his thoughts have probably drifted to my… episode… with the Kahn.

Fucking fuck bugger fuck shit balls. I know I need to talk to them about this at some point but the thought of going into the topic is just…

I can't fucking do it. I can't talk about this. I feel like I'm going to be sick.

"It would seem your training was harder on you than we realized." Frederick suddenly says in a loud voice, rising from his seat. "Understandable, from what you've told us. Thank you for explaining the matter, rest assured I will have a word with Miriel concerning her lack of tact."

"I guess we'll take Lissa then." Sumia smiles brightly. "Don't worry Ben, we'll have things patched up with those two by the time we march tomorrow. Come on Chrom."

Chrom looks over at me and frowns. "Actually, I was hoping to talk to Ben about-"

"Later, honey." Sumia's grip visibly tightens, and she pulls Chrom to his feet. "Family comes first."

Chrom blinks at Sumia's persistence. "Uhh, right then, some other time then."

"Good luck." I wave them off, then look back to my bowl with a melancholic smile. "God damn, subtlety is not their strong point."

"No, but at least they're trying, right?" I look to my right and see Robin standing awkwardly to the side. "I uh, I thought Sumia was doing a good job."

"…She wasn't there." I grunt, finishing my stew.

"She still knows about it. Chrom confides with her for just about everything." Robin replies, watching the two as they sit across from a still pouting Lissa.

"Nice to know I'm such a reliable source of gossip for you guys." I mutter, glaring at my empty bowl.

"Ben, that's not- you know I didn't mean it like that!" Robin replies pleadingly, and the desperation in his tone drains the anger from me almost as quickly as it appeared.

"Yeah, I do." I look over at him wearily. "My bad. Shouldn't be snapping at you like that."

"No, I get it, really." Robin waves his hands furiously. "I just… Oh boy, I should have listened to Frederick and not brought this up."

"Probably." I reply, despite the curl inching across my lip. The guy is so earnest it's hard not to find it endearing.

"Okay, I won't talk about it again, unless you want to that is. I just…" he pauses, trying to figure out what to say. "I just want you to know, that no matter what you say, or do, or- or think… you're still my friend. Okay? That's not going to change."

I don't really know how to respond to that. Heartfelt declarations of friendship are really not something I have much experience in. It's always been the sort of thing I see on TV and dismiss as schmaltzy nonsense. Yet here we are.

I dab at my eyes with my sweater sleeve, grimacing as they water up. Come on Ben, manly man machismo, don't start crying.

"Yeah." I croak out. "Back at you, man."

* * *

 **Robin/Ben: ultimate bromance. Let us all join hands and bro-ship them until their inevitable deaths to the dragonpocalypse. Hoorah!**

 **Anyways, glad to get this out finally. Sorry if it was a little exposition heavy, but I've been waiting to go over the rules of magic for my interpretation of this world for a while. I wanted spellbooks to still be a thing in this world, but thought the idea of spellbooks being expendable resources was a little silly, especially when you consider how rare paper was back in the day. So this is what I decided on in the end, a system that any DnD wizards should find very familiar, though perhaps with less circles.**

 **A few extra notes on spellbooks for those interested! The books have been around for centuries, but the mental link they have to their owner is a relatively new development. Back before the link was made mages had to just memorise spells the old fashioned way, and the book was only helpful as a visual reference. Now it's like a google search engine, but you have to fill out the results yourself. Then when you cast your spell it looks it up for you and helps your mind fill in the blanks. Learning spells may still be a pain in the ass, but casting them has never been easier!**

 **Here's your friendly reminder that I like reviews and they keep me motivated. Seriously, last two chapters have only had one review each (thanks Maridus, you're a champ!) and I know you all can do better than that! I believe in you!**

 **Next chapter, more Paralogues!**


	13. Chapter 12

**Alright everyone, finally got a new chapter for you. Sorry it took a full month to post, had a lot of life stuff keeping me busy lately. I hope the fact that it's breaking length records here makes up for the wait!**

* * *

I've been feeling a strange sense of contrast recently in comparison to my time in this world to date. It could be due to the way people seem to tiptoe around certain topics with me ever since my fuckup at the Longfort. It could be that word has spread about my even bigger fuckup with the Khan. But I think the actual answer is something far less personal. In the end it all comes down to time.

We've been on the road for only two days, but the pressure is already mounting. When you consider the time spent preparing for this journey, it's been nearly a week since Robin made his deal with Khan Flavia. One week out of eight. If we don't return to Gelida Dominus with the mission completed by the start of this world's version of December then it's all over. Compared to the past few months where time seemed almost to drag between battles, and the pace feels daunting.

It's a brutally strict deadline, and the Khan was not forthcoming with reasoning for it. I have an idea what it's likely about, but once again I have no way of putting forth my information without giving away too much about myself. The restriction is getting old rather quickly; I'll have to see about finding a workaround once I have more resources available.

The same restrictions also apply to my knowledge of the locations of the bandits, since I have at least an inkling of where to find them. A properly drawn map of Regna Ferox give me a clear view of its many rivers, and from there it's a simple matter to spot the villages that match with different Paralogue levels from the games.

In the end I simply made do by mentioning the bandits will likely use the rivers as a water supply, and hoped Robin will lead us to the right spot based on that. Being way better at this stuff than me, he'd already come to the same conclusion. And so he led us out into the cold unknown.

The pressure seems to have lit a fire in Robin, since he's acting with an intensity I haven't seen from him before. His thoughts seem sharper, his decisions more calculated. He is doing everything he can to rise against the weight of responsibility placed on him; to perform his role without cracking under the pressure. If I was the kind of guy to get inspired this would definitely do it.

I tend to prefer going with the flow rather than showing initiative though, especially when initiative can potentially out me as a clairvoyant. Clairvoyance in this case meaning that I've played a video game about the lives of my new friends. If push comes to shove and I have to reveal information about the future I've decided clairvoyance is going to be the story I use. No need to tell the others that I've literally played with their lives before.

Luckily for me I'm an exceptional liar. All I have to do is ignore that niggling bit of guilt that tears away at my gut. Not like I've never repressed negative emotions before. When you're as much of a basket case as I am that's just how you get through the day.

Until it all builds up too much and you slip into a fit of hysteria in front of a foreign dignitary.

Yeah, maybe I should come up with a better coping mechanism when I get back to Ylisse. My normal doesn't seem to be holding up to the advanced stress factors of working in a foreign fucking militia.

But that's a thought for later.

Right now, all I really need to think about is the job I've been given as part of the new marching orders. Robin has rearranged our entire army to better prepare us for marching into hostile territory. I'm part of the core guard, along with Kellam. The two of us have been given the job of watching over the ranged units and Lissa, so that they can better do their jobs without worrying about attack.

It is a job I take pretty seriously, since all of the squishies in our army are friends of mine, which I'm sure was the point. I may not have the combat expertise of most of the Shepherds, but I've proven that I will throw myself in front of arrows to protect people. So while Kellam forms an invisible wall of steel in front of the team, I am an ever present wall of flesh. …Which sounds fucking weird when I put it like that, but fuck it, it's accurate.

The whole team is ready for action at any time. Now all we need is to find the asshole bandits we're supposed to be hunting down. 

* * *

"Existence is torment!"

"So you've told me. Several times." Lissa comments casually, kicking her feet as they dangle from the back of the wagon.

"Very… funny." I snarl at her through gritted teeth, before dropping the temperature spell. "Ahh, god damn it still hurts like a bitch."

"Maybe you're not casting it right." Lissa looks over, only slightly concerned, probably due to my constant bitching. "I mean, isn't it weird that you're still being hurt by the spell? I feel like after so many days you'd be used to this."

"Unlikely." Miriel comments from her wagon ahead of us. "While this is an untested field of study, I estimate it will take several weeks more at least until Ben's body is properly acclimated to magic. We are attempting to recreate centuries of magical adaptation within a short timeframe, after all."

"Sounds about right." I reply, looking down at my hands and casting the spell again. "Aahhhdapt or die, you mother fucker! This is gonna be worth it when I get back to Gelida Dominus shooting lighting from my hands. See how inclined that fucking Khan is to punch me then!"

"That probably wouldn't dissuade her for a minute." Lissa replies sheepishly.

"Yeaaaaaah." I groan in relief as I lift the spell again. "Probably not. If she heard me talk just now she'd do it again just to spite me. She… really doesn't like me."

"Pretty sure Flavia doesn't give a shit about you, actually." Robin says, walking up to our cart. "You're just another mouthy soldier in her eyes."

"Ouch." I chuckle as I fake a grimace. "Probably better for me though. So what brings you to our humble spot in line, Robin?"

"Nothing good, I'm afraid." Robin points ahead. "Smoke on the horizon. We have trouble."

We quicken our pace at the sign of the smoke, but by the time we reach the fire it has already burned down to embers. Woodham, the town we were planning to stop at for the evening, has been razed to the ground.

"Split into groups of two and look for survivors!" Chrom orders, rushing forward. "Frederick, Stahl, Sully, check around the outskirts and search for any clues as to what the hell happened here. Has anyone seen any sign of Sumia?" The look he gives us at this last question is nothing short of desperate, but unfortunately nobody has good news for him. "Damnit."

He marches off without another word, heading into the village alone. I look over to Robin and Lissa, and see that they have similar expressions of unease.

Lissa is of course the first to move, but Robin stops her with an outstretched arm. "We need you in the center of town Lissa, sorry. If we find any injured it's easily the best place for you."

Lissa pouts, but relents easily in the face of Robin's logic. "Yeah, I guess you're right. He needs somebody to look after him though!"

"Don't worry about it, Lissa. I'll go talk to Chrom instead." Robin nods confidently and turns in the direction Chrom headed, which means I have to step in as well.

"You can't go either Robin, with Frederick and Chrom gone you're in charge of us." I shake my head. "Vaike should go."

"Wait, seriously?" Vaike looks over at me in surprise. "You trying to mess with me?"

"You've known Chrom a hell of a lot longer than most." I look over at him and raise an eyebrow. "Go be his friend. That way Chrom has somebody looking out for him, and we won't have to deal with each other for a while. Everybody wins."

Vaike looks taken aback at my logic, but manages a chuckle. "You know what, I can get behind that idea! You can leave ol' Chrom to the Vaike!" He positively swaggers away from the rest of us, chest puffed out as he follows the prince. The others line up in front of Robin, awaiting instructions.

"Aww, that was nice of you!" Lissa grins over at me, and I give her a crooked smile.

"Eh, I just wanted to get rid of him." I chuckle as Lissa rolls her eyes at me, the two of us heading for the town center. "Yeah, I guess I felt like extending an olive branch."

"That's good! I can't stand this fight between the two of you." Lissa frowns.

"I've been trying to act like his comments don't bother me, but the truth is I'm pretty fucking sick of all this as well." I sigh. "And I know I've been making it worse with some of my comments. Lots of petty bullshit. It's like I've been reverting to my teenage years whenever I'm around him. And holy shit I don't want to go back to that time."

"What's wrong with being a teenager?" Lissa looks up at me indignantly.

"Lissa, teenage Ben was an intolerable shithole. If I were to go back in time and meet him I would probably kill him." I feel my face contorting in distaste at the memories of it all. So many fucking regrets from that time.

"…Okay then." Lissa says quietly, lowering her head.

"You alright there?" I look over, confused by her sudden change in mood.

"It's nothing." She sighs, picking up her pace and walking slightly in front of me. "Forget about it."

I open my mouth to argue with her on the matter, but then the two of us reach the town center and I find my mind focusing on other more important things. "Oh Christ."

"Dear Naga!" Lissa gasps in horror, as the two of us stare in shock at the bodies scattered in the snow.

The town's been nothing but husks of burned buildings up to this point, but it looks like the townspeople tried to make a stand here. It clearly didn't go well. Bodies are everywhere, most completely mangled. Lissa looks around desperately next to me, but the hopeless expression she gives me says it all: they're all clearly deceased. To so much as raise her staff would be a waste of effort.

"What the hell happened here?" I walk up to the nearest body uneasily. The man is wearing a rusty helmet, wielding a sword that he probably didn't even have a chance to use. He's nearly been cut in half at the belly, guts spilling out around him. His eyes stare emptily into the sky, face a mask of horror. "This is a massacre!"

Lissa gulps audibly, moving next to me to look at the body. "Ben, I think something's wrong here."

I look down incredulously, about to make a sarcastic comment at her stating the obvious, but the look on her face gives me pause. She looks horrified, yes, but her eyes are calculating.

"Alright, autopsy time. I'll stay out of your way." I nod, trusting her medical prowess and jogging over to the road we entered from. "We've got trouble over here!" I holler, waving to get everyone's attention.

A few cries answer me, and I return back to Lissa's side as she examines the wound on the man we were just standing over. She's donned a pair of white gloves in my absence, and is poking at the wound with a look of intense scrutiny.

"Shit, you've got a strong stomach to be doing that." I comment, both in disgust and admiration.

"That's the easy part of all this, honestly. You can only put people back together so many times before the sight doesn't affect you as much." Lissa comments, not looking up from the cadaver. "These people haven't been dead for too long, so the smell isn't really bad yet. The cold helps with that."

"Any signs of Rigor Mortis?" I look the body up and down. "I suppose that's what's causing the facial expression."

"It typically starts there, yeah." Lissa looks up at me for a moment. "You know a lot about this sort of thing?"

"Crime stories are pretty popular back home." I shrug. "I'm not medically trained, but I've picked up a thing or two from that."

Lissa hums in understanding, turning back to the body. "I had to learn this stuff when I was training to use a staff. You have to know a lot about how the human body works before they let you start putting them back together."

Lissa wasn't kidding in the prologue to this game. She isn't delicate at all; she's handling the carnage like a pro. Which makes sense since despite her age she very much is one. Seeing this, I leave the expert to her work, looking around to see what else I can discern from the carnage.

Thoughts have to be kept delicate when dealing with a scene like this, it should be said. The term clinical detachment comes to mind. As I examine the other bodies I make sure to focus on them only as part of the scenery. I'm lucky in that my years of time spent around butchered animals makes me relatively safe from the smell of corpses (at least while they're fresh), but that does nothing to ease the sight of this on a conceptual level. I don't allow myself to look at them as people, instead as a puzzle to be unlocked.

Severa reaches my side a minute into my examination, breathing heavily. "Is this the trouble you were yelling about?"

"Yup, field of corpses. Definitely a problem." I reply, staring at the body in front of me. It's a younger man, leaning against the side of a house. Like the others, his equipment looks poorly maintained, a chipped and dull sword held in his hands, sitting limply between his legs. From the looks of things he was cleaved across the torso and fell here. But something's off. "Severa, what am I missing?"

"He was hit from the front, yet his sword looks pristine. No real sign he fought back." Severa comments, looking around uneasily. "Also, look closer at his sword."

I blink in confusion at her choice of words. "You know what this was, huh?" I reply, taking a knee and checking the sword. To my confusion, the end of it seems to be layered lightly in frost, as though it was dipped in something wet recently. "The hell?"

I look around the area a moment longer, checking the footprints around the man and pause in shock. "There's an indentation here, from another body. A large one, too." I stare blankly at the shape in the snow. "And there's no sign he got up."

When you fall in snow there's always a deeper indentation. The body has a larger surface area, so it doesn't sink too deep. But when you get up, the weight will always be centered on your arms, and will leave a more pronounced print. There's a body print, but no arms. Which means the body either stood up without pushing off the ground, or it disappeared into thin air.

"Oh fuck. Risen?" I look over to Severa and wince. Her face regards the square with a look that is both horrified and familiar. As in, she's seen this far too many times already. "Okay, Risen."

"We have to go." Severa replies quietly. "We need to get out of here."

"Agreed." I look over to Robin and the others as they approach. "Who knows how many Risen are still around?"

"Not just that!" Severa replies impatiently, her usual tone creeping back into her voice. "Look around, Ben! What's missing here?"

I pause at her words, and look again at the people scattered about. It only takes me a moment to realize what she's talking about. "No women or children. It's all men here, a town militia."

"They died to buy time for the others to escape." Severa nods, expression desperate. "We have to find those people!"

"Crap! Robin!" I rush over to the others, still looking over the scene with horrified expressions. "We've got signs of Risen attacking and a whole bunch of missing civilians."

"That makes sense!" Lissa nods, peeling her soiled gloves from her hands as she rejoins us. "The bodies I've checked so far show signs of being struck with single blows. The strength it would take to do something like that is crazy! Inhuman!"

"And this all happened recently." Severa jumps in. "There's a good chance those people are still alive!"

"Of course! That explains Sumia's disappearance!" Robin gasps in understanding, which prompts the rest of us to reel in sudden realization as well. Leave it to Robin to make the right connections far faster than us common folk.

"Oh shit, she must have found them. She's probably trying to lead them to safety!" I hiss, looking around the town desperately. "Where the fuck is Chrom?"

"I'm here!" I turn to see Chrom rushing into the square, Vaike hot on his heels. "What was that about Sumia?"

"We have reason to believe the civilians fled this town after a Risen attack." Robin replies, gesturing to the other Shepherds as he explains. "I think Sumia must have found them."

"Damn it!" Chrom spits, looking around the clearing. "Which way did they head, can we tell?"

"North!" Severa replies, pointing across the square. "Look there, the snow's been stomped flat that way!"

Chrom doesn't hesitate, rushing across the square without another word. Vaike is after him a second later. Robin turns at the same time, moving to direct the rest of the group.

Severa looks between the two, unsure of which group to follow. I clap her on the shoulder. "You're steering one of those wagons, remember? Go with Robin. I'll keep an eye on those two."

"Be careful." She replies, squeezing my hand quickly before rushing after Robin. I don't hesitate either, rushing after Chrom and Vaike.

By the time I've reached the outskirts of town the two running figures are already far in the distance. Their head start has combined with their absurd endurance to give them an insurmountable lead. Thankfully I'm not nearly as out of shape as I used to be, and I'm able to set a comfortable pace that I know I'll be able to maintain for as long as I'll need to.

Several minutes pass before Frederick, Sully, and Stahl rush past me, their hooves thunderous despite the soft snow. They don't pay me so much as a glance, focused only on reaching those further ahead. Fine by me, lord knows I don't need any help at the moment.

It's only now that I begin to understand exactly what situation I'm in, the scenario beginning to ring familiar in my mind. A dense forest in a mountainous region, a pack of refugees from a decimated village, and Risen marching their way across Regna Ferox. It's Paralogue 3 from the fucking games. The one where the villagers all suicide rush into the Risen like a pack of complete fucking idiots. When I think about the hours spent replaying this level trying to keep those morons alive… Ugh, yeah this doesn't bode well for me.

I reach a bridge before too long, and see the clear fields of snow on the opposite side, confirming my theory. Chrom and Vaike are visible again, running in the distance, with our good horse riders now leading the charge. And there, far in the distance, is the town full of assholes that leave the refugees to die in the game. The refugees are huddled outside the gate, no more than a dark mass against the snow from this distance, but if I squint I can see the white of Sumia's Pegasus amongst them, barely visible.

No doubt she's receiving the good news from the assholes right this minute. 'Sorry, no vacancy, please die somewhere else.' I know the direction they're likely to try from there, a dangerous crossing through the woods, with Risen tearing them apart as they flee. I remember it well, due to how goddamned impossible it is to keep them all alive in this level.

Yeah, this is going to turn into an absolute bloodbath, isn't it? It's always taken me like a dozen tries to finish this level without letting the people die, and that was with an army considerably more organized and ready to go than this. The Shepherds are back to being spread out across the damned map; lord only knows how far back the others are, our tactician included. Without Robin to smooth things over this'll be a blood bath.

Unless I use my knowledge to even the odds a little…

I don't really stop to think about it, knowing I'd get too wrapped up in my own thoughts to get anything done if I did. I pull out my axe, hack some large cuts into several trees to mark where I'm going, and take off into the woods, keeping the river in sight to guide me.

The trees are thin enough near the banks that I can actually make decent progress, though the roots still trip me up a little. Focusing on my feet makes it a little easier, but the snow covers enough that it doesn't help much. At this pace I may be able to cut the survivors off before they run off like idiots.

I'm about halfway along when the Risen make their presence known.

It starts with a low howl, one that echoes on the wind and makes my blood run cold. The lungs on this thing could give me a run for my money, I can tell it's far away but the volume is still insane. And that first howl is quickly echoed by many more. I cringe as the air fills with Risen screams, and rush to the river bank to check what's happening.

Across the river it looks like the Shepherds are drawing closer together. At the very least I can see them all now. The carts are way back, having just crossed the river, but they're moving fast. Chrom and Vaike are nearly level with me across the river, only a little ways further along the bank, but I can see they're fighting with Risen that seem to be erupting from the forest. Frederick seems to have reached the villagers, his armor gleaming as he towers over them on his horse. The villagers must be scared, but he seems to be holding them in line. Huh. Maybe I didn't have to run over here.

A shrill screech cuts off my thoughts, coming from my left. I turn and see dark shapes moving over the trees towards the Shepherds in the back, and the carts come to an abrupt stop as everyone turns to face them. Right, forgot about the stupid fucking zombie Pegasi.

I can guess easily enough what the presence of flying evil monsters tends to do to crowds of scared people, so I take off running once more. By this point I'm close enough that I can hear the moment the survivors start to scream in panic, and redouble my efforts as they start acting crazy.

My feet slip and I scramble on all fours for a moment trying to recover as I rush more. The shrieking of the Risen picks up again as I regain my momentum and rush alongside the river. I chance a glance further in and am not thrilled by what I see. Dark shapes are moving further in the forest, trudging in the same direction I'm running. The undead ambush is already in effect. The only way I can stop it is if I stop those people from rushing in to their deaths.

Branches reach out to snag on my jacket, but the fabric is too tough to penetrate and they snap off instead of catching me. Bushes, already devoid of leaves, are trampled underfoot. The Risen yell, and I let my voice join the cacophony, a roar of defiance in the face of death.

The sounds of battle reach my ears as I proceed, weapons clanging and Sully screaming curse words. Civilians screaming in fear and Sumia's Pegasus whinnying.

I positively erupt from the forest to absolute chaos. The Risen from the forest are far behind me now, but there are others still waiting on the road. The lead of these is a massive armored knight, rusty armor shrieking with every move. The civilians are running around in every direction, women, children, and elderly scrambling over each other in a panic, unsure of where to go.

Above, Sumia gestures back towards our allies wildly, yelling something that nobody can hear over the din. She tosses a javelin desperately towards the advancing knight, but it merely shatters against its armor. Normally that would be enough to knock a foe off their feet, but the Risen uses its weight and unnatural strength to weather the blow easily. I rush towards it, but I can already tell it won't be enough.

The survivors are running in all directions, not even trying to stick together. A few run past me into the trees, despite my attempt to cut them off, but many more saw me running and assume (quite correctly) that there's something terrible following me. Some seem to follow Sumia's advice and head back across the bridge, but our cavaliers are still fighting there, and they don't want to risk getting near. The knight stands in the middle of the road, stalking with those screeching footsteps, cutting things off there.

A man rushes at the knight desperately, one of the few adult men that seem to have stuck with the group, but one swing of the knight's lance shatters the poor bastard's sword and tears his arm off. I try to move closer, but the panicking crowd is getting in the way, slowing my progress to a crawl. I'm forced to watch as the hopelessly outclassed villager is disemboweled, then flung screaming into the crowd.

I scream a curse and start throwing my weight around, elbowing women and elderly out of my way as I push through. The knight, meanwhile, shrugs off another javelin from Sumia and takes another screeching step. Then, without warning, he charges.

It's something similar to the burst of sudden speed the Risen have displayed before, an explosion of movement only possible by pushing the body beyond mortal limits. Watching the armored soldier burst into movement into the middle of the crowd is something like seeing a car drive through a mob. The people scatter, screaming in fright, but those unable to get out of the way in time are sent flying.

The result is devastating. A teenage girl is thrown headfirst into the bridge, head cracking the stones in an impact that's almost certainly fatal. A glancing blow against the knight's shoulder sends a group of women falling over each other, flailing and screaming helplessly. The knight's spear hits an old man in the head and tears it cleanly off. A boy is left screaming in the wake of the rush, his leg a bloody mess from where a steel-clad boot stepped on it.

It's absolute carnage, and for a moment I stop pushing and just stare, completely horrified by the spectacle of it. I hear as voices scream, but this time it's not wordless terror; there's names now, names I immediately strike from my mind before the tragedy of all this overwhelms me. I have to get at this thing before it kills more people.

The tide of people fleeing the knight hold me back from them again, and I start bellowing curses as I push through them. The knight turns impassively to the crowd around it, most still struggling to their feet after the sudden charge, and raises its spear again, but falls back as Sumia falls screaming from the sky.

I panic at the sight, thinking for a moment that she may have slipped from her mount by mistake, but the fear proves unfounded as she drives her lance into the knight's shoulder, slipping neatly into a gap in the armor there. Her feet plant firmly on the knight's chest, and she rides him into the ground with her momentum, screaming in rage.

"I won't let you hurt these people anymore!" She yells, tearing her lance free and leaping clear as the knight swings wildly. Another second and that blow would have crushed her rib cage, but the girl is skilled enough to dodge cleanly. The knight rises to its feet with surprising swiftness, and advances slowly at Sumia, making slow, sweeping swings that would leave the thing full of openings if not for the sheer power behind the motion.

"God damn it people, clear a path already!" I yell in frustration, pushing towards the knight angrily. To my surprise, the mob actually seems to take notice, separating enough that I can finally advance. Sumia's sudden appearance seems to have shocked everyone into paying attention.

The knight however, lacks such awareness, not even glancing my way as I reach the front of the crowd. Sumia is backing away slowly, eying the large swings of the knight's spear warily, knowing as well as I do that they are much more dangerous than they look. She needs an opening to get past it safely.

I figure I can provide that pretty easily. Throwing axes, it's your time to shine! I pull one of them from my hip and heave it at the knight's head, making the most of my practice the last few days. The good news is that I aim it pretty damn well, the axe heading right for the target. The bad news is that I fuck up the spin again, and my axe bounces off his helmet instead of sticking.

It's still enough to cause the knight to stop, turning to regard me. And that's all the chance Sumia needs. Her spear lashes out, driving through a gap on the waist and deep into the knight's gut. Which, on a zombie, works about as well as you'd expect.

"No Sumia, the head! You've got to destroy the head!" I howl in frustration, pulling my battle-axe out and rushing in. Sumia nods grimly, moving to pull her lance back out, but finds her weapon is too far in to retrieve without a lot of effort. She goes so far as to place a foot against the knight's hip and tug, to which the knight responds by punching her in the face. Thankfully her awkward position makes the blow ineffective enough that she's only sent flying instead of killed outright, her lance splintering as it's torn away.

I finally close the gap at this point, bringing my axe down on the knight's head with a roar. The knight twists at the last second, taking the blow on its shoulder instead. It sends the knight stumbling back, but fails to do any significant damage. "Ah fuck."

I throw myself onto my knees as the spear whistles through the air above me, and swing my axe into the monster's leg. It staggers, spear slipping from its hands at last. But then its hand lashes out and grabs me by the throat. Despite the knight barely being able to stand, it lifts me into the air, until my feet are dangling. I immediately start kicking at the big bastard, but my steel toed boots really don't compete with plate armor.

The pressure on my throat increases and I realize I'm about to be choked to death. The air is rapidly slipping away as I try not to panic. And that's when Sumia's Pegasus kicks the knight in the back of the head so hard its helmet collapses.

I land back on my feet, stumbling only a moment, and regard the Risen blankly as it rapidly fades into smoke. I glance up at the Pegasus, which snorts down at the dead knight, evidently satisfied, and I can't help but grin.

"Excellent fucking rescue." I address the Pegasus with a chuckle. "I've never felt safer in a near death experience."

The Pegasus looks up at me and snorts in amusement, as if to say 'of course it was excellent', then trots over to Sumia to check on her.

"I'm okay Arella, really!" Sumia giggles, hauling herself to her feet by using her crooked lance as a crutch.

"Are you sure?" I eye the side of Sumia's face warily, as a massive purple bruise blossoms before my eyes. "That looks really painful."

"I can't feel my face at all, actually." Sumia replies as she climbs back into the saddle. "Which I have to admit sounds bad when I put it like that, but it's still true! I'm sure Lissa can patch this up no problem, nothing's broken at least!"

"I suppose that's true." I reply, keeping an eye on her just in case. The rest of my attention is directed towards the assembled crowd, and yeah, I guess this is an issue that needs to be addressed soon as well.

"What's it looking like on Frederick's side?" I ask Sumia, who has a much better view atop her mount.

"Looks like they're almost done." Sumia replies.

"Finally, some good news." I look over to the crowd, who seem to be torn into two groups; those weeping over dead loved ones, and those watching us in shock and awe. "Alright everyone, listen up!" I yell at the top of my voice. "We're with the Shepherds, from Ylisse. Our allies aren't far away, so if you do as I say, you have a damn good chance of surviving this. I want everyone to move to the bridge now, and wait there until our cavalry has finished clearing the Risen. They will direct you from there."

"But there are monsters on that side of the river!" An old man shouts angrily. "How can you expect us to just run into them?"

"I expect you to wait on the bridge until those monsters are gone." I reply irritably. "Believe me when I say there's a lot more monsters over on this side."

"Liar! You just want us to distract them so you can get away!" The old man screeches.

"Somebody, I don't care who, either gag this fuckwit or knock him the hell out, I'm already through with his bullshit." There's a brief instant of shrieking and the sounds of a scuffle from within the crowd as several hands rush to carry out my demand. "Awesome. That was easier than I expected. Now then, my friend here…" I gesture to Sumia, who gives a friendly wave and smiles through the bruises on her face in a way that still manages to look charming. "Is going to keep looking after you from above. I'm going to stay here and hold the Risen until you're clear."

There's a moment or two of stillness, uneasy muttering sounding out throughout the group. Then as one everyone starts scrambling for the bridge, a few hands moving to carry wounded.

"That went way easier than I thought it would." I muse, watching the strangely obedient crowd with a frown. "Figured there'd be more people arguing with me like that old prick."

"Probably because you just volunteered to die for them!" Sumia hisses at me under her breath. "You can't hold this bridge alone, Ben!"

"Well who else is going to do it?" I look back at her and raise an eyebrow. "You can't fight in your condition, you're probably not even safe to fly. I only trust you to go up there because of her." I gesture to her Pegasus, which gives a satisfied snort. "The only people who can get over here right now are the knights, and we need them north of the river where they can make proper use of the open terrain."

"But… But…" Sumia looks desperately between me and the civilians.

"I'll be fine Sumia. At least for a little while. I'm not as helpless as these poor bastards were." I gesture to the fallen survivors around me. "Just… let the others know what's happening as soon as it's safe. I'm going to need the backup."

"…Alright." Sumia lets out a defeated sigh and moves to her Pegasus. "Just… promise me you'll be careful."

"Of course." I raise my axe in salute. I imagine it probably looks pretty confident, until a loud howl, similar to the first one from before, startles me and I nearly fumble my weapon. "Hmm." I muse, eyes wide. "Might want to hurry."

"Right." Sumia straps into her saddle and kicks her Pegasus once in the side. Its wings unfurl with a burst of wind, and the animal shoots straight into the air. An impressive vertical takeoff.

I watch for a moment as Sumia flies back over the bridge, and starts to direct the survivors. Then I turn back to the road, fix my grip on my axe, and back up slowly, until I'm standing on the wooden planks of the bridge.

The bridge is honestly only slightly better than the open field, with enough room for at least a dozen people to walk side by side. Shithead village is a lumber village, one of many that make use of the ample forests in Eastern Ferox. This means I have very little chance of holding the bridge solo. It would be a simple matter for an enemy to slip by while I'm engaged. The only reason I have a chance at all is the sheer stupidity that Risen seem to exhibit. They're likely to go after the first thing they see rather than employ advanced tactics.

Though the coordination of their ambush here suggests otherwise. Oh man, I'm really out of my depth here, aren't I?

Another howl echoes, loud enough that I swear I feel my bones rattle. Whatever's doing all that is getting closer. Probably that boss monster from this level. A soldier if I recall correctly, pretty rare class for a boss unit. I hear more howls echoing, and grimace as I finally realize the significance. These Risen are coordinated, those howls are the boss giving them commands!

"I'm super fucked, huh?" I comment to nobody in particular, watching in mounting horror as Risen start staggering out of the trees.

It takes several long seconds for the Risen to start noticing me, and then they rush. Of course, for undead monstrosities rushing is something of a matter of attitude rather than speed. The vast majority shuffle a bit faster, but they're hardly suited for rushing an opponent. Makes sense, their original job was to sit and wait for prey to come to them.

This doesn't apply to all of them though. Half a dozen of the Risen that emerge from the forest take one look at me and break into a fucking sprint, rushing down the road at me at a ludicrous speed. Alright, this calls for a change in plans.

The closest one takes a throwing axe straight between the eyes, an instant kill that has me grinning like a loon despite the circumstances. The risen falls forward, somersaults, and evaporates as it slides to a stop at my feet, depositing the axe right back to sender. I reach down and grab it, spinning in place as I rise to swing it into the next bugger's temple, another instant kill.

There's a brief lull as the other four Risen stop running and pause to consider me for a moment. I look down at the two dissolving corpses and grin. That was the most ludicrously badass thing I've ever done. I've come a long way from my first fight with the Risen.

"Come on then, you leather-skinned shit suckers!" I grin, swapping from my hand axe to my battle axe. "Don't keep the line waiting!"

The Risen are all too happy to oblige me, rushing in as one. Seeing their simultaneous strike, I decide to go with my tried and true method of meeting their rush head on. Putting my brute strength to work, I make a horizontal strike that decapitates one Risen and sticks in the chest of the next.

As I struggle to retrieve my axe one of the Risen moves to flank on my left, swinging a sword at my head. I block the blow with my arm, grinning as my new armored glove stops the blade in its tracks. The last Risen moves to my right and I kick the corpse of the first into it, buying me enough time to plant a foot against the second Risen and tear my axe from its chest. The move opens its chest wide, causing it to start dissolving as well.

This leaves me with one Risen on either side, in a perfect flanking position. Or it would be, if one wasn't wresting with a corpse. I have at least two seconds until it's free, and Frederick taught me better than to let those go to waste.

Most important thing to do when being surrounded: close the distance on one enemy. You'll get a good moment or two where you're only fighting a one vs one, and if you can capitalize on it properly you can drastically lessen your disadvantage.

So while the Risen on my right is shrugging off the corpse I threw at it, I drive the one on my left away. It's an emaciated corpse that would have been far smaller than me even if it wasn't dead and shrivelled, so I'm easily able to use my weight to drive it back. It's sword stays pushed against my arm, as if the Risen hasn't figured out yet why I'm still alive (a distinct possibility for the stupid fucker). I don't have the time to swap to my hand axe, so I bring my battle axe up with one hand, press it against the thing's neck, and apply as much pressure as possible. The Risen drops its sword and screeches as it tries to drag my sword away from its neck, and I use my now free arm to grab my knife from its sheathe and put it right between the eyes.

By the time I turn back around the other Risen is already rushing at me. Took me longer to finish that thing off than I'd have preferred. I only have a moment to ready my axe, but I should be able to stop this thing in time-

A hand axe flies through the air in front of me, striking the Risen hard enough to rip its torso in half, and completely derailing my thoughts in the process.

"Oh yeah! Teach saves the day!" Vaike roars in triumph, jogging into view and picking up his axe. "What's the matter, couldn't handle a couple of measly Risen?"

"Do I look worried to you?" I sigh, tugging my knife free and eyeing the blackened blood coating it in distaste. I give it a good shake and watch as the blood dissolves into smoke, nodding in satisfaction.

"Sumia said you wanted help over here…" Vaike looks over at me, scowling at my tone. "What, you want to act like you're fine just because I'm the one who showed up?"

"These guys weren't the problem." I shake my head, raising my axe to gesture down the road. "Those guys however, are likely to be a problem even for the both of us."

Vaike turns to look down the road and blanches, apparently having ignored the swarm of slow moving Risen trudging towards us. "Okay, you know something? That's totally fair."

"Glad you agree." I nod, looking over my shoulder to the fleeing civilians. They're moving, but not much faster than the Risen. "We need to keep drawing them over here for now. There's something out there controlling them, and if we leave them to their own devices they might spring another trap on us."

"What the hell kind of freak show does it take to control something like that?" Vaike looks over at me in shock.

"No idea, man. Haven't seen it. It's fucking loud though; you've probably heard it howling already."

"Is that what that is?" Vaike looks back to the Risen and gulps uneasily. "Okay, so what are we doing then?"

"Holding for as long as possible, then running for it." I shrug. "They're not particularly fast, so as long as we don't let them injure us we should be able to escape."

"That's the best you got? Running away?" Vaike looks over at me and snorts. "Thought you were supposed to be smart or something."

"Smart enough to know we aren't winning this fight without Miriel or Robin." I take up a battle stance as the Risen finally draw near. "We need magic to win against numbers like these."

"Ugh… Fine, damn it!" Vaike snarls, readying his axe. "Just stay out of the way and let The Vaike do his thing."

I roll my eyes as he stalks forward, bracing myself as the Risen finally reach the bridge. The creatures shamble towards me, weapons raised, and I start cutting them down as carefully as I can.

I'm starting to think that Risen are rather good at marking personal growth. My first fight against them back in the burning forest was a relatively simple affair, but one that I was completely outmatched in. Were it not for Robin's support I would likely have died. My next fight was the single Risen I killed back at the River crossing, which barely merits mentioning.

And now here I am, cutting Risen down one by one as they march relentlessly towards me. Not counting the speedy ones at the beginning I've killed at least half a dozen in almost as many minutes. Their slow approach and focus on heavy, powerful blows makes them surprisingly easy to kill. I've come a long way in a relatively short time.

Of course, fighting alongside Vaike makes it clear to me that I have a long way to go. As much as it pains me to admit it he fights with the strength of ten people, mowing the Risen down in droves. Every swing he takes crushes armor, shatters spears, and cleaves through undead flesh. He takes only a brief moment to line up each attack, and weathers blows easily against his armored shoulder, presenting a wall of tough leather and steel along his left side.

It's all too clear why Frederick intended for me to learn from him. His power and positioning are both fantastic, and he knows exactly where to hit to do the most damage. And while it sucks to notice, he's been gradually expanding the area he's covering, taking pressure off of me. Whether it's out of a proper sense of strategy or just his way of flexing on me is unclear, but it helps so I don't think too hard on it.

Of course even with the superior strength of a veteran Shepherd, there's only so long we can hold out. Minutes drag on and I feel my arms start to ache, and realize the distance between my dodges and the enemy blades is shrinking. It's not dangerous yet, but it could be soon.

"How much longer do we have to keep this up?" Vaike bellows in between blows.

I take a brief moment as the next Risen approaches to chance a glance back across the river. "The others are being attacked by Pegasus still, we have to wait! If we bring the horde with us while they're dealing with enemy fliers we'll never keep those people safe!"

"Damnit!" Vaike snarls, but seems to acknowledge the point easily enough. He kicks a Risen knight backwards, sending several rows of the creatures toppling like dominos. "Fine then! Bring all the Risen you want, Teach can take it!"

A deafening bellow answers him.

"Ah shit, did you really have to taunt these fuckers?" I groan in exasperation.

"They're just Risen, what the hell are they gonna do?" Vaike snorts dismissively.

The bellow echoes again. Then a cliff collapses further up the road.

"Oh good fucking job Vaike, first you tempt the Risen, then you tempt fate!" I snap, watching in horror as the fallen rocks are tossed aside like paper balls.

"Yeah, I uhh, forgot about the boss." Vaike gulps nervously.

"Mother fuck, look at that shit!" I watch as more rocks are tossed aside, along with pieces of decaying Risen. "We need to get out of here before that thing catches us."

"You said yourself that we can't leave yet!" Vaike snarls. "No way in hell are we taking the coward's way out and letting more people die!"

"Vaike if we fight whatever's doing that…" I gesture as a knight is sent flying, "We're going to die instead!"

"It's fine, we can do this!" Vaike gives me a cocky grin over his shoulder. "It's just a big Risen, we can take it… why are you looking at me like that."

Of course Vaike has the wrong idea; I'm not looking at him at all. I'm staring in absolute shock at the Risen that's finally emerged from the crowd behind him.

I was expecting a soldier, dangerous, but manageable. Maybe another knight, lord knows those things are dangerous enough. What I'm not expecting is a hulking colossus wielding a spear with a blade as long as my fucking arm, dressed up in the armor of a general. And this heavy looking mother fucker just tore a line through the Mass of Risen storming towards us in an instant.

It takes me far too long for my brain to catch up with my eyes, but the way they bulge out of my head must tip Vaike off, because he throws himself to the ground at the last second. The spear doesn't whistle so much as scream through the air above him.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" I scream in horror as Vaike scrambles away, barely rolling out of the way of a cleaving strike.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Vaike bellows in agreement, jumping to his feet beside me. "WHERE DID HE COME FROM?"

"HE CAME FROM THE BACK!" I gesture at the swathe of destruction left in the Risen army.

"HE CAME FROM THE BACK?" Vaike's jaw drops as he stares at the smoky mess of dying Risen.

"HE-" I stop and start coughing as my throat constricts painfully. "Fuck! Just got choked, can't be yelling like that. Yeah, he came from the back."

"Can we outrun this thing?" Vaike asks, looking uneasily behind us.

"No chance." I shake my head emphatically. "And even if we try, this thing's probably strong enough to break through the walls back there."

"Well shit." Vaike frowns, steeling himself. "Can't have that."

I couldn't give two shits about that village full of assholes, honestly. But I knew he'd have a problem with it. For all Vaike's faults, he's a generally good person.

That's probably the only thing keeping me from running right now because we don't stand a fucking chance against this thing. As much as I want to knock Vaike's teeth loose, I'm not leaving him to die. He doesn't deserve that.

We'll see how I feel ten seconds from now when that monstrosity has had time to kick our asses.

The Risen mob haven't stepped onto the bridge, likely at the command of this thing. It seems determined to kill us on its own, though it seems content to wait at the moment. I guess it wants to know what we plan on doing? This means it's calculating, but more careful than it likely needs to be.

"I don't think there's anything I can do to get through that armor, man." I mutter to Vaike under my breath. "You?"

"If I had my Warhammer with me then maybe, but it's back with the damn carts." Vaike shakes his head. "Unless it holds still long enough that I can go for a weak point we're fucked."

"Sounds about right." I groan. "Guess that's what we try then. Keep it still. Somehow."

"That's it? I thought you were a plan guy!" Vaike looks at me in disbelief.

"Robin would be hard pressed to plan for this thing with the full might of the Shepherds behind him. I'm not a tactician, I'm a schemer." I shrug, taking a throwing axe in each hand and walking forward. "This thing is beyond what minds alone can overcome."

"Damnit." Vaike spits to the side, raising his axe and stepping alongside me. "Never was much of a thinker anyways. Can't believe I have to die next to you of all people."

"You're hardly my first choice either." I snort, looking up at the Risen General and raising an axe. "Alright you oversized can of go fuck yourself, let's do this." The general regards me for a moment, then tilts its head inquisitively. "Yes, you. We're ready for you, so get it over with."

The Risen tilts its head back and lets out a coughing sound. Then another. Its shoulders shake with the sound, spear held slack. Vaike and I exchange a stupefied look as it continues.

"Is this thing… laughing at us?" Vaike asks me, visibly worried.

"Kinda seems like it." I reply, noting to myself that my voice is creeping higher in pitch. I feel my chest constricting in fear, and my eyes start to itch.

"Don't go crying on me now." Vaike replies, voice unsteady.

"Can't help it, don't want to die." I squeak out.

The Risen coughs harder at me, looking over. "YOU… READY? NO. THERE IS… NO… READY… NOT FOR… THIS." Its voice is gravelly and hoarse, yet deafening all the same.

"Oh fuck, not like this." I whimper. "We can't win, we have to run, Vaike!"

"Get the fuck out of here then, dammit!" Vaike exclaims in frustration, shoving me backwards. "I'm not letting your pansy ass hold me back!" He takes another step towards the monster. "COME ON THEN, I AIN'T SCARED OF YOU!"

His shaking knees betray him, but I don't comment on it. I stand back as Vaike yells in the face of certain death and curse my own lack of guts. For all that I said we should run I know that's not an option. The thing has already proven that it moves to fast to simply escape. On this straight bridge, there's nowhere to run. No way to avoid it. This thing could be on top of us in a second. So what do I do?

"Oh fuck." I blink as an idea comes to my mind. "Oh shit, there is a way out."

"I'll say there is." Vaike hisses. "I'm gonna kill this fucking thing, that's how we get out!"

He musters his remaining courage with a roar, rushing headlong at the Risen General. I holster my axes, and do the same. Easy to act like an idiot when it's the only way to live that you can think of.

Vaike is still several steps away when the Risen finally decides to bother swinging at him. The first blow barely misses, as Vaike twists beneath it, but the spear is coming back around for another swing almost immediately. Vaike takes the hit with his axe, and is tossed like a ragdoll, arcing high in the air and actually bouncing off the stone floor of the bridge, bellowing all the while.

By this time, I've stepped face to face with the Risen. Or to be more accurate, face to chest, given the difference in height. The Risen seems surprised to see me there. Which is understandable; a screaming Vaike is distracting to even the most hardened of soldiers, and the general likely didn't expect me to try anything.

Imagine its surprise when it suddenly notices me crouched beneath it. My right hand is empty, palm facing the armor, and my left holds my spellbook. The Risen bellows in sudden surprise, bringing its spear down at me, aiming to stop me from casting my spell.

Which was a rather pointless move since I wasn't casting a fucking thing to begin with. Instead I just throw myself backwards again without doing anything, letting the spear strike the stone where I was just positioned. A gut reaction on the part of the undead general, more instinct than thought.

This means the Risen doesn't hold back with the strength of the blow.

And that means the blow hits the stone of the bridge and tears it to pieces, immediately shattering the thing. The general won't be able to risk fighting without ending up in the river now, and the army of dead fucks won't be able to cross after the civilians. Exactly what I was hoping for.

The ground lurches, and I make to run, only to realize my left leg isn't moving properly. I look down in confusion and see that half the leg has been cut open at the thigh, straight to the bone. Guess I didn't dodge as well as I thought. Fuck. Time to hobble before the shock wears off!

I hop backwards unsteadily as the bridge shakes beneath me. The Risen general snarls in wordless fury as stone crumbles between us. It can't cross the river without this bridge, not unless it wants to go around, which will take a hell of a long time with the size of the thing.

That means the fight's over! All I need to do is run. Just… grab Vaike and run! I keep my eyes on the Risen as I move, still hopping backwards.

The General violently tears its spear from the floor, sending stone flying everywhere. This proves to be the final straw for my leg, and I fall flat on my ass escaping the shrapnel. I start crab walking away instead, trying as well as I can to keep my left leg elevated.

"BEN!" I hear a voice call my name and look back in shock. Severa is running towards the bridge, with Chrom and Lissa following shortly behind her. The cavalry is arriving at last. I glance back at the General and flinch as it strikes the stone again, further destroying the bridge beneath us, before stalking heavily back to its side.

A burning pain in my leg suddenly tears through the shock, and the spear wound knits itself back together. I look back and see Lissa raising her staff, healing me from afar. I guess she knows physic? That girl's picking up some seriously impressive tricks!

With my leg now fixed, I scramble back to my feet. I turn to Vaike, still lying in a daze. I'm going to have to move fast if I want to drag him across before- OHFUCKWHAT?

My newly recovered foot steps down and is met by open air. I look down and see that the bridge is fully collapsing from under me. That happened faster than I hoped it would, damn. I flail my arms, trying to recover, but there's really nothing to grab onto. Everything around me is falling straight into the river.

Severa and Chrom rush in just in time to drag Vaike to safety, but I'm well out of reach. The two look on in horror as I hit the water.

My body spasms in protest as the cold washes over me, but I can tell immediately that it's not fatal. The winter is not deep enough yet that this cold will kill me, not unless I'm in here for too long. The problem is the current. As soon as I hit the water I feel myself dragged along, and I'm forced to kick with all my might just to break the surface of the water again.

My head emerges from the water and I gasp frantically, looking around for a way to get to shore. The problem is that the nearest shore is still filled with Risen, so I have to fight across the majority of the river's width to reach safety. I am not a good enough swimmer to get anywhere with this, god damn. Lacking any other options though, I start kicking like a mother fucker all the same.

Chrom and Severa are running along the riverbank after me, though I seem to have gained distance already since hitting the water. I pump my arms to try to get to them, but my water soaked clothing weighs me down and makes lifting them brutally difficult. I'm not even halfway across the river yet.

This isn't going to work.

I'll drown before I reach shore at this rate.

The others seem to realize this as well, and they scream after me desperately, but I can't hear a word they say over the rushing water. Lissa raises her staff and seems to try to cast something, but the spell doesn't seem to do anything. I'm either out of range or moving too fast for her to do anything.

I stop trying to cross the river, focusing my energy instead on keeping my head above the water. In the distance I see Severa still running along the shore after me, but she can't keep up in this terrain. Every time she slows to move around a tree or over a rock I get a little further away from her.

And then I reach a bend in the river and she disappears from view. I don't see her, or any other Shepherd again after that. 

* * *

**This is not at all worrying! =D**

 **So, here's a funny story for you all to help explain part of my crazy delay on this chapter. Spent a bunch of time for the past few months getting a new car, since my old one died of internal haemorrhaging during the bullshit cold snap we had to deal with a while ago. Finally found a nice van, dealt with the paperwork and all that, got it paid for, and then... it got hit in a parking lot a week later. Minor damage only, thank fuck, but it certainly took up a shitload of time getting all that sorted!**

 **Yeah, when Ben mentioned having a curse that applied primarily to vehicles, that was only half a joke, I have friends and family who genuinely believe in curses now because of my rotten luck. The amount of money I'm forced to put into vehicles on a yearly basis is kinda disgusting. I'm on my fifth car in eight years, and yet my driving record is practically spotless. I am a magnet for car related disasters and none of them have legally been my fault!**

 **Thankfully that's all getting wrapped up for now, so I'll hopefully be able to get the next chapter sorted much quicker.**

 **Next time: Ben gets rescued by someone he totally doesn't expect. What do you think, vague enough for you?**


	14. Chapter 13

**We now return to your regularly scheduled programming: some random nerd drowning.**

* * *

Kick.

Paddle.

Kick.

Paddle.

Kick.

Paddle.

I don't know how long I've been in the river for.

Kick. Paddle.

I don't know how long I've been pushing to keep my head above the water.

I can't afford to think about time right now.

All I can think about is doing what I need to do to live.

Kick. Paddle.

Kick. Paddle.

If I just keep doing this, I won't drown.

My legs are lead weights.

My fingers are numb and pale.

My body is wracked with cold.

No.

Kick. Paddle.

Kick. Paddle.

Until I am safe I can't afford to think of anything else. Only swimming.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…

Okay, now I know my brain's fucking with me. Not having it.

Focus.

Kick. Paddle.

Kick. Paddle.

Kick. Paddle.

So it goes… 

* * *

"Holy shit, we got a live one here!"

"You see, I told you we should fish him up!"

I groan as my eyes try to open. When did I pass out? How the fuck did I survive? The slightest opening of my eyes lights my brain on fire and I immediately squeeze them closed again.

"Is he seriously still awake after that?"

"That makes things easier. Here, tilt his head back, this'll put some fire in his belly."

The mouth of a water skin is held to my mouth, and I gulp greedily, only to gasp as I taste the burn of alcohol instead. "Gah, fuck!" I choke, sitting up and coughing.

"Oi, don't go wasting that, its good alcohol!"

"Only you would say that, Fish."

"Just because I got more refined taste than you!"

"That's enough of yer shit, both of you." A third voice suddenly cuts in, and I feel a pair of hands grab my head roughly. Two fingers pry my open, and I cringe at the sudden burn of light.

"Fuck! What the hell's wrong with you?" I protest, trying to pull away. The hands on my head don't budge though, and I'm forced to endure as my eye adjusts. It takes some time, but eventually I get used to the light enough to see properly, even if my head is throbbing.

The man holding me is slender, almost gangly. If it weren't for the fact that I'm nearly dead of exhaustion, I have little doubt I could pick him up and throw him without difficulty. Which would seem like an odd thought if not for the creepy fucking leer he's giving me right now.

"You're a big fella, ain't ya?" The man says, looking me up and down. "Strong enough to survive that river, too."

"I guess…" I look at him uneasily. Sure, by the standards of this world, I've definitely got a larger frame than most people. Comes from being transported to a medieval land, everyone's smaller around here. But something about the way this guy says it is making me seriously uncomfortable. Like I'm a piece of meat or something.

"Well, I've always got room for big strong men, don't I boys?" The guy's grin widens, and he looks back at his companions, who snigger in response.

"Flattering as that may be, I have my own group that I travel with further upstream, so I'm afraid I'll have to decline." I deadpan, trying to lean back. The man's fingers tighten painfully on my head, holding me close.

"Ah ah ah, there's only room for one pack in these parts. If there was another group about I'd know it."

"Fucking hell, how far did I float?" I look over towards the river uneasily.

"Quite a ways, quite a ways indeed. One big soggy sheep come swimming in for slaughter." The man laughs cruelly. "Well, I suppose that depends on whether you behave yourself."

"And here I had hoped this was one of those times you couldn't judge a book by its cover." I reply, looking over the men with a scowl. "You lot look every bit the part of a bandit group."

"Bandits?" The man laughs, "Oh, I'm afraid you're not quite so lucky. We prefer stealing people over stealing their possessions."

A lead weight settles in my gut. "Slavers then. Well, I am fucked, aren't I?"

"Very much so." The man finally releases my head and rises to his feet. "Well, take heart, sheep! Fucked though you may be, we'll take proper care of you in the meantime. Wouldn't want your price to depreciate in value, after all. Tell me, can you stand?"

I snort in response. "After all that time in the river it's a wonder I can speak."

"Yes…" His hands dart out, looking over my swelling fingers carefully. "Frostbite. And your clothing is soaked through… the hell?" He checks my clothing over again carefully. "This is high quality material… You some kind of noble?"

"More like a foreign mercenary." I shrug. "One with a rich employer."

"A Khan? No, they don't have any use for foreign mercenaries, at least not melee warriors… The Twins don't pay this well, and no Plegian would be caught dead this far north this time of year. Ylisse then." The man grins broadly. "Well, well, you're quite the fattened prey indeed!"

I know it's a stupid fucking metaphor but that stung a little. I grimace at the man's choice of words as the he gestures to one of his goons. "Fish, carry him."

"Aw, Ezra, do I have to?" Ah, so nice to have a name to put to the face.

"If what he says is true, he's worth more than both of you combined. Carry him. Now." Ezra's face twists cruelly, a hand going to the sword on his hip.

Fish clearly isn't the brightest man, but he knows a threat when he sees one, and immediately moves over to me. Evidently not the bravest man either. That or this Ezra guy is a lot more dangerous than he looks. I'd bet on the latter personally; the guy is clearly confident in his abilities to threaten violence so casually.

Fish whines as he puts a hand under my shoulders. "Aww, boss, he's soaked!"

"Of course he's soaked, he was just in the river…" Ezra snaps impatiently, then double takes, looking at me again. "Actually, you know what? You've got a good point Fish. We'd best be taking care of that before the cold kills him. Get those clothes off him. Clyde, help him."

My gut instinct is to start kicking and screaming at this point, but I stamp that down. As much as I don't want to be stripped against my will, Ezra's right. My clothes are drenched and nightfall looks to be rapidly approaching. I need to warm up quickly or I'll die. Of course, relaxing while two slavers pull my clothes off isn't even remotely possible.

I want nothing more right now than to gouge the eyes out of these fuckers right now. But I'm not strong enough to take them right now. They'll kill me. Rough hands peel my jacket and sweater away, and rather than fight back I just force my muscles to stiffen so I can't move around.

"Quit it, you moron." Clyde mutters, peeling my wet shirt from my back. "Don't make this harder than it has to be."

"You're living, aren't you?" I spit angrily, hands clenching and unclenching. Clyde blanches and lowers his head.

"Big words!" Ezra chuckles, walking back into my field of vision, a bundle of blankets under one arm. He sizes me up as the clothes get pulled off me, letting out a low whistle. "Gods, whatever those Ylisseans fed you, they fed you well! Are all mercenaries this soft down south?"

"GO FUCK YOURSELF!" I finally snap, lurching to my feet. Fish and Clyde reel back in alarm, and I rush at Ezra. Fuck the rational option, I'm not putting up with these fucks another second!

Of course being as exhausted as I am I take two steps before my legs buckle. I hit the ground like a sack of bricks, and cringe as I hear Ezra laughing above me.

"Not a fan of the fat comments, are you?" Ezra chuckles, placing a boot on my shoulder. "Well, take heart sheep! Looks like you're not all soft after all." He leans over me and prods at my back, right where I got shot in the back near the Farfort. "You weren't kidding about your job, huh? You don't get an injury like that unless you've seen a battlefield. And you don't recover from an injury like that without expensive resources…"

He nods to himself, seemingly coming to a decision, and looks up at his lackeys. "Those axes of his weren't just for show. Let's keep a close eye on this one!" He leans over me. "That one on the leg is freshly healed. What have you been fighting up here, huh?"

"The walking dead." I spit, glaring up at him.

"Ah, those grey skinned monsters that have been running about lately." Ezra leans back and frowns. "You two, finish the job quick. If there's more about I don't want to find out about it without the others."

It only takes a few seconds of being manhandled again by Fish and Clyde for me to shut off. I pull myself out of my own head and detach myself from the remainder of the process. Suffice to say, it ended with me bundled in multiple blankets, curled in a ball, and being carried along by Fish. Clyde was forced to haul my wet clothing.

"This guy freaks me out." Fish says, as the three set off down the road. "He's acting weird."

"Not without your pride, are you?" Ezra says, looking over at me. "The sheep doesn't care much for shearing. Ignore it Fish, he knows he can't pull anything. Without us he's dead. And he's not one of those fools who think death is better than dishonor. There are fates worse than death, but we aren't one of them."

I curl up tighter. The prick chuckles, and walks ahead, to where a horse is waiting.

He's wrong, as far as I'm concerned. What's in store for me is far worse than death. Slavery… yeah, I'd rather die. Death would be so much easier than this.

I just consider suicide to be selfish. Nothing crueler to do to my friends than to put them through my death. Nothing more horrible for my family than to give up on life before I've found them again, to leave them wondering. It's hardly the first time I've thought about killing myself, and it won't be the last.

But I'm not the kind of guy who ruins people's lives just so I can get off easy.

And if I die here then I won't get to kill Ezra or his flunkies. Damned if that isn't worth living for.

The trip to the Slaver's camp takes a while, since Ezra's the only one who came out with a horse. I spend the entirety of it curled into as tight of a ball as I can manage. What little strength I have left is devoted to sealing myself into the blankets I was given, enclosing my entire body inside so that as little bare skin as possible is exposed to the rapidly cooling air.

It's not enough to prevent me shaking like a leaf. My time spent in the icy river has sapped me of all body heat. I try asking Ezra for my tome so I can cast my heating spell at one point, but that goes as well as one would expect. So I sit, chilled to the bone, with arms and legs that only retain feeling due to the pain from hours of fighting the currents. My fingers are starting to look blueish, and I hope it's just a trick of the fading daylight.

After some time, I hear more voices, and poke my head out of the blankets. Night has properly fallen by now, and were it not for the light of torches ahead I wouldn't be able to see a damn thing. An old ruin, from the looks of it. Just the place for a band of criminals. It's truly kind of this world to be so hospitable to its scum, there seems to be no shortage of places like this for these people to hole up in.

I'm brought inside, past rows of jeering faces, from which I remain detached. Ezra leads me to his own room of all places, where my hands and feet are securely bound by rope, and I'm left in front of the fireplace with several more blankets. I curl up in front of the fire desperately, closer than is really safe, in the hope that I'll be able to warm up at least a little.

Clyde returns with a bowl of soup after a few minutes, and I devour it in seconds, nearly making myself sick in the process. To my surprise, they refill the bowl and bring it back.

Ezra watches me closely all the while, his expression ever calculating. "I'm sure I don't need to tell you not to get used to this." He says as I finish off my second bowl of soup. "As soon as we're sure the cold's not going to kill you we're sending you straight to the cells. Next time you eat this good, it'll be your owner feeding you."

I retaliate by staring blankly at him and picturing all the horrible things I'll do once I've regained my strength. It's not much for retaliation, but even he seems a bit unnerved, though he laughs it off easily.

When I get my chance he will wish for death. That is the thought that finally lulls me to sleep.

I wake at the crack of dawn feeling… not well, but certainly better. The room is empty, but my arms and legs still strained so I don't bother looking around. The most exertion I can manage is tossing a fresh log in the fire. Apparently the slavers kept it burning all night. Doesn't that make me feel special.

I stretch my aching muscles out as much as I dare, then sit back by the fire. It's another five minutes before guards come for me, two of them, who lead me to another room near the back of the ruin. The air reeks of incense and disinfectant, and a shabby looking old man has the two guards fight the blankets away from me. A doctor, or whatever passes for one here. He gives me a full check-up, starting with my scars, then looking over the rest of my body. He concludes by having the men hold me still while he takes measurements.

About partway through the procedure I realize that I've stopped being a person to them. I went to sleep a hungry, desperate man, and woke up as merchandise. The thought is jarring enough that I shut my brain down for the next hour or so. By then the procedure is completed, and I've finally been given clothes to wear.

The clothes are more like rags; worn down, scratchy things with rough stitching that look as though they're barely holding together. And I'm so relieved to have something, anything to wear, that I honestly feel grateful for them. When that realization sets in I feel myself break further.

Ezra finally shows his face again by that point, looking me up and down and grinning. "It's a good look for you. You'll be wearing that until we have to present you to buyers, so try to make it last. There won't be replacements." He nods to the guards. "Take him to the cells. Set him up near the back."

I think about making them drag my fat ass over there, but in the end I figure it's better to just go along with things. As far as slavers go they've been downright hospitable so far, and I have no interest in seeing that stop. So I force my tired legs to move, and let the men lead me out.

Emerging from the building reveals to me that there's a lot more to this place than I originally thought. There are several semi-ruined buildings scattered throughout the area, with signs of more having once stood. The river looks to be flowing directly through everything, and the telltale signs of weathered stone and rotten wood sticking up from the water indicates houses one sat where the river flows. It looks like the river was blocked upstream, and ended up diverting through this town instead. It would certainly explain why the town was abandoned.

Ezra's set up in the largest building of the town, which looks to have once been the town hall. The building I'm being escorted to looks to be the next largest, an old church, half crumbled. The front door looks to be blocked by debris, so I'm brought towards a hole in the wall nearby. My legs aren't strong enough to carry me up the sloping pile of rubble leading inside, so I'm forced to give in and make the guards carry me. The pained groans as they struggle to carry my weight bring a sense of vindictive enjoyment that feels weirdly out of place for me.

I enter the place and immediately feel nauseous. My sense of smell is largely wrecked, but the air in this building is able to punch through all the same. I wish I could say it was surprising, but the smell of too many people stuck in too small of a space with no opportunities to bathe is the sort of thing you'd expect to be revolting. But knowing it's going to smell bad doesn't actually prep you for getting slapped in the face by the strength of the stench. I take one step into the entrance and double over gagging.

The stains in the floor tell me I'm not the first to have this reaction, which nearly sends me over the edge. It's a force of pure willpower that keeps my stomach from emptying. I need what little nutrients I can get, thanks. Just because the air is foul doesn't mean my gut is!

There's no candles in this place, but a large hole in the roof makes visibility easy all the same. The main chapel has been completely repurposed, with lines of cages installed throughout. The rows stretch all the way to the back, a twisted echo of the pews that once sat in their place. The windows that lined this building are all barred, and those that aren't have been thoroughly boarded up. The air is thick with dust, visible through the beams of light leaking through bars and the damaged roof.

There's only one guard, a dark-skinned man with shabby clothing and a scarf covering most of his face, likely to deal with the smell. He looks up at the three of us from his chair near the entrance, then apparently decides we're not worth bothering with. He tosses a ring of keys to the guard on the right and lowers his head, as though resting. I'm just another sorry fuck brought in to wallow in filth until they're sold to the highest bidder. Nothing new to this crowd, and nothing worth losing sleep over, apparently.

I'm brought through the building, step by agonizing step, past lines of cages. Only around half of them are filled, but that doesn't make it any easier to see. Men, women, even children are stuck in cages that are built so short that some of the taller ones don't even have room to stand up straight. They weren't built to be comfortable, just secure. And the defeated looks of those present tell me without a doubt that they serve that purpose.

Prisoners in these cages all have the same shit living situation from what I can see. A ratty looking blanket, a bowl, and a hole cut in the floorboards for them to do their business. The floor space is sparse enough that there's not even enough room to lie down corner to corner; these people are forced to curl up in a ball when they sleep. From the looks of things some of them don't even bother leaving that position.

The cages near the back are different though. They're built taller, with enough room to fit in a bed (little more than a wooden table with some extra blankets), and seem to have a toilet as well (a boarded up chair with a hole cut in it, and some rags). I can only assume the slaves that can sell for more get better accommodations. Better in this case being decidedly relative.

The two men stick me in the back corner, near one of the boarded up windows, and lock me in. There's a brief moment where they check to make sure the door is secured properly, but then they just hesitate, giving each other odd looks.

"Is he still sleeping?" The first asks, not quite able to see over the cages.

"I think so, it's kinda hard to tell from here."

"You think we have time then? I bet we can get in and have our fun with her before he even notices." The first guy licks his lips and glances over to the opposite corner eagerly.

"I dunno Grey, if they find out…" The second man looks back towards the door, clearly nervous. "Ezra doesn't want us spoiling the merchandise."

"Who's going to find out?" The first guy, who seems to be named Grey but whom I dub 'Slobber' in my head, looks back over to the corner eagerly. "He's sleeping and we've got the keys, nothing's stopping us from sneaking over and just… breaking her in."

"Should I start yelling for the guard? Because I feel like I should start yelling for the guard now." I reply, trying my best to restrain myself from throwing myself at the cage door. As soon as I realized what these guys were talking about my instincts started screaming at me to commit glorious murder, but snark is about all I feel like I can safely get away with.

The two jump as though they forgot I was here. The scared guy looks back at me horrified, but Slobber gets pissed instead. "The fuck do you get off threatening me? You so fucking stupid you don't know your fucking place around here?"

"I could ask you the same question." I blink in surprise as the guard seems to materialize behind the two of them. I can't even begin to explain how he might have done it, because now that he's out of his chair it's become suddenly clear to me that this guy is built as heavily as I am and is nearly a foot taller.

"I know you've been talked to." The guard says, reaching out and grabbing each of the two. The scared one shrieks in fright as a dark hand clamps down on his wrist like iron. Slobber just gurgles, being lifted off the ground by his throat in a way that reminds me of my fight with the knight yesterday.

Then I hear the popping of bone and a shrill scream as the guard's grip tightens enough to break bone. The scared man falls to the ground squealing as he nurses his arm, but quickly falls silent as the same hand that just released him suddenly snaps up into the face of his friend.

"How many times Grey?" The guard says calmly, staring at Slobber's broken nose. "How many times have we had this discussion?" Slobber tries to respond, but between being choked and the fact that he just got punched in the face, he can't seem to form anything cohesive.

"By my count it's six. Six times I told you to keep your hands off. Then one time Ezra talked to you." The guard nods to himself, then starts punching. His arm moves like a piston, slamming into Slobber's face with meaty thuds, six more times, once for each slight he apparently committed.

By the end of it Slobber is little more than a gasping mess of blood. He isn't let go so much as tossed aside, and he barely moves, save for the rapid rising and falling of his chest as he gasps for air.

The guard turns to the other guy now, who shrieks in fright as he backs into the wall, covering defensively. "Get him out of my sight. And if he survives tell him I won't spare him next time."

The man nods frantically, scampering over to Slobber. With his freshly broken wrist he struggles to pick him up, but eventually he manages to hook him by the armpits and drag him out. The whole time this happens the guard just watches impassively, not moving a muscle until the two are out of the building.

Then he whirls around and slams an arm against my cage, hard enough that the bars bend slightly. It shocks me enough that I fall backwards onto the bed, and from there I stare up at the guard completely petrified. I hear one of the other prisoners nearby burst into tears.

The man's eyes are like dark pits, devoid of warmth and radiating spite. "If you ever talk back to one of your handlers again I will kill you. I don't care how valuable you are, I don't care what the circumstances are. You are a slave now. You will obey. If you can't do that then you're worthless to us. Understand?"

I open my mouth, but words seem to fail me. I'm forced to settle for nodding my head. Frantically. This seems to satisfy the guy, because he doesn't react save to hook his keys back to his belt and head back to the entrance.

I take a moment to collect myself, taking deep breaths and recovering from the shock of seeing that lunatic guard nearly punch his way into an iron cage just to threaten me. What the fuck do they feed that guy? As long as he's on watch there's no fucking chance I can escape. Frederick taught me a bit about hand to hand combat, but even with the martial arts classes I took as a kid there's no way I'm overcoming that. I have a better grasp of the fundamentals than most people, but I'm not at that level.

I need a weapon. Not something improvised either, a proper blade will be a necessity if I'm going to handle that oversized freak. I could also use some backup, but that seems pretty damn unlikely here. My fellow prisoners look to have been broken already; there isn't a damn thing I can do to help them. Doubt I could do it even if we weren't in cages.

So… I need a weapon, I need backup… I need to know where I can possibly go if I escape. I need to acquire all of this without tipping off Chungus the Guard, and without being let out of this cage.

In short, I'm fucked. It takes me all of a minute to check the cell for anything useful, and rather predictably, I find a lot of jack shit. I'm not killing that guard with a table leg.

And then there's the other problem, an even bigger one than Chungus. Now that I've recovered from my time in the river a little, I'm starting to remember this place from the games. A slaver camp running from a collection of ruins, with a river flowing through the middle. Not to mention Ezra with his stupid sheep talk. This is the chapter where Noire is recruited. Which means that if memory serves these slavers have an absolutely absurd array of cavalry, and Ezra's horse backs this theory up. Even if I get away they could easily run me down.

This also gives me a sinking suspicion as to the identity of the girl Slobber and his friend were drooling over. If Noire is here she could potentially be a huge help, but its dark enough at the back here that I can't really tell. I've been placed far away from the other slaves, likely because Ezra is still cautious of me. The most I can make out on the other side is dark shapes. And if I try calling out Chungus is gonna flip his shit.

I'm comfortable with admitting that I'm scared to fucking death of that guy after watching him in action.

I take another deep breath to steady myself, but now that the terror has largely passed I'm starting to notice the stench of this place getting to me. They clearly don't do much cleaning back here, the whole fucking building reeks of ammonia. Pretty sure that'll get dangerous before too long.

I decide to take a page out of Chungus' book and tear a strip from one of my blankets to use as a makeshift scarf. It's not spectacular, but it does make inhaling less disastrous for me.

I take one last look around the cell, hoping for a solution to suddenly appear. Nothing does.

"Well shit." I mutter to myself, taking a seat on the bed. "I guess I'm waiting." 

* * *

Two weeks pass. I learn plenty in that time.

The most relieving thing I learn: they do actually clean up in the church. It looks like I just had the misfortune of arriving right before cleaning time, which seems to happen once every couple of weeks. Of course part of the nature of being a slave is that our sorry asses are forced to do the cleaning ourselves. There's a sort of cellar area that they send the slaves into, where they spend the day mucking it out with shovels.

To nobody's surprise though the last thing these guys seem inclined to do is to leave me with a bladed instrument. Instead they march everyone else out of the building into the cellar, and have me scrub the floors while the others dig. Then they herd me back into the cage and lock me away before sending everyone else back. Another important bit of information: they don't want to give me the chance to interact with the others.

This unfortunately means they keep me back and out of sight while the others are lead in and out, so I don't get the chance to check for Noire. I can only assume it's the result of my outburst day one. I stuck up for another prisoner, even if I didn't know who they were, so now they want to keep me separated. They seem to know that if I got the chance I'd rally these people.

Meals consist of stale bread and gruel, delivered twice a day. Occasionally if they're feeling generous the high quality prisoners get some scraps of rabbit thrown in, leftovers from whatever these guys manage to catch. It's mostly offal, unceremoniously roasted on a fire and dumped in the bowl with the gruel, but I take what I can get. Out of everything that goes on at this camp it's the diet of all things that wears at my spirit the most. I'm a big eater, always have been.

We're left to our own devices outside of cleaning duties and mealtimes, with only Chungus the guard to watch over us. The only time I've seen the man take a break is cleaning day. The rest of the time he just sits in his chair by the entrance. As far as I can tell he manages it by sleeping at all times, and waking up at the slightest noise.

Talking is forbidden, so I take a page from a certain wise uncle on television and spend my free time working out. Push-ups, sit-ups, chin-ups, squats… I even try using my bed to lift weights until the noise earns me another warning from Chungus. If a chance to escape does come I refuse to let myself be caught unprepared.

All of this is useful information, but there's been plenty of bad to go with the useful stuff. The place does make regular sales, I've seen several people get taken away to be tidied up and sold to the highest bidder. There's also been a couple of new people brought in as well. All the movement happening has been with the lower quality slaves though; it looks like those of us kept in the back are sold through a different system.

Also problematic is the simple fact that people are dying in here. One of the new people brought in was a woman who sobbed for two days straight until the guard got fed up with it and beat her to death. A man who was caged nearby seemed to think this was the last straw; he was found having chewed through his own tongue the next morning. I only know because I heard the men on feeding duty screeching about it the next morning.

The cages up there have a lot more people in them. I'm sure there were a few that must have seen him do this. How long did they watch him as he bled to death, too scared to call for help?

These slavers have to die. They need to be killed and I will take pleasure in doing it.

This brings me to the last and most important thing I've realized since being locked up here: I'm on my own. The Shepherds know I was washed down the river, and the river leads right through this camp. If the Shepherds found this camp they'd destroy it. It's not even a question. Which means the fact that this camp is still standing after two weeks can only mean the Shepherds aren't looking for me.

By swimming in the river I covered a lot of ground, but not more than they could follow. I may be much stronger than I was when I first arrived here, but there's no way I gained a two week lead on them just swimming. It wouldn't have taken them more than a week to find me.

Most likely scenario? They saw me get washed away, maybe spent a few hours searching the river banks for me, and came to the conclusion that finding me would take too long. That my life can't hold up to the needs of the whole Halidom of Ylisse. They then probably proceeded to weep bitter tears and continue north to do their duty by wiping out the bandits. It's a reasonable course of action, since they have such a narrow deadline to work with.

I spent some time trying to think of how the scenario would have been resolved when my other self dealt with it, but it occurred to me before long that since that timeline didn't have Risen Future Ben never got into that mess. Hell, he might not have even pissed Flavia off. The butterfly effect gets up to some crazy shit sometimes.

The next thought that came to my mind was the video games, but that was even more depressing, since it would involve waiting about three years for the Shepherds to show up when they're supposed to. No chance I haven't been sold by then.

So I've basically lost the biggest advantages that've been keeping me alive since I first showed up here. I have no backup, no weapons, no knowledge of the future, and I'm not being underestimated.

Two weeks have passed and what I have learned is that I don't stand a fucking chance. My best hope for getting out of this mess in one piece is hoping that my captors try to ransom me back to Ylisse, and somehow Emmeryn hears about it. Nobody else in that country is going to give a shit about me, since my friends are running around the Feroxi countryside chasing criminals.

They could just as easily sell me to somebody else though. Hell, they could sell me to Plegia. Not worth the risk. I need to be proactive. My chance of escape may be so slim as to appear nonexistent, but I'm aiming for that chance all the same. I'm damned if I do nothing, and almost certainly damned if I try something. The choice is clear.

I need some proper fucking resources. Once I have something, anything to tilt the odds more in my favor, I'm gonna get out, or die trying. 

* * *

**I believe a couple of people were guessing Noire would be the one to save Ben from the river. Well, your guess wasn't too far off! Same chapter, just the wrong team. And unlike the games, this Ezra isn't a fucking moron who leaves his prisoners unguarded in a room with a weapon... and an open door. Seriously, what kind of slaver does that? Clearly the kind in need of major improvements!**

 **Improvements in this case meaning horrible living conditions and a murderous guard that drives people to kill themselves out of fear. It's a relative term.**

 **Next time: Ben breaks out of Paralogue hell.**


	15. Chapter 14

**Apparently it's been two and a half weeks? Honestly doesn't feel like that much time has passed, so sorry about the wait! Life just gets busy sometimes.  
**

* * *

Another week passes before I finally see a glimmer of hope.

I'm scrubbing the prison floor when it happens. Chungus is gone, enjoying his day off by spending some time eating babies, or performing ritualistic sacrifice, or whatever the fuck monsters like him do. The other prisoners have been moved into the cellar, and I'm stuck in the building with Fish and Clyde, the two rejects Ezra was with when I was captured. They're watching me while I scrub up the blood from that poor woman Chungus killed. Of course, since it's been sitting for two weeks I'm not having a lot of luck. Most of its stained into the wood.

I don't have the luxury of making excuses though, so I just buckle down and put as much elbow grease into the mess as I can. If they see the slightest hint of me slacking off they start screaming and throwing punches. It's more a matter of keeping my sanity though; letting somebody as fucking pathetic as these two hit me is just… ugh.

I could take them. They have no skill in fighting beyond throwing their weight around, and I've been trained by Ylisse's best. I'm also pretty goddamn heavy myself (though three weeks of being nearly starved has taken the edge off of that), and spend literally all of my free time lately working out. It would be close though.

I'm running out of time. My body is losing far too much weight; by my best guess I've lost nearly forty pounds in the last few weeks. I can feel my body reaching its limits as I burn through fat pushing myself and don't get nearly enough nutrition to make up for the loss.

Today is my best chance to get an advantage. Fish and Clyde may be assigned just to watch me, but they're fuckwits. They don't have Chungus' eye for shenanigans, and they're not even remotely as intimidating.

The real advantage comes from their attitude though. Chungus doesn't seem particularly smart, he just knows how to scare the piss out of people, and knows that a zero tolerance policy is his best option for keeping people in line. That makes him smarter than the average thug, sure, but that says little.

If I have something to give me a proper leg up on him then I can handle the oversized fuck. And I think I've come up with a way.

I've just got to dig at these floorboards until I can get a nail. And it just so happens that all the blood that's soaked into and sat in the wood for two weeks has created my best chance at doing so. It may be cold as hell outside, but the floorboards are sitting on top of a mess of steaming human waste. Perfect conditions for rot to set in, which is a big part of why they clean that space out on a regular basis. But between the blood and the mess down below, the boards here are weakened. It's a minor thing, the cold does a lot to hold the rot back, but I can use it.

Yeah, the elbow grease isn't really for the sake of cleaning. It's actually so I can rub away at one spot on the floor, where the rot is setting in around the nails. I've been scrubbing the same area for nearly two hours, and the shit stains watching me still haven't clued in. I've already removed nearly two millimetres around the nail. Enough that I can almost get my fingers on it.

… Another week and I could make this work…

Yeah, bravado isn't really getting me anywhere here. I don't have much chance of making this work. Even if I wore the board down to splinters, the beam the board is nailed to would still be stuck. The nails here are made with much older forging techniques than I'm used to seeing even back in Ylisstol. They're bigger, making them more useful as a weapon, but also rougher, making them way harder to pull out. I need leverage to get at this thing.

All I have is a (surprisingly durable) scrub brush, a bucket of greasy water, and my hands. I can't really do much with that stuff without tipping off my handlers though. So I keep scrubbing away mechanically, all the while trying to come up with a game plan.

Another hour passes as I reject plan after plan in my mind. I'm starting to contemplate something more… desperate, like rushing my guards and fighting my way out while I'm still physically capable of it. If I wait until the next cleaning day I'll be too malnourished to survive.

Another hour later and I'm truly considering it. Wearing away the nail is proving an increasingly unlikely task, as the deeper I scrape at the wood the less rot there is, and the harder it becomes to make progress. I'm three millimetres in, enough that I can get my fingernails under the head of the nail. Trying to remove it now would just tear my fingernails out though.

If I toss this water in Fish's face it might distract him long enough for me to bash Clyde's brains in…

My thoughts are disrupted as a loud screech sounds in the air. One of Ezra's Griffons must be getting hungry. The poor things are probably almost as underfed as the prisoners here.

Another screech has me frowning. "They sound upset about something…" I mumble, still scrubbing at the wood.

"Shut up and clean better!" Fish grunts, kicking at my heels. I lower my head and make a show of scrubbing harder to shut the man up.

About five seconds later frantic yelling from outside starts to accompany the screaming of the Griffons. Fish and Clyde start muttering to each other nervously, but I tune them out, trying to listen to the yelling instead. If something's going on outside, I might not have to do anything crazy just yet…

A sudden shadow passes overhead. I blink in surprise, and look up.

"Oi, what did I just say?" Fish stomps over angrily.

"Your Griffons are out." I reply, not even looking in his direction. All I can focus on is the sight of Griffons flying like crazy overhead. There's around half a dozen of them, all flying away as fast as they can.

Fish pauses, probably looking up through the hole in the roof like I am. "Oh, shit!" He exclaims in shock.

"Oh, shit!" Clyde echoes. The two rush over to the entrance, no doubt trying to figure out what's going on.

It takes me several seconds before I realize what's just happened. Once I clue in though, I don't waste any time.

I slap the bucket. Filthy water pours out over the floor with a clang, and I cringe at the sound, eyes darting to the morons. And thank the fucking lord they're doing their idiot heritage proud, staring blankly out the entrance without even glancing in my direction. When I grab the bucket next I'm considerably more careful.

The edge of the bucket is swiftly and quietly positioned under the head of the nail, and I start pulling. Its slow going at first, but the bucket gives me enough leverage to get the thing moving. And once it starts to move it gets much easier.

The result is a slightly rusty nail, almost as long as my hand and about the width of my finger. I take advantage of the scrub brush and polish some of the rust off quickly, then stash it inside my pant leg. The ratty clothing I've been given makes tangling the nail securely out of sight pretty easy.

Roughly half a minute later Ezra comes bursting into the church, screaming obscenities at Fish and Clyde. He finds me scrubbing away with the last of the water and comes to an abrupt stop, staring at me in disbelief.

"Your guards kicked over my bucket when they were running around." I say, giving him my best dead-eyed stare. "I'd ask for another, but it looks like you've got other things to worry about."

Ezra backhands me in the face. I try to weather the blow, but I'm running on fumes and way lighter than I'm really used to, so he knocks me on my ass regardless. "Get him in his cell. Now. Get them all in their cells. They'll just have to live with the smell. If they work fast enough tomorrow they can finish the job."

Fish and Clyde stare blankly for a few seconds, which seems to be about all that's left of Ezra's patience. "Did I fucking stutter? MOVE. Every second you stand around gaping like morons is time we could be spending cleaning up after Grey's fuck up. If we don't round up-" He stops at that, looking back to me as though suddenly remembering that I'm there. He whirls back to the morons. "You still haven't moved."

The two flinch, run to me, and hoist me to my feet by my armpits. Fish drags me to the cell, and Clyde runs ahead, fumbling with the keys. They chase me to the back of my room and keep me there while the other prisoners are brought back inside. Just like before, I have no opportunity to check for familiar faces.

Which is fine at this point. I've got my hands full just worrying about me. 

* * *

The prisoners were worked two days in a row. Unusual, but apparently necessary. Work on day two consisted of nailing boards and canvas over the gaps in the building. Seems like winter's due to set in properly real soon, and having a hole in the roof for snow to get in is bad for the stock.

Of course I'm left out of this work. They don't want to risk letting me get my hands on a hammer, or nails. Little do they know… I already have a nail. And that nail is now being used to get… more nails.

It's all I have to work with, so I'm going to damn well get the most out of it. Chungus is still taking time off while the prisoners are working, and I'm locked up in my cage, so the guards focus on all the prisoners that have hammers instead. That leaves me plenty of time unsupervised, to myself.

With no need to be sneaky about it I just tear into the corner by my toilet and dig up another nail. It takes the better part of the day, but I'm now twice as armed as before. And once that's done I decide to abide by the rule of threes, like any proper gamer would. I'm back under watch by this point, so the last nail takes me a good three days more to safely remove. It's mind numbing hours of quietly working my nail into the wood, chipping it away bit by bit and discarding the scraps into the toilet. I can't pound it in with anything; the noise would be a dead giveaway to my plan. So I just scrape. Slowly.

I don't know what it says about my sanity that I'm able to focus on this so intently. My mental state was always rather dubious, so after all this? I'm lucky I'm still thinking straight. A part of me wonders if the depression is helping in a way. I've been fighting through despair all my life, after all. This is just a slightly more extreme version of my worst days.

The newfound sense of optimism is… weird, honestly. But not too hard to understand. I have weapons, shit though they may be. I have a plan, shit though it may be. I'm as ready to carry it out as I'll ever be.

One way or another I won't be caged here for much longer. 

* * *

"HEY FUCKFACE!"

The first phase of my plan is rather obvious.

"DO YOU HEAR ME YOU NECKLESS TROLL, GET OVER HERE."

It's also pretty satisfying.

"YOU UGLY PILE OF SHIT! YOU FAT STUPID FUCK! COME FUCKING KILL ME LIKE YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD, IF YOU HAVE THE BALLS FOR IT! OVERSIZED PANTY-WAIST SON OF A WHORE!"

Chungus takes his time walking over, like he has every other time he's singled out one of his prisoners.

"YOU WALKING HORSE SCROTUM! YOU SLIMY PILE OF DOG VOMIT. YOUR SLUT MOTHER SHOULD HAVE SWALLOWED YOU LIKE SHE DID THE REST OF THE GOAT JIZZ SHE DRANK BEFORE BED!"

So far this is my favorite part of the plan. Insulting this guy is a masterpiece in catharsis. This is also the phase of the plan where I'm least likely to die, so that's a plus.

"I told you what would happen if you talked back." Chungus says slowly, cracking his knuckles as he comes looming out of the darkness.

"Yeah, I know, I clearly referenced that in my third insult." I scoff, brandishing the leg of my bed at him from behind the bars of my cage. "Were you even paying attention?"

"I don't make a habit of listening to what dead men have to say." Chungus leers at me, pulling the keys from his waist.

"Wow." I step back and blink. "Do you spend your days off at the theatre, or does this world just not know what the fuck a cliché is? Because that was just the most generic 'tough guy' machismo bullshit I've ever heard."

Chungus proves to be a man of his word, ignoring me and walking up to the door. "I told Ezra I'd have to kill you. He wanted to keep you so badly, but I knew you'd take too long to break. I've been looking forward to this."

"Bitch, I was broken when I got here." I laugh mirthlessly as the door opens. Phase one successfully completed.

Then he grabs me and I'm not laughing anymore.

Chungus is no stranger to hurting people. He is a meticulous monster who crushes people piece by piece, and that all comes back to his ability to hurt people with his bare hands. His freakshow gorilla arms are deceptively fast, and I'm in a small room with no room to run. When he reaches in I have nowhere to go.

I'm dragged bodily out of the cage by the arm, so that Chungus can deliver his punishment, and start swinging my makeshift club the moment I'm out. He catches it with his free hand, and I do what any sensible person would do: go straight for the balls. Chungus sees my leg going for him and heaves me right off my feet, throwing me into the wall. A poor move on his part: if he'd thrown me at one of the cages I'd be in way worse shape.

As it is the worn down wooden walls of the church make for a comparatively soft landing, though they still nearly knock the wind out of me. Even half-starved to death I'm not light enough to toss around without some difficulty, it seems. I bounce back to my feet just in time to duck away from a haymaker that smashes a hole in the wooden wall, and respond by swinging my club into his side.

The feel of the blow is satisfying, but other than a hissing of air from his nostrils he doesn't react, instead ripping the club from my hand and tossing it aside. I throw a punch, but it's weak enough that he doesn't seem to even notice it.

His hands bulldoze past my guard and grab my throat. I feel a vice around my windpipe immediately. He leans over me, a self-satisfied grin on my face as he pins me to the wall.

We got here sooner than expected, but I'm not complaining. Never had any illusions about winning a fist fight with Chungus.

I paw weakly at his face with my left hand, while my right grabs the first nail from the waist of my trousers. I drive it into his face before he realizes what hit him.

His head snaps aside as his eyeball pops, and I curse as he throws himself backwards, tearing the nail from my hand before I can drive it into his brain. He bellows like an ox, clutching at his bleeding face.

When he looks back up at me his remaining eye is burning with hatred, but I've retrieved my club by then, and am already swinging for his head. He brings an arm up in time to block it, but it's a clumsy attempt; I break two of the fingers on his right hand.

He rushes at me shoulder-first, slamming me into the wall, and I bring the second nail into his gut. The nail is pretty dull, but I'm running on pure adrenaline and hatred right now so I make the move work. As soon as I feel give I start twisting, and he gasps as I drill into his intestines.

He staggers back, looking down at the mess I've made in shock (though most of said damage is internal), and I tear the nail out as he goes. Blood pours from the wound, but if their doctor can work a staff this won't be enough to kill him. Most he can die from so far is infection.

Chungus seems to realize this too, and I see him straighten in resolve as he looks back up at me. His remaining eye hardens once more, his hands move away from his injuries, and he seems to pull himself together once more.

Then he turns and starts running.

"What the fuck?" I blink in shock for a moment before events catch up to me. Chungus seemed so freaking prideful I didn't expect him to do the smart thing and go to warn the others. If he does though… "Shit!"

I rush after him as he rounds the corner. If he gets out of the building it's over for me. The guards at the other building will realize something's wrong and I'll be killed. Possibly along with the other prisoners for good measure. "Get back here you coward!"

Chungus looks back at me and grins. His head start is enough, and he knows it. That gut wound isn't slowing him down at all. I can outrun him, but he'll be within earshot of his friends by the time I catch up. If only there was some way to slow him down, or trip him-

As I'm thinking this an arm lunges out of a cage and grabs Chungus by the ankle. Oh. Well I guess that works.

Well, it works for me, at least. It definitely doesn't work out for either of the other two involved parties. Chungus is moving fast enough that the arm that grabs him is wrenched backwards against the bars of the cage and brutally broken. But it proves to be enough to trip Chungus, who falls to the ground hard enough that the cage doors rattle. He barely manages to catch himself, but when somebody that big goes over he fucking feels it.

Basically when I reach the two of them both are screaming blue murder. The prisoner is thrashing around in the dark of the cage, clutching their arm in pain, while Chungus looks to have injured his wrist while breaking his fall. He's still struggling to recover, but I don't let him. Nail number two comes to a final stop in his throat, putting a stop to his screaming. I practically have to mount the freak from behind in order to get it there, but I damn well make it work. And then, while he clutches at his throat in vain, I roll him over with a solid kick (his thrashing around actually makes this easier), and bring the club up again.

Hammer, meet nail. Nice of him to leave the first one in his eye, right where I left it. The first blow is clumsy, only half hitting my target, but it does the job well enough, driving the nail further in and killing the man immediately. The next five hits are entirely unnecessary. I just hate this fucker too much to stop.

Once that's done, and I can look down at my handiwork in satisfaction, I grab the keys from Chungus' belt and move to the cage of my assistant. I open the door and get down on one knee next to the poor bugger, laying a hand gently on their shoulder. "Easy there, pal. Not sure how bad the break is, but no way all that kicking and screaming is gonna help matters."

There's a choked gasp as I help them to their feet. "Here we go, come on, let's get you sat down by the torch over there so we can take a proper look at this."

"M-mister Benjamin?" A voice asks tentatively.

My jaw drops. "Donnel?"

I lead the way out of the cage and towards the single torch set by the entrance, revealing that it is indeed Donnel, sobbing quietly as he cradles his arm. "Aww fuck, you broke your left again Donny?"

"Is it really you M-mister Benjamin?" Donnel stares up at me, wide-eyed. "We were reckonin' you might be here, but we-" He breaks off for a moment, gasping with either pain or emotion. "We never saw hide nor hair of you. I was starting to think that you, you were-"

"Well I'm not." I cut him off firmly. "I'm here, alive and ready to kick some ass. See, killed that guard, and it only cost me a couple of fingers!" I pause for a moment and do a quick self-diagnosis, just to be sure. "Also might have cracked some ribs. Damn, he threw me harder than I thought."

"Oh, this is amazin', it surely is!" Donnel gasps in delight. "Severa's gonna be pleased as a pig in slop that we found you!"

"Severa's here too?" I freeze in shock and whirl around to the other cages. "Severa? Severa, speak up!"

"Oh no, begging your pardon Mister Benjamin, I didn't mean to imply she was stuck in one of these here cages!" Donnel protests, waving his good arm for a moment before letting out a sharp cry of pain and cradling his broken one again. "Ah… I meant that she's out in the woods. The two of us have been watching this place for weeks now. Only a few days ago, I went and got captured while out setting snares… again." His face becomes visibly irritated as he trails off.

"That's good then! She can help us get these people out of here!" I turn and regard the other cages at that. "Speaking of which, I should get started on that." 

* * *

Donnel needs to rest from his injury, so I handle most of the walking around while he sits at the entrance. Opening the cages proves to be surreal for everyone involved, and not nearly as rewarding as I'd hoped. Most of the people in the cages don't as much as look at me. They still don't believe they have a chance to get out, even with that monster of a guard lying dead by the entrance. Only a few dare to shuffle out of the cages, most of them the newer prisoners. One of them, a teenage boy by the name of Darius, decides to help me out by lighting a spare torch and letting me see what I'm doing. The others just stare at the floor, seeming content to wait until they're herded back in.

Then I reach the final row of cages, the ones for important prisoners. The same place I've been trapped for almost a month. I take a deep breath.

"Ready with that light, Darius?"

"I am, sir." His voice shakes as he replies, but I pretend not to notice. He's better off than most here, so I'm happy to have him.

"Good man. Let's finish the job."

There's a dozen of these cages, and only half of them were occupied, not including myself. My closest neighbors in this hellhole, and I never got to so much as look at them. It's an odd feeling, seeing them for the first time under these circumstances. It almost seems more… personal than with the others I've released.

The first two cages house some Feroxi soldiers, Ambrose and Julia, both of whom have been trapped for long enough that they're practically skin and bone. They tell me they stumbled upon this operation months ago, as part of a larger group. They were ambushed by Ezra's Griffons and torn apart. There were other survivors, all sold and shipped off overseas as private bodyguards not long before I was picked up.

The next is the child of a local landowner, who was being held for ransom. He's far too young for this place, though he seems in good health. The soldiers were giving him their share of bread.

The next is an adult woman who gets so anxious watching as I sort through the keys that she breaks into hysterics. She's inconsolable, to the point where I never find out why she was kept here.

I have the soldiers lead her away, then look to the next cage. The torchlight is dim enough that it barely fills the distance between cages, and I wave Darius closer.

The prisoner sits cross-legged in the middle of the cage, back to the bars. Her figure is clearly female, and she has black hair down to her shoulders. She's muttering to herself about something, though I can't make out the words from where I'm standing.

"You alright in there?" I ask, starting to cycle through keys. The girl doesn't respond, though her muttering increases slightly in volume. "Uhh, hello?" I finally get the cage open and open the door, which squeaks loudly. The girl doesn't respond. I look back to Darius in confusion. The boy can only shrug in response.

"Okay then." I sigh and step into the cage. "Come on miss, let's not keep the next one in line waiting."

I place a hand gently on her shoulder, and she immediately whirls around. "BLOOD AND THUNDER! CEASE YOUR PRATTLE, FOOL. I WILL ADDRESS YOU WHEN I AM GOOD AND READY!"

"Holy shit, Noire!" I lean back in shock. After all this time I'd completely forgotten there was a chance I'd find her here. I whirl around and toss Darius the keys. "Here kid, finish up for me will you?"

The boy fumbles with the keys for a moment, but manages to catch them, nods dutifully, and rushes along to the last cage. This leaves me free to turn back to a shocked Noire, who stares up at me like she's seen a ghost.

"Uncle Ben? You… know who I am?" Noire says quietly.

"Course I do!" I grin down at her. The sudden personality shift is a dead giveaway honestly, though I keep that thought internalized. "I'm totally in the loop."

"Oh my goodness!" Noire gasps in shock. "Ben was right! I mean, you were right! Which isn't unusual, I guess, but I didn't think it would still apply in the past!"

"Uh… huh." I blink at the outburst, and look over to Darius nervously. He's shooting curious glances in this direction, but the last prisoner seems to be a talker, so the kid's distracted. "Let's keep the future talk on the down low for now, okay Noire?"

"Oh! Right, I'm sorry!" Noire winces, clapping her hands to her mouth. "I just, I heard your voice, and I thought I recognized it, but I didn't think it could actually be you. I heard you, when they brought you here weeks ago, but you never said anything since then so I thought I might be imagining things. And even though you said you'd know all about the time travel in this time I was scared because I didn't know if I should risk talking to you. And, and I thought to myself, 'I haven't been born yet so he won't even recognize me.'"

She steps closer as the words come spilling out, faster and faster, "I wanted to call to you so badly, but I didn't think it could really be you, and if I did speak that guard would have probably killed me. Or do worse things, like the other guards who stare at me whenever they bring food, and… and… BWAAAAAH!" She bursts into tears and I immediately brace for impact.

The girl collapses against my chest, and I cringe as I realize how little she weighs. If memory serves Noire was always anemic; it's a wonder she's survived with the diet she's been living off of here. Even with cracked ribs I barely feel the impact as she cries into my arms. "I've been so scared, and I couldn't do anything without my bow, or any of my friends! The men here keep looking at me like they want to… to… and… and I was nearly sold to a nobleman last month and I know he would've!"

"Oh my god." I feel myself choking up as she speaks, and hold her as tightly as I can with my broken fingers. "Oh Noire, it's okay, it'll all be okay now."

"YOU'RE LATE! YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE SOONER, DAMN FOOL!" She screams even as she sobs, her two personalities seeming to blend together as I hold her.

"I know, kiddo." I reply, "I'm sorry."

Even my depressed ass doesn't believe the things she's saying, but I'd do her no good arguing. Bad as this place has been for me, I know she's had it so much worse.

"I've got you." I say, rubbing circles in her back. "I'm gonna get you out of here, and we're going to meet up with Severa again, and-"

"Severa?" Noire looks up at me hopefully. "She's here? You've talked to her?"

"She joined the Shepherds a couple months ago." I reply with a grin. "Donnel says she's been out here trying to find us for a few weeks now. She probably knows you're here; lord knows they let you outside more than they ever did with me. Running story is that she grew up in a mercenary group, so we'll just tell everyone you're from the same group."

"Umm… okay?" Her expression tells me she's got a lot more questions, but I cut her off with a shake of my head.

"I'll let her fill you in on things around here once we meet up." I say, gently detaching myself from her. "Come on, let's get everyone out of here."

"Right!" Noire wipes the tears from her eyes and gives me a fragile smile.

It's a short walk to where the others are, but what I see in that time is enough to worry me. Noire leans heavily on me the whole walk. It's possible that it's just an emotional support thing, but the way she's breathing heavily tells me that there's more to it than that. The girl barely has the strength to stand.

I bring her straight to Donnel, who's getting some basic field medicine done on his arm courtesy of Ambrose. "How's it looking?" I ask as I approach.

"It's a bad break." Ambrose says grimly, as he fashions a sling out of blankets and Chungus' belt. "And it doesn't help that he's broken this same arm a month ago. Could lead to some mobility problems down the line."

Donnel looks about as stunned at that as I feel, and I clap him on the shoulder to snap him out of it. "Chin up, Donny. When we get back Lissa will patch it up good as new." Seeing the relieved smile on his face eases the sudden tension I feel in my gut. Ambrose gives me a look, but thankfully chooses not to comment.

Looks like Ambrose has proper medical training, though he lacks a staff, so I leave Noire with him as well and move on to Julia, who's keeping watch by the entrance. The rest of the prisoners nailed up blankets when they were working the other day, so the dark maw of a hole is well covered, save for a small gap that she peers through. "Any sign the others know what's going on?"

"All that yelling you two did, they know something happened." Julia snorts, eyes not moving from the opening. "They won't check tonight though. The only person they fear more than that guard is Ezra. It's a near thing, but once he's up in the morning they'll send people over to clean you off the walls."

"And when they discover it's Chungus instead of me they'll be real pissed off." I pause at the look she gives me, and realize that this is the first time I've used the nickname out loud. "I don't know his real name and I don't care to. He's Chungus, and will forever be remembered as such."

Julia snorts at that, finally turning away from the door. "I suppose if I was told to picture a Chungus, that's what I'd come up with." Julia is clearly a woman of impeccable tastes, and I can't help but grin at her response.

We chat for a little while longer until Ambrose finally joins us. "That girl you brought to me is in rough shape." He says without preamble. "As in, she might be in the worst health here, and that's saying something."

"Fuck." I grimace, "Okay, where's the nearest settlement from here? No, shit, not just a settlement, it needs to have proper fortifications."

"Best bet would probably be the wall." Julia says after a moment of thought. "If the weather waits just a little longer to turn, we could make it in a day and a half."

"How many of them could keep that pace?" I look back at the huddled prisoners, most of whom still stare dead-eyed at the floor.

"Half if we're lucky." Ambrose says.

"Sounds about right." I sigh and drag my hair back from my face. "Okay, how about unfortified settlements between here and the Longfort?"

"There aren't any." Julia says. "The people that used to live here scattered all over Regna Ferox, so there's no real trade route through here anymore."

"Shit fucking hell ass balls." I gasp out. "Okay, fine. Donnel! Front and center, man!"

Donnel's already standing, having given his seat to Noire, and jogs over immediately. "Yes Sir Mister Benjamin, what are you needin' of me Sir?" 'Sir Mister Benjamin', holy shit kid we have to talk about this title thing once we're not about to die.

"You know where Severa's made camp?" I ask urgently.

Donnel raises his hand to his chin thoughtfully as he muses. "Well, I know where she was camping a few days ago, but we've been moving around for weeks now. I reckon she's found a new spot, especially after I done went and got myself caught! But… I might be able to track her down."

"How likely is that?"

"It'll be real tricky, Severa's real good at sneaking and whatnot…" Donnel thinks for a few moments. "But I can do it. I been camping with her long enough that I know all the stuff she tends to miss when she's covering her tracks."

I think back to Cordelia's spear lesson, when Donnel showed how potent his vision is. "Alright. Do it. Now. Find her, and bring her back as quickly as possible. Make sure to tell her where I am when you do."

Julia and Ambrose trade uneasy looks as I lead Donnel outside. The kid has an uncertain frown on his face. "Uhh, and where are you going?"

I put the question aside and stick my head back in, looking to Julia. "Anyone who pokes their head in that isn't me, Donnel, or a pouty redhead, you kill them, alright?"

"Are you doing what I think you're doing?" Julia looks at me nervously.

"Fuck yes I am." I give her a savage grin. "The way I see it, we won't be able to leave any time soon, which means we need to get our hands on two things: supplies and security. And it just so happens that there's only one way to get both of those things here."

"If this goes wrong we could all be killed."

"If it looks like it's going wrong then get everyone back in their cages. If it looks like they haven't left then there's no reason to kill them." I look back at the others and frown. "Doesn't look like they'd argue anyways."

Julia grimaces at my assessment, but doesn't disagree. I nod at her implied agreement and call out to the rest of the room. "Alright folks, I'm stepping out for a bit! Julia's in charge while I'm gone. Be good now!" Most don't even look in my direction. Even Darius seems preoccupied, looking after that noble's kid. I guess sarcastic humor isn't really hitting home with anyone at the moment. Which is fair.

I duck back outside and find Donnel still looking up at me, worry plain to see all over his face. "Uhh, M-Mister Benjamin?"

"Hmm? Oh right, your question." I nod to myself, and gesture vaguely in the direction of the main building. "I'm going to go kill those people."

Donnel's eyes bug out of his head. "You're- You- Huh?"

"An excellent point, and eloquently put!" I move to clap him on the shoulder again, but stop when I realize I can only reach his left shoulder from where I'm standing. I ruffle his hair instead. "And while I recognize your concerns, I have several very valid reasons to do this."

"You mean the supply thing you were talking with Miss Julia about?"

"Yeah, that's certainly important." I nod sagely, drawing my nail. "But mostly, I just want to murder them."

Donnel's eyes somehow bulge even wider, and I smile grimly. "Do yourself a favor, Donnel. Don't go after me unless it's absolutely necessary. I'd keep Severa out of this as well, but she's the strongest person in the area by a longshot, so I'll probably need her help."

Donnel looks like he desperately wants to argue, but can't seem to find the words. When he does find his resolve a moment later, he simply nods grimly and dashes off for the woods without saying a word. The darkness swallows him up in an instant, and I'm left standing alone outside the door.

For the best really. I'm about to let out a lot of pent up aggression here. And I'm not sure I want anyone to have a front seat to what I have planned.

* * *

 **Apparently when I labelled this story as a "self indulgent self insert", what I meant was: "I'm gonna adopt like, thirty teenagers!"**

 **... Yeah that seems reasonable.**

 **Other self-indulgence goal: "I'm gonna bathe in the blood of my enemies!"**

 **There's gonna be a lot of that going on next time. =D**


	16. Chapter 15

**I'm not going to mince words here people, this chapter gets downright gratuitous with the violence. It's really fucking gory. This is your warning if you have issues with that sort of thing.**

* * *

A single torch sits outside the front door of the entrance to the slaver hideout. Two men shiver in the cold below it, squinting out into the dark. The one on the left leans on a spear, while the one on the right sits on the ground, a sword lying just within reach.

"I swear I heard something just now." The spearman says nervously, squinting into the night.

"You're hearing things." The other replies dismissively. "All that screaming next door has you paranoid."

"Ugh. Don't remind me." The first man winces. "I hate cleaning up after all the damn messes whenever this happens."

"Don't see what you're fussed about. Wolves do most of the cleaning this time of year anyways."

It's at this point that I emerge into the torchlight and swing my club into the swordsman's head, cracking it against the wall behind him. He slumps over, stunned, as I continue to his friend. The man turns to look at me in surprise, but doesn't even have time to ready his spear before I've thrown myself on him. I direct as much of my weight as I can into the nail, and lodge it deep in his chest as we fall to the ground. For good measure I finish by elbowing him in the throat, to make sure he can't call out before he dies.

"Ow, shit. What the hell was-" The swordsman sits up groggily, and stops abruptly as I rise from his dying friend. "Wait, you're out? How the fuck?"

He scrambles for his sword, but the prick is still dizzy, so he's not moving as fast as he wants to. Plenty of time for me to pick up the spear and drive it in. The swordsman is still on his hands and knees, so I stab him just above the collarbone, and pretty much decimate everything in his ribcage. It's bad enough that he stops breathing well before the first guy does.

"Heh." I smirk as I pick up the sword. "My spear form's improving. Frederick will be so proud."

Three down, fuck knows how many to go. These last two were painfully easy. Honestly, how the fuck are you going to keep a proper lookout with a torch lit? Do these fuckers not know how fucking eyes work? If you want to see in the dark you have to be in the dark. Even in a world without light pollution there's plenty to see by at night. The moon's waning gibbous, and there are stars aplenty.

It's a beautiful night for a massacre.

* * *

Ezra's gang has clearly grown complacent. Their griffons let them see incoming soldiers or travellers long before they can even get close, and their prison guard is more ogre than human.

All signs indicate they've been here for a couple of years at least with no trouble. I imagine with the dreaded bandits Victor and Vincent raising hell not far north of here they've managed to slip under the radar. Otherwise a gang like this wouldn't be able to hold up so close to the Longfort without getting routed. If the games are any indication, they'll continue to hold out here for years to come without intervention, until the slavers become a fully mounted cavalry/air force combo that ride over the opposition without trouble.

A part of me wonders if I'm tampering with history by doing what I'm doing now. It's at least a couple years too early for the Shepherds to stop this operation.

The other part of me continues carving open the guts of the bandit in front of me and very aggressively chooses to _not give a fuck._

Fate can kiss my ass. I want these people dead. I honestly don't care about the supply situation, or the rescued prisoners (Noire and Donnel excluded), or justice. That is rapidly taking a backseat to revenge.

My current victims are a couple of morons passed out drunk in a bedroom. I thought the last two were easy to deal with, but here I just have to cut them open and let them bleed out. They're so fucking hammered they don't even react. Their hearts may weep bitter tears, but their livers will thank me.

I poke around the room a little bit and find one of these guys seems to have a throwing axe that, if not mine, is at least very similar. My throwing axes weren't nearly as distinct as my battle axe was, so it's hard to be sure. Either way it's a familiar weight, one I'm happy to have. My skill with a sword is passable, but I'll still take a good axe any day.

Most of this building is connected by one long, narrow hallway, with a staircase leading to a small upstairs area where Ezra's room is, along with a couple other rooms I assume are reserved for his most important men. I never saw inside them so I'm not sure on that point.

This hallway screams 'back entrance' to me, and I imagine the main doors were probably wrecked by either the bandits or the river, but that suits me fine. There was only one way in to this place, and that gives me free reign to be methodical.

The next room has four men instead of two, though they're still drunk enough that I finish them off easily. The last one wakes up in the middle of my work, but he only seems to be capable of staring blankly as I stab a sword into his friend's ribs. Something approaching realization crosses his face as I approach him, but I embed my axe in his head before anything comes of it.

Nine down.

The next room gives me brief pause, as its inhabitants are presently drinking, as opposed to already being drunk. I consider playing it safe, but… not for very long.

Five men are sat drinking and talking at a table by a large fireplace. The room looks to be fashioned into a mess hall of sorts, with several long tables and a roasting spit set over the fire. Quite the comfortable life they live here. This room could hold the slaves pretty easily.

One of the men is telling a joke to the others, waving his arms around as he talks animatedly. The others roar with laughter, pounding the table with their fists. One of them raises a mug of beer to his face and topples over backwards with my axe sticking out of his head. My best throw yet. The two sitting on his left look down in horror, even as the men across the table roar with laughter, unable to see my axe from where they're sitting.

The ones still laughing are, naturally, the ones I hit next. The sword sticks halfway through a man's spine, being too poorly maintained to finish the job. The guy next to him screams in shock, and the last two leap back, out of their seats.

I plant a foot on the back of the man in front of me and tear my sword free, splattering myself with blood. Without missing a beat I descend on the next closest target, who can only raise his hands in feeble defense. I pay no mind to technique at this point, simply stabbing him repeatedly until he stops moving.

I look up and see the other two are beating a hasty retreat out of the room. Oh right, they were just drinking; they didn't have their weapons with them. I vault the table and tear my axe loose, spilling brain across my foot. This would be really gross if I hadn't been unable to bathe for the past month. As it stands this is just filth on top of filth. I pay it no real mind and throw the axe again.

It sticks in the thigh of one of them, who screams in pain, tears it out and tosses it without thinking, and hobbles out the door after his friend. I walk over to retrieve it and sigh as I hear the men shouting as they run down the hall. I could only keep up the stealthy approach for so long, I suppose.

Ah well, it's much more satisfying killing them when they know I'm coming. I look back at the man I stabbed and smirk. Hopefully he realized it was a prisoner that was stabbing him. I want these people to know exactly why they're dying.

* * *

Weapons clatter as men rush down the hall.

I remove my ratty mess of a shirt and wipe the blood from my face as best as I can.

Slavers roar in outrage at the death of their companions.

My arms are still dripping with blood as well, but I don't really feel the need to clean that up.

Several men burst into the dining hall, looking about for me.

I take a long swig of beer, retrieved from the men I just killed. Never cared for alcohol, but these are trying times.

One of the men finally thinks to check behind them. I bounce the mug off their forehead.

These worthless fuckers just ran in like maniacs without taking a proper look around, while I just leaned against the wall by the door and watched them rush past me.

I am rapidly growing disgusted by how much misery I've been put through by such worthless people. It's fucking insulting, and I make my feelings clear by slashing a man's stomach open and running out into the hall. He falls to the ground screaming as he tries to hold his guts in, and the others rush after me.

I stand just around the corner and swing as they rush through the door. My sword sticks between the ribs of the man I hit and snaps. I toss the hilt aside and shake my head in disbelief.

They fell for it twice in less than a minute.

"People like you?" I hiss in disbelief as I kick the man into his companions, grabbing his sword as I do so. One of them falls on his ass, not expecting to be hit by a corpse. The other manages to catch himself and shoves the body aside. My throwing axe hits him between the eyes. I then attack the one sitting on his ass. He manages to deflect a couple of hits before I can finally disarm him. "PEOPLE LIKE YOU?" I scream as I stab him, taking care not to break my sword this time. "ALL THESE LIVES RUINED, ALL THESE DEATHS, ALL THE MISERY I WENT THROUGH, AND IT WAS AT THE HANDS OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU!?"

Another slaver comes rushing at me through the door and I meet him easily, sidestepping his spear and slamming my sword into his eye. "You're fucking nobodies!" I snap as the next one rushes in, blocking my axe with a kite shield. "The fucking dregs of society! Braindead insects scurrying around and hiding under rocks!" I dodge a clumsy stab and shake my sword free of all the corpse on it, swinging my axe with my other hand so he stays on the defensive. "As soon as somebody comes to stamp you out all you can do is buzz around impotently like fucking flies!" I bat the shield aside and drive my sword into the man's chest as he screams.

"WHAT THE FUCK MADE PEOPLE AS LOW AS YOU THINK YOU COULD GET AWAY WITH ALL THIS?" I bellow in his face. "HOW COULD THE PEOPLE WHO DID ALL THIS BE SO FUCKING WORTHLESS?" He dies looking up at me in horror.

I click my tongue and grab another spear. The next man in line files in, looks at all the bodies, and makes eye contact with me. He screams. I roll my eyes and stab him in the throat.

"It really is more like swatting flies than fighting." I snarl to myself, twisting the spear once in the man's neck and pulling back to watch him paw at it. "I thought this would feel more cathartic, but it's just… boring."

A sudden burning pain across my shoulder snaps me out of my musing. "AHH, WHAT THE FUCK!" I whirl around in confusion and see the man I disemboweled standing behind me, intestines trailing around his ankles. He's holding a dripping battle axe in his hands. His whole body shakes with the effort of hitting me.

I stare at the axe for a minute. "Huh. That's mine." I grab the axe and tug it out of his hands. "That was... ugh." I wince as my fresh injury protests. "That was real sweet of you to return it to me." The man stares blankly past me for another moment before he falls over dead.

Pretty ridiculous willpower on this guy. If he'd been in better shape that would have been fatal, instead of a minor inconvenience. I roll my shoulder just to check, and while it sure as fuck hurts, my movement is unimpaired. I smirk derisively at his body. All that effort for nothing.

Nineteen down.

* * *

Things are starting to blur together now. I'm starting to lose track of how far down the hallway I've come, and how long I've been fighting for.

I wonder if Donnel's found Severa yet. I could use some backup.

I grimace as I misstep and a spear cuts a line across my leg. The owner grins triumphantly at the blow.

What do they have to be pleased with? What do they have to be proud about? I close in before he can regain his weapon, bellowing at the top of my lungs. His smile fades into horror as I bring my battleaxe into his face. I spend a few seconds hacking at him further until there's no real discernible features left, and look up just in time to see a war hammer swinging at my head.

My guard goes up just in time; the blow that would have crushed my skull is stopped by my axe. The two of us struggle for a brief moment before my foot slips in the blood. My guard shifts enough to ease the pressure against the war hammer. My opponent capitalizes on this and swings again, with less power. This time my guard fails and I take the hit right on the nose. I tumble backwards down the hall and barely manage to slide to a stop on all fours.

The man with the hammer stumbles as he tries to close the distance, having to step over his companions. Where did I leave my throwing axe again?

I look down and see that I rolled over it a moment ago; it's half lodged in my side. "Yandere piece of shit." I snarl, tugging it free and throwing it. "I'm allowed to see other weapons without your permission!" The man barely manages to avoid a lethal hit, taking the blow on his shoulder. I rush him while he's staggering and cut off his right arm. His left isn't enough to hold the weight of his hammer alone, and his whole body seems to twist as it drags him to the floor. For a brief moment I'm reminded of the Christmas tree from that old Charlie Brown cartoon.

The man lets go of the hammer and screams as he takes in his stump of an arm. "You've got other problems." I say, ripping the throwing axe from his shoulder. He staggers forward as I tug on the weapon, then backwards as I kick him in the gut. He coughs as he lands, but doesn't stop screaming.

"Why act so surprised?" I ask, staggering over to him. "You had to know this was what you were in for. After all the things you did, did you think you wouldn't pay?"

The man looks up to me, screaming giving way to sobbing. "Please!" He cries. "I'm sorry, jus-"

I swing my axe into his groin and he starts screaming again. "Take your punishment with some dignity you piece of shit." I sigh. "I wish I could think of a word that really reflects what you people are to me. Piece of shit isn't remotely strong enough." I toss the axe aside and pick up the man's hammer. The crunching sound it makes when it collapses his ribcage isn't nearly as satisfying as I'd like.

That's… what? Thirty? Thirty one? It's like a fucking ant hill, as soon as I started poking it they just swarmed. And killing them was about as cathartic. It's not like there was much challenge in it. These weren't trained fighters, just a pack of drunk bullies. If it weren't for their Griffons and their leader they'd have been wiped out years ago.

I look down at the man I just killed again. He put up a fight at least. The first proper fight I've had since killing Chungus. Congratulations Fish, you're a cut above the rest.

I blink as the thought crosses my mind. Huh. Yeah, I guess I know this guy.

Weird to kill somebody who I actually know, even if I know him in such a fucked up way. I stare blankly down into Fish's horrified face, with its tear-stained eyes.

I…

A twanging sound catches my ears and shatters whatever revelation I was about to come to. I throw myself to the side, and feel an arrow strike me in the shoulder. The force of the shot combined with my reckless motion sends me into a spiral, blood spraying from beneath my feet as I spin. I'm barely able to get my hand on a nearby doorframe and scrabble into a side room, a second arrow clattering across the stone floor at my heels.

"YOU CRAZY SON OF A BITCH! YOU THINK I'LL LET YOU WIN THIS FIGHT? I'M EZRA, THE WOLF OF REGNA FEROX! YOU'RE NOTHING, YOU HEAR ME? NOTHING! A SHEEP WHO DOESN'T KNOW THEIR PLACE! I'LL FEAST ON YOUR CORPSE BEFORE THE NIGHT IS OVER!"

Oh good, he's still here. Though he might have jumped out a window or something.

Other good news: I just thought of a bitching one liner for when I kill this guy.

"Oh man, this is gonna be good." I giggle, crawling back to my feet and pulling the arrow free. "I think I'm starting to enjoy this again."

"No, please! Just leave me alone, he's the one you want!" A voice shrieks in fear.

I blink in confusion, and look up to see the same man whose leg I hit earlier backed into the corner across from me. I guess he thought I was talking to him?

"Do I know you?" I stare at him in bewilderment. "Wait, is that you, Clyde?" The man squeaks in response. "Oh holy shit, it is you!" I burst out laughing. "I totally didn't recognize you earlier!"

Clyde looks up at me, and starts laughing along nervously. My smile fades immediately. "The fuck are you laughing at?" I snarl. How fucking dare he? After everything he's done he thinks he can laugh it away?

I wipe my hands off on my pants. The blood is mostly dried, but I want to make sure my grip remains strong. Clyde screams again and tries to hobble past me. I punch him in the face before he can get much progress. He crashes to the ground and lies there babbling.

"Oh gods, I'm sorry! Please, I'm sorry, I've learned my lesson!" Clyde screams as I approach. "I won't do it again, I swear! I'll change, I'll be a better person!"

"Scream all you want, Clyde." I kick him in the ribs. "Ezra's not coming for you. He's not stupid enough to risk his biggest advantage for the sake of a worm."

"No! Please! Spare me, I'll do anything!" Clyde holds his arms up, a feeble defense.

I go down on one knee and look him in the eyes. "Anything?"

Clyde nods frantically. "Anything! Whatever you want, just name it, I'll do it!" His arms lower and he looks up at me frantically.

A grin creeps its way across my face. "I need a meat shield."

My hands snap to his throat. His eyes widen in sudden understanding. "Ez-" His voice cuts off as pressure increases.

"Hey Ezra! I'm wide open right now! Want to come get me?" I yell over my shoulder, before turning back to Clyde. "He won't come, of course. Too clever to fall for something like that, even if it's the truth." Clyde's face is already a bright pink, and he grasps at my wrists desperately.

"Sucks, doesn't it?" I nod in sympathy. "Yeah, I feel you. Was grabbed by the throat like this the day you found me. Some big motherfucker in a suit of armor. Of course he got kicked by a horse before he could finish the job." I look around frantically, as if expecting a horse to appear, then look back at Clyde with a chuckle. "No such luck, huh? Too bad I left my weapons back in the hall, or else I'd have killed you quicker."

I stop talking after that, and put all my focus into squeezing as hard as possible. Clyde holds on for a shockingly long time, but he stops pawing at my face and wrists eventually. Ezra gives me all the time I need, too cautious to risk approaching.

Once it's done I grab a pillow from one of the beds nearby and toss it into the hall. Ezra doesn't audibly react in any way shape or form. Next thing I do is position Clyde's head right by the edge of the door. An arrow whizzes by close enough to cut the skin and stick in the doorframe. I eye Clyde's now bloody face in distaste. Desecrating a corpse, poor form.

… Does give me an opening though, as expected.

I repeat the process with Clyde's body and once again the arrow tears skin from the body. This time I dart into the hall and pull the torch off the wall. It falls to the ground and sputters in the blood, which is still pooling up everywhere. My section of the hall falls into darkness, and I duck back into the hall just as he fires again.

And with the hard part of the plan complete I grab Clyde's corpse and rush into the hall, holding it in front of me like a shield. With my torch out, the most he can see is a man's silhouette, and he fills it with arrows immediately. Clyde's body is an adequate enough buffer that the arrows don't exhibit nearly the same stopping power as before. I stumble, reach down, grab my axe from beside Fish's corpse, and push on.

Of course, propping a corpse up with an axe is much less stable than keeping your actual fucking hands on it, so the next arrow to make a direct hit knocks poor Clyde out of my hands completely. With the body out of my way, I finally get the chance to look down the hallway properly to where Ezra is waiting.

He has two other archers crouched in front of him on the stairs.

Huh. That's the problem with keeping your head down, I suppose. I've been playing it so safe I never took the time to properly figure out what I was dealing with.

I'm about fifteen meters away from these guys. It feels like fifteen miles.

"NOWHERE TO RUN, SHEEP!" Ezra cackles, nocking another arrow.

I can think of one place to run. "I'M NOT THE ONE BACKED INTO A CORNER, EZRA!"

I vault over the last of the bodies lying in the hallway and start running, my left arm raised in front of me like a shield.

Ezra and his remaining men start shooting wildly.

The first arrow plunges straight through my forearm and snaps my left arm back. The next I narrowly manage to twist away from before it can sink into my stomach. Another tears a chunk of my ear away.

I manage to get my arm up again in time to block two more arrows that probably would have hit me in the head. The next one lodges in my shoulder and I feel my left arm finally give, dangling uselessly at my side. I'm forced to pump my remaining arm to keep my balance.

Ezra's next arrow bounces off the axe in my hand and clips my temple, and from the way he clicks his tongue I know it would have been fatal if I hadn't happened to block it. The perceived failure gets his flunkies nervous though, and they start firing faster. This proves to be better for me, since their arrows lose much of their stopping power, being no longer drawn properly or aimed as precisely.

It reminds me of something Virion said to me once: "The longer an archer takes to fire, the more dangerous they must be. For a proper archer success is all in the preparation!"

My cheek is sliced open. An arrow bounces off my shin, having been drawn so poorly that it barely has any force behind it. Many more fly past me. Ezra nocks another arrow and begins to draw. The archers in front of him scream in panic. I laugh in elation.

I'm on top of them now. Ezra's men frantically try to ready their bows again, but they don't have the time. I cleave through them both in one swing, and rush past them to where Ezra is waiting. The man snarls as I approach, bringing his bow up.

I raise my axe for another blow.

Ezra steps back and aims point blank.

My arm comes down.

He releases his arrow.

I land a crushing blow against his chest.

His arrow shatters my rib and doesn't stop.

I'm flung away by the force of the hit.

My axe is torn away with me, tearing a bloody hole in his torso.

I land on my back between the two archers I just killed.

Ezra screams in agony, and falls back as well.

* * *

The ceiling is spattered with blood. I can see it dimly in the flickering torchlight.

I think I passed out for a second there. Surprised it didn't take. I can't really breathe properly right now.

I think his arrow went through my lung. I can still breathe, but it feels… wet. And difficult. So fucking difficult. My breathing exercises can only do so much.

Is this it? For real this time?

I'm going to die like this? Choking to death on my own blood? Alone in a hallway full of corpses?

I don't want to die.

What the fuck was I thinking? Why did I do this? Just to kill Ezra? All I had to do was sit back and wait for Severa and this would have been easy. She could manage this so much better than me, with two of us…

What's she gonna think when she finds me? That kid doesn't like to admit it but I know she's been relying on me. Feels kinda like what I imagine being a father would be like.

It's a nice thought. If I'm going to die here it's good to know I can cross one of my bigger life goals off the list, even if it's a technicality.

It'd be good, to talk to her about this. She gets all tsundere when I try to have a serious conversation with her, but maybe I can work around it if I live through this.

I hear a shuffling sound and smirk. Maybe that's her now…

No, wait.

That's coming from the stairs.

Lifting my head is an excruciating process, but somehow I'm able to prop myself up on my arm despite my chest screaming at me so much that I nearly black out again. Did Ezra have a friend left or something? Are there really more slavers?

I spot movement, and squint, trying to see despite the dim light and blood pounding in my head.

I just manage to make out Ezra as he flees up the stairs. Then my strength gives out and I collapse again. The motion jostles my body and I start coughing up blood.

He's alive. My hit didn't kill him.

How? Did he blow me away before I could hit anything vital?

Am… am I about to die for nothing? I put my life on the line like that and I couldn't even…

No.

No.

No.

No.

 **No.**

 _ **No.**_

He _has_ to die.

He _will_ die.

I need to finish what I started.

* * *

Why can't I just let this go?

* * *

My body doesn't have the strength to move, but it moves regardless.

I rise to my feet like a puppet on strings. My axe has yet to leave my hand.

I move for the stairs.

* * *

Why am I so fixated on killing these people?

* * *

I reach the top of the stairs and see a door slightly ajar in front of me. Ezra's left a trail of blood to follow. The trail behind me is enough to drown it out. My blood pours out of me with every step.

I burst through the door and find Ezra with another person, the doctor who took my measurements when I arrived here. The doctor is in the middle of a hasty bandage job on Ezra's wound, and the two look up at me in horror.

"It's not possible!" Ezra screams as he sees me. "How are you still alive?"

I start laughing.

* * *

What have I become, to do all of this?

* * *

Ezra runs for his bow, which was tossed aside on the bed. I start to move for him, then notice the doctor trying to sneak past him. I hit him with the back of the axe, slamming him into the wall so hard his head splits open. Blood pours from his head, and he begins to crawl.

It's already too late for him though, his brains are oozing from his skull. His motions are like those of a chicken with its head cut off. He simply doesn't know he's dead yet.

I move on to Ezra, who desperately tries to nock an arrow.

* * *

When did I turn into the kind of person to do these things?

* * *

Ezra raises his bow but his arrow hasn't even been drawn yet. I cleave through the weapon easily, and shear his hand in half while doing so. He staggers back, screaming, and I bring the axe down on his other arm. I chop halfway through it, and it dangles loosely at the elbow. He grabs at it with his remaining fingers and falls back on the bed.

I advance further and he throws a haphazard kick at the arrow in my chest, forcing me to retreat for a moment. He takes the opportunity to start scrambling away. My left arm reaches out and catches his ankle, and I swing along the length of his leg, stripping his flesh down to the bone.

The doctor finally stops twitching behind me. I haven't stopped laughing.

* * *

How did I fall so far?

* * *

Ezra has two fingers on his right hand, and a usable right leg. He uses them to flop ungainly towards the door. He's lost all illusions about killing me.

I step on his thigh, stopping him in place, then start hacking at the back of his knee. It takes me several blows before his leg is severed. He screams in agony.

I grab his useless, flopping left arm and turn him on his back. He looks up at me, stunned. He's lost all illusions about escaping me.

* * *

Have I truly fallen?

* * *

I laugh in Ezra's face, my lungs spraying blood as they convulse with the strain of it. Ezra stares up at me, not comprehending. "You can't do this to me. I'm the Wolf of Ferox."

I stop laughing. Lean down until we're almost nose to nose. And rasp out with what little voice I have left.

"There is only one wolf in this place, Ezra. And he wears sheep's clothing."

I stand up straight again and bring down my axe.

I bring down my axe.

I bring down my axe.

I bring down my axe.

I bring down my axe.

IbringdownmyaxeIbringdownmyaxeibringdownmyaxeibringdownmyaxeibringdownmyaxeibringdownmyaxeibringdownmyaxeibringdownmyaxeibringdownmyaxeibringdownmyaxeibringdownmyaxeibring-

I stop. Ezra is scattered. What little remains beneath me has been driven into the stone by my blows. The floor has been cracked, and the dust I kick up mixes into red mud.

* * *

Or has this always been there?

* * *

The axe slips from my hands, and splashes on the floor. My left arm falls limp again, whatever mockery of biology I used to move it seemingly over.

No doubt the rest of my body will soon follow.

I look around the room. It reminds me of the butcher shop I used to work at, coated with blood and flecks of meat, ready for me to hose it clean.

This was the room where I spent my first night in this place. Curled up there, by the fire. Thankful to be alive but fearing that what would come would be so much worse.

I take a staggering step towards the fire, but movement catches my attention. Is something here still alive?

Oh. No. Ezra has a mirror. It's standing against the wall, next to the door.

Something in my head screams to smash it. To pick up my axe and throw it before I can see.

Instead I walk closer.

I come face to face with something inhuman.

Arms and legs drip red with blood, and more yet covers the rest of my body. My skin is visible, but only as patches, small islands of too-pale skin beneath the blood. Bits of flesh cling to my body, sticking to my tattered pants and bare torso. And my left arm looks bloated purple, with wooden shafts jutting throughout it at odd angles.

My face is barely recognisable, nose twisted, face covered with small lacerations from arrows and blades barely avoided. The right side of my head is swollen around a cut, the result of Ezra's near miss in the hallway. My hair is matted, clumped with blood, and dangling limply around my shoulders. My jaw has the makings of a patchy beard that is coated with grime. My eyes are sunken, with heavy bags that stretch well past my glasses.

My chest is the worst of it though. My ribs are showing through my skin, including the shards of bone that splintered around that point blank shot I took, jutting out almost through the skin like small mountains. The shaft of the arrow sticks out of my chest, still slowly oozing blood.

This is not the body of a living man. I collapse to my knees and heave, the motions agonizing despite there being nothing in my stomach to begin with.

* * *

Deep down, has this monster always been there?

* * *

I hear a scream, and look up blearily. Severa stands in the doorway, staring down at me in horror. Her sword is wet with blood, and becomes even more so as she drops it to the ground.

"Oh no. Oh nononononononononono. Oh Naga, this can't be happening." Severa drops to her knees in front of me, arms stretching out, but she's afraid to touch me. Afraid she'll break me further. "Ben, please, you can't do this, you can't!" Her voice slips into a piteous whine as she says that last part.

Huh. I expected something more along the lines of: 'don't you dare die on me, jerk!' I knew I was bad… but if Severa's not even trying to hide her feelings about it then… I look even worse than I thought.

"Help!" Severa screams over her shoulder, tears streaming down her face. Then, a moment later, "Damnit will you people GET UP HERE ALREADY?"

They won't be able to… yeah. I'm… beyond help, probably.

My body slumps forward, and Severa forgets her fear. She catches me, bringing my head to rest against her chest. "No. Noooooo! You can't do this to me, I'm sorry I'm late, please don't die!"

I try to move my arm, so I can reassure her. Not so much as a twitch. Damnit kiddo, it's not your fault, it's mine. Me and my stupid pride, and my stupid lack of self-worth, and my stupid anger.

I want to tell her. Somehow. Just tell her something, anything damn it!

I open my mouth, and cough up some more blood.

"Ben?"

"…luvya…" It comes out as a gasp, so faint I'm not even sure I hear it.

Severa sobs. She says something, but I don't hear it. Everything's going black…

I hope she heard me…

I… want…

* * *

 **Apparently I can't write self-indulgent absurdity without punishing myself for it afterwards.**

 **Which goes to show that I clearly don't know what 'self-indulgent' means to begin with.**

 **Next chapter won't be one big fight scene, so it'll take me way longer to write, but I've got a vacation coming up soon, so I'm hopeful you guys won't be kept dangling on this cliff for too long.**


	17. Chapter 16

**I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone for your reviews last chapter, it really blew me away. Guess I should write horrible depictions of gratuitous violence more often, huh?**

 **Sorry for the wait on this one. I had a lot more difficulty getting this to come together than I expected.**

* * *

I wake up to a room that…

Huh.

I wake up.

I didn't expect that, honestly. When I passed out it definitely felt like a… final moments sort of deal. I…

I'm alive.

Wow.

Okay.

I've woken up to a room that is pretty much coated from wall to wall with white pelts, probably from foxes and rabbits. Together with the open window facing out into a bright sunny day this place is bright, warm and delightfully soft looking. I kinda want to rub my face on the walls.

What the fuck do they have me on right now?

Who the fuck is 'they'?

Where am I?

"I have questions." I croak out, staring blankly at the wall. I hear a startled gasp and a loud clatter, and turn to see a nurse, who looks to have dropped an ornate healing staff on the ground in favor of staring at me in shock. "Hi."

The nurse doesn't respond to my greeting, instead rushing out of the room yelling for a doctor. That's… uhh… Yeah that's not encouraging.

"I guess I have several more questions now." I mutter, laying my head back.

* * *

I spend the next several hours being swarmed by medical personnel, and while they're not the best at answering my questions, they're very good at talking to each other. I probably glean a great deal more from this than I would have if I'd just asked questions, so this is a good thing.

The most important bit of information: I've been asleep for two weeks.

In a world that has not yet invented the IV drip, this is supremely fucking critical.

As a general rule before the invention of the IV drip, there was no feasible way to give an unconscious person nutrients. Eating is something that requires user participation, so if you're unconscious the valve thingy in your throat stays strictly turned away from your stomach and towards the lungs. This happens because breathing is something the body can and does manage on its own, and it's considerably higher on the priority list over food.

Basically I'm trying to say that in a world with medieval technology coma patients have a habit of starving to death. Actually, scratch that, they usually die of dehydration long before they can even starve.

The solution to this? Well, until two weeks ago apparently there wasn't one.

And then a certain feisty redhead came riding in on a griffon with an emergency passenger, with strict instructions for the medical staff. Yeah, I guess Severa picked up some advanced healing tricks in the future, and threatened to take a sword to the doctors unless they shut up and used them. Which led to armed guards trying and failing to evict her. Which led to Flavia herself showing up and saying "screw it, give it a shot." I heard most of the story from one very bemused nurse during mealtime, and really wish I could have seen it.

Anyways, the solution that Severa's teacher (almost certainly future Lissa) came up with was using healing magic to fight the symptoms of dehydration. Simple explanation of dehydration: the body loses water, the cells start to dry up, and then all the vital bits on the inside begin dying. But if a healer knows this and knows where to look for signs, they can use magic to heal my systems as quickly as they're trying to shut down.

Humanity may have achieved a great many wonders in my time with technology, but magic can make for a damn fine substitute sometimes. That's as far as my thoughts go on this, because it's honestly kind of a mindfuck when I think about it too much.

Of course now that the magic is done with, I have to rely on the more mundane healing methods. Namely, eating properly and taking my damn medicine. Also the bandages, because good lord am I a mess of those.

Yeah, the fact that I survived two weeks without food or water is one thing, the fact that I survived the mess that put me in that coma is another entirely. I'm still missing a lot of details as to how Severa got me all the way to Gelida Dominus so quickly, and even foggier on how I survived a shaft of wood stuck through my chest.

Most of my body is healed already, the small cuts and scrapes having been closed up before they had to dedicate all their attention to my failing organs. Those that couldn't be handled in that way were basically bandaged and put on hold for a while. The chest needed the most work, obviously, and the healers are still wary of infection after everything that's happened. My arm actually did get infected for a bit while I was unconscious, but they apparently managed to keep that under control with… leeches.

Well, at least Leeches have actual proven medical benefits. Better than finding out they practise bloodletting around here. Pretty sure that isn't good for much of anything. Not sure how good leeches really are for infections, but this is a pre-antibiotic world, so I'll trust the experts to know the best methods.

The arm in question is going to take some time to heal properly. I had no less than four arrows stuck through it when Severa found me, plus another arrow which I tore out like a dumbass earlier that night. Tissue damage was pretty severe, though since they caught the infection the healers are confident it'll recover. It'll take another week before it's healed properly though.

And then there's my head injury. It was a pretty small wound, but they had to shave my head to access it for treatment.

…Yeah. We don't talk about the head injury.

Other than the tragic blow to my pride though, it looks like I'll be able to make a full physical recovery.

I don't like that I feel guilty about that.

* * *

My awakening the next morning is less than pleasant, which mostly comes down to the woman who orchestrates it. Apparently Khan Flavia is not a fan of bedside manners, because she bursts into my room at the crack of dawn, yells "RISE AND SHINE, SLEEPYHEAD!" and cracks me on the head with my medicine bottle.

I call her several unmentionable things before I finally recover enough to recognize who I'm talking to. Then I make a point of throwing in a couple more colorful bits of language, which only seems to impress her.

"Not bad at all!" Flavia grins as I finish my rant. "I'll have to write that down once this little discussion is over so I don't forget any of that."

"Consider it a diplomatic gift." I grimace, still rubbing my head. "A sign of peace and harmony between Ylisse and Regna Ferox."

"You're a shit, you know that?" Flavia laughs. "Probably the most disrespectful guy I've ever met."

"Huh." I stop and think on it. "You might be right." I used to have a filter, but the filter is also what kept me from getting violent over things that pissed me off. I guess when I started killing people I just peeled away a large part of what kept me respectable. "I'll have to work on that, I was considered very well-mannered back home."

"Eh, we tend not to care too much around here, but that's probably for the best. Those Ylissean nobles are a bunch of stuck-up ninnies who get bent out of shape over the dumbest bullshit you could ever imagine. It's a wonder the royal family came out of that the way they did." Flavia nods seriously as she pulls up a chair. "You'll have to learn how to act around them soon enough, working with the royal family like you are."

I nod thoughtfully as I reflect on her words. "You're absolutely right. Thanks for the advice."

"Don't mention it." Flavia waves a hand dismissively, then leans back. "So, down to business."

"What sort of business?" I reply cautiously.

"Oh, lots of things." Flavia crosses her arms and thinks. "Hard to say where I should start, honestly. Bad news first? Yeah, we'll do bad news first."

"There's bad news?"

"Considering what's been going on that shouldn't surprise you." Flavia snorts. "Anyways, where was I? Oh right. So, as much as it pains me to tell you this after everything you went through, it looks like a few of your fellow prisoners didn't make it out. A few of them were just too worn down to survive."

My thoughts immediately go to Noire and my heart plummets. "There was a girl I rescued from the cells near the back. Black hair, light as a feather…"

"Oh she's fine." Flavia shrugs, raising an eyebrow and taking my reaction in as I suffer mood whiplash. "Got attached to that one, did you? I suppose she'll be a pretty little thing once she's got some food in her. Anyways, she was in bad enough shape that we got a griffon to take her, same as you. The problem was all the people we couldn't do that with. We had carts brought in for them, but the cold got several of them on the way over."

"Couldn't we have brought them over to…" I stop. I did intend for the main building of the bandit camp to be used to house the prisoners while help came, but… "I suppose bringing everyone to the building would have done more harm than good."

"I could count the number of rooms that didn't have walls coated in blood on one hand." Flavia replies with a nod. "And one of those rooms had a strangled person in them. You did a hell of a job in there."

"'Hell' being the operative word, in this case." I reply dully, fixing my gaze out the window. "I don't remember what that building looked like when I was done in there, but I remember what I looked like at the end of it."

"Bad enough that I felt the need to come over and see for myself." Flavia nods again. "Haven't seen a man fight through an injury like that since Basilio."

"Basilio?" I look over at her questioningly. I never would have expected him to take such a heavy hit in a fight.

Luckily for me Flavia misinterprets my confusion. "He's just some asshole on the other end of the country. I might introduce you later."

"Huh." I nod, while internally berating myself for almost slipping up. Doesn't matter what I've been through or what state I'm in. My secrets are my secrets, and I cannot give them away. Nobody can know what I know.

"Anyways, my soldiers didn't want to take the prisoners into that, figured it might do them more harm than good. Understandable, really, it was miserable in there. That younger fellow who was with you guys, the kid with the broken arm? He led some soldiers in there to try to find some supplies, came out shaking like a leaf. My people say they weren't much better. Either way, they grabbed as many blankets as could be salvaged, along with a few other things, but in the end it was decided that the best thing to do was burn the damn place down. Bad luck to leave a building with so much death in it standing."

"Superstition." I scoff.

"Maybe so, but we already have corpses wandering around the countryside." Flavia replies flippantly. "Why tempt fate?"

"Fair enough." I concede the point with a sigh. "So, how did you get your people over to us when you did anyways? Must have been pretty soon after I broke out, or else I wouldn't be here."

"You can thank the redhead for that. I guess when the kid got caught she figured she couldn't take the camp on anymore, headed straight for the Longfort to get help. Two Ylisseans may be enough to take them all on, but one? Not a chance." She stops for a moment to laugh at that notion. "They had a pretty good perimeter set up, those slavers. Even with their griffons gone she figured she couldn't risk it. So she kicked everyone's asses into shape and led a nice big group of Feroxi soldiers in to clear the place out properly… just in time to see you fall over choking on blood."

"Thanks for reminding me." I deadpan, stomach flipping at the memory. I really did think I was about to die in her arms.

"She's rather attached to you, isn't she?"

"She said I remind her of an uncle she was close to." I reply.

"What do you know about her family?"

I open my mouth, ready to brush her off, but something in her tone makes me pause. I look back at Khan Flavia and see that while her body language is casual, her eyes have become sharp. I can't help but smirk. "I was wondering why I merited a visit from the Khan of Regna Ferox. You're interested in her, huh?"

"Am I that obvious?" Flavia chuckles, even as her shoulders grow tense. "She's something else, I admit. Beat my guards easily when she dumped your sorry ass here, carved through those slavers without so much as a scratch, knows healing techniques so revolutionary that the country's best are currently writing multiple papers on all that they learned from fixing you… And nobody knows anything about her. Can you blame me for being curious?"

"No, I suppose I can't." I frown. "I don't know much but I'm willing to tell you what I can, as long as you promise not to push things with her."

"I'll take what I can get." Flavia nods, relaxing a little now that she knows I'm willing to cooperate a bit.

"Alright. She was with a mercenary group, but I don't know the name of them. It was pretty large, and did well for itself, but they bit off more than they could chew. As far as I can tell, they're all dead. The adults, at least. I think they got attacked, and died getting the kids out. That girl with the black hair was with them as well."

"All of them died? You're sure?" Flavia leans forward intently.

"I know her mom's dead, and her dad… I think he's dead, but I can't say for sure." Though I have my suspicions…

"Huh." Flavia leans back and sighs. "That's a shame, I was hoping I might be able to recruit her if I tracked down her group… As it stands there's no chance of convincing her to work for me as long as she's attached to you."

"Sorry to disappoint." I give her a wry smile. "You'll just have to hope the Shepherds make it back in time for your little competition instead."

"You know about that?" Flavia looks down at me in surprise. "I didn't think anybody in Ylisse paid any damn attention to how we do things up here."

"I'm not sure they do anymore. The book I read it in was a dusty old pile of garbage." I shrug. "Between you and me, I think a lot of the nobles in Ylisse might be…" I look around conspiratorially before leaning in as though sharing some dark secret. "A bunch of self-centered assholes."

Flavia bursts out laughing at that, and gets to her feet. "For a piece of shit, you're alright, Ben. Your friends should be in to see you soon, so I think we'll end on that charming note."

She's halfway out the door when an important question crosses my mind. "How much time do the others have?" With everything that's happened I don't know how much time has passed.

Flavia stops, and flashes me a grin over her shoulder. "The Shepherds? They've got twelve days left. Best hope for Ylisse's sake that they're finishing up, or else they won't make it back in time."

* * *

Since I'm still healing my discussion with Flavia is enough to wear me out completely. I spend most of the rest of the day drifting in and out of sleep, waking only for checkups and food, which is about as bland as hospital food back home. They give me apple sauce with my dinner and the sweetness of it is enough to bring me to tears. After so many weeks of gruel and rabbit guts… yeah, it's a bit overwhelming.

By next morning it's decided that I'm well enough to be allowed to walk to the privy, which is appreciated because my dignity is in short supply these days. The trip is exhausting enough that I sleep like a rock afterwards, but the healers want me to start getting my strength back as soon as possible. Apparently Donnel stopped by to visit while I was asleep, but I sleep right through it, so the nurse just informs me about it during dinner.

The next few days are pretty much the same. I eat lots of bland, healthy food, take medicines to help with the shit I was exposed to living right above a pit of human excrement, and sleep. There are good signs to be had though. Bathroom trips get increasingly easier as my legs readjust to use, and I find myself sleeping for shorter periods of time.

The bad news is that my sleep becomes decidedly less deep as I recover.

* * *

 _I bring down my axe._

 _Ezra twists beneath me and my blade cuts another deep furrow into his shoulder. He screams, trying to move away, but he has one usable limb and it no longer has the strength to take him anywhere. The most he can manage is to thrash about like a worm, as he bleeds out onto the floor._

 _I bring down my axe._

 _Ezra tries to move again, but he's too weak to dodge properly. My blow cracks his ribs, though it lacks the power to cleave through him. He groans as I pull free, gasping for air and babbling wordlessly. I shake gristle from the blade._

 _I bring down my axe._

 _This time Ezra finds the strength to twist aside completely, and my blade slams into the stone floor. A chip of stone flies up and cuts a neat line through my cheek, causing me to recoil. I lean back and lock eyes with the doctor, eyes hollow as he faces me, brains still slowly pooling around his head. A dead man. Unimportant. I've finished with that one already._

 _I bring down my axe._

 _Ezra is still lying on his side, and my blow tears flesh from his back. I see bone exposed beneath me. Ezra attempts to scream again, but can only manage a choked off, keening wail. I catch a whiff of ammonia, but after the time spent in my cell I'm largely used to it by now._

 _Ezra refuses to die easily, to his detriment. His limbs are shredded or removed. His body is broken and covered with massive, bloody wounds. He can't manage a scream for all the sobbing he's doing. If he were to simply stop dodging his pain would have ended a long time ago, but he won't stop squirming around. Not that I feel he deserves a quick death._

 _I bring down my axe._

* * *

"Mister Benjamin?"

I look up as my visitor makes himself heard and immediately force myself to smile warmly. "Donny, hey!"

"Are you alright Mister Benjamin? You didn't seem to notice me come in?" Donnel's eyes are full of so much concern I worry they might burst.

"Just lost in thought." I shrug, carefully holding my hands flat against my stomach so they can't clench. "Not much else to do here. Sorry I slept through your visit the other day."

"Oh, that's nothing you need to be feeling sorry for!" Donnel smiles. "I reckon you need all the rest you can get after what happened."

"I reckon you're right." I chuckle, looking the kid over. "How about you, how are you healing up?"

Donnel flinches, eying his left arm uneasily. "Well as I can be, I reckon…"

"You sure?" I sit up as I hear his tone. "Because you don't sound sure."

Donnel gives me a look like a deer in the headlights. "Oh gosh, it's nothing you need to be worrying about, Mister Benjamin! I don't want you fussing over me none when you've got yourself to be fussing over already!"

"Donnel." I give him a look. My best 'I see through your bullshit' look, to be precise.

The kid doesn't stand a chance. "Oh, alright then, I guess I'll come clean…" Donnel looks back down at his arm and then back up at me. "I uhh… I don't seem to be healing very well at all. Healers took too long to get to me, so they reckon there'll be some… permanent damage."

"What?" I reel in alarm. "What kind of damage, what happened?"

"I don't rightly know for sure, honest!" Donnel flinches as he realizes I'm starting to panic. "They said it's a possibility, is all! Since I just recovered from breaking my arm back at that there Longfort, breaking it again was a whole mess of bad news. And it was about a week before they could get a proper healing staff to work on it…"

"A week? A FUCKING WEEK? WHAT THE HELL?" I roar in outrage. "HOW DID IT TAKE THEM A FUCKING WEEK TO-" My chest goes tight as my lungs protest the sudden exertion, and I fall back coughing. Donnel grabs the water jug next to my bed and pours me a cup, which I gratefully take.

A nurse comes running in a moment later, likely having heard me yelling. "What's going on, is everything alright in here?" She asks, looking slightly panicked.

"Why the-" I gasp for a moment, lungs still straining. "Ah shit, hell. Why… Why the FUCK did Donnel have to wait a fucking WEEK-" I gesture in the kid's direction while I catch my breath. "A whole fucking week with a broken arm before anyone helped him?"

The nurse blinks, then looks over at Donnel in horror. "He- you- what!? I, I don't understand, what happened?"

Donnel surprises me at this point by getting to his feet and pushing me firmly back into bed. "Now listen here Mister Benjamin, don't you go taking it out on the people looking after you! I didn't arrive here until after I was already treated, they had nothing to do with it!"

"Well where the hell were you treated then? Whose ass do I have to kick?" I growl, even as he holds me steady.

"I was treated at the Longfort, and I won't have you giving them any grief, you hear?" Donnel says sternly. "Them healers had their hands full treating all the people that was dying, and I wasn't about to let them stop saving lives just for my sake. I was in better shape than anyone else there, so I darn well waited my turn!"

I feel myself deflate at his logic. "But… your arm. You broke it saving our lives, and now it won't even heal properly?"

"I'll make do." Donnel says calmly, taking his seat now that he can tell I won't flip out anymore. "They reckon I'll be getting pain from it the rest of my life, but I can use it. Might not be able to use a spear no more, but that's a small price to pay. I can still fight with my good arm, I reckon."

I sigh, feeling defeated. "It doesn't seem right, but if that's how you feel…" I can only shrug helplessly at that point. "You know, you're a hell of a guy, Donny."

Behind Donnel the nurse gives Donnel a starry eyed look and nods in agreement, though she still looks rather confused about what we're talking about. The kid doesn't even notice. It gets me chuckling, which causes the nurse to flush a cute pink and leave the room. I can only laugh all the harder, while Donnel looks at me in confusion.

* * *

When Donnel visits me again the next day he brings Noire along, who spends the whole visit looking like she wants to hug me and isn't sure if it's appropriate. A part of me is tempted to just welcome it, but my ribs are still tender from the whole 'getting shattered' thing.

Noire's only been out of her own hospital bed for a week or so, since she was so badly malnourished. I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that the only person who was in worse shape than her was my perforated ass. She's healing up nicely though, starting to regain some of the weight she lost while locked up.

Unfortunately since Donnel is there I can't ask her too much related to temporal shenanigans or her cover story with Severa, but it's good to see her well all the same.

Another day later and the doctors decide I'm well enough to be allowed to leave the infirmary, though I'm given a strict diet plan and orders to return in a week for a follow-up examination. I'm given a pair of crutches to hobble around on, and make my way through the castle to the Shepherd's accommodations, which Flavia was kind enough to keep set aside for us.

Noire and Donnel hover around me the whole way, arms ready to catch me if I stumble. It's a little obnoxious, honestly, though there's a part of me that can't help but find it endearing. I know I was impaled not long ago, but it feels backwards having these kids fussing over me.

Well, let them have their moment. I'm sure before long the tables will be turned again. Feels like all I've done since arriving here is training, getting my ass handed to me, and looking after teenagers.

"Well, here we are! Home sweet home!" Noire announces as she grabs the door for me. The common room already has a fire going, filling the room with warmth.

"Must be real nice getting out of that bed, don't you think Mister Benjamin?" Donnel asks eagerly as he tails me inside.

"It's a welcome change of pace." I grunt, making my way over to one of the sofas. "Or should I say, it was." I collapse into my seat with a relieved groan. "Still not recovered enough to be walking so much."

"Is it your breathing?" Noire frets, rushing over in concern.

"A little bit, but it's mostly just plain old muscular atrophy." I reply. The two give me blank looks in response and I realize the term isn't really something they're familiar with. "Muscles grow weaker if you don't use them enough. Guess I pushed it too far sleeping as long as I did. The fact that I went so long without eating probably sped it up too."

"I thought the healing was supposed to stop that from happening though!"

Noire looks about ready to have a panic attack at this point, with Donnel now unsure which of us he should be fretting over. I decide to throw him a bone before addressing Noire. "You mind getting some water here, Donny? Appreciate it."

"Uhh… right! I'll have it over in a jiff, Mister Benjamin." Donnel snaps a salute and rushes off.

With him occupied I turn back to Noire. "Noire, I'm fine, seriously. This is nothing unusual for situations like this. I just need to work at it for a while."

"DO NOT ATTEMPT TO PLACATE ME WITH IDLE PRATTLE, FOOL! I WILL NOT-" Noire's tirade cuts off as she bursts into a coughing fit. "You- you should be- ah!"

Donnel rushes over with a pitcher, no doubt left for us by the castle maids. He motions as if to hand her the cup, but seeing the way her body is jolting with the coughing fit, opts to hold the cup for her instead. "Easy now, easy, small sips. Don't go biting off more than you can chew, alrighty? You'll be right as rain in no time, y'hear?" He rubs soothing circles on Noire's back as she recover.

"You got her, Donnel?" I ask.

"Don't you worry Mister Benjamin, I've seen her have a few of these spells before. She's still recovering, just the same as you are." Donnel smiles brightly at me. "Them fancy healer folk taught me and Severa a trick or two for this!"

Well. I feel useless. Noire does seem to be calming down though, so I leave it to Donnel and pour some water for myself.

"What the heck's going on in here?" I turn at the sound of a familiar voice and see Severa standing in the doorway, a bundle of some sort wrapped under her arm. "What's wrong with Noire?"

"Just a bit of a coughing spell, like them healers said would be happening." Donnel replies. "Nothing for you to be fretting about, Miss Severa!"

"Ah, geez." Severa runs a hand through her hair in a motion that strikes me as rather familiar. "You know you're not supposed to get worked up right now, Noire! What happened?"

"She's getting worked up over my condition." I reply. Severa jolts, looking at me as though she just noticed I'm here. I raise an arm in greeting. "Hey. Long time no see."

Severa's face visibly pales. Oh right, last time I saw her was when I was literally DYING IN HER FUCKING ARMS.

Wow. Why the FUCK did I say that? Fucking dangers of constantly trying to play it cool no matter how fucking horrible life is, you come off as an emotionless piece of shit.

"Can we just forget I said that please?" I say with a grimace. I catch Donnel's eye and realize he's sending me the most flat, disapproving look I've ever seen from the kid. I shrink further in my seat.

"Okay." The two of us blink in surprise as Severa replies in a quiet voice. I look over and see her staring blankly at the ground. She's being way too accommodating here. Donnel is suddenly lost. No doubt the kid is wondering why she's letting me get away with my bullshit.

Ah, fuck. Time to be the adult.

"Nah, you know what, it's really not." I sigh, putting a hand to my head and trying not to wince at how my short hair feels against my skin. "That was stupid and thoughtless… shouldn't have said it. I'm sorry."

Severa looks back at me, expression filled with a whole lot of emotions I am really not equipped to unpack. Something tells me I'll have to take a crack at it anyways, a lot sooner than I'd like. "Okay." She says again, in the same quiet tone.

There's a long, very awkward pause. The room is completely silent, save for the crackling and popping of wood in the fireplace.

Noire jumps to her feet suddenly. "I'm feeling a bit w-worn out now, I think I'll be going to bed!"

"Uhh, right!" Donnel replies, "And… and I reckon, I should, uhh… Go… go… uhh… darnit! Go… see if there's… any news from the others? Yeah! Must be they'd send a message of some sort by now, right?"

"Right! So let's just… uhh…" Noire trails off for a moment, stumbling over her words. Then she abruptly rushes over to her bedroom and disappears.

Donnel looks at the door for a moment, then looks between Severa and I in a panic. "Well then… I guess… I… Err, uh… Oh donkey-spittle, forget it." He walks very quickly past Severa, looking somehow defeated.

It would all be very comical if I wasn't in the middle of this drama. As it stands it just serves to make me feel guilty. And… painfully apprehensive. From the look on Severa's face she feels the same, all the more reason this conversation has to happen. All the more reason I feel like I have to ask a question I'm not sure I'm ready to hear the answer to.

I open my mouth to say something, but the words aren't coming. I… don't think I can do this. I'd rather get shot again than have this conversation. Guess that cowardly side of me is still waiting and ready when it counts.

All the signs have been there. I need to talk to her about this. It's so fucking important that this discussion happens, more important than anything I've ever been through. If what I suspect is true…

The thought terrifies me enough that I tear my eyes away from her and stare blankly at the floor in silence.

Seconds drag on, then minutes… a part of my brain starts counting, as if mocking myself for my inability to speak. One cowardly fuck, two cowardly fucks, three cowardly fucks, four…

I swear a good ten minutes pass before Severa makes a sound. A gasping sort of sob. She starts walking across the room, heading for her room.

I can't tear my eyes from the floor. I hear her every footstep like a hammer in my fucking brain. I can't say a word. She detours around the couches, staying out of my field of vision.

I can't…

I can't let myself do this.

Severa reaches her door, raises her hand to the handle, and hesitates for a moment. No doubt she's sending me one last glance before she leaves.

My eyes do not leave the floor.

But my mouth finally fucking moves.

"Severa, am I your dad?" 

* * *

**Welp.**

 **Later.**


	18. Chapter 17

It's a question that's been on my mind for a while now.

There's been plenty of evidence to support it, most of it coming down to Severa herself. The glances, the way she acts around me, the way she sometimes runs her hand through her hair in a gesture so familiar it's like looking in a mirror. That was all enough to get me wondering. And when I think back to the last time I saw her… The way she saw me bleeding out and just… broke.

I'm not just a teacher to her. I'm something entirely more precious.

And that's terrifying to me.

I care about the people I've met since I came to this world, but there's still a part of me that doesn't want to let go of what I had. A large part. My sister, my mother, my aunts and uncles and cousins, my friends, my coworkers… Even my dad, complicated though my feelings for him can be. I can't stand the thought of losing them. I can't stand the thought of leaving my old life behind. I worked years to make my life. For all the faults with the life I led, I was proud of what I'd accomplished. Or at the very least, attached to it.

If I have a kid here, that means my future self left all that behind. There's no other conceivable option. The thought that I could be as frivolous as to have a kid and connect with them, even knowing what's in store for this world, without intention to commit to them? That's beyond negligent, that's evil.

I refuse to believe that my alternate self would stoop to that.

Which means that right now, this very instant, I need to come to terms with the possibility that I may never find my way back to my world. I have to acknowledge it as a possibility if I want to move forward. I have to accept that I may never make it home, that I may have to truly commit to the life I've been building here.

Because there is a teenage girl on the verge of tears sitting across from me. One who is every bit as scared as I am, if not more so. One who looks up to me and cares for me enough to kill for me, and is terrified that I won't feel the same.

"I've had a great many teachers over the years, you know." I say. Severa's head snaps up to me, her expression something akin to a deer caught in the headlights. She says nothing in response to me though, so I continue. "Some were good. Some were bad. Some changed my life in ways I can barely believe even today, for better or worse. None of them felt as close to me as I am to you. And that's why I can't help but think the way you feel about me isn't just the feelings of a student towards a teacher."

"So your brain jumps to dad." Severa mutters, breaking eye contact to study the fire.

"It does, though a part of me finds it ridiculous." I chuckle. "I've had all of one conversation with your mother, after all." The image of Cordelia's blank, almost defeated face staring at me across the entrance to the bathhouse jumps to my mind. "Hard to imagine a guy like me could marry a woman like her."

"Well you didn't." Severa snaps. "Nobody did."

… Okay, well that's a pretty flat denial. One that's packed with far too much bitter emotions to be a lie. I honestly wasn't expecting Severa to…

Wait.

What?

"Hold on, are you saying that Cordelia-"

"She never married." Severa cuts me off bitterly.

"I'm… I'm confused." Also a little disappointed, but that's probably a pretty fucked up thing to be feeling right now, and also not really pertinent to current topic. So we're going to put that aside and never think about it again. "So, wait, then that means-"

"Gawds, what's so hard to understand about this?" Severa raises her voice defensively. "Cordelia never married. She had me as an accident because she got fucking drunk one night and slept with some guy in a tavern."

She…

I…

This is not the direction I expected this conversation to go. That got off the rails sooner than I expected.

I feel like the floor just opened up beneath me. What the fuck did I just stumble into?

"So… your dad…" I manage to stammer out.

"I had to make do without one." Severa spits. "Just me and my perfect mother, living on our own."

"You… never even met him?" I ask weakly. It's an insensitive question, I realize this as soon as I say it, but this honestly doesn't feel real to me.

Severa flinches at this. Curls into herself. Her gaze is fixated on the furs spread out on the floor, as though she's trying to count every hair of them.

I manage to not open my big fucking mouth any more, though the temptation to prod her for answers is immense. I wait a good five minutes before she speaks.

"My earliest memory of my childhood was when I was three years old. It was storming that night, and I was woken up by the thunder. I always used to crawl into mom's bed when that would happen, even if she wasn't home, so I could go back to sleep. I got out of bed to do that, but when I got near the door I heard raised voices.

"My mom was arguing with somebody, a man, in the entrance of our house. I was scared, but I also wanted to know what was happening, so I went to see. But when I opened the bedroom door to look, it creaked, and they heard me.

"Mom freaked when she saw me. Started yelling at the man. Can't remember what she said, just that she was pissed. He just stood still and looked at me for a while. Then he turned around and walked out into the storm. When I asked mom about it later she just said he was a bad man, and she didn't want him to have any part in my life. She never actually told me it was my dad, but I just… knew. I could tell."

I try to think of something to say, but… how the fuck do I respond to this? I look at Severa with her blank stare and all I can see is a kid on the verge of falling apart in front of me. It's terrifying, in no small part because I'm now so much less sure of where I even fit in this kid's life.

I really did think I had it all figured out. That Severa was my future kid and Cordelia was my future wife and that we lived a happy life before the harbinger of the apocalypse was resurrected and it all went to shit. I guess despite what I said earlier there was a huge part of me hoping for it. Cordelia's a brilliant woman, after all. And Severa, while a bit of a brat sometimes, is a pretty brilliant kid. If I was a part of that family it'd be everything I could hope for and more.

But I guess I'm not.

At least, not in the way that I was hoping. Which means there's something else going on here, and I still need to figure out what that is.

"Okay." I finally say. "So I'm not your dad." Severa flinches at this, but says nothing. "So… what was I then?"

"Nobody." Severa chokes out. "Just some stupid jerk who looked after me when mom died."

"So… a foster dad then?"

She shoots me an accusatory glare. "Dads and foster dads aren't the same thing."

"Never said they were." I sigh. "I'm not claiming to be a replacement Severa, I'm just… trying to figure out where I stand. This is almost as confusing for me as it is for you, believe me."

"Doubt it."

"Severa, we're talking about time travel here. Nobody gets to know what's really going on." I joke. Severa… doesn't laugh, but I do see the corner of her mouth twitch, so I consider it a win and push on. "Anyways. You were saying I looked after you after your mom died. How'd I manage that?"

"Wasn't hard." Severa sniffs. "Not for you anyways. There was a bunch of talk about who would look after me, but you basically just stepped forward and said you'd do it. And when people argued you just kept saying it louder until it worked out."

"So that's basically just a diplomatic way to say I shouted them into submission." I reply, smirking as Severa rolls her eyes at me and nods. "Well that doesn't strike me as the most intelligent way to adopt a kid, but I guess it worked out. How old were you when I took you in?"

"Seven."

"Huh." I muse. "So… I raised you for… what, nine years? You're sixteen, right?"

"Seventeen in a couple of months!" She responds indignantly.

"That's a yes, then." I reply with a smirk.

"Shut up!"

"You are just too precious, you know that?" I reach across and tousle her hair. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

"Knock it off! Gawd, I thought we were having a serious discussion and then you go and do… that! I feel stupid for even worrying about you!" She swats my hands away and glares furiously at me, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Well… don't. Because I'd have died if not for you." I lean back and shrug. "Hell, even with all you did I'm still baffled as to how I survived that. There's no explainable way, magical or otherwise, that I could have lasted through the journey back here."

"It's a miracle, I get it." Severa tries to copy my dismissive attitude when she talks, but the girl is not nearly as experienced with wearing that mask as I am. It's a matter of mere seconds before she starts to choke up. "I thought you were going to die. You're the closest thing I have to an actual parent and you went and nearly got yourself…"

She buries her face in her hands, curls up into a ball, and starts crying again.

Ah fuck, now I've done it.

I get up from my couch and stagger the short distance across to hers, practically collapsing next to her. I barely manage to get my arms up before she starts weeping into my chest, muttering the word 'idiot' over and over again as she does.

A few years of her life that she was too young remember, and a few more spent raised by a single mother who went out and fought for her country on a regular basis. How often did she even see Cordelia? How much does Severa remember of her?

It's a miserable thought, but she probably has more memories of me than her real parents. God that's fucked up.

But it also makes things easier in a way. Because now that I know this, I'm back to where I started with this conversation. It was one hell of an emotional roller coaster to get to this point though.

So if I start to tear up when I return the hug, I think I can be forgiven, just this once.

"I'm sorry." I choke out, stroking her head slowly. "Sorry that… your dad's such a moron." I test the title with a great deal of nervousness, but she doesn't object. We hold each other a little tighter.

It feels right.

I guess it's official then.

I don't give a rat's ass who Cordelia fucked, this is _my_ kid.

Man oh man, when the whole 'future children' thing gets revealed to the others down the road things are going to get really fucking complicated.

I'm damn well going to deal with it though. 

* * *

"You know, I always wanted a daughter." I remark casually.

"Well good for you." Severa responds, smirking over at me. Once the kid was all cried out she took my original spot, probably wanting to spare my weary legs the pain of getting up again. "You have the best daughter now."

"Uh-huh." I drawl, smirking back.

"Hey, what's with the tone?"

"I'm glad that I raised my daughter to be humble."

"Shut up!"

I chuckle as she scowls indignantly at me, before sighing to myself. "Man, I can already tell I'm going to miss this once the others get back."

Severa frowns at me. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, as much as it sucks to say, it's way too soon for us to reveal the whole 'time travel' thing. The others will think we're insane." I muse. "Hell, we won't even be able to act any closer with each other."

"Why not?" Severa looks at me angrily. "What, you're embarrassed to be around me or something?"

"I'm from another world, Severa. I can't exactly pretend you're some other sort of relative of mine. And I don't want people to think we're dating or something."

Severa goes green at the thought. "Oh god, no. That's disgusting."

Okay, I know that's a reaction to the implication of incest but there's a part of me that can't help but feel a little hurt by that response.

That part of me is going to shut up now and stop taking things so personally.

"Anyways, after this discussion is over, I'm probably going to go back to acting like I was around you; at least until we can come up with a good way to reveal that you're from an alternate future." I frown. "Though how the fuck we're going to manage that is beyond me."

"We could try asking my friends. Maybe they thought of something." Severa remarks.

From what I remember of the games Lucina's method was just to say 'I'm from the future!' and rely on Chrom's stupidly trusting nature to resolve things from there. And everyone else somehow managed to save their mother's wedding rings and used that as proof. Since kids are showing up well before their parents marry here that won't exactly mean a damn thing. So yeah, my ideas are all pretty much worthless then.

"I guess we could try asking Noire what she's planned." I say.

Severa snaps an arm up. "Not her."

"Wait, why not?" I look over at Severa in confusion.

"Noire's plan is… well, it's not really my place to say." Severa winces. "She's got something weird and stupid planned and while I think it's a terrible idea I am NOT going to betray her trust by telling you about it."

"Well that's troubling… but fair, I suppose." I lean back and sigh. "Guess we'll just have to play it safe until somebody else shows up then."

"What a pain."

"Yup." I sigh. "We'll just have to stick to the 'uncle' story until then."

"Uuuuuugh. Fine. Just… don't get yourself killed in the meantime." Severa scoffs with a little too much force to be authentic, then looks up. "Actually, that reminds me. We got you something to celebrate you getting out of the infirmary."

"Oh shit, really?" I straighten up as Severa runs to the door and grabs the bundle she had when she got in. Some sort of black fabric wrapped in twine…. Wait. "Is that my jacket?"

"Yup." Severa replies, tossing it over to me and taking her seat. "Donnel found it when he was searching that disaster zone you left behind." Something must show in my expression at that, because she winces and pushes on quickly. "He found almost all of it, actually. Your jacket, your sweater, even your shoes. Those needed a ton of repair work though, probably because you were stuck in the stupid river for so long. The rest of it we could just dry out, but they needed extra attention. The, uhh, the cobbler was still trying to figure out what the hell to do with them last I checked."

"Did the jeans get mended all right?" I ask, picking at the twine wrapping my jacket. It feels a lot heavier than before. And seems to be… jingling? I start clawing harder at the knot.

"They're fine." Severa says with a shrug. "Noire patched them herself. It's all in your room, other than the shoes. We just decided to give the jacket some extra attention."

I finally get through the damn knot and unfold the jacket. I'm left briefly stunned. "Oh holy shit."

It's hardly recognizable anymore, but in the coolest damn way imaginable. The shoulders and upper torso have been covered with black leather, with a short length of chainmail covering the upper arms. "This is badass." I say aloud, pulling it on over the hospital clothes. "Gonna need to readjust to the weight, but that's a small price to pay. Still feels warm too."

"It took me a week to find a tailor who could do the job without screwing up the original jacket." Severa says, sitting straighter. "You wouldn't believe how much haggling I had to do. It's why I never came to visit in the infirmary, I was too busy arguing with the old miser."

I frown at that. "Never took you for a haggler." If memory serves she loved spending money on dumb shit in the game.

"I like to cut loose once in a while, but you made sure I was taught all about budgeting when I was growing up." She puffs out her chest proudly. "Owning nice stuff is fine and all, but I like to own nice stuff _and_ keep my gold."

Well how about that. Fate really can be changed. I grin to myself, shrugging out of the heavy coat. "Yeah, sounds like I taught you well."

I head for bed not long after that, since I'm still recovering. My room was shared with Robin, Kellam, and Stahl, meaning I have it all to myself until they're back. I'm thrilled to see my earth clothes sitting neatly folded on my bed, just as Severa said they would be. It's more than I expected, having them back. I guess Ezra was planning on selling them. They are pretty high quality compared to the stuff you can normally get in this world.

I look in the mirror and sigh. All in all it's a dramatic improvement over last time I checked, other than the hair. I have a few more scars now though: a thin line on my head that'll be covered up before long, some spots on my left arm from arrows, and a large one spider webbing across my chest. They had to cut me open more to get all the pieces of my ribs back in place before I could be healed, so I look like an absolute mess now. X-rays aren't a thing in this world, so the healers were concerned I might need further surgery down the line if more bone shows up where it's not supposed to.

Still, my eyes and cheeks aren't so sunken, my arms aren't as thin. I'm still pale as a fucking ghost, but without the coating of blood to contrast it doesn't look nearly as ghastly. I have to squint to see my ribs enough to count them, whereas before they were plainly visible.

I think my body's going to recover. And I'm still not sure how to feel about that.

"Mister Benjamin!" I'm jolted from my musing as Donnel bursts through the door. He's panting from exhaustion, but looks elated. "We finally got a message! The others did it! They're on their way back!" 

* * *

The Shepherds make their triumphant return to Gelida Dominus in the evening a few days later, with three days to spare. Donnel and Severa greet them in the courtyard, while Noire and I remain in the guest quarters; me because I'm still too weak to run up and down all those stairs, Noire because she doesn't know any of them yet.

Not even five minutes pass after they head down before I hear a high pitched whine approach at high speeds. Lissa bursts into the common area in a blur of yellow, stops just short of bowling me over (no doubt taking note of my injuries), then latches on to me anyways. It's a good hour before anyone gets anything coherent out of her, she sobs so hard. Looks like I made the right choice sticking to the crappy white shirt I got from the infirmary.

Frederick has to physically restrain Sully from clapping me on the shoulder. Chrom and Robin stick to handshakes, but get so enthusiastic that he has to restrain them as well. Sumia nearly joins Lissa, but manages to restrain herself (though she thoroughly soaks the shoulder of my shirt before managing to pull herself away).

For a while it looks like a full on celebration is imminent, but everyone's fatigue catches up with them before things can spiral out of control. The Shepherds pushed themselves absurdly hard to meet the deadline, and now that they've succeeded the feeling of relief leaves them even more lethargic than I am. We pry Lissa off of me, say our goodnights, and agree to catch up properly in the morning.

Then that bitch Flavia shows up at the crack of dawn and announces a meeting. And suddenly all the VIPs in the shepherds are stuck making their way back to the same meeting room where Raimi beat the shit out of me.

"She couldn't have waited?" Robin complains through a broad yawn, trudging along at the tail end of the group. "All this time we've spent rushing back here, through the damn snow no less, and I don't even get the comfort of a full nights rest in a warm bed?"

"The unfortunate price of leadership, I'm sorry to say." Chrom replies. "We'll just have to let the others sleep extra for us."

"What I want to know is why Lissa's still in bed while I'm stuck attending this damn thing." I growl, hobbling along as fast as I can. "It's not like I hold a leadership position around here."

"Khan Flavia requested your presence specifically, Ben." Frederick replies. "She said that you were vital to the conversation."

"Pretty sure she's just fucking with me, but whatever." I gesture with my crutches. "Got me two perfectly good beating sticks right here if she pisses me off. Don't even think about it!" I snarl at the Feroxi escort now eying my crutches warily.

"Ben, if you start another diplomatic incident with the Khan we will have words." Chrom sighs.

"Not my fault she likes fucking with me."

"It really kind of is."

"Shut up, Robin."

We're brought into the meeting room find Khan Flavia already waiting for us. Behind her, Raimi stands stoically, though her gaze narrows when she makes eye contact with me. As I hobble to my seat next to Robin she glances down at the table. I follow her gaze and snort. It's still got a stain from when she beat the shit out of me.

"Breaking out the good furniture for me, huh?" I comment sardonically.

"What can I say, sometimes a good bloodstain can make a hell of a statement." Flavia replies with a shit-eating grin.

I chuckle in response. "Happy to be of service."

"Continue to mouth off to the Khan and I will have you lend your services again, scum." Raimi snarls in my direction.

Chrom sends me a warning glance, but I really can't help it. "My, somebody's feeling petty." I cock an eyebrow, feigning confusion.

Robin's face hits his hands with an audible slap. Chrom lets out a long-suffering sigh. Frederick glares daggers at me.

Raimi takes about two steps before Flavia silences her with an absolutely withering glare. "You had your shot at him, Raimi. I don't care what happened between you, it's past over. Keep looking for excuses and you'll have a problem with me instead. Is that clear?" Raimi continues to glare past Flavia at me. "I said: Is. That. Clear."

Flavia shifts and the room suddenly feels colder. Raimi pales visibly and returns to her original place. "Crystal." She replies bitterly, looking like she swallowed a lemon.

"Good." Flavia turns back to the rest of us and shrugs, as if to say 'what can you do?' The tension slips away from the others.

Of course, after what I've recently been through my sense of danger seems to be pretty fucking broken, so I wasn't really concerned to begin with. "Seriously though," I gesture to the table as though nothing happened. "If that's your idea of a joke, it's fucking hilarious."

"Gods damn it Ben, why are you like this?" Chrom groans in exasperation.

"What? I'm serious!" I really am, too. This is an absolute masterwork in passive-aggression.

The others look like they're about ready to tear into me when Flavia raises a hand, calling for quiet. They acquiesce immediately, though Chrom looks tense still. She waits about a minute for the mood to settle before finally speaking. "Nearly two months ago Prince Chrom, you told me you'd show me what the Halidom of Ylisse was made of."

"Uhh, I- ahem- I did say that, yes." Chrom replies nervously. "We promised you the complete eradication of the twin bandits, Victor and Vincent."

"With a two month time limit. You made it back with time to spare. Saved three of my villages in the process, too. And let's not forget what this one got up to in the meantime." She gestures to me with a smirk.

"What you got up to?" Robin looks over at me curiously. Chrom and Frederick do the same from across the table.

"Uhh… Did nobody tell you?" I look over to Flavia, who gives an apathetic shrug. Right, not her problem. Still, "I assumed Severa or Donnel would have sent you a message."

"We received a letter telling us you were found, and were recovering from your injuries." Frederick replies. "However, the message spared a great many details."

"Well this is fucking awkward." I lean back in my seat. "Okay, long story short, I was fished out of the river by a bunch of slavers. They… looked after me for a while."

"Until he broke out and killed about forty of them!" Flavia smirks. "When you said your people were higher quality you really meant it, huh? I had this guy pegged as a smartass weakling, but walking through that mess sure changed my mind! For a country ruled by a pacifist you've got some serious monsters working for you, Prince!"

Her proclamation is met with dead silence. I fix my gaze on the floor, unwilling to meet anybody's eye.

"… Forty?" Chrom says after a moment. His voice sounds strained.

"Thirty six, give or take. I started to lose track by the end." I reply, not looking up. I don't want to know what they think of me. "… Blood loss probably messed with my head a little." I add.

I'm injured, remember? I'm… I'm a victim here. This wasn't my fault.

Don't hate me. Please don't hate me.

"Which is why your golden boy here is stuck hobbling around the castle on crutches." Flavia chuckles, seemingly immune to the oppressive atmosphere. "But I digress. Point is, in the past two months you guys have done everything I asked of you and then some. So all that being considered, I'd say it's only fair I make good on my end of the deal."

This seems to lift the mood in the room, as everyone looks up to Flavia hopefully. I don't react except to sigh, knowing what's coming next.

"You mean it? Regna Ferox will form an alliance with Ylisse?" Chrom asks hopefully.

"Hmm, can't really guarantee that at the moment." Flavia says, a teasing lilt to her voice. "You have my allegiance, certainly, but as for the rest of the country…"

There's a moment of silence, then Chrom explodes. "After everything we've done, are you seriously about to tell us we've been speaking with the wrong damn Khan this whole time?!" Huh. I guess Chrom did his homework before bringing us here. Or more likely, Emmeryn knew about the Feroxi system and filled him in. Looks like they missed a critical step, though.

"Hey, not my fault you Ylisseans are so damn content to hole up in your country you can't even be bothered to learn who's in charge of the nation next door." Flavia replies with a chuckle.

"After everything we've gone through… Has this all been one big game to you?" Chrom snarls indignantly.

"Oh calm down, little Prince. The West Khan wouldn't have given you the time of day with the proposal you brought me. Fact is: I was your only chance at getting this alliance."

"Care to elaborate?"

"It's simple. The West Khan has held the power in this country for years. The old bastard has money, control of the shipping industry, and some of the best warriors in the world. Simply put, you had nothing to offer him that he couldn't get with far less trouble. No chance to negotiate.

"I, on the other hand, have not been nearly as fortunate. Fact is, my end of the country has a lot less going for it. The forestry industry isn't bad here, but we've got much harsher weather. This tends to lead to more people becoming desperate, which means that banditry is much more of an issue here, and tracking the bastards down is damn near impossible. Makes it hard to get any damned momentum going.

"We keep our issues separate in Regna Ferox, for the most part. Both Khans govern their half of the country on their own. We clean up our own messes. So the bandits on my side of the country are my job to deal with. And thanks to you lot, it's done. Which means now I owe Ylisse a favor. And that means you've gained a hell of a lot more traction with me already than you would have out West."

"So, you're saying this was our only chance to get in good graces with Regna Ferox." Robin says uneasily.

"Eh, we probably could have figured something else out if you were persistent enough." Flavia shrugs. "But that would have taken a lot longer. And now, we're in a prime position."

"Are we now?" Frederick replies, looking curious.

"Damn right. Think about it: one of the Khans of Regna Ferox owes you an alliance, but doesn't have the political power to provide you with one. So what do you do?"

"Get that Khan put in charge, obviously." I reply. "So how long until we can do that?"

"Glad you asked." Flavia smirks at me. "Every three years, on the first day of the year, we hold a competition. The Khans pick a champion, send them to fight, and let the winner decide who runs the nation from there."

"Wait, you decide the ruler of the nation based on who can win a fight?" Robin asks in confusion. "That seems a little… impractical. Surely there are better qualifications to consider?"

"You're not thinking about this properly." Flavia replies with a grin. "It's not about who can win the fight, it's about who can secure the better fighter. Securing an undefeatable champion takes negotiating skills, connections to the right people, and a keen eye for talent."

"So, if a Khan were to present, say, the prince of a nation as their champion…" Chrom says, eyes lighting up.

"It would mean that Khan is more than qualified to take over." Flavia concludes with a nod. "Of course, you still have to win the fight, but after the results you guys just got against those bandits I'm feeling pretty confident in my choice."

"In other words, all we have to do is win this competition, and we have our alliance. Our nations will join forces against Plegia." Chrom gives Flavia a hard look, "No more tests."

"I'm a woman of my word, Prince." Flavia nods. "You've earned my respect and then some. As far as I'm concerned it would be a damn shame to sit back and watch Plegia walk all over your country now."

"Then consider your tournament won." Chrom shakes hands with the warrior woman. "I will win you that position, for the sake of my people."

"I'm sure you will." Flavia grins. "Alright, I'll leave it to you to decide who you bring along. You've got six positions to fill, along with yourself. Reigning champions get two extra, so make sure you bring the best of the best. I'd recommend that redhead, personally."

"As would I." Robin chimes in eagerly. "Oh, but there is the inter-teammate dynamics to consider as well. I'll have to consider what sort of arrangement will give us the best synergy…" He trails off, mumbling to himself, and I can't help but chuckle despite myself. It's been a while since I've seen him like this. Though it's been a while since I've seen him at all, so I suppose that's obvious.

"Is there anything else we'll need to worry about?" Frederick asks, seeing that Robin has withdrawn into his own world. "Any sort of ceremony that needs following?"

"Eh, there's a sort of opening procedure, but it's about as informal as it gets. Usually the old man and I just trade insults across the stadium for a bit." Flavia chuckles. "Gets hard to hear him brag about his winning streak before every fight, but he'll be eating his words this year. I can feel it!"

"Nothing like a bit of trash talk to get the fans excited, I suppose." I muse. "Unless you wanted to put on a real production, of course."

There's a pause as Flavia considers my words. "You got something in mind there?"

I look up in surprise. She seems pretty interested… "I might. How big can we go with this?"

"Please." Flavia scoffs. "It's Ferox. The bigger, the better."

I allow a grin to creep across my face. "Oh, that's promising. I can work with that."

Regna Ferox won't know what hit them.

* * *

 **So, after all the reviews asking me "Is Ben Severa's dad?" you finally get an answer! Long story short: Shit's Complicated.**

 **Needless to say this is a topic that will be revisited again further down the road. For now though, those two are content enough that they've properly talked about it. As to the other characters involved in this mess of a situation... well you'll have to wait and see, obviously.**

 **Next time: Ben shows the people of Regna Ferox some good old fashioned North American spectacle.**


	19. Chapter 18

**Gotta give a big shoutout to my good friend and fellow writer TheBobcat18 for this one. He directed me to some sources that really helped me work out some of the sticking points for this chapter. If you like Star Wars and haven't read his story The Force's Shepherds I highly recommend it!**

* * *

Gelida Dominus may be the capital of the east, and Auream Dominus may be the capital of the West, but if you ask any Feroxi what the true capital of Regna Ferox is, they will tell you the same thing.

The heart of Regna Ferox is in its arena. The building stands tall, as massive as the Roman colosseum would have been back in its heyday, a point of pride for all the Feroxi people. This nation was forged through the unification of hundreds of barbarian tribes; people hardened by centuries of battle who decided to join together and create something truly awe-inspiring. They formed their nation around the arena, a promise to themselves and to the rest of the world that their warrior spirit would never falter.

The festival is a reflection of that. The Feroxi aren't barbarians anymore, but the spirit of competition rules this nation. Where Feroxi once competed for food and shelter, they now compete for political influence. Strength is still what matters here; they simple choose a different means by which to measure it. They know that strength is a thing that comes in many forms.

Strength can be found in influence, in connections, and in leadership ability. It can come from great wisdom and intelligence. It can come in physical strength.

And if my past month is any indication, it can come in the form of absolutely saintly. Levels. Of patience.

It's been a lot of work getting to this point. People to organize, talent to find, and things I had to just straight up invent for the sake of this show. And it all comes down to this.

I stand on Khan Flavia's viewing balcony, and snap out several swift hand signs. As I peer into the crowd I'm pleased to see the signs echoed from multiple key locations around the arena. My troops are in place.

"We're ready to go." I nod to Flavia.

"After everything you had me pay for you'd better be." Flavia snorts from her seat of honor. "I'm taking a big gamble letting you do this, you know."

"What gamble? I'm a great singer." I wave a hand dismissively.

"I'm gambling that you'll be able to point that talent you have for being a pain in my ass in a different direction for a change." Flavia replies. "I'm still not convinced you're not doing this to make my life miserable."

"Just wait." I grin in anticipation. "If you Feroxi are anywhere near as good at partying as you seem to think you are, this is going to blow some minds. Your doctors may have written papers on my medical treatment, but your performers are going to be the ones taking notes this time."

"I'll believe it when I see it." Flavia leans back calmly. "And if I don't see it, well…" She chuckles darkly.

Welp, no pressure.

I take my position on the corner of the balcony as the other Shepherds file in. Lissa and Sumia beeline for me, same way they've been doing for weeks now, but it looks like they're not trying to drag a heart-to-heart conversation out of me for a change. Which is good because this isn't the place, and they had a job to do.

"Hello ladies." I raise my arms in welcome, then rethink and step back. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Frederick." Sumia replies, expression hinting that she's on the verge of violence. "We practically had to fight him to get the paint on." From the look of her it was a dangerous battle indeed. Her front is positively splattered with blue and green. It'll be hell to wash that out if it's not done soon, but Sumia clearly doesn't have any intention of missing the show. Her dedication is awe inspiring, truly.

"That guy needs to learn how to relax once in a while!" Lissa stomps a foot irritably.

"Pull rank on him when we're back in Ylisse." I reply with a grin. "You are royalty after all." Lissa gets that same devilish grin she gets when planning a prank, and I turn back to Sumia hastily. "No problem with the others?"

"Severa doesn't like to say no to you, and Chrom certainly won't say no to me." Sumia gives me a coy smile. "Everyone else was happy to go along with it. Just wait until you see Vaike!"

"Oho, that sounds promising!" I grin, turning back to the audience. "Alright, that was the last item on the agenda. This is going to be a show to remember!"

My grin broadens as Basilio rises from his seat on the opposite side of the arena. He raises his arms and the crowd roars in approval. The reigning Khan is about to start the show.

Basilio strides to the edge of the balcony, an absolute behemoth of a man, and gestures to the man next to him. It's a mage, and the guy looks tiny when compared to his boss. But the way his hands start to move reveal a serious talent for complicated spell weaving. This guy is a highly trained specialist in wind magic, who uses magic to amplify and spread the sound of the Khan's voice throughout the stadium. It takes a serious master to pull such a complex spell off.

I hired two of them on my end and it came out to more than half my goddamn budget. Which meant a lot of creative money management on my end.

"WELCOME, CITIZENS OF REGNA FEROX!" Basilio's voice explodes into the air. The big bastard just yells at the top of his damn lungs, and when combined with the amplification spell the force of his voice is enough to make me wince. I swear it blows the hair out of my eyes.

The effect is undeniable, drowning out the yelling and cheering of thousands of Feroxi and bringing them to an immediate state of rapt attention. In the wake of Basilio's deafening greeting the arena is immediately struck absolutely silent. I can't help but be impressed by it.

Basilio looks around appraisingly and nods, seemingly satisfied that his opening produced the desired effect. "Good turnout this year! Gotta say, pretty shocked you all keep coming out to say the same thing every three years, but I guess that goes to show the Feroxi have a good eye for politics! It feels like only yesterday I was watching my champion win for the seventh time…"

Khan Basilio doesn't seem to be much of a linguist, but he's loud and in charge so his words are having an effect. Already the Westerners are roaring in approval while the Easterners hiss and boo. Both reactions are fuel to the Khan's fire. Best to douse this quickly before he picks up too much momentum. I signal to my mage and he starts casting wind magic.

"I can only hope this time around Khan Flavia has chosen somebody who can last more than five minutes after her pitiful performance last-"

STOMP

STOMP

CLAP

The sound is amplified to the maximum volume my helper can manage, and does a hell of a job cutting the noisy bastard off.

"… year. What the hell?" Khan Basilio's arms drop as he squints suspiciously across the arena towards our balcony. "You gonna fight back, or just make a lot of noise Flavia? This isn't-"

STOMP

STOMP

CLAP

Flavia snorts, and I give her a nod along with the cheekiest grin I can manage. Basilio walks over to the edge of his balcony and leans over. "OI-"

STOMP STOMP CLAP

STOMP STOMP CLAP

STOMP STOMP CLAP

STOMP STOMP CLAP

And now we have a proper tempo going. By the third repetition the Shepherds behind me have joined in, prompted mostly by an enthusiastic Lissa.

And by the fourth the hundred or so people I've planted throughout the audience join in as well. Mob psychology does the rest from there. It only takes a few people joining in with their neighbours to start a chain reaction that spreads throughout the stadium. Even the folks from Western Ferox join in, sensing something interesting about to begin. The pattern repeats from there without my input, and the thousands of people joining in almost equal my amplified noise in volume. Just like that, we have a percussion section.

Higher in the stands, on the opposite end from me, two more groups I planted trigger their fire spells, lighting two giant lanterns. A set of mirrors direct the light straight at Khan Flavia's balcony, and while the result is hardly what I'd call a steady beam of light, it does the job well enough. I invented these makeshift spotlights in a couple of days, so the design could definitely stand to be refined. But if you've never seen a spotlight before (like literally everyone else in the arena) this is probably pretty mind-blowing.

All eyes turn to Flavia's balcony, and from there, they focus in on the sight of a cloaked figure who leaps onto the edge of the balcony. That figure being, of course, me. I steady myself, rise to my feet and grin at the sound of confused murmuring throughout the stadium, a low drone behind the steady rhythm of stomping feet.

I hold my arms up to my side, and Lissa and Noire run forward to grab my cloak, while Donnel holds me steady. The cloak is pulled away, revealing clothing of pristine white, my arms and shoulders bare.

Because if I'm going to sing the anthem of every sporting event I ever attended in my childhood, I'm going to make it a proper fucking tribute. With my hair still short from my medical treatment all you'd need to do is slap a mustache on my face and I'd be the spitting image of one of the greatest rock stars of all time. Hats off to you, Freddie.

I start stomping again, and the people who paused to wonder what the heck was going on join in again, raising the volume back to a proper cacophony of a percussion.

STOMP STOMP CLAP

STOMP STOMP CLAP

STOMP STOMP CLAP

STOMP STOMP CLAP

STOMP STOMP CLAP

STOMP STOMP CLAP

STOMP STOMP CLAP

STOMP STOMP CLAP

 _Buddy, you're a boy, make a big noise  
Playing in the street, gonna be a big man someday  
You got mud on your face, you big disgrace  
Kicking your can all over the place, singin'_

 _We will, we will rock you  
We will, we will rock you_

I start pacing along the balcony as I sing the first chorus, raising an arm to point across the arena at Basilio, and as I do the people in the arena start screaming with excitement. The meaning of the lyrics is sinking in, and the Feroxi are loving it. East or West, these people clearly love a show.

 _Buddy, you're a young man, hard man  
Shouting in the street, gonna take on the world someday  
You got blood on your face, you big disgrace  
Waving your banner all over the place_

 _We will, we will rock you, sing it!  
We will, we will rock you!_

They're singing along, holy shit this is amazi- focus! Focus!

 _Buddy, you're an old man, poor man  
Pleading with your eyes, gonna get you some peace someday  
You got mud on your face, big disgrace  
Somebody better put you back into your place, do it!_

 _We will, we will rock you  
We will, we will rock you  
We will, we will rock you  
We will, we will rock you_

The people sing along in earnest as I wave them on, but in the background another sound starts to build; a note, one rapidly growing in intensity. The most important piece of this puzzle, the one instrument played in this song of kings. This presented me with a problem during the planning phase: guitars apparently don't exist yet. Not even a dedicated band geek like myself has the knowhow to make one, so I chose the next best thing. Another string instrument known for powerful tones and serious intensity.

The motherfucking cello.

Not just any cello player though! The most insane, unorthodox cello player known in Ferox. A man sneered upon by his fellow musicians across the continent for his wild and undisciplined playing.

A man who was all too happy to help after hearing his son had been rescued by slavers. Truly, destiny had a hand in this performance.

The spotlights turn slowly several balconies over to where Christoph, the mad Cello player of Eastern Ferox weaves his bow across the strings. As his own designated wind mage weaves the sound through the air Christoph increases the intensity of his drawn out note until the sound feels as though it's drilling into the foundations of the arena itself. The audience, being proud Feroxi and therefore not to be outdone, begin singing even louder in response, stamping their feet in unison with the clear intention of making the ground shake.

I make a frantic cutting motion to my mage and he ends the spell making my voice carry across the arena. I fall back behind the balcony wall as Christoph abandons his single note and begins to let his fingers fly along the neck of the cello. Donnel supports me as I stagger out of sight, and Stahl rushes over with water and a tonic he prepared in advance.

"Water first, then the tonic." He instructs as he hands me a flagon. "It'll be unpleasant, but you need to let the tonic sit a while before washing it down if you want the full effect."

"Leave the tonic a minute." I wheeze, taking small sips of the water. "Not done just yet."

This is the price to pay for performing in front of a stadium of people with damaged lungs. I realized very quickly during practice that singing is… while not impossible, certainly ill-advised. But the show must go on.

"Ben, you can't-"

"No more singing. I promise." I reply. "Just need to do a bit of talking." Stahl doesn't look impressed, but he relents all the same.

I drink some more water and walk back out to the balcony. Flavia is grinning like a lunatic as she watches Christoph play, and all around the stadium I see similar reactions. Christoph's bow is fraying further by the second, his arm rocketing back and forth and his arm trembling as he presses the strings. The crowd roars in approval, having given up on singing completely in the face of this lunatic playing his cello with the intensity of a man at war. Were it not for the beat they somehow continue to keep, I have little doubt this stadium would dissolve into complete insanity.

Were you to write a story of Christoph's life, there is little doubt in my mind that this would be the climax. I have to pause on my way to my position, in awe. His face is beaming, his arms shaking, his cello screaming. The crowd roars, barely contained by the rhythm he plays to, the tempo they keep for him. The mage moves his arms fluidly, a strange sort of dance he performs to the music he's spreading. I see a familiar looking boy jumping along to the music, motions devoid of his father's sense of rhythm but full of joy and a freedom that wasn't there when I found him in a cage not two months ago.

A part of me wants nothing more than to let Christoph play like this forever. The other part of me indulges for just a moment before I signal my wind mage and advance back on the wall. Christoph, a true professional even as he makes history as the first rock star of Ferox, lets the intensity build for just a moment longer before performing a swift and precise descending chromatic scale and keeping a low C held as the lights swivel back to me.

"HEY YOU FEROXI BASTARDS!" I roar to the crowd. "YOU'VE BEEN DOING THINGS THE SAME WAY AROUND HERE FOR THE LAST TWENTY FOUR YEARS, BUT NOW IT'S TIME TO SHAKE! THINGS! UP!"

The crowd roars in excitement and I leap back up onto the wall again. "THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR! MAKE SOME NOISE! STOMP YOUR FEET! THIS WILL BE A FIGHT LIKE NOTHING YOU'VE SEEN BEFORE! KHAN FLAVIA OF THE EAST IS DONE PLAYING SECOND BEST! SHE'S TAKING HER THRONE, AND SHE'S DECIDED TO DO IT IN THE BIGGEST GODS-DAMNED WAY REGNA FEROX HAS EVER SEEN! SO LET ME HEAR YOU MAKE SOME NOISE FOR YOUR NEW CHAMPION IN THE MAKING!"

The crowd decides to respond to that by bellowing loudly enough to make my head rattle, and if it weren't for the absolutely indescribable adrenaline rush this was giving me I swear it'd knock me right off the fucking wall. "THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR! THEN IT IS MY MOST INCREDIBLE HONOR TO INTRODUCE TO YOU ALL, THE CHAMPION OF THE EAST, THE PRINCE OF YLISSE, LORD CHROM, AND HIS PERSONAL MILITIA, THE SHEEEEEEEEEEPHEEEEEEEEEEEERDS!"

The gates below me open with this cue, and my last two mages, one level above me, spray an explosion of white sparks into the air. They fizzle out as they fall around the gate, framing the entrance with light, and Christoph starts playing again in earnest as the group emerges. Chrom, Frederick, Sully, Vaike, Robin, Miriel, and Severa. My wind mage has to hastily dart away as the others crowd around me, peering down at our chosen group.

Chrom marches proudly at the head of the pack, holding aloft the standard of Eastern Ferox (a wolf of ice blue, ringed by pine trees, against a white background). His usual cape has been replaced by a deep forest green one, and he wears full armor, rather than the usual light equipment he tends to bear. The armor, normally polished silver with gold trim, has been painted over with the same icy blues and greens that color the standard he plants in the ground. Behind him, the others show similar colors, having all been seen to by Sumia and Lissa in advance.

True to Sumia's earlier complaint, Frederick looks thoroughly miserable beneath all the paint on his armor. The others seem to have taken it in stride though. Sully grins proudly atop her horse, despite the patches of unpainted red armor clashing horribly with her team colors. Robin has abandoned his coat for the sake of looking the part, leaving his arms bare; one painted green, the other blue. Miriel's coloring looks so flawless I have little doubt some sort of spell is involved, and she looks avidly around as she takes notes on the crowd reactions. Severa has less color than the others, but seems to have weaved ribbons of blue and white into her twintails, no doubt a compromise so she wouldn't have to deal with any paint.

And then there's Vaike. What a fucking treasure he is. He stands shirtless, as always, with his left half painted green and his right half painted blue. He holds a shortaxe in each hand, with a steel greataxe belted to his back, and he howls wildly as the crowd cheers. He postures for the audience, totally in his element, and they make their approval clear.

Our group does the same, though our cheering has no shortage of laughter mixed in.

"You look wonderful, Chrom!"

"Looking good, bro!"

"Don't look so glum Frederick, you are the picture of beauty!"

"Sully! Sully up here! No, over- over here… drat."

"You really outdid yourself with the paint, Sumia."

"Why thank you, Stahl!"

"Not a bad show, Flavia!" Basilio's voice suddenly cuts back in. "But I'm afraid the effect will be cut down a fair bit once my champion is done beating your little prince into the ground."

Flavia gestures sharply to my wind mage and the man rapidly shifts his spell over to her. "Bold words, old man! Let's see if you can back them up!" She steps forward and places a foot on the balcony, leaning into the arena. "This lot has carved through bandits, slavers, and monsters all across my lands, and that's in just the past few months! What do you have that can beat them? Not that Chon'sin boy of yours again, I hope?"

"Bahahaha!" Basilio rears back his head and slaps his chest as he laughs. "No, not him. I just hired the man who beat him instead! OI, COME ON OUT, YOU LOT."

Flavia grimaces a bit at his declaration, though she hides it well enough that I'm sure nobody outside of the balcony could notice. All eyes move to the opposite gates, which open to reveal a rather typical arrangement for Regna Ferox: Two hulking brutes with axes, two heavily armored knights, and two mages.

Then comes the star of the show (excluding Christoph of course), Lucina, also known as Marth. And, in a surprising turn of events, she's flanked by two other familiar people. One, a knight with purple trim, the other, a mage with a ridiculously oversized hat.

"Oh shit." Noire whispers from beside me.

"Laurent and Kjelle?" I mutter to her under my breath.

She wordlessly nods in response, before groaning. "Oh, we are going to be in so much trouble. Lucina was very clear that we weren't supposed to contact you guys!"

Lissa looks back from fawning over Marth in concern. "Is she alright?"

"I think it's just the noise getting to her a bit." I wave it off with a shrug. "C'mon kiddo, let's get you sitting down, that'll help. You got any more water, Stahl?"

"Hang on." He jogs over to one of Flavia's servers, then returns a moment later with a fresh flagon. Unlike myself Noire is poured a goblet, which she accepts gratefully. Stahl then shoves my flagon back into my hands. "You need to re-examine your definition of 'a bit of talking', by the way."

"By Feroxi standards I was downright timid." I snort, taking a long drink from the flagon. "Ahh, but yeah, I'll take that tonic now, if you don't mind."

Stahl rolls his eyes and passes it over, taking the flagon from me. "Wait at least fifteen minutes before you have anything to drink."

I drain the flask in one gulp, and wince as I feel the burn on my throat. It passes swiftly though, replaced by a feeling like every breath I take is as cold as the air outside. "Oof!" I cough as the icy sensation sweeps through my lungs. "Whatever the fuck that does, it's certainly working."

"It runs in the family." Stahl grins, before his attention is drawn back towards the arena. "Oh, it's starting!"

Noire still seems too nervous to get up, so I leave her in her seat and return to the balcony, just in time to see Marth and Chrom's clash draw to a close. Now that the performance is over, the men I assigned to the spotlights seem to have decided to put them to better use, and the fight is cast in a stark contrast to the darker, torch-lit clashes.

So far the only combat outside of the two champions comes from the mages, who are beginning to feel each other out. Robin is clearly the weakest of the group in terms of pure magical power, but Miriel is so far above the others that it's an even battle. A flashy one too, as gouts of fire and bolts of lightning burst on either side of the epic duel occurring in the center of the ring. The attacks are large enough that the others are given little choice but to walk around.

"It sure is a shame that we weren't allowed to bring mounts." Kellam notes as he watches Sully jog around the magical battle occurring.

"I am afraid it couldn't be helped." Virion replies with a forlorn tone. "Infantry combat is held in such high regard amongst the Feroxi people, after all. Why, it is practically sacred!"

"Still, it cuts down how effective they are by a fair bit." I note, watching Frederick running along the opposite side in his heavy plate armor. "Frederick and Sully are both brutal fighters, but their horses add a lot to their ability."

"Ylisse trains us just as well without horses as with, don't worry." Stahl replies.

"Oh yes, even I had foot training." Sumia nods along, before adding sheepishly, "Of course, my training was with heavy armor, so I can't really use it well if I get dismounted. Pegasus knights can't really use plate."

I'm just going to add 'complete lack of cohesion in fighting styles' to the list of thinly disguised assassination attempts I've been keeping for Sumia. It feels sometimes like those noble shits were doing everything in their power to hold her back.

I put the thought aside as the melee units begin to clash, in an oddly balanced conflict. Vaike and Sully are on one side of the spell casters, and Frederick and Severa take the other. Each duo faces off against one axe user and one armored knight.

"Why is this so even?" I ask aloud. "This is just a bunch of two on two battles."

"Yeah, shouldn't our team have mopped them up by now?" Lissa asks with a grin.

"A good point." Virion looks about curiously. "I have not seen a single trace of Marth's final two companions since the battle began. Where could they be hiding?"

The million dollar question right there. It's an open ring, with nothing to be seen inside, save for some exquisite patterns painted in the floor. So where are they hiding? Kjelle's too bulky to hide behind the knights, so they must be either around the outside of the arena… or…

"Of course, the fire!" Virion calls out in alarm just as the answer comes to me. We both turn our attention to the middle of the arena, where Robin is using wind magic to fend off a steady stream of fire from the enemy mage. It's too steady, in fact. Impractically so. The amount of energy needed to keep a constant flamethrower going is extremely taxing; even Miriel would feel considerable strain. From his position on the ground, Robin is too overwhelmed with defending to see the missing variables in this fight, his vision blocked by flames. Which means the Shepherd most capable of picking out a surprise attack has been placed in the worst position to do so.

By the time I've begun to debate yelling a warning the mage has already dropped his wall of fire, and from behind it Kjelle and Laurent rush at Vaike and Sully. Robin, to his credit, realizes the predicament they're in immediately and attempts to pin them with his winds, but Laurent has his own book at the ready and deflects the technique. Sully is on the verge of defeating her opponent, but seeing the additional forces rushing in forces her on the defensive. She kicks at the enemy knight to create space, and barely manages to brace herself in time before Kjelle hits her like a fucking truck.

Despite seeing her opponent coming, Sully is still sent tumbling away by the force of Kjelle's blow (more of a tackle, really). They're probably equals in strength, but Kjelle has far heavier armor, and that weight difference matters when one opponent is bull-rushing the other. Sully rolls like an expert, and skids to a halt on her feet, but Kjelle is already bearing down with her spear by time she's stopped moving.

Vaike is left to handle the Feroxi opponents alone, as Robin prevents Laurent from finishing the job. Robin's previous opponent, the mage, moves past the two to flank Miriel, and forces her to defend an attack from the rear. Her original opponent stops for just a moment, catching his breath after nearly being overwhelmed by the superior mage.

And for just an instant, there is a clear line of sight between Marth and Chrom's duel, and Severa's fight against the enemy knight.

In one instant, Chrom has locked swords with his opponent, and is using his superior strength and weight to overpower them.

In the next, he is left alone in the middle of the arena, completely at a loss as to what just happened.

The mages engage Miriel together just as Marth crosses, and there's a brief cry of alarm as the enemy champion rolls under a bolt of lightning, leaping to her feet and rushing ahead. Lucina (because what she's doing right now clearly has nothing to do with her fake personality) then blindsides Severa just as she knocks the knight out.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Lucina shrieks in an indignant rage, swinging the Falchion in a blow that sends Severa flying.

"HOLY SHIT, SEVERA!" I yell in horror as the girl (my fucking daughter!) rolls across the ground and stops in a crumpled heap.

"It's alright, she got her sword up just in time!" Kellam reassures me, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "She wasn't cut!"

"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, I'LL STILL FUCKING END HER! YOU HEAR THAT, YOU BLUE HAIRED CUNT!?" I bellow across the arena.

"Ben!" Sumia shrieks, completely scandalized.

"Holy shit." Stahl whispers, looking stunned.

"There are some things you should not be saying to a woman, regardless of circumstances!" Virion scolds.

"HAHAHAHAHA, YOU TELL HIM, BEN!" Flavia roars with laughter from her throne, before stopping thoughtfully. "Wait, you said… her?"

"Oh yes, our opponent Marth is, despite her claims to the contrary, in fact a woman!" Virion replies with a flourish. "I could tell from the moment I first saw her, of course."

"Is that something to be proud of?" Donnel asks curiously. Lissa lets out a somewhat heartbroken whine beside him, as she stares down at Marth in shock.

"Is Severa alright?" Noire asks, stepping up beside me and peering down into the arena.

"NOIRE, YOU TOO?" Lucina immediately yells as she glares up to the balcony. Noire squeaks in a panic and retreats behind me. "DON'T THINK I DON'T SEE YOU-"

Lucina cuts off abruptly, whirling around in shock just as Frederick swats her with the flat of his lance, sending her flying even further than Severa did.

"Well horse plop, she got her guard up too!" Donnel proclaims in disappointment.

"Still pretty fucking satisfying though!" I grin savagely, watching as she shakily gets to her feet. She rises, lifting her sword steadily as Frederick advances steadily towards her.

Then things go right to shit as a blast of lightning strikes the heavily armored knight in the back. He spasms with the hit, takes a few staggering steps, and promptly falls over unconscious.

"Holy shit what." I gasp, looking towards the rest of the arena.

While we were all focused on Marth's actions, things seem to have gone right to shit. Sully and Kjelle seem to have largely abandoned their weapons in favor of just beating the shit out of each other, and Kjelle looks to be fighting to get Sully in a chokehold. Chrom, being surrounded by outnumbered allies, moved to assist Vaike with his two opponents, and looks to have been victorious, though Vaike appears to be unconscious now. Unfortunately, this means Miriel was forced to deal with her two mage opponents on her own, and was overwhelmed after only taking out one of them. The other, while pretty fucking thoroughly singed, managed to shoot Frederick in the back.

The only place where things haven't developed is the fight between Laurent and Robin, which is trapped in a total stalemate, the two circling each other in the center as they throw and dodge spells at a furious pace. Both look tired, but are still clearly in the best shape of the two teams.

Chrom makes a snap decision and runs at the enemy mage, hoping to get in close before he can be taken down by spells. The mage panics and throws a fire spell at him, hoping to wall him off, but it only slows Chrom down for a moment. This is, however, all the time Lucina needed to close in and force Chrom back into a melee. The mage relaxes, no longer under such extreme pressure, and circles slowly, preparing another spell to take the prince out of the fight for good.

Not far away, I see Kjelle drop Sully and begin to stagger over to Chrom as well. The girl is sporting two black eyes, and what looks like a broken ankle, and is bleeding from a wound in her side. She looks fucking thrilled, though whether it's due to her victory or because she's just pleased her mom put up such a good fight is beyond me.

Either way, Chrom now faces imminent attack from three angles. He's in better shape than all three of them, but the disadvantage is still massive for him. Especially since despite the heavy blow she took, Marth has all the resilience of somebody who's fought for their life since childhood.

Unless Robin manages to beat Laurent it's looking like a certain defeat for us, but Robin doesn't seem to be breaking that stalemate any time soon. Instead he's pushing Laurent away from the conflict, no doubt hoping to buy himself as much time as possible.

I state my suspicions aloud and Virion frowns. "It's certainly his best hope in this case, as far as I can tell. Still, such a strategy seems far too simplistic for a man of Robin's caliber. Surely there must be something else at foot here."

"Geez, are you sure that isn't just, you know, wishful thinking?" Donnel replies uneasily. "We're looking more cornered than a rabbit in a snare right about now."

"No, he's right." Noire replies, staring down at the field. "Robin's got another trick up his sleeve. He always does."

The comment draws curious looks from everyone, myself included, until Virion laughs it off. "The lovely Miss Noire has been watching my games with our tactician for the past month. Our new recruit has something of an eye for strategy!"

"Y-yes, well I have a long way to go." Noire blushes, staring down at the ground. I get the distinct impression that Virion's strategy games aren't what she was referring to. Geez, the kid nearly outed herself just now. Maybe Lucina's right to be pissed about her tagging along with us.

On the other hand, Lucina just swatted my daughter across the arena, so fuck her.

Wait.

My daughter.

"Aha!" I grin in anticipation as I realize the direction Robin is pushing Laurent in. "Oh, this is gonna be great!"

"Care to enlighten us?" Virion looks over curiously.

"Just wait!" I grin as Laurent steps closer towards Robin's target. "In three. Two. One."

Laurent takes a step too close to where Severa has been laying since she got sucker-punched, and the kid just blurs into motion. Severa's arm snaps out, knocking Laurent's legs out from under him and sending him sprawling in an ungainly heap. She plucks his tome out of the air as he falls, and swiftly cracks him over the head with it. Laurent hits the ground in a daze, and Robin and Severa take off like a shot.

The mage, being further away from Chrom's hectic melee, sees them coming first. He fires a bolt of lightning at Chrom in a last-ditch effort to bring the man down, and watches in disappointment as Chrom weaves out of the way, though he takes a kick to the leg by Kjelle as he does so. The spell having failed, the mage is forced to engage with Robin, preventing the tactician from shooting down Chrom's enemies.

This does nothing to stop Severa though, who runs at Lucina, though her ambush is much less effective. The two clash in a flurry of blows that blur through the air so fast I can't even follow them, which leaves Chrom to fight Kjelle. This takes… approximately three seconds, as Chrom easily dodges around a powerful but slow thrust and hits the knight hard enough to dent her breastplate. Kjelle falls to the ground wheezing, clearly unable to fight anymore, and Chrom whirls back around.

As this happens, Robin manages to hook his opponent's leg with a tug of wind magic, closes the gap as the mage staggers, and draws his sword into a fluid swing that cuts across the man's torso.

Severa's furious duel with Marth comes to an abrupt halt as Chrom brings his sword to rest against Marth's ear.

Everything has gone silent. Even the eternally rowdy Feroxi audience seems to hold their breath. And slowly, with Chrom's Falchion resting against her neck, Marth raises her arms. She drops her blade, letting it clatter against the stone floor of the arena, and announces in a loud voice. "I yield!"

Then Severa punches her in the face, knocking her out on the spot.

The arena promptly explodes into absolute chaos, as the East and West Feroxi alike cheer for the spectacle they just witnessed. Several fist fights break out immediately amongst the audience, and Christoph immediately begins playing again over the absolute cacophony.

"She's almost as bad as you are!" Lissa proclaims to me with a grin, as we dodge around the rather… exuberant celebrations of Flavia's group.

"That figures." Noire sighs.

I can only nod along in response, grinning down at Severa as she argues with Chrom below.

"Atta girl." 

* * *

**Of the past twenty days spent working on this chapter nearly all of them were spent on the first half. Conveying a rock concert in writing is tough, even if that rock concert consists of only one instrument. Still, I've been waiting to write Ben singing "We Will Rock You" in Arena Ferox for ages now, so it was very satisfying. I can't remember a school sporting event throughout elementary that didn't end up with an auditorium full of kids singing it at the top of their lungs.**

 **Let's fucking hear it for Freddie Mercury. And for Christoph, the First Rock Star of Ferox! His time in this story was brief, but his legacy will live on in Feroxi history forever.**

 **Next time, Regna Ferox throws a party the only way Regna Ferox knows how, while Lucina throws... a fit.**


	20. Chapter 19

**I wrote most of this chapter while fighting my way through a depression-fuelled funk, and I'm feeling pretty proud of that. Usually that sort of thing tends to just shut me right down.**

* * *

I take pride in saying that as a general rule I consider myself to be pretty good at handling social situations. It may seem an odd thing to be proud of to some people, but considering the way I used to be it's taken a fuckton of work to get to this point. I'm still not the greatest at handling aggression or really social confrontation in general, since my defaults tend to be withdrawing quietly or just acting like a lunatic (the latter has been happening more often as my stress levels have been increasing). But nowadays regular conversation is a simple matter, and drama is something I like to think I handle well if I'm not stuck in the middle of it.

Abso-fucking-lutely none of the above applies to parties though.

Khan Flavia is holding what must be the biggest bash in Regna Ferox history right now, and I can safely say I want nothing to do with it. Which honestly kinda ticks me off because I seem to be the only one in the room who isn't feeling totally at home.

It comes as no surprise though, really. The Shepherds are all sociable people, especially the ones currently assembled. They drink, they laugh, they dance, and they are just generally the life of the party. Except for me, the total wallflower who is currently suffering from a severe overdose of people.

Should have expected that my performance would draw some attention. But the thought of having to entertain people's questions about it somehow never crossed my mind. Getting swarmed by drunken Feroxi even less so. Guess I decided to just think happy thoughts instead of dwelling on the inevitable fallout?

I suppose Lissa and Sumia rescued me in a way. I was damn near the end of my patience before they started dancing and distracted everyone enough for me to sneak off to a dark corner.

I've been here for about ten minutes now and I'm swiftly coming to the realization that I'll have to make my escape soon. Hiding in the corner has taken the attention of the Feroxi off of me well enough, but as I watch Lissa and Sumia in the middle of the room I see Lissa's eyes dart to me increasingly often. It's only a matter of time before she comes to interrogate me.

Or worse. Try to drag me in. Last girl who tried to pull me into a dance wound up so horrifically disappointed she wouldn't talk to me for a week. I guess she saw it as an insult when I panicked and refused to get out of my seat.

I can't help but see this as another such incident waiting to happen. Lissa's an absolute delight to be around, but she's also a very sociable, energetic person. And I've got entirely too much energy around me already. Better to leave before she gets any ideas about getting me to cut loose.

It's a shame though. For all that I don't like parties, I do like to see the others having fun. There's something very beautiful about watching Lissa and Sumia whirl in circles in the center of a large crowd of dancers, skirts flying around their ankles. And the music is wonderful, with fiddles, dulcimers, drums, flutes, pipes, and an enthusiastic melodeon player, all eagerly playing and practically dancing themselves.

People whoop and holler as Sumia and Lissa leap into the air, and I can't help but grin at the sight of it. I have to wonder where they learned to dance like that, since I have little doubt the Ylissean instructors prefer something entirely more formal.

Maybe I'll ask them to teach me sometime. I always shied away from dancing classes in school, but it might be nice.

Another day though.

I turn away from the others and make to leave, and damn near crash into a woman in the process.

"Eep!" She squeaks as she narrowly darts out of the way, and I frantically hop on one foot as I lean heavily to one side. She's a tiny thing, at least a foot shorter than me.

"Shit, sorry!" I blurt out, barely managing to catch myself. "Totally didn't see you there."

"Oh, no! It's my fault really, I should have said something." The girl looks up at me with a shaky smile and I find myself struggling to keep my jaw from dropping. Good lord she's beautiful! Fair skin, soft pink hair, timid in a way that makes you want to protect her, but beautiful in a way that draws out… entirely less innocent thoughts. That outfit doesn't help, she is showing a lot of skin for this time of year, even if the room is warm enough!

Jesus fuck, enough of that you creep. I shake my head to get my thoughts back on track, resisting the urge to slap myself, since I'm sure it would only alarm the poor girl. Another glance at her reduces that urge, and I clap my cheeks several times.

"Um, are you alright?" The girl, who can only be Olivia, asks timidly.

"Yeah, sorry." I smile even as my cheeks burn with pain. "Just… needed to wake up a little. Long day, you know?" I chuckle disarmingly.

"I can imagine." Olivia giggles sweetly. "After your performance earlier I'm sure you must be exhausted!"

"Ah, you… you saw that?" I grin. "What am I saying, of course you did. Pretty sure most of Regna Ferox was watching."

"I did see it, yes!" Olivia smiles eagerly. "I was very impressed. You have a very impressive stage presence, to sing like that in front of so many people. I was hoping to talk to you about it, but there were so many people crowding around earlier that I didn't really get a chance."

Aha, so this is basically a business call for her. "Well, ask away!" I smile warmly, and hold up a hand. "My name's Ben, by the way. It's a pleasure to meet you, miss…?"

"Oh! I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce myself! My name's Olivia." She tentatively takes my hand, and I give it a light shake before withdrawing. She looks so frail a part of me worries I'd break her wrist if I gripped too hard.

It turns out to be a lovely conversation, once I manage to stop acting like a creep and think with my head instead of my dick. She asks questions about the style of music to start with, like most of the others did, but from there it becomes far more in-depth, refreshingly so. I don't reveal to her that I'm from the Outrealms, but I do make it clear that my music is from a different country far away from here, and that I based much of the performance on similar shows from home.

And from there the conversation expanded into discussions of stage lighting, instrumentation, choreography, musical theater, and more. It's… liberating, really. Olivia, while certainly timid, knows her stuff better than most, and as a former drama nerd/band geek I find myself getting more into the conversation than most I've had about my past. Others, like Lissa and Robin, have shown interest before, but Olivia seems to know exactly which questions to ask to draw me in deeper.

I'm in the middle of explaining the plot of 'West Side Story' to her when it comes to a rather abrupt halt, as Basilio suddenly yells out.

"OI OLIVIA, WHERE THE HECK DID YOU GO?"

Olivia jumps a little at the voice, and breaks out into an exasperated smile. "I guess it's time for me to perform."

"Damn. I suppose we'll have to pick this up some other time then." I shrug.

"Yes, I'll probably be dancing for a while. Basilio likes showing me off."

"I guess Khan Basilio doesn't want to end the day without something to brag about." I grin.

"Oh, stop!" She giggles, lightly shoving me. "I suppose it's true though. He's like a father, almost. Always bragging about how good I am. It's a load of nonsense of course, I'm still not very good, but it makes him happy, and I enjoy doing it, so…"

"I suppose I'll have to see for myself."

"Oh there's no need!" Olivia replies, looking suddenly nervous. "I've kept you long enough, really." At a questioning glance from me she elaborates, "Well I noticed you were about to leave when I got in your way. You were eyeing the door for a while."

"I had no idea I had such a fervent admirer!" I tease.

"Oh! Oh, no, it was nothing like that, really! I just, I was working up the courage to speak to you. I'm really not very confident at speaking to people."

"I know what you mean." I chuckle. "There was a reason I've been sitting in the corner."

At this, an expression of something akin to wonder appears on Olivia's face, but before she can say anything else-

"OLIVIA! COME ON GIRL, DON'T KEEP ME WAITING! I ALREADY LOOK FOOL ENOUGH IN FRONT OF THE NEW KHAN!" The room erupts in laughter at his remark.

Olivia jumps again, and sighs. "I should go. Could we… possibly talk again sometime?"

"I'd like that." I smile. "And I'm sure we'll have the opportunity soon enough. Our nations are allied now, after all."

"That's true!" Olivia beams up at me. "Until next time then, Ben." She flows easily through the crowd towards the table where Chrom sits with the Khans.

Well that was refreshing.

"My, my! Who knew our friend Ben had such a way with the ladies!" A voice calls out from behind me.

"There's a laugh." I roll my eyes and turn to face Virion, who grins cheekily at me. "Virion, I am a great many things, but I will never be an accomplished lady-killer."

"So you say, but the results…" He turns to watch Olivia leave appreciatively. "They speak a different story. She is beautiful, is she not? A dreadfully shy thing though. I attempted to speak to her earlier and found myself rather thoroughly rejected before I could finish my hello!"

"Sorry to say Virion, she's probably heard every line you can think of before. And then some." I grin back. "I imagine she has the eye of every noble lord in Regna Ferox. Probably a good number of the ladies, too."

"Now there is a lovely picture for the mind's eye!" Virion chuckles along. "Just as well. She does not strike me as the sort to indulge in more, shall we say… temporary pleasures."

"Whereas you are wholly dedicated to that sort of thing." I reply.

"You wound me, my friend!" Virion frowns. "I am entirely open to settling down, I'll have you know. I simply have yet to meet the right woman. Am I to be blamed for enjoying myself in the meantime?"

"Eh, I suppose not." I shrug my shoulders. "As long as the women you enjoy yourself with know what they are in for."

"And they always do, I assure you!" Virion nods emphatically. "In this land, I am not the sort of man one introduces to their family. I am more of a… foreign delicacy. The sort to be enjoyed briefly, before one settles down properly."

"Well that hardly paints you in a positive light." I smirk. "Hell, I'm pretty sure you basically just insulted yourself there."

"There is nothing wrong with fulfilling such a role." Virion shrugs. "It is not as though I get nothing from the deal. Sex is an enjoyable thing, and I have made many a friend through these little… trysts."

"I'll take your word for it, I guess." I reply. "I'm the sort of guy who prefers to wait for the right woman to come along before I indulge."

"Commendable, certainly. A fine way to go about things." Virion nods, before giving me a sharp look. "But not the only way."

"…Fair enough. I suppose I'm just old-fashioned." Which is truly ironic, given my circumstances. "Sorry if I offended you, man."

"Think nothing of it my friend. You are certainly more accepting of this than many I've known." Virion nods along.

"Well, I certainly trust you well enough not to involve yourself with a woman who isn't interested. So if the women aren't opposed to your attentions, it'd be stupid for me to be." I reply.

"Your open-mindedness does you credit, my friend." Virion smiles, before glancing back towards the crowd. "Ah, it seems your new-found friend is about to begin her performance!"

I look up and see that a large space has been cleared in the middle of the room for Olivia to dance in. To the side, a large harp has been brought in.

"I wasn't going to bust out this little number, but after that performance from the lovely girls earlier, I figured we really need to knock your socks off!" Basilio declares to Chrom with a grin.

Then to my absolute shock he sits down at the harp and stars checking the tuning on it. After a few moments of plucking at the strings, his hands begin delicately flowing over the strings, and he plucks several beautiful scales nodding in satisfaction.

"He is far from a master, but Khan Basilio is certainly an accomplished player." Virion whispers, noting my surprise. "From what I have heard, it's a hobby he took up after he began to look after his fair dancer. Poetic, is it not? Even such a peerless warrior cannot see such beauty and fail to be enthralled."

I suppose if you spend your days around Olivia you'd want to bring some more beauty into your life, yeah. Still, the sight of this one-eyed, shirtless, mountain of a man plucking at harp strings with such accuracy is really something to behold.

And then, once he's settled in, he turns to Olivia, nods, and starts playing in earnest. And she immediately begins moving.

It's not something I can put into words and do justice. Musical terms would be too clinical for what I see and hear, and I don't know the slightest thing about dancing.

It's organic, and yet not. Olivia twists and turns around the room in a way that seems natural, yet stilted and jarring in a way that feels almost inhuman. When she leaps she seems to hang in the air, as though gravity has abandoned her. When she steps the air seems to shimmer behind her. When she spins it's with beautiful, violent grace. It's alluring, and yet I feel as though approaching would be dangerous. Like a dancing flame.

Or the swirling white expanse of a blizzard outside a glass window. Yes, that feels more appropriate. The song is an ode to winter, to the icy expanse of the north. Olivia dances like snowflakes on the wind, occasionally treading lightly, only to burst into a flurry of movement as the harp sings almost violently. Her face, so warm and kind before, now seems withdrawn and distant. Cold. And as I watch Olivia move I can tell it's not a persona she adopts as much as it is an emotion she feels as the music and her own movements draw it forth. An icy whirlwind of movement that would tear you to pieces were you to brave it, even as it moves lightly across the floor.

The song ends in a flurry of motion from both dancer and player, Basilio's brow furrowed in concentration as he strains to complete the song. His hands, calloused from decades of holding an axe, show a beautiful sort of dexterity as he plays a descending movement. And as the music grows lower Olivia finishes in a slow motion, sliding low across the ground on her knees, bringing her hands together as if in prayer, and slumping to the ground, hair splayed out around her.

There's a pause. Long. Silent. Across the room I see hands raise to clap, and can't help but wince.

Then Basilio, who has yet to lower his arms, reverses course and goes from low to high. Olivia's head rises with it, her arms open welcomingly. The low, somber tones give way to bright, cheerful ones. Olivia remains kneeling, her back arches, and her hair falls behind her. Her arms stretch further back, until her hands brush against the ground behind her. Her dance concludes with her body raised in a beautiful curl, head tilted back until her hair grazes the floor, her breasts pointed to the sky. She pants with exertion, though she beams at the cheerful tone of the harp's final notes.

A blooming flower, and a clear portrayal of beautiful sexuality. New life, essentially, following the cold and beautiful death that is winter. Springtime has come. The song is over. Basilio's arms fall from the harp.

And since the rest of the room seems uncertain after the earlier pause I proudly lead the applause. After a few moments of clapping on my own the others finally seem to clue in that it's for real this time, and start cheering in earnest. Over the mesmerized crowd I see Olivia grin at me, elated with pride.

She should feel proud, too. The dance was wonderfully done; a mesmerizing message of death and renewal, the danger and beauty of nature. A sign of good things to come.

"Ah! It's a message!" I say in sudden understanding.

"Indeed." Virion replies with a smile. "Khan Basilio has passed the torch through this display of art. It was essentially a sign of confidence in the new leader, that a cycle has ended and something wonderful can take its place. Truly an awe inspiring statement to give to our new leader." He nods to Khan Flavia as she laughs and drinks from her goblet. "Though I fear much of said message was lost upon her. A beautiful woman she may be, but Khan Flavia does not appear to share her counterpart's predilection for matters of a more artistic persuasion."

"Kind of a pity." I frown. "Maybe we should explain it to her?"

"Perhaps another day." Virion replies with a smirk. "Khan Flavia seems rather preoccupied at the moment. And after as rapturous a sight as that, I feel that it is time for me to preoccupy myself as well… A good night to you my friend. If anyone asks, do tell them not to come looking for me tonight!"

"Yeah, go get them, oh wondrous 'foreign delicacy'!" I snark back with a grin. Virion laughs in response, and then steps out into the crowd to murmur something into a woman's ear.

I look back to where Olivia was taking her bows to see the woman being introduced to Chrom and Sumia by Basilio. Behind the two of them is a large group of Feroxi, no doubt hopeful suitors. Well, looks like next time for the two of us won't be happening tonight.

I look around the party a moment longer, see the others settle back into socializing and drinking with their neighbours and decide this is as good a time as any to make my escape. I turn to the door just in time to see Virion leaving with a Feroxi woman on his arm.

Damn dude, in its own way that's almost impressive. 

* * *

The sound of merry-making doesn't go away as I leave the party. It's something that seems to pervade the whole of the arena. Not a surprise since the hallway I'm heading down is filled with people from East Ferox. Outside of the main party there still has to be thousands in this city.

The Arena serves two purposes, in a way. The place holds a massive audience, but it also has space for the VIPs to live in while they visit. I've never been a VIP before in my life, so it's a pretty cool experience in that regard. Though having the Feroxi as my neighbors can be… irritating. They are not conducive to a proper night's sleep, and that tends to piss me off, especially since I have trouble enough sleeping lately as is.

 _I bring down my-_

NOPE not tonight, thank you very much! Down that road leads madness, and fuck me that phrase is feeling way more literal than I'd like lately.

Apparently I need some sort of distraction. Ironic, considering I just left a fucking party of all things. But I've never been to a party that didn't make me feel out of place and lonely, so I still feel like I made the right call leaving when I did.

I return to my room, and grab a fur cloak I took to wearing in the past month. My jacket is pretty warm on its own, but internal heating isn't what it was back home, so I've found warmer clothing to be far more essential here than it used to be.

And with my survival properly handled, I make my way down the halls, heading for the arena.

The arena has a totally different feel in the middle of the night. Without the massive bonfires going or the closely packed masses of people it feels exactly as icy as you'd expect. There's a reason this arena doesn't see much traffic during the winter, succession battles aside. Already snow is drifting down to cover the seats.

The arena does have a roof of sorts, made of retractable lengths of fabric, but it doesn't see use during the winter. If they were to pull out the canopy it would easily collapse under the weight of piling snow. The canopies are instead taken down completely and stored safely away, to be set up again during the arena's brief but busy summer season. No doubt the effort spent in clearing this place for the succession tournament was enormous.

I'd say it's not worth the effort, personally, but the more spiritual people in Ferox believe very strongly in the symbolism of life and death that comes with the New Year. Olivia's dance earlier was one of many examples of this.

At any rate, the cold emptiness of the arena is more than enough to deter most visitors now that there isn't a fight going on anymore. It's a perfect spot for me to get some fresh air and clear my head in peace.

Which is what I think until I emerge onto the balcony and see five heads immediately swivel to face me. Oh good. It's the kids. No doubt having a friendly discussion and not biting each other's heads off.

Hahaha just kidding Severa and Lucina look like they're about to kick the shit out of each other again. Oh well, since I'm already interrupting…

"Severa, Noire! Didn't even realize you were gone. Missed a hell of a dance back there. Did you know Basilio plays the harp?" I walk in with false cheer.

"Oh, h-hello Ben." Noire replies nervously. "Y-yes, you told us about it once in our timeline. He died before any of us got to hear it though."

"That's a shame." I reply earnestly, already forgetting the earlier tension. "It was pretty amazing, honestly. He can seriously play. Missed a few notes, but I doubt anybody else noticed, except for maybe Virion. And Olivia's dance… wow. True art right there."

"Didn't think that somebody like Basilio had the free time to pick up something useless like that." Kjelle comments with a frown. "Why play an instrument when you could be training to get stronger?"

"All work and no play makes Gerome a dull boy." Laurent pipes in.

"…What?" I ask in unison with Kjelle.

Laurent looks up from the book he's reading and gives me a small smile. "I heard you say it once in our timeline, Uncle Ben. I never had the chance to ask at the time, but I assume it means that constant focus on duty without taking proper time for mental recuperation leads to mental stress and a lack of efficiency in combat."

"Huh…" I fold my arms and think on that for a moment. "I suppose that's about the gist of it. Though in the original context the individual the statement referred to lost his mind completely."

"More serious than I thought, then." Laurent frowns. "How very troubling. I hope that isn't indicative of a loss of sanity on Gerome's part."

"Please, I seriously doubt Minerva would let something like that happen." Severa scoffs. "That wyvern spoils him rotten."

"She certainly does. He spends so much time with her it's like he doesn't even know how to talk to people anymore." Noire shudders visibly. "He creeps me right out."

"Really? I've never had any difficulties speaking with him." Laurent replies in confusion.

"Not exactly the best conversationalist yourself there, buddy." Kjelle scoffs.

"Why are you here?"

The discussion comes to an abrupt end as everyone looks to Lucina. "Been holding that one in for a while, haven't you?" I scoff.

"Answer the question." Lucina stares impassively at me.

"Because I hate parties, and wanted some air." I reply coolly.

"So you decided to come here and interrupt our discussion?"

"Whoa there, why the sudden hostility, Lucina?" Kjelle looks over in confusion.

"Maybe she's still mad about all the insults Uncle Ben was yelling earlier." Noire states dryly, giving me a look.

"Well forgive me if I was feeling a bit hostile towards the person who nearly decapitated my daughter." I growl.

"Gawds dad, don't start." Severa groans. "The first time was embarrassing enough! Not to mention suspicious! After all you said about not letting it slip yet, you went and had a big meltdown in front of everybody!"

"Huh." I blink at that. "Okay, I admit, I didn't really think of that at the time. I'm blaming extenuating circumstances though. Seriously Lucina, what the hell were you thinking?"

"I… I wasn't." Lucina has the good grace to look ashamed at that. "I just saw Severa was with the Shepherds and got so _mad_ …" She turns to Severa as she explains. "After all the planning I did, I saw you interfering and all I could think was 'she's going to ruin everything we worked for!' So I just… lashed out. It was a horrible lapse of judgement. I'm sorry."

Lucina bows her head and Severa goes pink with embarrassment. "Lift your head, doofus! I'm fine, you barely scratched me. Besides, I already got you back for that in the arena."

Kjelle snorts at that. "Hell of a punch."

"I was so proud!" I grin.

"Daaaaad, stop it!"

I have no intention of doing so, but the sight of the others sharing a bittersweet smile at the scene changes my mind in a real hurry. Right, they're still waiting for their chances to properly meet their parents. Let's be a bit more tactful for once.

"So Kjelle, was it fun getting to fight your mom?" I change the subject, and Kjelle brightens immediately.

"Hell yeah it was! She was like a wolverine, the way she hit me. If I hadn't caught her off guard I'm sure she would have kicked my ass!"

"Wouldn't surprise me. I still haven't come close to beating her in a spar." I look down at my arms, still somewhat emaciated, and sigh. "Gonna be a long while yet."

"You just need to train harder." Kjelle shrugs. "Try more ab curls, if you work on your core properly the rest is easy!"

"It's… gonna be a while before I can do any training, too." I grimace. "Still technically an invalid, here."

This gets the attention of the others. "What happened?" Lucina asks in sudden interest.

"I had a bad run-in with some slavers." I pull up my shirt and show the others my scar. "Took an arrow through the lung. If it wasn't for Severa I'd probably be dead."

Severa goes pale and averts her eyes at the sight of the injury, and I drop my shirt in a hurry. Noire takes it somewhat better, since she visited me while I was still bandaged up in the infirmary. The others though… Kjelle and Laurent look shocked, and Lucina stares at the spot where my scar was as though it's an affront against nature.

"That shouldn't be possible." Lucina protests almost indignantly. "You never received an injury like that in our timeline. How could this happen?"

I frown at her. "Basic rules of time travel kiddo; the smallest of actions cause chain reactions that change things in ways you could never imagine. By coming here you've already set things off their original tracks. Remember that fire the night you arrived?"

"But, but surely an event this large couldn't be caused just by our presence? This can't be right!" Lucina is growing increasingly pale, and I feel my frown deepen.

"Okay, just how much did I tell you all about time travel?" I look around at the future kids.

"You taught just about everyone something for when they returned." Kjelle nods. "In my case it was a lesson on common tactics employed by brigands and how to fight them. Came in handy, too!"

"How so?"

"I had this master, who took me in after I showed up about a year ago. He took me in and trained me while I was recovering from the trip over. Then a few months after I arrived we had a run-in with some bandits. Real low-life scumbags, who challenged my master to a duel. And then I remembered your advice, and realized he was about to pull some shady bullshit. Turns out he had a hostage, so he could force my master to surrender. But since I realized it was coming we were able to save the girl and deal with him!"

"Huh… well I'm glad it worked out so well for you then." I nod thoughtfully. More than well, it sounds like an entire paralogue of the game was averted by this.

"My case was not nearly so dramatic." Laurent speaks up. "You simply taught me about cartography. It was your belief that it would well suit my role as manager of group logistics. It was a lucky thing, since I was released in the middle of the Pyrathi Desert. I was able to use my mapping abilities to escape. This was… roughly three years ago."

Severa and Noire gasp at this. "I was wondering why you looked so much older!" Severa points a finger accusingly. "Using time travel, that's totally cheating!"

"Hey, think how we felt!" Kjelle smirks. "Before this happened Lucina and I were the oldest in the group!"

"Alright, we're getting off subject." I look towards the remaining three. "Severa, your knowledge was mostly information to deliver me, right?"

"Pretty much." Severa shrugs. "Delivered it a couple years early, but as far as I'm concerned that just means I did a way better job than you were expecting." Lucina sends a withering glare at this, which is casually ignored.

"A-and I mostly learned techniques for camouflage and wilderness survival." Noire chimes in. "I just wish I could have made better use of them. I-if I had… then…"

"Those slavers wouldn't have had a chance at finding you, I'm sure." I smile reassuringly to the girl.

Well, that's one mystery solved. It looks like most of my lessons for the future applied to getting them out of their stupid paralogues one way or another. Lucina was primarily an exception because her actions are all plot relevant. This does make me wonder what I could have taught the others, though. If memory serves some of the kids are encountered trying to save the day on their own. I doubt any lessons I teach could convince Owain to stop being a big damn hero.

Oh well, nothing to do but wait and see how things play out. And on that note…

"Okay, I'm glad to hear that future Ben taught you all some valuable life skills, and that you've been doing your best to put them to good use." I nod and smile at the kids, who all brighten up a bit at the praise. Ah geez it's scary to see the effect I have on them with so few words. "But all of that doesn't really answer my original question. I didn't ask you all what I taught you to prepare you for your time travel; I asked you what you knew about time travel itself."

"Ah, I should have realized your question was one of a more theoretical nature!" Laurent starts rifling through his bag. "Hold a moment, I have been collecting notes on the metaphysical aspects of our journey."

"That's hardly necessary." Kjelle replies. "We're here to make sure that the events that caused the world to go to shit don't happen. It doesn't matter how it works."

"False." I reply flatly.

"Come again?" Kjelle looks at me with an expression of shock. Lucina and Noire are similarly taken aback, while Laurent nods along as he fishes through his bag. Severa just grimaces and looks away.

"Hoo boy." I sigh, trudging over to a nearby seat and dusting the snow off. "Okay, this could take a while." I sink slowly into the seat and let out a groan of relief as the weight leaves my legs. "Sorry, been a long day and I'm still not the best with standing for hours at a time. Anyways, first thing you all need to know about time travel: everything that happened to you still happened to you. There's no undoing it."

"How can that be? If we can't change the future, then what's the point of it all?" Noire replies shakily.

"Our goal is not to undo our own future, but to create a new one. Aha!" Laurent replies, pulling the correct book free. "If we were to change our own future, then the circumstances which led us to travel backwards in time and correct our future wouldn't happen."

"Basically, it would be a totally pointless journey." Severa elaborates. "We can't change our own future because our future is what led us here in the first place."

"Top marks, you two." I nod. "Time travel cannot undo things that have already happened. What has happened must happen. As horrible as it seems, the tragedy you've faced, the people you've lost, it's all necessary because it all helped bring you here."

"You speak of fate." Lucina glares at me. "I refuse to believe that some mystical force is tampering with events in such a way to bring this world to ruin! I won't let such a thing bind me."

"And you'd be right to disbelieve." I nod. "But not for the reason you seem to think. Your understanding of fate is flawed. Here, let me show you something." I fish a coin out of my pocket and hold it up. "Heads or tails, Lucina. Call it."

Lucina squints at me suspiciously. "How is this relevant to the present discussion?"

"I'll explain it in a minute. First: heads or tails?"

"Very well. Heads, then." She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, basically going full teenage snark on me.

I flip the coin in the air and catch it. "Hmm. Tails. You lost."

"Tragic, I'm sure. Now how is this relevant?"

"You'll understand soon enough. First, a question: what were your chances of getting that choice correct?"

Lucina frowns at that, then looks at me oddly. "Fifty percent."

"You're wrong." I shake my head.

"Wait, what?" Lucina blinks, taken aback. "What do you mean? There are only two options, so there was a fifty percent chance I'd get that question right?"

"I believe what Ben is trying to imply is that the answer is zero." Laurent looks over to the others, then back to me. "Is that correct?"

"You catch on quick, kiddo." I grin at him.

"What, are you saying you cheated?" Kjelle looks at me irritably.

"Nope, it was a fair and square coin toss." I shrug. "Just one that we now know Lucina had no chance of winning."

"Okay, can one of you explain this already?" Severa sighs. "Because I had this time travel stuff drilled into me for years and even I'm confused."

"It's a simple matter of hindsight." Laurent replies. "Ben is stating that knowing the outcome means that we now know that Lucina was going to pick the wrong option."

"What? But it's a coin toss!" Severa sputters. "It's all luck!"

"And therein lies the rub!" I clap my hands. "There's no such thing as luck! It's all part of that nebulous fate you so strongly despise."

"Fate does not conspire to make me lose a coin toss!" Lucina snaps.

"It doesn't conspire to do anything, it's all just basic math!" I grin.

"And by 'basic', I believe he means 'unfathomably complex'." Laurent supplies helpfully.

"Yes, that." I snap my fingers and point at him. "See, for all that I like to complain about my garbage luck, the simple fact of the matter is, luck is all an illusion of the mind. It's an imaginary concept. A coin toss may seem random, but in truth the result is determined by thousands upon thousands of factors. Air flow, the strength I put into my thumb, the way I catch it, the shape of the coin itself… all these things come together to give us the result. There's so many things that go into determining which side the coin lands on that the human brain cannot possibly compute it all, so it just shrugs and chooses not to bother. And that shrug is what we call luck."

"I'm about to shrug right out of this whole conversation." Kjelle mutters.

"Simply put, that coin toss was the result of a whole lot of numbers coming together in a way we can't understand. The same goes for Lucina's guess of heads. The coin was always going to land on tails, and Lucina was always going to guess the opposite. The results are hardly dramatic, but they are still fate. Because fate isn't a will exerted over the world; fate is a mathematical equation."

"So I was mathematically fated to lose that coin toss?" Lucina replies irritably.

"Pretty much!" I grin. "The only way you could win is if you were to, say… go back in time and tell yourself the correct answer before I tossed the coin. Because by going back in time, you are introducing a variable that could not possibly have existed before."

"So… so you're saying that we're that new variable in this world." Kjelle replies, face scrunched up in concentration.

"Exactly!" I grin. "New numbers added to the equation. Which will, in turn, lead to a new answer."

"So what is that answer? What new fate have we made for ourselves?" Lucina asks thoughtfully.

"Hell if I know. We won't have a way of knowing until it happens." I lean back and sigh. "As soon as you guys arrived in this timeline, the formula changed from what you've learned. Which means from here on out you have to be prepared to throw aside what you think you know about our future at a moment's notice. Severa and I learned that the hard way already." I tap my chest lightly to accentuate the point.

Severa flinches at that and I wave my hands to get her attention. "Remember what I said earlier, kiddo. You saved my life back then. None of what I've told you makes this your fault."

"Doesn't it though?" Noire replies. "You basically said everything that happens here is happening at least partly because we went back in time."

"Well while we're stretching for something to pin the blame on, you all came back here because that scaly douchebag Grima trashed the whole fucking planet." I grin. "So let's just stab his ugly mug one extra for this mess while we're kicking his ass."

"Hear, hear!" Kjelle raises a fist and grins.

A round of chuckles spreads throughout the group and I feel safe to relax. "That's the spirit. Besides, it was his big fucking Risen that sent me down the river to meet with old Ezra anyway…" I blink as my brain catches up with my mouth. "Oh holy fucking shit, how did I forget that?"

"Forget about what?" Lucina asks, expression turning stern once again.

"The Risen! The huge one that nearly killed Vaike and I!" I turn to Severa, "What the hell ever happened with that thing anyways?"

Severa blinks at that. "Wait, what huge one?"

My brain comes to a screeching halt at that. "Wait, did you seriously not see it? The big fucker who broke the goddamn bridge!"

Severa blushes at that. "I was kinda focused on the fact that my dad was about to drown in a river, I didn't pay attention to the Risen. I don't remember anything unusual about them! Except the flying ones, god those were horrible." She shudders.

"Shit. I think the only other one who got a good look at the thing was Vaike." I grimace.

"I feel as though your word is likely more reputable than his." Laurent comments.

"Just tell us what you remember." Lucina urges.

"He was big. Like, almost twice my size, with some seriously heavy duty armor. And strong enough to shatter a stone bridge with one spear blow. He commanded what must have been at least a thousand Risen by howling so loudly you could hear it for miles, and when he charged he tore through armored knights like paper." I feel a chill running up my back again at the memory of the thing. Even my fight against Ezra's slavers didn't instill the same sense of fear in me. "The worst part was his voice, though."

The others look very alarmed at that. "His voice?" Noire whispers in a panic.

"No way, it can't be, it's way too soon for that, we can't handle it yet!" Kjelle protests angrily. "That can't be right!"

"It might not be!" Laurent cuts in suddenly, drawing my attention. "We've seen Risen that can speak before, they're not uncommon. Tell me Ben, what was it about this creature's voice that filled you with such fear?"

"If I had to say… it's what the voice represented." I reply, with the dreadful feeling that I'm about to confirm their darkest fears. "It didn't just speak. It replied to me. It laughed at me. It thought and acted with so much more… intent than the others."

"Then it's true." Laurent goes pale.

"I know I'm gonna regret asking, but fill me in here. What does this mean? What was that thing?"

"The power you speak of is one thing, dangerous, but manageable." Lucina replies shakily. "But to claim that such a creature showed rational thought… it can only be a Deadlord."

Deadlord. As in, those things that show up damn near endgame to fuck your army up with a shitload of legendary weapons. "Oh fucking fuck."

My exclamation is met with a heavy silence for several long moments. Until finally Lucina's head snaps up. "Right. We need to go."

"Go?" Kjelle looks over in confusion. "Go where?"

"We need to find the others." Lucina replies firmly. "As many of them as we can. If there are Deadlords about, then we've delayed too long in that goal already. The sooner we gather our forces, the better."

"Alright! I'm ready to get back on the road." Kjelle grins eagerly. "After that Arena fight it's become very clear that we need more training anyways. Especially you, Laurent!"

"Me?" Laurent raises an eyebrow indignantly. "Are you implying that some sort of weak link?"

"Well, you were the first one of us to get knocked out in that fight today." Kjelle grins teasingly.

"Please, he was faking it." Severa rolls her eyes. "Probably because some of you forgot who was supposed to be winning that fight in the first place!"

"I'm competitive, sue me."

"I intended to throw my duel with father." Lucina says with some embarrassment. "But once that Ferox caster got involved I wasn't sure how to convincingly throw the fight."

"Oh just admit it, you were caught up in fighting your dad and forgot what you were supposed to be doing." Kjelle replies with a grin.

"I did no such thing!" Lucina protests hotly, flushing a vivid pink. "Now come on, all of you, we have to go."

"Good luck, you three." I nod, then frown to myself. "Which… I realise is an odd thing to say after our discussion, but well… You get the idea."

Lucina sighs at this, turning to face Severa and Noire. "You two know you have to come with us. It's too risky for you to stay."

"I'm exactly where I have to be." Severa replies, stepping up next to my seat.

"Love you too, kiddo."

"Gawds, shut up already dad!" She snaps, causing me to burst into a fit of laughter that I only barely manage to muffle in the sleeve of my coat.

"Severa, this isn't a game!" Lucina protests. "We can't place ourselves so close to the Shepherds; if we change too much we lose any chance we have of predicting what's to come."

"I think Laurent and Ben already debunked that idea pretty well." Noire replies sarcastically.

"Don't tell me you're trying to stay as well, Noire!" Lucina protests.

"CEASE YOUR ATTITUDE, INSOLENT CHILD. I AM IN NO STATE TO TRAVEL, EVEN IF I WISHED FOR YOUR TIRESOME COMPANY!" Noire snarls back, before descending into a coughing fit that prompts Severa to rush to her side.

"No state?" Lucina looks over in complete alarm and confusion.

I decide to fill her in before the others snap at her again. "She got caught by those same slavers that messed me up. They didn't injure her like they did me, but she was damn near starved by the time I busted everyone out of there. It'll be a while before she's recovered enough for anything more than wagon travel."

"I… I see. Then I suppose we'll have to make do with just the three of us." Lucina replies helplessly. She turns to Kjelle and Laurent. "You should go prepare. We'll have to make an early start tomorrow."

"Right." Kjelle nods and the two make their exit. "Stay safe, you three. And heal up soon, Ben. Next time we meet I want to see what you're made of."

"Until next time." Laurent waves as he follows the knight out.

I look to Lucina, still lingering, and see her gaze flicker to Severa and Noire. "Hey kiddo, why don't you let Noire get some sleep." I call over. "And get some yourself while you're at it, you had a tough fight today."

Severa looks between the two of us and sighs, helping Noire along with one arm. "Alright. Night. Good luck finding the others, Luce."

Noire is still busy coughing, but manages a shaky wave as she passes Lucina and I. The two of us remain quiet, watching as the girls disappear around the corner.

Once Noire's voice fades away down the hall and I'm sure the two have gone, I relax, and turn back to Lucina. "I think you fooled 'em, kid."

"Excuse me?" Lucina's stern gaze flicks to me as she continues to face down the hallway.

"They don't suspect a thing. As far as any of them are concerned, you're just pissed with me for making crass comments while you were fighting." I look back at her and cock an eyebrow. "But you and I know better, don't we?"

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about." Lucina grumbles.

"Suuuure you do!" I grin, throwing my arms wide. "Remember the night you arrived? Your little comments about trust?" I lean forward. "That look you gave me as you spoke?"

"You're mistaken." Lucina replies irritably.

"Am I? I don't think I am? Chrom seemed to pick up on it, too. Nothing that guy hates more than when people tell him who he should and shouldn't trust. It's why he and Frederick make such a good pair; that guy doesn't trust anybody."

"Even when his trust is misplaced?" Lucina turns to face me fully and I grimace internally. The girl is rocking a serious death glare right now. Thank the lord I've been properly practising my poker face since I arrived in this world, because this is one of those moments where I really don't want to slip up.

"Even then." I smirk up at her, playing it as cool as I can. "He's the type of man who likes to make those decisions for himself. He'll defer on matters of tactics, or politics… but not people. Never people."

Lucina smiles at me, though it doesn't reach her eyes. "Well, I suppose I take after him, then. Because I've yet to see any compelling reason to trust you. And I won't let anyone else change my mind in that regard, either."

I blink in surprise at that. "What the fuck did he do to you, kid?"

Lucina turns and stalks away. "I'm sure you'll know firsthand soon enough. And when that day comes, I'll be waiting."

She vanishes around the corner, and I sigh and lean back in my seat. "Parties, man. It's always fucking parties."

* * *

 **Seriously, I can count the number of parties where I've just plain had a good time on one hand, it's something of a miraculous occurrence in my life.**

 **I hope the discussion about luck and fate didn't get too long winded for everyone. The coin toss thing was an idea I had that I just liked way too much to exclude. Honestly time travel in general is a subject I probably enjoy talking about a little too much. Just consider yourselves lucky there's only one big point of time travel in FE:A's story, I'm used to like, Homestuck levels of needlessly complex, so I could get sooo much more long-winded.**

 **Alas, you'll have to make do with a basic single fork in time. So boring; not a time loop or paradox to be found. Ah well, maybe three houses will have some sort of complex multiple parallel timeline nonsense. We'll certainly know soon enough, won't we?**


	21. Chapter 20

**Well, it looks like since the last chapter we've hit a couple of pretty big milestones! Not only has this story passed 200 followers, we've also hit the 100 review mark! I just want to say to everyone that I really appreciate it! I know I'm not the best at responding to my reviews, but I read each and every one of them, and seeing your support never fails to bring a smile to my face. You're all fantastic!**

* * *

As troubling as Lucina's personal vendetta against me is, the swift departure of her and her group after the tournament means I have no real opportunity to learn more. It doesn't bode particularly well for me, but I'm afraid this is another of those things I'll have to take a 'wait and see' approach on.

The same goes for the fucking deadlord, unfortunately. Speaking with Flavia revealed the rather troubling fact that the entire army of Risen Vaike and I fought that day on the bridge has vanished completely. It seems impossible that so many hundreds of monsters could just disappear like that, but the Feroxi have sent Griffons all over the north, and not a single trace of them remains. In a way, it makes that horrible creature even more terrifying. I can only pray it's a long time before I run into its like again.

Who am I kidding? With my luck I'm likely to run into another Deadlord by the end of the month.

If it's gonna happen, this is certainly the time for it. The Shepherds will be back on the road by the end of the day, Chrom having sorted out initial terms of the alliance with Flavia over the past three days since the party. All that's left to do is to bring all the paperwork back to Emmeryn so she can review it. Then comes the haggling back and forth over terms until things are finalized. Even the Feroxi have no cure for the tedium of political negotiations.

We've been in Regna Ferox for months longer than was originally hoped, so the journey home will be damn near entirely spent on the road. Save for a brief stopover to resupply in Gelida Dominus, we won't stop travelling until we're back in Ylisstol.

It'll be nice to get back to the old barracks. I'm looking forward to returning to my room. Sparse as it may be, I got rather attached to it, even if I only spent a little over a month with the room before we left for Regna Ferox…

Fucking hell. I've spent more of my time in this world stuck in a cage than I've spent in my own room. It hurts to realize. It… I…

 _I bring down my axe._

I have work to do. No more time to spend spacing out like a useless piece of shit. These carts need to be loaded. I drop to one knee to grab a crate-

And immediately recoil as a hand grabs me by the ear and tugs sharply to the left. "Ah! What the fuck?" A flash of yellow moves in front of my eyes. I fail to hide my grimace. "Lissa, what the hell are you doing?"

"What am I doing? What are you doing?" Lissa frowns. "I take my eyes off of you for half an hour and as soon as I get back here you're breaking my rules!"

"You're fussing too much." I roll my eyes. "A few crates won't hurt me. I'm pretty well healed at this point."

"Until you've become a healer you don't get to make that call! You're lucky I'm letting you try marching instead of riding in the carts with Noire!" She grabs for my ear again, but I evade her easily, hopping back to my feet and catching her by the wrist. "Ah! Ben, let go! Listen to your medic!"

"You're adorable when you pout, you know that?" I smirk down at her. She flushes bright red and I release her, chuckling. "Alright, that's enough roughhousing, princess. I'm an injured man, you know."

"Geez!" She stamps a foot and stalks off in a huff. "I don't know why I bother sometimes!"

"Hmm. Might have teased her a bit too much there." I muse. I was kinda undermining her a little with that one. It is true that I feel better though. Singing set me back a day or so in my recovery due to strained lungs, but I'm back on track now. Still not recovered enough to be on my feet for the full march home, but definitely well enough for some crates. Guess I better not push my luck though.

"That girl is much too nosy for her own good." A deep voice intones behind me.

"Maybe so, but her heart's in the right place." I shrug, turning to face the speaker. "You're the new guy, huh?"

"Lon'qu." The man in question replies curtly. "And you are Ben, the killer of slavers."

"Well that's a gloomy title." I frown.

"There are also those who call you Ben the Butcher. Rumors have spread quickly amongst the Feroxi."

"What the fuck." I stare at Lon'qu in disbelief. "What the actual fuck?"

Lon'qu shifts in discomfort. "You didn't know."

"Hell no I didn't." I grimace and turn aside. "Would have happily spent the rest of my life not knowing that. Where the fuck did a nickname like that come from?"

"As I understand it, from Flavia's personal guard. They came up with it while searching through the wake of your… handiwork." Lon'qu sighs. "Enough talk of this. The conversation has strayed far from what I intended."

"What did you intend then?" I scowl at him.

"My intent was to thank you." Lon'qu replies.

"Thank me?"

"Ambrose and Julia. The soldiers you saved. They were… acquaintances of mine. Closer than most."

"Oh." I blink in surprise. "Oh damn, okay. You know each other well, then?"

"They are frequently brought as guards when the Khans meet. I have come to know them well over the years." Lon'qu nods. "Were it not for you, two good soldiers would be dead. And many more besides."

"I… well thanks I guess." I frown.

"I've done nothing for you that is worthy of thanks." Lon'qu replies. He looks me over, and frowns. "You have a long road ahead of you, Ben. Once you have recovered, I would request a spar."

"Uhh, I'm happy to oblige, but I'm not sure what good it would be…" I scratch my head uneasily. "I'm pretty damn sure even at my best you could wipe the floor with me."

"There is benefit to be had, even in an uneven duel." Lon'qu replies. "Yes… I would gladly duel you, if it meant a chance to learn what I lack."

"What do you mean by that?"

"A personal matter. Think nothing of it." Lon'qu shakes his head. "I wish you a swift recovery."

"Uhh, yeah, thanks. Looking forward to working with you." I reply, even as the man stalks away. That was weird as hell. Not sure what to make of that guy. All I really remember about him from the games is that he freaks out around women. So everything about that conversation was outside of my realm of understanding.

Well, not everything. "Ben the Butcher. Fucking… really?" I mutter. I wonder briefly if Flavia knew about this, but dismiss the thought entirely. No way in hell she'd have any patience for that sort of petty bullshit. If she wanted to fuck with me she'd be far more straightforward about it. Besides, Lon'qu did say that it was her guards that started spreading that title. And damned if that doesn't leave me with some heavy suspicions.

But that's all they are. Suspicions. And as much as I'd like to find the sick fuck who decided to take the most horrific night of my life and ensure I was remembered by it and pound their head in, I can't. Or rather, I shouldn't. Hell, for all I know somebody could have thought they were doing me a favor. I imagine there's plenty of Feroxi who would think a title like that is pretty badass.

I think I want to throw up at the thought of this. I look back down at the crate. Lissa's not around at the moment, but I don't really feel like I have the energy to do any lifting anymore.

Guess I'll just have to wallow in my own head until we finally leave.

* * *

It's a little over an hour by the time the rest of the Shepherds finish packing the carts and assemble around the caravan. And I spend most of that time hiding. I just wander out of the courtyard, find a nice corner within earshot, and park my ass until I hear headcounts starting. When I wander back in nobody really questions it. Lissa shoots me a suspicious glance, but in the end she just seems happy I wasn't straining myself.

I meander my way over to Frederick and wave. "Hey Frederick, we finally getting on the road?"

Frederick looks over at me, nods briefly, and returns to his checklist. "Ah Ben, there you are. I missed you while we were packing."

"I tried helping out earlier, but Lissa gave me hell for it. She doesn't think I should be lifting anything heavy yet."

"I see." Frederick looks back over at me seriously. "Will you be fit to march?"

"I've talked Lissa into that much, at least." I frown. "I'm gonna do my best today, and we'll see how it goes. I'll let you or Lissa know if I need the cart."

"Hmm… very well." Frederick looks thoughtful. "I will trust you to properly take your own limits into account. Once we're back in Ylisse I'll be sure to prepare a proper training plan to aid in your rehabilitation."

"I appreciate it. Sick to fucking death of feeling like a goddamn invalid." I roll my eyes. "The sooner my body recovers, the better."

At this Frederick gives me an inscrutable look. "Yes. Healing will be of the utmost importance. You are eager to get back into the fight, then?"

"I don't like sitting by while all these kids are fighting." I look over to the others and grimace.

"The two of us are rather young ourselves." Frederick sighs. "Twenty-six is certainly older than most of this group, but you are hardly a wizened old man."

"Twenty seven, actually." I reply blankly. Frederick looks over to me and I shrug. "My birthday came two months ago."

"Hmm. Lissa will be horrified when she learns that she missed it." Frederick replies. Then the implications of my statement sink in, and he looks over to me in shock. "Wait, so you mean to say that your birthday-"

"Funny story, that." I reply, looking over to Frederick with a dry grin. "I did the math a while ago; my birthday was the day I broke out of that jail cell." And boy was that a fun coincidence to discover.

"Gods…"

I turn and stare at the floor, unable to keep the smile up any longer. "Well, I stopped celebrating my birthdays years ago anyways. Not much of a change, there."

Frederick can't think of a reply.

* * *

We're nearly out of town when we hear a voice yelling after us. This isn't necessarily unusual; the Feroxi have been cheering for Chrom and the other Shepherds who fought in the arena for days. What makes this special though, is the way Frederick seems to slump at the head of the column when he hears the voice.

"Yoohoo! Aren't you all forgetting somebody?"

"No." Frederick mutters.

"Ah!" Chrom turns back with a surprised expression. "Anna!"

Oh, that's interesting. I turn back to see a red-headed woman erupt from the crowd behind us.

"Make a path, make a path, can't you see I have places to be?" Anna complains, darting smoothly around a burly man carrying several large crates, and emerging triumphantly before us. Unlike the Shepherds I've seen so far, she's quite different from the pictures from the game, swapping the cloak and collar of the trickster class for a colossal backpack and more earthy tones. She bears the weight as though it doesn't exist, practically skipping towards us as she waves a cheery hello (which can only mean danger from a woman as shrewd as her), "There you are! You didn't think I was about to let you leave without me, did you?"

"I had hoped."

"Frederick!" Chrom looks over to the knight with a frown, before turning back to Anna. "I must admit, I wasn't expecting to see you again. When you left us back in Gelida Dominus I was under the impression that you weren't intending to return."

"What?" Anna frowns. "I told your manservant there that I'd be rejoining you all once I was finished doing business here."

Chrom's face falls flat. "Frederick."

"Ahem. My apologies, I must have misunderstood your intentions." Frederick replies with a smile that looks… just fake as hell.

"Oho?" Anna smirks. "Well, no harm done! I suppose we'll just have to find some way for you to make it up to me. Off the top of my head, I'm thinking a whole lot of free labor."

"Done." Chrom replies instantly.

"What? Milord, I-"

"Would be happy to serve our valued member of the Shepherds as a penalty for lying to me and nearly abandoning her." Chrom looks over to Frederick and frowns. "Honestly Frederick, I know you have your misgivings about new recruits, but this is excessive even for you."

"Other recruits are not nearly so obvious in their ulterior motives." Frederick grumbles, before straightening in his saddle. "Very well then. I will do my best to right my misdeed and uphold my honor as a knight."

"Well aren't you sweet!" Anna grins, strolling up to the rest of the group and looking Frederick up and down. "Oh yes, a strong fellow like you will be very helpful to a sweet little merchant like me."

"I look forward to serving you in the future, then." Frederick replies through gritted teeth.

"Oh, why wait?" She hauls her pack off her shoulders and lifts it with one hand, raising the other to her lips in a false pout. "I had to do a lot of running to catch up with you fine fellows, so I'm feeling awfully tired. Maybe you can help me?"

"We have carts for such things." Frederick glares grumpily down at her.

"Oh, but they've all been packed so well, and my bag is so heavy! I fear if I were to put my bag in the cart as it is, I could squash everyone's belongings! I couldn't bear to do that to my new friends."

Frederick opens his mouth to protest, but a glance from Chrom changes his tune. "Fine. I will take your bag. But only until we make camp for the evening! We will have your things packed with the rest once we set out again tomorrow."

"Well thank you so much for that! You sure know how to make a girl feel welcome!" Anna grins, and tosses the bag up to him with one arm. Frederick reaches out to catch it, but apparently he really underestimated Anna's strength, because the air seems to rush out of him as the bag hits him. For a brief instant I think the man will fall out of the saddle, but he recovers immediately. He sends Anna a suspicious glare, then dismounts his horse and stomps to the front of the line. His horse snorts indignantly, as though insulted that Frederick thought he couldn't take the weight.

By this point I and several of the other Shepherds are struggling not to burst out laughing at what just transpired. Chrom looks coolly over us all, before he breaks into a grin as well and gives us a wink, confident that Frederick won't notice. "Well Shepherds, most of you have met Anna already, she was a great help in dealing with Vincent. Anna, the faces you haven't met are Ben, Donnel, Severa, Noire, and Lon'qu. Ben, Donnel, and Severa have been with us for several months now; Noire and Lon'qu are both recent additions to our group. I hope you all learn from each other."

"Nice to meet you all!" Anna waves cheerfully. "I'm sure we'll all get along just great. I'm a merchant by trade, so if you ever find yourself needing supplies I'll be happy to help you out!"

"For a reasonable fee, no doubt." Severa replies sarcastically.

"Well aren't you quick on the uptake!" Anna grins.

"Alright, you'll all have plenty of time to get acquainted on the road." Chrom cuts in. "Let's get back to marching. Oh, and Ben, speak up if you need to join Noire on the cart, I know you're still recovering."

"I heard it all from Lissa and Frederick, don't worry. I'll be alright for now." I raise a hand in acknowledgement. Chrom nods, satisfied with the response, and gets everyone moving again.

To my surprise, shortly after we resume marching Anna beelines over to me. "So, you're Ben, right?"

"That's me." I give her a smirk. "That was pretty funny, what you pulled with Frederick."

"What can I say? I had to make him suffer a little bit." Anna gives me a devious grin. "I almost lost out on a serous payday because of him. I mean, working for the royal family of Ylisse? That's a big chance for a merchant like me."

"I can imagine." I nod along. "So, what's a merchant like you talking to a guy like me for?"

"Oh, two reasons, really." Anna replies. "The first was mostly just curiosity. I was with everyone when they got word that you survived that whole ordeal. Wanted to know what the fuss was about."

"Makes sense." I nod along. "I don't plan on talking about what happened to me though. It was… it was a bad time."

"Fair enough." Anna shrugs. "If reality is anything like the rumors I've heard that's a hornet's nest I won't be prodding at. Nothing to be gained from that sort of bad business. I'll move right along to the second reason then. I wanted to ask about your clothing."

"My clothing?" I look down. I'm wearing all my old clothes from earth, with the exception of my jacket and shoes (which I need to (finally) pick up when we get to Gelida Dominus). Sweater, jeans, t-shirt, all plainly visible, since it's not quite a cold enough day that I feel the need to button up. "Ah, I suppose this sort of thing would be pretty interesting to a merchant, huh?"

"Oh definitely. But probably not for the reasons you suspect." Anna grins. "I'm mostly just wondering how you managed to afford it. Material like that is veeeeery hard to come by around here."

"Certainly true…" I look at her suspiciously. I wasn't aware that people here could come by it at all.

"Right, and you don't look like nobility. No offense meant, of course. So I'm just wondering where you got it from."

"I'm not offended." I shrug. "Not really a fan of poncy noble types anyways."

"Glad to hear it! Now if you could stop dodging the question, please?" She smiles sweetly, but at this point I notice a dangerous glint in her eye.

"I'm getting the impression that this is something personal for you." I say suspiciously.

"What can I say? Around these parts material like that is pretty much a family exclusive product. So seeing somebody wearing it so casually without the coin to pay for it makes me wonder." Her hand strays to her sword as her smile fades. "You haven't… 'met' one of my sisters by any chance, have you?"

"That's some impressive dedication to your family, threatening me like that in front of so many friends." I raise an eyebrow at her.

"Family happens to be the one thing I value more than money."

"Huh. Good sense of priorities there." I nod along. "At any rate, you're barking up the wrong tree. I got all this clothing from… an outside source."

"An outside… there is no other source!" Anna protests.

"Oh, there's definitely one I can think of." I reply. "It's not really a secret amongst the Shepherds, so I might as well tell you now: I'm from another world."

Anna's eyes widen at that. "You don't mean… you came through the gate?"

"Uhh… probably?" I look at her suspiciously. "You know about the gate?"

"Know about it? My family practically runs the thing." Anna scoffs. "There's all sorts of myths and legends about the Outrealm gate in these lands, but nobody knows anything for sure about it. There's a reason for that, though: it's darn near impossible for anyone to navigate the thing. If you stumble across it you're likely to just get sucked away to another world, and good luck getting back once that happens!"

"So, when you say your family runs it though…"

"That is a very long story. And most of it involves family secrets. As in, the sort of family secrets we kill to protect." Anna stews on things for a moment or two. "Since you know about the Outrealm Gate already though I can tell you a little, I guess."

"I'd appreciate anything you can tell me. I have a family back home that I haven't seen in months." I reply eagerly.

"Alright, alright, save the sob story, I'm immune to that sort of thing. Give me a minute to think about this." Anna waves me away, and I comply easily. This is already proving to be the most reliable source of information on the Outrealm Gate that I've been able to find since coming here. I want to be in Anna's good books for the foreseeable future.

The two of us walk together in silence for nearly twenty minutes before she finally speaks again. "Alright, what I'm about to say stays between us, got it? Good. Now listen carefully, because I'm only saying this once. The gate is magical. That's obvious, anyone could guess as much. What people don't know is how much of that magic goes into security on the stupid thing. The world connection part? That's easy. Stupidly powerful magic, but simple enough to understand. The hard part comes when you try to figure out all the rules layered on top of that magic.

"The rules are what dictate how you get from one world to another. Walking into the portal is just the beginning, see. Once you're in there's a whole lot of other metaphorical hoops to jump through to get where you need to go, and they're all impossible to find unless you know what to look for. Now, through methods that I will absolutely not be disclosing, my family has figured out the way these rules work. And over many centuries and many generations, my family has become… linked, in a way. Which means that if you want to get to a specific place through that portal…"

"You have to be with a member of your family." I conclude.

"Not quite." Anna grimaces. "You have to _be_ a member of my family. As in, you have to be born into it."

"… oh." I stop marching and stare blankly ahead. "So, you're saying there's nothing at all you can do for me."

"Honestly, that's probably the case." Anna sighs. "Sorry big guy, I know that's not what you wanted to hear. I hate to let a customer down, too."

"If you expect me to pay you for crushing my hopes you have another thing coming, woman." I snap out of my daze and glare at Anna indignantly.

"It's just a figure of speech, don't worry." Anna chuckles. "Trust me, when I'm trying to sell you something, you won't have a clue until long after I've pocketed your gold!"

"Comforting." I reply dryly, resuming my march. "So, there's really nothing you can do for me? Nothing at all?"

Anna frowns, thinking on the matter for a while. "There's nothing _I_ can do, no… But, that might not be the same for the rest of my family. Everyone in my family knows the secret of the gate, but most of us don't actually deal with it too much. We prefer to stay safe and comfortable here in our homeland."

"So there's somebody you can ask?"

"I can sure try!" Anna grins. "It'll have to wait until we get back to Ylisstol though; it takes time to get through the right channels. Our family is a well-kept secret, you know. We can't use just any messenger."

"…Your family sounds like a pain in the ass." I grumble.

Anna laughs brightly at that. "The rules can be a bother at times, but it's part of what makes us so effective at what we do. Trust me, even if we can't get you back ourselves, there isn't a person out there who knows more about Outrealm travel than my family does. We'll get you sorted out."

She certainly sounds confident, though I can't help but feel doubtful. No way are things going to work out that easily for me. Either way though… "I suppose I don't have any better leads. I'd appreciate any help you can give me."

"That's the spirit!" Anna claps me on the back and sends me stumbling. Seriously, her strength is unreal; much greater than I'd expect from her slender arms. Another family secret, no doubt, though if it is I have little interest in this one.

The two of us walk in silence for a while before an important question occurs to me. "Hey, Anna?"

"Hmm?"

"Why are you helping me? What's your angle here?"

"What?" Anna gives me a hurt look (which from a girl like her just screams 'danger'), "Can't a girl just help out one of her new friends out of the goodness of her heart?"

A part of me is feeling suddenly guilty, but I somehow manage to work up enough common sense to push past her pretty face and voice my misgivings. "There's plenty of girls out there who can. But you're not just any girl. You're an Anna. You're too shrewd to help me without something to gain."

"Oh, you smooth talker!" Anna swats me on the arm playfully and grins. "Well, when you put it like that…" She raises a finger to her lips and frowns thoughtfully. "I guess it's because I'm curious?"

"Curious. That's it?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Hey, do not underestimate the value of a healthy sense of curiosity. It'll take you far in this line of work! Nothing more valuable than knowledge, after all!" Anna's grin shifts from playful to sly, a glint appearing in her eye that honestly scares me a little. "I may seem a simple merchant to most, but there is nothing truly simple about an Anna. My family has prospered and profited for centuries. We have knowledge enough that the greatest scholars of this world couldn't hope to fathom its depths. And yet, you are something altogether unusual to me. An enigma. Something… special."

"Oh please. I've never been special in my fucking life." I roll my eyes. "I was always a nobody."

"And then you came here. A regular man. One who had no prior combat experience, but came to this world fighting. You've killed people seemingly without feeling, and survived things that nobody could hope to live through." Anna's grin fades as she examines me. "Can't think of a better word for that than special."

"How did-"

"What did I just say? Knowledge is power. I like to be powerful, so I make it a point to learn things. And while we're talking of knowledge, let's not forget your knowledge either. Fairy tales, I believe Chrom mentioned? You knew the people in this world long before you came here. Really, that you could even think to imply that you're normal after that is laughable." She doesn't so much as crack a grin as she says this.

"That's… it's pretty damn normal where I come from, okay?" I raise my hands defensively, stepping back. "And it's nothing as extensive as what you're implying. I just know some names, a couple of drawings, stuff like that!"

"Hmm. You know, when you say it like that I actually almost believe you. Impressive! But you slipped up earlier. You referred to me as 'an Anna.'"

"Yeah…" I reply, feeling like a weight has settled into my gut. Did she really…?

"I've been talking plenty about my family, but never once did I tell you that we all share the same name." Anna replies, allowing herself a triumphant smirk.

I rack my brain, thinking over the course of this conversation. Shit, she really did play me like that. "I guess one of the other Shepherds must have mentioned it."

"Ooh, not nearly so convincing a liar when things go off script!" Anna replies smugly. "Still pretty good, mind you, but not nearly enough to fool me. Admit it, you know more than you let on."

"…Fine." I reply. "I admit it. I also knew about your family. Not the Outrealm gate stuff, but definitely about the name thing, and that you've been around since at least Hero-King Marth's time."

Anna frowns at that. "Huh. Drat. I was hoping once I caught you in a lie you'd spill a bit more than that."

And under normal circumstances I might have, Anna. But not about this. I've always been a good liar, but I like to think since coming here my practise in the field has become pretty fucking extensive. Especially when it comes to the whole 'your whole world is a literal plaything to me' deal. Even a member of your family will need to put in some serious effort to figure that one out.

"Nothing to spill." I feign a lack of interest, giving Anna a blank look. "I heard a few stories as a kid, wound up here through some weird twist of fate, and did what I had to so that I could fit in. There's nothing else going on here."

"Huh. I'm starting to think you actually believe that." Anna looks over at me curiously. "You really think there's nothing interesting going on with you?"

"I know there isn't." I throw up my hands irritably.

"Not buying it. You really expect me to believe you just showed up here, straight from another world, by pure chance?"

"Anna, I'm serious!" I look over at her with exasperation. "I didn't show up with some grand plan, I don't have any great machinations. I'm just a regular dude, who was sitting around in his apartment, minding his own business, and then… next thing I know I'm standing around in Southtown wondering what the fuck's going on."

Anna grimaces at that. "Your apartment? You're sure about that?"

"Positive." I reply without hesitation. Then I stop and think about that for a moment. "Uhh… These portals wouldn't happen to move, would they?"

"No. No they do not." Anna sighs. "I'm starting to think I'm biting off more than I can chew with you."

"Surprised it took you this long to come to that conclusion. My situation is straight fucked." I reply with a grim chuckle. "So, what's that mean for me? Because there's no way anyone in my world built an apartment complex around an Outrealm gate."

"No, definitely not…" Anna sighs again, longer this time, and I turn to face her fully. "Okay, I'm not sure where the Outrealm gate would be in your world, but my best guess is that…"

"Anna, this is important, please stop stalling and just tell me."

"Is it too late to set a price on this information?" She looks aside guiltily.

"Better fucking believe it is. You're not getting out of this after everything we've talked about."

"Ugh! Alright, alright!" Anna groans. "Best guess: you were brought here by someone."

"…Okay, that makes sense." I nod along. "So… what does that mean?"

"I don't know." Anna replies immediately. I glare at her and she fires one right back. "I'm being serious, Ben! Remember what I said about my family and the gate? Most of us don't have anything to do with it."

"So we're relying on your messengers for that one, too." I grimace. "Wonderful."

"Just… be patient, alright?" Anna grins. "I may embellish details from time to time, but I don't make promises I can't keep! We'll get you figured out, and then I'll get some proper recognition from- from the Shepherds."

I catch that stutter, but from the expression on her face I get the feeling that this is another of those secrets she'll take violent action to protect. And I've seen enough of her strength already to know she'll kick my ass on a good day. So I don't push.

"Oi, Ben, Anna, you two okay back there?" I look over in surprise to see that the rest of the group has gotten a ways ahead of us while we got caught up in our discussion. Stahl is standing at the back of the line and waving to us, and the others are watching on with concern.

"Uhh yeah, sorry about that!" I start to move to catch up, only for Anna to grab my arm and sling it over her shoulders.

"We're okay, Ben was just tiring out is all!" Anna calls out, sending me a quick wink. No Anna, that's not actually okay, you don't know what these people are like!

"Already?" Lissa bounds over in alarm. "I thought you'd recovered better than that!"

"I-I have!" I protest indignantly. "Anna's bullshitting you!"

"Hey, I'm just showing concern for my new friend!" Anna gasps indignantly. "Your pace was slowing down earlier, so I'm worried!"

"Anna, will you please- Ack!" I'm cut off as Anna discreetly hits me in the back, which causes me to stumble. Her other arm comes up to steady me just a little too quickly, and the hit to my chest causes me to burst into a coughing fit.

"Oh geez, you see what I mean?" Anna gasps as Lissa reaches me and starts fussing. "I think I'd better help you to the cart, big guy!"

"Come on Ben, I know you're anxious to get back on your feet, but you need to take it at a proper pace! Get up on that cart straight away, mister!" Lissa scolds me, and I snarl over at Anna through my coughing.

"Kill- hack- you" I wheeze at Anna in a low voice, the coughing proving strong enough that Lissa fails to recognize it as words. Anna definitely gets the message though, if her nervous laughter is anything to go by.

"Ahehe, alright Lissa, leave him to me, I'll get him loaded up." Anna smiles disarmingly and leads me towards the cart. As she draws me away from Lissa she tilts her head a little and mutters into my ear. "This conversation never happened, got it? Anybody asks, I don't know a thing about that Outrealm gate."

"You could have just asked." I growl back through gritted teeth.

"I'm serious, Ben. Nobody hears about this. Not Chrom, not Robin," she turns to face me fully. "And not that redhead kid that's been glaring my way our whole conversation."

"Severa?" I glance briefly in her direction and see that, sure enough, my daughter seems to be giving us both a suspicious glare… which promptly ends as she notices me watching.

Ah, fuck.

"Yeah, I won't be telling her about this, don't worry." I mutter grouchily, as Kellam reaches down to help me into the cart.

"Alright Ben, rest up! It was nice talking to you! I hope you feel better soon!" Anna gives me a too-sweet smile and skips off to chat with Lissa.

"She seems nice." Kellam comments as I take my seat.

"A real charmer, yeah." I deadpan.

"Oh, it'll be alright, Ben. I'm sure you'll be feeling much more fit to march tomorrow."

I can only sigh at the encouragement. "…Right. Thanks Kellam." I shoot him what feels like a pretty feeble smile, but it seems to pacify the guy. He goes back to steering the cart as I settle in.

Noire looks over and opens her mouth to say something, but by this point my expression seems to be grouchy enough that she seems to think better of it. She stares worriedly at me for a moment or two, before huddling away and leaving me to my thoughts again.

My thoughts have not been happy today, so this is by no means a kindness on her part, as much as she may mean it as one. This has been an especially bad day to spend stewing in my own head.

The whole 'Ben the Butcher' thing was bad enough, but now I'm having to deal with a whole different level of bullshit. Because seeing Severa watching my conversation was like waking up to reality.

Anna is the first chance I've seen at returning to my old life, but that chance has come too late. I have commitments here now. Commitments beyond fighting for Ylisse and the royal family. I have a _daughter_.

And the weight of that fact is suddenly hitting me harder than ever.

It doesn't feel nearly so comfortable this time.

* * *

 **I think I have something of a talent for cosmic irony. I've been victim to it often enough that it seems to come quite naturally to me.**

 **That being said, the whole birthday escape thing wasn't actually planned on my part. I just realized the dates were basically the same while checking my timeline over on a calendar. Well, if I were to be exact, he started his breakout the night before his birthday, and by the time he was done it had passed midnight. I knew poor Ben would be with the slavers during my/his birthday, but that the actual time lined up so well... I had myself a bit of an evil chuckle over that one.**

 **I'll see you all next time!**


	22. Chapter 21

**So how about that new Fire Emblem game, huh? I'm still only a short ways into it myself, due to life life-ing all over me lately and cutting into my gaming time, but what I have seen has been damn promising.**

* * *

In stark contrast to the first day, the rest of the journey back to Ylisstol actually goes quite smoothly. I manage to walk the rest of the trip back to Gelida Dominus, and most of the way home from there. The cart still beckons to me from time to time, but for the most part I'm able to keep up. After everything I've been through, the sense of normalcy that comes with marching alongside my fellow Shepherds feels damn good. Even more so when I consider the ludicrous pace that Frederick has been pushing us at.

On the other hand, I'm suffering a serious crisis of conscience that makes it mentally taxing to talk to my fellow Shepherds, so there's a bit of balance there.

Ever since my discussion with Anna I've felt that urge building up again. I want to go home. You'd think the time spent in a literal prison cell would have done plenty to make me feel homesick, but I think I just overruled all that with spite at the time. And the rock concert at the Arena was just one big (futile) effort to make myself forget after what had happened.

Nostalgia and sadness don't make me long for home, I guess. All it took was a little bit of hope.

Still, letting that weird, bitter, mishmash of emotions affect the others would be a dick move, so I've done my best to act normal around them. In that regard Anna's little stunt on day one worked out in my favor. Even if it did mean a lot of nervous hovering from Lissa for the next few days. Covering up the context of my discussion with her made it a lot easier for me to act normal.

Hiding so much is exhausting, far more so than the march. The mental taxation of appearing normal is a strain I've long been used to, but it never gets any easier.

A bloody axe. My ruined body, still impaled. Chungus' leering face peering through the bars of a cage. Ben the Butcher. Anna's revelation. The coming apocalypse. My home, out of reach for over half a year now. Lucina's grudge. Severa.

Well, on the bright side, if I haven't lost my mind by now I probably never will!

Haha… heh… yup.

It all sounds very grim (because it is). But life goes on. And I have to as well. I have to keep recovering, keep struggling. The good part of all this is that as much as recent events have caused me some grief, they've also given me more reasons to live.

I have hope now, hope that I can go home, even if it feels like a total longshot. And Severa…

I haven't forgotten the way she acted that night I nearly died. I probably never will. And I care too much about that kid to put her through that again. I've still barely begun to unpack the internal conflict between going home and looking after her, but I'm going to make sure she'll be alright no matter what I decide to do in the end.

Anyways, at the end of the day depression is just faulty brain chemistry. I'm not going to let myself get done in by that after surviving an arrow to the lung! That would be just plain stupid.

Perspective is a hell of a drug.

Of course, if we're talking about good ways to stop the human mind from killing itself with emotions, there's few things better than a familiar comfort. Which is why when we reach the top of the winding road up to the castle I'm practically skipping.

"We finally made it!" Lissa cheers from behind me. "Home sweet home!"

"Indeed, it is a welcome relief after this long journey." Chrom chuckles, waving a cheerful hello to the guards as they salute. "Unfortunately, we'll have little chance of rest yet, dear sister. We still need to give our report to Emm."

"Aww…" Lissa visibly deflates, before springing back up like nothing happened. "Oh! But we get to see Emm again! Alright, let's go!" She grins and runs ahead, rushing for the castle gates.

"Well, that was a quick turnaround." Chrom says bemusedly. "Not unexpected, though. At any rate, Robin, Frederick, I'll ask you two to accompany me. Sumia, if you could take care of things at the barracks?"

"You can count on me!" Sumia replies with a grin. Our leaders all head off after Lissa, while the rest of us return to the barracks.

The barracks are in sight, just across the training grounds, and they make for a welcome sight. The midday sun reflecting off snow casts the building in a cheery glow as we approach, and the castle guard wave friendly hellos to us as we march past. On the far side I see the Pegasus Knights training, running some sort of diving drills against targets on the ground. A familiar flash of red hair catches my eye, but I turn aside after only a moment.

It's a testament to how tired I am that I'm able to ignore Cordelia even after everything that's happened recently. Who cares if I adopted her future kid, I want sleep and I'm damn well gonna get it!

Of course, all hope of fulfilling that desire is blown away when Sully voices an innocent, but all too terrifying question.

"Do you suppose the maids knew we were getting back today?"

* * *

As it turns out, the maids weren't expecting us back at all; Frederick's absurd marching pace causing us to arrive well ahead of the typical travel times for such a journey. Our presence at the barracks was something the poor women weren't at all prepared for, and the end result was Sumia consoling two teary eyed maids who were thoroughly distraught at the situation. The job of cleaning the place out after such a long absence would normally be the work of at least a dozen castle servants working half the day, but the surprise of our arrival meant two was all that could be spared.

Thankfully, while Sumia is certainly from a noble family she's also no stranger to domestic life, given the extent of her time spent watching the barracks, and most of the Shepherds are from a humble background as well. The decision to split into groups and divide chores was easily agreed upon by all(though Virion seemed a bit put out at the thought). Anna and Donnel went to the market to resupply our kitchen until regular shipments could be resumed. Stahl, Kellam, and I volunteered to clean out said kitchen. And the rest of the Shepherds banded together with the two maids to clear out bedrooms.

It certainly did put a damper on the general mood of the group, though.

"I blame Frederick for this." I snarl, scrubbing months of dust from the kitchen counter. "His ridiculous marching pace is the reason we arrived a week ahead of schedule."

"This certainly isn't much fun." Stahl nods in agreement, scrubbing the cookware clean. "But just think: in the end it'll mean an extra week of sleeping in a proper bed!"

"And an extra week of proper training now that we have the field to work with." I give a crooked grin. "No doubt that's what Frederick's thinking of now."

"No doubt." Stahl chuckles, stacking the last of our plates next to the sink. "Well, that's everything. Thank goodness for the plumbing, I don't want to think of how long that would have taken without it."

"Tell me about it." I groan. "I come from a place where you can get running water everywhere, if I had to head for the nearest well or river every time I wanted a drink or a wash I'd go bloody well crazy."

"I always forget that you're from another world, honestly." Stahl nods along, grabbing a bucket from the cupboard and scooping soapy water from the sink. "I swear sometimes you act as though you've lived here your whole life."

"I've had plenty of time to adjust by now." I shrug, hopping up onto the counter as Stahl pours the water across the tiled floor. "A big part of that is where we're staying, of course. The luxuries afforded this place are… well, not on par, but at least somewhat comparable to the general standard of living back home. And magical innovations bridge a lot of gaps that I'd struggle with otherwise."

"And I suppose even this dusty kitchen must feel luxurious after those cages." Stahl nods along thoughtfully as he scrubs, then blanches as his words catch up to him. "Gods, Ben, I'm so sorry! I swear sometimes my mouth runs wild and it's all my brain can do to keep up."

"Chill dude." I give him a half-hearted smile. "Anyway, you're not wrong. It was hell. And compared to hell, a dusty kitchen like this is nothing."

"Hasn't stopped you complaining though." Stahl shoots back, and I burst into surprised laughter.

"Hey man, no matter what I've seen, a filthy kitchen is still a filthy kitchen." I get down and help Stahl push the rest of the nasty floor water towards the drain, and fill the bucket up with fresh water from the pump to rinse the soap away. "When we're done though, we'll be able to cook up a storm in here!"

"Really, we're nearly done now…" Stahl muses as we finish cleaning the floors. "Other than the stuff we brought on the road this was a rather easy job. Though I think we should keep quiet about that."

"Oh absolutely. Sumia might put us to work elsewhere otherwise." I grin conspiratorially. I pause for a moment, and look out the door of the kitchen. "How are those tables looking, Kellam?"

"Nearly done!" Kellam calls back with a grin. "And if anyone asks I'll say it nearly killed me."

"That's the spirit!" I chuckle. "How long do you suppose it'll be before Donnel and Anna get back with the groceries?"

"Well, Anna clearly knows her way around a market, but it's a long walk there and back. She probably likes to take her time haggling, too… I'd say another hour at least." Kellam muses.

"Sounds like we have enough time to get a bath in before we have to start cooking, then!" Stahl chimes in.

"See Stahl, this kind of keen intellect is why we're such good friends."

* * *

Our belongings remain with the carts while the others clean out the bedrooms, so the three of us are able to grab a change of clothes and head for the bathhouse without disturbing Sumia's operation in the other half of the barracks. The sun's growing low by now, the unfortunate side effect of the short winter days, and by the time Anna and Donnel return with ingredients for dinner I have little doubt that the sun will be setting.

Perhaps as a result of this, the knights that were training outside are already in the process of concluding their drills. Equipment is being gathered up and set aside, and eyes are drawn to us as we pass by. The knights practically drip with sweat despite the cold air, breath coming out in large, visible puffs of fog.

"Looks like we're just ahead of the rush hour." Stahl chuckles as we enter the men's side of the baths. "Good thing too, it's always nicer to bathe with fresher water."

"Oof, honestly never thought of that." I grimace. "How often do they change out the tubs here?"

"They change them out around an hour after the knights conclude their training." Kellam answers. "It's part of why Frederick tends to conclude training when he does. He starts earlier and ends earlier so we don't have to reuse their water."

"Thank you Frederick." I reply, feeling a bit ill. "I'm still getting used to the idea of sitting in full view of everyone while I bathe. If I had to use somebody else's dirty bathwater too…" Ugh. Yeah, gonna stop thinking about it before I throw up. Fuck medieval hygiene standards right to hell. God damn.

"Oh I agree! When I think back to the old days when I had to share bathwater with my brothers…" Kellam shudders. "Thankfully there's enough tubs that it's typically not much of a problem, but if you make the mistake of entering at the wrong time… Well, don't. It's bad."

"Duly noted." I deadpan as I start peeling out of my clothes, still filthy from travel and the cleanup afterwards.

When I hear a gasp from behind me I realize my mistake.

Washing on the road is a tricky affair, which typically takes the form of a brief dip in a cold river unless there's time to set up a bathing tent (Something that didn't happen nearly as often as I would prefer, given the pace we moved at). It's a very unpleasant experience, done very infrequently this time of year. Miriel's heat spell works wonders to stave off much of the danger, but it's still intensely uncomfortable.

All of this is to say there hasn't been too many opportunities for anyone to see what my fucking torso looks like. Severa, Noire, and Donnel all know because they saw me during my recovery, and Lissa and Frederick have seen it as well due to being my healer and personal trainer respectively. But aside from them, nobody has seen it, not even Chrom.

Until I got so desperate for a bath that I completely forgot about this and decided to take my shirt off in front of two of my closer friends. A lapse of thought that has bared the absolute mess of new scars I've picked up for all to see. I don't want to think about how they'd react if they saw my chest first.

As it stands there's a soft 'thwump' of clothing falling to the ground, a sharp hiss of air from Stahl's teeth, and a low muttering of 'Gods!' from Kellam. I feel my body tense up against my will, and immediately rack my brain for an answer to just how I should handle this bullshit. I shouldn't have to put up with this kind of ordeal, I just want to clean up properly for a change!

The perfect strategy comes to me immediately. I… continue undressing as if nothing is wrong. I carry on like normal, climb into a bath, and start washing. And when Kellam and Stahl follow me in a minute later they start doing the same thing.

Apparently they took the hint that I don't want to make a big deal out of this. Huh. That was easier than I expected, though I suppose it helps that my companions are… well they're just nice, I guess. Not really a better word for it.

There's a minute or two as all of us scrub clean where the room is filled with a somewhat awkward silence, before Stahl finally comments. "We should try to make this brief, I guess."

"You think so?" I frown, wondering to myself if he's worried about the knights seeing me. "Why's that?"

"Well, last time the guards came in while Kellam was bathing, one of them didn't see him in the tub and tried to get in with him."

"Stahl! Don't tell him that!" Kellam yells indignantly.

Naturally, I burst out laughing at the revelation. "Holy shit that's incredible! What did you do?"

Kellam groans, sinking low in the tub until only the top of his head can be seen (which promptly seems to fade away in the haze of steam. "Well, yelling at him didn't work, he didn't notice me, so in the end…"

"When the guy tried to climb in Kellam punched him in the face!" Stahl exclaims with a grin. "And get this, the guards still didn't know Kellam was there! They thought the poor bastard slipped and hit his head!"

"What!" I roar with laughter alongside Stahl, as Kellam grumbles and takes it all in stride.

After the laughter subsides, and the three of us return to regular conversation, I realize what those two are up to. The tense atmosphere is gone completely, no thanks to me, and we're back to joking like nothing ever happened.

It's something I feel that I can't help but voice as we towel dry and get dressed again. "You guys are good people, you know that?"

Stahl looks surprised, but recovers quickly. "We're just making conversation, Ben. It's nothing to fuss over. I'm sure if Kellam were still here he'd say the same."

"I'm right here… Come on, guys."

"Oh, Kellam, I thought you'd left ahead of us!"

The three of us manage to slip out just as the guards all storm the baths, eager to clean up and get out of the cold. I'm the last to leave, and find myself practically pinned against the wall as they rush past. By the time the coast is clear I realize that Stahl and Kellam have already managed to escape the building, and jog to catch up.

By the time I see Cordelia enter the door it's too late to stop myself, though that doesn't stop me from trying. I do my best to stop, but fail to realize that the guards tracked an absolute shitload of snow and mud in.

I guess even a Canadian can fall victim to the snow if he doesn't know to look for it.

My foot goes sideways, and I see a brief glimpse of Cordelia's startled face before the rest of me follows. "SHIT!" I yelp in surprise, and for a brief moment I'm worried I'm about to catch a face full of mud. It would suck to need another bath so soon after the last one.

Strong arms catch me before I can hit the ground. Cordelia is apparently no slouch when it comes to upper body strength. Of course, she's still half a foot shorter than me and a whole lot lighter. So there's a brief moment when it looks like I'm going to drag her down to the floor with me before I manage to reach out and steady us both by grabbing the door frame. I'm left leaning half against the door frame, half into Cordelia's arms for a brief moment, staring up into her eyes in shock.

"Ben? Are you alright?" She looks down worriedly.

Perhaps it's because I'm so startled by everything, but I immediately find myself saying the first thing that comes to mind: "My hero!"

"I beg your pardon?" Cordelia tilts her head in confusion and I promptly burst into laughter.

"Hahaha! Oh man, sorry about that! I just- that catch was like something out of a bad romance novel!" I tug against the door frame, and Cordelia helps me upright. It takes considerable more effort on her part though, since I'm still laughing my head off like a total jackass.

"I suppose I can see the similarities, now that you mention it." Cordelia responds with a wry grin. "Though in most stories it's the gallant man who sweeps the woman off her feet."

"Eh, I believe in equal opportunities between genders." I say, still giggling a little bit to myself. "Who says women can't take the lead once in a while? Aheheh… right, um, pfft-"

"Perhaps I should give you a minute." Cordelia gives me a bemused smile. "Allow you to collect yourself?"

"Nonono, I'm good." I say, clearing my throat. "Ahem! Right, you okay? For a second there I thought I was going to bowl you over."

"Oh, I'm quite alright." Cordelia says, now smiling fully. "You managed to redirect that potential mishap firmly towards yourself."

"Glad to hear it." I respond, still not quite able to wipe the stupid grin from my face. "That was a good catch, by the way."

"I certainly try." Cordelia nods. "Rescuing those in danger is part of a Pegasus Knight's duty, after all."

"I imagine so. So, I guess you all just finished your training?" I crane my head past her and peer out the door. "Are the other Pegasus Knights heading our way?"

Immediately Cordelia's face falls. "Oh no, they'll already be inside. I had to remain behind to feed the Pegasus. 'Little Lady Genius' is so very good at Pegasus care, after all. And our Pegasus deserve nothing but the best."

Wow, that was some incredible levels of sarcasm. I'd be impressed if I wasn't so irritated. "They're still pulling that shit? One would hope our Pegasus Knights were capable of finding better things to do."

"One would hope." Cordelia replies. "Oh but listen to me, I shouldn't be bothering you with this; you just got back from a long trip just a few hours ago. I hope it was a fruitful journey?"

"Very much so." I grin. "I'm pleased to be the first to tell you that Chrom has successfully negotiated an alliance with Regna Ferox."

Cordelia flushes a little at that. "I knew he would succeed. He does so much for Ylisse, after all, how could he possibly fail?"

"Yeah, it wasn't easy, but we managed to pull it off." I nod along, graciously pretending her little crush isn't just… absurdly obvious. "Had to jump through a lot of hoops to get there though."

"Oh dear. I hope it wasn't too dangerous."

Unbidden, the image of Ezra's sneering face jumps to my mind. "…Nothing I couldn't handle."

Cordelia pauses at my tone, then looks me up and down, apparently trying to determine my sincerity. There's thankfully little to be gleaned from that, since I'm dressed for the cold weather. No scars to give me away. Or so I think, but she still manages to figure something out, because of course she does. "Well the trip seems to have done well for you, at any rate. You've lost weight."

…

She doesn't know, Ben. Don't be an ass.

"I suppose I have, haven't I?" I chuckle. "Yeah, that cold mountain air does wonders for your health. Anyways, I should be going, I'm supposed to be helping Stahl with cooking duty tonight."

"Oh!" Cordelia blinks at the abrupt turn in the conversation. "Well, I suppose I should apologize for keeping you, then."

"No, no! Don't worry about it. I enjoy talking with you, I just… gotta go. Good night!" I grin disarmingly and step past her towards the door.

"Of course. Good night…" Cordelia still looks puzzled, and I leave before she can think to press me further.

I hadn't realised how... visible the evidence of my trauma was. To think that it could be noticed so easily, even without the scars...

The rest of the night is spent in shutdown mode. I cook dinner, eat quickly, speak to no one, and head to bed. Then I spend the next two hours kicking myself for being an absolute ass until I finally manage to fall asleep.

* * *

I awake the next morning to absolute pandemonium. Footsteps ring out down the hall, and I hear the sounds of voices yelling. For a moment or two, all I can do is stare blankly at my bedroom door in confusion, wondering what the hell's going on.

Then I hear somebody mention Themis and clarity snaps me out of my drowsiness like a fist to the gut. Themis? Now? That can't be right!

I dress myself in a hurry and burst out the door to see my fellow Shepherds in a similar state of disarray. "Lon'qu!" I yell at the nearest one. "What the hell's going on?"

"An attack by Plegia, from the sounds of it. The King has taken some nobleman's daughter hostage, and your Exalt goes to parley." Lon'qu grumbles. "And as I understand it, we go to ensure the Exalt keeps her head."

"Fuck!" I snarl, diving back into my room to grab my jacket and bracers. The weight of the chainmail is something I'm honestly not sure I can properly handle just yet, but the protection is something I'll need in my current state. I'm in no way ready for this.

God damn it, of all the times for the game to prove accurate! Events have been happening weeks apart if not more compared to the game's representation, and I was fucking counting on that to get by here. With all the travelling that's been done I've barely begun with my rehabilitation. My legs are stronger from all the marching I've done, but my upper body is lacking. I lifted some weights while riding the cart, but that's no substitute for proper physical therapy.

I grab a hand axe, the only one of my weapons to have survived the ordeal at Kidnapper's Keep, and re-emerge into the hallway to see that the others have already left for the carts. Shit, I'll need to move fast.

First thing's first, I rush for the armory on the first floor. No way in hell I'm facing the opening act of a full blown war with just a fucking hand axe. I need proper weapons. I give Virion a nod as he exits the room, arms laden with loaded quivers, and make my way inside.

I start by grabbing a second hand axe, checking several before I find one with a similar weight to my own (I'm still not good enough to compensate for the difference on the fly). I consider the swords for a moment or two, but decide against taking one. My specialty remains with axes, and this isn't the time to experiment. I grab a battle axe from the wall, and-

* * *

 _Ezra gasps as my axe finally finds purchase in his chest. His thrashing ceases immediately as the blade bursts through his ribs. There's a long moment where I stare down at the fatal blow, almost surprised to have properly hit him after the long struggle, but it's true. Ezra stares down at this chest in similar disbelief. He mutters something, or tries to at least, but his lungs are well past functioning at this point. An almost peaceful expression slips across his face as he dies._

 _The sight of such tranquility on a man such as him drives my fury to the boiling point once again. My blade makes a sickeningly wet sound as I tear it away._

 _I bring down my axe, driving it into his chest cavity once more, and shattering his remaining ribs completely. I bring down my axe, mangling Ezra's calm visage and opening his skull. I bring down my axe, and as I tear it out of the body I send entrails flying behind me. I bring down my axe, and Ezra's head splits completely, his eyes bursting from their sockets. I bring down-_

* * *

"GAAAAHHH!" I bellow in horror, the battle axe slipping from my fingers and falling to the ground with a loud clatter. I barely have the presence of mind to hop backwards, avoiding a potential accident from the falling blade, and lean heavily against the rack of spears in the middle of the room, gasping for air. That was one of the worst episodes I've had to date…

I take a minute to recover, then try again, reaching for the axe to-

* * *

 _Blood flecks across my skin as I pound the corpse into paste-_

* * *

Nononononononononononononononono. No. _Fuck no_ , we're having none of that.

I snarl down at my trembling hands as I recover, "You weak fucker. Get over it. That was hardly the first time you killed, and you don't have the luxury to let it be the last." My breathing turns to sobbing as I collapse to my knees. "Aw fuck, this is going to be a problem, isn't it?"

I can't use a battle axe. It's not possible. And as I think this, my body somehow manages to pick it up and set it back in its place without issue.

Apparently touching is fine, as long as I'm not attempting to resolve myself to… bring it down. Fuck.

Now what? I can't go in there without a proper melee weapon. A sword, maybe? I suppose that's my only choice. I head back for the swords, and gritting my teeth, grab for the closest one. My hand closes around the grip and… nothing. Well, not nothing, I'm still shaking like a leaf, but I can hold this thing, which means I can fight!

"There will be no need for that, Ben."

"WHOA! What the fuck!" I whirl in shock to see Frederick eyeing me from the doorway. "Don't sneak up on me like that, Frederick! You trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Hmm, how odd. I've been standing here for a while now. I wonder, is this how Kellam feels?" Frederick muses. "It makes one wonder the sort of things he must have seen while beneath his veil of obscurity."

"Is that so?" I gulp, "And, uhh, what sort of things have you seen?"

Frederick gives me a pitying look. "Well, I arrived shortly after you screamed and dropped your axe."

"Oh."

"Yes, for a moment I was of the impression that you had somehow injured yourself, but when you started speaking to yourself it became all too clear what was truly going on."

"Peeking and eavesdropping, then." I snark. "Unbecoming of an honorable knight."

"Perhaps so." Frederick replies with a sigh. "But at the very least I can say that this has helped me make the correct decision now."

A weight settles in my gut. "No, Frederick, don't you fucking dare-"

"You will not be joining us." Frederick cuts me off sternly. "You are in no condition to defend yourself if things should go south on this trip, as we all expect it might."

"Fuck you."

"Your physical recovery is lacking enough as is, but seeing now that your mental recovery is so very far behind."

"Fuck! Off!" I snarl, clawing at my hair, feeling the too short length between my fingers like a badge of shame, feeling the jagged scar that is only barely covered. Feeling with every fibre of my being just how right he is and how infuriating and demeaning that truth is.

"Ben." Frederick sighs, placing a hand on my shoulder. "I'm not doing this to punish you. There is no shame in this, save for the shame I feel myself. I should have realized sooner. Had it only occurred to me, the extent of your suffering…"

"What can I say, I'm a damn good liar." I mutter.

"Indeed." Frederick manages a wry smile. "But lying to yourself will not get you through this. I know. Believe me I know all too well. You are not the first man I've seen try it."

"I believe you." I reply, noting the somber tone in his voice. "But that doesn't mean I can just sit back and do nothing while you all face a potential war without me! Let me go with you Frederick, I know I can do this!"

"Perhaps you can." Frederick replies. "Naga knows you have performed a great many acts I believed to be beyond you since you came to this place. But those successes of yours have come with high costs. Horrible injuries. Broken hearts. Every time you tear yourself apart for the sake of prevailing in an impossible battle it drives your friends mad with grief and worry. I have seen it often enough already in the short time since you've joined us."

"I'd rather they worry than see them die."

"And they feel much the same about you." Frederick replies firmly. "No, I will not budge on this Ben. With every passing moment I feel all the more strongly about this. Your apparent desire for martyrdom makes it all the more clear to me that I have left this alone for far too long. Stay at the barracks. Dedicate yourself to your recovery, both physical and mental. We shall be back in two weeks' time, and you shall be here waiting for us. Consider it an order."

There's no talking him out of it. My next few attempts are cut off before they can even begin. I follow Frederick out of the barracks, and stand back at the doorway as he tells the others.

Any thoughts I was making of pulling a Ricken and sneaking along fade immediately when I see the sheer relief on the faces of Severa and the others. I really have been driving them mad with worry, haven't I?

Well fuck. Guess I'm staying, then.

I hug Sumia, Lissa, Noire, and even Miriel of all people, and accept the customary clap on the back from Sully. I crack jokes with Stahl and Robin and Virion, and wish Chrom good luck. I wish Emmeryn good luck as well (because it'd be a dick move not to, even if I think her cause is hopeless), and am gifted with a beatific smile in response.

Severa comes after the others move back to the carts and surprises me with a hug of her own, muttering into my shoulder, "I'll look after them for you. Don't worry Dad."

"As long as you don't do anything I would do I won't have anything to worry about." I grin, patting her on the shoulder. "Now go on, before we start drawing weird looks."

"Right." She jogs back to the others, taking her place as one of the cart drivers and chatting with the other Shepherds like she's always belonged there. I wish I could have hugged her a bit longer. The part of me that longs to be open about my new-found parenthood is steadily getting more impatient.

"I owe you an apology." A voice says from behind me.

"AH! What the fuck is with people and sneaking up on me all of a sudden?" I whirl around irritably and come to an abrupt stop. "Oh. Cordelia. Hello again."

"I didn't mean to sneak up on you." Cordelia replies sheepishly. "I was waiting for an opportunity to talk to you, and didn't want to interrupt." She gazes over to Severa. "You two seem close."

"Uhh, yeah, I guess…" I pause, considering my words for a moment. I don't want to lie about this, at least not to Severa's only real parent. I settle for a half-truth instead. "I guess I've adopted her, in a way."

"Oh, how lovely!" Cordelia grins. "Sumia frets over her a great deal. She'll be thrilled to know."

"I'm sure she will." I give a half-hearted smile. "We're, uhh… We're keeping it discrete for the moment though, so maybe don't tell Sumia just yet. Not sure what you've heard about me, but my family situation is a bit… complicated."

"I see. Well, I won't pry."

The two of us stand in silence for a moment before I awkwardly clear my throat. "Ahem! So, uhh, you wanted to talk to me?"

"Ah. Yes." Cordelia winces. "I owe you an apology for yesterday."

"There's nothing to apologise for."

"There's a great deal to apologise for and you know it." Cordelia replies crossly. "I'm honestly mortified just thinking about it. The tactlessness I showed yesterday, it was just-"

"You couldn't have known."

"I did know! Not the specifics, but I knew you were holding _something_ back, and I kept prodding anyways! Sumia was furious when I asked her about it, the maddest I've ever seen her get with me." Cordelia sighs despondently. "It was not my proudest moment by any means."

"It was an honest mistake." I sigh and shake my head. "You couldn't have known. Uhh, what do you know, by the way?"

"I was not entrusted with any details, and I think that's for the best." Cordelia replies, still looking upset with herself. "I was simply informed that you lost weight due to a traumatic experience, and that Ferox was far less kind to you than your fellow Shepherds."

"Hmm. We'll leave it at that, then." I look over to the rest of Emmeryn's retinue. "From the look of things you won't have time for that story anyways. It looks like Phila's about to call the Pegasus Knights together."

"Yes, I should be going." Cordelia nods. "Alright then. You're sure there's no hard feelings?"

"Positive." I give her a small smile. "Think no more of it."

"Very well." She holds a hand up. "Until next time."

A bit formal, but it's not the best time to be poking fun at people. "Until next time." I give her hand a firm shake and then watch as she rushes over to join her fellow knights. There's some jeering, barely audible from where I stand, and then the knights take off as one, flying as the vanguard on this journey, while the Shepherds watch Emmeryn directly from the ground.

The procession doesn't remain for much longer. Time is of the essence, after all; every minute that passes could mean death for Maribelle. The Pegasus descend past the cliff face, and the Shepherds drive their carts and horses forward. The Shepherds wave me farewell, and head off to face Gangrel. To face the start of another war, though they don't realize it yet.

And here I am, watching them leave.

* * *

 **Some of you may be disappointed with what this decision means, and I want you to know that in a way I am, too. The story put its foot down on this one though. Sometimes it has a mind of its own, and today was one of those days. The story says Ben needs a fucking nap, and I know better than to argue with my stories. Nothing good comes of fighting it. It always knows best.**


	23. Chapter 22

**Sorry for the wait, everyone! August was a hell of a month. Well, mostly the latter half of it. Had to move out of my old place due to some financial problems, which took up most of the time and energy I'd normally put into writing. And once I had that sorted work went right to shit due to some chucklefucks quitting without giving any notice. Then another guy got injured, and another one went on vacation, and another one was transferred to a different store for a week. So yeah. Busy. Busy and exhausting. But I'm past the worst of it now, so I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of things.**

 **Hope this proves to be worth the wait!**

* * *

Since I was left on my own I've come to realize that my attitude towards conversation has drastically altered. As a general rule the Shepherds all tend to be largely easy for me to talk to, though there are some exceptions. Anna is a nightmare when you don't want to talk business, and I have no idea where I stand with Vaike at this point, but the rest I can safely say I get along with and talk with on a regular basis.

Fighting alongside people makes you feel closer to them in a way that can't be understated. Trusting someone with your life is a necessity on the battlefield, and every member of the Shepherds have proven themselves worthy of that trust. I'm probably not too worthy of it myself, mind you, what with all the horrible, life altering secrets I'm keeping, but I've also nearly died for them a few times, so I like to think it balances out.

Ugh. I'll be needing to open that can of worms soon, won't I? Yikes. Anyways.

All of this is to say that I have, in spite of my typical opinion on socialization, grown rather accustomed to talking with people. The Shepherds are something of an emotional support group for me, feeling close to me in a way few of my friends have ever been. I can count the number of people I trusted like that in my old life on one hand. The Shepherds are the big reason I've lasted through what is easily the most tumultuous and emotionally taxing time of my life.

This isn't to say that I'm falling apart now that they're gone. Only that as I continue to spend time on my own here, I find myself rapidly growing to miss them.

The barracks feel empty without the Shepherds here. Without Lissa's jokes and energy, without Vaike's yelling and bragging, without Miriel's research cluttering the tables… Well that last one hasn't changed, actually. The woman did not clean up after herself at all, and the maids have standing orders not to disturb anything she leaves lying about.

I don't know how Sumia managed being left alone as often as she was. No wonder she reads so many books. An escape would be lovely right about now.

I won't allow myself that luxury yet though. I need to do what I can to ensure that there is no repeat of this. I need to do everything I can to ensure that I will be declared fit for service when the Shepherds return. I need to confront my problems, and move past them, rather than try to pretend I'm still alright.

I'm quickly doing my part to establish a routine with the time I have to myself. My mornings are spent continuing my physical training. I wake before the sun has risen, slap myself with Miriel's heating spell, and run laps outside until the guards and knights have arrived to begin their training. Then I work on my upper body strength while they begin their training.

By the time lunch rolls around I've washed up and started on the next part of my plan: studying. I make my way to the castle library, and just start reading up on anything that interests me. Magic isn't the priority, since my spellbook currently consists of Miriel's heat spell drawn on a folded page in my pocket. Instead I look at things like etiquette, politics, and military tactics. I'm not even sure what I'm hoping to gain from it all yet, but I can't help but think that the information will prove useful before too long. I have little doubt the court of Ylisse will become an absolute clusterfuck once Emmeryn returns with news of war.

Dinner every night is followed by a train wreck. I am beginning to learn rather quickly that while self-medication is bad, it gets even worse when dealing with your own mind. I've been spending my evenings before bed attempting to use every psychological trick I can think of to try and face my inner demons. And about the only good thing I can say is that it doesn't seem to have worsened my condition.

Meditation is simply ineffective, as I can't seem to relax my thoughts enough to attain a proper sense of calm. Therapists aren't a thing here, since the profession simply hasn't been invented yet. And so far my attempts to directly confront my memory of the night at Kidnapper's Keep have been… ineffective.

See, when it boils right down to it, my brain is doing some serious compartmentalization. I can't seem to recall anything that happened that night past a certain point. There's a wall in my mind, and the information has been locked away behind it. No matter how hard I try to remember, nothing comes to me.

And so, after days of getting nowhere, I've decided to do something… kinda desperate. Because I've already learned one way to bring that mental wall down that I know is going to work.

I stand barefoot on cold stone, a robe thrown over my naked shoulders that barely reaches my knees. It's late, well past sundown, and a lone torch clutched in my hand casting dancing light across the walls. Spearheads, shields, swords, axes, and more glimmer in the firelight, the armory still well stocked despite all the equipment that was brought with the Shepherds. Their shadows dance in the firelight as well, dark points looming up across the walls, a grim ensemble of death here to watch my imminent pain.

There is no doubt in my mind that this will hurt. A plan this reckless can only end in suffering. But if I don't face this, then I fear that I will never get past the trauma. It's a fear that runs strongly enough in me to drag me out of bed in the middle of the night for this half-baked scheme.

Already the scene brings back memories of that terrible night. Weapons gleaming in the torchlight, looming out of the darkness. And at the other end, snarling, ugly, leering faces, all clamoring for my death. For my suffering.

The faces are no more than memories. I've seen to that. But if the afterlife is real, I feel that this will sate the souls attached to those memories, at least in part.

I take a steadying breath. Then another. My mind is frantic, but my lungs move steadily. The first step in learning to sing is learning to breathe, and with a proper breath one can find peace in all things. My old singing lessons have saved my life in ways I could never have imagined since I came to this place.

Collect yourself, Ben.

It's only a memory.

It can't hurt you.

Not anymore.

I hold the torch higher. And pick up the axe.

* * *

 _My arm, still perforated with arrows, twists unnaturally as I tear at Ezra's leg-_

 _-ribs crunch audibly as I bring the hammer down on Fish's chest-_

 _-I pull my axe from his hands, my own blood still dripping from the blade-_

 _-his glassy eyed stare as he lies in a pool of his own brains-_

 _-a reflection less like a human being and more like a monster-_

 _-"You can't do this to me, I'm sorry I'm late, please don't die!"_

* * *

"FUCK!" I bellow, curled up on my side against the cold stone floor.

It still hurts. Oh god it hurts so fucking much, why did I think for even a moment that I could pretend otherwise?

The torch fell from my hands at some point during this idiocy, sputtering low on the floor. Christ, how long was I out for?

What the fuck did I just do to myself? What made me think that would help? How could I be so fucking stupid?

For a brief moment my frustrations get the better of me, and I roll onto my hands and knees to scream at the floor. A long, drawn out bellow, for as long as I can hold it. Then another. By the time I've done it a third time my throat is raw. My arms tremble with the sudden desire to just tear something to shreds, a result of the pounding adrenaline and raw fear I just submitted myself to. Maybe I'll go hit a training dummy. That's probably the best way to release all this tension. First I need to put the axe away though. Now where the fuck did I drop it?

I spot it as I rise to a kneeling position, gleaming just on the edge of the torchlight. And-

 _Somebody's holding it. Hands, curled around the weapon, looming from the dark!_

I throw myself forward without a second thought, bellowing like an animal, swatting the axe from my assailant's hands, as my other comes up to reach for their throat. "YOU WON'T FUCKING TAKE ME!"

A shrill scream answers me, along with hands thrown up in a feeble self defense. Too feeble. I catch myself at the last moment.

One of the maids stares up at me, terrified eyes nearly bulging from her head. Tears burst from her eyes. "Please don't! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- to-" I stare in horror as she nearly collapses. That horror explodes as my hands jump to her shoulders to steady her… from their original position around her neck.

"Oh fuck." I gasp out. "Oh fuck, no, what the hell did I just…" I release the woman, who sinks to the floor gasping for breath. I stumble away, collapse back onto my hands and knees, and vomit my dinner onto the floor.

Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck.

I nearly killed her. I saw the axe, and I just… reacted. I almost strangled the life from an innocent woman.

What the fuck's wrong with me? What if that had been Sumia? Or Lissa? Or Noire? No, fuck that line of questioning, this is every bit as bad as if it were a Shepherd. Holy shit, what if I didn't stop? What if I killed…

"Felicity." I croak out in sudden realization, the name coming to me with a jolt of realization. Her name is Felicity. I remember her because of her tendency to forget the linens most nights. No doubt she's here because she came back to retrieve them, like she always does.

Felicity doesn't respond to her name, still sobbing into her hands. I've probably scarred the poor girl for life, horrified her so badly she doesn't even recognize that I addressed her. Assuming I haven't fucked up and forgot which maid I just tried to murder…

My horror fades away to a bone deep weariness as I realize the extent of this complete failure. I've hit a new low, haven't I?

Mental health problems are not a new phenomenon for me. I've suffered them for most of my life, after all. But I used to think that I was at least getting better. My life back home was… well, humble would be generous, really, but it was stable. I used to take comfort in that. I used to think that I was treading water after years of my life spent struggling for air. And then it happened…

"This fucking world." I grumble. "What a fucking joke."

I think, in this moment, I might be starting to truly despise this world. But is that fair? Everyone around me seems to find joy in it. And I've found my fair share of happiness here as well. I guess… it's just me.

I get back to my feet, trudging over to where the axe fell. I need to start cleaning this mess up, after all. I doubt I can do anything for Felicity after this fuckup, but there are problems in this room I can solve.

I reach down next to the terrified maid and grab the axe. There's a slight scraping sound as the tip drags on the floor.

"No!" I blink in surprise as my arms are suddenly filled with a flailing maid. "I won't let you do it!"

"What the fuck?" I stagger as Felicity throws all her weight on my arm, trying to pin my axe. "Get off me!"

"No, I won't, I won't let you!" She squeaks desperately, practically hanging off my arm. For a brief moment I let myself feel a sense of pride that I'm managing to hold her off the ground. Then she lashes out and catches me in the gut with a shoe, and I go back to being annoyed and confused.

"Ugh, will you chill out?" I snap, staggering from the blow. "I'm not going to hurt you, okay? That was- that was an accident!"

"I don't care, I won't let you have this axe!" Felicity cries out in distress. "If you kill yourself then Lady Sumia will never forgive me!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I stare down at her in disbelief. "I'm not going to kill myself, you lunatic!"

Her struggling stops briefly. "Y-you're not? Eep!"

She squeals as I finally manage to dislodge her, sending her tumbling in a heap. I stomp back over to the wall, replace the axe, and then retrieve my torch. I turn back to Felicity so I can ask her what the fuck that was all about. She's staring up at me in confusion, completely oblivious to the fact that her dress is coming… very loose as a result of the struggle. I promptly turn away again. "Make yourself decent, please."

There's a brief pause, followed by a high-pitched whine and the frantic rustling of clothing. I stare blankly up at the ceiling.

Is it wrong that I found that sight to be extremely attractive? I feel like I should be ashamed of that or something after tossing her around the way I did. Whatever, I'm only human. A barely dressed maid was just sitting on her knees in front of me. I'm allowed to find that hot.

Felicity clears her throat delicately behind me, and I take that as a cue that it's safe to face her. She's tiptoed closer while I had my back turned, which is annoying because I'm probably blushing like crazy right now. Hard not to. She's a cute girl, around twenty years old, with big soulful blue eyes and blonde hair. Normally she'd have it done up in a bonnet, but it looks like she's let it hang loose now that her shift is over. Still wearing the normal bodice and skirts all the maids wear though, so she was probably just wrapping up for the day when she realized she had to come back.

That's right Ben, flex those detective skills, just the thing to take your mind off of… other things…

What the fuck is wrong with me? Stop perving on her, Christ!

"Are you okay?" Felicity asks concernedly, eyes practically sparkling in the torchlight. "Have you recovered from that awful state you were in?"

"State?" I blink at the question, before my brain finally catches up. "Okay, hold on, no."

"You haven't?" Felicity rears back in shock, then grabs my free hand. "Is there anything I can do for you, sir? Should I fetch a healer?"

"Stop! Stop, stop, stop." I tug my hand free and clap a hand to my head. "That's not what I- Look, this conversation is totally backwards, alright?"

"Backwards?"

"You shouldn't be- We can't- I should be asking, God, fucking- hold on." I stammer uselessly for a few moments before I finally get my thoughts in order, and stare down blankly at her. "I tried to kill you."

Felicity pales at that, finally seeming to remember the danger I pose to her. She takes half a step back, a hand twitching towards her throat, before she gathers her strength and recomposes herself. "You didn't hurt me, sir."

I look at her throat uneasily. It's true that there's no marking there, but my mind can still clearly picture the exact place where my hands had begun to tighten. "Not for lack of trying."

Her face puffs up into a pout. "You stop all that right now, it isn't fair at all! I may not be a soldier like you, but I could tell easily enough that you were in a lot more pain just now than I was!"

I blink slowly at that, completely taken aback at the determination in her voice.

"Have. You. Recovered?" Felicity repeats sternly.

"I… think so?" I blink at the tone in her voice.

"Good." Felicity says, though her frown stays firmly in place. "Now what in the world possessed you to harm yourself like that?"

"Harm- that wasn't what I was doing!" I protest. "I told you, I'm not suicidal!"

"Maybe you weren't trying to kill yourself, but you were certainly trying to hurt yourself as much as you could!"

"I wasn't! I didn't pick up that fucking axe so I could cut myself open, you ditz! I was just… look it's complicated, okay?" I throw my arms up in frustration.

Felicity's eyes narrow. "You know, all the maids here have an idea of your situation."

My eyes go wide. "They fucking WHAT?"

"Sumia explained the basics. She was-"

"She set you all to SPY on me? What the fuck! Of all the sneaky, underhanded-" I don't get the chance to continue, due to Felicity slapping me across the face.

"She was _concerned for you."_ Felicity hisses. "She told all of us that you were suffering after being horribly injured in Regna Ferox, and asked us to come tell her if we thought anything was amiss! How dare you imply for even a moment that her intentions were anything less than pure! I have known that girl my whole life, and she would never act in such a way!"

"Okay! Okay, you're right! I'm sorry!" I raise my hands in surrender. "She didn't deserve that. I just… I'm sensitive about that particular topic. I'd rather as few people know about it as possible."

"Well, I suppose that it's simply too bad then, that you should feel so greatly inconvenienced by Lady Sumia's concern." Felicity sniffs indignantly, turning aside with a huff.

I can only sigh at that. This has got to be one of the bigger dick moves I've made since coming here. Sumia's done so much to earn my trust since I arrived here, I should never have doubted her, even for a second. She's done nothing but look after me… and I guess this is just her doing more of the same.

Felicity still hasn't moved, so I guess she's waiting for me to say something.

That might be a good thing.

"Sumia doesn't actually know what happened to me, you know."

Felicity stiffens at this, but doesn't turn around, so I continue. "See, my injuries aren't the problem. Not really. What happened to me isn't what's wrong here."

"Then what is?" She asks sulkily, now barely watching me out of the corner of my eye.

"It's not what happened to me…" I repeat, gathering myself. "It's what I did to the people who hurt me. It's the blood on my hands. It's what I'm capable of."

Felicity pales at the look on my face as I say this, but still seems to properly consider my words. After a moment, she turns to face me properly. "I would like to humbly request that you skip your training routine tomorrow. There's somebody I think you should meet." 

* * *

"This was your big idea?"

"Sir Benjamin, please don't be difficult about this…"

"Hey, I'm still following you, aren't I?" I roll my eyes. "Also, never call me Sir Benjamin ever again."

"Sir, then."

"Try just saying Ben."

"Sir, I will remind you that I am a servant of the castle. As a Shepherd you are considered of similar rank to the royal guard. Calling you by name would cause an outrage."

"Slapping me is apparently fine though."

Felicity goes pale at that. "Oh goodness I forgot I did that. If anyone were to find out I'd lose my job in a heartbeat."

"Even if it was totally deserved."

"The emotions of a maid are irrelevant. In Castle Ylisstol, rank outweighs everything… with some rare exceptions." She's referring to the royal family, no doubt.

"That's bullshit." I grumble.

"I appreciate that you think so." Felicity smiles brightly at me. "Nevertheless, it's not something either of us are truly in a position to refuse."

"I suppose not." I sigh, thinking back to my etiquette studies. Chrom and the others are well known amongst the court for being habitual rule breakers. They have a strange tendency to treat people as... people (what an outrage, oh no!). But as for the rest of the Ylissean nobility… They take it seriously, like only a stuck-up noble can. Bunch of fucking peacocks strutting around like narcissistic assholes, if you ask me. But I know better than to say such a thing out loud. Especially not here.

"If you'd please follow me, Sir." Felicity calls back to me, and I hasten to catch up, despite my misgivings. She is, after all, leading me up the steps leading to the Cathedral of Naga.

So help me, the 'somebody' Felicity wanted me to meet had better not be Jesus!

Or… whatever the equivalent of Jesus is around here? I guess that's Tiki, isn't it? Okay, so I'm not meeting dragon Jesus anytime soon. Still somewhat worried they're going to try to convert me though.

I've already unconverted myself from religion once in my life, I have no desire to repeat that process. I don't care if Naga is real, I don't feel all too inclined to worship her. From what little I remember from the lore she treated her daughter like shit, so she can just piss off as far as I'm concerned. Not that there's a religion where the bigshots do treat their kids right, but it's a worse offense if you're not imaginary.

Well, even if this trip does turn out to be a bust, I suppose it'll be cool to check out the church. The building sits halfway up the hill towards the castle, and I more or less walk past it every time I go to town and back. Since I'm not a fan of religion though, I've always avoided it.

It's an impressive building. Lacking in comparison to some cathedrals I've been to, but when you've visited Notre Dame or the Sagrada Familia most buildings seem to pale in comparison. As it stands, it's still a nice church. Could probably give a lot of old churches in Europe a run for their money, from the assortment I've seen. And I've seen a lot. It's just what happens when you go on a foreign trip in a Catholic School.

In terms of size it's probably about the same as Notre Dame, but the design seems a lot simpler. Fewer arches, not as much detailed statues and stonework. The big things that distinguish it are the decorations. Fewer statues of saints and angels, more depictions of swords and dragons. The archway above the main entrance is fashioned into a great pair of stone wings. To enter this building is to enter the embrace of Naga. Cool beans.

It's not a typical day of worship, so the building is emptier than one might expect. Priests and priestesses are scattered throughout the main hall, and some of the more devout Ylisseans are fervently praying at the foot of the main altar. A few folks on religious pilgrimages are here too, identifiable by their worn clothing and weaponry. In a church that praises the Hero King Marth, wielding a blade is its own form of worship.

Of course, I'm not one for worship myself, so the majesty of the building wears off before too long. I pull my eyes away from the stained glass and high ceilings, and realize that Felicity vanished while I was admiring the place. Guess she's grabbing her friend. Which leaves me to wander this place on my own… Not the most comfortable situation. I feel pretty out of place in churches these days.

I used to be pretty devout, once upon a time. My childhood was spent dutifully attending church every Sunday. I'd pray, I'd sing, I'd take part in all the youth programs… and then as I got older, I stopped feeling the same about it. It happened slowly, my sense of fulfillment waning as I stopped feeling the same desire to please the adults around me. Any attempts I made to delve deeper into the Christian lifestyle fell flat as it became clear I wasn't really gaining anything from it all.

There's a part of me that still believes in God, but that part believes just as strongly that God has no desire to play a part in the affairs of humans. Because if you had the power to create universes, why would the actions of a few relatively insignificant beings on one tiny planet out of billions matter to you in the slightest? He's certainly given no indication that he gives a shit about me.

So in the end I denounced my own faith. Why put any effort into worshipping God? God will never do anything for me. There is no force out there in the world that can make my life better. The only higher powers out there in the world have an agenda beyond the comprehension of humankind, assuming they exist at all.

Of course, that logic isn't nearly so applicable here. In the world of Fire Emblem the Gods walk amongst mankind. Naga and Grima both use their worshippers as pawns to achieve their own end, though Naga's designs are ultimately benevolent (if you aren't related to her).

The evidence of this presence is clear if one looks around this cathedral. The Mila Tree, the Holy Sword Falchion, great images of battles between godly dragons (Naga and Grima, or Mila and Duma perhaps?)… The Gods have made their presence known in this place, and their forms are common knowledge. Naga in particular, has a great stained glass window dedicated to both of her forms high above the pulpit. Her human form has arms spread in welcome, with her dragon body curling wings protectively much like the design at the front door.

"It's an inspiring work, isn't it?" I'm shaken from my musings at the voice, and turn to see a blonde woman in white robes has come to stand next to me. "Are you here on a pilgrimage? I do not believe that I have seen your face here before."

"Uhh, no, sorry." I rub my arm uncomfortably. "I'm not much for religion. A… friend dragged me here. Just admiring the art, I guess."

"Well I'm pleased to hear that you appreciate it." The woman smiles. "I would hate for you to feel as though this trip was wasted."

"…Is that sarcasm? Because it sounds like sarcasm."

"Not at all!" She blinks, taken aback. "I fully understand the feelings of those who come here without devotion to Naga in their hearts. I am simply happy to hear that you were able to find something here to appreciate."

"Alright, my bad, misssss…" I trail off into a hiss as I look fully at the woman… who has rather broad shoulders… and quite the jawline… Could it be… "sssss… ter?"

My confusion is misinterpreted, thank goodness. "Ah yes, I suppose I should have introduced myself. My name is Libra, a humble Monk of Naga." Aha, glad I realized before it got awkward. Even knowing of Libra's existence beforehand I nearly made the same mistake as the other Shepherds will before long.

"Ben." I give him a firm handshake. "I'm a member of the Shepherds."

"Oh?" Libra frowns. "I was told that the Shepherds were accompanying our Most Divine Exalt in her peacekeeping mission to Plegia."

"They are." I fail to suppress a grimace. "With the sole exception of myself."

"I can see there is a great deal of bitter feelings there." Libra nods.

"You could say that."

"Well, I shall not pry. I will tell you however, that we of the Church of Naga take pride in being a place of healing. For matters both physical and not…" He trails off meaningfully at this.

I mull the offer over for a minute. Still no sign of Felicity. And I suppose I did come here hoping to… get better. "Ah, what the hell. If you feel up to hearing me out, might as well talk your ear off for a bit."

"Certainly." Libra gestures to the side, where an empty pew is sitting in a quieter corner of the vast room. "Let's sit a while then. Physical comfort and mental comfort are closely linked after all."

"Sounds good."

Of course, once I've taken the offered seat, it properly occurs to me that I need to start speaking. I sit in silence for a while, working up the nerve. A part of me hopes Libra will start asking questions, so I have somewhere to start, but he just sits patiently, waiting for me to start speaking. Truly a beatific bastard, this one.

The silence lingers long enough that I wind up getting impatient with myself and blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. "I never wanted to be a Shepherd."

Libra turns his attention to me fully, but says nothing, prompting me to continue. "I'm not from Ylisse. I'm not from anywhere on any map in the country. I don't know how I ended up here, I just woke up in Southtown just before a bandit attack, and started fighting. My first day in this country and I killed three people."

"That must have been quite an ordeal."

"Oh yeah, they got me pretty good in return." I clap a hand to my thigh. "Sword wound. Would have bled out if the Shepherds didn't find me in time. It was my first time fighting. Well, first fight to the death, anyways."

"Most men would have difficulty with such a thing."

"Probably."

Libra's gaze becomes more focused. "Which is to say that you did not?"

"Yeah. I found the rationalization pretty easy. They were murderers. Inhuman monsters."

"No." Libra cuts me off sharply. "Ben, I understand that such thoughts are often a helpful crutch when helping one come to terms with one's actions, but I will not accept such talk. Not in Naga's house. I have little doubt that these were wicked men, but they were still men. The loss of any life is a tragedy in the eyes of the church."

"I'm not the church." I snap back, before thinking better of it, "But I will abide by your wishes. At least while here."

"That is all I ask." Libra replies, regaining his calm. "Now then. You're telling me that this incident, your first true brush with violence, was what prompted your induction into the Shepherds."

"Yup. Wasn't much of a fighter, but I've done all right. I fight, I take a few hits, and I win. The Plegians in Southtown, the bandits at the Far Fort, the guards at the Longfort, and… Kidnappers Keep."

"Hm. A rather dour name."

"It didn't have a proper name. That's just… what I call it." I shrug. It always had been one of the catchier location names in the game. "I'm sure the town had a name before the river swept most of it away, but I didn't particularly care to learn it."

"So, what makes Kidnapper's Keep significant?"

"Who says it is?" I grimace.

"Your pause rather said it all, I'm sorry to say." Libra gives me a rueful smile. "If you don't wish to speak of it, that's always an option of course. I simply focused on it because it felt important to you."

Kidnapper's Keep? Important to me?

"I hate that place." I protest irritably.

"A hated memory can be an important factor in one's life." Libra nods along. "We may not always care for the weight of such things, but sometimes denying such a thing can be the same as denying a part of yourself. If what happened was significant enough, it could very well shape who you are. Who you will become."

Which is why I've been trying so hard to push myself to come to terms with it. But the way Libra phrases it… "I don't want to become like that ever again."

"Ah." Libra replies in understanding. "Then this is a matter of guilt? You regret your actions taken at kidnapper's keep."

"I guess?" I muse on that a moment longer, then frown. "Actually no. That doesn't feel quite right."

"You find the death you inflicted there to be equally justifiable, then." Libra frowns.

I open my mouth to speak, then remember Libra's words earlier. I fully believe that the world is better off without Ezra and his men, but I did promise that I would be respectful while here… In the end, I settle for simply saying "They were evil people, Libra. Some of the most horrible I've ever seen."

"And so you killed them."

"I did. More than thirty people. All killed in one night."

Libra is struck speechless at the number, like so many others have been. "Yeah, there's been a lot of that going around lately." I chuckle mirthlessly.

"My apologies." Libra recollects himself. "I did not expect such a thing. Especially not after hearing of your relative inexperience in battle."

"Yeah, well it's not like I really fought all of them." I scratch idly at the scar on my head, doing my best not to meet Libra's eyes. "I think like, a third of that number didn't really see me coming. Better chance of me surviving that way."

"Is this what bothers you? The fact that you didn't fight them with honor?"

"Please, I'm not Chrom." I make a face. "I don't hold the illusion that killing is better when the opponent can see you coming."

"I see." Libra sighs. "I confess, Ben, that I am having some difficulty finding the truth of what haunts you. Perhaps it is the fact that we just met, or the fact that your circumstances are so extreme, but no matter the reason I find you to be a particularly hard one to read."

"Is that priest speak for 'get to the point'?" I smirk over at Libra.

Libra can only chuckle at that. "Perhaps it would be better interpreted as a sign of surrender? At least in regards to finding the issue which you would like me to assist you with. So I find myself inclined to ask instead: are you able to tell me what about this incident truly haunts you?"

Am I?

Well… I suppose…

"I recommend talking through it aloud." Libra says, seeing my hesitation. "Feel free to speak as frankly as you feel is necessary. I will not hold anything against you, I swear."

"Bold claim." I reply, unconvinced, remembering his earlier temper towards my opinions on bandits.

"I possess enough self-awareness that I will regard any ill will at your words as a personal failure."

"Huh. Good enough, I suppose." I sigh.

So, what is it that really bothers me about this situation? How do I get to the root of this issue? I have an inkling already, but I'm not sure going right for the throat on this issue is the way to go. I suppose the first thing to do is to separate things. Look at it rationally, divide things into their core components and assess from there. Looking at it all at once isn't going to work, there's simply too much raw emotion jumbled together.

The biggest matters first. My near death and my massive kill count. If one is to look for a matter that could lead to trauma, then those are the most likely culprits. But my near death is practically a non-factor. I hold little regard for my own life, in a lot of ways. I don't want to die, but I've never felt that my life had much to live for. That's a problem on its own, certainly, but not one that really pertains to my current situation. At least, not in regards to the consequences of that night…

Well, that's not entirely true. I do have things to live for. My family, back in Canada, no doubt wondering what the hell happened to me. My death would leave them forever lost, without closure. Severa, my new family, who looks at me as though I'm more than just a man, as though I'm the whole world, the foundation she's built herself upon. My death would ruin her. That's been made clear enough. I see little reason to live for myself, but so much cause to live for others.

Could Severa's pain be what drives this anguish? The knowledge that I am so thoroughly attached to this world, to people here? No. This isn't about Severa. The feelings that take me when I go to pick up an axe are devoid of love, even bittersweet. It's sappy, but there's no other way I can think of to put it.

I'm getting off track, clearly. This doesn't seem to be working.

"On the contrary, I'm learning a great deal from this already." Libra urges me on, smiling broadly. "Trust that even if you do not find the answers from this, I will. And even if I do not, then we can find them together."

"Faith, then?" I smirk.

"It is rather critical to my station, after all." Libra chuckles.

Alright then. It's not my near death. That's a problem, but it's not the _problem_. So the next thing to consider is guilt. But that's been suggested already, and it still doesn't feel right. I do not feel bad about killing Ezra, or his people. If I'm looking at this freely, without holding myself back out of a sense of propriety, then I can safely say that their deaths were something to be celebrated. They were a pack of murdering, torturing, rapist freaks. Their deaths were a good thing. A great thing even. I enjoyed removing that blight from the world…

And that's the fucking problem, isn't it?

I don't regret killing them, but the way I did it…

The way I tore my body apart, murdered while laughing, executed men begging for mercy…

I didn't do it because they needed to die. I killed them for the sake of killing them. Because I just got out of my cell and wanted to vent. First time tasting freedom in a month and I go on a killing spree. It was spite. That was all. I straight out said as much to Donnel at the time. There were valid reasons to go in there, but I didn't care about that.

What a fucked up state my mind is in. Too broken to care about killing people, but apparently doing it in an evil way is enough to turn me into a blubbering wreck.

"So." Libra's voice cuts in again, "If I'm understanding your train of thought properly, you're suffering because you view the actions you took that night as evil, when compared to the other times this has happened."

"Pretty much." I stare down at my hands. "Every other time I've killed, it's been to protect somebody, but this time… it was to feel good. I killed because I felt a sadistic pleasure in it."

"Is this the first time you've felt such a thing?"

"…Yes and no." I frown. "It's the first time I've felt it to that extent, but… I've always had a sadistic side. Same old story, you know. Grew up feeling powerless, so I hurt other people to feel more powerful. It happened a lot when I was a kid. Helped that I was a target for bullies. If I hurt them back, it would… feel more justified." I blink. "Huh."

Libra looks at me with a mixture of understanding and bemusement. "You certainly have a talent for introspection, Ben. If only all who come to receive my aid had such a proper understanding of their struggles."

"Yeah, wow. Talking it through definitely helped." I lean back and sigh. "Should have guessed as much. Not like I've never gone through this process before. Used to do it all the time back when I was learning to manage my depression."

"I see. Well, that's a good start, but it is only step one of the process." Libra says, catching my attention once more. I straighten up again, sitting at attention. "You know now that your trauma is the result of your own conflict at losing yourself to your aggressive tendencies. And furthermore, that this aggression is your way of lashing out and feeling powerful as a reaction to feeling oppressed. So, let's focus on how to proceed forward."

"Alright. What do I have to do to get back in the fight?" I nod along.

"Is that what you want?" Libra looks at me curiously.

"Huh?" I feel the sense of momentum that was just starting to build up fall away. "What do you mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like, Ben. I'm asking you, before we proceed any further, whether fighting is something you want to continue doing. You said yourself that you never wanted to be a Shepherd. After the trauma you've been through, there would be no shame in seeking a more peaceful life."

A part of me is touched to be given such a choice, but a larger part is horribly indignant. I sit silently for a moment, the two emotions battling briefly, before I finally tamp all of that down and reply quietly, "My adopted daughter is in the Shepherds."

"Say no more." Libra responds immediately, easing my tension considerably. "Then, the first thing I would recommend is to focus on what drove you the other times you've been forced to take a life. If they did not affect you like this incident did, then there is a difference there that must be found. Once you find it, you can use it to drive yourself forward in the future."

"A difference, huh?" I muse on that for a moment longer.

"Do not feel the need to rush it." Libra smiles. "In fact, I would recommend you take some time and sleep on it. For what it's worth, I believe you've given a fine enough answer already."

"Huh." I try to think back, but draw a blank for now. "Well alright then. I guess I've taken up enough of your time."

"Think nothing of it. To aid a servant of the Falchion is a privilege for any follower of Naga. And to help a man in need, a greater privilege still." Libra smiles broadly, rising to his feet. "It has been a pleasure meeting you, Ben."

"Back at you, man." I get to my feet as well, and shake hands with him once more. "You've been a big help, seriously."

"I'm glad to hear it." Libra nods, before drawing his gaze aside. "Now then, if you'll excuse me, my cousin appears to have been waiting for me for a while now."

I follow his gaze, and can't help but chuckle. He's looking towards Felicity, who sits in a pew nearby. She waves cheerfully when she sees our attention directed her way. "Ah, so you're the one she wanted me to meet, then."

"Felicity did?" Libra looks to me in surprise. "Ah, so she's the friend who brought you here?"

"Yup. She found out about all… this," I gesture to myself, "last night, and dragged me here to meet somebody. I assume she meant you."

Libra smiles fondly. "In many ways, she's more devoted to helping those around her than I am. I'm proud to consider her family."

"You should be." I think back to last night, the way she threw herself at my arms in a bid to protect me from myself. "She's very strong."

Libra gives me a curious look at that, but any potential questioning is disrupted as Felicity approaches. "Hello, sir, honored priest!" She addresses myself and Libra respectively. "I'm pleased to see you two found each other." Her smile thins. "Though slightly less pleased at how long it took me to spot you, cousin."

"My apologies!" Libra laughs, "I felt the nature of Ben's concern merited some discretion. Not all can be so free in voicing their concerns as you, Felicity."

"Their loss." Felicity replies, head held high.

"Can't argue there." I nod.

"Nor can I." Libra nods along with a grin. He then turns back to me. "Now then, I'll be leaving you for now. As much as I'd like to continue a lighter conversation, you are far from the only one seeking my presence today. But if you have trouble finding the answer you're looking for…"

"You'll be the first one I come to." I reply with a smile. "Thanks for everything."

Libra hurries away after that, approaching a group of finely dressed men who reply with a whole lot of bullshit, spoken very loudly. "Merchants and noblemen." Felicity wrinkles her nose at the sight of Libra shaking hands with them. "They come more to appear pious than to look for actual spiritual guidance. But they also love to cause problems if they're not given special treatment. Libra feels it's better to just appease them and send them on their way."

"He's probably right." I grimace. "Even the church of Naga can't escape the grasping tendrils of politics."

Felicity giggles at that. "Tendrils! Oh that's wonderful." Her expression falls flat a moment later, "And all too true. Hm."

"Nothing worth getting worked up over." I shrug. "There's nothing you or I can do about it. Come on, let's go. Your cousin has given me a lot to think about."

Felicity sees me back up the hill, then heads into town to resume her day off. I'm left with a great deal from Libra to work through, and the profound impression that I owe Felicity more than I can put into words. Studies are left for the afternoon; I spend the rest of the day meditating instead.

Libra's words ring true; I find my answer quickly. The reason I fought that let me do what I needed to was obvious in the end. But I don't rush things this time. I spend the rest of the day focusing on that. Working through the mental state I need to reach, and identifying the state I need to avoid.

The next day I approach a training dummy. I bring with me a whole cart full of different weapons. It's a bit ridiculous to look at, and probably a bit ridiculous in practise, given my mental state, but I feel like having more options will be better for me at the moment.

Before I take up any of them though, I resume my meditation.

The times I fought before, the times I killed before, there were two things driving me. The first was necessity. I must fight, or I will die. This was the biggest thing keeping me going in the past. Fight because you have to. Win because you have to. Kill because you have to.

That's not going to work from here on out. Obligation leads to stress, leads to rejection. Killing for the sake of my own life is basic human instinct, but also far too close to killing for the sake of my own pleasure for my liking. I will not toe that line again. I will not kill for my own sake.

If I am to continue forward as a warrior, then I will ensure that I will drive myself in a positive direction. Fight not for myself, but for others. If I continue further down a road of bloodshed, then I will do everything in my power to become a better person as a contrast to that.

I will become a protector. A guardian. Not by coincidence, or obligation, as it has often been in the past, but by design. By desire.

So I think about those who I have saved in the past. The family in Southtown the first day I arrived here. Donnel and Maribelle, when I faced the calm man. Donnel again, atop the walls of the Longfort. Those villagers, the day I faced a Deadlord. My fellow prisoners, that fateful night. My intentions in those incidents weren't always pure, or even good. But they did save people.

That will be what drives me, going forward. I'll fight for my fellow Shepherds, trying to make the world a better place. I'll fight for the future children, locked in a hopeless war from the day they were born. I'll fight for my family, that I might someday see them again, show them that I'm still alive and still care about them. I'll fight for Severa, so that she can live happily no matter what the future brings.

I take a deep breath, and pick up a battle axe.

I immediately feel nauseous and am forced to drop it.

"Okay, too big of a step, alright, that's fine!" I gasp, leaning heavily on the cart and waiting for the world to stop spinning.

Once I'm sure I can stand up straight without falling over I take another deep breath and reach for a sword instead. This time I manage to hold the weapon properly, though my arm still trembles.

I walk towards the training dummy, bring both hands to the hilt of the blade, and steady myself. For several minutes I focus on breathing, calming my nerves and preparing to attack. My arm stops trembling. I raise the sword, and swing.

My shoulder twinges, just as I'm about to land the blow, and I flinch back at the last second. Instead of cutting deep the sword tears a shallow path through the front of the dummy, and for the briefest of moments I swear I see a flash of crimson. Then I blink, and all I see is bits of straw flying through the air.

By all accounts it's a terrible cut, barely deep enough to be an inconvenience if I were hitting a live opponent. The amount of focus I had to put myself through to even make the attack was mentally exhausting as well, causing me to feel drained already. But as I step back and observe my work, I can't help but feel proud.

"It's a start," I state with a grin. "It's a fucking start."

I take my stance again.

* * *

 **And there we go! I hope it doesn't feel like I'm rushing things at all here, in regards to dealing with the trauma. I'm sure in real life these things take a great deal more time. I just don't really care to have Ben skip another chapter of the story. Hell, it was never my plan to have him skip this chapter of the story! It just kinda... happened.**

 **Which proved to be a good thing, as it gave me a perfect opportunity to bring Libra and Felicity into the story. Libra's conversation was one I knew needed to be brought into the story soon, but I was having trouble finding a good place to fit it. Felicity was born of a desire to draw more focus towards the world happening around the Shepherds. It's similar to how I've made a point to show how the Shepherds live their lives in relation to the castle guard and the Pegasus Knights.**

 **I hope you all enjoyed this little excursion into Ben's mental state and the start of his long journey to achieving happiness. I humbly request that you all please leave a review. I'm especially anxious as to the quality of this chapter, given that I skipped a pretty important level of the game to make it happen, and that I kept you all waiting so long for it. If I'm being honest I don't think I'll ever be able to get good at responding to all the reviews I get, but boy do I love seeing them. They're great for motivating me to write, and for brightening up my day in general.**

 **Thanks for reading, everyone!**


	24. Chapter 23

**Sorry for yet another long wait everyone. I had to delete a good 3000 words to get this chapter moving in the right direction. Omelette, eggs, you know the deal. Let's get going.**

* * *

A week later and I've come to the conclusion that Battleaxes just aren't going to be a thing for me for the foreseeable future. It's a shame, but not something I can really do anything about at this point. The trauma there is just too raw, too brutal, for me to really deal with. The healthiest thing I can do is get used to a new weapon and forge my way forward once more.

When I consulted Libra about it he seemed to agree. "Your mind seems to have twisted the axe into a symbol of everything that went wrong that night." He had said, "If you are to take your reasons for fighting in a new direction, I think it is best that you take your method of fighting in a new direction as well. Build your reason, your skills, your mind, and your body back up together. The symmetry of it, the symbolism, will bring you even greater strength."

"More spiritual stuff, huh?"

"In a way. But you cannot deny that the logic is sound."

He was right, in the end. I held out for a couple more attempts, trying my best to wield an axe properly, but there was too little progress. Flashbacks seem to be less frequent and less intense than before, but I still feel sick to my stomach every time I hold the fucking thing.

So I guess I'm changing classes. Popping a second seal, making the jump to mercenary. Or just picking up a different weapon and swinging it around instead, since this world doesn't hold itself to game logic (thank fuck). I am now a swordsman. Or a swordsman in training.

I've run drills with Frederick for swords before, so it's definitely the best thing to be using for the moment. Though some of the maces in the armory look awfully tempting…

It's not a good idea right now though. Can't think about learning a new weapon while I'm so far behind my fellow Shepherds. I'm back to being the weakest one in the group, after all. I need to get back on par with them as soon as possible.

Nobody else knows it yet, but this country is already at war. Frederick's two week deadline has come, after all. The incident at the border has had ample time to occur. If I can't hold my own by the time this thing escalates then I'm pretty well fucked.

So I keep training, studying, meditating, and improving. Progress is steady now that Libra's set me on the right track, though in many ways it's still very frustrating to deal with. Mostly because in spite of all of Libra's symmetry talk, things are pretty fucking unbalanced in my development. My body is getting pretty close to combat ready, but my brain is being a big fuckup like usual and holding me back. I still drop my sword from time to time while training, and can't seem to stop flinching right before I hit. Until I've moved past this shit I won't be able to last in a fight worth a damn.

The frustration is not a good thing at all, since I tend to vent my frustrations on inanimate objects if it gets too bad. Nearest thing that fits the bill? The dummy. I've already had one incident the other day when I tore into the fucking thing with my hands and ended up vomiting all over the fucking place because of course that gave me another fucking flashback-

I'm losing focus again.

I retake my stance, eyeing the dummy in question spitefully. It's still a bit crooked, and looking a bit deflated in the areas where I ripped the straw out. Also stained, eww fuck! Okay, I'm burning this one once I'm done killing it for the evening.

Alright, now let's just… brace ourselves. Focus. Remember what we're doing this for. And… swing.

My blade flashes forward. A perfect horizontal slice. And I manage the follow through! Yes!

My face stretches into a grin as my sword erupts from the other side of the dummy. The whole thing is barely standing, wobbling in place now that I've cut it nearly in half. "I did it!" I crow triumphantly, throwing my hands into the air.

"PEGASUS KNIGHTS SPOTTED!"

"Huh?" I whirl around at the sudden cry, trying to find the source. I see a couple of the castle guard pointing towards the setting sun, and turn to follow their gaze- the dummy collapses on me. "Oh fuck off!"

I shoulder the thing aside and squint into the horizon. It's difficult to see anything, but after a moment or two of shading my eyes against the sunlight I spot what the guards did: at least a dozen Pegasus knights, little more than tiny shadows in the sky. They're finally here.

Well… I turn and eye the dummy.

I suppose I have a little bit of time yet.

* * *

Felicity ends up scolding me for setting fires on the training grounds, stopping to give me an earful on her way to the barracks. She doesn't stay long though, bustling along with the other maids to make sure there isn't a repeat of the last time the Shepherds returned to the barracks. It seems unnecessary, considering they've been gone only a fraction of the time, and I've been keeping the kitchen clean. Still, I have to admire their dedication.

I clean up my own mess with plenty of time to spare, as the incoming Pegasus Knights are still a distant sight as I reach the gates of the castle where the guards are assembled. My initial count was definitely off; there's closer to two dozen of the riders. Though one of them looks a little… off.

"Is that a Griffon?" I squint, trying to figure out what I can from the silhouette. Short, wide body, broader wings, no visible tail… yeah, that's a Griffon, alright. Ferox did have Griffons, but I only ever saw them from afar. Hopefully I get a chance to see this one up close. My childhood fantasies come drifting to the forefront of my thoughts.

"That Griffon rider has the Exalt!" A particularly sharp-eyed guard calls out from my right, setting the crowd to muttering. Can't say I blame them, since there sure as shit wasn't a Griffon with the group when they left Ylisstol.

There's a commotion from my right as the flyers draw closer, the sound coming from a group of pompous looking asshats in silks that burst from the castle doors. "Make way, make way!" One of them, a rather round looking fellow with long limbs that makes me think of a spider, shrieks as he waves frantically at the mass of guards in front of the door. "You must allow us to pass! It is of the utmost importance that we are there to greet the Exalt upon her return personally!"

There's some disgruntled grumbling as the guards reluctantly part to let the men and women strut their way to the edge of the crowd, standing front and center as the Knights make their landing.

I look back to the group and feel a deep sense of relief. It's not just the Griffon with an extra passenger; several of the other riders have passengers of their own as well. The first faces I see jump out at me are Maribelle and Lissa, riding behind Cordelia and Sumia respectively. Wing Commander Phila is there as well, with Noire of all people riding behind her. There's Ricken, near the back, and Donnel, who falls to the ground on all fours after dismounting. And Lon'qu, with a mess of bandages across his torso that his clothing barely hides.

Actually, looking again, nobody here seems to be in very good shape. The whole group looks exhausted, right down to their Pegasus, who huff so loudly that it practically drowns out everything else. And Lon'qu is far from the only one here with an injury. Ricken's head is heavily bandaged beneath that ridiculous hat of his, Donnel has a clear limp, and most of the Pegasus Knights are similarly injured.

The only people in the crowd who show no signs of wear or fatigue are Phila, standing proudly beside her Pegasus, Cordelia, doing her best to emulate her commander's example, and the Griffon rider, who tends to a bundle strapped closely to her chest as she helps Emmeryn dismount.

"You there… Ben, was it?" I snap to attention as Phila calls over. "I need you to come tend to this one."

I jog over and Phila practically drops Noire into my arms. The girl is awake, but only barely, tottering unsteadily on her feet even as I hold her upright. "Is she alright?"

"She'll be fine. She merely pushed herself too hard." Phila gives me a soft smile. "She must have shot down at least a dozen wyverns single-handedly. Add a two day long flight after that and this is what happens."

"Damn, way to go, kiddo." I give Noire's shoulders a pat, before looking back up to Phila. "Wyverns, you said? So that means…"

"I'm afraid so." Phila replies, expression turning grim. "Now then, I must be tending to the Exalt. Please excuse me." She stalks away before I can say another word, taking Emmeryn from the Griffon rider. The Exalt looks despondent for the brief moment I see her, before seeming to find her strength and walking forward to the rest of the crowd.

The guards are silent, seeing the state of the knights and understanding what the sight must mean. Only a handful of the nobles seem to have the same grasp of the situation, the rest blustering and strutting about like peacocks as Emmeryn approaches.

"Everyone." Emmeryn's voice rings out over the crowd despite her gentle tone. "It is with a heavy heart that I must return with grave news. My mission to Plegia has been met with failure. While we managed the safe return of Lady Maribelle, it is at grave cost. The King of Plegia has… declared war upon our Halidom, despite my best efforts to maintain peace between our countries. We must stay strong now, and remember that our greatest duty now must be the protection of the Ylissean people."

It's a short speech, but evidently all she has the strength for at the moment, because she makes her way towards the castle the moment she finishes speaking. Several of the nobles attempt to stop her, but Phila scares them away. They scatter long enough for the Wing Commander to hustle Emmeryn into the castle, though several of them trail after her, desperately begging for more information.

"That was not handled well." I mutter, grimacing as the silent crowd begins to move. "They needed more from their leader than just a few short sentences."

"It's been a rough couple of days." Noire murmurs, still leaning heavily on me. "We flew straight here with as many of the injured as we could. Barely any time to rest. It's why Lady Emmeryn was with that Griffon, they can fly much better over… over long distances." She yawns loudly.

"Okay, looks like we'd better get you to bed. Come on." I glance over towards the barracks, where the other Shepherds are already heading.

"I-I really don't feel up to walking right now." Noire groans pitifully. "Carry me?"

I stare blankly down at her for a moment, before shrugging. "Eh, what the hell." I drop to one knee. "Climb on, let's go."

"Piggyback?" She asks dubiously, walking slowly behind me.

"Well I'm certainly not about to carry you all the way back to the barracks bridal-style. Would you prefer a fireman carry?"

"U-um, I don't-"

"That's the one where I drape you across my shoulders sideways."

Her arms link around my neck a moment later. I hook my arms around her legs and haul myself upright, then take a moment to readjust so her tits aren't quite so squashed against my back. This girl has ludicrous proportions for somebody who can't be any older than Severa. And those are not okay thoughts to be having about a girl ten years younger than you Ben, you creep.

"You good?" I ask my passenger as I finish shifting around.

"Uh-huh." Noire replies sleepily. "Thanks, Uncle." With how tired she is there's no way her voice carries anywhere past my ears, but I can't help but feel paranoid that she just called me that. I find myself glancing around nervously to see if anyone overheard. Cordelia gives me an odd look as she walks nearby, leading her Pegasus to the stables, but I'm pretty sure she's just wondering why I'm carrying a teenager on my back. All I can do is tilt my head in as near a shrug as I can manage, smiling helplessly. She gives me a weary smile in return, then pauses, her eyes drawn to something behind me.

I turn to follow her gaze and see the Griffon and its rider, both still standing awkwardly by the gates. Oh right, everyone kinda just ran off on them, huh? I turn back and call to Cordelia. "I'll handle it, go get some rest!" For a brief moment she looks like she wants to protest, but a nudge from her Pegasus changes her mind in a hurry. The poor thing's probably more tired than she is.

Noire grumbles as I walk away from the barracks, but after a moment she seems to decide she doesn't actually give a shit since she's not doing any work. By the time I've wandered over to the Griffon rider she's already dozing off.

The Griffon takes my attention at first, a large, proud creature that immediately fixates its gaze upon me as I approach. The head makes me think of a Golden Eagle, with beautiful russet colored feathers that flow seamlessly into chocolate colored fur.

"Oh, you are beautiful." I whisper in admiration as I stare up at the beast. It seems to understand, because it puffs out its chest and chirps proudly.

"His name is King." A soft, almost melodic voice calls out. "He was a gift from my father." The rider leans past King into view, my first chance to get a proper look at her.

She's a young girl, looking to be roughly twelve years old by her face, though she's clearly no stranger to travel. She's wearing very well worn riding leathers, dyed a deep blue, and has all sorts of pouches and bundles and bags strapped all over her body. The largest of these bundles is a mess of blankets with a sleeping toddler. Her hair is a light brown, tied back in a short ponytail. This hair color catches my attention in particular since it's a mismatch to the toddler's pale blond curls. I put that aside for now though.

"Your dad gave you a Griffon as a gift?" I look down at the kid quizzically. "Seems an odd choice for one so young."

"Well, he was intended to serve as a bodyguard of sorts." The girl shrugs. "He's looked after me for five years now, and my brother since his birth."

"Heck of a guard." I mutter, looking up at King once more, who preens at the compliment. "Man oh man, if I wasn't carrying a teenager right now I would be petting you so much."

"Perhaps next time." The girl gives me an amused smile. "I think for the time being we will need to head into town to find an inn."

"An inn?" I look down at her in disbelief.

"We've been staying in a barn near the border for the last few months, but it's too far to fly back tonight. And King is very tired from the journey here, even if he doesn't like to show it." The Griffon squawks in protest, prompting the girl to start giggling. "Pride comes before the fall, King. And when you fall it's from very high up indeed!"

"Okay, well you won't be needing an inn. Come on, I'll take you to our barracks. Plenty of extra beds."

"I wouldn't want to impose-"

"Kid, you helped save the leader of the country, you've earned free room and board at the very least." I hoist Noire further up on my back and start leading her across the field. "So tell me, what's your name?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I should have introduced myself. My name is Dahlia. My brother is Lumír."

"It's nice to meet you. My name is Ben."

"Ah, yes. I heard one of the Pegasus Knights call your name." Dahlia nods to herself. "Miss Phila. She's the one who asked me to help carry Lady Emmeryn here."

"Yeah, been meaning to ask. Why did you end up getting wrapped up in all of this?"

"Well, I don't know all the details, but I guess Lady Emmeryn was fleeing a battle? I was taking my brother for a stroll through the woods when they stumbled across us. And because they had been fighting so much already, and because Griffons are excellent long-distance fliers, Miss Phila asked that I take Lady Emmeryn home."

"Just like that?"

"There were wyverns everywhere. They were desperate. And I had a Griffon that wasn't hurt or tired." Dahlia frowns. "Though I think the Prince helped convince her, too. He thought it was a great idea."

"He would think that, wouldn't he?" I chuckle at that, before trailing off at the still sullen look on the girl's face. "What's the matter, what's wrong?"

"He's too trusting." Dahlia's pace slows, and she looks up to face me. The weight behind the look she gives me takes my breath away for a moment. "Trust is dangerous. It gets good people killed."

"That's… an odd opinion to hear from a kid your age." I reply, trying not to show how uncomfortable I am right now.

"My family trusted somebody once. Now they're dead. And I must care for my brother alone." Her tone of voice still keeps that melodic lilt to it even as she says this, but it feels vastly more disturbing. Then she perks up as though nothing happened, looking to the left. "Oh, you have an excellent stable here! I'll get King settled in."

She runs off towards said stable, leaving me standing in stunned silence in front of the barracks. Huh. Hadn't even realized we'd arrived. After a minute or two I realize she's probably going to be busy for a little while, and make my way inside. When Dahlia finds me in the kitchen later, following the scent of the stew I'm making, she's back to acting like the polite and cheerful girl she was earlier. She thanks me for the meal, grabs herself a bowl, and starts feeding Lumír.

The prospect of a hot meal eventually draws in the other Shepherds present as well, but the dinner remains an unnervingly quiet affair. Mumbled thanks and the sight of the others silently emptying their bowls are about all I get from them.

The only person with even a shred of enthusiasm is Ricken. He's eaten at the barracks before, but apparently now that he's an official member of the Shepherds he's seeing it all in a different light. The long flight clearly took its toll on him, but even if he's not babbling like usual he spins his head around as he eats, trying to take the room in as much as he can. Wait, he has a head injury, that can't be good for him…

I can't really be bothered to babysit the kid though. He'll learn soon enough.

The others head to bed quietly, hardly saying a word. It's a bit worrying, but I suppose it's reasonable, too. They've had a long flight over, a good portion of which was spent being harassed by Wyverns. Can't blame them for feeling wiped out. Dahlia and Lumír practically pass out in their seats, though the girl does manage to eat something herself before doing so. I manage to catch Felicity and a couple of the other maids at the front entrance to help her to a spare room before they go, and set about cleaning the kitchen.

By this point Noire, who I left napping in a seat in the mess hall, wakes up and finishes off the last of the stew while I do the dishes.

"You've got quite an appetite, huh?" I tease the girl as I start scrubbing out the emptied stew pot. "Guess I was right to carry you in."

"Surviving o-on only travelling rations agitates my condition." Noire sulks as she finishes her bowl. "Besides, I-I always liked it when y-you carried me."

"Did I do that sort of thing often?" I look over at her curiously. I don't get many chances to hear about what my future self was like, since the kids are all frustratingly tight-lipped.

"N-not often, no." Noire replies, heading for the sink to finish cleaning up. "But well… when you did, it was comforting."

"That right?"

"The first time you did it, it was because I was hurt. Hurt and… scared. Mom… she was in one of her moods. She'd have them sometimes after… G-grima. I thought… I was going to die. But then you came and carried me out of there. You said you would make everything better."

"…Did I?" One of these days I need to learn to stop asking questions I don't want the answer to.

Noire's face grows tense at that. "N-not everything. You helped me, because I wasn't hurt anymore, and I had you and Severa looking after me. B-but mom, she…" Noire turns back to her washing. "Y-you wanted to h-help her, too. Y-you didn't get a ch-chance, though. Mom died the next day, b-before you could do a-anything."

"…" I glare down at the inside of the stew pot. One of these days I need to fucking learn. "…Well, I'm glad I got there in time for you, at least."

Noire nods shakily, still not turning away from the sink.

"… You need a hug?"

She glues herself to me in response, so fast that it nearly knocks me off my feet. I let out a wheeze of air, but manage to recover enough to hug her back.

"I gotcha, kiddo."

* * *

The next day Emmeryn wakes early and gives a proper speech to the people of Ylisstol, calling the people together in the city square. Her heralds are sent far and wide, to alert the whole Halidom of what has happened.

It's a good speech, one that shows the absolute dedication of the woman who speaks it. Emmeryn extols the benefits of peace, and the evils of war. She damns the warmongering actions of both Gangrel and her own father. She makes it clear that she will do whatever it takes to resolve the conflict with as little bloodshed as possible. She tells the people of Ylisse that her first priority is to keep her people safe. The Halidom will not suffer in this war like it did the previous.

As nice as the speech is though, I can't help but feel that something like this would have done more if it only happened yesterday. As it stands, there's already talk amongst the guard about desertion. Not just hypothetical talk either, from what I've heard a couple are actually missing. And even the nicest speeches do little to ease the fears of the citizens. The topic of war is clearly something that weighs heavily on their minds. Which is fair enough, really. Most of the citizens here are old enough to remember the last one.

Hell, if I'd been here my whole life instead of just half a year, I'd remember it myself. And boy is that a weird thought. Like, I can't even think of a war that happened in Canada other than the one where we burned the White House down. And I don't even think Canada was its own country when that happened. Being invaded is a bit of a foreign concept to me.

Talk about First World Problems. Yeesh.

Anyways, Ylisse is all being informed now that war is a thing that's happening now. And nobody's taking it well. It's not quite panic in the streets, but… people are scared.

Hell, maybe I should be, too.

Dahlia leaves immediately after the speech, simply thanking me for the stew and flying away on King's back. Can't say I blame her. She probably doesn't want to stick around here if a war is starting, not with Lumír to care for. I'd like to do more for her, but I can't help but feel this isn't a good place for her, especially since I know an assassination attempt is due in the near future. So I trust in the giant feathery death machine to look after her and see her off, concerned but unsurprised.

What does surprise me is when I enter the barracks again and find Donnel heading out with a bag. "Whoa there, Donny. You good to be walking around? Thought you had an injury."

"Oh! Mister Benjamin, hello. I'm right as rain sir, don't you be worrying none." Donnel hops on one foot as demonstration. "Once Lissa had herself a proper night's sleep she fixed me up good as new."

"Well, that's good to hear." I give him a grin, before turning to glance at his bag. "So what's up, you heading into town?"

"Uhh…" Donnel frowns, suddenly unable to meet my eyes. "Little farther than that, I reckon. I'm going home."

"Home?" I blink in surprise. "You're… what, quitting?"

"Oh! No sir, didn't mean to imply that one bit!" Donnel shakes his head emphatically. "Just, with everything going south with Plegia, I thought… Well you know, I always considered things might start getting really dangerous for me once I joined the Shepherds, but compared to bandits a war is a whole different matter. After all that happened in Ferox I just… I need to go see my mother. I might not get another chance."

I find myself feeling immediately jealous that he has the chance. But that's a shitty thing to hold against a kid so I tamp that down just as quick.

"Right. That makes sense." I step to the side so Donnel can get to the door. "Safe travels Donny. I'll see you later."

"Absolutely! I'll be back before you know it Mister Benjamin." He gives me a bright smile and heads out, leaving me alone. I stare blankly after him, lost in thought.

"…Why are you standing about like a fool?"

I turn back to see Lon'qu, who's stopped on his way to the mess hall.

"Just saw Donnel off. He's going to see his mother before the battling continues."

"Hmm. For the best. Regrets can be a shackle as much as they can be a motivator. One cannot approach a war without a clear head."

"Yeah." I glance back to the door. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

I'm pretty much a mess of regrets though. So how am I going to handle what's coming my way?

* * *

In the end I decide to talk to Libra. As solutions go it's rapidly becoming one of my favorites. He's a man of great wisdom, after all; even when he doesn't have an answer for me he tends to recontextualize things in a way that set me on a different direction.

When I tell him this he seems quite happy.

"I'm pleased to hear you hold my advice in such high regard, Ben." Libra smiles warmly as we take our usual place near the back of the church. "Though I must confess, I am feeling no small amount of… trepidation at this."

"Yikes. Are my questions that bad?"

"Not at all. But from my discussions with you so far, and the unfortunate news of this morning, I have something of an inkling as to your troubles."

"Hmm." I frown, thinking of Emmeryn's speech earlier today. "I'd like to hear your thoughts first, if you don't mind."

"Certainly." Libra takes a moment to gather his thoughts before speaking. "If I were to guess I would say it's a matter of timing, first and foremost. You have barely begun on your long road to recovery, and yet you have already heard a call to action. The Shepherds have always been called upon to watch over the people of Ylisse, it is the purpose for which Chrom created the group. And now they shall be forced to defend them from their greatest threat yet. You will be pushed to fight soon; sooner than you realized or prepared for. And the war to come will have no shortage of moments to test your newfound resolve." He looks over at me curiously. "Tell me now, have I got the gist of it?"

I frown. "Well… no. Not at all, actually."

Libra blinks in surprise at the response, then slumps in defeat. "It would seem that you remain a difficult one for me to read. Perhaps I should refrain from making such assumptions and hear your troubles straight from your own mouth from now on."

"Eh." I shrug. "It's not like those aren't valid concerns for me to be considering, it's just… It all falls secondary to the fact that I don't understand what's coming for me."

"Well, certainly nobody can know the future, but that never seemed to be a concern for you in the past…"

"Not what I meant." I shake my head. "I'm trying to say that… I don't really know what war is. I have no real concept of it beyond books. Compared to the people of Ylisse, who have all suffered as a result of the war, my own understanding is… distant? I… feel like there's a better word, but it's not coming to me. Everything I know is all something I've heard from a different person, one who's suffered from war and its effects. War has never had a direct impact on my life."

"It sounds as though this home of yours, Canada was it? It seems as though it's truly blessed by the Gods."

"I've mentioned Canada to you before?" I look over at him in confusion.

"Once. The day we met you spoke of it. You said your family was there. I admit to feeling curious about the name, so I attempted to look it up after our conversation, but I found no records of such a place. It must be very far from here."

"More than you can possibly imagine." I frown. "That's part of why I started thinking about this, honestly. One of the other Shepherds is going to see his family before the fighting starts. And I… can't do that. And I didn't really think about doing it, either. It made it rather clear that I don't know what I'm getting myself into."

"Hmm." Libra thinks on that for a while, before nodding his head. "I could help you with this, Ben. But in this case I feel that such a thing should not be handled by me."

"You're not seriously saying I should go in unprepared, are you?" I scowl.

"Not at all. The questions you ask are ones I feel all the world should hear the answer to. If we did then we would perhaps have fewer wars to begin with. No, I simply feel that I am not the best person to talk to about this. There is one better suited to such a question than myself."

"Okay… who would that be?"

* * *

"I must say, it is a pleasure to finally be speaking to you face to face, Ben." Exalt Emmeryn says in that melodic voice of hers. "I must confess that I have had no small amount of curiosity about your situation ever since our first meeting."

I sit in a sort of rooftop garden in the castle, an honest to god greenhouse that Emmeryn seems to have turned into a home for different flowers. She also uses it to take her afternoon tea, apparently. She has a small table set up in the middle of the room, with two surprisingly simple wooden chairs. The sun shines brightly through the glass ceilings and walls, allowing the vivid colors of the different flowers to show their maximum appeal.

Apparently Libra has a lot more clout with the royal family than I knew, because he somehow arranged for me to meet with the Exalt here a mere _three days_ after our discussion. I don't know how he managed it, and I'm not sure I really want to know. That's political influence far beyond what I would expect from such a soft-spoken man.

Still, while Libra now holds a far more intimidating position in my mind, that doesn't change the fact that he has done me a great service. There's potential for a great deal of gain in this conversation.

"It's an honor to hear such a thing from you, Lady Exalt." I nod in return. "I hardly consider myself worthy of such attention."

"Please, just call me Emmeryn. I would rather not weigh our conversation with such formalities. You are a good friend of my brother's after all."

"I… wouldn't object." I nod slowly. "I'll be honest though, that's something I'm likely to struggle with. You have a much more… regal air than your siblings."

"Hmm, do you think so?" Emmeryn looks at me curiously.

"Definitely. A part of that might be first impressions though." I grin. "I met you in a throne room. I met Chrom and Lissa in a pub."

Emmeryn bursts into surprised laughter. "Yes, I can see how that might color your opinion of me. Regardless, I still would much prefer our discussion remain casual while I am in a more private setting. After all, there is nobody here to listen but Phila, and she will not hold judgement against you."

"To an extent!" Phila calls from the doorway where she keeps guard. "Cordelia's told me enough about that foul mouth of yours!"

Really? Cordelia talks about me?

…Okay that thought just now? That was just sad. Moving on!

"I'll behave." I reply.

"You had better!" Phila replies sharply, though something in her tone tells me it's all in jest. I play along, rolling my eyes at Emmeryn, who can't help but chuckle.

"I must say, I do not get nearly enough opportunities to talk to people my own age these days." Emmeryn says with a grin. "It is a refreshing change of pace from my usual conversations with the nobility."

My grin falters at this. "Well, uhh, yeah I can see how that would be tiring…"

"Oh, please do not misunderstand me." Emmeryn becomes more subdued as well. "I am well aware that you have come here with serious worries that you'd like addressed. And I promise I shall do my best to help you." She smiles again and holds up her teacup. "I will not let that stop me from enjoying some pleasant conversation while I have the opportunity though."

"And I certainly won't begrudge you that." I nod back, taking my own cup as well.

Not really a tea drinker… but if the leader of a nation offers you tea then you damn well better drink. I sniff the drink curiously. Smells… fruity. I take a tentative sip. "Wow." I've tasted something like this before. Not the tea leaves, that's unfamiliar, but there's something else there. I think for a moment on that, then take another sip. "Am I tasting… orange?"

"Yes! I'm surprised you know the flavor. Oranges, even in tea, are a luxury item in Ylisse." Emmeryn replies in delighted surprise.

"I'd noticed. I haven't tasted oranges since… I came here." I blink as I realize I'm tearing up, and start wiping at my eyes in irritation. "Aww what the hell? I don't even like orange that much!"

"I'm sorry! I hadn't thought such a thing would be upsetting to you. Perhaps I should have a different flavor brewed?" Emmeryn leans forward anxiously, as though preparing to go brew a pot this very minute.

"No. No, it's fine." I smile in spite of myself. "I've never been a fan of tea, honestly. I think the nostalgia is doing a lot for the flavor."

Emmeryn relaxes a bit in her seat, though she still looks uncertain. "If you're quite sure?"

"Positive." I take another gulp to reassure her. "It's delicious, truly."

"Very well then." Emmeryn sits back in her chair, still looking somewhat put out. "I regret to admit that I hadn't considered the extent of the difficulties you must be facing, living here now. Homesickness is something I know very little of. In these troubled times, very few people find the opportunity for travel."

"Not your fault." I sigh. "This sort of thing just… happens sometimes. And it's often the smaller things that set it off. No helping it. We all have memories of better times we'd like to visit. My past is just… further away than for most people."

"I would be inclined to disagree on that point." Emmeryn says with a sad smile.

"Yeah?"

"The past is as far away for you as it is for myself, or Phila, or anyone else in the world. No matter who you are, or where you have come from, it is always an unreachable thing."

The future children jump to my mind immediately, but I put the sarcastic thought aside and properly consider the intent behind the words instead. "Heh. Yeah, you got me there. Not so alone after all, huh?"

"No one is an island." Emmeryn's smile feels a little more genuine now. "Especially not with the company you keep."

"The Shepherds do seem to abhor isolation, yes." I grin, before memories of the previous few days come to mind. "Though they've rather abandoned that philosophy lately. I can count the number of conversations I've had with any of the Shepherds on one hand."

"I suppose that is not surprising." Emmeryn sighs. "The shadow of war hangs heavy on us all."

"Some more than others." I sigh. A part of me hoped we'd be a bit longer in getting to this discussion.

Emmeryn seems to sense my change in mood and nods along, her way of telling me she's ready to hear me out.

I decide to keep it brief. "I don't know what war is."

Emmeryn blinks in surprise. "Pardon?"

"Okay, I should probably clarify." I back track hastily, "I mean to say that I don't understand war. I have a textbook definition, sure, but I don't… _know._ I've read about it. I've known veterans of war before, and read their memoirs. I know much of the politics behind this war, but… I haven't suffered from it like your people have. I haven't experienced such a thing. I have no idea what I'm getting into here."

Emmeryn frowns at that. "And so you are speaking to me."

"Well, I'm sure you recall that was Libra's idea. But it seems like a logical choice, really." I shrug my shoulders. "You fight against the concept of war with every fibre of your being. You've seen the suffering it causes and have carried the weight of it. Who better to ask?"

"There are a great many people more qualified to speak on the subject than I am." Emmeryn replies sadly, "I was ten years old when the war ended. Far too young to understand it myself. All I can tell you is what little I saw. The starving people. The broken families. The resentment and hate that has persisted even now. Understand this Ben, for all that I have spoken out against the evils of war I learned more about it in the past week than in all my years as Exalt prior."

"What have you learned, then?"

"The chaos of it. The fear. The horrible anticipation as life as you know it ceases to be. Across my nation my people are suddenly being drafted once more into battle. Fields are being left for children and the elderly to tend to alone. Blacksmiths put aside the tools of farmers and craftsmen and forge spears instead. Already my vision for the future is being replaced. No more do I see prosperity and healing. Instead I am haunted by thoughts of blood and steel and fire. I am forced to recall the mass graves dug in the wake of my father's war, and wonder if such a thing shall be necessary again. I remember the men forced to live the rest of their lives with missing limbs, or eyes; to carry scars that never leave them. I must watch my fellow nobles, as they prepare so callously for this war, with no thought as to how it may be avoided, only how it can be won. I must wait as our new deal with Regna Ferox is put to the test so soon after its creation, and our negotiations drive our country to even more dire straits!" She practically jumps to her feet in front of me with a frantic air, eyes wide with barely suppressed emotion. "Do you see, Ben? We have been at war for little more than a week and already my country suffers!"

"I… think I'm starting to." I gulp nervously.

Silence suddenly stretches between us. I suddenly wonder if I said the wrong thing. Still, this dread I feel as Emmeryn tells me all of this, surely it's related to that same dread that the rest of Ylisse feels!

Emmeryn looks me in the eye and seems to see right through me. "But that's just it," she replies softly, visibly deflating. "You don't understand. How can you? I am in the unique experience of seeing the full scale of the damage this war could cause us, and even I do not truly understand. I… wish I could help you understand. I truly do. It's not right, that you, and so many others, are being drawn into this situation without knowing. But war is something that can't be explained, not truly. Not in a way that can be understood by those who haven't seen it. All I can say about war is that… it is an evil thing. A truly evil thing. And that is why I continue to act in the hope that it might be stopped before all is lost."

But at what cost, Emmeryn? At what cost? I sigh sadly, knowing and now seeing full well just how deep her aversion to war is. Remembering what it will cost her.

"You do not believe in my cause?" Emmeryn asks, misinterpreting my sigh as something born of a lack of hope.

"I… don't know well enough to say." I reply, understanding full well I haven't been given the context to say anything of how I know this war will go. "I've said already that I know little of war. But if there's one thing I do know… it's that violence is a far easier thing to achieve than peace."

It's such an easy thing to respond to act with violence. I know that better than most now. It was pure selfish weakness that put me in my current situation, after all. I have killed because I wasn't strong enough to do otherwise, be it physical strength or mental.

Emmeryn juts her chin at me defiantly. "Perhaps in the short term. But I've seen enough to know that such a path leads only to greater difficulty in the long term. And I think you've seen that as well."

I raise my hand to my head, running my fingers along the scar hidden there. I think back on the mess of twisted flesh beneath my shirt, the sight of the countless scars across my body as clear in my mind as if I was still looking at them in the mirror. "Yeah. I guess I have." I sigh.

"Then you understand that this must be stopped." Emmeryn smiles, looking oddly relieved at my response. "You know that there is nothing to be gained here."

"I… yeah." I look up at her questioningly. "You're going somewhere with this."

"Chrom. I want you to look out for him. Keep him from going astray."

"What?" I blink in surprise. "You think… well, what the heck do you think?"

"I love my brother dearly, and I know him to be a good person." Emmeryn replies. "But he is young still. And reckless. He barely remembers his father, but seeing him when I spoke to Gangrel, seeing the rage that filled him… The similarities were greater than I would like to admit."

"You think he's going to go the way your dad did? Start committing genocide or something?"

"He would never go that far!" Emmeryn protests vehemently, but that defiance doesn't last long before she grows nervous once more. "Still, I can't help but worry. When I think of my father, I often remember the way he'd boast of his achievements in the war as he'd sweep my brother into his arms. A part of me worries that he might remember that on some level. That my father's hate could have influenced him. He was so young at the time…"

"Don't worry." I give her a reassuring smile. "Your brother may have memories of that time, but he has many years more of your influence to recall. He's a good man. The best I know, really. Just because he's still a bit of a hotheaded teenager doesn't mean he's going to lose that."

Emmeryn chuckles, looking much more relieved. "Yes, I suppose he is at that age. You're right. I'm overreacting."

"You're just looking out for your baby brother." I grin. "I've got a younger sister, I know what that's like. Granted, all I really needed to worry about with her was when she started bringing boys and girls home to meet the family."

"Ah, I'm familiar with that feeling as well." Emmeryn replies with a grin. "Though once I met Sumia that ended rather quickly."

"Same for me." I nod along. "I worried at first, but when I found out my sister was dating a girl with a good head on her shoulders I… well honestly I started worrying about the girlfriend instead. My sister can be a handful!"

"As the sister of Chrom, I understand completely." Emmeryn nods sagely.

We share a good laugh at that, Phila even laughing along from the doorway. But just as we're about to return to our tea and steer the conversation back towards more pleasant topics, a noise comes from the hallway. Feet pounding, armor clanking… it's one of the castle guard, who rushes at us so frantically he almost bowls right past Phila… almost.

"My Lady Exalt!" The guard shouts in excitement even as Phila is twisting his arm behind his back. "My Lady, Lord Chrom has returned to Ylisstol! He should be climbing the hill as we speak!"

"I see." Emmeryn nods. "Thank you for telling me, Theo. Let him be Phila, we must be going now."

"As you wish, milady." Phila spins the man about and sends him running back down the hall. "Mind yourself in the future Theo, or I'll be forced to tell Frederick about your conduct!"

"He's very excitable." Emmeryn says fondly as she watches him leave, "But he does mean well. Now then, I suppose that means we should be going."

"I suppose so." I frown at her tone. "I would have thought you'd be more excited about Chrom returning."

"It's wonderful to hear he has returned, but… well perhaps this is another of those things that cannot be truly explained." Emmeryn lets out a long sigh, then composes herself and leaves the room, addressing me one last time as she goes, "I pray we'll have a chance to speak again, Ben. I did quite enjoy talking to you."

"Uhh… yeah. Likewise." I blink uneasily, worried about the mood shift.

"You should come along, Ben." Phila calls from the door. "But be warned. This will be no happy reunion. If you wished to learn of war, then this could be considered your first lesson."

* * *

The Shepherds made it out alive. Every single one of them. After the ominous way Phila and Emmeryn were acting I find myself strangely relieved, in spite of believing full well that they'd be fine. Only the most capable fighters were left behind after all; everyone who was injured or unable to fight was sent back early, with a few additions such as Phila or Sumia, who were given a sort of VIP treatment.

That said, despite them all surviving, the mood amongst the group…

It's universally negative, that much is easy to tell. Emotions are a broad spectrum across the group though. Anger in Vaike, Sully, and Chrom. Sadness in Stahl and Kellam. Regret in Robin. Resignation in Frederick.

I stand uneasily behind Emmeryn and Phila, looking out over the group. To my left I can see the other Shepherds doing the same. Nobody here looks to be in good shape. Wounds everywhere, feet dragging from exhaustion, dark circles under the eyes from lack of sleep. They crest the hill one by one, marching slowly towards us.

Behind the Shepherds are the rest of the Pegasus Knights. They were the bulk of the armed force brought on this journey, and therefore faced the worst of the fighting, being the only ones suited to fighting the Plegian Wyvern Riders. When they left Ylisstol they were a hundred strong.

Little more than half of that number remains. And of those that still live to climb the hill, all are too weary to fly, many no longer have a Pegasus to ride, and most of them are being crowded by healers. The church of Naga must have emptied itself of clerics as the procession passed.

As more and more injured knights crest the edge of the hill and appear before the castle, Chrom comes to a stop in front of us. The other Shepherds stop right behind him. There's a brief pause, as everyone stills, with the exception of the healers.

Then my daughter suddenly pushes her way out of the crowd and runs into my arms, upset enough that she doesn't seem to care who notices. Quite frankly, I'm relieved enough to see her in one piece that I don't give a rat's ass who's looking either.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" I hold her close and murmur into her ear.

"I'm okay. I'm okay." She whimpers back. An obvious lie, but one I'll choose to believe for the moment. She's not so oblivious that she'll talk about her troubles here.

From there it's as if a dam breaks. All around me the two groups rush forward to meet each other. The rest of the Shepherds basically collide into one big group hug, with the exception of Chrom, Robin and Frederick. I see Cordelia and the other Pegasus Knights from the initial retreat run to their peers. Emmeryn ignores propriety and rushes forward to hug her brother, Lissa rushing over to join shortly after. Several of the Pegasus knights move to greet friends and significant others amongst the castle guard. Robin moves to address Phila, head hanging low.

In spite of all of this things remain almost eerily quiet, nobody raising their voice above a murmur. The returning group is exhausted, to the point where those of us rested still feel it just by sharing in their presence. We hold those close to us, whisper of our relief, and mutter prayers in thanks for sparing the ones we love.

And then the grieving begins.

It's an equally quiet thing to the greetings at first. A story told in sobbing whispers, and in searching eyes that don't find the person they're looking for. In cries of denial. In shouts of rage. In sobbing apologies. As the realization sets in for more and more people, as the weight of giving tragic news becomes too much to bear, the sound only grows in intensity.

If relief was a whisper, then sorrow is a cacophony.

After a while, Severa separates from me, going to find Noire instead. I approach the others slowly, just managing to catch some of what's being said.

"-just wouldn't stop!" Chrom hisses in fury. "Even after we'd beaten them, they just kept coming! Injured, dying, it didn't matter, they wouldn't stop until every last goddamn one of them was dead! They were more mindless in their rage than the damn Risen, the monsters! Plegian bastards!" Emmeryn immediately begins scolding him for the words, but even I can tell she has trouble putting her heart into it. The devastation weighs as heavily on her as anybody.

After what I've seen today, I'm inclined to believe she feels that weight more than those that remained to fight.

Frederick gives me a tired look from his position at Chrom's side. To my surprise a sad smile appears on his face, if only for a moment. "You look better than before, Ben. I'm glad."

"I feel better." I attempt a half grin of my own, but only manage to look pained instead. "A little bit at least."

"That's good." Frederick sighs. "That's very good. You'll be back to perfect condition in no time, I'm sure."

"I'm glad to hear you say that." I reply, looking out at the mass of people. "Because if you want me to stay home while you all face something like this again? Without me? You're going to have to kill me."

I turn back to him defiantly, and he gives me a sad look in return. "I can't say I'm surprised to hear such from you. No, you will not be left behind again. I fear none of us will know peace for quite some time now."

* * *

 **Real talk: the urge to write 'Let's get cracking' at the end of that first Author's note was off the fucking charts.**

 **I feel like poor Emmeryn doesn't get nearly enough of an opportunity to shine in most stories, so I hope I did her justice here. The pressure of war sits more heavily upon her than any other, and I wanted to show that. Interestingly enough it's a complete divergence from my original plan for her, which was a lot more critical. A part of me is sad I never got to go through with it, because I had a pretty fun speech planned for Ben to give, but I think Emmeryn's speech on the evils of war holds a lot more power than the original plan would have.**

 **I'm aiming to get the next chapter out before the story hits the one year mark next month. Well, ideally it will happen much sooner than that, but my other hobbies and work take up a lot of my time and energy these days. In the meantime, I invite you as always to leave a review. It always brightens my day to see you guys showing appreciation for the story.**

 **Next time: Ben goes shopping! Also chapter 6 happens, I guess.**


	25. Chapter 24

**Hey all! New chapter is here, with only a couple of weeks to go until this story's a year old! As celebration I offer you: a chapter about shopping!**

 **Hey wait, where are you going-**

* * *

With Chrom and the rest of the Shepherds back in Ylisstol things seem to have returned to normal. Far more so than I initially expected. The heavy atmosphere that lingered around the barracks in the Prince's absence has lifted with his safe return. And while things are far from carefree, I do find myself feeling more peaceful.

It's a revelation that brings to mind Frederick's grim words, almost two months ago, and I can't help but chuckle at the thought. He was so sure that peace would be a distant memory at this point, but in his exhaustion he failed to consider one thing.

It's still winter.

As anyone from my home world who's heard of a little country by the name of motherfucking Russia will attest to, climate can be a critical factor in warfare. The previous Exalt's invasion of Plegia was unable to do lasting damage to the country's economy because they were all but stopped when they tried to drive their way into the desert, preventing them from reaching the country's most valuable territory. And now in a mirror to that Plegia has been unable to take any ground in Ylisse due to their inability to deal with the cold weather.

Winter in Ylisse is nothing compared to those of Regna Ferox, but when your country is primarily covered in sweltering deserts and wastelands the difference is unbearable. It's not particularly dangerous for the Plegian people, but it slows their Wyverns down considerably and destroys the morale of everyone else.

The Plegian army did attempt to launch an invasion not long after Chrom and his forces returned to Ylisstol, but it simply didn't get anywhere. Their casualties were few, but they were completely unable to secure a foothold, and were forced to retreat. After only a few weeks they returned to Plegia to lick their wounds and wait for Ylisse to thaw.

From what I've heard this was an expected outcome from both sides. Gangrel was swift to call for a retreat when it became clear that his soldiers weren't able to overcome the icy conditions, and is using the failure as fuel to stoke the tempers of his people. Meanwhile Ylisse is using this opportunity to build its far smaller army.

They need far more time than this of course. Emmeryn has heavily neglected the military in her time as Exalt, focusing instead on rebuilding the infrastructure and agriculture of the nation. Not really a decision I can say I fault her for… but boy could Ylisse use a stronger army right about now.

The snow is already beginning to melt, after all. Within the next couple of weeks spring will come to Ylisse. And with it, death will follow. The Plegian army will descend upon us in a frenzy, and Ylisse will struggle with all its might to endure it. And I will join them.

Until that day comes though, I am making the most of my time. My daily routine has stayed more or less the same as it was during my time alone, but some improvements have been made. Frederick has been helping me gradually update my exercises as I continue to recover, and has also helped me in my new focus on swordplay. Thanks to this I have my evenings free once more, giving me some much needed relaxation to balance out the extremes to which I've been driving myself.

Today is a rather extreme example of this, an honest to God day off, which happens far too rarely for me these days. Lissa's been pushing for me to take one lately, though her original plan was to slack off with me all day. Didn't pan out that way unfortunately, due to Maribelle needing her for something today, so I'm forced to come up with a new plan.

So far that's consisted of lounging around the common room, doodling in my sketchbook, which is a fine way to kill an hour or two, but not something I want to do all day.

"Maybe I should do some shopping?" I muse, staring blankly at the Griffon that's taking shape on my page. "I could use some new clothes… and probably another sketchbook…" The one I'm using is starting to run out of space.

A conversation I had with Miriel the other day comes to mind, and ends up sealing the deal for me. "Alright, guess I'm heading to town."

Of course if I am going to head to the market there is a problem I'll need to overcome. For all the travelling I do as a member of the Shepherds, I'm really not the adventurous type. I've always been the sort of person to settle into a routine and stick to it. For much of the time I've spent in Ylisstol, I've stayed in the vicinity of the barracks. The training grounds, library, and more recently the church are the only places I tend to visit outside of my new home.

This all means that trips into the city are something I try to avoid. It makes me something of an anomaly amongst the Shepherds in a way, as most venture down there on a regular basis. I prefer sitting quietly or training to a crowded marketplace any day. So when the rare time comes that I am drawn down the hill into that mess of people, I prefer to bring a guide.

Severa is probably the first that comes to mind, but more because of what a terrible option she is. For all that she likes to haggle now, she still has a tendency to get carried away while shopping. I went shopping with her once in Ferox, and she kept me busy for damn near eight hours arguing with every merchant in Gelida Dominus. And then tried to guilt me into paying for it all. Never again.

Luckily for me, there are plenty of other options amongst the Shepherds who can help me without quintupling my shopping time. Sumia, for instance, is always willing to lend a hand, and has helped make more than one shopping trip fly by in no time. She likes window shopping, but seems to be able to tell when I'm nearing my limit and finish up accordingly (A skill she claims to have learned from her dates with Chrom). She also has an innate sense for finding the best bakeries in whatever city or town that she's in, an extremely valuable ability by any metric.

Whenever I decide to go to town Sumia's usually my first choice for guide, and this time is no different. So after a minute or two of looking around I manage to catch her at the entrance of the barracks. "Hey Sumia, was just looking for you. You busy today?"

"Oh, Ben! Hello there." She beams at me as she buttons up her coat. "Yes actually, I was just on my way to see Chrom. Was there something you needed?"

"Ah, damn." I sigh, shrugging my shoulders. "Was going to ask if you could play navigator on another shopping trip. I wanted to pick up a few things in town."

"Oh, I'm afraid today just isn't a good day for that sort of thing, I'm sorry!" She bows her head in apology.

"No worries, no worries." I shrug. "I wouldn't want to interrupt you two. Lord knows Chrom's hardly had a day off lately. I'll just ask Virion. Have fun."

I start to wander back towards the rooms when Sumia calls out to me. "Wait just a moment Ben!"

I turn back and see Sumia's got an expression of deep thought. "What was it you needed to get?"

I tell her and her expression shifts, her innocent smile somewhat contrasted by a gleam in her eye. "I think I have the perfect guide for you!" 

* * *

"I'm drawing a lot of less than pleasant looks right now, Sumia." I grumble, keeping my gaze directed at the floor.

"Oh I'm sure you're just imagining things." Sumia waves my worries away as she leads me down the hall.

"I really don't think I am."

"He's really not!" A voice chimes in from behind me, followed by scattered laughter. Sumia carries on as though the speaker doesn't exist. I'm forced to follow closely at the risk of being even more out of place.

"I promise you have nothing to worry about Ben, we'll be out of here in just a moment." Sumia strolls nonchalantly up to one of the doors and places her hand on the handle, only to pause for a moment. "You should probably turn away for a moment, just in case."

"Damnit woman." I sigh half-heartedly and turn back down the hallway, "You're doing this just to mess with me, aren't you?"

"Hello, is everyone decent?" Sumia ignores me and barges in. She spares a brief glance back at me to give a quick "All clear!" before turning back. "Good morning!"

"Hello Sumia," Cordelia replies, jumping out of her bunk and stepping forward, only to pause when she sees me awkwardly shuffle into the doorway. "And… Ben? What brings you two here? I thought you were spending time with Chrom today."

I tune out for a moment as I look around the room. Pegasus knight quarters are kinda shit compared to what I get as a Shepherd. Six people to a room, each crammed in a small bunk with only a simple chest for personal belongings. Considering the majority of the Pegasus Knights are the daughters of wealthy families I honestly expected them to have more comfortable accommodations.

Huh, Sumia's still talking, I'd better start listening again. "- completely forgot I was supposed to help him!" She's really playing it up, clasping her hands and pleading with a look of desperation. "If you took my place you'd be doing me a huge favor!"

I struggle to keep the bemused smirk off of my face at that one. Same line she used to convince me to come in here and go along with her plan. Though in my case the favor is far more genuine.

Apparently Cordelia has been shutting herself off more and more since everyone returned from the battle at the border. Despite Sumia's best efforts she can't get her friend to open up about it, so she's just trying to be supportive any other way she can think of. In this case that means using my shopping trip as an excuse to get Cordelia outside for something other than training.

Of course with how gung-ho Sumia can be, it looks like Cordelia's getting suspicious. She turns her gaze to me, a silent challenge to back up Sumia's claim, and I step up to act the part. "It's not exactly a lengthy shopping list, but I don't know my way around Ylisstol at all. I'd get lost in an instant." I scratch the back of my head and chuckle sheepishly. "If you could help me out it'd make my day a lot easier."

Cordelia nods slowly at that, a gesture of understanding rather than approval, and turns to look back at her bed. I follow her gaze and see a small harp sitting there. Guess she was planning on practising today. In the end though she seems to decide against it, nodding more firmly. "I'd be happy to help, Ben. Allow me a few minutes to get ready and we can be on our way."

"Thank you kindly." I grin, turning back to the door. "I'll just wait out in the hall."

Sumia's response is much more exuberant, an enthusiastic hug that seems energetic enough to threaten to knock Cordelia off balance. "Thank you so much, Cordelia! I swear I'll make it up to you!"

"It's fine Sumia, really!" Cordelia breaks into her first real smile of the conversation. "It's really no trouble at all."

"Well thank you all the same." Sumia releases her hold on Cordelia and follows me out into the hall. "Alright, I shouldn't keep Chrom waiting any longer. You two have fun! Goodbye!" She runs back the way we came, back to the entrance of the Pegasus Knight Quarters. Which leaves me now alone in the presence of no less than fifty women who are both capable of kicking my ass and unappreciative of an uninvited male presence so deep in the heart of their private living space.

And now they're back to giving me those weird looks again. I grimace and fix my gaze back on the floor, resigning myself to an extended period of time spent fidgeting uncomfortably until Cordelia is ready.

When she emerges from her room several awkward minutes later she's swapped out the red tunic I usually see her wearing for a shorter navy one and well-fitting breeches. She shoulders a haversack and gives me a smile. "Sorry to keep you waiting. Shall we be… you're staring."

"Uh!" I look aside hurriedly. "Sorry. Just… first time seeing you in something other than your training gear. It's, uhh, you look… nice. I mean! Well." I clap a palm to my face. "Well I'm about to die of embarrassment. Guess the trip is off."

"Oh hush." Cordelia replies, laughter in her voice. "I'm sure you'll be just fine. Are you ready?"

"…Yeah." I lower my hand and sigh. "Yeah, I don't need my dignity to go shopping anyways. By your lead, Lady Knight."

The trip down the hill to Ylisstol is mostly spent in silence, though what sort of silence is probably a matter of opinion. I'm still kicking myself over gaping like an idiot for much of the walk, but Cordelia seems entirely unbothered by it. A part of me knows it's really not a big deal, but the idea of acting an idiot in front of this girl is irritating to me. Probably because I know that's probably the sort of unwelcome attention she probably gets on a daily basis.

"So, you never did tell me what you were hoping to buy." Cordelia remarks as we near the main road through town. "Where am I leading us today?"

"Oh, right." I blink in surprise as the question derails my train of thought (which is probably for the best). "Uhh, well let's see. I need some new socks, wore through quite a few up in Ferox with all the marching we did. I'm running low on art supplies, need some new pencils and a sketchbook. Uhh, and then…" I pause to check my coin purse.

I've been using the same purse for months now, the same one I picked up off the calm bandit down in Donnel's hometown. It was one of the few things that survived Ferox without difficulty, mostly because it stayed safe on the cart while I was swimming in the river. And because I've managed to keep my funds safe to this point, and because being a Shepherd pays pretty well on top of providing for my basic needs, and because I have a certain habit of plundering gold from dead bandits… I'm pretty loaded at this point.

And by the end of the day I won't be. "I want to get armor and a spellbook." I look back up at Cordelia and am rewarded by seeing her nearly drop her bag in surprise. "Yeah, I've been saving up for a while now." I say, laughing at the shocked look she's giving me.

"Evidently!" Cordelia replies, walking over and eying my coin purse. "What sort of armor are you looking to buy?"

"Greaves. Plus something for my feet that I can put on over these." I gesture down at my steel toed boots. "Though that's going to have to be some sort of custom order, obviously. Well I suppose it's all going to be custom ordered, isn't it? I'm definitely on the tall side by local standards."

"Hmm…" Cordelia sizes me up for a brief moment. "You are, but not absurdly so. It's not like you're Frederick's size. I think we can find some greaves already made that will fit without too much difficulty. As for your shoes… Goodness, those are unusual, aren't they?"

"Definitely the most unusual clothing I own by this world's standards." I reply. "Very effective though. Waterproof soles, excellent traction, reinforced toe. Hard to believe they were falling apart a few months ago. The cobbler Severa found did a hell of a job fixing them considering he's probably never seen anything like this before."

Cordelia gives me an odd look, before returning to her usual focus. "Hmm. So you're looking for something we can strap on over it without sacrificing flexibility. Easy enough." She gives me a pleased smile. "I can see why Sumia asked me to help you. I must confess, when she first asked I was worried it was just her usual fussing."

"I mean, that's definitely part of it." I shrug. "She's worried. About both of us, I imagine, though for entirely different reasons. It's not a bad thing."

"No, certainly not!" Cordelia shakes her head vehemently. "It's one of her most admirable qualities. I just…"

"You don't want to be a bother?"

"Exactly." She smiles, relieved to see that I understand. "I wouldn't want for anyone to go out of their way on my account. If she was just inventing a reason to get me out and about it would feel like I was wasting your time."

"Nothing to worry about there." I wave my hand dismissively. "I went to her for help on a whim, and she found somebody who could do the job."

"Ah, so you admit her story about forgetting her promise was a white lie then!"

I blink in surprise, and give her a sheepish grin. "Damn, you caught me."

"You're making it quite easy today." Cordelia tilts her head curiously. "It's normally much more difficult to determine what you're thinking. For example, you said earlier that your clothing is odd by _this world's_ standards?"

Okay, that one really did catch me off guard. I pause, thinking back over the conversation. "Uhh, did I?"

"When you spoke of your shoes, yes. It was a rather unusual way of phrasing things."

"Huh… I guess I did." I blink in surprise. "Well I guess it's not like that's really a secret. I'm from the Outrealm Gate. Totally different dimension."

Whatever Cordelia was expecting, it clearly wasn't that. She stares blankly at me for a moment before recovering and suddenly looking a bit cross. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't make fun of me, Ben."

"…I'm not, though." I frown, taken aback by the reaction.

"The Outrealm Gate isn't real. It's the subject of fairy tales. Or do you expect me to believe that you came here by jumping out of a children's storybook?"

Come to think of it, I suppose this is the normal reaction, isn't it? It's not really the sort of thing a person just believes. "Either Frederick was really holding back on me or Chrom's rubbing off on him more than he realizes…" I muse.

"You've told this story to Frederick?" Cordelia blinks in shock.

"Yeah. He believed it, too. I mean, he went through all my stuff behind my back to figure out if I'm lying, but he seems to be convinced now. Probably." I scratch at the back of my head. "You can ask him or Sumia later if you want confirmation, I guess. They'd only be able to tell you what I told them, though."

A brief part of me considers bringing up Anna, but with all the fuss she makes about her family secrets I figure I'd better not. If I piss her off she might tell her family to call off… whatever the fuck they're doing to figure out my situation. Geez, I should really follow up with her soon.

Cordelia seems to still be wrapping her head around what I've told her, so I wave my hand to get her attention. "Hey, sorry if this is a bit overwhelming, okay? I know it's a weird situation, believe me. I'm getting the worst of that by far."

"I suppose you would be." Cordelia muses. "I assume this is what you meant that time you said your family situation was complicated?"

"I-wait, you seriously remember that? Okay, never mind. Yeah, that's what I meant."

"I… don't talk to people outside of the Pegasus Knights often." Cordelia replies, blushing a bit. "I have so few conversations that aren't related to my instructions or… or hazing rituals… I tend to remember them."

Pegasus Knight training is just High School. It's official. This poor girl. "Well, I'm honored." I smile gratefully. "That said, I'd appreciate if this conversation stays strictly relegated to your memories for the time being outside of the Shepherds. It's not… really a secret for me, but the questions I get on the subject have worn me down after a while. I remember when Donnel found out he wouldn't stop asking me crazy questions for days."

"Donnel is the boy with the sharp eyes and the… interesting taste in headgear, right?"

"Yeah." I sigh. "I'm trying to talk him into getting a proper helmet, but he's weirdly attached to that thing. Not that I'm in a position to judge him, I don't wear a proper helmet either."

"I find they restrict my vision too much." Cordelia nods. "Having a wide field of view is very useful, especially when in the air."

"Makes sense." I nod along. "Though I'd imagine the wind would be a problem…"

"Not for a Pegasus Knight." Cordelia grins proudly, while very pointedly not explaining the reason for that. Guess I'm just going to have to wait in suspense then. Annoying. Times like these I wish I could just Google the answer to everything like I could back in my world.

Then again, if I could do that, I would have just looked up a map instead of getting a guide wouldn't I? And then I'd be wandering around on my own instead of spending time with a beautiful woman.

You know what, the information age can kiss my ass. Because this right here? This is nice. 

* * *

Cordelia proves to be a brilliant guide as we make our way through town. Her tendency to excel in all things seems to extend to both navigating a busy shopping center and knowing where all the best quality work can be done. The first armorer she brings me to gets me set up with some excellent quality greaves, and shows me enough high quality footwear to convince me to pay for a custom job.

She also thinks of things I didn't even know I needed to save me some trouble down the line. At the clothing store she brings me to I find myself modelling tighter fitting pants, since the jeans I wear won't be even remotely comfortable when I'm trying to strap armor on over them.

The magic book is what really surprised me though. It turns out that multiclassing, so to speak, is not just an option for the Shepherds. Cordelia, despite training solely to become a Pegasus Knight, is already versed in use of magic.

"I'm sure you noticed that most of the Pegasus Knights are from noble families." Cordelia explains as she closely inspects a tome. "Being versed in magic is something of a status symbol in Ylisse, a sign of far more in-depth and expensive education than the average citizen. I've never taken to it as well as my physical training, but I was taught a great deal about it as a child. And I would hate to let such a skill go to waste, so I keep up practise in the basics."

"Impressive." I comment, looking over a selection of books that already have spell circles inscribed.

"Hardly. I'm nowhere near the level of the likes of Miriel. Or even that student of hers, Ricken. And my healing magic is utter rubbish." She looks over to me and hums as she looks at the books that caught my interest. "Thinking of buying something ready-made, are you?"

"Not particularly." I pull a face as I examine the spell circles. "A lot of these are only really useful to people like Miriel who are dedicated solely to the study of magic. I wouldn't have use for most of these spells. Not to mention they're all specialized to a specific branch."

"With the amount of study necessary to use magic, I think most tend to find specialization easier." Cordelia shrugs. "Though I hardly know enough to say for sure why that is."

"I suppose if nothing else it's easier to keep organized." I shelf the book and grab a blank one from the table Cordelia's inspecting. "These look alright, yeah?"

"I believe so. They're not exceptional quality, but for a beginner's spellbook that's to be expected. And it's just affordable for what you have left." She pauses for a moment and sighs. "Ah, but then you won't have enough for those art supplies. Hold on, I'll keep looking."

"Nah, it's fine." I shrug, heading for the counter and getting my money ready. "I like drawing, but with all the training I've had to do lately I rarely have time for it. Besides, this is a much better use of my money. Miriel's been hinting that she wants me to resume practical training for weeks now."

"What happened to put your training on pause?"

"Eh, lost my spellbook in a river." I shoot a grin at the suddenly scandalized shopkeeper as she pauses in counting up my money. "Cheers, mate."

"That's… quite a waste." Cordelia replies in bemusement.

"Yeah, well, I didn't have much choice in the matter. A bridge collapsed." I wait for the woman to finish counting coins and give her a nod in thanks, then grab the book and head out. But when I pause to hold the door for Cordelia, I see that she hasn't moved from the table. "You coming?"

She jumps in surprise, and rushes after me. "Sorry! Sorry, thank you." As soon as we've emerged onto the street again she seems to space out again, weaving her way in and out of the crowds with a faraway look in her eye.

It annoys me to no end that she proves capable of navigating the crowds better than me even while not paying attention, because it means I have to get rougher just to keep up with her. My frame's not exactly suited to slipping past people, so I push them aside instead. "Cordelia! Oi, Cordelia!"

Finally I reach her and manage to catch her by the shoulder, only to make a hasty retreat as she attempts some sort of judo thing on me that only fails because of Frederick's training. "Holy shit, was it something I said?"

Cordelia frowns as she sees me. "Ben, if you want to ask me something then please just ask me. I don't appreciate being grabbed like that."

I gape at her for a moment. "Cordelia, you weren't listening to me. At all. Hell, for a moment there it looked like you were trying to run away from me, I could barely keep up with you!"

"O-Oh." Cordelia blinks in surprise. "I'm sorry Ben, that wasn't my intention."

"Okay, well I'm glad to know I haven't pissed you off or anything." I lead the way over to a side road so we can talk without so many people swarming around. "So what's eating you?"

"I'd rather not say."

"Alright, normally I'd be all for respecting your wishes on that front. Only thing is, I'm clearly involved with whatever just happened. I doubt you shut down mid conversation because of the price of spellbooks."

Cordelia glares at me. "I really would appreciate if you dropped it."

"I'm sure you would." I nod with confidence I don't at all feel. For some reason I just can't help but try my luck right now. "But the thing is, if I drop it now, you'll have time to recover from whatever just happened, and then I'll never hear it again. Which wouldn't be a problem normally, except, like I said: I'm involved. So I want to know."

For the briefest of moments I feel like Cordelia's probably about to deck me, but her scowl slips into a resigned sigh instead. "I suppose you have that right." She says, grimacing. "You're going to think it's foolish, though."

"If it's a stupid thing to worry about, all the better to just talk it out now and settle things, right?"

"I suppose so." Cordelia says, still frowning at me. "You mentioned a collapsing bridge earlier. Would I be correct in assuming this happened in Ferox?"

"Uhh, yeah actually." I nod.

"And that's what led to everything else that happened." Cordelia nods along, continuing before I can really register what she just said. "Sumia's mentioned bits and pieces of it over the past few months."

"I… yeah." I blink in shock. "So… so you know, about-"

"I know about the slavers, at least as far as being aware that you were captured by them." Cordelia shuffles uncomfortably. "Sumia seemed to think you'd told me after our last discussion, so she let it slip. I didn't know how to stop her. No, I deliberately chose not to. I was… curious."

I try to suppress the sudden feeling of outrage that starts burning a hole in the pit of my gut, but I can tell the effort is a complete failure. My fists are clenching, my teeth gritting. "You figure it all out then? You satisfied your curiosity?"

Cordelia freezes at the tone in my voice. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have pried. I just-"

"Don't." I snap. "Don't say another word. Just. Wait." I turn away for a moment and take several long breaths. It's not her fault. This all happened because I shut down on her that time. I can't hold it against her for wanting to know why. Same goes for Sumia. She made an honest mistake. And after all that girl does for me I'd have to be an ass to hold it against her. Just…

"Uuuugh." I groan, knowing full well that this anger isn't healthy and struggling to let go of it. They both meant the best, I'm sure of it. They're wonderful people who would never deliberately harm me. They're just worried. And that's… frustrating, but not a bad thing.

"…Ben?" Cordelia's voice calls out tentatively, and I realize I've been keeping her in suspense for several minutes now.

"Right." I turn back to Cordelia and grimace at the expression on her face. She's not a crier like Sumia, but her worry is no less apparent, the apprehension twisting its way across her features. "Shit. Okay, I know that looked bad but I'm not mad, okay?" Her nervousness quickly makes way for a 'cut the bullshit' look and I hastily amend my statement. "Okay, I'm mad, but I'll get over it. I can't blame you for wanting to know, just… next time ask me first, alright?"

"I didn't think I should." Cordelia blinks in surprise. "I thought, after how I approached the subject last time…"

"Cordelia, you didn't even know there was a 'subject' last time." I stare blankly at her. "Are you seriously still kicking yourself over that comment you made about my weight?"

Cordelia goes pink and I shake my head in disbelief. "Well, you were right in the end. Now that we've arrived at the root of the issue I do think it's pretty goddamn stupid. All that fussing around catching bits and pieces of a story and kicking yourself over it because of something I told you not to feel bad about!"

"When you put it like that…"

"Yeah, kinda dumb, isn't it?" I grin to show there's no ill will in the statement, and she manages a smile back. It's enough to make me feel emboldened, and I carry on. "Honestly, if you wanted to know that badly you could have just stopped by and asked me. You're my friend, I would have told you!"

Cordelia's eyes seem to bug out of her head at that. "You think we're friends?"

Oh. Well that took the wind out of my sails. "Uh, I… did, yes. But I guess I can see how that would be… presumptuous of me. Sorry."

"No!" She gasps in shock as her thoughts seem to catch up to her. "I'm delighted! Really, I am! I just, didn't realize you considered me in such a regard. I didn't… well, you never said as much before, so I thought we were more like… acquaintances, or coworkers?"

"I mean, when we first met that was certainly true. That's how most friendships start." I frown. "It felt like we'd become a bit more than acquaintances by now though. It's not like I go giving out formal friendship invitations to people or something."

Cordelia goes very red at that. "That's how my friendship with Sumia began."

"What?"

"Our families were attending a function at the castle, and I was left on my own while my parents were mingling with the other nobles. I remember feeling very bored and lonely at the time, and that was when Sumia walked up to me and requested to be my friend. She even curtsied."

"Oh my god, that sounds adorable! How old were you two?"

"I was nine, and Sumia was six." Cordelia says, a bemused expression on her face. "You are enjoying this quite a bit, aren't you?"

"Can't help it, that's just a hecking cute story!" I grin. "I'm picturing Sumia as a six year old and it's just too adorable. I'm so going to tease her about that later!"

"Is it really something to tease about?" Cordelia tilts her head in confusion.

"Oh heck yeah." I nod along. "Though I suppose my own story is way worse."

"How so?"

"Sumia and I became friends the day after I first arrived here. I had strained my legs too much getting here, and I couldn't use the stairs properly. So I was sliding down the stairs one by one on my ass, and that's when she came up and started talking to me. She didn't even bat an eye." I look over at Cordelia who's giving me a blank stare. "I'm not kidding Cordelia, that's how she and I became friends."

It takes another moment before she reacts. When she does though I discover something very interesting.

For how put together Cordelia is normally, she is an absolute sight when she laughs. It seems to explode out of her, a force so powerful it doubles her over until she's clutching her ribs, completely unrestrained compared to her usual demeanor. It's natural, in a way that she normally is… not. Her normal attitude is always so composed, as though her every thought and facial expression is a design she's chosen to show the world. This is something entirely more natural, and it's all the more beautiful for it.

"There, you see?" I declare once she's recovered enough that I think she can hear me. "Only friends can laugh over dumb shit like that!"

Cordelia's smile slips a bit at that. "I suppose I don't have much experience in such things… Until now Sumia was my only real friend."

"Well… now you've got two. Double the friends." I shrug. "Wasn't so hard, was it?"

"I suppose not." Cordelia's grin widens again. "Certainly not as difficult as I thought."

"It's the people you hang out with." I shrug. "Other than Phila, most of the Pegasus Knights are… well they're just extremely unpleasant people, from what I've seen."

"They're not as bad as you think." Cordelia replies glumly. "I've learned a great deal from them in the time I've been training. You just have something of a strange tendency to find me when they're at their worst."

Yeah, right. I've had to deal with bullies in one way or another for my whole life, so I know well enough what an absolute load that is. Still, I get the feeling that she wouldn't appreciate me saying as much…

Fuck it. "Okay, we're both going to pretend I believe that." I nod along, which draws a scowl from Cordelia but not much else. She probably can tell from my tone that I won't be changing my mind about them any time soon. With my point made, I decide to change the subject. "So anyways, I've got about ten gold left to my name. Is there anywhere around here I can buy us dinner for that much? It's getting late enough."

"Oh, there's no need for you to-"

"I insist. It'll be my way of saying thanks for all the help you've been." I pause and think for a moment. "Assuming of course that I can afford it? No idea what a good meal costs around here."

"Very well." Cordelia smiles gratefully. "I know of a place not far from here. Follow me." 

* * *

The place Cordelia is referring to turns out to be a familiar spot to me; a bakery that Sumia likes to frequent. They sell meat pies in the evening, really delicious ones packed with beef, carrot, and potato, practically dripping with gravy... just fantastic stuff, really.

"Maybe I should go into town more often." I muse, patting my gut happily as we make our way back towards the castle. "I don't get to eat stuff like that much these days."

"You should ask Sumia, I know she enjoys her baking." Cordelia replies.

"She loves baking pies, but most of the Shepherds only get to taste them when she's trying a new recipe." I explain with a smirk. "Once she's mastered a recipe she saves it for one person and one person only. I swear, with all the pie Chrom eats I'm amazed he hasn't gained weight."

"He would never!" Cordelia protests indignantly, causing me to burst into laughter.

"Hey, it could happen. A missed day of training here or there and he'll have a gut on par with the one I had when I first came here."

"Chrom would never let himself go like that. He's far too diligent." Cordelia replies with a huff. My grin only broadens at the tone. Girl's got it bad. She's in her early twenties but she gushes over her crush like a fourteen year old.

"I suppose you would know better than me." I allow, still smirking. "You've known him far longer than I have."

"Not as well as you might think." Cordelia sighs. "We're acquainted, but I mostly see him from afar. The things I've learned of him are all because of Sumia."

"Really? You've never talked?"

"Only about training."

"Huh." I muse on that as we keep walking. "So why is it that-"

"BEN!" I'm interrupted from my thoughts at the sound of my name being shouted from afar. I pause at that, looking around for the source of the voice. Was that Severa?

"Over there." Cordelia replies, her hearing far sharper than my own. I look in the direction she points and see a familiar head of red hair bobbing through the crowd. It takes some pushing and prodding, but the two of us manage to make our way over to her, as her shouting continues.

"Cool it kiddo, I'm here!" I call out as I finally come face to face with her, grabbing her by the shoulder to make sure I have her attention. "What the heck's going on, you're kicking up more of a fuss than usual."

"What the heck are you doing here?" Severa hisses in frustration. "You're supposed to be- What is she doing here!?" She drops the whispering and yelps in alarm as Cordelia emerges from the crowd behind me.

"Oh, you're Ben's… daughter, right?" Cordelia smiles uncertainly. "I'm Cordelia, we've met before during your training." Oh shit, that could be a problem.

Severa freezes at that and whirls back to face me. _"You told her?"_

"It didn't seem like the sort of thing I should lie about." I mumble, keeping my tone low enough that Cordelia hopefully won't be able to hear. "At least, not to her."

"Dad, you can't just-"

"She had a right to know." I cut her off firmly, before turning back and smiling disarmingly at Cordelia. "Sorry, we're still keeping the whole adoption thing quiet, she wasn't expecting that."

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Cordelia blinks in surprise and confusion.

"Not your fault, not your fault!" I grin, before turning back to Severa. "We can talk about this later, alright? Not in public." And not in front of Cordelia.

Yeah, bit of a fuckup on my part. Forgot I even mentioned it to Cordelia. Hopefully we'll have time to get our story straight later. For now though… "Look, what was it you needed me for so badly that you're running around town yelling in the streets?"

Severa's outrage gives way to panic at my reminder, as she grabs me by the arm and starts trying to drag me off. "That's right, I forgot, we have to go! You're supposed to be back at the castle!"

"The castle? What do you mean, it's not like I have cooking duty or something." I blink in confusion, looking back helplessly at Cordelia. She can only offer a bemused shrug.

"Don't be dense, we have to get going!" Severa snaps irritably. "Gawds, I'm just lucky Kellam was there when you left, nobody else had a clue where you'd gone!"

"Severa!" I take the girl by the shoulder and turn her back to face me. "Stop panicking and talk to me. What's going on?"

Severa looks about ready to start yelling, but pauses when she sees the people in the crowd staring, Cordelia included. She stamps her foot in frustration, racking her head for the best way to say whatever's on her mind. In the end she settles for giving me a meaningful look and saying "It's tonight."

Well that was spectacularly unhelpful. "What is, what's tonight?"

Severa rolls her eyes and groans in frustration. "The… the thing! That thing is tonight. Come on, you know what I'm talking about! The thing at the castle!"

"The… the castle? What…" I trail off as I realize what's she's referring to. The assassination attempt! "It's tonight!?" I gasp in alarm.

"That's what I'm saying! Gawds!" Severa stamps her foot impatiently. "We have to go now!"

"I'm sorry, would one of you two mind explaining to me what you're talking about?" Cordelia cuts in uncertainly. "This sounds important, whatever it is."

"Uhh!" I straighten up nervously, looking over at Severa. She gives me a wide eyed stare. Right, my kid can't lie on the spot. I turn back to Cordelia and smile in the face of her bewildered expression. "Well, if I was to put it in words…" I trail off uselessly, not sure how to handle the situation.

Cordelia looks at me expectantly, then her eyes go wide, as she stares at something behind me. "Dear Gods."

I whirl around and freeze, staring on in shock at the sight of a massive gout of flame shooting into the air over the castle. Oh sweet fuck it's already started. The Exalt is being attacked by assassins as we speak.

I picked a hell of a day to go shopping.

* * *

 **I'll be aiming to get the next chapter out on the 7th, right as the story turns a year old, but failing that I'll definitely crank it out within the week following that. It's going to be something of a necessity, since I'll be pretty much impossible to reach once the new Pokemon games come out.**

 **Next time: Ben's first time returning to battle since... chapter 15? Holy shit, that was a process, wasn't it? Well, I'm sure with all that time spent on break he'll be perfectly fine though...**

 **Yup...**


	26. Chapter 25

**Well, I made the deadline I was aiming for! Twenty four hours from the time this chapter is being posted this story will be one year old! Truly exciting stuff!  
**

* * *

"Why would you pick today of all days to go shopping?" Severa yells in frustration as we run up the hill.

"It was my day off, when else am I going to go into town?" I protest indignantly, sprinting as fast as I can. "Why didn't you tell me this was going to happen?"

"You've barely left the barracks in two months, I didn't think it would be a problem!"

"Why are the two of you talking like you knew this was going to happen?" Cordelia cuts in, yelling over both of us.

"I didn't have a clue!" I snap back. "This is every bit as surprising to me as it is for you."

"I have been listening to this conversation, you know!" She snaps, panting for breath. "You didn't know it was happening today, but you definitely knew it was going to happen!"

"It's a war Cordelia, political assassinations are a thing that happens in war!" I deflect, giving Severa a sharp look to _drop it._

"Don't you look at me like that, this isn't my fault!"

"So help me I will ground you, young lady!" I groan in frustration, before looking back at Cordelia. "Look, we discussed the possibility that something like this would happen in the future, but the how and when wasn't anything we knew for sure. Severa knows a guy with connections into this stuff, so she got some knowledge in advance, but clearly she…" I trail off from what I felt was some high quality bullshitting as I take in the state of Cordelia as she keeps up with us. "Geez, are you okay?"

"I… I've never been much for running." Cordelia groans as she struggles her way up the hill. "It's… it's the one thing I'm not… Oh mercy, not good at when it comes… to exercise."

"Holy crap, why didn't you just get a horse in town?" I frown worriedly.

She grimaces, clearly having not thought about it until just now. "I don't know, you just took off running! I didn't want to be left behind… How are you so okay with this!?" She cries out in frustration.

"I've been running every day for months now, and marching all day before that." I shrug. "I can't ride horses without my eyes swelling shut so I learned not to skip leg day."

"Lucky…" Cordelia moans.

"Not really, allergies suck." I frown, taking in her appearance. She's still keeping up with Severa and I, but it's getting increasingly painful to look at her. "I could carry you if you'd like?"

"I'm not a child!" She snaps indignantly.

"Wow, never mind then." I blink in surprise, and Cordelia becomes suddenly contrite.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I just… Oh, this is embarrassing." She trails to a stop and doubles over panting, hands on her knees. "Just… Go on without me. I'll catch up."

"We'll be waiting all night for that at this rate." Severa replies sarcastically, looking like she's enjoying this situation entirely too much.

"Not helping, Severa." I scold, before turning back to Cordelia. "It's not much farther Cordelia, we're almost at the top of the hill. Come on."

"Are we seriously going to wait for this slowpoke the whole way?"

"Severa, if you want this to go faster then run ahead. Get to the barracks, suit up, and grab my sword and armor. We both know you're way faster than I am anyways." Severa snaps off a mess of complaints faster than I can really follow, and then smoothly accelerates ahead.

"What a twerp, showing up her dad like that." I joke to Cordelia, who manages a shaky smile in response. "That's the spirit, let's go."

I coach her along the rest of the way up the hill, and while she's still clearly exhausted as we crest the top, she's quick to recover once she isn't dealing with an incline. We take a moment to catch our breath, and that's when I notice a small group by the castle gates. "Cordelia, you good to get to your barracks?"

"I'll be fine. Just…" She puts her hand to her mouth and blows a sharp whistle. After a moment a loud whinny rings out over the training ground. "There. Aurora is on her way. I'll be fine."

"Okay. I'm going to go see what's going on over there." I gesture to the gates.

"Right." Cordelia nods. "Be careful."

I nod back and rush over to see a group of several Shepherds clustered near the gate. Virion, Vaike, Noire, Stahl, and Sully… oh, and Kellam. "Oi!" I shout out as I approach. "What's going on?"

"The hell have you been?" Vaike gripes irritably as everyone looks my way. "We were looking all over for you and Severa."

"I was in town when I saw that fire go up. Miriel's work?"

"That's our best guess." Sully shrugs helplessly. "The entrances are all sealed shut. None of us have been able to get in and see what's going on."

"Some of the Pegasus Knights mentioned Plegian assassins." Stahl adds. "But there's arrows flying all over the place in there, so they can't risk bringing passengers."

"So, what, we're just stuck waiting out here?" I blink in shock.

"Not so, Ben." Virion smiles confidently. "The lovely Miss Anna was able to scale the wall not long ago. I expect it will only be a matter of time before…" He trails off at the sound of a rattling behind him. "Ah, and there she is now!"

The main gates only open a bit before sticking, but it's enough for everyone to squeeze through, though Kellam needs a bit of help from Sully and I. Once they're in I hang back. "Severa's coming with my gear. You guys go ahead and we'll catch up."

"Alright, don't be too long." Sully replies with a grin. "You wouldn't want to miss the fun."

"I admire your confidence, dear Sully, but I advise you restrain your usual fiery enthusiasm for now." Virion cuts in with a grimace. "I fear this will be no enjoyable affair. Now then, our first priority should be to confirm the safety of the Exalt. No doubt we will find Chrom there. Ben, it will be no easy task traversing a castle full of Plegian soldiers with only Severa to support you. Be careful, my friend."

"You too." I clap him on the shoulder. "All of you. I'll see you once this mess is over." I exchange similar sentiments with the others and then see them all off.

Anna emerges from the gatehouse as the others begin to move and falls in with them immediately. She's covered in blood, but from the carefree way she waves to me I can tell it's not hers. Frightening woman, that one. I sneak back out through the gate for now, since I'm still defenseless. Until I have my sword and armor, there's not much I can really do.

"Well, maybe not nothing." I mutter, pulling the bundle I bought with Cordelia off of my back. "This seems as good a time as any to bust out the new gear."

Cordelia's hunch about the leg armor not working with jeans proves true, so I have to hide away in the shadow of the castle wall while I swap to the pants she recommended for me. An intensely uncomfortable moment, but necessary for me to go into battle properly protected. Thankfully I have time to spare, as it takes several minutes more before I finally see Severa return.

"Alright, I've got your stupid armor, so you can…" She pauses as she draws closer, staring at my new equipment. "Where'd you get those?"

"Cordelia helped me buy them in town today." I reply as I grab my stuff from Severa and start suiting up. "We also grabbed a spellbook, but I'll need some time with Miriel before it's ready for use."

"Right." Severa frowns deeply at that. "Because you and Cordelia are such good friends now."

I consider her tone for a moment, then look around the field. Severa's head start seems to be holding strong, no sign of Cordelia yet. Let's nip this one in the bud.

"We're friends, yes." I say, pretending to preoccupy myself as I swap my sweater for the jacket.

"Good enough friends that you apparently tell her everything!" Severa accuses.

"Not everything. I'm certain there's a great deal she doesn't know about me."

"That's bullshit! You told her I was your daughter!"

"And you are." I raise an eyebrow. "I adopted you."

"That- that's not the point!" Severa protests indignantly. "You said we weren't supposed to talk about it."

"And we're not. Not yet." I sigh heavily. "I don't like it, but it really is better if nobody knows for the time being. It would raise far too many questions."

"Then why did you tell her!?" Severa cries out in frustration.

"The same reason I told you earlier." I lower myself to one knee and take her by the shoulders. "She has a right to know."

"Says who?"

"Severa." I frown at her. "I know you have problems with Cordelia. I understand that. But that doesn't change the fact that she's your mother."

"No she isn't!" Severa snaps. "My mother died so long ago I don't even remember her."

"I died too." I look her in the eye. "My future self died, and that doesn't make me any less your father."

"It's different with you." Severa grimaces.

"And I'm glad for that." I grin. "So fucking glad. You have no idea how much it means that you and I can have this connection. But..." I force myself to become stern again. "That doesn't make Cordelia's connection to you any less valid."

"It should…" Severa pouts.

"I don't think you believe that any more than I do." I chuckle. "Look, I'm not saying you have to force yourself to get close to her like you are with me. I don't think Cordelia would be any more ready for that than you are. Hell, I'm not even saying you have to be friendly to her!"

"Then what the heck are you saying?" Severa frowns, more thoughtfully this time.

"I'm saying…" I pause for a moment to sort my thoughts out. "The time will come soon enough where the others are going to learn who you are. Who you really are. Same for Noire, and Lucina, and everyone else who came back with you. And once they learn that, they'll start to learn the rest. What you've lived through. What you've seen. Who you were close to. The time will come, whether you want it to or not, when people learn that Cordelia was your mother. And when that time comes, she will want to be involved."

"She never seemed to want to be involved that much when I was a child!" Severa snaps, getting irritable again.

"I can't speak for how Cordelia was in your world." I frown, disbelieving but choosing my words carefully. "I never knew your Cordelia. From what I've seen of this Cordelia though, I feel confident that she'll try. Now, I have no place telling you how you and your mother can or can't get along." She opens her mouth to say something and I cut in hastily. "But! But, I will say that you shouldn't decide now. Not before she knows. It's not fair to cut her out before she even knows who you are."

Severa pulls away properly this time, sniffling. "What if I don't want to be fair to her? It's not like she was fair to me!"

"Maybe so." I concede, getting to my feet. "But I think Cordelia at least deserves a chance."

"Why do you care so much?" Severa replies shakily, still not looking my way.

"Because I'm your dad. Because Cordelia is your mother. And because Cordelia is my friend. And all of those things are pretty goddamn important to me." I nod, more to myself since Severa's still hiding her face from me. "I'll be real with you kiddo, there's no outcome to this situation that won't be dysfunctional on some level. But it'll be worth it to give it a chance. I truly believe that."

Severa's quiet for a while, and would probably remain quiet for a lot longer if the sound of an approaching Pegasus didn't shock her out of it. She rubs furiously at her eyes, then turns back to me grouchily. "Fine. I'll play nice. For now. You'd better appreciate it!"

"I do." I grin. "Now, you mind helping your dad get these bracers tightened properly? If we wait for me to do it we'll be out here all night."

Severa gives me a suspicious look, but obediently returns to help fix my armor. Such a good daughter. But far too trusting. She's barely finished helping me when my arms lash out. She realizes the trap has been sprung a moment too late.

When Cordelia lands next to us it's to the sight of me holding a flailing Severa against my chest in an iron grip. "Am I interrupting something?" She asks bemusedly.

"YES!" Severa cries with horror as she realizes an audience has appeared.

"Nonsense!" I grin, hugging Severa even tighter. "There is no force on this planet capable of interrupting the love a father has for his daughter!"

"Dad! Stoppit! This is embarrassing!"

"Embarrassing?" I gasp in mock horror. "You're saying your dad is embarrassing to you?"

"Extremely!" She snaps back, finally managing to pull away and taking the opportunity to stomp off towards the gates. "Gawds, you're ridiculous!"

I burst out laughing the moment Severa's pulled away, unable to contain it any longer. "Ah, teenagers." I grin, wiping the tears from my eyes. "Just the greatest."

"Is that a common thing for you two then?" Cordelia asks, chuckling along.

"Not really." I reply, my good mood suddenly feeling more bittersweet. "The adoption isn't really public yet. So I don't really get to be that open about it yet. I… might have been indulging a bit since you're one of the only people who've been told. Well, that and I wanted to punish her a bit for being a twerp to you earlier. A little bit of embarrassment works well for that I think."

"Certainly an interesting method." Cordelia grins. "Though I'm not sure you need to hold back so much. Is it really so important to keep it a secret? I think this adoption seems like a healthy thing for both of you."

My initial instinct is to say 'Of course it's important!' but then I stop and think about it a bit longer. Is it important? I wanted to keep it secret because the true nature of our relationship is so complicated, but…

Haven't I already stumbled into the perfect way to explain the situation between the two of us? Isn't it easier to just say I've adopted Severa? Like, hell, that's not even a lie. It's certainly a statement lacking in some information, but… who the fuck cares? I've always said half-truths are the best way to conceal something anyways, so telling the Shepherds I'm adopting Severa is just going to make our lives a hell of a lot easier.

"You know something, you're right." I reply, grinning broadly. "I've been overthinking things. I'll talk to Severa about it and we can tell the others once this mess is cleaned up."

"I'm sure they'll all be thrilled to learn of it." Cordelia smiles broadly.

"Yeah. Yeah! That's a serious weight of my mind. I'm feeling better already! Thanks Cordelia."

"You're welcome!" Cordelia nods. "I'm glad to be of service!"

I nod back, then focus. "Alright, so now that that's sorted let's get to the important stuff. What's your situation here?"

"My situation?" Cordelia pauses, unsure of what I'm referring to.

"What are you doing right now? It looks like most of your fellow knights are up there right now." I gesture to the air around the castle, where countless white Pegasus can be seen in the flickering orange of firelight. "Are you going to join them?"

"I probably should…" Cordelia frowns, looking up with me. "But I think you two need my help more than they do right now. All that I can do in the sky is clear the wall tops and windows, and that looks to be a stalemate at the moment."

I take her word for it, my vision not being nearly sharp enough to take tactical notes on the battle taking place up there. "Alright, let's go meet with Severa for the moment. Best leave Aurora, she won't be much use once we're inside the castle."

The Pegasus snorts indignantly, but listens when Cordelia directs her back to the stables. The two of us meet with Severa just inside the gates and survey the situation as best as we can from here.

Frankly speaking, it's a mess. Bodies are strewn all around the courtyard, and most of them look to be our own guards. "One Plegian for every five of our own." I note, looking it all over. "How many goddamn soldiers did Plegia sneak in if they can afford to lose this many of their assassins?"

"Severa, your father said earlier that you had a contact, right? Did they mention anything about the sort of numbers we're facing?"

Severa looks at me desperately, but I can only shrug. "You're the one with the information here kiddo." All I did was make up a way for you to have it. That's all I can contribute in this situation.

"I… don't actually know." Severa shuffles nervously. "All I knew was that it was happening tonight."

"Which was information you really should have shared sooner." Cordelia frowns sternly.

"Cordelia." I cut in swiftly before Severa can start yelling. "That's not helpful right now. We can discuss it when things are less dire."

Cordelia blanches at that. "…You're right, I apologize. This isn't the time for accusations."

"Damn right it's not!"

"Severa!" I turn back to the kid irritably. "That's not remotely helpful either. Now. Both of you. Focus. We don't know their numbers, so we need to plan to compensate for that."

"Our first move should be to find Chrom." Cordelia says immediately. "He's probably defending the Exalt as we speak. He'll need our help."

Severa rolls her eyes at that, but nods. "Yeah, Chrom's probably going to be dealing with the worst of the fighting right now."

I shake my head slowly. "No… No, that's exactly why we can't head for him first, actually."

They both look to me, Cordelia in shock and Severa in curiosity, and I explain. "We don't have the means to get to Chrom like this. The fight around the Exalt is going to be fierce and cramped. A full out brawl in narrow corridors. Our only chance to get through that would have been to go with Virion's group, since he had Kellam and Stahl to act as a vanguard, but they'll be in the thick of it by now. We don't have an effective vanguard with us. I can take a hit, but my ability to effectively fight back is still suspect. If we head straight for the Exalt and something goes wrong, all three of us will be dead before we even see Chrom."

Cordelia frowns, clearly wanting to refute my assessment, but unable to. She still doesn't know the extent of my situation, but the fact that I was the only Shepherd left behind on the trip to the border was not lost on her. In the end she's forced to agree, by virtue of simply having no clue what I am or am not capable of. She nods reluctantly.

"So what do we do, then?" Severa asks.

I think for a while longer before it comes to me. "The library. I'll bet anything that's where Miriel sent that signal from. It's also an easily defendable location, especially with the Pegasus Knights keeping watch over the windows from outside. If she's still there then we'll have some real firepower in our corner."

"Sounds like a plan." Severa nods. "Alright, this way."

"No Severa, I'm taking point." I shake my head.

"What?" Severa blinks, aghast, then becomes immediately furious. "Don't be an idiot, you're not ready."

"Severa, if you two try to spend your time defending me this whole time then we won't get anywhere." I reply. "I don't know if I'll be able to kill them, but I can guard well enough and I'm stubborn enough to take a hit. I'll be our shield. Cordelia, you have the longest reach out of any of us. You're behind me. I'll make openings, you take them. Severa, guard our flanks. You're the fastest one of us, so you can cover us the best."

"You're sure about this?" Cordelia asks.

"Positive." I grin with bravado I don't quite feel. "I admit I'm a bit of a mess at the moment, but I'm far from helpless."

"Fine." Severa snaps irritably. "Fine! But if this turns into a repeat of Ferox, I'm killing you myself!"

"It won't." I reassure her. "Alright ladies, let's go. Stick to the shadows, we don't want any archers getting ideas." 

* * *

We enter the castle by the east entrance, taking the long way around the courtyard so that we can keep to the shadow of the wall. As we draw closer the sound of metal against metal rings out, evidence of battles still being furiously waged within despite how late we're arriving.

As we approach the door several Pegasus Knights draw near, but Cordelia signals them away before any potential friendly fire occurs. They return to the sky, where the others are still picking off whatever Plegians expose themselves on the upper levels.

Inside the castle things only look bleaker. The guards clearly hadn't yet been prepared when the Plegians swept through, and they lay scattered about with little evidence of true pitched combat. Blood stains the walls, soaking through tapestries and pooling on the floor. Many of the torches have been extinguished in the scuffle, and…

It's all… very familiar.

"Merciful Naga, this is horrible!" Cordelia gasps in shock, her surprise distracting her from my own distress. I glance back to see her gripping her lance, face pale as she surveys the carnage. Behind her though, Severa is giving me a meaningful glance.

She walked those halls in my wake. She knows that I've seen such a thing before. That I've caused it. I can sense her bracing herself to make me retreat. If she wanted to I know she could do it. I'm physically stronger, but in a fight she outclasses me in every other regard. It's only by her respect for me that I've been allowed to come this far. That, and she no doubt wants to see me succeed here. She wants the reassurance that her dad will be strong enough to handle it.

Well I do hate disappointing people. I raise my sword, and advance slowly down the hall. "Don't dwell on it Cordelia." I say grimly. "There's nothing we can do for them now. Focus on those that still need defending."

Cordelia nods, steeling herself and advancing resolutely. Strong woman. This is death of a much more intimate nature than that of the battlefield. I can only imagine that it's far more difficult for her. Or at the very least a new form of difficult than what she's used to. But she faces it with her head held high, spear at the ready.

The next corner nearly saps that will all over again. "No." I gasp in horror, and hear the other two cry in shock behind me. I can't bring myself to pay them any mind though.

It seems the Plegians were indiscriminate in their slaughter. The armed guards were one thing, but most of these people aren't holding weapons. "I forgot this was where the servant's quarters were." I whisper, staring at the sight of the slaughtered civilians in front of me.

The castle's craftsmen clearly had the worst of it, as the attack began right as they were returning to their quarters for the evening. But some of the others… Maids. Some of the cooking staff. A young boy I vaguely recognize as the Smith's apprentice. All butchered.

A glimpse of yellow catches my eye and my heart stops. I rush forward, recklessly charging down the hall despite the startled cries of the others. A maid lies facedown on the floor, a slash having torn her back apart to the extent that I can see her spine exposed. Blonde hair is splayed out around her head, the ends soaking in blood. I reach down to turn the body over, not daring to breathe.

I don't recognize this face.

It's not Felicity.

It's not Felicity.

Air rushes back into my lungs as I sob in relief. "Thank you!" I gasp, not at all sure who the hell I'm even talking to. "Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!"

"Ben, don't run ahead like that, please!" Cordelia rushes to my side. She pauses, taking in my shaking shoulders and the body I'm still leaning over. "Oh no. Did you know her?"

I turn back to her, half sobbing, half laughing. "No. I have no idea who she is. I… I thought…" I thought I was about to find my friend's body lying cold on the stone.

"Oh." Cordelia shifts uncomfortably. "Well… that's good then." Her face twists at the words, because while she shares in my relief, we both know that there's nothing about this situation that can truly be called good. Remembering that as well helps ground me, and so I recollect myself and get back to my feet.

"I'm sorry." I bow my head. "I won't lose myself like that again."

"It's okay." Cordelia places a hand on my shoulder. "We understand." Severa nods mutely.

We resume our formation and continue down the hall. The doorway at the end holds the most grisly sight of all. Several Plegians lay dead, and at the doorway are the remains of what I think to be three guards. They've been literally hacked into such small pieces that it's honestly difficult to tell how many bodies are scattered here.

"Why would they do this?" Severa frowns as she takes the sight in. "It's… it's just pointless!"

"Frustration, probably." I reply, looking around the empty hallway beyond. "It looks like these three bought time for the rest of the servants to escape. One final stand to save as many lives as they could."

"I see. No bodies out here." Cordelia notes sadly as she follows me. "To have such valor repaid with this senseless hatred… it's despicable."

"We'll honor them properly later." I nod as I move forward, eager to put the bloody corridors behind me. "For now let's make sure the bastards who did this don't get the chance to do it again."

The next few turns are easier, but not as much I had hoped. While the bloody walls and scattered corpses are gone now, I have to instead deal with the aftermath of the Plegians we're following. It's not a pretty sight. These people seem to be frustrated at the loss of their victims, and have been taking it out on everything in sight. Vases and windows smashed, suits of armor toppled and dented, tapestries slashed to ribbons. The three of us continue to travel in the wake of this destruction uneasily, worried that the next corner we'll round will be yet another bloodbath, with no sound to accompany us save the noise of footsteps on the floors above, and the sound of voices screaming in the distance. As much as we'd like to hurry though, we simply can't afford to; rushing through a castle full of assassins is a great way to get yourself killed.

I could have sworn the walk to the library was shorter than this. It feels like we've been walking for hours. With every empty corridor I enter I feel my tension rise. With all the time they've been tearing things apart I would have expected to find somebody by now, but I have yet to hear a trace of them. All I can do is continue walking forward though, step by step, until somebody finally turns up and I'm finally forced to overcome this mental hurdle waiting for me.

"Gawds, this is getting creepy!" Severa hisses uneasily, unknowingly giving voice to my thoughts. "With everything they're breaking you'd think we'd have at least heard them by now!"

Apparently this is taken as some sort of cue. Severa's barely finished speaking before somebody starts screaming. A man's voice, though whether it's a cry of anger or fear or something else is lost on me.

"Ask and you shall receive." I say dryly, raising my sword and breaking into a jog. The sound seemed like it was coming from around the next corner. Looks like I'm about to see some action.

Then I round the corner and find myself facing another empty hallway. "Or not…" I mutter in confusion. "Okay seriously, where the fuck is everybody?"

"Ben!" Cordelia hisses from behind me. "Over there, that open door!" She points to the room in question, halfway down the hall. A storage room of some sort.

As we get closer the sounds of yelling give way to some sort of scuffling. Something crashes inside the room. A fight, clearly, but a quiet one. Hardly a voice to be heard, except for maybe… "Is that sobbing?" I mutter to Cordelia in a low voice. She only nods in response, expression grim.

My pace quickens, though I stay quiet as best as I can. Nothing good comes from bursting into the middle of a fight and surprising everyone involved. Only a good idea if you want to get yourself stabbed. Cordelia and Severa seem to agree, following my pace in absolute silence. Finally, I reach the door, and peer cautiously around the corner.

Two men lay dead on the floor. One has his throat slashed open, and while I can't see the other clearly enough to tell for sure, the way the blood is pooling tells me he likely suffered the same fate. The last two men are still fighting, though it looks as though things are about to be wrapped up. One of them is clutching pitifully at his throat, pants around his ankles, while the other, a cloaked figure, strangles him with the string of his own trousers. I inspect the two (more carefully than I'd like) and decide that since neither are Ylissean I'll let them sort it out on their own.

They do so a moment later, the cloaked one finally finishing the job and letting their victim fall to the ground. The figure staggers to the side, collapsing on top of a barrel and gasping for breath and muttering "Couldn't have the decency to just die quickly." Ah, a man then.

"What's going on?" Cordelia whispers in my ear, so low that I have to strain to hear it.

"Not sure yet." I reply just as quietly. "Three dead, none Ylissean." I look back inside and see the man grab a bloody dagger from the floor and wipe it clean on the tunic of one of the men before sheathing it. Definitely responsible for killing all three of them then. The question is, why?

The figure then turns to the back corner. "Sorry I couldn't get them sooner."

Oh fuck. There's a girl in there. She's huddled in the back corner, where the shadows are darkest, hiding behind a few overturned barrels. She's curled up as small as possible, clearly doing the best she can to hide. And just as I notice her, she seems to notice me. We lock eyes and I suddenly recognize her. One of the girls who cleans the barracks with Felicity, though I never learned her name.

She realizes as I do that we know each other, and at the sign of a familiar face she suddenly shrieks. "HELP! PLEASE HELP ME!"

"Cripes!" The man jumps in surprise. "Hey, calm down, will you? I'm not-" He stops talking mid-sentence and explodes into action so fast I can barely follow.

Whoever this guy is, he's damn good. The instant Cordelia and I appeared in the doorway he noticed, probably because of our shadows looming across the room. He doesn't waste time talking; hell, he doesn't even pause to look. I take two steps into the room and suddenly his cloak is flying at my face. I respond by reaching out with my sword to sweep it aside, trying to give Cordelia and I a line of sight.

Before I've even touched the cloak a dagger tears through it, whistling through the air at Cordelia's head. He's hoping to make her fall back from the door so that he can take me alone. And I can already tell I've got bad odds of taking this guy. I release the sword with my left hand and use my gauntlet to backhand the blade aside, pulling the cloak away with my right.

Nobody's there. Where could he have…? Up? No, wait, he's still-

I realize just in time, throwing myself backwards as an arm curves up from _beneath_ the cloak, narrowly avoiding a second dagger that went straight for my face. This speedy fucker moved with the cloak even after I caught it! In spite of the two near misses I can't help but grin in admiration. He's incredibly skilled.

Of course, he's got nothing on Cordelia.

The first dagger was completely stopped by my gauntlet, leaving Cordelia safe to advance behind me, and once I fall aside there's nothing in between her and our opponent. Her lance blurs as she moves, swatting the cloak into the ground with the shaft and spinning so that the blade is on the man so fast he can hardly react. He barely has enough time to draw a short sword, and to his credit manages to parry three times before Cordelia disarms him and sends him sprawling. That's the match. Holy shit, that whole thing can't have lasted more than ten seconds.

Cordelia brings back her lance for a moment, readying to stab down and finish the job. That's when I finally get a good look at this guy. Is that? Oh fuck-

"CORDELIA WAIT!" I yelp out in a panic, so fast I'm almost certain the words are incomprehensible. The intent seems to get through, because Cordelia freezes in place just in time, the tip of her spear pressed against the man's Adam's apple.

Her gaze doesn't waver, eyes fixed on the man she was about to impale. "Why am I waiting?" She asks patiently.

Why? Wow, what a question! What a perfectly fair and reasonable question that I can't answer without prompting way too many others of its like! Why can't you kill him? Because it's fucking Gaius, that's why! But I can't tell you that because you don't know or care who Gaius is, or why he shouldn't be killed. Hell, Gaius doesn't even know why I wouldn't want him killed! Nobody in this world knows because none of them know what the fuck a video game is, or that we're fucking living in one, and I have to keep it that way!

You're panicking Ben. Focus. Calm down and use your head.

Okay, it's fine, I can work with this. I think fast, taking my time getting back to my feet before finally addressing Cordelia. Is there anything I can- well of course there is, what the fuck he was doing when I first saw him!

"He killed the others." I gesture around the room. "He's not on their side."

"Is that so?" She asks curiously. The man attempts to nod, but the spear presses a little closer to his throat and forces him to stop. "Please do not misunderstand me. Any questions I ask are directed solely at my companion. Your word is worth very little to me at the moment."

"Well, as the person whose word is worth something, I can tell you with certainty he killed them." I look around the room. "Well, okay, I know he killed that one… eugh." I blink as I gesture to the one Gaius strangled. The ugly fucker still has his pants around his ankles. "Okay wait, keep your eyes where they are for a second…" I'm not touching this guy. Let me just… ah. I grab a folded linen from a shelf and toss it into the corpse's lap. His bare legs still aren't pretty, but at least his… you know what, I'm not even going to let my mind go there. It's… it's censored, okay? It's fucking censored, and that cloth will have to be burned later.

"Alright, so what we heard when we got close was-" I just manage to catch myself from saying the name out loud. Whoa there, let's just cut that one off here. "What's your name?"

"Uhh… Gauis." He responds, still eyeing the point of the spear uneasily.

"Okay, what we heard was Gaius here strangling this guy. The other two were already dead." I frown and look over to the corner. "Hang on, we do have a witness."

I take two steps towards the maid and freeze. She looks like she's about to faint, and the more I look the more it becomes apparent why. Her uniform is shredded. And the bare skin I can see is mottled with bruises. It's all too clear what these… _vermin_ were doing to her.

Okay, so that's a big nope on that plan of action. Absolutely not. I'm a six foot tall man with exactly the sort of frame you'd expect to see from all the physical training I do. Last thing she needs right now is a guy like me looming over her.

"Severa, I need you in here." I call out, backing away from the poor girl.

She leans into the doorway a moment later. "What do you want? I'm trying to make sure nobody sneaks up on us here!"

"Severa." I gesture to the girl in the corner. "I can't help her."

Severa's face twists through several expressions as she puts the pieces together before she finally nods and moves around Cordelia.

I place a hand on her shoulder as she passes me, holding her for just a moment. "We need to know what happened in here." I murmur into her ear. "Gaius' life depends on it." Severa's eyes widen in shock, but she recovers quickly. She gives me a determined nod, and moves swiftly. Despite this though, her voice as she starts speaking to the maid is as soft as I've ever heard it.

I suppose she'd have to be used to comforting people after the shitshow of a life she came from.

"Okay." I address Cordelia, as I move to give them some more room. "Severa's going to help her and try to figure out what she knows. In the meantime, let's hear your side of things, Gaius."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Cordelia asks coolly. "He may not be on the side of these Plegians but he's also clearly not on our side either. He tried to kill you."

"Which I'm sure will come up when he gets to that part of the story." I shrug. "Anyways, we're even with him on that particular point, aren't we?"

"It's hardly the same!" Cordelia protests, before sighing and stepping back. "Fine. Speak your piece, assassin. But do keep it brief. We have little time to spare on you."

Gaius relaxes visibly now that the spear point isn't pressed against his throat. "Thanks for that, Red." The nickname earns him a sharp look that has him hastily turning aside to face me. "You too, big guy. I saw my life flash before my eyes for a second there."

"Wait until we've made our minds up before you go thanking us." I smirk. "Now, speak quickly. Cordelia was right when she said we don't have much time."

"Right." Gaius says, growing visibly nervous again. "First thing's first then. I'm no assassin. This is all the result of a series of crazy misunderstandings."

"I'm tempted to stab him already." Cordelia chimes in drily.

"I'm serious, alright?" Gaius grimaces. "Look, there's a guy in town, he helps lowlifes like me find work in the city. He came to me with a dangerous job. I had to help some folks break into the castle, for some sort of thieving job. Not my usual fare, but I owed the guy money, and he threatened to cut off my thumbs, so I figure 'fine, guess I'm robbing the royals now.' I meet the group in question, a bunch of weird robed people, take care of a few locks to get us in, and all of a sudden they call a whole mess of these freaks out of nowhere to file in after me. Start talking about assassination. And their leader, he's some sort of fanatic, the kind who kills if you don't fall in line. So I'm stuck going along with it."

"What do you mean, out of nowhere?" I interrupt.

"I don't know." Gaius scratches at his head in exasperation. "Always thought I had a good pair of eyes on me, but these guys… it's like they just appeared out of nowhere. And it's not like many of them are the sneaking type." He gestures to the three shitstains we've been tracking through the castle. Can't say I disagree there. Freaks like this would be baying for blood the moment they set eyes on the castle, the way they were trashing the place.

"Okay, so you're forced to go along with this assassination group. What happened next?" I nod along.

"Honestly, it got pretty easy from there." Gaius shrugs. "Their boss is a fan of looming in the background, so I put myself near the frontlines where he couldn't see me. Then when the fighting started and everyone started running around like lunatics I just found a good chance to slip away and started making my way to an exit. Which is when I found myself here."

"We're a long ways away from an exit." Cordelia points out.

"Ah, but I bet you didn't have to deal with much of anything on the way here, did you?" Gaius grins. "If you lot hadn't shown up late to this little party I'd be long gone already. But I digress. When I got here these three were fighting over the poor girl there. Slapping her around, arguing over taking turns, all the stuff fit to get your blood boiling. So as soon as one of them the initiative, I snuck up on the others and cut their throats. They were so busy leering they didn't even see me coming." He glares over at the bodies. "Last one managed to notice his buddies dying though, so I had to get creative."

"And then after all this time spent as a poor unfortunate rogue with a heart of gold, you decided to try to kill us." I conclude with a raised eyebrow.

Gaius nods. "That was definitely a thing that happened, but in my defense I thought you were Plegian."

"Plegian?" Cordelia asks indignantly. "I'm a Pegasus Knight of Ylisse!"

"Look, I'm sitting there with a girl whose life I just saved, when she looks at the door and starts screaming again." Gaius holds up his hands helplessly. "I thought these scum had some friends waiting in the wings. Seemed like a reasonable conclusion."

I blink at that, and look over to Cordelia. "He's got us there."

"I suppose it does make sense when you put it like that." Cordelia frowns. "Though it begs the question why she started screaming in the first place."

"She's one of the maids over at the Shepherd's barracks." I shrug. "Pretty sure she recognized me and freaked out."

"Geez, you guys are _Shepherds_?" Gaius cringes. "No wonder you hit so hard."

"Just Severa and I, actually." I gesture to my daughter with a grin. "The one who did all the hitting is a proper knight in training."

"Don't sell yourself short Ben, you covered for me beautifully."

"Well, that means a lot coming from you Cordelia, thank you." I grin over at her. Then a gasping sound draws my eyes back to Gaius. "You alright there, buddy?"

"Did… she just call you Ben?" Gaius asks, looking suddenly pale. "Ben of the Shepherds?"

"Yeah…" I reply uneasily, suddenly getting a very bad feeling.

"Oh Gods." Gaius groans queasily. "I can't believe of all the people I could have picked a fight with I had to choose Ben the Goddamned Butcher of all people."

The room falls into immediate silence.

Cordelia looks over at me in confusion. Severa is frozen with indecision, trying to choose between concern for me, her equal concern for the maid, and her fury at Gaius.

"Ben the Butcher?" Cordelia asks curiously. "What sort of title is that?"

"Cripes lady, you don't know? This guy is infamous! They say he walked into a bandit camp up in Regna Ferox and killed a hundred of them single handed!" Gaius sputters, clearly stunned that Cordelia might have missed this story.

Cordelia seems stunned at that, then swiftly grows angry. "What a load of nonsense. Clearly such an outlandish story must be fabricated!"

"Not fabricated." I reply weakly, staring blankly at Gaius. "Just exaggerated. They were slavers, not bandits. And I only killed thirty six of them."

"Thir-" Cordelia cuts herself off, staring at me as though this is her first time seeing me. "You killed-"

"Tell me something, Gaius." I interrupt. "What else do they say about me?"

"Uhh, I'm not sure that-"

"Tell. Me." I snarl.

Gaius pales further, cringing back as though worried his words might send me into a murderous rampage. "They say that… you painted the walls with the blood of your enemies. That you were left behind on Emmeryn's trip to Plegia because she couldn't trust you to behave on a mission of peace; that you killed unarmed Feroxi during Chrom's mission. …That you're Chrom's personal executioner when he can't bring himself to dirty his hands."

"Where'd you hear this?"

"Here… in Ylisstol." Gaius grimaces. "Rumors have been flying around about Chrom's renegade Shepherd for nearly two months now."

The stories must have been running at my heels the whole way back from Ferox. And who knows where else they might have spread. If it took that little time for the rumors to jump the border and reach Ylisstol…

It's possible the whole of Ylisse knows about them by now.

All the time I've been working to overcome my actions that night. To change. To become somebody I could be proud of, in spite of the things I've done. Guess the damage is already done.

"Heh." I find myself grinning. "My life really is such bullshit." I clap a hand to my head and start laughing in earnest. "Of all the fucking luck!"

Just as my laughter is starting to get truly frantic, a weight hits me in the chest, snapping me out of it. I blink in confusion, looking down.

"Snap out of it, moron." Severa says, fist still pressed against my chest. "Who cares what a bunch of idiots in town are saying, anyways?" She adamantly keeps her face pointed to the side as she says this, glaring off to the side.

I stare blankly down at her for a couple moments. Damn, what a sweet kid! She… really should stop getting within arm's reach and then taking her eyes off me.

Paternal affection: activate!

"AH! HEY STOPPIT, WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE MESSING AROUND!" Severa flails in my arms for the second time tonight, trying in vain to squirm free. "DAMNIT DAD, YOU'RE EMBARASSING ME!"

"You know what Cordelia, I think this is going to be a common thing for us now." I grin at my bemused companion. "How can I not when I've got such a great daughter?"

"Not on your… life!" Severa snarls, catching me in the gut with her elbow.

"Oof!" I wheeze, letting Severa go and sinking to my knees. "God damn kid, when this is over you're grounded."

"Whatever, you're clearly fine." Severa rolls her eyes and storms back to the maid, face flushed bright pink.

"Quite the kid you've got there, Chuckles." Gaius says drily, watching her go.

"She's certainly a character." Cordelia nods in agreement.

"I know, right?" I grin, hauling myself back to my feet. "She had a point though. We've been wasting a lot of time here. Cordelia, what's your take on our friend here?"

"His story is… plausible. As is his stated reason for attacking us." Cordelia muses.

"I agree." I nod along. "Severa?"

"Well… Ruth confirmed he killed the other two Plegians…" Severa calls over, unwilling to leave the girl's side. She hesitates for a moment before continuing, "She's convinced he just wanted her to himself though."

"Geez, no good deed goes unpunished." Gaius frowns dejectedly. "I swear you three, the thought never crossed my mind!"

"I believe you." I nod.

"Are you sure about this Ben?" Cordelia asks cautiously. "If it turns out that she's right…"

"Then we'll deal with him, but he didn't make any sort of aggressive move towards her that I could see. He killed three people attacking her, and I think that earns him the benefit of the doubt." She still looks doubtful, so I play my last card. "Besides, I think Chrom would trust him."

And in the end that settles her opinion quite nicely.

"Alright Gaius, welcome to the team." I nod to the thief. "We're happy to have you."

"Uhh, the team?" Gaius frowns. "Does that mean I can't leave?"

"Not a chance, buddy." I grin down at him. "We've agreed you're not here to assassinate the Exalt, but you still let these bastards in. The way I see it, you owe us."

"Debt, huh?" Gaius snorts. "You'd fit right in on the streets with that kind of talk. Alright, let's get to it then. Where do we start?"

"We're trying to gather up any of our friends that have been scattered in this mess and get a group together to support Chrom and the Exalt." I explain. "We were starting with the Library."

"Good choice." Gaius nods. "There's a bunch of people holed up in there. Some mage is leading them, but there's at least a dozen of these guys trying to bust in. Too many for me to handle, so I had to leave it be."

"Alright, then that's our next step." I nod to Cordelia. "Alright, you and I will take the same position as before. Severa, I want you looking after uh, Ruth there, so Gaius will be our new rear guard."

"Sounds good, boss." Gaius throws out a lazy salute as he gets to his feet. "Let's go save the day."

Cordelia gives Gaius a dubious look. "Hard to believe you could save anyone. You're absolutely filthy. And… is that a turkey leg in your pocket?"

"Or are you just happy to see us?" I chime in.

Cordelia gives me a confused look for a moment before she clues in and flushes red. Gaius bursts into laughter.

"You know what Chuckles, I think you and I are going to be good friends."

* * *

 **Nice to finally have the thief in the group, they tend to be my favorite characters in whatever Fire Emblem game I play. Matt, Colm, Gaius, Ashe (he starts with locktouch, it totally counts), they're all great fun.**

 **So, a whole year gone! It's been an insane trip so far, and considering how far I've... not come in the story, that's kinda terrifying to me. Already this story is turning into a beast far greater than anything I could have imagined when I started writing it, but I'm honestly more excited than anything. It's all thanks to you guys. This has been an incredible community to write for so far, and I can't wait to continue. Your review, follows, and favorites are all a joy to see, and I appreciate you all a ton for reading this crazy thing I'm writing here. I've made some great friends in the Fire Emblem community and I look forward to making more as time goes on.  
**

 **On that note, I've been part of a discord group for quite some time with some other fanfiction folks. If you're interested then feel free to check it out, it's a fun place full of friendly people. Anyone's welcome regardless of writing experience.**

 **discord .gg/9XG3U7a**


	27. Chapter 26

**Hi everyone! Sorry to keep you waiting. I think this is the longest I've gone without updating since I started this story, but to make it up to you I'm giving you the longest chapter I've written yet! Buckle up kiddos, we're in for a ride.**

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"Gaius." I stare back at my new companion from my position at the front of the group.

"Chuckles?" He tilts his head quizzically.

"How many people did you say were attacking the library again?" I peer around the corner that leads to the library, trying to do a quick count. The number I arrive at is far higher than I was planning for.

"I think it was like… a dozen. Maybe a little more." Gaius frowns thoughtfully.

I roll my eyes. Yeah I think it's safe to say that he fucked this one up. "Hm. Cordelia, your estimate?"

"Twenty seven. Twelve axes, nine spears, five swords, two archers, and a mage." Cordelia replies instantly, peering around the corner next to me. At my blank stare she raises an eyebrow. "Taking accurate count of the enemy is an important part of my job as a Pegasus Knight, you know."

"Damn." Gaius lets out a low whistle. "Looks like they rounded up some backup. Must still be having trouble breaking in."

I lean in past Cordelia, taking another look at the situation. "Not for much longer. Those axes are tearing the door apart. I assume there's a barricade on the other side, but I can't say for sure."

"They've definitely set tables in front of the door." Cordelia squints, trying to gather details past the mass of Plegians stalking around in the hallway. "I can't tell how good their barricade is, but they definitely have a spear wall set behind it. I can see the points come out now and again."

"Whatever they have, it won't be good enough if that mage knows any fire spells." Severa says with a grimace. "As soon as he has an opening he can burn right through the wall. Hell, he could probably burn down the whole library without trying."

I inhale sharply. "Shit, she's right. No chance of biding our time then." I look back to the others. "Do we have any sort of ranged option?"

"I can throw my spear, but then I'll have no offensive option." Cordelia replies.

"Two throwing axes." Severa chimes in. "They won't be too reliable in that crowd though."

"I've got something that might do the trick." Gaius reaches into a pouch on his belt and draws a few small throwing knives. "They're not usually good for much more than a distraction, but those mage types don't usually go for armor, right? I bet I can cause some damage."

"Right then." I frown as I mull things over. It's not an easy situation. The hallway leading to the Library is devoid of any other entrances. Devoid of windows as well, meaning the Pegasus Knights have no way of knowing that this little siege is happening. Just a straight shot down an empty hallway to nearly two dozen armed enemies. I don't think there's a plan I can come up with that won't put us all in ludicrous amounts of danger. If it wasn't for that fucking mage I'd have nothing to do with this.

"Wait a little longer, until they're almost through the door. By then they'll all be focused on the Library, and we can ambush them. Cordelia, if you see that mage start to move then say the word and we rush them. Gaius, you target that mage. They're priority one. If you have knives to spare afterwards then try to deal with the archers."

Gaius and Cordelia nod, and I turn to Severa and Ruth. "Severa, as much as it pains me to say it, you need to hold back here with Ruth. She's in no state to be on her own."

"What?" Severa gapes in shock. "But I can help!"

"I wouldn't be asking this if there was any other option." I frown. "In terms of strength I'm the one we need on those frontlines the least, and I know that, but I can't stay with her." I turn my gaze to the shaking maid and she seems to shrink nervously. Yeah, I think she's had enough of men for the evening. More than enough. "I won't put her through that."

Ruth sobs helplessly at my words, "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's not your fault." I say gently. "You're okay, okay?" She falls silent at that, but still cries quietly into Severa's shoulder. "That's it, it's alright. Just stay here so Severa can take care of you."

Severa opens her mouth to protest but after thinking it over she falls silent in the end. She knows as well as I do what we need to do. If we're going to keep Ruth safe while we charge in here, it means leaving either Cordelia or Severa behind, and as strong as Severa is Cordelia is far stronger still. A part of me feels guilty for forcing that comparison on her. But I can't let that stop from doing our job. Not with lives on the line.

Clearly Severa feels the same, because she steps back without protest, standing next to Ruth protectively. "You." She snaps out, pointing at Cordelia irritably.

"Yes?" Cordelia frowns as she looks down at the teenager.

"If anything happens to him while I'm stuck here, I'm kicking your ass."

"Aww, she does care!" I stage whisper loudly, prompting a smirk from Gaius.

Severa's face falls flat. "You know what, never mind, let him die."

"I'll be fine, Severa." I become more serious. "I'll be right in view the whole time. It won't be like before."

"Better not be." Severa mutters.

A hand on my arm draws my attention back towards Cordelia and the hallway. "We need to move now."

"Right." I nod grimly, drawing my sword. "Quick and quiet as long as they haven't spotted us. Our best chance comes from ambushing these bastards."

"Shit." Gaius curses, drawing his knives. "Mage is moving. Double time." He darts off ahead of us, forcing Cordelia and I to follow as best as we can.

Turns out that while Cordelia can't run at my level for the most part, she does have something of a knack for sprinting over a short distance. She pulls ahead of me quickly, rushing behind Gaius as best as she can, leaving me to bring up the rear. I grit my teeth as I try to keep up without making a racket. I was planning to be the one leading the charge.

Probably for the best that I'm not though.

I'm halfway down the hallway when Gaius finally takes his chance to throw his knives. The mage, who was starting to approach the door, falls to the ground with a choked gurgle as one finds its mark in her neck. The crowd of soldiers falls silent in confusion at their fallen foe. Start to turn around. Gaius' second round of knives snap the bowstring of one of the archers, and blinds him in one eye as he looks our way. The unfortunate man falls back screaming, and everything descends into chaos.

Since Gaius slowed down to throw his knives, he and Cordelia hit the group of soldiers at the same time. The tactics are vastly different, however. Gaius darts in and stabs a man under the arm. He slips into the middle of the group, hamstrings two people, and then dodges out again before anybody really knows what's happened. From there he starts fighting defensively as attentions focus his way.

Cordelia on the other hand, demands attention right from the beginning, her spear darting out as she lets out a fierce cry. Her weapon is a blur as always, and she kills two men in seconds before they organize themselves enough to defend.

That's roughly the point when I reach them. Unlike the others though, I don't go for the kill. I don't know what that'll do to my head and it's far too early to risk it.

I do something much stupider instead: bellow like a lunatic and tackle the first two men I see. With how packed together they are, I figure I can get a lot of mileage out of the move. Not normally recommended when rushing superior numbers, but these men haven't had a chance to brace themselves yet. Hell, they still don't really know what's happening.

The men I hit are sent sprawling into those behind them, and from there a sort of domino effect occurs. Soldiers stagger back throughout the little mob they've rounded up, and while only the first two men I hit are knocked to the ground, the group as a whole is sent back a few steps.

And since those men are looking our way now, they find themselves hit in the back by the group of castle guards that erupt from the library doors. "Holy shit!" I gasp as I stumble backwards. "I was just trying to catch their attention, I didn't think they'd start a pincer attack already!" Apparently seeing the thugs turn their back to the doors was all the opportunity the guards needed to go on the offensive. Whatever Frederick and the other knights are teaching these guys, they clearly don't fuck around.

It seems almost comical the way this group of enemies is getting tossed around, but it all comes down to formation. These Plegians haven't encountered much of an organized resistance to this point, killing mostly surprised guards and unarmed civilians. They're less like trained soldiers and more like common thugs. With time to rally the guards are able to mount a proper retaliation, and after at least an hour of running rampant the Plegians are just not mentally prepared for that.

Well, most of them aren't. There's a small group of men on one side of the hall that seem to be attempting to fight back, using their remaining spears to maintain space, but the core of the enemy force is shattered. The guards fall upon them as they struggle to turn back the way they were facing originally, and those few Plegians not currently caught up in a fight decide to make a run for it.

Two men rush me, one with a sword and the other with an axe. The axe user I recognize as the archer Gaius half blinded, his face and hands a mess of blood. Clearly he was grabbing at his injury; an action that proves to be a mistake as his axe slips from his fingers as he swings at me.

I dodge the blow, and ignore the man for the moment as he scrabbles for his fallen weapon. The sword user is decidedly more skilled, but every bit as panicked. He flails desperately, and I find myself stuck on the defense. The duel rapidly becomes annoying to me, as his attacks are more clumsy than dangerous. Still, they're fast enough that I can't get a hit in…

That's not true though, is it?

Truth is I could end somebody fighting at this level pretty easily at this point. It's just my fucking head holding me back. I'm hesitating because a part of me doesn't want to put myself through killing again. If that means potentially losing to this goddamned loser though…

"No, that's wrong!" I hiss in frustration. "Not for pride, not again. It has to be-" I gasp as I see my other opponent approaching again, axe in hand. I took too long! They're both right on top of me!

"FUCK!" I yelp in panic, twisting beneath the flailing sword in front of me and lashing out blindly. I'm rewarded with a pained shriek, the man falling back out of my line of sight. That should give me a brief window of time to deal with the axe. I leap back from the wild swing of the heavier weapon, and dart in as the man's momentum carries him a bit too far. He twists to compensate for his overbalancing, but he hasn't had nearly enough time to learn how to adapt to missing an eye. Before he can face me again properly, I've brought my hand axe up in one smooth motion, from my hip straight into the big blind spot on the side of his head.

My vision swims for a moment, but I shrug it off immediately. No time for freaking out, I've still got the other guy to deal with… ugh. I grimace in shock as I direct my attention back to the sword user. It looks like my hit was far more effective than I thought. It didn't just drive him back, it completely disembowelled him. The man whimpers in front of me, sword left aside, desperately pawing at the guts bleeding all over the floor.

When I cut his head off I try to view it as a mercy. It… doesn't entirely work. My mind fills with visions of that night. Not great. Still, the fighting hasn't stopped yet, so I need to…

My stomach suddenly roils in agony. "Oh fuck." I stagger backwards, and just barely have time to brace against the wall before I throw up on the ground.

That was… ugh, that fucking sucked! The way he kept grabbing for them, sobbing away… it reminds me of that guy who hit me with my own axe back at Kidnapper's Keep. The blank stare he gave me as his guts tangled around his feet…

I vomit again. Then again after that. One of the Plegians runs by as I stagger, but he seems more preoccupied with escaping than stopping to pick another fight. Gaius runs past me in pursuit, yelling something that I don't quite manage to make out.

"Auuuugh." I groan as I regain my footing. I look back towards the fight. The last few stragglers are getting finished off by Cordelia and the guards. The group that managed to organize themselves fights back desperately as spears press in on all sides, but there's only six of them left, and they're steadily being herded further away from the library.

Then, as if some invisible switch is flipped, the guards fall back, putting a wide berth between themselves and the Plegians. The Plegians pause, confused, but swiftly turn to run for the hallway. They barely manage two steps between the lot of them before they're consumed by a pillar of fire.

"A far from satisfying conclusion after the trouble they've caused me." Miriel says with thinly veiled irritation as she appears at my side. "Still, I am relieved that this particular ordeal is over. You have my gratitude for your timely appearance, Ben."

I wave a hand absentmindedly in response, spitting bile from my mouth.

"Hmm, you are unwell. An illness perhaps? Something you ate? Ah, or could this be a physical manifestation of your recent current mental condition?"

Hmm. Not the sort of wording I care for. Still, she has the right of it. I hold up three fingers, not trusting my self to speak.

"Fascinating." She nods as she takes in my appearance. "I shall have to inquire further once the castle is cleared of these invaders. Ah, but in the meantime, I believe I have a solution to your predicament."

I keep my gaze fixed firmly on the floor, so she can't see the face I pull. Not really looking forward to whatever crazy scheme she's coming up with at… the… moment.

I blink in surprise. A hand is on my back.

Miriel's rubbing my back.

"There, there." Miriel intones drily. "Everything will be satisfactory. You have done well. Your health will be at optimal levels before long."

I promptly burst out laughing.

"How interesting! A far more positive reaction than even I anticipated." Miriel stares at her hand in wonder. "Clearly this 'emotional support' I have been studying is exceedingly potent."

"Never change Miriel, never change." I chuckle as I straighten up.

"A foolish notion." Miriel sniffs indignantly. "Am I to simply stay frozen in this place for the rest of my life? I have no interest in limiting myself in such a way."

"Turn of phrase." I reply, "But we can stop to decipher that one later." I take one final look up and down the hallway. The guards are splitting up into groups, with some bringing wounded back into the Library and others pulling the dead to one side, keeping the hallway clear. Cordelia is being brought inside with the wounded, though there's no clear injuries that I can see. Still, my crazy plan did see her taking on the worst of the fighting, so I can't help but worry.

"Are you hurt?" A voice calls out behind me. I turn the other way and see Severa approaching, Ruth following closely behind. "You don't look hurt."

"Not a scratch, somehow." I reply, looking myself over to confirm.

"Good, then I'm moving on. There is no way I'm going near… that." She eyes the mess at my feet with a disgusted look and carries on to the library. Heh. What a brat.

"Don't feel too bad, she was freaking out a moment ago." Gaius calls over, dragging the body of the Plegian he was chasing to rest with the others. The man clearly took a few hits in the middle of that fuster-cluck. He's favoring one leg, and has a black eye that already appears to be swelling.

"Holy shit Gaius, you alright?"

"I've had worse." Gaius waves my concern away, wiping his hands on his trousers. "Though I wouldn't say no to some medical attention. Oh, by the way, here." He dips a hand into a pouch on his belt and tosses something my way. I jolt and barely manage to catch it before it falls in the mess on the floor. "Nice reflexes." He teases. "Anyways, figure that'll help get that puke taste out of your mouth."

I stare down at my hands. It's a candy, wrapped in paper. "You're a goddamned hero, you know that?" I grin, popping the sweet into my mouth. Bland by the standards of my homeworld… but I haven't been living in my world for a long time, so it tastes pretty goddamn magical. Some sort of crystalized honey thing that melts on my tongue.

"Don't sweat it." Gaius shrugs, "I've got plenty more where that came from. So do we have any doctors in that dusty old room back there or is that just where everyone's hiding until this all blows over?"

"Lissa and Maribelle were with me when the attack began." Miriel answers. "They are both proficient in healing magic."

Gaius nods at that. "I'll head in then. 'Preciate it, Specs." He staggers off towards the library, whistling away.

"A curious fellow." Miriel comments idly, watching him leave. After a moment she sorts her head out again and turns back to me. "Now then, if you have already been sent to relieve us, am I correct in assuming that this incident is drawing to a close?"

"Not to my knowledge, no." I sigh. "We didn't have the numbers to relieve the Exalt, so we're helping where we can. How many guards do we have?"

"Thirty two of the castle guard present are capable of serving!" A voice calls to my right. An older man wearing the armor of a higher rank guard salutes as I turn my attention on him. "Apologies for interrupting, sir. Sergeant First Class Jeremy, of the castle guard."

"Ben, of the Shepherds." I frown, throwing back a salute that feels sloppy by comparison. "So that puts you right below the Captain of the Guard, right?" I rack my brain trying to remember what I've read on Ylissean military ranking.

"That is correct, sir." Jeremy nods, still holding his salute. "As soon as I realized we were being invaded I rallied as many guards as I could find and evacuated non-combatants to the library."

"Uhh, right, good work." I shift uncomfortably under his gaze. "Uhh… At ease, Sergeant."

"Thank you, sir." Jeremy relaxes only a little bit, dropping his arm but holding fairly rigid.

I sigh, realizing that this is the attitude I'll have to expect for the rest of the night. Where Shepherds fit into the military hierarchy is currently a little bit complicated depending on who you ask. The more religious people hold us in high regard due to our proximity to Chrom (or rather to the Falchion), while those of a more noble background consider us little more than glorified peasants. The truth is somewhere in the middle, putting us higher than most of the castle guard, but lower than trained knights. Technically Cordelia is the highest ranked person here that I know of (with the obvious exception of Lissa), but I get the feeling that Jeremy here is one of the more superstitious ones.

"Alright, let's get inside so I can figure out what we're working with." I sigh, moving quickly. Not particularly inclined to have a tactical conversation while standing in a pool of my own vomit.

I'm pleased to see that the inside of the library is packed full of people, far more than just the thirty two Jeremy listed. The room is full of those working at the castle, far more than I expected to see. Clearly the Old Sergeant wasn't fucking around with his evacuation plans.

The place was clearly hit by the Plegians before they managed to block the doors though. Several bookshelves have been knocked over, with some tomes having fallen apart from the stress of the impact. One of the far windows at the back is also destroyed, no doubt the one Miriel used to cast that spell she got our attention with. Most telling though is the pile of at least a dozen Plegian bodies not far from the entrance, and that many of the civilians here have injuries, though most are thankfully minor.

The guards paid dearly to ensure that such was the case. For each of the soldiers Jeremy has in fighting condition I spot another that has been wounded, or worse.

"Most of what you see here is the result of our fight to reach the Library." Jeremy reports sadly. "Once we secured the doors we managed to largely avoid injuries, save for that little scuffle just now, but before that…"

"You did everything you could." I say, staring in awe. "This is… incredible work. Truly." I mean it, too. The number of lives saved by these guys is just… amazing. I'm glad our little surprise attack was able to help them in time. If we failed to kill that mage the Plegians brought I have little doubt that many more of these men and women would have died for the sake of these people.

"I'm honored." Jeremy replies softly.

Unfortunately I can't allow myself to remain in awe for any longer than that, knowing the time crunch we're all under. Time to get down to business. "Alright, you said you had thirty two people altogether, right? What sort of training do they have?"

"Our soldiers are all trained primarily to use the spear, sir." The guard frowns, looking suddenly ashamed. "We do not have any specialist units amongst our ranks."

The only way to train that many people efficiently, no doubt. Disappointing, but I'm not about to let it show. "Alright, that makes the organization easier. Does your count include minor injuries?"

"Some, yes. There are some injuries that aren't severe enough to warrant putting additional work on our healers. A few bumps and scrapes, but nothing serious enough to prevent us doing what we need to."

"Alright, next question. How many people does it take to hold that barricade once it's been put back up?"

Jeremy winces. "Against numbers like we just saw, no less than ten."

A high estimate, no doubt. The doors aren't that wide. Still, I won't begrudge him that. There's little doubt in my mind that this is one of the largest rally points in the castle for civilians, and he's had plenty of men and women die to protect them already. "Are there any among the more injured guards who can assist in that? People unfit to move that can still hold a spear."

Jeremy frowns. "You would ask-"

"We go to the Exalt's aid, Sergeant." I cut in, harsher than I'd like. "I need every man that can be spared."

Jeremy's clearly unhappy with the question, but nods. "I'll see what we can do." He moves towards the area where Lissa and Maribelle are working, a line of tables running through the center of the library.

"Your use of harsh logic to sway his thoughts was quite effective." I jump at Miriel's comment; she's been so quiet that I totally forgot she was still following. "I would not have thought to speak to him in such a way."

"You're the most logical person I know." I frown at the mage resentfully.

"I lack the power to manipulate people with my words like you do." Miriel muses. "I do not have your skill for communication."

"Well that's a back-handed compliment if I ever heard one." I grumble, walking further into the room as the guards rebuild the barricade behind me.

"I apologise. I was attempting to be sincere." Miriel frowns.

"There's such a thing as being too honest." I sigh. "Whatever. It doesn't matter now. I just need to figure out what we've got to work with so we can get back out there and help Chrom."

"Indeed." Miriel muses. "I would appreciate the chance to put my skills to proper use. My offensive capacity is dramatically reduced in an area with such a high risk of combustion."

"I imagine Ricken's probably the same." I chuckle, looking around. "Where is that kid anyways? I would have thought he'd be first out the door earlier."

"Not an inaccurate assessment."

I freeze. That is… not a tone I'm used to hearing from Miriel. I look back slowly, feeling somehow like sudden movements are a dangerous thing. And as soon as I get a look at her I find myself feeling vindicated. While Miriel's expression is the same as ever, there's something about it that I can only describe as wrathful.

Oh boy, whatever Ricken did he clearly fucked up in a big way. Wait…

"He didn't get himself hurt, did he?" I whirl back towards the medic tables, looking for the familiar short stature and red hair.

"While I cannot dismiss that as a possibility, I'm afraid I have no way of knowing." Miriel's frown deepens. "My fool of an apprentice rushed from the library as the fighting first started. By his declaration, he was heading to warn Chrom."

"He would have been one of the first people to know though." I blink in confusion. "He'll be one of the primary targets of this assassination attempt, certainly the one most capable of defending himself. If the Plegians brought anyone competent with them they'd go after him first to have the best chance of killing him."

"That was my assessment as well." Miriel nods. "Unfortunately Ricken has developed something of an obsession with accumulating achievements in this war. He wishes to bring honor to his family, and has made a point of risking his life to do so. One need look no further than his first appearance on the battlefield to surmise what I mean."

"That little shit." I sigh in exasperation.

"Quite."

"Alright, well no use dwelling on it for now. We'll ground the little bugger later." I say, shaking my head. "In the meantime…"

"BEN!" I flinch at the sound of Maribelle's furious voice calling out across the library. Miriel suddenly makes herself scarce.

"In the meantime I guess I'm going to die." I look over in alarm to see Maribelle storming over to me. "What's going on, why are you angry?"

"You have a lot of nerve asking a question like that! Bad enough when you send vagrant criminals to my healing tables," she points over to Gaius, who waves sheepishly as Lissa tends to his leg. "But now I find you also have the nerve, the sheer audacity, to demand that our injured return to the front lines!"

"It was hardly a demand!" I protest indignantly. "But if I'm going to get a group together to help Chrom I'm going to need every able body I can get, and that means-"

"I don't care what you _think_ it means!" Maribelle hisses, jabbing a finger into my chest. "If they have been pulled from battle then they will _not_ be returning until they are well! Of all the ludicrous, egotistical ideas-"

"Enough." I growl, grabbing the hand she's prodding me with and meeting her glare with one of my own. "I'll ask them myself."

"You will do no such-"

"I said that's enough, Maribelle!" I snap. "We don't have time to argue about this. The Exalt's life is at stake. They are butchering people out there, and I will not sit by and let it happen."

Maribelle sputters indignantly, but I don't pay her any further mind. "Soldiers of Ylisstol!" I call out, walking towards the injured waiting near the middle of the room. "I am Ben, of the Shepherds. I'm sure most of you recognize me from my time spent running laps at the ass-crack of dawn every day." A few chuckles scatter throughout the room. "Let me say before anything else, I am humbled beyond words to be working with as fine a group of men and women as you. Your work to this point has been nothing short of exceptional. I dearly wish I could let you all rest, content that you have done your part in the defense of this castle and those who live here.

"Unfortunately I cannot. As we speak, many more Plegian assassins are still running amok within our walls. And this cannot stand. Once I have finished speaking I will be gathering as many as we can muster to purge these invaders from our halls. I would not ask you to march with me. I know that such a thing is asking too much of you after all you have done to this point. What I ask instead is this: step back to the barricade, all those who feel able. Become the wall that these people need, that we may leave free of worry. Who here can rise to this challenge?"

There's a round of cries throughout the wounded, and more than a dozen men and women rise to their feet. Several are sat back down shortly after, being willing but not truly able to hold strong. In the end I have seven people still fit enough to wield a spear despite their injuries. Maribelle looks like she dearly wants to tell them all off (and do far worse to me), but it's clear that the weight of the crowd's opinion is already settled. She settles for giving me a murderous glare and storming back towards the tables.

"You have good people here." I comment to Jeremy.

"Thank you, sir." The older man nods curtly.

"Pick five of those still in good condition to support them and we'll take the rest." I nod. "With how quiet the halls were out there, it should be enough to keep this door secure until we've routed these bastards." Hopefully by giving Jeremy a few extra hands to guard the walls it'll ease some of the misgivings he seems to have about leaving.

Jeremy nods and calls his men together, leaving me to my own devices. I busy myself with Miriel, plotting a course through the castle that we can take to reach the Exalt and her defense. Severa and Cordelia join shortly into the discussion, and together we come up with a suitable path of attack.

As we wrap up and go to discuss our plans with Jeremy and his men, Lissa ambushes me.

"I'm going with you guys."

I blink in surprise, looking down at the princess who just jumped into my path. "Hey Lissa, nice to see you too. Yes, I'm doing fine, thanks for asking."

She turns pink, but recovers immediately. "Hey! No distracting me! I said I'm coming with you to go help Chrom and Emm!"

"That certainly is a thing you said." I reply noncommittally, turning to the others. "Cordelia, would you mind talking with…"

"Of course." Cordelia nods and heads over to Jeremy with the others. A part of me was hoping she'd interpret that as a request to deal with Lissa and take care of this for me. Hell, a part of me was requesting that, but Cordelia wisely ignored that part. Looks like I'm on my own.

"Alright talk fast, why should I let you follow me into a war-zone?"

"You should have somebody there to help if there's a medical emergency." Lissa replies without hesitation.

"Might as well paint a target on your back at that point." I snort. "Attacking the healer is the most obvious dick move in warfare."

"I'll have you to protect me!" She beams up at me. Ha. Flattery.

"I can barely protect myself right now." I shut that one down completely, remembering how I just threw up in the middle of a fight not long ago.

"So we'll both stay near the back and be safe." Lissa nods.

"Lissa, I really don't think-"

"It's my family, Ben." Lissa replies, giving me a firm look. "I'm going if I have to tear through that barricade myself."

Not something she's really capable of. But Lissa is very much a force of nature when she wants to be. With her mind made up like this I really can't do much to dissuade her. Of course that's all just simple justification. Truth of the matter is, I'm a total sucker for the 'family' thing these days.

I groan in frustration, and Lissa knows me well enough to know that means I've agreed, grabbing me in a hug and cheering.

"Alright, okay, but we're going to have somebody ready to bail you out if things go to shit." I say, patting the girl on the back. "Actually, I think I know the perfect guy for the job. Gaius!"

"Putting me back to work already?" Gaius looks over uneasily. "Damn, you're driving me harder than those Plegians did."

"Don't worry I won't ask you to fight… actually before I say anything more, how's the leg?"

"Fit as a fiddle." Gaius gives a few small hops to demonstrate. "The Princess here fixed that sprain up good as new."

"Glad to hear it." I grin. "Because I'm going to need somebody who's good at running when shit's about to go bad, and I think you're the best we have for that."

"Aww, Chuckles, you know me so well!" Gaius grins. "It's like we've known each other our whole lives."

I bark out a laugh at that, and Lissa bursts into a fit of giggles. "Good to know I can count on you. All I need you to do is stay near the back with us. And if things go to shit, you take the Princess and run."

"Oh." Gaius' laughter stops as the weight of the request hits him. "Wait, you're trusting me with the Princess?"

"If anyone can do it, I think you can." I nod. "You're clever, fast, and trustworthy."

"Trustworthy?" Gaius laughs in disbelief. "I've known you for half an hour, tops…" He trails off and looks me in the eyes. His smile melts away. "But you really mean that, huh? Shit." He pauses for a moment, thinking on the request. When he looks back at Lissa and I his eyes are clear. "Okay, I'll do it. Whatever happens, you'll be safe with me, Princess."

* * *

When Maribelle figures out what I've arranged she loses her goddamn mind, but I make a point of being outside the barricade by the time that happens. Gaius has the same idea, leaving the two of us standing awkwardly out in the hall where we can still clearly hear her screaming.

"She… really didn't want Lissa to go, I guess." I say, clearing my throat uneasily.

"Yeah… yeah that's probably what she's mad about." Gaius nods along. Of course from what I recall about the game half the reason she's so mad is probably due to exactly who I've tasked with looking out for the princess, but Gaius and I both choose not to bring that detail up, if for different reasons.

The guards follow me out a moment later, along with Miriel, Cordelia, and Severa. Not quite as much assistance as I was hoping to secure, but we really don't have any more time to waste. I was in that library for nearly fifteen minutes, and lord knows what's been happening upstairs in that time.

Marching formation is decided swiftly, with Severa finally getting her wish and taking point with Cordelia this time. Miriel and Jeremy take position near the middle, and Gaius, Lissa, and I are at the back. Lissa so she can be evacuated if necessary, Gaius to do the evacuating, and me... because I'm an unreliable mess right now. Yay.

"Alright soldiers! Move fast, keep your eyes open, and clear any room that isn't locked as we go. We don't want any Plegians getting ideas about flanking us!" I call out.

"You heard the Shepherd, let's go!" Jeremy echoes, and the guards roar in response, raising their spears and rushing down the hall.

And just like that… I become irrelevant. There are around 30 people between me and any action, and all of them seem to know what they're doing. Most of the remaining Plegians have moved upstairs at this point, focusing on the Exalt, and those that remain are either injured or stupid. Easy pickings for the guards. And the few times when things look dicey Jeremy steps in to command them. Not unexpected, since he knows the way these people work far better than I do, but it doesn't leave me with much to do.

Of course, I'm not so stupid as to think that's really a bad thing. I barely handled two thugs earlier before my fucking PTSD kicked my ass. If there had been a third attacker I'd probably have been killed. Clearly I need to have another talk with Libra once this is all over.

Until then… I guess my daughter has to cover for me. I grimace at the thought even as I watch Severa tear into several Plegians caught trying to break a door down. Letting her and Cordelia lead was absolutely the smart move, but I don't like seeing her fighting up there while I'm stuck at the back feeling helpless.

"Your kid moves well." Gaius comments idly, following my gaze. "You teach her those sword tricks?"

Lissa whirls around and stares at me wide eyed, and I cut in hastily before things get completely out of hand. "She's not actually my kid. She joined the group a month after me and we just became close. My style of fighting is more of a… brute force kind of deal." I know I'm planning on revealing the truth in the very near future, but that doesn't mean I can go letting Lissa know just yet. She'll blow it completely out of proportion and tell everyone in the castle before I've even had a chance to talk to Severa about the situation.

Lissa frowns suspiciously, but has no reason to think my statement is inaccurate, so she looks back towards the soldiers keeping an eye out for injuries. Gaius clearly has questions as well, but he's nothing if not quick on the uptake. He sees my attention towards the princess and immediately registers that whatever is going on between Severa and I is not public information. "Well then." He comments idly, "Whoever taught her did a hell of a job. I doubt I'd stand a chance against her."

"Probably not." I reply. "By Chrom's own admission she's probably more skilled with a sword than he is."

Gaius whistles appreciatively, but Lissa immediately cuts in. "Chrom would still win in a fight though! He's way stronger." It seems Lissa is feeling protective in all regards today. I can't help but chuckle in response, which immediately sets the princess to pouting at me.

"Sir Ben, Princess!" Jeremy's voice cuts in, interrupting us. "We're approaching the main hall!"

"Right." I snap back into focus. "Be on guard! Once we find the primary Plegian offense we must be wary of enemy mages! If they sent one to attack the library they'll have spell casters to spare!"

The group falls into silence. I peer out over the mass of helmeted guards and watch as Severa and Cordelia continue to lead, approaching the door at the end of the hall. The main hall is where most of the fighting will have occurred, and where we'll have the easiest time moving upstairs. It leads right to the main staircase, which leads directly to the throne room. If all goes well we should be able to flank the Plegian group and hit them from behind, much like with the library.

I hear a faint voice scream in pain on the other side of the door. From this far away though I can't tell where the sound comes from. Cordelia looks back from her position beside the door and gestures upwards. The fighting's already moved up the stairs to the throne room then. Good. We'll hit them in the back and flank them opposite Chrom.

Severa throws the door open and the guards rush past her, spears at the ready just in case. Cordelia and Severa are forced to fall back as the initial tide of bodies push through too quickly for them to fall in. When they find their chance to slip back into the crowd they're level with Miriel and Jeremy.

That may be the only thing that saves their lives.

I realize as I enter the hall that we're not the only ones there. Most of the fighting is happening at the stairs near the end of the hall, barely in sight, but there's a small group making their way through the hall in the wake of the fighting. Three men wearing mage robes, guarded by four heavily armored knights. That's all I have time to see before the front lines of my group are blasted by spell fire.

"PLEGIAN SORCERERS! SCATTER!" I hear Jeremy's voice call out a half second too late, his voice being drowned out before he's finished speaking. The flame magic crackles loudly like wildfire, almost as noisy as the screams of the people burned by it. The wave of heat sends me staggering, forcing me to brace myself against the doorframe as hot air rushes over me for a brief instant that makes my eyes water.

"Pah! Blasted Ylisseans, scurrying out of the woodwork like rats!" A voice snarls in irritation. "I grow weary of these incessant delays."

I pull myself away from the doorway and try to take stock of what happened. Four guards lay dead at the front of the group, bodies scorched and armor glowing red from the heat. Another lies groaning behind them, alive, but not for much longer from the look of him. To the left and right several other guards are thrashing in agony, not critically wounded, but certainly taken out of the fight. Those unlucky souls are being evacuated by the healthy soldiers before the mages can attack again, pulled either past me through the doorway or behind the cover of the pillars that line the wall.

Nearly a third of our force decimated in an instant. What the fuck… How do we deal with this?

"Gaius!" I gasp out, thoughts becoming clear. I whirl around to try and find the princess. She's lying on her back in the hallway, dazed but unhurt. It looks like the blast wave from the fire magic hit her harder than me.

"Way ahead of you." The thief rushes past me, scooping the girl up in his arms.

"…Huh?" Lissa groans groggily, before going rigid in Gaius' arms. "No! WAIT! I CAN HELP THEM!"

"Ah, it would seem fate has granted yet another boon. To deliver yet another of Naga's chosen at my feet! The Fell Dragon looks fondly upon his servant tonight!"

"Shit!" I whirl back around to see the tall mage at the back raise his arms, book in hand. His right hand raises, pointing a sharp manicured nail past me towards the princess. "Oh no you don't!"

I slam the door. I hear the telltale sound of footsteps behind me, signalling that Gaius is making good on his promise and booking it while there's still a chance. I don't get a chance to look though, because even as Gaius' footsteps grow quieter my eyes are fixated on the door that blackens in front of my eyes.

Oh shit, I should probably not be standing here!

I dive away, falling into a roll that is suddenly extended a great deal by the explosion behind me. The door bursts into splinters, which are scattered against the stone around me, though my coat easily stops them from harming me. My head swims as I push up into a kneeling position, just in time to see Gaius round the corner, with a still-struggling Lissa held firmly in his arms. She screams my name as she rounds the corner.

Alright, princess is evacuated. One less thing to worry about.

So now what the fuck do I do? What… what the fuck is even happening? I stagger back to the door, past the soldiers that had sheltered in the hallway, most of which were killed or injured when the door exploded.

We lost nearly a third of our number in the initial blast, and now those still in fighting condition have been cut in half again. While the soldiers cowered behind the pillars the knights advanced, and are taking their time finishing off the wounded we couldn't pull out. At least a dozen capable men and women have died in a matter of minutes.

I… don't understand. We were in control! How did things go to shit so fast? This doesn't make sense!

"Hold strong!" I turn to my left to see Jeremy bellowing at his troops, blood running down the side of his face from a gash across his temple. "Those spellbooks won't mean a damn thing if we can reach them!"

"Your failure to understand your current situation is almost endearing." The mage at the back grins arrogantly. "We are no common mage soldiers, little rat. You face the Grimleal on this night."

Apparently the Grimleal have something of a reputation in Ylisse, because this declaration sends a wave of shock running through the soldiers. Their resolve fades before my very eyes, as the men and women cower behind their cover in fear. Can't say I'm surprised. Pretty sure fear of the Grimleal is half the reason Chrom's shithead dad waged his dumbass war. These people are something like the Ylissean Boogeyman, the subject of stories of monsters that swoop in to punish unsuspecting folks in the night. And the end result of meeting these people in person seems to be a bunch of soldiers with no will to fight left.

Well, we can't have that.

"So, not mages then. Just a bunch of brain dead cultists!" I shout out with a sense of confidence that I do not feel on any fucking level.

The mages turn their attention to focus solely on me with an intensity that has even their own knights shuffling nervously. I flinch internally at the hatred already present in their eyes, but keep my poker face strong. If they're this pissed already, wait until I get going.

"Yeah, you heard me! What, did you think you were important? A pack of slobbering neophytes hiding out in the desert, kissing the sand at the feet of that great stupid dragon corpse you have sitting at the door to that capital of yours? What a fucking joke."

" _How dare you_." The leader of the mages snarls, throwing the hood of his robe and striding forward furiously. "HOW DARE YOU MOCK THE FELL DRAGON IN MY PRESENCE!? I am no mere neophyte, foolish boy! I am Validar, high priest of the Grimleal! I am the one who shall see my lord returned to his rightful place as ruler of this world! You are no more than an insignificant speck in comparison to his glorious form!"

This has to be one of my stupider ideas since coming to this place. I'm not sure the morale of the guards is worth the shitstorm I'm calling down on myself. That said, the satisfaction I get from badmouthing a harbinger of the apocalypse is its own reward. "His form is a big dead skeleton." I wave a hand flippantly. "A glorified diving board for your king to throw prisoners off of. You're just the jackass deluded enough to think that pile of old bones is significant."

Validar screams in indignant rage, and while his mage buddies aren't quite as noisy they manage to follow up pretty well. They raise their arms to attack me, and I find myself diving out of the way of an explosion of flames for the second time in less than five fucking minutes.

What the fuck is it with me and boss characters anyways? Raimi, Ezra, the Super Risen, Validar… I'm starting to notice a pattern and I'm really not liking it. I'm like some kind of magnet for the toughest fuckers on the battlefield.

I come out of my roll fuming at that, and am pulled behind cover by Severa just as Validar throws a bolt of lightning at me. It whizzes past the column we're hiding behind.

"Pay attention, what the hell are you doing?" She snaps at me, curling into my side defensively as flames explode on either side of our pillar.

"Sorry, it just occurred to me that I seem to have a real knack for getting myself into bullshit situations on the battlefield." I muse, slapping at a few stray embers that settle on my coat.

Severa stares up at me blankly. "You're just noticing this _now_?"

"I've never stopped and thought about it before." I shrug, hazarding a glance around the pillar. Another wave of flame is flying at my face. Okay, back into cover we go, holy fuck! "Man, I really pissed them off huh?"

Severa glares at me, not dignifying that with a response, and dives behind the next pillar as soon as the fire stops, leaving me to cower alone. I think she might have reached her capacity for my bullshit for the night. If I'm being honest that took longer than expected.

Another glance around the pillar has me ducking away from a bolt of lightning, which hits the side of the pillar and punches a small hole in the side. "Not dead yet, you hooded douchebags!" I bellow, getting more incoherent screaming in reply. I look back to the rest of my companions as more fire explodes around my pillar. "You know, if somebody could kindly kill a few of these pricks while I'm drawing their fire it would be very much appreciated!" I shout loudly, making it clear how unhappy I am with the current situation.

"There's no opening!" Cordelia cries in response. She leans to the side of her cover and pulls back just before a bolt of lightning can take her down. "They're not nearly as focused on you as they want us to think!"

"I can't risk sending my people out there!" Jeremy calls from my left. "We've lost too many already! At this point we won't even have enough numbers to support the prince!"

"In case you haven't noticed, this is the guy in charge of this fucking operation!" I snap back impatiently. "Killing him will stop any chance of this attack succeeding."

"Ben is likely correct!" Miriel calls from further down. "A Grimleal High Priest holds more power in Plegia than a general! Killing him will be a crippling blow to their forces."

"That doesn't do us a damn bit of good if we can't get near the son of a bitch!" Jeremy roars back.

"Oh, for crying out loud!" Severa snaps impatiently. "Do I have to do everything myself?"

I turn back just in time to see her run out into the open. "What the hell? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Saving the day, what does it look like?" Severa snaps out, narrowly dodging spellfire as she rushes to the middle of the hall, keeping a wide berth from the knights and dark mages. I try to move to help her, but the fucking dark mages haven't forgotten how much they seem to hate my fucking guts, and they force me back into cover. I'm forced to watch helplessly as my daughter runs in the open, as Validar calmly sends spell after spell at her. Cordelia attempts to aim her spear, but the dark mage calmly switches targets to her before she can throw. From their vantage point they can easily shift their aim to whoever pokes their head out from… the pillars.

Wait.

Cordelia's on the far left, Miriel the far right, and Severa and I were in the middle. So now…

"Cordelia! Miriel!" I yell out, getting their attention. I pull out my hand axe and hold it up to make my intentions clear. "Simultaneous!"

Now that Severa's running around, Validar's attention has been drawn in the opposite direction from the rest of our group! Which means that there's only two mages left to attack our group and three of us with ranged options!

Cordelia and I both step out and aim with our weapons, but are driven back by gouts of flame.

Which leaves Miriel free to cast her spell in peace. A bolt of lightning flies from her fingertips, and I roar in triumph… which turns into a yell of outrage as one of the knights throws themselves in front of the spell. He's reduced to a smoking heap, falling to the ground with a loud clatter of armor which would be pretty goddamn satisfying if it _didn't leave the two mages free to keep fucking shooting at us!_

"Goddam fucking zealot bastards!" I scream in frustration, "I've fucking had it with you!" I decide to take a leaf from my daughter's book, and run out into the open like a lunatic. It takes the mages only a moment to turn from their fallen comrade and resume their attempt to vaporise me, but by then I've got the momentum I need to make sure that doesn't happen. The fireball sent my way explodes at my heels instead of hitting me directly, the heat rushing over my back in a wave before dissipating harmlessly.

"Another rat to scamper about at my heels." Validar sighs impatiently. "I rapidly find myself tiring of this." He turns back to Severa. "First, I shall deal with you." He raises his hand and a orb of purple energy forms in the air, crackling with electricity.

"Don't you fucking dare!" I snarl, darting around as the dark mages attempt to hit me. Miriel uses the opening to blast them again, but this time one of them simply counters with magic of his own. The other suddenly turns aside from me as well, driving Cordelia away yet again, and the sudden lack of fireballs and lightning bolts is startling enough that I almost trip on my goddamn feet. And then, just as I think for the briefest of moments that I'll have a chance to stop Validar, one of the remaining knights blindsides me, decking me in the face and sending me tumbling.

"Now or never soldiers! Rush the Plegian bastards!" I hear Jeremy yell behind me as I try to regain my senses. The mage not being harassed by Miriel looks past me worriedly as the castle guard comes running, but before I can see whether he'll try anything else the knight's on me again, and I'm forced to focus on the man in front of me rather than the battle as a whole.

A spear flies at my face, drawing a line of blood along my jawbone as I barely manage to twist to the side, head still ringing from the gauntleted punch I just took. I attempt to swat the spear aside with my sword, but he manages to pull it back in time, taking it in both hands and trying to cross-check me with it. I drop my sword in time to catch it, though he sends me skidding backwards for a moment, driving me away from my weapon. Doesn't stop me feeling strangely triumphant at blocking his move though.

"Bitch, I grew up in hockey country." I grin savagely, wrestling for control of the spear. "You can't fucking cross-check me, I learned that move when I was like, five." The knight pauses for a moment, looking at me in complete confusion (probably trying to figure out what hockey is). I take the opportunity to use another move I've learned, though this is one Frederick taught me. I step back, throwing my weight to one side, which catches the heavier knight off balance. From there I twist the spear, tearing it from my opponent's hands. With all that fucking plate he's wearing he doesn't have the flexibility to save himself, and he crashes to the ground leaving his weapon in my arms.

Before he can even think about recovering I've already thrown said weapon aside (because my abilities with a spear are honestly still rubbish), and retrieved my sword. I don't even take the time to kill him; with his weapon gone he's not a priority anymore. I need to get to Validar.

I look back to the others. The guards are struggling to get through the armor of the other two knights. Miriel is battering at one of the mages, attacking relentlessly as their defences grow feebler. Cordelia has just struck the other mage in the shoulder with a spear. Severa is dodging around Validar's spell. Validar calmly makes a gesture with his hand.

Validar's spell turns in midair and hits my daughter.

She screams.

Then falls silent.

And when the spell vanishes she lays still.

I.

She.

What?

That's not.

That didn't just.

That was my daughter.

She just.

No.

No.

 ** _No._**

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO?"

Validar turns around just in time to see my throwing axe strike him in the chest. He falls back with a cry of agony.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" I rush the fucker.

The mage Cordelia hit earlier tackles me before I can get close, throwing me off balance and hanging off me like a fucking leech. The last of my patience immediately expires. Words are suddenly overrated. I forgo coherency at this point and just bellow at the top of my lungs as I stab the dark mage in the back repeatedly.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

By the time he's slumped to the ground a few seconds later I've torn his back to shreds. I rip my sword from his back one final time, . Stomp on his head. When it doesn't burst like I want it to I consider, for the briefest of moments, pausing to mutilate the body further.

Then I remember the real target of my hatred, and leave the fucker to bleed out.

Validar is still staggering back to his feet when I reach him. The wound in his chest is bleeding everywhere, but he doesn't seem to be letting it stop him yet.

Fine. I'm not close to done either.

Validar sees my sword coming and throws himself aside just before my sword can take off his head. Instead I tear through his clothing and shear a strip of flesh from his shoulder, not nearly enough to even hinder his movement. He attempts to fire a spell in retaliation; a bolt of lightning at point blank range. But I easily twist aside and slash at the hand he uses to attack me. Another narrow dodge; he gets away with only losing a few fingers.

Validar switches tactics at this point, blasting me with a sudden wall of wind that throws me backwards and creates a good bit of distance between the two of us. For a moment I think he's about to get the chance he needs to take me down, but an orb of lightning flies past me and hits him in the shoulder, sending him stumbling away. Miriel's finished with the other mage, apparently.

A hand appears at my shoulder, helping me up as Jeremy and the remaining guards rush past me. It's Cordelia. She looks me in the eye as I get to my feet, and it's enough to push the rage that was driving me back. It's still there, but it hardly seems so important at the moment.

"I'm so sorry, Ben." Cordelia says, grief written plain across her face.

"I…" My chest tightens, and for a moment I feel like I'm going to break down on the spot. I gently push Cordelia to the side before that can happen. "Not yet. I'll grieve once he's dead."

Cordelia's hand lingers on my back a moment longer, then moves to grip her spear. "Of course." She says calmly, suddenly all business. "Then I'll do what I can to ensure you have that chance as soon as possible."

The gratitude I feel towards her is pushed aside to the same place I'm keeping my grief locked away in. The anger I feel is bottled up as well. Now that the initial shock has worn off and I'm feeling more rational (if only slightly), I recognize the need to not let my emotions rule me until this is all over. To not fall back into that state that's been haunting me for months. When I advance this time, it's with a clear head.

Cordelia, true to her word, has already advanced ahead of me, following after Jeremy and the others. Validar is on the run now, casting spells on the move as the guards clamor to finish him off. In spite of this he still somehow seems to retain the upper hand. In the brief time I've been out of the fight he's killed another three people. Only Jeremy and three of his soldiers remain, with Cordelia and I struggling to catch up and Miriel still firing past us whenever she finds an opening.

Finally, as I draw level with Cordelia again, one of the guards hurls a spear taken from a fallen comrade, and manages to strike Validar in the leg. He stumbles, his latest counterattack flying wide and crashing somewhere behind us, and the guards fall upon him. Before he can turn properly, another spear strikes him in the side. Jeremy's spear follows, though Validar manages to twist aside before the blow can take his eye out. Even as he avoids this attack though, the next guard is thrusting, poised to strike him in the heart, and Validar's eyes widen as the death blow approaches-

Before an explosion of black flames erupts from the ground around him and send the soldiers flying back! "ENOUGH!" He roars, sending the flames rushing towards Cordelia and I with a violent gesture, and all too late I find myself remembering that Sorcerers in this world have an annoying tendency to become more powerful the more injured they are.

When the flames hit me, they don't burn like I expect. It feels instead like being struck with a sledgehammer and being dunked in a tub of ice water all at once. Battering force combined with a horrible feeling of _wrongness_ , like this power that's hitting me shouldn't even exist.

I'm thrown through the air, screaming in alarm, and sent skidding across the ground. My head jolts as I land, and between this and the punch I took earlier I'm almost certainly concussed by now. I attempt to sit up and immediately drop when the pain in my head spikes and I suddenly feel like I'm about to throw up. Yeah… definitely concussed then. And from the way Cordelia seems to be groaning beside me I doubt she's any better.

I lay staring at the ceiling for a moment or two, hoping that my head will stop swimming so I can get back in the fight. Somewhere off to my left I hear the telltale sounds of fire and lightning, before another voice cries out in pain.

…Miriel. That was Miriel. Now that Validar's channeling all that pain into his spellcasting it looks like even she was no match for him. And if she's been taken down… damn. I guess that's it, then.

I hear footsteps approaching, and some sort of gargling sound. Sitting's still a no-go, so I prop myself on my elbows instead, painful still but manageable. Validar approaches, limping at first, but with a gait that grows steadier as time goes on. The reason becomes clear as he gets closer and my vision improves; he holds the body of one of the soldiers in his hand. Her body seems to be withering away, and Validar's wounds close in tandem. The gargling was the sound she made as he drained her life force. A Nosferatu spell.

"You should never have come here." Validar snarls as he stops a short distance away from us, dropping the dead soldier at his feet. "You were never meant to be here. Emmeryn was supposed to be an easy target. To attack me was tantamount to interfering with fate itself! And now, for your arrogance, you will pay."

His hand raises, his remaining fingers dripping with his blood as he points them at me. "You will pay for interfering in my designs!" He states coldly, energy gathering around his hand.

Before he can gloat any further, a loud roar interrupts, sending a spike of pain through my head and distracting Validar from his execution. He turns in the direction of the sound, and for the briefest of instants his eyes bulge almost comically.

Then what I can only describe as a furry car hits him so hard that he's carried out of my line of sight before I can even realize what's happened to him. By the time I've turned my aching head to face him Validar is already being dealt with. A razor toothed rabbit, larger than a horse, has Validar's head in his jaws and is shaking his body like a ragdoll. When the screaming Validar attempts to cast a spell on the rabbit they show their disapproval by lifting and slamming his body against the floor with a meaty thud. For the briefest of instants the arm raises again, if feebly.

The rabbit jerks their head one last time and snaps his neck. His body goes limp. And then, in a flash of light, the rabbit disappears, and it's a woman standing over Validar's body instead. She glares disdainfully down at the mage and spits a glob of his blood out of her mouth. "Foul." She mutters, before turning her glare to me instead. "Lie down, idiot man-spawn. You're clearly injured."

"I've had worse." I reply, though I do lay my head down like she asks. "Like, so much worse. Though I suppose that almost wasn't true. Thank you."

A thundering of footsteps approaches from out of sight, nearly drowning out the disdainful scoff that answers my show of gratitude. "Save your thanks, man-spawn. I have no need or desire for them."

I take my time thinking of a suitably sarcastic reply, but that proves to be enough for Virion to appear over me, fretting nervously.

"Mon dieu! Are you quite alright, my friend?" Virion frets, attempting to help me up.

"Concussion." I reply woozily, clumsily pushing his arms away. "Pretty sure I'm better off than most."

"That is a relief to hear." Virion gives me a half-hearted smile. "Worry not, the fair Lady Exalt has just arrived."

I'm about to ask what that means when a wave of white light suddenly flies over my head, and suddenly I find the fog in my head dissipating. I sit up tentatively with some help from and my head is free of pain. To my right I see Cordelia in a similar situation, being helped up by Sumia. She rubs her head shakily, and turns to meet my eyes.

The distraction of battle leaving my mind feels like a punch to the gut. "Severa." I whisper in horror. Then I throw myself away from Virion and start scrambling on all fours towards my daughter.

It's no surprise when I find Noire already there, though the additional presence of Laurent, Kjelle, and Lucina does surprise me, if only momentarily. Lucina sees me coming and steps forward, glaring in my direction. I determine immediately that her stupid grudge can fuck right off at the moment, and bulldoze past her before she can start snapping at me again.

Noire looks up to face me, tears in her eyes, with Severa's head cradled in my lap. I collapse to my knees beside her. My daughter. Oh fuck, that's my daughter. She's still, and quiet, in a way that I've never seen from her before. Normally even when she's being silent there's a noisy sort of energy about her, but it's gone now. She's laying completely still, hands still gripping her sword by the sheath.

Her sheath…?

For some reason that detail distracts me, even though all I should be able to focus on is… But, why did she sheathe her sword? I stare at the sheath in confusion. It doesn't make sense, she was fighting, so why… I notice a gemstone set in the blade, near the sword's hilt.

"It's… it's a staff?" I mutter in bewilderment. She turned her sheath into a staff by setting a gemstone in it. Which means she was casting a spell when she was hit?

"One… of your brighter ideas." A familiar voice mutters. I feel my heart stop for a moment.

"SEVERA!" I yell in alarm, staring in shock as my daughter cracks an eye open to look my way. I make to grab her, but Kjelle barely manages to stop me.

"Stop, uncle! She might be alive but she still needs medical attention." She cautions me, "No getting rough with her." I look back at the others and realize they already knew. I'm the last one here to learn that my daughter is alive.

"Fucking hell!" I explode with both frustration and relief. "I thought you were dead! What the fuck were you thinking running out there like that?"

"Well, somebody needed to distract them!" Severa snaps back irritably, though in her condition it lacks the usual bite. "And I was the only one who could cast Ward, so I- Ugh!" Her protesting gets her too worked up, and she clutches at her ribs in pain.

It proves to be too much for me as well, as I finally lose it completely. She's alive. She's actually alive, she had a plan from the start, and _why the fuck didn't she tell me about it beforehand!?_

"Goddamn it, kiddo!" I grab the hand she's not using to cradle her side and burst into tears. "You're grounded forever!" I let my head drop to the ground as my whole body shakes with sobs.

"What the hell? Stop- stop that!" Severa's hand squeezes mine weakly. "Just, stop it with the crying okay? I'm alive, so- so stop freaking me out!"

I ignore her, gripping her hand back with both of my own like it's a lifeline, even as I sob into the floor. "I love you. I love you so much, kiddo. I'm so glad you're okay."

Severa goes quiet at that for a moment or two. Then squeezes my hands back again. "I love you too, Dad. I'm sorry. I'll be okay."

We remain like that until the medics arrive to bring her to safety.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading.**

 **discord .gg/9XG3U7a**


	28. Chapter 27

**Apologies for the wait everyone, the holidays were not nearly as conducive to productivity as they were last year.**

* * *

Once the fight is over I do whatever I can to slip away. It takes some time, as Frederick, Virion, Chrom, and many of the other Shepherds seem determined to talk. For most of them a few words is enough to pacify them, though I have a proper conversation with Chrom to talk about Gaius. As soon as I've confirmed that the thief's life won't be in danger I disappear. It's a bit of a shitty thing to do, but I have no patience to spare. There's plenty of work to be done still, more than enough to keep the others busy and let me sneak off to the infirmary.

By the time I've arrived Maribelle has moved her temporary station in the Library here, and is managing things as her patients are transported into proper beds. Maribelle holds a lot of clout within the castle as a medic, apparently. Not as much the head physician, but trusted all the same. And her complete lack of tolerance for bullshit means that she's spreading her influence throughout the castle. Every bedroom in the castle is within the scope of her ambitions, and she claims them one by one without mercy.

A fun way to say that there aren't enough beds in the infirmary for all the wounded. Hooray.

Unfortunately, even with all the work she has to do, Maribelle still manages to catch me before I can sneak my way over to Severa's room. "You have some nerve, showing your face around here after all you've done!" She barks at me, cornering me against the wall. "What, have you come to recruit more soldiers from the dying? Not satisfied yet with the fools you've already indoctrinated into your self-destructive ways?"

A part of me wants to snap back at her, but a moment's thought reminds me that she has every right to be upset with me. I essentially spat in her face by going over her head and drafting injured men to fight, even if they never left the room they were treated in. And honestly, even if I did want to pick a fight with her, I really don't have the energy for it anymore. "I just want to see Severa." I reply listlessly. "I need to see Severa."

Maribelle looks like she's ready to tear into me, but after a moment seems to decide that I look miserable enough already. "She can't be seen at the moment." She says with a sigh. "She needed enough internal healing that we were forced to perform surgery. She will be fine!" She exclaims, cutting off my panic before it can properly start. "Ben, my word as a healer, her life is not in danger. But the fact remains that until they are finished you cannot be near her."

"Sanitation." I croak. "I understand."

"You'd be one of the few." Maribelle sighs again. I get the impression it'll be too damn long before she stops doing that. All the fighting I've been doing is nothing compared to the work that her, Lissa, and the other healers have been busy with.

"Put me to work in the meantime." I say, coming to a sudden decision. "I'll stay here and make myself useful until I can see her."

Maribelle blinks in surprise, then gives me a small smile. "I'd appreciate that Ben, thank you."

I spend the next three hours hauling furniture out of rooms to make space for more beds. As soldiers trickle in I start drafting anyone who isn't immediately busy to relay crap all the way to the main hall where it won't be in the way. After a while of this the Church is finally allowed to come in and offer their aid, along with a fuckton of portable cots. It catches me off guard at first, but I'm reminded shortly afterwards that the church is responsible for training most healers in the Halidom.

By the time that work is done I find that Maribelle has already fallen asleep after being relieved by the healers from the church. It ticks me off a bit, but I'm well aware that the poor girl's been kept far too busy already. One of the church members directs me to Severa's room instead, where I grab a seat by the bed and finally get a chance to sit down for a while.

Severa looks… pale, but peaceful. She sleeps soundly, though a quick look at her medical information tells me that the brat was put to sleep with magic for not sitting still. According to the few details I managed to wring out of Maribelle, along with my knowledge from my time in Ferox, surgery is far safer than it is back home (which is saying a lot by the standards of modern medicine). Complications are rare since most of the work is done with healing staves, and as a general rule surgery is only necessary for delicate internal work and for examining what's wrong with a patient to begin with.

The statistics are strangely skewed when it comes to survival rates here. Compared to home, the chances of dying before reaching a medic are disastrously high, but once a patient is seen by a medic their chances of survival are the same as home or even higher. Magic can fix some crazy shit, apparently.

It's not perfect, of course. The nature of healing magic means that few healers know much of anything about sustained care or things such as life support (a problem I suffered from first hand). And of course the fee for a healer's service often costs more than a goddamn house if you don't have a noble footing the bill like the knights and Shepherds do. From what I've heard Emmeryn is pushing for a healthcare plan, but she hasn't gained much traction yet…

I'm getting distracted. I shake my head clear and refocus on my daughter's medical information, doing my best to ignore the way the words seem to blur on the page in front of me. I'm too fucking tired to be trying to parse this shit out right now.

All information points to what Maribelle already told me. She'll be fine. Out of commission for a while, but fine nonetheless. A full recovery.

"God, that was stupid of you." I mutter, looking over to her sleeping face. "And the worst part is I know I can't even get that mad with you. Because I already put you through worse. You came out of your reckless dumbass decision a hell of a lot better than I did."

A light knock on the door disrupts my train of thought. I turn to see Chrom standing in the doorway. "How is she?"

"According to this?" I hold the papers up, "She'll be back to normal in a week or two as long as Lissa or Maribelle keep an eye on her."

"That's good." Chrom shows a relieved smile which quirks a little bit as he steps into the room. "You know, Frederick was furious with you for sneaking off. Also that whole situation with Gaius, though I've mostly sorted that out now."

"Eh, if Frederick has a problem with me he can come tell me himself." I shrug.

"He can't at the moment, actually." Chrom shrugs. I give him a questioning look and he explains, "None of the Shepherds know you're here yet. Cordelia told me I'd probably find you here, but she seems to be keeping quiet on the topic."

"Bless that woman." I grin, falling back into my chair. "Lord knows I don't have the patience for all of this anymore."

"I can relate. It's a wonder I was able to get away at all." Chrom nods, taking a seat next to me and groaning in relief. "Naga, that feels good after this damnable night."

We sit in companionable silence for a while, content to revel in the feeling of just relaxing for a change. After a while though, I feel like I should say something. "For what it's worth, I am sorry for leaving. Well, a little bit at least. I just… had to be here."

"I understand." Chrom nods. "She's your daughter, after all."

I blink in surprise. "Well, not officially. Not yet, at least. I was going to talk to her about it after this mess was over. Was it that obvious?"

"Well, it was either daughter or lover. And I've seen you shrug off my sister's flirting often enough that I feel confident you're not looking for romance at the moment."

"Definitely not." I reply calmly. Wait, did he just say... "Hold on, Lissa was flirting with me? I thought she was just being friendly!"

Chrom stares at me blankly. "Ben, she may be friendly with everyone in the Shepherds, but there's only one man whose lap I've seen her use as a pillow."

Oh fuck me I'm an idiot. "God damn it I didn't know I could be that dense!" I groan slapping a hand to my face. "She's like, a decade younger than me, I've never even thought about her like that!"

Chrom bursts into laughter. "I thought you were ignoring it a bit too easily! Wait until I tell Sumia about this!"

"You've just been gossiping about me this whole time, haven't you?"

"Can you blame us?" Chrom grins.

"…No. No I cannot." I sigh, before giving in and laughing along.

After a while the two of us finally settle down. Chrom looks over at Severa, clearly thinking something over from the look on his face. "So, you're a dad, huh?"

"Yeah." I can't help but grin a bit at that. "I'm a dad."

"Does that make Cordelia the mother?"

"What?" I look back at him, but his face remains neutral. In a way that's even more troubling. It means he isn't teasing me right now. "Chrom, I'm not sure what you've heard, but me and Cordelia aren't that close."

"Oh, I know that." Chrom turns to face me fully. "I was talking more about the future."

I feel my heart stop for a second.

No Ben, don't panic, play it cool! He can't possibly know, right?

"That seems like a bit much!" I chuckle nervously. "We've had, what, five conversations? I think you might be reading too many of Sumia's romance novels, dude."

"Ben." I stare at Chrom blankly as he scrutinizes me. "I had a very interesting conversation with Marth this evening."

Ah, shit. Does she really reveal it this soon in the game? Or is this just my presence sending things off the rails again? I wish I could remember what sort of bullshit is going on here! "What sort of conversation, exactly?"

"She told me that she and her companions are from the future. A future in which my older sister died on this night. A future in which the world falls to ruin, and all of humanity is driven to the brink of extinction."

Okay, he knows. Now what? Do I tell him I know as well? Do I keep him guessing? Can I even trick him? He clearly has suspicions of me at the very least, if he sought me out on my own.

"So you're here under the assumption that Severa is one of these companions."

"It would explain how she and Noire are familiar with Marth's group. And how they became such skilled fighters at their age. It would also explain how they became so familiar with the Shepherds and the barracks so quickly."

"When you put it like that, it does seem somewhat convincing, I'll admit…" I reply uneasily.

"All this time, I thought something was odd about them. And crazy as it sounds, this is the answer that made the most sense to me." Chrom shrugs. "I can't help but believe Marth's words to be true. And out of everyone in the Shepherds, you're the closest to Severa and Noire. If anyone would know about this, I thought it would be you."

"…Yeah." I sigh in defeat. "Yeah, you caught me. I knew that Severa was from the future. Noire too."

"What did they tell you?"

"Not much." I shrug. "And that's probably for the best. With Emmeryn's assassination prevented, none of the information they had will be useful now anyways."

"I suppose so." Chrom replies, eyes burning a hole in the floor. "You know, I was rather furious when I discovered what Severa and Noire had been keeping from us."

"Oh?" I stare at Chrom, feeling my protective instincts stirring at his words.

Chrom glances at me and takes pause, holding up his hands in surrender. "Easy there, Ben. I have no ill-intentions towards them. I was upset to find that they knew this attack was coming, but…" He looks over to Severa, still fast asleep. "How could I hold their silence against them, after seeing what they're willing to suffer through for our sake?"

"I'd just as soon not see her suffer at all." I frown, following his gaze. "I don't want her fighting like this Chrom. Especially not after what happened tonight. She's too young to be so experienced in all of this fighting and killing."

"At least you seem to have prepared her well for it." Chrom smiles half-heartedly. "Between yourself and Cordelia I'm sure she's had excellent teaching."

"You're rather fixated on this Cordelia thing, aren't you?" I frown over at him.

"Sorry!" Chrom chuckles lightly. "It just seems so obvious. She takes after Cordelia a lot; the resemblance is uncanny."

"It's not what you think." I protest. "Cordelia is her mom, but I'm not the father. Not by birth, anyways. Apparently, I adopted Severa after her mother died."

Chrom looks stricken. "I didn't realize. Gods Ben, I'm so sorry!"

"Not your fault." I shrug. "And as far as I'm concerned it doesn't matter. Severa is my kid. That won't change regardless of what happens."

"I see." Chrom replies. "A commendable attitude." He frowns at that. "I don't suppose you know the parentage of any of the other children, do you?"

He probably has his suspicions about Marth. It's only natural he would after seeing her sword and hearing her story. Well sorry Chrom, I'm not letting anything slip about that. Not my secret to tell. Besides, with how Lucina seems to get around me she'd likely gut me for telling him. "Sorry Chrom, I don't even know who Severa's birth father is. And from what little Noire's told me, we haven't even met her mother. The whole topic of parents is... a very loaded subject. For all of them, I'm sure."

"Oh. I see." Chrom frowns, losing himself in thought.

"You okay?"

"Fine, fine. Just…" He shakes his head clear and lets loose a small laugh. "It's nothing. I'm overthinking things. How about you?"

Looks like he's given up on the subject. For now at least. The truth of how he and Lucina are related won't be a secret for much longer at this rate, though. It certainly won't take him another two years to figure it out like it did in the game. I imagine the next time he sees her he'll probably start pushing for details again. Hopefully by making it clear that it's a painful topic I'll at least put it off a little longer. If not though... well there's not much I can do but keep playing dumb.

Chrom gives me an odd look, and I play my moment of thought off as reflection on his question. "I'm about as good as I can be, all things considered." I shrug, gesturing to the bed. "I'll feel a hell of a lot better once she's back on her feet, even if I know she'll be right back to driving me insane with worry when that happens."

"That's good…" Chrom muses. "I was worried you might be… distressed. Often one's first experience with command can be traumatic. Even without family getting involved."

"Oh." I sigh. "I… haven't thought much about how all that went. Preoccupied with this. I guess it does come down to a complete failure on my part though, doesn't it? If I'd done a better job, Severa wouldn't have had to pull that stunt and Panne wouldn't have needed to come to my rescue."

"I can't blame you for seeing it as a failure, but I think you should know that historically speaking battles against enemy spell casters-"

"Frederick gave me the speech." I cut Chrom off firmly. It had been easily the most unpleasant of the conversations I evaded earlier. Frederick had been eager to give me the typical casualty numbers for defended dark mages. Apparently a typical battle results in three times as many deaths. Hearing the numbers from Frederick felt like receiving the statistics for a natural fucking disaster.

I can only imagine he thought it would help to hear our survival rate was so much higher than normal. Maybe he wanted to show that I'd done far better than anyone could expect. Maybe it was just simple praise. Doesn't matter either way. "It doesn't help. You can tell me that I'm in the top percentile for survival rates against dark mages all you want, that doesn't change the fact that it was a fucking slaughter. That was not a victory."

"Maybe not." Chrom replies. "But I can safely say I don't think I could have done much better myself."

"Heard that too." I roll my eyes. "Jeremy wouldn't shut up about it. He seems to think it was all worth it to kill that bigshot Plegian priest."

"Jeremy is…" Chrom winces. "A very opinionated fellow."

"He's also of the opinion that Panne's interference had nothing to do with our victory." I growl. "I heard him babbling away about the strength of the Shepherds after the fight. Tried to pretend she doesn't exist." It was somewhat jarring after all the fighting, finding out the man who helped me lead those soldiers into battle was a racist piece of shit. A part of me still wants to see him as dependable. The rest of me feels dirty for thinking of him in that way.

"There are a great many people who don't take kindly to the thought of owing their lives to a Taguel." Chrom sighs. "It's not right, but we can't exactly force them to change their mind."

"I know." I frown. "I'm hardly a stranger to the concept of racism."

"Then I'm sure you've noticed that such opinions remain commonplace in Ylisse, particularly in the higher ranks of society." Chrom says, face twisting unpleasantly at the thought. "Our country has long been tainted with ideals of elitism, despite my sister's best efforts to drive them out. For all the virtues the Halidom upholds we are not devoid of faults. Not at all."

I can tell from the look on his face that he's torturing himself over it. It doesn't take me long to think about it before I decide to set him straight.

"Chrom, there isn't a country out there that doesn't have its fair share of bullshit. Ylisse has its racism, Ferox has its history of banditry, Plegia has its state religion dedicated to worshipping a harbinger of the apocalypse…" Chrom smirks at the joke, and I count it as a small victory. "My home was no different. When our country was founded we took the people who used to live in that land and forced them to live in tiny areas where we wouldn't have to look at them. Then we formed special schools for their children and abused them until they conformed to our way of life. Many of the atrocities happened well before I was born, but a lot of the oppression lasts to this day."

"Gods…" Chrom looks at me in shock. "You've always spoken so highly of your country, I never would have suspected…"

"I'm hardly a stranger to the concept of nationalism either." I say with a wry grin. "It's human nature to turn away from the aspects of our life that we don't care for. I'm not like Emmeryn, I don't have the strength to carry those burdens with me wherever I go."

"I'm not sure I do either." Chrom says with a grim look on his face. "I… don't know how she does it, Ben. The way she faces the truth without flinching. I know the damage my father dealt to Plegia, I know that in many ways their hatred towards us is justly deserved. But in spite of knowing this, I see King Gangrel embodying that hate, and all I can find to answer it with is my own resentment. They hate us for what my country did, and I hate them for seeking retribution."

"I get it, dude." I shrug. "I'm in the same boat. We both know that Emmeryn's got the right idea, answering hatred with compassion, but that's difficult. It's so goddamn easy to just hurt the person who hurt you. I still fall into that trap."

I lift my shirt up and indicate the scars sprawled across my chest. "I got this because I decided to hurt the people who hurt me. I abandoned reason and became a monster. And I suffered for that choice. And you know something Chrom?"

He stares uneasily at the scars. "What?" He murmurs, face pale.

"I fucked up tonight in spite of that wake-up call." I growl, pulling my shirt back down so he can focus on my words again. "Two fights I was in last night. The first time I barely managed to stop myself from killing out of a misguided sense of pride, and almost paid the price for hesitating. The second fight… I lost my fucking mind. I acted like an animal."

"Because of Severa." Chrom nods solemnly.

"Yes, but that's not really an excuse, is it?" I shrug. "Chrom, I spent months doing everything I could to get past this. To learn from my mistakes and do better. And I failed. And you know what? I'll probably fail next time, too. And the time after that. This is something I'll probably struggle with for the rest of my life. I'm not Emmeryn. I don't have the strength required to do what she does."

"I'm the Prince of the Halidom though." Chrom sighs. "If I want to do right by my sister, to stand at her side and support her, then I have to find that strength."

"Maybe." I nod, thinking hard. "You have a duty to set an example. But… you have an example of your own to follow. And you know what you need to work at. I'm not the best at following this advice myself, but you need to face your own faults, and work to improve them, without wallowing in them. Don't do what I do and get bogged down in your failures. Just… accept them and try again."

"You make it sound easy."

"Do I? Well fuck, my bad, it's not. It's like, the hardest fucking thing." I smirk. "But you're a hell of a lot better off than I was when I started trying to figure shit like this out. The Shepherds make for one hell of a support group."

"… You're right." Chrom nods to himself, and pulls himself to his feet. "With friends like you supporting me I have nothing to fear! Together we'll see Emmeryn safely through this war and finally bring lasting peace to Ylisse."

All the acting skills in the world aren't enough to keep me smiling through a declaration like that. Lucky for me Chrom is too caught up in his own thoughts to notice.

"That's the spirit!" I drawl with enthusiasm I don't quite feel, clapping Chrom on the shoulder and leading him towards the door. "Now come on, let's give my kid a chance to rest."

"Right." Chrom nods. We've barely left the room before an eager grin stretches across his face. "Speaking of rest… You know Ben, I have it on good authority that the royal baths were left untouched during all this commotion."

"Damn, I could use a bath." I look down at my shabby appearance, still coated in sweat and grime from the past hours.

"Come on." Chrom's grin turns mischievous. "I think you've earned the chance to live like royalty for at least an hour. With all that's happened I doubt anyone would notice if I were to sneak you in."

The royal baths. To be used by the ruling family of Ylisse only. I've heard guards tell stories about their splendour. Not even joking, they're just that fancy.

"You know what, why the hell not?" I grin. "Could be my only chance to experience the life of luxury around here."

"Well, you could return Lissa's feelings if you're that interested…"

The scandalized look I give Chrom at that has him laughing loud enough that it wakes Maribelle several rooms away. She wastes no time kicking our sorry asses out of the infirmary.

* * *

It occurs to me several hours later that I've completely forgotten to talk to Chrom about what we're actually going to do about the whole 'future kids' situation. He's already returned to the castle to talk things over with Emmeryn and the other noble shits that are flailing around in the castle, so I suppose my chance has already passed. Those baths were distracting as hell, apparently.

I mean, if I wanted to I could probably find him easily enough, but I've already reached the barracks so screw that. I wouldn't go back in that castle today if they paid me… which they technically do.

Part of that pay comes with room and board though, and I need to take advantage of that. By the time I finally make it to bed I can already see the telltale glimpse of dawn beginning to break; the faintest of pale glows on the horizon. Only a matter of time before the sun's up to wake me again, so I head for my room as quickly as possible. If I had the energy for it, I'd be sprinting. As it stands, I manage a hasty stagger down the hallway and collapse into bed fully clothed. Thankfully I'm wearing some of Chrom's spare stuff instead of the filthy crap I wore through that bullshit invasion, so it doesn't pose much of a problem.

Sleep comes swiftly… and ends every bit as swiftly only a few hours later, the sun easily surpassing my bedroom curtains and forcing me awake despite my best efforts. To say I feel miserable is an understatement.

"Weird." I grumble to myself as I drag myself out of bed. "I used to function on hours like this on a daily basis." Apparently my body has become used to getting eight hours of sleep since I came to this world. What a monumental horror my life has become, that my sleeping schedule should grow to be so very strange and unnatural.

I change out of Chrom's spare clothing before heading down, finding my usual stuff to be much more comfortable. Not as tight. Which is frankly unbelievable, but there it is. I've bulked up enough that Chrom's clothes are apparently too tight for me. Most of that is probably due to the height difference (a few inches goes a long way with how well-fitted the upper class folks like their stuff), but it's still a crazy feeling.

When I reach the kitchen it is, to my complete lack of surprise, almost entirely empty, everyone else still sleeping. Only two people are up, Sully and Kellam, both huddled over a kettle by the stove. They leap practically a mile in the air when I walk in, nearly knocking the kettle over before Kellam manages to catch it.

"Easy folks, it's just me!" I hold my hands up peacefully. "Didn't mean to startle you, sorry."

"Damnit Ben, you're going to give me a heart attack!" Sully gasps in shock. "The hell are you doing up so early?"

"Sully, I've been one of the earliest risers since I joined." I grin, walking past and digging a frying pan out of the cupboard. "I may not be as diligent as you or Frederick, but I have years of bad sleeping habits to help me keep up in the morning."

"Well sure, but you were one of the last ones to get to the barracks." Sully stares at me in confusion. "You should be dead on your feet!"

"How'd you know that?"

"Frederick mentioned it to me when he came in." Kellam replies. "I was getting up just as he finally went to bed. They had me sit out of the work last night because of my arm."

I look over in alarm and realize that, yes, Kellam's arm is indeed in a sling at the moment. Apparently even when I can pick him out there are still things about him that escape my notice. "What happened to your arm?"

Sully immediately bristles at the question. "That long-eared bitch-"

"We went over this, Sully." Kellam cuts her off quietly but firmly. "It was an accident. You know this isn't the first time I've been hit by mistake."

"First time you had your arm broken!"

"She didn't mean it, and I'm fine now."

A part of me suddenly feels like I'm intruding, but my curiosity overpowers the feeling. "Okay, what happened exactly?"

"Do you remember Panne? The Taguel woman?" Kellam asks.

"Yeah, the giant rabbit. She saved me and Cordelia last night." I nod. "What about her?"

Sully starts yelling again. "She kicked him in the arm!"

"She barely grazed me." Kellam replies, voice still calm as can be. "She was attacking a Plegian invader that was coming up beside me, but she misjudged her blow. Unfortunately, with her size and strength…" He gestures to his arm and shrugs.

"Damn." I wince in sympathy. "How bad?"

"The sling is just there because we're playing it safe." Kellam replies, placing his hand on Sully's arm before she can get worked up further. "Lady Emmeryn fixed it right away, and she's one of the best healers in Ylisse. We wanted to be careful since the healers have all been so overworked."

"Probably a good idea." I nod along, moving to the icebox and fishing out the eggs. Not a lot here… The castle does have its own hen houses, but the maids haven't had time to visit this morning, for obvious reasons. Plenty of bread though… "How about you, Sully? What's got you up so early?"

"Took a hit to my head last night, so they sent me off early as well." Sully shrugs. "Got a nice scar to show for it." She gestures to a shiny pink line above her brow.

"Not bad." I nod after a moment's appraisal. "Any serious injuries with the others I should know about?"

Sully and Kellam shift uncomfortably at that. Kellam speaks first. "Just Severa and Miriel. The other Shepherds are all fine."

"Well." I reply, trying to direct my attention towards the eggs I'm furiously beating. "I guess it's good to know that nobody else fucked up as badly as I did."

Both Kellam and Sully, being terrible with words at the best of times, fall silent at that. After a while of this I realize I should probably throw them a bone and change the subject. "So what's the kettle for?"

"Shit!" Sully gasps in sudden realization, pulling her kettle from the stove and nearly emptying its contents on the floor. After a moment or two of tentative sniffing she pours a dark liquid into a mug and has Kellam try it.

"Bit overcooked, but it should be fine." Kellam replies thoughtfully. "Could you pass the milk over here, Ben?"

I slide the bottle along and look at the beverage appraisingly. "Is that… coffee?"

"You know of it?" Sully looks at me in surprise.

"It's pretty common back home." I nod, sliding my frying pan onto the now empty stovetop and throwing some butter in.

"Common- what the hell? Do you know how hard this is to come by around here?" Sully asks incredulously.

"Uhh…" I look at her expression. "I'm gonna guess very?"

"It's mostly produced in Plegia." Kellam explains, taking another tentative sip now that he's added some milk to his cup. "So it's rare to find here in Ylisstol at the best of times. Now though…"

"Geez, it must cost a fortune!" I grimace.

"Thank Naga I've made a point of stocking up whenever I find it in the market." Sully nods. "It's good stuff. Gets me through rough mornings like nothing else. Plus, I can't really do anything to ruin it since it already tastes like crap."

"Bet there'll be a high demand after last night." I nod absentmindedly.

"Well tough shit." Sully pulls the kettle further away from me. "It's my personal stash. I don't share."

I stare blankly at her, then look over at Kellam as he sips his cup. "Is that right?"

"Damn straight." Sully nods, before finally noticing where my eyes are pointing. "Whoa hey, the hell is that look for?"

I slowly turn back to Sully and stare blankly at her for a moment. Then start wagging my eyebrows.

"What the hell!?" Sully flails towards me.

"Hit me and you don't get a share of breakfast." I reply coolly. Her fist freezes in place over her head. I grin triumphantly and throw breakfast into the pan, taking my eyes off the two as I focus on my cooking. "So how long have you crazy kids been dating?"

"About a year now, actually." Kellam replies.

"Kellam!" Sully squawks in a panic.

"Honestly Sully, there's no need to panic. Somebody was bound to figure out eventually."

"So you two were dating before I even joined the Shepherds?" I turn back from the stove for a moment to stare at them incredulously. They nod in response and I feel my jaw drop. "I had no idea until just now. God damn Kellam, you really can't do anything without being discreet, huh?"

"We weren't even planning on keeping it a secret, honestly." Sully grumbles. "It just… happened. I'm not good at talking about mushy crap, so I never brought it up. And Kellam is… Kellam."

"Huh." I reply, not sure what else to say. "Well… congratulations, I guess. So, which of you lovebirds wants to taste test this? It's been years since I made French toast so I have no idea if I've done this right."

"Hell yeah, pass it over." Sully grins as I flip the French toast onto a plate and slide it over. I watch in mild trepidation as she takes a bite and chews thoughtfully. For how crappy a cook she is, Sully has no trouble calling other people out on their own culinary shortcomings. If I fucked this up she is going to make sure I hear about it.

"Hmm… Not bad." Sully shrugs. "Bit bland, but the texture is good."

I give a wicked grin in response. "That was just the trial run. Now's the part where we start going wild. Kellam, run to the henhouses and get us some more eggs. Sully, go drag Stahl's ass out of bed. I'm going to have fun with this."

* * *

Out of everyone in the Shepherds, there's no denying that Stahl is the best cook. The guy just knows food; he lives for it. But I like to think that I give him a run for his money when it comes to breakfast. My skills in the kitchen are mostly focused on prep work, chopping, peeling, dicing, and so on. But god damn can I cook an egg. I've enjoyed doing so my whole life. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day and all that.

So once Sully manages to coax (more of a drag, really) Stahl down the stairs and into the kitchen, I waste no time putting him to work. And with the Shepherds trailing into the kitchen a few at a time, I have plenty of time to get creative.

I pretty much tear through everything we have in the icebox. Bacon, bell peppers, cheese, tomatoes, mushrooms, and more. It doesn't take long for the kitchen to fill with the sounds and smells of bubbling bacon fat, sizzling vegetables, and diced potatoes frying in oil. And the thing to bring it all together, a sauce Stahl whips up to drizzle over the top, an old family recipe that packs a bit of zest and makes the whole thing just melt in your mouth. A bit like hollandaise, actually.

Something about it all feels much more satisfying than normal. I cook for the Shepherds all the time, but those meals are the sort of things you'd expect when trying to keep a large group fed. Soups, stir fries, the occasional giant meat pie or casserole. It's rare that I can put proper attention into an individual dish. I start taking requests from the shepherds as they file in, and make the dishes to match. Sully wants extra bacon, Ricken wants half of the vegetables gone, Virion wants the sauce on the side, and all get what they ask for.

If I'm being honest, it's pretty wasteful. By all rights we shouldn't be getting so carried away, but I shrug it off as an extra expense for the sake of morale. Everyone had a long damn night, and folks are feeling the pressure after being attacked in their own home like this. I'm much the same, emotions running high enough to keep me wide awake in spite of the exhaustion I feel. This makes for a much more useful outlet than training would. I need a bit less aggression in my life today, thanks.

The others feel much better after a good meal as well, and soon enough the dining room is back to its usual lively self.

"So you said this is called French toast?" Gaius comments, stuffing his face in the corner of the kitchen where the other Shepherds can't give him odd looks.

"Yup." I pile vegetables carefully on top of the next dish and nod to Stahl once I'm satisfied. "Sauce me." I turn to regard Gaius as Stahl moves in with his ladle. "Back home it's actually made more as a sweet dish, but we didn't have the stuff for that here."

Gaius leans in immediately. "How sweet are we talking here?"

"You're up, Anna!" I open the kitchen door and pass the plate along before returning to answer the question. "Pretty sweet, dude. You mix the eggs with cinnamon and vanilla, cover the toast in sliced fruits, and then cover that in syrup and powdered sugar."

Gaius drops his fork and stares blankly at me, making me nervous enough to quickly raise my hands in surrender. "Look, I'll make it again some other time, alright, but again, we don't have the ingredients for it right now."

"I'm holding you to that, Chuckles." Gaius grins as he retrieves his fork and licks the sauce from the handle.

"I… yeah fine. Just don't expect me to make a habit of it." I roll my eyes as I start frying the next dish. "You know, there's more than enough room for you to eat out there."

"Eh… maybe some other time." Gaius pulls a face. "Most of the folks around here I know already are either in the infirmary or not a Shepherd. And the rest…"

"They just need time to get used to you." Stahl says reassuringly.

"Do you know anything about me?" Gaius gives him a skeptical look.

"I know Chrom welcomed you here." Stahl shrugs. "That's good enough for me."

"Huh." Gaius blinks in surprise, then goes back to cleaning his plate. "Well, I'm still going to take it slow. I got more than enough suspicious looks out there for my liking."

"They'll change their minds soon enough." I nod reassuringly. "I'm sure Lissa will drag you around for introductions first chance she gets. I'd do it myself but... well, social butterfly I am not."

"You've been talking to people well enough this morning." Gaius raises an eyebrow.

"This isn't conversation." I gesture to the plate I'm assembling. "This is customer service. This is my work face."

Gaius gives me a confused look, and I open my mouth to elaborate, when the slamming of doors interrupts me. Sumia stands in the doorway, shoulders heaving with exhaustion, before she straightens up and looks at me.

"Ben, you have to come with me, now!" She exclaims in a rush. "It's horrible!"

"What?" I look around to the others in confusion. Stahl looks alarmed. Gaius just shrugs, as lost as I am. "What's going on? More Plegians?"

"No, worse!" Sumia cries out in alarm, before stopping to think and backtracking frantically. "Well, not worse but… oh, just come on already! It's Cordelia!"

* * *

Stahl sends us on our way in a hurry, Sumia leading the way across the training yard.

"So, what's going on with Red?" Gaius asks, jogging along behind us.

"What?" Sumia looks back in alarm. "Do I know you?"

"I'm new. Now fess up." Gaius snaps back impatiently. "Red's one of the closest things I've got to a friend around here right now, so if she's in some kind of trouble I want to know about it."

"I think I can guess, actually." I say, looking ahead to the Pegasus Knight's stables, "They're deploying."

Gaius hisses a curse under his breath. I increase my pace, pulling ahead of Sumia, if only by a little. The Pegasus knights notice us coming by this point, and start squawking at each other. Little Lady Genius' friends come to play. Poor Little Lady Genius is too busy working to play hero with her friends.

I slow to a stop and stare them down as they chatter away. Still playing at their idiotic Alpha Bitch routine, even now. It takes force of will to keep the extent of my distaste from showing on my face. A pack of bullies, all desperately trying to drag down the woman who makes them look so pathetic so often. If my suspicions are correct, this will be the last time I see any of them. And as far as I'm concerned, it's no loss. I've hated people like them all my life, and they're among the worst bullies I've ever seen.

I will not mourn for these women once they are dead.

"Cordelia!" I call out, searching for the telltale red of her hair amongst the knights present. "Cordelia, where are you?"

I hear a faint call from the back and start making my way along, past lines of knights atop their Pegasus, all squawking at me as I move along. I find my expression growing stormier as I move along, barely able to hear myself think over the cacophony of voices. They've never been this hostile before. Something's got them more pissy than usual. Not hard to think of why.

God damn, I really got Cordelia in deep shit last night, didn't I?

I find her in the end, at the very back of the line. Under normal circumstances she'd be near the head, as one of Phila's best knights.

She sits tall atop her Pegasus, not a hair out of place, but it's easy enough to see it for the façade it is. It's plain to see from the tightness of her grip on the reigns, the slight strain in her face as she maintains her calm composure, the tiredness of her eyes.

I find myself seething in rage for a moment, until her eyes meet my own and some of that exhaustion she bears fades. She's stronger than them, I remind myself. Stronger than me as well; I know for a fact I'd never last against the sort of peer pressure she's being subjected to right now. She doesn't need me to be angry, that's just another burden. And I've been burden enough already.

"You've been demoted." I say simply, looking back to the distant head of the line. Off to a great start Ben, well done.

"A recent development." Cordelia's smile is a fragile thing.

"It won't last." I shake my head. "You're better than the lot of them by far."

"I'm nothing special." Cordelia shrugs her shoulders, though she seems a bit happier to hear it. Better.

"As somebody who got their ass kicked by you last night, I take offense to that, Red." Gaius chimes in. "But that's hardly important right now. Now fess up, what're they shipping you off for?"

"Border patrol." Cordelia's gaze draws westward. "After the attack last night, there's no time to waste. We need to increase our security, to make sure an assassination attempt like this doesn't happen again. All the Pegasus knights are being deployed, save for a few of Phila's best to guard Emmeryn."

"And because you helped me last night instead of heading up to support the others like you were supposed to, you don't make the cut anymore." I frown. "If I'd known the backlash you'd face would be this bad-"

"Yes, that would be entirely why I didn't tell you." Cordelia shakes her head, smiling softly. "I knew what I was getting into Ben, make no mistake of that. I am not like the Shepherds, with the freedom to act how I see fit in battle. I am a knight. And last night I failed my duties in that regard. I am thankful to Phila that she has allowed me to remain under her command at all."

"Oh, Cordelia…" Sumia practically whimpers as she steps forward to take her friend's hand. I remember the story Chrom told me months ago and grimace. After giving up on her dream of becoming a Pegasus Knight, I can't imagine it's pleasant for Sumia to see her friend almost forced to do the same.

A part of me thinks I should apologize, but I'm smart enough to recognize that doing so would be more of an insult than anything. "Thank you, Cordelia." I say instead, drawing her gaze. "If not for you, myself and many others would be dead last night. Regardless of your duties, you did the right thing."

The eavesdropping knights start squawking at that comment again and I finally lose my temper, whirling to face them and bellowing. "She did more for Ylisse last night than ANY OF YOU."

Sumia claps a hand to her face and groans as the shrieking becomes an absolute cacophony of noise. "Oh Ben, that's really just… not at all helpful right now."

"True though." Gaius grins, jostling me with an elbow as I glare the other knights back into an uneasy silence. "Hell, if not for you, Ben and I probably would have just killed each other the instant we met. And then who would be here to see you off?"

"Well I would still be here, of course." Sumia says proudly. "And Ben would too, because I know Severa would have stepped in and handled you on her own before you got a chance to kill anybody."

"Yeah, that's probably true." Gaius grumbles. "I thought it was a good point."

"Thank you Gaius." Cordelia says, grinning at our antics. "It means a lot that you've all come to see me off. Truly."

"Of course we came!" Sumia says eagerly, squeezing Cordelia's hand. "You're our friend, we had to see you before you left!"

"How long you gonna be at the border, anyways?" I ask, looking to the front and seeing movement. "When are we going to see you again?"

"I… well I'm not sure." Cordelia admits. "I suppose I may be called on to deliver messages back to the capital, but other than that… it will likely be a while."

The first row of Pegasus takes off, and Sumia immediately moves to pull us back from the line as they start to move. Row by row, the Pegasus Knights of Ylisse break into a trot, then a canter, and finally take off, heading westward. Most, if not all of them, will never see their capital again. In spite of the disdain I feel a part of me feels horrified at the thought. I almost want to chase them down, tell them to stop, keep them here where Gangrel's armies can't butcher them all.

But I don't.

I can't afford to risk changing things like that.

Gaius and Sumia start waving as the wave of motion passing through the knights draws near to Cordelia. I force myself to join them. To see her off, even knowing the danger that she'll face.

"Take care!" I call out, forcing a grin onto my face. "Stay safe!"

"You too, Ben!" She calls back with a smile every bit as empty as my own. "I'll miss you, Sumia! Don't get into any more trouble while I'm gone, Gaius!"

"I'll miss you too, Cordelia!"

"Give 'em hell, Red!"

We keep waving until she's in the air, then watch quietly as she flies away. Well, Sumia and I watch, Gaius leaves as soon as Cordelia's off the ground. Neither of us blame the man; he doesn't have the connection to this that Sumia and I do.

"It's not fair!" Sumia grumbles as the Pegasus Knights become gradually smaller. "I can't believe she was punished like that!"

"I should have guessed it would happen." I reply, irritated with myself. "She even told me beforehand that she was breaking orders by helping me. I don't know why I didn't realize sooner."

"And now it could be ages before she comes back." Sumia sighs. "I hope she'll be alright…"

"She's tougher than the both of us put together." I say dismissively. "She'll be back in one piece." Sumia smiles gratefully at the words, seeming to feel much better at the reassurance.

Left unsaid is my belief that she'll be the only one to do so. And that 'back in one piece' doesn't necessarily mean 'she'll be alright'.

I watch the last Pegasus knights disappear on the horizon. With how that formation was arranged, it's safe to say that Cordelia's one of the last to vanish.

There she goes. Off to face the most horrifying moment of her life, without a friend in the world to help her through it.

And I just sat back and let it happen.

The feeling of guilt doesn't bode well. I'll be keeping quiet about this sort of thing a lot more in the near future.

* * *

 **Ben's greatest strengths are music, lying by omission, and cooking eggs. In that order.  
**

 **If you guessed at Kellam and Sully's relationship before this, congratulations to you! I managed to include a couple of hints that they were close, but a lot of them had to be cut for the sake of brevity. I realise that may seem a bit ridiculous considering the absolutely glacial pace this story is moving at, but believe me, there is a great deal that I've cut for the sake of pacing. Subplots removed, character interactions cut back, stuff like that. Things seem so simple when I plot them out in my head, but fleshing them out in a way that I feel satisfied with seems to swell things to an insane size.**

 **Heaven help me if I ever decide to write an original work.**

 **Come join the Discord, it's fun for the whole family!  
discord .gg/9XG3U7a**


	29. Chapter 28

**Feels like its been a while since I've managed two updates in a month. Still not at the pace I'd like to be getting back to, but hopefully I'll be able to change that in the coming months. Obligatory reminder that reviews are highly conducive to an increase in my motivation and productivity, and that while I am and will always be terrible at responding I always read and enjoy every one I get.**

* * *

The next few days are spent as a sort of recovery and adjustment period for the Shepherds. Recovery from the attack, and adjustment to the changes within the group.

Chrom and Lissa have the worst of it, being both busy and under a very close watch. Of the royal family, only Lissa has managed to find the time to visit the barracks, and when she does so it's under heavy guard. Frederick has remained at the castle as well, unwilling as ever to leave Chrom's side. I and most of the other Shepherds make sure to visit often, helping them in the cleanup and recovery efforts whenever we can.

I'm thankful for the work, not the least of which because I finally find Felicity again in the middle of it all. The hug I give her when I find out she survived the mess is bone-crushing, propriety be damned. A small part of me has been expecting to hear the worst ever since the scare I had in that bloody hallway.

After a day or two, Severa heals enough to be allowed out of the infirmary, and immediately finds herself under the watchful eyes of Sumia, Lissa, and myself. With good reason; the brat constantly tries to find excuses to train, despite being told she isn't recovered enough for the strain of it. A part of me can't help but wonder if she does it on purpose. For all that she complains, the attention still has her flushing.

In the midst of all this I also find the time to talk to her about Cordelia's point from the night of the invasion, about coming clean about the adoption. Her response is to punch me in the kidneys for not thinking of it sooner. Fair enough.

The reveal goes as expected. Congratulations from the other Shepherds, a lot of hugging from Sumia and Lissa in particular, and a very knowing look from Chrom.

There have been quite a few of those looks lately, as a matter of fact. Every time something happens that brings the whole time travel thing to mind he gets this expression that seems to just scream 'secrets!' Bless that man, he can't do the whole subterfuge thing to save his fucking life.

It gets bad enough that the others start asking why he's always staring, which gets annoying fast. I start telling the others that we've become secret lovers, which is amusing until it makes Sumia cry and I'm forced to frantically hunt Chrom down and talk to him properly about it.

The end result of that discussion is that instead of staring at me he gets a look like he's constipated instead. Which suits me just fine since I can just go back to feigning ignorance like I always do while Frederick looks over his meals with a fine toothed comb.

If only the other changes could be handled so easily.

Despite best efforts from certain Shepherds the two newest recruits to the Shepherds are having nothing but trouble fitting in. The first of these is expected. Panne has absolutely zero interest interacting with any of us, despite our best efforts. It took hours of coaxing from Stahl just to find out what foods she can't eat.

That said, she's shown no signs of wishing to leave and the Shepherds are doing their usual social butterfly routine with her, so I'm not particularly concerned in that regard. That weird friendship thing they all do has a way of breaking down social barriers over time.

No, the real problem is Gaius.

Not the least of which because I've been designated the Shepherd's official 'Gaius manager', a role which I take absolutely zero joy in. In fact were somebody to ask me I'd tell them that I'm thoroughly disappointed that it's even necessary (disappointed in both sides, for the record), and somewhat pissed that I'm the one stuck dealing with this bullshit.

I've had to break up six fights in the past week. Six. And my success in mediating these issues has not been stellar. Sully is still convinced that Gaius is responsible for stealing her stuff, Sumia is still refusing to talk to Gaius after an incident with a pie she made for Chrom, and Lissa is ticked off at Maribelle for trying to keep her and Gaius separated. That last grudge will have sorted itself out by this time tomorrow, but it's still distressing to me that I couldn't prevent it.

It comes down to reputation, in the end. Gaius has been… mostly well behaved since joining, the only incident that was really his fault being the time with Sumia. But Frederick has not been shy about informing people that Gaius was the one who let the Plegians into the Castle. And Maribelle is taking every opportunity to push at Gaius as well, dragging his reputation even further into the dirt.

And every time she does this, I'm the one who's called to sort things out. Damn Chrom for never being around to keep the peace. Damn bureaucracy for keeping him away. Damn me for getting myself involved in these situations.

These sort of thoughts have been running through my mind every time I get called on to settle an argument, and the current situation is no different.

I storm into the dining room and see what has to be the most one sided shouting match I've ever seen in my life. Maribelle is doing what she does best, making herself heard and causing anyone fool enough to get in her way the deepest of regrets. The current recipient of her ire is Virion, who seems to be doing his best to defuse the situation, with little success. A part of that might be because Ricken seems to be fanning the flames, clearly providing back up. Maribelle doesn't really need such a thing, but it does seem to be getting her even more worked up than usual.

"Good, you are here." I turn to my right to see Panne approaching, expression thunderous. "My patience for these petty squabbles is swiftly reaching an end, man-spawn. Make an effort to solve the problem permanently this time."

"Easier said than done." I snap irritably. "If I could spare myself this bullshit just like that I'd have done so in the first place."

"What nonsense." She stares flatly at me. "How is it that you man-spawn manage to make things so needlessly complicated that even your own kind cannot sort the problems you create?"

"Good fucking question." I snort. "If only we all had a Taguel's sense of pragmatism."

"If only." Panne's lip curls in the barest hint of a smirk, before Maribelle's voice spikes again and she flinches in pain. "Gah! Enough of this. My ears are tortured enough by the usual incessant babbling around here, without having to deal with such noise."

"I'm surprised you lasted this long." I reply, stepping out of the doorway so she can make her escape.

"I was eating." Panne replies flatly. "Inform Stahl that today's endeavour was edible." She flees past me before I can respond.

"Well there's some good news at least." I roll my eyes and turn back to the disaster going on here. Maribelle is still oblivious to me, focused only on her prey and poor Virion. Virion has noticed me however, and is sending me desperate looks.

Tough it out buddy, I ain't going in blind. I head for the kitchen first, ignoring the look of horror on Virion's face.

"The fuck is going on this time?" I ask Stahl, who seems to be washing the dishes as loudly as he can in a futile attempt to drown out the noise.

"Oh!" Stahl whirls around. "Ben, you're here! Didn't Noire tell you?"

"Noire seems to have noticed my waning tolerance for this bullshit." I grumble. "She just said: 'Fight's happening in the Dining Room,' and rushed off. So how the fuck did this start?"

"I don't know!" Stahl yells in despair. "I doubt they even know! You know better than anyone how short Maribelle's fuse has been lately, and with Ricken egging her on… I don't know what he's thinking, but I swear he made it ten times worse!"

"I'm starting to think I need to sit that kid down and have words with him." I growl. "Alright, I'm going to go save Virion. Wish me luck."

"Good luck." Stahl says weakly. He's a lot like me, in that he's not much for loud, angry confrontations. Unfortunately I keep getting dragged into them since it was my sorry ass that got Gaius recruited in this timeline. No good deed goes unpunished, I guess.

I walk back out of the kitchen and stare blankly at the argument as it continues. By now everyone else in the dining hall has left, not wanting to deal with the situation any longer. Only Virion, Maribelle, Ricken, and Gaius are still here, though most of the noise is coming from only one side of the argument. Virion is stammering and failing to be heard, and Gaius is just sitting looking like a kicked puppy.

"Milady, please, I am not saying your anger is groundless, but surely even you can agree that this has escalated entirely beyond what is merited by such a minor incident!" Virion protests feebly.

"There is nothing minor about this!" Maribelle stamps her foot indignantly. "I will not sit idly by while he continues to show such a lack of respect! I know better than anyone the problems that can occur when he gets it into his head that the class system which holds our society upright can simply be ignored!"

"Once a thief, always a thief!" Ricken pipes in. "How long before he gets bored of pies and takes it further?"

"Quite right, Ricken." Maribelle nods haughtily. "I've seen full well the damage that dastardly rogue is capable of! And I will not let it happen again!"

"It won't happen again! Honest!" Gaius protests feebly. "Look, Twinkles, I-"

"Failing to recognize my name," Maribelle cuts in coldly, "Is doing absolutely nothing to help your case."

Gaius' jaw closes with an audible click. His head drops despondently.

"You're lucky you weren't executed after what you did!" Ricken puffs his chest out and points a finger melodramatically. "The Shepherds are the heroes of Ylisse! A cowardly thief has no place joining!"

"Hey!" Gaius snaps in sudden anger. "I'm a lot of things, sure, but I ain't a coward! I'm not taking that from some snot nosed kid too small for his damn hat."

"I'm not a kid! I'm a full-fledged Shepherd, and I have more right to be here than you do!" Ricken stamps his foot angrily.

"Everyone, please! This is getting entirely out of hand!" Virion cries out desperately, making eye contact with me with an absolutely frantic expression.

"It's been out of hand for quite a while already, I'd say." I reply, finally finding a chance to cut in. "Now. Does somebody want to tell me what the fuck is going on here?"

"Ben!" Maribelle gasps as she and Ricken whirl around in surprise. "I had not seen you enter!"

"Yes, well, you were rather preoccupied driving the rest of the Shepherds out of the dining hall." I gesture to the rest of the room irritably. "Now then, you know it's become my job to sort out any problems with our newest recruit," I take note of the way Ricken's face in particular twists at that as I continue, "So why don't you tell me what started all this."

Maribelle seems to remember herself as she takes in the rest of the room, now empty save for the five of us, and a hastily retreating Stahl. "I… hadn't realized." She says in a quiet voice. "Oh dear."

"Don't get upset with Twi- with Maribelle, okay?" Gaius says wearily. "It was my fault, I made a stupid comment and it upset her."

"I do not require you to defend me!" Maribelle snaps. "Indeed, I would much rather you cease such interactions with me completely. If you were to have the good grace to remove yourself from the room such incidents as this would cease entirely!"

"Maribelle." I growl in irritation. "You are a hell of a lot more responsible for this mess than he is, regardless of what he says. Only one person was disturbing the rest of the Shepherds when I got here, and it wasn't Gaius."

Maribelle blinks in surprise at that, but before I can continue Ricken interrupts me. "You're taking his side over ours? He's a thief, he shouldn't have been allowed to join the Shepherds in the first place! We should be throwing him in a cell, not defending him!"

"Ricken, shut up." I snap at him. "We'll discuss your behavior later. Right now I'm talking to Maribelle."

"You can't just tell me to shut up! I'm… I'm your teacher, I outrank you!"

"I'm more than ten years older than you and we haven't had a writing lesson in months, kid." I roll my eyes. I realize my mistake a moment too late and cringe in advance at the headache I'm bringing on myself.

"Don't call me a kid! I'm not a child, I'm a Shepherd and a grown up!" He protests hotly, stamping his foot and glaring up at me. I rapidly feel my already strained patience begin to slip away.

"That's twice you've spoken up after I specifically told you to wait your turn Ricken!" I say loudly, my voice just barely falling short of a yell. "Do not push me! I don't want to get Chrom involved in this stupid squabble, but if that's what I have to do to get some fucking respect from you, then you damn well better believe I'll do it!"

Ricken's jaw tightens as he glares up at me resentfully. Fine. Let the brat sulk. As long as he isn't running his mouth anymore I will be just fine with that. With his silence finally obtained I turn back to the others.

"Alright, so let's get this clear, first of all. Whether or not Gaius remains in the Shepherds is not even slightly a matter of debate. He's here, and he's staying here, until Chrom says otherwise. That is the way it works for everyone else in the Shepherds and it's not going to change just because Gaius has a shady past. Don't know why the fuck you're all talking at me like I have the power to kick him out.

"Secondly, there is no excuse for letting an argument grow to this extent. You're goddamn lucky Sumia isn't here today or she'd have your heads for this, and you know it. She's given people hell for less. I appreciate that you have some bad blood with Gaius Maribelle, but that doesn't excuse this degree of shit show. Show some professional courtesy to those around you, and deal with it quietly. When you snap like this it hurts more than just Gaius."

Maribelle grimaces, but doesn't refute the statement. Ricken glares at me like he wants to say something, but doesn't risk it for fear of my threat to get Chrom involved. I give him a warning look, and he turns aside to pout.

"Now then, Maribelle. Do you want to tell me why you blew up like this in the first place? I want to hear it from you, not Gaius."

Maribelle opens her mouth to speak then frowns, deep in thought. "I confess, after being so very wrapped up in the heat of the moment what was originally said has rather slipped my mind." She admits reluctantly.

"If you can't remember, then this argument may as well have been over nothing." I throw my hands up in frustration. "If you're going to make such a big goddamn deal over this then I'd hope you at least had the decency to remember why you were arguing in the first place."

"Clearly you have never been the recipient of a scorned woman's wrath." Virion mutters. I send him a frustrated look and he smiles apologetically.

"It wasn't the words that bothered me so much as it was the attitude expressed behind them." Maribelle replies. "Hearing him speak of the noble class with such an irreverent tone…"

"Maribelle, I know here at the castle you get shown a lot of respect, but damn near everywhere else in Ylisse most people don't give a rat's ass about nobility. It's pretty goddamn irrelevant once you've left the capital."

"Well most people don't go stealing from the royal treasury!" Maribelle snaps. "Nor do they attempt to frame my father for such a deed!"

Virion's and Ricken's eyes widen in shock. Mine do as well a brief moment later, once I remember the news is supposed to be surprising. Gaius simply hangs his head in shame beside me.

Okay, so how the fuck do I play this one?

I wasn't expecting Maribelle to out Gaius so easily. She's made it clear there was bad blood between the two of them, but I didn't expect her to be forthcoming with the details. No doubt the incident was something of a black mark on her family's honored history, even if the charges wouldn't have stuck.

Maribelle and the others are looking at me expectantly, so I turn to Gaius. "Can I assume from your silence and your expression that she's telling the truth?"

Gaius nods shakily. I let out a long sigh. Then turn to Maribelle. "Well. I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. It must have been horrible for you."

"It was… the most difficult time of my life." Maribelle replies shakily, her anger seeming to give way to the fearful memories she had of that time. "I thought I would lose him."

"I see." I nod in understanding. "I understand why you're upset at Gaius, Maribelle." She nods gratefully, but I hold up a hand to stop her before she can reply. "But that doesn't change the current situation."

"I beg your pardon!?" Maribelle gasps in surprise. "Are you seriously suggesting-"

"I'm telling you that your grudge, justified though it may be, has no real bearing upon the current situation." I nod. "There's no doubt that you have reason to be upset with him, but by your own admission this fight started over a statement so innocuous that you've already forgotten it. It seems clear to me that you're letting your previous experience color how you see him now."

"After everything I've just told you, you're still sticking up for him! I thought you better than to consort with liars and thieves, but clearly I was sorely mistaken!" Maribelle glares up at me.

"Of course I'm sticking up for him." I stare blankly down at Maribelle. "He's a fucking hero."

Gaius' head snaps up in shock. "I'm what now?"

"Gaius, I cannot count the number of lives you saved when you stepped up to help me the night you joined the Shepherds. You turned on your employers, putting your life at risk, and openly confessed to your crimes despite knowing that you'd likely suffer severe punishment for it. That takes a hell of a lot of courage and I have nothing but respect towards you for that."

"…Shit, Chuckles." Gaius lets out a croaking laugh and shakes his head. "When you put it like that I almost believe it myself."

"Well I don't believe it for a minute." Maribelle snaps. "A leopard cannot change its spots. Shame on you for letting yourself be swayed so easily by such flimsy lies!"

"Maribelle, were it not for Gaius the library would have burned that night." I look over at her calmly. "That's not a lie. That is a fact. It's something I watched him prevent."

"He was probably just doing it to trick you into speaking up for him!" Ricken bursts out angrily. "He's got it easy now, living in our barracks, eating our food, all because he fooled you!"

"Oh, then should I assume you're in on this little scheme?" I turn towards Ricken with a snarl, patience with the boy now strained to the verge of breaking. "Because the library was only put in danger because you ditched Miriel to go play hero. I know for a fact that Chrom talked to you about that little stunt."

"I was doing my duty to the Exalt by warning them of the danger!" Ricken protests, as though I didn't hear straight from Miriel and Chrom directly the trouble he caused.

Okay.

That's the last straw you little shit.

"YOU PUT INNOCENT LIVES AT RISK TO GO GLORY-SEEKING!" I bellow at him, cutting off his words. "If the weight of that colossal fuckup hasn't sunk in for you yet, then maybe I'll have to go talk to Chrom after all! Maybe I'll have to tell him that _you're_ not ready to be a Shepherd yet. This group exists to help the people of Ylisse, and that does not include propping your family name up so you can be a big shot in the court!" I gesture back to Gaius as I continue. "He was far more a Shepherd than you were that night! And I think you know it. That's why you're so eager to get him out; you can't handle the thought of somebody you think of as just a criminal stepping up to clean up _your fucking mess_!"

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Ricken screams. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING, YOU BASTARD!" Then he bursts into tears and rushes out of the room.

Not the reaction I was expecting…

Though… what the fuck _was_ I expecting?

"Ben, my friend, I understand why you were upset, but I believe you may have taken things a bit too far." Virion says quietly. "Ricken is inexperienced, but not callous. The boy is simply… young."

"…Fuck." I groan as Virion's words sink in. I just bullied a fourteen year old boy until I made him cry. What the fuck is wrong with me? "He's not the only one. I thought I'd outgrown losing my temper like that. Well, off the battlefield, at least."

"You've had a trying week. More so than most of us." Virion says, placing a supportive hand on my shoulder. "Believe me when I say that I long for but a fraction of your patience. Were I in your shoes, I'd have reached my limit long ago."

"Well, it seems that we are all at our wits end with this conversation." Maribelle sighs in defeat, rubbing her forehead in an uncharacteristic display of weakness. "I think it would be in the best interest of everyone involved if we postpone this discussion here for now. Clearly nothing productive has come of the matter."

"What sort of positive result could ever have come from this?" I throw my hands up in the air in exasperation. "Maribelle, this isn't going to _be_ a productive conversation no matter how many times we revisit it. I'd just as soon end it now, once and for all!"

"Then what would you suggest?" Maribelle groans angrily, clearly as exhausted as I feel now.

"That you put it aside! Act professionally about it. Just because you have reason to hate a fellow Shepherd doesn't mean you have to stew on it, and it definitely doesn't mean you should drag the other Shepherds into the situation. Look at Vaike and I, we've hated each other's guts since the day I joined and we managed to stop being disruptive assholes about it ages ago!"

"This is an entirely different degree of issue from your petty squabble with Vaike and you know it!" Maribelle hisses. "My grievances with Gaius are not based in some insensitive insult. He nearly tore my family apart!"

"I'm sorry!" Gaius bursts out desperately. "Twinkles I know I did wrong by you, and if I could take it all back I swear to you I would. Naga strike me down if I'm lying."

Maribelle stares disdainfully down at Gaius, expression as cold as I've ever seen it. "I know better than any what your word is worth, criminal. An apology means nothing from a liar like yourself."

"I'm a changed man!" Gaius bows his head. "I owned up to my actions a week ago, didn't I?"

"I'm not as easily convinced as Chrom or Ben." Maribelle sniffs. "For all I know, Ricken could be correct, and your actions could simply be a ploy to gain free room and board."

"Bit risky of a ploy there." I roll my eyes. "If there's one thing Ricken was right about, it's that Gaius really could have been executed for what he did."

"Then he's a reckless, foolish liar." Maribelle shakes her head. "He'll make you all regret vouching for him, I guarantee it."

"He's one of us, Maribelle." I say frankly. "You're going to have to get used to working with him."

"I will do no such thing!" Maribelle scoffs. "He is a criminal, and he will never have my trust."

"Actually, you won't have much choice in the matter." Another voice calls out, drawing everyone's attention. It's Robin, stalking towards us all as he scribbles away at his notebook. "I've just received approval from Chrom and Frederick. Until further notice Gaius is being assigned to the back lines. He'll be guarding our healers and mages."

"Uhh, you sure about that call, Bubbles?" Gaius looks over uneasily. "You know I'm really more of the sneaky, infiltration type, right?"

"I'm well aware of where your strengths lie, believe me." Robin smirks, flipping through his notebook and proudly displaying several pages packed with information on Gaius' abilities. "I look forward to making the most of your impressive skill set. But I won't be able to do that until this nonsense is settled."

Maribelle gapes at Robin. "Robin, you aren't seriously putting my life in the hands of this… this criminal, are you?"

"I am." Robin gives Maribelle a level stare. "I see no reason not to. From what I've heard Gaius did a fine job protecting Lissa during the invasion. And what's more, the sooner you learn to trust him, the sooner these damnable arguments can finally be brought to a close."

"How dare you!" Maribelle snaps. "I refuse to work under these circumstances. I wouldn't trust him to protect anything save for his own sorry self!"

"Then you will learn." Robin replies. "I meant what I said. Chrom and Frederick have approved this. It took some time, but I managed to impress upon Frederick the importance of dealing with this feud before it became more serious down the line. Chrom, of course, thought it was a brilliant idea from the start."

"Of course he did." Maribelle and I say in unison. Me in bemusement, her in frustration.

"Okay, I want things peaceful as much as anybody, but I'm not looking to step on any toes here." Gaius scratches at the back of his neck awkwardly. "If Twi-Maribelle!" He hastily amends at her glare. "If Maribelle isn't comfortable with me around, I'm fine keeping my distance."

"That isn't how we do things around here." Robin shakes his head. "Gaius, The Shepherds are trained to be the most elite fighting force in all of Archanea, and a big part of what makes that possible is cohesion. We are able to do the things we do not only because we are better trained and equipped than any other force our size, but because we work together better as well. You can't be excluded from that if we're going to stay strong in the war ahead. And honestly, I don't believe you deserve to be."

"You too, Robin?" Maribelle stares in horrified disbelief. "Why? Why is it that all of you are so determined to count this man over me, after everything he's done to me? To my family? Is-" She falls to her knees, bursting into tears. "Am I worth so little to you all? Is my pain such a tiny thing in your eyes?"

Oh god, we fucked up! Abort mission! System error!

"Uh!" I blink in horror, trading gazes with Gaius and Robin that are every bit as shocked. I stare desperately at Robin, trying to convey some sort of meaning with my eyes as Maribelle cries her heart out in front of us.

'What the fuck do we do?' I blink at him in bewilderment.

'Don't look at me, I literally have less than a year of experience with people, remember?' his wide eyes convey back.

'You're the one who turned this into a military edict, take responsibility!'

'You're the one who convinced Chrom to hire Gaius!'

'Do you have any idea how sick I am of hearing that?'

'Well it's true!'

By this point the two of us are having the quietest scuffle of my life, with thrown elbows and muffled grunts galore. The whole while we're openly glaring at each other.

"Gentlemen, this is hardly helpful behavior." Virion chides as he kneels down beside Maribelle and produces a silk handkerchief from his pocket. "Come now, my dear, dry those tears. It was never the intention of any of us to bring you such distress. I give you my word on that."

"I- I'm sorry, this is so disgraceful of me!" Maribelle sobs, frantically dabbing at her eyes. "I just feel so unsafe around him, after all that he's done. And people keep insisting that he's trustworthy in spite of it, and Lissa hasn't spoken to me all day! I can't help but feel so very overwhelmed by it all!"

"You have nothing to apologize for." I drop to one knee in front of her at Virion's gestured urging. "This isn't your fault. I… think you're right, to say I haven't been taking your fears seriously enough. Even if I don't necessarily agree with your opinion, I know you have good reason to feel the way you do. And I should be giving those reasons the proper attention they deserve. I'm truly sorry for being such an insensitive asshat."

"Me too." Robin grimaces. "I swear, I was only trying to help. I'm sorry for trying to force the issue. I think Gaius was right to say we should let you two stay separate for now. I'll talk to Chrom and tell him it was a stupid idea right away. Sorry Gaius."

"Hey, I appreciate the thought, Bubbles." Gaius says, shifting uncomfortably. "I just… it was a really horrible thing I did to her and her dad. I've got no illusions about that. And I don't want to make her life any tougher than I have already. So if she wants me to keep my distance then I've got no right to argue."

"Okay." I sigh, turning back to Maribelle, still fighting to regain her composure. "It's settled then. We'll let you and Gaius have plenty of time and space, okay? I'm sorry again."

"I appreciate your understanding." Maribelle sniffs one last time, before allowing Virion to help her back to her feet. "And… I suppose I owe you an apology as well, Ben. You've worked hard the last several days to keep the Shepherds on good terms after all that's happened, and I know I've made that difficult for you… perhaps more difficult than was merited."

"Like I said, I don't blame you in the slightest." I nod to her. "You had every reason to be upset."

"Perhaps, but I have hardly been showing the most respect to my peers in expressing my discomforts." Maribelle dusts her skirts off and hands Virion back his handkerchief. "My gratitude, Virion. Now then, I can see that you are willing to take my fears seriously, contrary to my earlier concern. As a proper lady of the nobility, it seems only right for me to display a similar courtesy in return."

"Uhh… what do you mean by that?" I blink in confusion.

"I mean to say that as you have shown serious consideration to my misgivings, it is only right for me to give a proper sense of consideration to the trust you have expressed."

I try not to let my jaw drop at this. That was a quick turnaround! Could it be that we've gotten through to her? No, not a chance. More likely she's just decided that she's as fed up with the arguing as I am and wants nothing to do with this bullshit anymore.

"Wait…" Gaius looks to Maribelle in disbelief, "Are you saying-"

"I shall stop you there before you get the wrong idea." Maribelle gives Gaius a cold glance that goes a long way toward confirming my suspicions. "Let me be clear, I still do not trust you myself in any way. Nor do I in any way intend to start. But I am willing to at least acknowledge that you have earned the trust of several good friends of mine, and as such will endeavour to… tolerate you."

Tolerate. That's… something, I suppose. I dunno, it doesn't really say much to me, but Gaius looks like he's just won the lottery.

"I can work with that!" He says eagerly. He makes as if to shake her hand before clearly thinking better of it and stepping back further. "I promise you, I won't make you regret it!"

"See that you do not, lest I bring my parasol to bear on you." Maribelle sniffs. "Now then, I do believe we can consider this matter closed for the time being. Thank you for your time gentlemen. I bid you good day."

"Right! Thanks everyone." Gaius gives us a cheery wave. "That's a real load off my mind." He practically skips out of the dining hall. Maribelle makes her own way out at a more sedate pace once he's completely vanished from sight, no doubt unwilling to actually leave with him.

This leaves Robin, Virion, and myself to slowly sink into chairs and stare blankly at the ceiling.

"What the fuck, guys?" I groan. "That was so much more painful than it should have been."

"Agreed." Robin shakes his head slowly. "I know my head's pretty empty right now, but I still feel like that was one experience I'd like to go… wherever the rest of my memories went."

"Such is the way of life, I'm afraid." Virion smiles wistfully. "A woman's wrath is a wild and tempestuous thing, never to be underestimated."

"Yeah, won't be making that mistake again any time soon." I chuckle. "As long as we don't count a certain temperamental daughter of mine. I do something to piss her off daily."

"No I think that counts."

"Fuck off, Robin."

The three of us chuckle at that, then fall into a companionable silence, still leaning back in our chairs and gazing to the heavens.

Then Robin breaks the silence. "If Maribelle's wrath is a tempest, does that mean we're hiding in the eye of the storm right now?"

I blink, then share a look with Virion. He grimaces. "It is… a distinct possibility."

"Shit." I frown. Then shake my head. "You know what, I don't want to fucking think about that right now. Let's go to your room, Virion. You can kick our ass in that strategy game of yours for a while and we can just forget about this debacle."

"Speak for yourself, I was this close to beating him last time." Robin grins enthusiastically, hopping to his feet.

"Close means nothing when in the end, I have still managed to shame you, my friend."

"Just wait Virion, I'll have you eating those words before the day is over!"

* * *

"Dad."

"What's up kiddo?"

"I have a question for you."

"Shoot."

"Why has Ricken been glaring at you since we started breakfast?"

I sigh, turning away from my plate to look across the dining hall. Sure enough, the youngest of the Shepherds is giving me a look like I stepped on a puppy. Which is somewhat appropriate, since the mental comparison has been made by myself on multiple occasions, usually when he's following Chrom around. When the kid notices me looking in his direction, his glare intensifies, eyes focused only on me as he struggles to stab at his bacon. You'd think a night's rest would have let the kid cool off.

"God dammit." I sigh and turn back to Severa. "How long has he been looking at me like that?"

"I told you, as soon as we sat down to eat." Severa gives me a very unimpressed look. "What did you do?"

"Scolded him." I mutter. Severa's gaze lingers and I roll my eyes. "Scolded him a bit too enthusiastically. In my defense he was being a shit."

"Aren't you like, twice his age?"

"Fuck!" I blink in horror. "I nearly am, aren't I? Good lord, that's… I'm so fucking old!"

"Dad." Severa stares blankly at me.

"Sorry, sorry, I just- ugh. That's a seriously painful revelation."

"Dad."

"Don't you 'Dad' me, kiddo. You'll understand once you're my age."

She glares at me and I resist the urge to sigh. "Alright Severa, I'm listening."

"Why are you picking a fight with somebody half your age?" She accuses.

Okay, ouch. "I didn't pick a fight with anybody. In case you haven't noticed, your dad has been doing nothing but breaking up fights for the past week."

"Last I checked breaking up fights doesn't mean starting new ones." Severa rolls her eyes.

"Touché." I grin as I spear a cherry tomato with my fork. "In all seriousness, I'm aware that the Ricken situation is a problem. Not the least of which because the kid's never gonna eat enough if he keeps glaring at me like that." Severa lets out a snort of laughter at that, then gives me the usual look promising death if I comment on it. I send her a cheeky smirk as I chew my tomato, then continue. "Anyways, I definitely went too far in how I told him off. I realized as much as soon as I'd finished saying what I did."

"So apologize and get him to stop that already." Severa grumbles. "The glaring is already getting annoying."

"Nah." Severa blinks in surprise at me, and I shrug. "I don't feel like it. It's true I got carried away yelling at him. But it's also true he worked his ass off to get me to that point. Fact is, the kid's needed an attitude adjustment for a while now. And if I apologize while he's got that attitude about him he'll just go on thinking the way he's been acting has been correct."

"Sounds like you're just being stubborn."

"Oh that's definitely part of it." I shrug again. "But only part. If it makes you feel better I'm going to talk to Frederick later and fill him in."

"As long as somebody's telling you off for being an idiot."

I grin back at her, about to reply, when I spot a glimpse of blue out of the corner of my eye. Chrom and Frederick are making their first appearance in the barracks since the attack. "Hey, been a while since he's been able to drop in." My smile broadens as I call out across the hall. "Morning Chrom, finally decided to grace us with your presence?"

"From what I've heard, you and Robin have been taking care of things here just fine without us." Chrom gives me a weary grin. "Thank you for that, by the way." I tactfully ignore the annoyed looks some of the other Shepherds give me at that and nod gratefully. Maybe I didn't do a perfect job, but I worked my ass off trying to keep the peace and won't say no to some appreciation.

"Thank Virion, if it wasn't for him Maribelle would have killed both of us by now." Robin replies from the next table over, prompting a chorus of laughter from around the room. Curiously not laughing is Maribelle, who gives me a considering look as she sips her tea.

…That one can be quite terrifying when she wants to be.

"At any rate," Chrom continues, oblivious to the chills running up my spine, "I'm pleased, extraordinarily pleased in fact, to say that a reprieve from my house arrest will be arriving shortly!" The room gives a loud cheer at that, and he can't help but chuckle. "It really has been too long, yes. The Shepherds have two important jobs to do in the coming months. Our first task will be to act as escort to my sister and several other nobles; the Exalt shall be travelling to the Eastern Palace, where she will be farther from the war, and farther from King Gangrel's claws."

"About time, too." Severa mutters as everyone cheers at the declaration. "Last thing I want is to stop another stupid assassination."

I feel a weight settle in my gut at the words. Chrom carries on, talking about the trip everyone will be making to Regna Ferox once Emmeryn's been moved, but I don't pay much attention at that point.

It's something I've been putting off thinking about. The fact is, now that the assassination has been successfully prevented, I am completely on my own here. The only one who knows what's coming next is… me. Well, that and everyone else who's played Fire Emblem in my home world, but they don't really count, do they? The future kids knew what was happening until now, but the future they were trying to stop is already off the rails.

From now on, only I know where events may lead. And that means some tough choices ahead. Things are going to get worse before they get better here, and I may have the chance to stop that. I failed to do so when Cordelia left, partly because I was caught up in how miserable her situation had become, and partly because I didn't really have much time to think about it. If I'd prepared though, could I have done something already? Could I have saved the lives of Cordelia's fellow knights?

Can I do something for Emmeryn?

Is it right to do something?

That seems like an absurd question at first; my initial thought is that I should do anything I can to help Emmeryn if I can, but the more I think on it the more I find myself doubtful. As much as I don't want Emmeryn to die, there is no denying that Emmeryn's martyrdom is critical to how things work out in the game. Her sacrifice supposedly ends the war years ahead of the previous timeline. The way Emmeryn dies is the catalyst for success against Grima. She makes the Plegian war end quickly, which makes the Valm war go smoother, which makes the next Plegian war easier as well.

The warning Severa gave me from my future self comes to mind. If I tamper with things I could ruin everything. It's reckless, more than anything. I know the road that leads to success. I know that if things move along the route they're heading it could mean saving the world from destruction. It would be stupid to change things. Sure, there have been things that don't play out the way I expected them to, but ultimately the broader scope of events have played out exactly as I expected. Future children showed up sooner, and Deadlords are roaming about, but still my knowledge holds true. A few minute details aren't enough for me to make the conclusion that it's safe to fuck with the timeline. Not yet, at any rate.

If only there was a way for Emmeryn to martyr herself without dying... Unfortunately the death part is something of a prerequisite.

I'll have to think on it. Not the least of which because my conscience won't let me rest otherwise. If there's a way to save Emmeryn's life I'd happily take it, but not if it saps her sacrifice of its potency. There's far too much to lose if I get overeager.

A hand waves in my face, startling me from my thoughts. I look up and see Severa glaring at me. "Everything alright there, kiddo?"

"You tell me. You've been staring off into space like a moron for a while."

I blink, looking around and seeing that the room's considerably emptier than when I was last paying attention, with more than half of the Shepherds now missing. "Huh. So I have. Where'd everyone go?"

"Are you seriously that oblivious?" Severa rolls her eyes. "They're getting ready for a patrol. There have been Risen acting up since we've been stuck here for so long, so Chrom wanted to head out today and clear up as much as he could before we left."

"Bit of a rush, huh?"

"We leave in two days." Severa stares flatly at me. "Gawds, did you listen to anything?"

"Not after he brought up the Eastern Palace." I frown.

"Is it too late to get somebody with some sense to adopt me?" Severa asks loudly so that everyone still in the room can hear. "I think this one's broken."

"That would certainly explain how our first meeting went." Gaius chuckles as he walks past.

"After all I've done for you!" I gasp in mock-offense.

"I'm just saying what everyone else is thinking, Chuckles!" Gaius shoots me a grin. "Even I think you were crazy to hire me."

"Hear-hear!" A scattered chorus goes up around the room, and I sink into my seat grumpily.

Despite my best efforts to take the ribbing in stride, I still find myself eating and leaving the room rather quickly after that. I don't take well to being the subject of a joke, something anyone who was present for the start of my feud with Vaike can attest to. Severa remains, being both unaware of my discomfort and averse to the crutches she's stuck using to get around at the moment. When she goes somewhere she sticks around as long as she can get away with.

Despite this, I rapidly find I'm not alone when I leave.

"Ben, just the man I wanted to see!"

I blink at the voice, and turn to stare flatly at my follower. "Anna, that line doesn't work if you chase me out of a room to say it."

"Hush, you." Anna waves at me impatiently. "I'm not really concerned with a sales pitch at the moment, okay? I've got something important to talk to you about."

I stare blankly at her for a moment. "What, you're finally pulling through on the whole gate thing? I thought you fucking forgot about that, honestly."

"I thought you did." Anna gives me a flat look. "All that talk you gave me about wanting to go see your family, and then you adopt that kid. It's like you're trying to give yourself a headache."

"I guess I'm just a masochist." I roll my eyes.

Anna frowns at that, and I'm mildly surprised to see what looks like genuine concern in her eyes. "Seriously big guy, what's the deal with that? I signed up to help you here, and I don't intend to go back on my promise. I said I'd try to help you get home, and I meant it. So if you're giving up on that…"

"I'm not." I shake my head instinctively, before pausing to think about her words. "At least… I don't think I am. Look, you want to know why I adopted Severa? It's simple. I love her. She my kid and I would die to protect her. That doesn't mean I don't want to see my family anymore, I haven't stopped caring about them, but it doesn't change what's going on here. Despite my best efforts I can't just turn my emotions off and ignore how I feel about what's happened to me since I came here."

"Ugh. Love." Anna makes a face. "Never done anyone the slightest bit of good. The stories my family could tell you about what those kinds of attachments get you, hoo boy."

"I've heard enough about your family to know it's as twisted as they come." I reply coolly.

Before I can blink Anna has me by the collar and has dragged my face down to her level, expression cold as she looks me in the eye. "I'm going to warn you one time, Ben. Do not. Insult. My. Family. I told you before that there is nothing in this world that matters to me more and I meant it."

I manage to keep a straight face only because my mind has gone blank from fear. "Fair enough, I went too far! I apologize."

Anna stares at me another moment, then releases me. "Apology accepted. Just don't let it happen again." She watches as I straighten my clothing back out, then comments with a smirk. "You know your voice gets higher pitched when you're trying not to panic."

"I'll have to work on that." I grumble. "You know that's exactly the kind of love I was referring to, right? That whole, 'don't mess with my family or I'll fuck you up' thing you just did?"

Anna thinks on that for a moment. "I suppose so!" She says brightly. "Usually when the L word gets thrown around in my family it's because of a bad breakup. Our family has a long history of good looks and sharp minds, so we have little trouble starting relationships, but very few of the people we end up involved with actually have what it takes to stick around."

"It does seem pretty cutthroat with your family." I nod in agreement. Anna sends me a sharp look and I throw my hands up in surrender. "Observation, not a judgement!"

"Better not be, mister!" Anna replies, laughter in her voice. Clearly she enjoys intimidating people. A dangerous woman by all accounts. "Anyways, let's get back on topic here. I've been meaning to give you an update for a while, but since you adopted a kid last week I wanted to ask first if you're still looking for info on the Gate."

"I am." I nod in affirmation. "Like I said, I've still got family and friends back there."

"Right." Anna sighs. "A shame, it would have made my life easier if you'd changed your mind."

"How so?" I give her a curious look.

"Let's just say it's looking like your situation is going to be much more of a headache for me and my family than I first expected." Anna frowns. "Those of us at the top of the ladder, the ones with the most knowledge on the gate, have been arguing non-stop about what to do about your situation. The Outrealm thing is a closely guarded secret, so having somebody show up who just… knows all this stuff about it has them all losing their heads."

"So they've just been arguing about it for months?"

"Of course!" Anna nods vehemently. "This is a secret that my family has been successfully keeping from the rest of the world for centuries! I told you before, knowledge is power, and this is some of the most powerful knowledge out there! Heck, some of my cousins were saying we should just kill you!"

"Come again?" I stare at her in shock.

Anna waves a hand dismissively. "That idea was shelved weeks ago, don't worry. Too much trouble for little to no gain, and not just because you're friends with a prince. General consensus is that people want to learn as much as we can about you, but also that nobody wants to risk you learning our secrets. So it's pretty much a big stalemate over that."

"You know, when you said you had an update I was hoping to hear you were figuring out how to help me. Not… being bureaucratic about it."

"You don't get as powerful as my family is without being bureaucratic." Anna shrugs.

Guess I'll never be truly powerful then. I hate bureaucracy with a passion. But telling Anna I hate everything her family stands for might constitute an insult, so I keep my thoughts silent on that one.

"Alright, well if it helps…" I push my thoughts back on topic as I mull things over. "I have zero intention of leaving before this war ends. If I'm going to pay a visit back home, then it's going to be at a time when my absence has less chance of fucking everyone over."

"Good to know there's no rush, I suppose." Anna frowns thoughtfully. "Nice to know you're confident about surviving this thing, too."

"I wouldn't say confident, per se." I shrug. "With the whole trauma thing I've got going on I'm still probably one of the weaker Shepherds. But I've lived through enough that I'm starting to like my chances."

"Oh yeah, like that story they're talking about in the slums?" Anna nods in understanding. "Is that the same mess that had everyone fussing about you when I first joined?"

"Some details of the story have been… embellished." I grumble, not particularly caring for another reminder of that fucking mess.

"That does tend to be the case with these things, doesn't it?" Anna nods along. "If it makes you feel better, it's only really spreading among the really low class parts of town. Criminals, vagrants, people like that. It doesn't really stick with most honest folks. Nobody wants to believe their ruler is hiring a mass murderer, right?"

"I don't know." I drawl. "Plegia doesn't seem to give a shit."

"Very true!" Anna chuckles along. "Alright! I'm going to head into town now. Gotta pass what you said on to the family. And check market prices out east. Wasn't expecting such a sudden trip, but I'm sure I can arrange a few deals before we leave! It should make for a good challenge! Take care!"

"You too." I nod as Anna heads for the door. After another moments thought I decide I should stop her again. "Anna." I call out, catching her just before she makes it outside. "It did make me feel better, hearing that. So… thanks." I scratch at my neck awkwardly.

Anna beams at me. "Glad to hear it, big guy!" She makes to leave again, before pausing in thought. "Hey, you know just now you said you wanted to go home just to 'visit', right?"

I blink in surprise. "Uhh, did I?"

"Figured you'd missed that." Anna smirks at me. "Anyways, thought I should mention that to you, in case you hadn't noticed. It's almost like you're having second thoughts about leaving, huh? Something to consider. Anyways, bye now!" She vanishes out the door with a cheery wave.

I stare blankly at the door. "Figures she'd take the time to give me one last headache before finishing the conversation." I shake my head irritably. "That one is nothing but trouble."

* * *

 **I'll confess to being somewhat worried about certain aspects of this chapter. Emotional arguments are intimidating to write, and I'm sure some readers may be upset that this is how I chose to give Ricken a proper introduction. Apologies if this is the case, but I don't know that this would have ended up any other way. As a character Ricken's biggest personality trait is 'immature', so his first appearance was always going to be... problematic.**

 **Next time, we get back into the action!**

 **And here's the usual link to the discord. Come join if you're interested, it's a great server for fanfiction, writing tips, and just generally having a good time!  
discord .gg/9XG3U7a**


	30. Interlude 2

**Another change in perspective for you all!**

* * *

The trip between Ylisstol and the border with Plegia takes a great deal more time on our return journey. Five days instead of the two from before. I suppose that's the difference between a routine flight and when one is running for their life. Aurora seems to be pleased with the arrangement, happy to be flying with me for more than just drills. The extended time in the air is doing wonders for her.

If only I could say I felt the same. As much as I try to lose myself in the thrill of flight I can't help but feel the weight on my heart.

I'm so alone here. More so than ever before. The Pegasus Knights were my goal for so long, but the longer I spend here the more I find myself hating it. The gossip, the isolation, the hostility… it all overshadows the dreams I had, and those dreams grow darker by the day.

Perhaps it would have been better if Commander Phila had released me from her service. I think back to the sight of my friends as they saw me off a few days ago. All doing their part for Ylisse, all standing together. A part of me is bitterly jealous of them, of that togetherness, and I hate myself for it.

"Hey!"

A voice jolts me from my musings. I look to my right to see one of my fellow knights giving me an annoyed look. Rebecca scowls at me, her short violet hair whipping in the wind. "Snap out of it, we're landing. Just because Little Lady Genius is good enough to fly with her eyes closed doesn't mean you shouldn't be paying attention with the rest of us."

I blink in surprise, looking down at the fort we'll be reporting to as we carry out our border patrols. It looms beneath me, having grown shockingly close in the time I've been thinking, and I chide myself for losing focus for so long. More than half of the knights have already landed. Had I not been at the rear of the formation I may have flown over without noticing.

I follow the knights in front of me and prompt Aurora to descend, circling slowly as we approach the courtyard. Rebecca lists to the side next to me; her poor landings are the primary reason she remains at the back of the formation. I gaze down at the fort below me as we draw nearer.

Something is wrong…

"Where are the guards?" I wonder aloud, watching as Veronica, our captain on this mission, strides across the courtyard, empty save for the landing knights. "They should be here to greet us."

An uneasy feeling curls its way into my stomach, and I instinctively sharpen my focus, looking for the source of my discomfort. The fort seems unharmed, but there are no people here… not a sign of a struggle, and messages have been arriving from the fort as usual, last I checked…

So why does the road leading to the main gate have so many footprints? Enough for an army, even…

A lone wyvern shrieks out, a cry of agitation that comes from a cluster of trees not far from the fort.

At that same moment Captain Veronica opens the door to the fort. She barely looks within before throwing herself to the side. Not even a second later a bolt of lightning flies from the door, tearing through the wood and striking an unwitting Pegasus Knight that had been standing behind the Captain. The explosion of magical force echoes through the air.

"The fort has fallen! It's an ambush!" I cry out in horror, tugging on the reins and bringing Aurora into a sharp climb.

From there all hell breaks loose. Veronica bolts towards her Pegasus, her cry echoing my own as she rushes for her mount. Our realization comes too late though; even as my fellow knights coax their mounts to take flight, archers stream from the wall towers, surrounding the knights from above and firing indiscriminately. With nearly three quarters of the Pegasus Knights already on the ground, there's very little chance of them failing to hit a target.

The sound of screaming Pegasus and Knights fills the air.

* * *

I dart through the air, dodging arrows and wyverns alike. Only a few left. No more than a dozen of us Pegasus Knights against three times as many enemy fliers, to say nothing of the archers and mages.

Speaking of mages… I spot a Grimleal mage attempting to drag a knight from the sky with wind magic. A dangerous threat, but not the smartest in execution. My javelin pins the exposed sorcerer to the wall top, killing him instantly. They're certainly a great deal more manageable with an aerial advantage.

I turn back to the knight I rescued just in time to see her Pegasus struck by an arrow. Rebecca falls to the ground screaming, and I pull into a dive to rescue her from her saddle.

An outstretched hand stops me before I can follow her. "It's too late!" Veronica snaps at me sharply, her blonde hair now dark with blood. "Follow her and you'll die the same."

"Captain!" I gasp in shock, "I thought you were dead!"

"Not yet I'm not." She growls, eyes darting about as she leads me towards a small group of Knights that are holding formation. "But we don't have much more time. The knights holding out on the ground don't have much longer before that bastard king overwhelms them, and once they're dead we'll be soon to follow."

I look back to the ground to the knights in question, a small group that have built a makeshift barricade of their fallen Pegasus and are hurling javelins at the archers raining hell upon them. From this high up I can barely see them, only the mass of white that marks their Pegasus clearly visible. Gangrel himself is only visible due to the bright flashes from that cursed magic sword he wields.

I feel tears run down my face. It's really over then? There's so much left I wanted to do with my life! Become a knight captain, fall in love, start a family... is that really about to come to an end here? "Captain, what are we going to do? I… I'm not ready to die."

"We are going to fight." Veronica says with a grim smile. "And you… you are going to flee."

"What?" I freeze, hands tightening on Aurora's reins.

"I am giving you the duty of escaping to tell Commander Phila and the Exalt what happened here." Veronica nods. "You have to warn them what's coming."

"No, Captain, I can still fight! I can help you!"

"It's an order, knight. You're the best flier we have, and the one with the best chance of escaping. It has to be you." Veronica smiles affectionately. "We'll make an opening for you to escape, and keep them busy. Maybe we can only buy you a few minutes, but that should be plenty of time for Little Lady Genius, right?"

"Please, don't do this! We can all escape together! Don't make me leave you all!" I sob desperately.

"Good luck, Cordelia!" Veronica says, taking the head of the formation and driving the remaining fliers eastward.

The wyverns are a wall of scales and armor that fall upon us as soon as we make our bid to escape. Veronica's group drills through that wall with brutal efficiency, even as those on the fringe of the formation are torn apart. I follow through the gap they make and find myself suddenly facing open air, the sight almost shocking after almost half an hour of prolonged aerial combat. In spite of this I urge Aurora onward.

When I hazard a look back I see Captain Veronica and her last few knights darting through the air as the Plegian Wyvern brigade falls upon them. The knights fight fiercely enough that only a handful of Wyvern riders are able to follow me. Damn them all for doing this!

Damn me for letting them.

* * *

Wyverns are faster than Pegasus in a straight chase, meaning my escape is far from over even an hour after the other knights sacrifice themselves for me. It's the unfortunate difference between a creature that flies naturally and one that uses magic to fly, a minor difference that becomes all too vital in situations such as these. That same magic allows Aurora greater agility, enough that she can dodge around the snapping jaws and swiping polearms of my pursuers, but every time we do so means precious seconds lost.

My arms ache as I strike at the latest of these attackers, my lance piercing the throat of the wyvern, and sending it tumbling through the air. It's thrashing head nearly tugs the weapon from my hands, and I curse as I fumble to retrieve it.

Sloppy. Far too sloppy. In the time I spent recovering the next wyvern has caught up. Aurora corkscrews through the air as the rider tries to cut at her wing with his halberd, and I cut through the wyvern's belly as I move. The rider's saddle is slashed loose as I do so, and both wyvern and rider fall not far behind the first.

Instead of wyverns and men though, all I can hear is Pegasus and my fellow knights.

* * *

The constant dodging and fighting take their toll. After nearly five straight hours of close escapes I'm forced to bring Aurora in to land. She uses magic to help her flight, but her wings still need rest. I take shelter in a forest, taking comfort in the darkness around me, which is growing enough that soon even Aurora's coat will be hidden in shadow.

Unfortunately my pace slows to a crawl as a result. Pegasus bones are too lightweight to support anything more than a trotting pace on land. Aurora's legs simply can't handle the strain of it. So we're forced to creep along the forest floor at a snail's pace as the wyverns sweep overhead, trying to pick us out.

The night is spent creeping along slowly in this manner, my eyes straining to pick out the wyverns as they pass above. It's not easy, but Phila taught me once to watch the stars to find them. By watching where the stars are blotted out I'm able to keep a general idea of where my pursuers are at all times.

The focus required to do this does mean that I'm caught quite off guard when I stumble across something on ground level though.

Unlike Aurora's bright coat, the creature that comes upon me is darkly colored, blending into the shadows seamlessly. I get the briefest glimpse of eyes in the dark before a massive creature comes exploding out of the undergrowth and knocks me from Aurora's back. I crash to the ground with a cry of alarm, Aurora screaming in alarm as I'm pinned into the dirt.

"Stop! Stop it King! Leave them alone!"

The beast is gone in an instant, leaving me dazed on the ground. I stare blankly into the air, trying to regain my breath, but am unable to come to my senses until I'm made aware of a figure hunched over me.

"Come on now miss, let's get you on your feet!" A young man babbles in a hushed whisper, pulling me to a sitting position. I attempt to push him away, head still reeling from my sudden tumble, but he persists. "Quickly now, I know yer head must be spinning something awful, but we don't have time to wait. That Pegasus of yours is kicking up one heck of a racket!"

Something about the voice seems vaguely familiar to me, and I focus on the man enough to see a telltale kitchen pot resting on his head. "Are you… Donnel? The Shepherd?"

The man reels back at this, then leans in closer, peering closely at my face. "Golly, is that you, Cordelia?"

"I'm glad you remember me." I nod, letting him pull me back to my feet. I sharp click of my tongue signals to Aurora that I'm alright, and calms her considerably despite the large creature (a Griffon, I finally note) still sitting nearby.

"Begging your pardon ma'am, but you're a difficult sight to forget." Donnel chuckles sheepishly. "Now, let's get moving quick-like. If all them Wyverns above have any sense in their head they'll be closing in on us right about now. We have to get ourselves hidden."

"Of course." I reply, taking a few shaky steps forward and leaning on Aurora's flank for support. "Lead the way."

We move as quickly and quietly as we can manage, though Aurora and I prove to be the weakest in that regard. Donnel is a trained trapper, and walks as silent as a wraith through the trees. And the Griffon, somehow, is even quieter. It still gives me the side-eye as we move, and it doesn't take me long to realize why. The Griffon protects two riders, a young girl and an infant boy.

The children from my last visit to the Plegian border. Dahlia and Lumír. It would seem we're making a habit of meeting under less than favorable circumstances. An odd coincidence (if it is a coincidence at all), but not one I can safely question yet.

After a while spent following Donnel as he leads us on a weaving path through the trees he finally finds a small clearing of sorts, a grove where the trees have grown so twisted that the canopy above is impenetrable. "Alright, I reckon they'll have a heck of a time finding us here!" He declares, quiet but cheerful. "Let's take us a moment to catch our breath."

"Thank you Donnel." Dahlia says softly. "This will be perfect."

"Aww, tweren't nothing." Donnel says sheepishly, scratching his head. After a moment he looks back to me and grows more serious. "Now then, since we've got some room to breathe, what do you say we get those scrapes of yours patched up?"

I blink in confusion and he gestures to my arm. A cut runs along my forearm, long but shallow. Apparently the Griffon's claw caught me. I turn towards the creature and it seems to shift in a way that almost seems guilty.

Dahlia appears at my side in an instant, fishing through the multitude of pouches on her person and pulling out several things. Water, cloth, bandages, and a sort of salve. "King sent you rolling in the dirt, so I'll have to clean the wound." She says calmly, wetting the cloth and approaching my arm. "Do you need something to bite down on?"

"I'll manage. Do what you must." I nod, letting her go to work. Her touch with the cloth is light, but burns like fire as she brushes against my wound. I feel my eyes roll in my head as my teeth clench, and I force myself to talk so that I can take my mind off of the pain. "How did you learn to tend to wounds at such a young age?"

"An old friend of my father ran an apothecary." She says, hands not wavering in the slightest as she squints in the dark. "I expressed an interest in healing at a young age, and my father had me apprentice there for several years. I learned a great deal from him. Are you trained in magic use by any chance?"

"Somewhat, but not extensively." I admit. "And healing was always my worst subject."

"Drat. I shall have to do this with one hand." She pulls a small spellbook from a pouch to her side and uses it to produce a tiny flame, which she holds in one hand as she continues to tend to me. "It's rather difficult to work in the dark like this."

"I can lend you a hand, if you think it'll help." Donnel chimes in.

"That would be lovely Donnel, thank you." She smiles gently over at him, gesturing him to come to her side. "If you could hold this for me." She deposits the flame into his hands, her smile growing mischievous as he panics. "It's quite safe, I assure you."

"So how did you two come to meet?" I ask curiously. "Are you no longer with the Shepherds, Donnel?"

"Well gosh, I sure hope I am!" Donnel gasps nervously. "I've been gone far longer than I meant to be, that's for darn sure."

"I work as a courier." Dahlia says, peering closely at the wound. "This may need stitches. I assume you don't want any sort of painkillers at the moment? I'm sorry to say I'm out of numbing salve right now, so I have no way to dull the pain without drugging you."

"I can't afford to let my senses be dulled tonight, I'm afraid." I reply grimly, knowing what's coming next.

"Understandable. You will want to grit your teeth for this one though." She pulls a needle and thread from a pouch and begins fussing with the two. "I strongly suggest you find a belt or rag to bite on."

I don't hesitate to unbuckle my belt and bring it to my mouth. Donnel looks away in embarrassment, an amusing notion seeing as my belt covers nothing that doesn't already have several layers in place.

"I appreciate how cooperative you're being." Dahlia says, amused. "Not everyone is so willing to seriously consider the medical advice of one my age. Now then, where was I?"

"Courier." Donnel replies, head still firmly turned aside.

"Ah yes, of course. Ever since I lost my family, I took up work delivering messages or packages. I'm able to charge quite a bit for my services, too." I stifle a flinch as the needle pierces my skin. "Hold the light closer please Donnel. Yes, perfect. Most people in my line of work are forced to travel on foot. The more expensive couriers have horses. Very few have the luxury of a flying mount. So King and I are able to support ourselves quite well with the money I make delivering packages. I came across Donnel in Southtown about two months ago, and decided to hire his services."

"Services?" I muffle out around my belt.

"I'm something of a bodyguard." Donnel replies, glancing briefly in my direction. "Miss Dahlia recognized me from the Shepherds, and asked me to help her for a while."

"He's done a great deal for me." Dahlia smiles, hands moving deftly. "I've learned a great deal about hunting and foraging from Donnel since he started helping me. It can be rather hard to eat properly on the road sometimes. And he helps King deal with unsavory fellows."

"I'm pretty darn sure King does a heck of a lot more than I do in that regard." Donnel mutters, eyeing the Griffon nervously. If anything, the creature seems to be almost amused by that.

"Nonsense, I feel far safer with your assistance." Dahlia replies cheerfully. "Just about done here, miss knight. I do feel bad about keeping poor Donnel from the Shepherds of course, but he hasn't heard a word of protest from me. He's quite dedicated to looking after Lumír and I."

I see Donnel's cheeks going pink at that and feel myself grin despite the belt in my mouth. He has a crush, how precious! Dahlia seems to be done with the needle, so I pull the belt from my mouth and reply. "Well I suppose to get into the Shepherds at his age, he must be quite dedicated."

"That's true!" Dahlia replies, oblivious to the wide-eyed look Donnel is giving me as she applies a cream to the skin around my injury. "Though it will all be coming to a close soon. I'll not be travelling for a while once I've finished my current delivery."

"Oh?" I look down to her curiously.

"I've noticed that things around here are getting to be a bit too dangerous for my liking." Dahlia gestures absentmindedly towards the sky. "So I've arranged for a delivery job north, to Regna Ferox. Gelida Dominus to be precise. Once I'm there I will be putting my services on hold for a while, so I won't need Donnel's services. The Shepherds will be heading there soon as well, I hear, so it works out quite nicely for both of us."

Donnel's expression says plainly that he has mixed feelings about that, but he shakes his head silently as he notices my gaze. He doesn't want to talk about it, I suppose. I can certainly relate to that feeling. "The Shepherds are heading north?" I say instead, focusing on the more serious news. "Isn't it a dangerous time to be leaving the country."

"That would be exactly why." Dahlia replies calmly, rolling bandages around my arm. "They're aiming to make use of their allegiance with Regna Ferox. The consensus is that their help will be necessary to win the war."

A part of me wonders if their help will be enough, after what happened today. But I keep quiet on the matter, not wanting to burden a young girl with the information. "So the Exalt is alone in Ylisstol then?"

"She's left Ylisstol." Dahlia says, tying the bandage and giving an approving nod. "Hold still another moment while I look for any further injuries, if you please. The Exalt is being escorted to the Eastern Palace before Prince Chrom leaves for the north. They left several days ago. By now I imagine they're approaching Breakneck Pass." She frowns for a moment. "Such a morbid name, honestly."

"How is it that you know all this?" I gaze suspiciously at her. "That's not information that the Halidom would carelessly spread about."

Dahlia blinks in surprise at this, seeming to be taken aback at my tone. "Oh! Yes, I suppose I can see how…" She trails off and starts fidgeting, suddenly looking far more her age. "I deliver mostly for noble families. And a lot of them are… very loud. It's not hard to hear things."

"She's not wrong." Donnel pipes up quickly. "I was with her when we heard the news a day ago, over in Themis. Some rich fellow was yelling about it. Seemed awful mad he hadn't been warned about it or something."

That does change things. Dahlia may be something of a mystery, but Donnel is anything but, a simple farmer and trapper who made it into the Shepherds mostly by Chrom's generosity, as Sumia's told it. He could be lying for the sake of his crush, but… I can't help but feel he's a bit too honest for that.

And somehow seeing Dahlia look nervously up at me, feet shuffling in the dirt, makes me want to trust her. The girl takes the term 'precocious' to a level beyond anything even I've seen, but she does seem to still be a child at heart. One who currently looks up at me as though caught doing something naughty, awaiting punishment.

"Be sure to be careful who you speak to about such things in the future. It could be dangerous." I say, smiling down at the girl and giving her a pat on the head. She goes very still at that, her gaze unsure as she looks up at me. "I'm not mad at you, don't worry. I'm actually very thankful."

"Really?" Her gaze is still cautious.

"Really." I smile even bigger and crouch down so that I'm face to face with her. "I actually had something important to tell The Exalt, so you helped me a lot!"

Dahlia seems to sag a little with relief, a wobbly smile creeping across her face as she tries to casually wipe at her eyes. My heart gives a pang of pity and sorrow for this little girl, trying so hard to be an adult after all that she's lost. A part of me wants to hug her, comfort her somehow, but I know she'd likely not appreciate such a thing from a stranger.

And besides, I know full well that I'm hardly in a good place to comfort anyone right now.

"I'm glad to hear that I was able to be of assistance." Dahlia says shakily, regaining her composure.

"Yes, I-" I pause for a moment, looking towards Aurora and King. Aurora's ears are flicking irritably, and the Griffon is staring intently into the dark of the forest. "Put the light out!" I hiss with sudden urgency.

Dahlia wastes no time, scooping her book up and causing the fire to wink out in Donnel's hand. The boy wastes no time, drawing his sword and gesturing to us. "Wait here. I can move a heck of a lot quieter than you can." He vanishes into the forest without another word, leaving the rest of us to wait in the dark.

The next few moments are spent in tense silence. I peer into the forest and see the faint glow of distant torches. Too far away to have spotted our tiny fire, thankfully, but also a clear sign that those hunting me are drawing closer.

"Plegia." I whisper to Dahlia. She nods silently, a motion only just visible in the dark.

A minute passes.

Then two.

A brief noise catches my attention; it comes from Lumír, fussing in his place on King's back. Dahlia rushes over to soothe him, murmuring in hushed tones so faint I can barely hear them.

Another five minutes pass before I finally see the torches wink out, one after the other. Then another couple of minutes later Donnel reappears, sword dark with blood.

"Scouts. Two of them." Donnel says grimly, wiping his blade clean with a rag as he informs us. "I managed to get the jump on the varmints before they could raise heck, but there will be more soon. Didn't see any others, so they haven't started tightening the net just yet, but it's only a matter of time."

A part of me wants to scream at him that our time would be much longer had he not killed them. The wyvern riders will notice their missing companions immediately. But I recognize that it would hardly help matters to say so now. As Ben would say: 'We can discuss it when things are less dire.'

"Right then, let's hurry." I say instead, leading Aurora to the edge of the clearing and waiting for Donnel to take point again. We flee the grove as quietly as possible.

* * *

Contrary to Donnel's earlier opinion, the Plegians seem to be drawing their net in closer by the minute. As we run I begin to spot more and more torches in the distance, the result of a grid search the Plegians are using to scour the forest. With their wyverns still watching from above, they know I haven't left yet, and are sparing no effort to flush me out.

Another half hour and the lights are growing ever closer. What's worse, the canopy is growing thinner, a sure sign that we're nearing the edge of the forest. Donnel begins muttering to himself as he goes, trying to find a path that will bring us safely from the Plegian net.

I can tell already that such a path does not exist.

I look to the young Shepherd, diligently trying to lead me to safety, and the girl, wise beyond her years, speaking to soothe both her younger brother and herself.

The Plegians have no idea my companions even exist.

My path is obvious.

"Donnel, find a place to hide." I say, readying my spear and turning towards the nearest of my pursuers.

"What? Miss Cordelia, you aren't thinking of-"

"I am." I nod resolutely, urging Aurora in the direction of the torchlight. "Lay low and keep quiet, all of you. They're only looking for me."

"That's nonsense!" Donnel protests in shock. "I can't go letting you get yourself hurt on our account. Just you wait, I'll get us out of this, so don't go acting crazy-like, you hear me?"

"It's fine Donnel." I look back at him. "I was always going to have to reveal myself to them eventually. I certainly can't hide forever, not when I have a duty to perform."

"There's no talking you out of this?" He asks desperately. "Surely there's something else we can do."

I feel my stomach twist at his words, so similar to my frantic pleading with Veronica.

"There isn't." Dahlia says in a small voice. "We can't hide forever, and if we try to fly the wyverns will spot all of us."

"No, but…" Donnel looks between the two of us frantically. "There has to be something! What the heck's the point of all this training I've been doing if I can't save one person?"

"You're saving two people." I point out, smiling fondly at the boy. "And a griffon." King squawks indignantly at that.

"M-miss Cordelia?" I look over to Dahlia, the girl curled up on King's back. She stares timidly back at me, watery eyes seeming to gleam in what little moonlight shines through the trees. "Don't die please."

"I won't." I reassure the girl, smiling at her as broadly as I can in the hope she may see it in the darkness. "We'll see each other again soon, I know it."

I leave the four of them behind and ride towards the Plegian searchers. It costs one of my few remaining javelins to bring one down and get the attention of the others. But as they chase me into the night, away from the others, I can't help but think it's a small price to pay.

* * *

Another wyvern falls screaming to the ground. How many is that now?

I can't remember.

I can't think anymore.

Just have to keep going east. Almost there… I hope.

Aurora pants with exhaustion beneath me, mouth frothing from the exertion of flying for three days straight.

I haven't slept since the last day of our trip to the border, not properly at least. Occasionally I find myself blacking out in the saddle, moments of inexcusable weakness that only serve to drag me further into Plegia's clutches.

I can't afford it. I can't let myself slip like that. I damn Ylisse further with every such failure.

Plegia can't catch me. Just… fly east. Breakneck Pass, like Dahlia said. Find the Exalt. Wing Commander.

They won't have died for nothing.

Claws appear in the corner of my eye. I drop to one side in my saddle without thinking, letting the wyvern grab at the air where my head once was. My spear strikes it, piercing the belly and sending it flapping away. Only injured. A failure. I can't afford to keep making these mistakes!

A sound suddenly reaches my ears.

A battle, far ahead of me. Plegian foot soldiers? How could they have come this far?

But, the foes they're fighting… I see the telltale white of Pegasus overhead, raining javelins on the enemy. Wing Commander Phila is there! I've found them, thank Naga!

My pursuers grow desperate as they realize what's happening. The last of the Wyverns chasing me close in.

I'm so tired.

I just want this all to end.

Would it be so bad to die here? Surely my body would serve as warning enough for the Exalt to know what happened. Then perhaps I could finally join Captain Veronica and the others…

My training fights the exhaustion, hands seeming to snap at Aurora's reins by their own volition. We twist in the air, falling into a steep dive that carries me out of the wyvern's clutches. Another few seconds bought. But already they're closing in again.

Let it be over.

Please let it be over.

My vision is darkening again.

"Cordelia!"

A voice rouses me. I pull Aurora out of the dive. Who…?

My question is answered a moment later as Sumia flies past me. Not far behind her are Wing Commander Phila and her other Pegasus. The last Pegasus Knights of Ylisse.

I choke out a sob as the thought strikes me.

Aurora breathes heavily as we fly the last short distance. Her landing is a staggering thing, heavy enough that I'm nearly thrown from the saddle. Would be, if not for the belts holding me in. I waste no time clawing my legs free so I can get down from her back and finally let the poor thing rest.

When my feet touch the ground though I find that my legs have turned to jelly. I only manage a few staggering steps before they give out beneath me.

Somebody catches me. I look up and see long brown hair and hazel eyes staring down at me from behind glasses.

"Ben." I gasp in relief. I've made it, it's my friends, it's the shepherds, _I've made it!_ "Oh Gods, Ben!"

"I've got you Cordelia, you're going to be okay!" He replies quickly, voice sharp with barely contained panic. He shouts over his shoulder, "Lissa would you get the fuck over here already!?"

Lissa. A healer. "Aurora. Please, you have to look after Aurora, she's so tired, she carried me all this way!"

Ben looks past me. His eyes widen, and I start to crane back to look for my Pegasus. His hand presses my head to his chest. "It's okay." He murmurs soothingly, as his other hand runs circles on my back. "I promise, we'll do everything we can for her. We'll help Aurora."

His voice is tight. Something's wrong. But, but he said they'd help her. And I can feel myself slipping as exhaustion overwhelms me. I've made it. I'm safe. But… I still have to warn the Exalt.

"Ben!" I gasp out, fighting to stay awake. "Gangrel is coming, the… the border, the other knights are… The Exalt needs-"

"I'll tell her." He murmurs, rubbing slow circles on my back as Lissa appears beside us. "Rest now. We've got you."

His words finally sink in. It's over. I did it. I'm safe.

I finally fall asleep in my friend's arms.

* * *

 **Poor girl's had a rough week. And the week is only half over.**

 **Discord .gg/9XG3U7a**


	31. Chapter 29

**Sorry to say it's just a short chapter this time. As much as I'd like to reward your patience with another behemoth of text, sometimes that simply isn't a viable option. Hope you enjoy all the same.**

* * *

I storm away from The Exalt's cart, unable to look at the state Cordelia's in longer. Emmeryn has given me her assurances that Cordelia will be fine, if only medically speaking, but I don't pay it much mind.

I hate myself.

I hate myself so fucking much right now it hurts.

Why? Why the fuck did I let that happen? Why didn't I say something? The look on her face… the agony she was in. I could have fucking warned her.

What would I have said though? People are going to die? Plegia is going to attack? They knew all of that to begin with, and I don't have a fucking clue what Cordelia really went through to get here.

No! Don't fucking justify this Ben, you let her go through _hell_ without so much as a word of warning. You sent her on her way with a wave and a smile. _A fucking smile!_

Whatever the fuck she went through was enough that she damn near fell apart in my fucking arms. And holy shit did that feel wrong. Seeing such a strong woman crying like that, knowing I have blame in it. Lying to her face as she cries… God, she still doesn't know about Aurora.

As much as I know Libra would disapprove a significant part of me wants to go out there and find somebody to kill right now. All those Plegians attacking us, it'd be so convenient to just hack one to bits, to vent all the hatred I feel onto one of those bastards.

But no, Frederick and Robin still aren't sure I'm ready for the frontlines yet. Have to stay back with the healers. I'm still recovering after all, and before my fucking incident I was hardly much of a fighter either. Bloody rampages aside, that is.

They're right not to trust me out there, and I hate that too. Can't fight, can't speak, I'm too fucking useless to do anything. The most I could do was catch Cordelia before she hit the dirt…

What's that worth when I helped drag her down to begin with?

I return to my original position just ahead of the wagons to see that the others are just starting to wrap things up. Thanks to Sumia and Phila none of the wyverns are able to come close to any of our healers and back line fighters, meaning I've had a whole lot of jack shit to do besides sit back and watch. It's irritating as hell, though I'll admit it proved to be a good thing when Cordelia crashed behind us.

Thankfully my circling thoughts are interrupted by Lissa, who comes up and stands silently beside me, watching the fight just the same as I am.

"Won't be much longer now." I say.

"Mmm." Lissa replies quietly. She's upset. I think I might be at least partly responsible for that…

"Hey, Lissa." I frown, turning to face her.

"Yeah?" She replies quietly, eyes still fixed on the battle up the road.

"I want to apologize for earlier."

"Huh?" Lissa turns back to me in surprise. "What for?"

Okay, maybe I'm not responsible. Oh well, too late to back out now. "When Cordelia fell, I was yelling at you. That was… pretty unacceptable. So, you know… I'm sorry for that."

Somehow my apology only seems to upset Lissa further. She fidgets with her staff, head lowering to stare at the dirt. I hear the scuffing of her shoe against the ground, though her dress conceals it. "It's fine, Ben." She says softly. "That sort of thing is pretty common when you're a healer."

"That doesn't make it okay, though." I frown. "Are… you okay?"

"Yeah…" Lissa nods, then grimaces. "Well no, actually. But I'd rather not talk about it. It's personal."

"…Okay." I nod, turning back to the others uneasily. Usually she'd have no problem talking to me about whatever's bothering her… Well. No good looking too deeply into it. If it does involve me I'll probably hear about it sooner or later.

"Hey." I note, watching as weapons start waving in the air. "Looks like your brother's wrapping things up. Let's go see him, yeah?"

A smile finally graces her face at that. "Okay!"

* * *

Apparently I spoke too soon. Chrom has indeed finished off the Plegian soldiers, but the fight doesn't quite seem to be over. As the two of us approach I hear the sound of panicked yelling and frightened shrieks.

"What do you think's going on?" Lissa asks nervously.

"No clue, but it can't be good." I frown. "Let's find your brother."

Unfortunately when we find Chrom it becomes quickly apparent that he's right in the middle of this mess. Not sure what I expected, really. It certainly wasn't to see my intrepid leader facing down three injured, frightened, and aggressive wyverns, though. The three of them are all huddled together and snapping at anyone who comes near, which mostly just means the Shepherds.

I can't help but wince as I look at the creatures, they're clearly in a bad way. The first, a deep green colored wyvern, has a wing trailing uselessly to the side, thankfully opposite to where its companions are stomping around. The next is a metallic looking shade of navy blue, and is favoring a leg. It hops around in agitation, but can't seem to find the strength to lift off the ground. The last is the worst though, a rusty red creature with a spear stuck halfway into its chest. It seems to have little strength to move, but when Chrom tries to draw closer to the group it acts the most aggressive, breathing a jet of flame that sends the prince diving for cover.

"Damn!" Chrom growls in frustration, ducking behind a rock and using it as cover. "Everyone, get back! Keep your distance!"

"Chrom!" I call out, getting the prince's attention as Lissa rushes over with her staff.

"Ben? Lissa!" He blinks in surprise as Lissa starts healing the minor burns and cuts he's been gathering. "What are you two doing here?"

"Saw you guys cheering, thought the fight was over." I say, bowing my head. "Sorry about that. Should have checked before bringing Lissa here."

"Not entirely your fault." Chrom shakes his head. "I thought the fight was over, too. Those three were hiding behind that outcrop over there." He gestures up the road. "We didn't realize they were there until we were right on top of them, and by then… Well, we're lucky nobody died."

"They chased you?" I frown as I regard them. "In that state?"

"For a little ways, at least. They don't seem to want to move anymore, but we can't get through the pass with them there!" Chrom sighs, wiping the sweat from his brow.

"Damn." I regard them all curiously. "So what's the plan?"

"At this point, I think I'll have to call Miriel. There's no getting close to them, not with all three heads on lookout."

"Wait, you're just going to kill them?" I blink at that. "Chrom, they're just animals."

"Dangerous animals, yes." Chrom shakes his head. "I don't like it any more than you, but they're too aggressive for us to risk leaving them alone."

"We can't… heal them or something?"

"Not without getting close." Lissa shakes her head. "I can't use a physic spell on them, I just… don't know enough about wyvern biology. And I know Maribelle's studied that stuff even less than me! If I could examine them then maybe, but… they're a bit too angry for that right now. Sorry."

"It's not your fault." I sigh. "That's it then? Just… zap them with lightning and call it a day?"

"I don't see what other option we have." Chrom says with a sorrowful expression. "We can't waste any more time here. More Plegians could come from behind at any time. And if I'm being honest, these creatures aren't going to last long in their condition anyways." He looks back at them with a grimace. "This may be the most we can do for them."

I've already heard those words one time too many today. "God dammit, not again." I slam my fist into my leg in frustration.

"Again?" Chrom looks back at us, confused.

"Did you hear about Cordelia arriving?" Lissa asks, sparing me from recounting this disaster.

"Yes, I was about to check on her when the wyverns attacked…" Chrom looks between the two of us, trying to figure out what has us so upset.

"Her Pegasus didn't make it." Lissa says sadly, "Her heart gave out. I couldn't heal her in time."

"Oh no… she must be crushed." Chrom sighs.

"She doesn't know." I shake my head. "I didn't tell her. Didn't know if she could handle it." I snort. "Didn't know if I could handle it. I'm a fucking coward."

Chrom claps a hand to my shoulder, getting my attention again. "Ben, I have the utmost confidence that you did what you thought was best for her. You're a good man. Don't doubt that." I'm well past doubt and hovering within the realm of certainty, but I don't tell him that. I just listen quietly as he continues. "I'm sorry that you have to see this so soon after what happened. If there was a way to settle this peacefully without risking the lives of The Shepherds, you know I'd take it."

"I don't blame you for this, Chrom." I shake my head. I blame myself. "I get why you're doing what you're doing."

Chrom hesitates, clearly wanting to say more, but another shriek from the wyvern catches his attention. We turn and look just in time to see Kellam hauling Sully away from the creatures, the woman yelling blue murder. A slightly singed Vaike follows shortly behind them.

"Ah, Gods. I SAID GET BACK, DAMMIT!" Chrom waves his arms in exasperation, then turns back to me. "I'm going to go fetch Miriel. Try to keep everyone else from doing anything stupid while I'm gone."

"Isn't that supposed to be Frederick's job?" I ask as Chrom runs off.

"Maribelle's looking after him right now, actually." Lissa says. "A wyvern dragged him out of his saddle and he hit his head."

"Oh geez I totally missed that. Is he okay?"

"Nothing too serious." Lissa shakes her head. "But you know we like to play it safe with head injuries."

"Definitely a good policy." I nod, trying to do a head count on all the Shepherds we have scattered about as I talk. I notice Vaike edging closer to the wyverns again and frown, calling to the nearest person I can find. "Stahl, if Vaike tries to get himself fried again you have my permission to sit on him!"

"You got it!" Stahl waves with a grin, then gives Vaike a look. The fighter scowls at me and backs away reluctantly from the half feral flying lizards.

"It's sad, huh?" Lissa notes, still watching the wyverns. "I don't think they're bad wyverns. Their riders were jerks, but that doesn't mean they should die. They look so scared."

"That's exactly why they're so dangerous." I say, despite mentally agreeing with her. It doesn't sit particularly well with me either. I watch as the red one's head dips ever lower with each breath it takes, blood dripping from its mouth. Looks like the spear punctured a lung. The others seem to realize the dire straits of their companion and huddle even more protectively around it.

"I guess." Lissa sighs. "Still, I wish we could do something."

"Yeah."

Helplessness seems to be the theme of the day.

* * *

 _Emmeryn rushes away, the soldiers bearing Cordelia to safety trailing closely behind her. A significant part of me wants to be there with her, helping in any way I can._

 _But I already promised to help with something else, and that promise has me remain._

 _Aurora lies on her belly, legs and wings folded around her. Her head is laying almost flat on the ground, and her body heaves with tremendous breaths. Lissa is stroking her mane with one hand as she runs her staff across her wings._

" _Lissa?" I ask as I walk up._

" _I don't know how she was able to fly at all." Lissa says softly. "The muscle damage in her wings is so extreme… and… and her heart and lungs…"_

" _What can we do?"_

" _I'm doing it." Her shoulders shake as she gently strokes Aurora's mane. "I just… it's too much. It's a miracle that she's lived this long. If I had someone specialized in Pegasus care with me, and… and a surgeon, th-then maybe, but…" She breaks down and tosses her staff aside, holding the animal's neck gently. "She's dying, Ben. And… and I can't do anything to stop it!"_

" _Fuck!" I hiss, pulling at my hair in frustration. "That'll fucking teach me to make promises I can't keep!"_

 _Lissa whimpers, but I don't really register it. All I can hear is the desperation in Cordelia's voice as she pleads with me to save her beloved Pegasus. The lie I told her, even as the creature fell to the ground gasping for air behind her. All I can see is the creature I promised to help dying in front of me._

 _I knew this would happen! Why did I open my big mouth?_

 _Because Cordelia was hurt and I wanted to help her. Any way I could. And delaying her this extra bit of grief was the only way I could think of to do that._

 _Aurora's gasps for air are growing weaker. I stare blankly at the Pegasus, feeling helpless. The creature's eyes meet mine. Something in the gaze seems to pull at me._

 _I turn to look at Lissa, still stroking the creature's mane. Providing some small comfort in its final moments. "We'll do everything we can to help her." I murmur, repeating the words I said to Cordelia only minutes ago._

 _My head comes to rest against Aurora's. My hands gently encircle her head. I cradle the Pegasus' head as best as I can in my arms. "It'll be okay." I murmur in soothing tones. "She'll be alright. She's safe now. You did so well. You're amazing."_

 _I doubt the creature can understand a word I'm saying. But either way, its eyes close as I whisper. The breaths stop._

 _Aurora dies._

 _I get up and walk away._

 _I wash my face before my allergies can kick in._

 _I check on Cordelia and Emmeryn._

 _I go back to my post._

 _I ponder my uselessness._

* * *

"I'm tired of this."

Lissa looks up at me, surprised. "What?"

"I'm fed up. I'm so fucking sick of feeling useless." I reply, walking past her. "I'm saving these fucking wyverns."

"You're what!?" Lissa gapes at me, then runs to catch up. "Ben, you can't! Chrom said-"

"Chrom said to keep everyone else from doing something stupid." I find myself grinning. "He didn't say a damn thing about me."

"He shouldn't have to!"

I blink, then turn back to Lissa. "Lissa, maybe you haven't noticed, but for all my general level-headedness, I'm kinda great at doing stupid reckless shit when things get crazy. I'm honestly not sure why Chrom thinks I'm so reliable."

Lissa pauses at that. "Oh my gosh, you're right. Why do we keep falling for that? You're awful!"

"Yup." I smirk, waving a hand dismissively in her direction. "Now stand back, this could get dangerous."

Lissa leans forward like she's about to follow me anyway, but after a second or two seems to think better of it, stamping a foot and wringing her staff in her hands. "Ugh! Why do you have to be so… so… argh!"

"Just one of my many charms." I nod, drawing my sword. "Wish me luck!"

"I hope they light you on fire, just so you finally learn your lesson!"

When I emerge from behind the rocks with a sword the wyverns turn their eyes on me immediately. Their lips curl back in snarls, well, the green and blue ones at least. The red one eyes me warily, but barely musters more than a quick flash of teeth before it resumes panting for air. Despite my sudden sense of resolve I don't think there's anything I can do for that animal either.

That said, the wyverns are acting much like a single entity at the moment. Their fear and aggression are feeding into each other. So however I address this I have to make sure I'm addressing all of them.

Yeah, so I might not have a plan. Well, I have something, but it's from a fucking cartoon, so I'm probably about to get myself killed. Logic feels sound though, as cartoons go.

I hold my sword up, making sure all three wyverns can see it, and then toss it behind me. The wyverns falter, if only for a moment, then resume their rumbling growls as I pull my hand axe from my belt. That gets tossed behind me as well. Taking no chances, I even make a show of tugging my spellbook from my bag and throwing that aside. Another moment's thought has me tossing my whole bag aside, which renders the previous action kinda pointless, but whatever.

By this point the wyverns have stopped snarling at me and are instead watching warily. They still don't seem to trust me, which is obvious, that would be too easy. But they don't look like they're about to maul me anymore. A step in the right direction.

I shuffle forward inch by inch, lowering my head in submission. I almost raise my hands in a sign of surrender, before years of watching nature documentaries reminds me that animals tend to find that sort of pose intimidating. So I spread them out in front of me, holding them low to the ground, so that my hands are still clearly visible. I keep my eyes on them as I inch forward, but do everything in my power to avoid eye contact as I do so.

I really fucking hope I'm doing this right. My experience with frightened animals is limited to documentaries, a few online articles I barely remember, and my mom's coward of a lapdog that tried to bite me a few times years ago. The rest of this is shit I'm pulling from fucking How to Train Your Dragon. I have no idea how much of the logic carries over to wyverns, but I figure it should translate well enough. From what little I know of them wyverns are supposed to be very intelligent as animals go, so hopefully they're smart enough to understand that I am doing everything in my power not to be threatening.

A few of the Shepherds are yelling after me, but I ignore them. Can't afford to give attention to anything else right now.

After almost a minute of slow shuffling, the wyverns start growling again. I think I'm getting too close for them. I take a slow step back to show that I understand, then wait. It takes another minute for them to stop growling. I slide my foot forward. The growling resumes. Okay, this is as close as I'm allowed to get right now. My foot slides back again.

If I'm being honest it's closer than I expected. I'm easily within their striking distance, should they make full use of their long necks. They're practically looming over me, though they still look absolutely fucking terrified. Kinda ridiculous since I'm in far more danger in this situation than they are. A good shot of fire and I'd be done for.

Alright so now… I guess I should talk to them? Or will that upset them? Where do I go from here? "The fuck am I even doing?" I grumble to myself- wait no! Higher pitch! If I speak in a low voice they could interpret it as aggressive! "Hey everyone." I start over in the lightest voice I can, speaking slowly. "Looks like you've had a rough day, huh? It's okay, I'm just trying to help. We're fiiiiiine."

The wyverns give me a curious look at that, and I take it as encouragement. "Yeaaaah. That's good. We're all going to be nice and calm. And not try to kill each other. I just want to be friends. Then we can patch you three up and get you back in the air. Don't worry."

From there I just babble for a while, talking slowly, but constantly. I let them get used to my voice. To looking at me. I talk a whole lot of nonsense, and hope that maybe they're warming up to me.

More voices start coming from the Shepherds as I go. This time I chance a look back and see that Chrom has arrived, along with Miriel and Virion. Chrom is watching me with visible exasperation, but Virion appears to be holding him back. I meet the archer's eyes and he gives me an encouraging nod. That has to mean something, right? He's got Cherche working for him, so he has to know a thing or two about wyverns.

Now that I feel less like I'm fucking everything up I risk taking another step forward, still talking slowly about how happy they're going to be and what good friends we are and other such nonsense. They don't start growling again, but they shift uneasily. Clearly they're still not especially interested in letting us get closer.

They're doing a good job of not freaking out anymore, but they're still clearly scared. Thing is, I'm really not sure what more I can do to convey the message "don't worry" than I already…

Huh…

No, but that would be stupid as hell.

Then again, look where I'm standing right now. Fuck it. We'll do it live.

"Oooh" I sing tentatively, then frown. Terrible pitch. God I wish I could whistle! "Okay no, that sucked, sorry. Do-over!"

It's a good thing I can't see the other Shepherds right now, because the looks the wyverns are giving me are already enough to have me feeling embarrassed. Don't care, now that I've got the idea stuck in my head I'm giving this a proper try. That top note is just a little out of my range, so I drop the whole bit an octave and try again.

 _Ooh ooh ooh ooh oo-ooh ooh oo-ooh oo-ooh oo-ooh  
ooh oo-ooh oo-ooh oo-ooh  
ooh oo-ooh oo-ooh_

I watch the wyverns closely. They've stopped looking at me like I'm some sort of lunatic, at least. Hell, they may actually be interested. An encouraging sign, enough so that I risk continuing.

 _Ooh ooh ooh ooh oo-ooh ooh oo-ooh oo-ooh oo-ooh  
ooh oo-ooh oo-ooh oo-ooh  
ooh oo-ooh oo-ooh_

The wyverns stare down at me. I stare up at the wyverns. The Green one still doesn't seem to have a clue what's going on. The Red one still just looks exhausted. And the Blue one… gives me an appraising look, and then sits on its haunches, a delicate procedure with its bad leg. Once it's situated it warbles at me, as though inviting me to continue.

There's a clatter from behind me as one of the Shepherds drops their weapon. I don't know who that was, but I can relate, buddy.

That bafflement fades quickly though, lost behind the sudden euphoria of knowing that this is actually working. Like, holy shit, I'm getting through to them!

 _Here's a little song I wrote  
You might want to sing it note for note  
Don't worry, be happy  
In every life we have some trouble  
But when you worry you make it double  
Don't worry, be happy  
Don't worry, be happy now_

 _Ooh ooh ooh ooh oo-ooh ooh oo-ooh oo-ooh oo-ooh  
ooh oo-ooh oo-ooh oo-ooh  
ooh oo-ooh oo-ooh_

I start snapping my fingers as I get into the performance, swaying and tapping my feet to the tune. Haven't sung this song since I was a kid; it was a staple on road trips growing up. When it comes to music this may be the most comforting song I know.

... Probably singing it for myself as much as the wyverns, honestly. Watching them finally start to settle down as I continue, it seems to be working for the both of us.

* * *

When it comes to bedside manner Lissa is second to none. It takes no more than a moment's hesitation for her to get in the good books of the wyverns. She strolls up behind me, hums a few bars of Bobby McFerrin's masterpiece, and practically has them eating out of her hands. It takes us the better part of an hour to fix them up to the best of our knowledge. By Chrom's earlier logic I've wasted a good bit of time we don't really have.

When Lissa and Maribelle inform me that all three of the wyverns, even the red one, will make a full recovery though… I can't say I feel too upset about it. Chrom seems to agree, though he makes it clear that I'm still a fucking idiot for doing that. A fair assessment.

I can't say I care though. Seeing the three of them fly off, free from the looming threat of death that seemed so inevitable, makes it all worth the risk.

It might also be inspiring me to do something else I'm not feeling particularly hopeful about. Which leads me to my current situation.

"I gotta say, this is a pretty fucking excessive setup for a tent." I frown, shifting in my armchair and eyeing a very elaborate tea set in front of me. To say that the royal tent is extravagant would be an understatement; this place is big enough to fit the one Virion and I share several times over, and is more than tall enough to stand up in and walk around.

"I can't deny that." Emmeryn smiles sheepishly as she pours me a cup. "As much as I hate to admit it though, I have grown used to a certain degree of luxury, as one might expect from my station. I know it's impractical, but I can't help but find it comforting. Here, this is that brew with the orange that you liked so much last time."

"Oh, thank you." I smile gratefully and take the offered teacup. "I hope you don't think I'm judging you. It's just not something I've seen before. A novelty, you know. For the leader of a country I can't say this feels too unusual."

"You're far too kind." Emmeryn chuckles. "I know you're not one to mince words, Ben. You can tell me how ridiculous it all is. I won't hold it against you."

"Nah." I shrug. "I'm not in much of a teasing mood at the moment."

"No, from what I've heard your mood is more of a singing one."

"Feel free to spread that story around." I nod. "Compared to some of the other tales circulating about me that is a pretty fun one, all things considered. I'd much rather be known as Ben the Wyvern Minstrel than Ben the Butcher."

"I can think of few titles more dignified." Emmeryn giggles. "I'd go so far as to say my own pales in comparison."

"What can I say, I guess I was just born for greatness." I nod solemnly. The façade slips quickly and the two of us share a hearty laugh over our tea.

Emmeryn falls into a thoughtful silence once we've had our fun. "…Thank you for this, Ben." She says after a while spent in thought. "I needed a good laugh. Especially when I think of what tomorrow will bring."

"Your mind's made up then." I say quietly. "You're heading back to the capital."

"I should never have left it."

"…Probably not." I admit. "But now that you have, returning could very well do more harm than good. Chances are high that Plegia will beat you there. If you return now your death or capture would be almost certain, especially with only a handful of knights to counter Plegia's wyvern riders."

"I appreciate that you're speaking in my best interest," Emmeryn says softly, "But I should remind you that my advisers have spent several hours giving me such speeches. I won't change my viewpoint. I need to be there for my people."

I sigh, running a hand through my hair, then take a long sip of tea. "You're wasted as the Exalt. Don't know what the fuck people were thinking pushing you into politics, you're a born humanitarian."

"I believe I shall take that as a compliment." Emmeryn replies, looking somewhat annoyed at the statement.

"It was intended as a compliment." I reply… before feeling almost compelled to clarify "Though admittedly, somewhat of a backhanded one."

"Mm." Emmeryn regards me coolly.

"I'm sorry, I just… have to wonder what your plan is, here." I put my cup down and watch her carefully. "Like, I appreciate that you want to be there for your citizens, but what does that accomplish in the long run? Gangrel will still invade, and you are in no position to stop it. And really, what do you think will put the people more at ease? Learning that the Exalt has been safely evacuated from Ylisstol, or learning that she's been captured or worse?"

"I think that the best thing I can do for my people is to be there for them in our darkest hour." Emmeryn sighs, shaking her head. "Believe it or not, I do hear your protests and understand the logic in them. As I have heard and understood the viewpoints of everyone else who has spoken to me on this matter. Perhaps continuing to protect my own welfare for the time being would be the correct move to make. But that is not who I am."

I nod my head sadly. "And that's why I say you're no politician. You're way too nice, and way too unwilling to compromise." I wish I could say I expected something else. Fact is my attempt to talk reason with her was doomed from the start. If Chrom, Lissa, Frederick, Phila, and Robin all failed to convince her I stood no chance. In Emmeryn's mind compassion will always triumph over logic.

"I've never given the idea that politicians cannot be kind much thought." Emmeryn shakes her head. "I can't help but think of it as a defeatist attitude. If kindness is not at the forefront of your actions, then what does that say of you as a person?"

"I don't know that I'm qualified to be the judge of that." I frown pensively. "I am guilty of a great many unkind acts, many of which are very well known. What do my own actions say of me as a person?"

"An unkind person would not have risked his life in a half-baked scheme to save three injured wyverns." Emmeryn chides. "You don't give yourself enough credit."

"A kind person wouldn't…" I trail off uselessly, then growl. My teacup is swiftly emptied, and I begin pouring myself the most aggressive refill of my life. Which basically amounts to careful mixing while trying to set the table on fire with my eyes. "Yeah, fuck that. I'm too tired to start getting into that tonight."

"I'm sorry Ben." Emmeryn says with a sad sigh. "It wasn't my intention to cause distress."

"I'm the human equivalent of a minefield right now, I won't hold it against you." I roll my eyes and take another sip of my cup.

"A minefield?" Emmeryn blinks curiously.

"Oh right, shit. Phrase from back home, sorry." I frown. "It's… let's just say it's dangerous terrain, and that a single misstep can often lead to violent and deadly explosions."

She hums in understanding, though the mental image causes an unpleasant expression to flit across her face for a moment. "I'm sorry to hear that you feel this way, Ben. But I have faith that you'll find happiness again."

"Bold claim." I shake my head. "I think I'm one of the only people in the world whose situation rivals yours in how fucked up it is. And… I don't think there's a happy ending to your story."

Emmeryn gives me a small smile as I look up from my teacup to meet her eyes. "I think that may be a matter of perspective. I have faith that my pleas will reach Plegia. And even if I should never see my siblings again, if my words and actions can help bring about a world where Chrom and Lissa can live a long, full, peaceful life…" Her smile broadens a little. "I think that's as happy an ending as I could ask for."

The declaration stuns me. Not because it strikes me as out of character for her, that obviously couldn't be further from the truth. But because… she means it. She truly means with every fiber of her being that her own death is irrelevant to her. That she'd be happy even if she never sees her family again…

I don't know what it is about this that moves me, not specifically at least. Maybe it's the sincerity in her statement. Maybe it's something in the wording that gets my brain going in a new direction. Maybe I'm still just feeling stubborn about the whole fatalism thing I've been suffering under lately.

Doesn't matter. Point is: I suddenly have an idea. The old hint my future self left me finally seems to make sense; as if what I needed to do was obvious from the start. I can't begin to imagine how I'll make things work, but that's not important right this minute.

The important thing is I may have just come up with a way to save Emmeryn's life without fucking things up for the rest of humanity.

"That's an interesting expression." Emmeryn muses as she watches me have my silent epiphany. "Did I say something odd?"

"Emmeryn, in many ways you may be the most odd person I know, and that is no small feat." I grin, then drain my teacup. "And I hope to see you hold that title for a great many years to come!"

"Oh my!" Emmeryn blinks in surprise. "That was a rather rapid turnabout, not that I'm complaining! Was it something I said?"

"No. Yes. Maybe." I shake my head. "I don't know. Don't care either." A chuckle bursts from my lips unbidden, and I hastily tamp down my newfound excitement before I make the Exalt too nervous. "Emmeryn, I'm sorry to say that I must call our conversation to a close early."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that?" Emmeryn continues to blink at me in bewilderment. "Are you alright Ben? I must confess I'm not sure what's come over you."

"Schemes!" I declare with a smirk, rising to my feet. "Brilliant, twisted schemes! I wish you the best of luck in Ylisstol, Lady Exalt. And I want you to know, if your decision falls apart the way I think it will, there will still be hope. I will make sure of it!"

* * *

 **Wild crazy schemes are actually something of a passion of mine, though I regrettably find precious few opportunities to enact them in my day to day life. Anybody who's played Dnd with me can attest: it's something I'm quite good at.**

 **As to how Ben's scheme will play out... well you'll see in due time.**

 **Join the discord! It's a good group for smart people! Many of my good friends and fellow writers are there!  
discord .gg/9XG3U7a**


	32. Chapter 30

**Buckle your seatbelts folks, we're going for a ride. Thanks to the power of quarantine induced boredom I have now broken my record for longest chapter.**

* * *

By the time The Shepherds reach Gelida Dominus Ylisstol has already fallen. Chrom and Lissa are horrified, along with most of the Shepherds. More than a few of us are unsurprised though. As soon as we have the freedom to do so Robin and I make for the library, studying as much as we can on Plegia. Climate, terrain, politics, economy, whatever information on military installations we can find, and in my case, a few extra details that I keep to myself.

On the surface, I'm plotting alongside Robin, but I have my own agenda. One which I'm keeping entirely to myself. Until I have to I will tell nobody the truth of my goals, since revealing them would fuck things up.

I'm not talking about the usual difficulties I'd consider were the truth of my knowledge to reveal itself, either. No, the very success of this plan hinges on as few people knowing about it as possible. Even Severa can't be told, at least for now. I'll need others to know about it eventually, since getting the results I want on my own will be all but impossible, but the people I hire for this task will be selected sparsely, and carefully.

Before I even think about that though I need to figure out details, which means a lot of the same research that Robin's focusing on. Thankfully the library of Gelida Dominus has far more material on Plegia than the one in Ylisstol. As a general rule Regna Ferox has seen far more trade with Plegia than Ylisstol has. Not surprising considering Ylisse and Plegia have a history of war and state religions that are as diametrically opposed as they can be. If I was trying to figure out the logistics of this half-baked scheme back in Ylisstol I wouldn't stand a chance.

Not sure how much of a chance I stand as is... There's only so many people I can go to that I could trust to be discrete about this. And most of them don't have a skill-set that matches what I'm looking for. No fliers, no mages… I could try asking Gaius to help maybe, he knows enough not to ask questions, but some aspects of my plan may be a bit too amoral even for him…

Unless I were to explain everything, that is… but that's a dangerous line to cross. Problem is, I'm having trouble finding a way to make this plan work without explaining it to _somebody_. And if I do that, chances are I'll be on my knees begging the Anna family to get me the fuck out of this dimension in a serious hurry before I'm executed for treason. Or whatever charges apply to this fucked up situation I'm in.

Morality is such a twisted fucking thing and I hate it. It pushes me into a situation where I'm practically obligated to interfere with fate and then stands in my way as soon as I try to do so. Well fuck the black and white moral dichotomy. My chances are slim enough when it comes to making this shit work out without having to be _nice_ about it.

…Damn. Productivity has reached zero. I can't focus on what I need to do because my brain is too preoccupied with complaining. Times like this there is only one thing to do, and it's unfortunately the exact opposite of productive…

"I need a fucking break." I groan, slamming my book shut and getting up from my chair in frustration.

"Do we really have time for that?" Robin mutters, flipping through pages further down the table as he marks details down onto a map.

"Don't care, I'm stepping away from the books before I kill somebody." I shrug, grabbing my bag. "You want me to pass you anything before I leave?"

"That book about Garam Prison." Robin's head stays fixated on the pages in front of him even as his hand beckons to me. "I'm sure at least half of the security measures the book mentions are out of date, but I still think it'll be useful."

I hold the book out until his blindly grasping fingers finally take hold of it. He brings it in front of him and smoothly flips to a page he no doubt had memorized in advance, and starts scribbling more notes down. Not once does he as much as glance in my direction.

It's a little off-putting, to be honest. I've seen him get lost in strategizing plenty of times, but he's never lost himself in it to this extent before. Even when planning our last campaign in Ferox he didn't get this wrapped up in things. Not that I can blame him. The cost of failure is somehow even direr now than last time, and he has a meeting with Chrom and the Khans tomorrow.

I wish I could help him. Even knowing his planning will in all likelihood amount to nothing I'd like to at least make his life a little bit easier. But frankly speaking I'm trying to solve an even trickier problem with even fewer resources, so the resident strategist is just going to have to figure things out on his own. The prison book is a good sign though; it means he's likely planning to free the Pegasus Knights Gangrel captured, much as he did in the game.

He'll be fine. He's going to come up with the best strategy he can. And when it fails, I'll pick up the pieces and salvage a happy fucking ending from all of this. Even if it takes a while to work out, I'll make it work out.

First I need to get my brain working in order. Which means taking some much needed time away from all these damn books and- I sense danger.

A head of red hair appears from around a nearby bookshelf. Glasses gleam in the dark like the eyes of a hungry beast. "Ah Ben, did I hear you say you were taking a break from your studies? That is fortuitous timing. I had something I wished to discuss with you."

Shiiiiiit. Miriel is in testing mode. I'm about to be a guinea pig for something, I can tell from the look in her eyes. No getting away from her when she's like this either. I tried once in the early stages of my apprenticeship to her, and she brought me back immediately. With a rescue spell. Never has the name been less fitting.

"Miriel!" I look over at Robin, hoping for some kind of assistance, but he obviously has better things to be doing. "What's on your mind? Nothing too crazy I hope, I was planning on getting something to eat."

"Rest assured, you shall retain all ability to eat when this is finished. Indeed, you should find your appetite even greater than before!"

I… think she meant that to be reassuring. I worry about Miriel sometimes, I really do. It's hard to believe somebody only a year younger than me could still have so much difficulty with communicating. It took me a long ass time to pick up social skills, but I don't think I was ever as bad as Miriel can be.

Well, whatever. "Alright, lead away. What do you have in store for me?"

"I have decided that now is the perfect time to resume practical training in the art of spellcasting. Tell me, have you been making use of your new spellbook?"

"Haven't cast any spells yet, but I have got this…" I fish the book out of my bag and show her the spell circles I've inscribed.

Miriel takes the book and leads me out of the library as she checks them all. "Your inscriptions show marked improvement."

"Yeah, well it's all I've really been able to do as far as magic training goes. Didn't want to try any casting without your go-ahead, so I've just been working on the basics."

"Admirable." Miriel nods, passing the spellbook back to me. "We shall be taking a significant leap from that point today. A possibility has come to my mind which merits investigation."

"Alright, just don't get too excited, okay?" I reply hesitantly. "I'm months out of practice, and my casting is kinda shit, remember?"

"We shall see." Miriel hums, pace quickening as she leads on. After a moment or two she starts muttering to herself, as sure a sign as any that I won't be getting any more answers from her for the time being.

After five minutes or so we emerge into a large training yard, where several of the other Shepherds are already training. Sully and Frederick are pushing themselves as hard as ever, Vaike and Chrom are blowing off steam in one of the rings, and Stahl and Virion are practising archery. Miriel leads me towards the latter.

"Now then, we'll start with the basic wind spell. Try to hit the target." Miriel instructs, shooing Virion to one side and directing me into place.

"Wait, really?" I blink in confusion. "Just like that, we're… well okay." I shrug, flipping to the page in question. "Just remember now, I'm shit at this."

"I have reason enough to believe that the results may be surprising." Miriel says eagerly, waiting with bated breath.

"All right… here goes." I raise my hand and start going through the necessary motions…

Something's wrong. Or… not. It's more like… well I'm not sure how to describe it. Every time I've tried to cast magic in the past, it felt like trying to hold water. I would pour the magic into my hand, but as soon as I motioned to release it the spell would slip through my fingers. This time… it's just there. I call upon the wind, and it answers, energy tingling at my fingertips, air pulling around me.

When I release the spell at the archery target I hit it hard enough to send straw flying through the air. The post fixing the target to the ground is torn partway up, churning the dirt and sending it flying.

"Holy crap!" I exclaim in surprise, staring at the damage I just did in shock. "Did I do that?"

"That was great Ben!" Stahl claps enthusiastically from the sidelines. "Have you been practising?"

"No…" I look at my hand in confusion. "Not at all? Miriel, what- oh cripes."

I look up at my magic instructor to see she's scribbling at a ludicrous pace in her old journal. "Even greater results than I expected…" She murmurs. "This suggests that the method by which power is transferred is in fact completely irrelevant."

"I thought we agreed I was garbage at this?" I walk over and try to peer at what she's writing down. No good; it's all chicken scratch. "Because of the whole, 'incompatible with magic' thing? How am I achieving these 'greater results' just like that?"

"Do you remember the original treatment I proposed to cure you of your magical deficiency?" Miriel asks, eyes still fixated on her journal.

"Yeah, the temperature control spell. Lit my goddamn skin on fire, hard to forget."

"Indeed." Miriel's lip quirks a bit at that. "Well, I have come to the realization that you have been inadvertently cured of this debilitation without our knowledge."

"Okay, so that's why I can cast normally, but how did it happen?"

"We have Khan Flavia's medical staff to thank for that." She looks up at me. "I was discussing with them the new healing method they've recently published a journal on. The treatment they've invented for safely treating those suffering from coma. And they saw fit to inform me that they learned of this method while treating you."

"The healing spell they were casting on my internal organs to keep them from wasting away while I couldn't eat…" I nod along, then blink as the implications occur to me. "Oh shit, you don't mean-"

"The constant healing you were under infused your body with magic in much the same way as the heating spell was intended." Miriel nods, a pleased smile on her face. "Not only did the treatment keep your body from degrading, it also appears to have infused it with magic, curing you of the lack of compatibility which hampered your spellcasting!"

I stare blankly at my spellbook. "Wow. That's…" I don't know what that is. I guess it's about time something good came of that fiasco of a night? Or rather, the shit choices I made on the tail end of said night. Sure it may have traumatized both myself and my daughter, but at least I can blow shit up now!

…Yeah, I'm not sure it's the best payoff, really. Far from equal. But the magic is pretty cool, and I'm glad to have it. Glad to finally have something constructive come of that murder rampage. Does it balance out? Shit no. But it shouldn't balance out anyways. Last thing I want is to feel like the world's rewarding me for what I did back then. This feels more like… a consolation prize. Or something. I don't know, I'm not experienced enough in what to call it when karma throws me a fucking bone.

Doesn't matter either way. I let Miriel scribble away, marking notes and going along with whatever requests she has in regards to my spellcasting. For her it's a learning experience, but for me it's a chance to practice with a new tool. And if all goes well this could very well turn the tide in my favor down the road.

* * *

I continue casting long after Miriel has left. Partly because I want to make sure I've got the trick to hurling magic now that I have the capacity for it. Partly because wielding that kind of power at my fingertips is insanely fun. Virion offers the odd tip, having some experience with spells himself, but he lacks the degree of mastery that Miriel has, so his advice is rather simplistic in comparison.

Still, after a couple of hours of practise I feel like I get a good grasp of the basics. I'm nowhere near Miriel's level, or even Ricken's, but I can toss a ball of lightning with pretty good accuracy, if I do say so myself.

"A marked improvement in such a short span of time!" Virion exclaims as my thunder spell explodes against the target, little more than a blackened wreck at this point. "I find it difficult to believe you have only been casting spells for a few hours."

"It's surprisingly similar to throwing axes." I shrug. "Actually if anything it's easier. I don't need to worry much about wind or arcing my shots when casting. And Miriel had me practising the fundamentals for ages before today."

"Hmm… I had never thought to compare the two." Virion frowns thoughtfully. "I suppose there are some parallels… Though neither can compare to the ease with which arrows fly from the bow!"

"Speak for yourself." I shake my head and chuckle, "If I tried using a bow it would be an absolute disaster."

"Not necessarily. I'd be more than happy to teach you!" Virion replies enthusiastically.

I only need a moment to mull the offer over. "Thanks but no thanks. I think I've got enough on my plate without trying to learn archery as well. I appreciate the offer though."

"Some other time, then. Perhaps when circumstances aren't as dire." Virion nods, completely unbothered by my refusal.

"Could be fun." I nod. "Anyways, I think I'll be going now. I was planning on grabbing lunch before I got distracted by how fun blowing stuff up can be."

"Lunch?" Virion blinks in surprise. "But it is almost dinnertime!"

I blink and look at the sky. Sure enough, the sun's getting low. "Damn. That explains where Stahl went. Well then I'll just go see what I can grab from the kitchen to tide me over. Later dude!"

Virion looks worried at my forgetting to eat, but lets me go all the same. I make my way to the kitchen and throw together a simple pork sandwich with some of the ingredients Stahl isn't using, then sit down in the small dining area Khan Flavia provided us to eat it.

And as I'm finishing my snack I find myself visited by a very unexpected guest.

Cordelia. Last time I spoke to her, she was crying into Sumia's arms. I had just informed her about Aurora. That was the same day Emmeryn and the Pegasus knights left for Ylisstol. A part of me has been terrified of speaking to her since then, but I haven't really needed to bother with worrying. She's seemed quite content to not speak to me since. I figured she blamed me for lying to her about Aurora. And I'm too much of a chicken shit to bring it up with her.

So seeing her walk towards me is something of a surprise, to say the least. Enough so that I totally forget to swallow before my mouth starts moving.

"Uhh, Cur-mm." I hold up a finger and finish with my mouthful of pork and bread. "Sorry, that was rude. Hey, uh… yeah. Hi Cordelia. Hello." I grimace at the staggering level of awkward that just erupted from my lips.

"Hello Ben." Cordelia replies, raising an eyebrow at my nonsense but otherwise not commenting on it. "I'm sorry to bother you while you're eating. I was wondering if you'd seen Severa recently?"

"Severa?" I shake off the feeling of silliness I was stewing in and straighten in my seat. "No, why? What's going on?"

"Well, I'm afraid I'm not sure." Cordelia frowns uncertainly. "But she was arguing with Noire earlier."

"Arguing, or just being loud?" I frown. "I know with Severa a lot of people get the two mixed up."

"They were crying." Cordelia says, rubbing at her arm uncomfortably. "Both of them. And Severa was screaming at Noire. I only caught the end of the conversation, right before Severa ran off. I thought she might have come to you."

It only takes me a moment's thought to realize this must be something serious. Raised voices are business as usual where Severa is involved, but actual crying? She hates letting that sort of thing show, even to me.

"Shit. No, whatever this is she probably doesn't want me knowing about it. I haven't exactly been hiding where I've been today. Give me a second."

I rush over to the kitchen and toss the rest of my sandwich in the rubbish bin, then return. "Alright, what were they fighting about?"

Cordelia frowns. "I'm not sure, honestly. Severa's so much louder than Noire that I only heard one side of things, and your daughter wasn't entirely clear… I remember Severa yelled something to the effect of: 'Why didn't you tell me?' And when Noire tried to answer, Severa called her… a rather colorful variety of words for stupid, then ran away… Oh, that's right! She said something about Donnel before she left!"

I frown in confusion. "Donnel? Right, he got back yesterday, didn't he? Forgot about that. What the hell would Severa be looking for Donnel for, though?"

Cordelia hums thoughtfully. "…Could this be a love triangle?"

"I… What?" I stare at Cordelia, mouth agape.

Cordelia goes very pink. "Well I just thought it might be possible. Why else would your daughter bring him up?"

I stare for a moment longer, then shake my head and walk away. "Tell you what, let's find Donnel and ask him."

"Yes, I suppose that would be for the best." Cordelia replies. She follows half a step behind me, muttering to herself. "It was hardly that crazy a suggestion, was it?"

"Crazy… no. Terrifying, yes. I've barely had time to adjust to the thought of having a daughter. It's way too soon for me to think about letting her date." I grimace at the mental image.

"I guess I can see how that might be upsetting." Cordelia nods thoughtfully. "Though I feel I should point out that you'll have to get used to the idea rather quickly."

"Yeah, I know." I sigh. "She's definitely not the sort to let me stop her from doing anything. Honestly if it wasn't for how she grew up she'd probably already have more experience dating than I do."

"Yes, I suppose living with mercenaries would prove problematic in that regard…" Cordelia muses. "Do you… not have much dating experience, then?"

"Basically none." I reply dully. "Believe it or not, I've never been particularly popular with women."

"I'm honestly surprised." Cordelia replies, sounding genuine enough that I actually pause to regard her.

"Huh. You're not joking." I say, blinking.

"I would never!" Cordelia replies, looking surprised and perhaps a bit insulted.

"No, I suppose you wouldn't. I appreciate the compliment, then." I nod in thanks, resuming my walking. "I suppose I'm doing a lot better for myself here than I was back home. I'm in far better physical shape, even with the scarring, and I'm miles ahead of where I used to be when it comes to social status."

"Social status isn't everything." Cordelia replies, distaste evident in her voice. "I've had no small number of well-to-do men come to court me. I can't say I found so much as a single one of them even remotely interesting."

"I'm sure." I smirk. "Though to be fair, your standards are rather high."

This time it's Cordelia's turn to pause. "I'm not sure what you mean by that, Ben."

Recognizing the faint note of distress in her voice, I decide to make a tactical retreat. "Oh? My mistake, then. Forget I said anything."

"No, please elaborate." She insists, giving me a stern look. "I want to know exactly what it is you've heard."

"Heard?" I stare in confusion for a moment before finally realizing what she means. "Oh! Oh, no, I haven't heard anything, this isn't some sort of gossip! It was more like… a guess. A guess which was made by me. And kept to myself."

"I see…" Cordelia replies slowly. My reassurance seems to have done little. If anything she looks even more nervous. "What exactly did you guess?"

"Uhh, well…" I frown, not wanting to call her out but recognizing she intends to give me no choice. "I thought you might have a thing for… Chrom." Feeling suddenly awkward about saying it to her out loud, I force out an awkward laugh. "Crazy, huh?"

Cordelia's face goes as red as her hair. I wait a minute to see if she responds, but she doesn't say a word, so I just sigh and continue. "Yeah, so… now that that's out of the way, let's keep moving, shall we? Still need to figure out what has my daughter freaking out, so... Yeah." I finish lamely and resume walking. I'm honestly surprised when Cordelia resumes walking, though she's following now instead of walking at my side.

This honestly couldn't be farther from how I thought my next conversation with Cordelia would go. I expected a lot of anger and bitterness from Cordelia, guilt and self-loathing from myself, probably a whole lot of crying from both of us. Instead I have a missing daughter and awkward talk about crushes.

What the fuck is even happening right now?

* * *

It takes a while for Cordelia to recover from… whatever the fuck that was, and by that point I've cleared through several training yards as well as the bedrooms with no luck. She seems to make the decision to pretend the conversation never happened, and starts focusing on helping me again. Normally I'd find this concerning, but considering the circumstances I decide to let it slide. In the end we decide to just return to the mess hall and hope one of the people involved with this mess will be there.

It turns out to be the right call. Donnel and Severa are still MIA, but we do find Noire, sniffling into a bowl of soup while Sumia frets over her.

"Oh, Ben!" Sumia cries to me in relief as I walk in, rushing over. "Thank goodness you're here. I found Noire like this half an hour ago, and she won't stop crying no matter what I say! I haven't been able to figure out what's wrong at all, do you have any idea what could have happened?"

"Apparently she had a fight with Severa." I reply glumly. "Cordelia caught the end of it, but neither of us are sure what it was about. Here Cordelia, you fill Sumia in, and I'll talk to Noire."

"Of course." Cordelia nods.

I give Sumia a reassuring pat on the arm and head over to Noire's table. It's not pretty. Whatever she did to piss Severa off so badly, she's really tearing herself apart about it. Her face is red and puffy from tears still pouring down her face, her shoulders still shaking with sobs. If she was leaning a little further forward the broth that Stahl seems to have set for her would be completely ruined.

I take a seat next to her on the bench, turning just a bit to face her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Noire shakes her head wordlessly.

"Okay then." I say softly, pulling a silk handkerchief from my pocket, courtesy of Virion. "Here, let's get you cleaned up a little. Sound good?"

She takes it from me and starts rubbing furiously at her eyes, and I quickly intervene. "Hey now, you're going to hurt yourself doing that. Here, look this way." She lowers the handkerchief, but stares resolutely at the table. "Come on now, Noire. Eyes up. It'll be alright."

It takes her a minute, but she eventually looks up from the floor and turns to face me. I give her a grin, "Hey, there you are kiddo." I gently pry the handkerchief from her hands and start dabbing at her cheeks with more care. "See, better this way, yeah? I think your poor eyes have been through quite enough for one day."

Noire sniffles a little, but seems to be calming down somewhat. My smile broadens at the sight, "Atta girl. Feeling any better?"

"A-a little." She mutters around my ministrations.

"That's good." I nod. "That's really good. It's going to be alright."

"Y-you don't know that. I, I messed up so badly! Severa hates me so much now."

"Of course she doesn't!" I protest, "You two are best friends. I know for a fact she loves you to death. I don't know what you were fighting about, but this will pass. Just give her some time to blow off steam and she'll be back to normal."

"You w-wouldn't say that if you knew." Noire protests, turning away from me. "You'd probably h-hate me too."

"Never." I frown. "I'd never hate you. I'm your Uncle Ben, remember? We're family."

She starts shaking again at that, more violently than before. "Noire?" I stare at her in worry. "You okay?" It's only once she starts rocking in her seat that I recognize this for what it is: a panic attack. Unfortunately while I'm not a stranger to having panic attacks, I have zero experience in helping somebody through them. "Crap. Sumia!"

She's at my side immediately. "What happened, I thought it was going well!"

"So did I." I frown, getting out of my seat and giving her space. "I don't know what went wrong, I felt like I was getting through to her and then just… this." I shake my head helplessly. "I don't know what I said that upset her and I don't know how to help her."

"Here, let me look after her." Sumia slips in next to the girl with ease, running her hand in gentle circles on her back. "It's okay, it's okay." She murmurs soothingly, before turning back to me. "Cordelia said Donnel might know what's going on?"

"I did." Cordelia replies, appearing at my side. "Though we've had no luck finding him so far."

Sumia hums thoughtfully, then looks back up. "His closest friends are probably Stahl and Kellam, they might- oh, but Stahl's been working in the kitchen all this time. So I guess… you'll have to find Kellam." She frowns deeply at the prospect of looking for and finding the Shepherd's invisible man.

"Well, what do you think Kellam, you hear anything?" I ask aloud.

There's a long pause of silence. Cordelia and Sumia stare blankly at me.

"Damn it, that usually works." I sigh. "Alright, I'll try asking Sully if she's seen him. Look after her, Sumia."

"Of course." Sumia nods. "Good luck!"

Cordelia remains by my side as we leave. "Is there a particular reason you think Sully would know where to find Kellam?"

In spite of everything I can't help the smirk that creeps across my face. "You're the one with romance on the brain, I'm sure you can guess." The pleased gasp of realization a moment later lightens my mood, if only a little.

* * *

Sully does in fact know where Kellam is. With her directions I find him tending to a bilberry plant that he and Donnel were looking after. According to him, Donnel and Severa went to an inn in the market district of Gelida Dominus. The two of them were discussing something about a Griffon, so he said.

That doesn't mean much to me. But apparently it proves a rather important clue for Cordelia. She explains what happened with Dahlia and Lumír to me.

And I get a rather bad feeling about all of this. A rather familiar one at that.

"Do you suppose Severa and Dahlia know each other?" Cordelia asks as we make our way through streets frantic with the rush of a country preparing for war. Between the noise of the Feroxi and the heavy pounding of my own heartbeat I can barely hear her.

"I guess they must." I reply, mind racing. "If she's getting this worked up about going to see her."

"You're right, of course. I do hope Dahlia isn't in some sort of trouble. I left them all in such a dire situation, and I didn't find a chance to ask Donnel about it when he rejoined us yesterday."

That pulls me out of the haze, if only a little. "Donnel wouldn't leave her if she was in trouble. He's a good kid."

"You're right of course. Even putting aside his crush. Oh, but don't tell him I mentioned that!"

"None of my business, really." I reply. Then that bad feeling surfaces again and I find myself lost in my own thoughts once more.

"Are you alright Ben? You seem distracted."

"That depends." I reply tersely.

"On?"

"On what happens when I find my daughter."

Anything else Cordelia has to say to that is lost to the buzzing of my thoughts. My pace increases.

The inn proves easy to find, as it's the only one with a Griffon resting on the roof. Apparently the owner didn't have a stable in King's size. His eyes focus on me as I approach the building, but he relaxes after a moment. He recognizes me.

Donnel looks over at me from a nearby table as I enter. "Oh! Hello there Mister Benjamin!"

"Donnel." I say sharply, walking over to him. "You're not with Severa?"

"Oh, well I brought her here, sure. Just figured I should give them some privacy. They seemed to be getting awfully emotional, so-"

"What room?" I ask, thoughts roaring in my head.

"I- begging your pardon, Mister Benjamin?"

"What room?" I grab him by the shoulder. "I have to see them. Now."

"Uhh, well, they're in the fourth room on the left, straight on from the top of the stairs." Donnel replies uneasily getting to his feet as I make my way to the back. "Wait Mister Benjamin, is something wrong?" I pay him no mind.

The innkeeper notices the commotion and grabs for me as I reach the stairs, but I shrug her hand off easily. Donnel cries out in alarm behind me. And now, intermingled with his voice is Cordelia's. I must have left her behind at some point. Was I running?

I guess I have been. I still am, taking the steps two at a time. I have to see them. I have to know. If my hunch is true…

I remember how Noire shut down earlier. The way she broke. The words I said that made her panic.

We're family.

 _We're family._

Surely I'm overthinking this!

The door is locked, but it's a cheap thing, because I feel it break easily as I force the handle to twist. When I enter the room Dahlia and Severa rise from their seats, startled at my sudden entrance. Severa makes for her sword with one hand, securing Lumír with the other. He'd been sitting in her lap.

"What the hell!" Severa cries as she recognizes me. "You scared the crap out of me, dad!"

I ignore her, focusing instead on Dahlia. "You're one of the children from the future."

Dahlia meets my gaze unflinchingly. "I am."

Severa goes still. Lumír looks between the rest of us, gaze filled with silent curiosity.

"Whose?"

There's a period of silence.

Severa breaks it. "Uhh, she's-"

"And already I can tell you're lying through your teeth." I cut her off. Then turn back to Dahlia. "Whose?"

Severa protests, "Dad, you're-"

She's stopped by Dahlia, who holds a hand out in front of her. She meets my gaze once more, her eyes a mixture of resolution and resignation.

"Yours."

The word hits me like a sledgehammer. I fall to my hands and knees.

It should be a simple revelation. I have a daughter in this world already. She's here in this room, looking right at me. And yet…

"Lumír too?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"Your son, yes."

I gasp for air, arms straining against the floor as if I'm trying to push my way through it. My heartbeat is roaring in my ears. My vision darkens.

I black out.

* * *

 _His reaction might seem strange._

 _To collapse when confronted by the appearance of this child, who he did not know and did not think of until this very hour. He has met his one of his children before. Even entertained the thought of being her true father._

 _But this is more than just a child. This is himself._

 _Because the simple fact is: for all this time he has not felt a true part of this world. He has never thought himself a true part of this story. He is an outsider looking in. He has lived his life here, played the game as best as he could, and walked the only path he knew. He has inserted himself into their story; used his knowledge to find a place where he could survive._

 _But he never truly intended to remain here._

 _His goal was always to leave this place; to return to his homeland with no trace of his presence but memories. His heart and soul were bound to his old home, and he had every intention of dying there._

 _His every thought reflected this. All of his actions, all of his plans, were created with the intention of changing nothing. His original goal was to affect nothing. To leave nothing behind. To_ _ **be**_ _nothing._

 _A legacy left only in whispers and songs._

 _And now, that possibility has been torn from him. He has children. Not just adopted, not just born of him, but children that would not exist without him. They aren't like Severa. They have no place in this story. And yet they are here. Because he is here. Something that should have been impossible, made real before his eyes._

 _He has been confronted with the weight of his own existence._

 _And he doesn't know how to bear it._

* * *

I wake up propped against the bed, head still swimming, and let out a groan at the pain in my head.

"Was that him?"

"Yes, he seems to have woken up."

"About time!"

I crack my eyes open, and see that the sun has already set. The room is bathed in candlelight.

"The hell happened to me?" I grumble, sitting up straighter, looking around the room. My gaze stops as I see Dahlia.

Oh.

Right.

"You passed out." I look over to see Cordelia staring down at me. She's sitting next to me on the bed, looking somewhat dizzy herself. "We tried to let you rest in bed, but you were a bit too heavy for me to manage, and Donnel's busy downstairs."

"Well, I guess that's what I get for falling asleep in such a stupid place." I chuckle ruefully. "How long was I out for?"

"About three hours." Cordelia replies, looking uneasy still. "We've been… talking in the meantime."

I look around the room again. Dahlia and Severa are sitting at a small table. Neither will meet my eyes. "What about?" I ask uneasily, looking back towards Cordelia.

"Well…" Cordelia frowns. "I'm not sure how to put it. It hardly seems believable."

Oh man. Don't tell me…

"She knows, dad." Severa says, gaze still fixed on the floor. "We told her everything."

"Everything, huh?" I grunt, hauling myself off the floor to sit next to Cordelia on the bed. "Well shit, I don't think I even know what 'everything' means anymore."

A hand comes to rest on mine as I sit down. I look over. Lumír is staring at me, from where he's been lying on the bed. "Hey, little man." I smile despite the uneasy feeling in my gut. "So… I'm your dad, huh?"

The boy frowns thoughtfully, then gives a small nod. "Wow." I reply, not sure what else to say. "That's… amazing."

He gives me a big grin at that, then goes back to his very important business of rolling around on the bed. I leave him to his work and turn back to the others.

"Oh, did you eat dinner before we arrived?" Cordelia exclaims suddenly. "I just realized that we skipped dinner to come here."

"Ah!" Dahlia gasps in realization. "No, we completely forgot."

"Ah geez." Severa groans, getting to her feet. "Here, let me-"

"That's quite alright!" Cordelia replies. "I'll go talk to the innkeeper. You all need some time to sort things out. Would you like to get something to eat, Lumír?" She beams at the suddenly alert toddler, and holds out a hand. "Let's get you fed, then. Come along!"

As the two make their way out something occurs to me, odd enough to cut through the haze of other questions floating through my mind. "I've never heard him make a single sound…"

"Lumír can't talk." Severa explains. "He's mute."

"He wasn't always." Dahlia says softly. "He was just starting to learn his words, but…"

"…There was a Risen attack." Severa fills in when it becomes clear Dahlia can't bring herself to explain. "The Shepherds got there too late. Lumír… watched them kill his mom. He hasn't spoken since."

I mutter a curse under my breath and sit back. To be traumatized so badly at that age… He's too young to have to live through something like that.

They all are. Hell, half of the current Shepherds are barely adults. This world is cruel to its children.

And I suppose I'm no better. Fainting like that, the fuck is wrong with me? What kind of message does that send to a twelve year old girl?

It was bad enough when I came to this realization with Severa. At least in her case I had time to process it. Time spent getting to know her, learning how she saw me, putting the pieces together. Here, I have nothing. I don't know Dahlia or Lumír. I don't even know how they feel about me. Dahlia said I was her father, but I don't know if she even cares about me the way Severa does. Would my words even mean anything to her? What… I don't even know how to feel about this? Do I have to be her dad now, without even knowing who she is?

I suppose so. Somebody has to be. Surely she's been alone long enough. So I should be there for her if I can. Look after her.

Starting with an explanation for my stupidity.

"Did I ever tell you two where my future information comes from?" I ask aloud, staring up at the ceiling.

"You've asked that before." Severa says. I can tell from her tone that she's rolling her eyes at me right now. "You never said a word about it to anyone."

"I never heard much either." Dahlia confirms.

"There are… stories of this world where I come from. Stories of what's happened. Stories of what's to come. Stories of the Shepherds. Chrom, Lissa, Frederick, Robin, Lucina… even you, Severa." I look down and crack a grin at the expression of shock on her face. "Yeah, you're a big deal back home."

"But I suppose I am not." Dahlia chimes in. "That's… that's why you never recognized me, or Lumír. We weren't in your stories."

"No, you weren't." I shake my head. "And… neither was I."

They look up at me in sudden shock, but I hold up a hand to silence them before they can start asking questions. "I'm sorry I was so shocked to find out about this. And I'm sorry I didn't recognize you. Or Lumír. You deserved to be recognized. You're incredible. Both of you. If there's any reason you weren't recognized, it's… it's probably because I wasn't supposed to be in this world in the first place."

"But…" Dahlia looks to Severa, expression frustrated. "That doesn't make sense!"

"She's right." Severa replies, scowling at me. "There's no feasible reason for you to be left out of the stories. You were the leader of the Shepherds for nearly a decade! After Chrom died and the Fell Dragon woke up you were the one who led them."

"That's not what I meant!" Dahlia exclaims, expression frustrated.

"Well it's true!" Severa snaps back. "So drop it and let's move on already!"

They glare at each other for a moment before Dahlia backs down, sitting back with a disgruntled huff.

"Severa, that's not fair." I shake my head in exasperation. "What else is bothering you Dahlia, you can tell me."

Dahlia looks over at Severa, scowls, and looks back to me. She frowns in thought for a moment, then declares: "That's not my name."

I realize that she's changing the subject, but it's a confusing enough reveal that I'm thrown off completely. "Wait, what?"

"My real name isn't Dahlia. I made that name up."

"Why?" I frown in confusion. "What… isn't this all confusing enough already?"

Dahlia giggles briefly at that, before explaining. "My real name is Diana."

And that does put it quite well into perspective for me. "…You're named after my mother." Something about that hurts me. It really does. The same burning pain that I feel whenever I think too long of the home I lost. But at the same time, it feels different now. It's like, knowing that my future self cared enough about this girl to tie her to my past like that… It makes it all so much more real. And beautiful.

If I had the time to wax poetic right now I probably would. But I still have much more to talk about, and not nearly enough time for all the questions I need to ask. "So you changed your name because you knew it would mean something to me if I heard it.

Dah-Diana nods at that. "I didn't want to risk you looking closer if you recognized it."

"Lumír as well?"

"No, that's his real name." Diana replies, surprising me again. He must have been named by his mother then, whoever she was. Lumír's a fine name, but certainly not one I'd ever choose. Too French. I think. Diana continues talking as I mull this over, giving me a somewhat mischievous look. "You know, King's name was changed, too."

"From?"

"Nidoking."

I stare blankly at her. Then turn to Severa, wordlessly asking her to confirm this. She rolls her eyes and nods. "You used to make up stories about those stupid Pokémon things to tell us when we were little. They drove me crazy after a while; I still see them in my nightmares sometimes. Diana loved them though."

"Nidoking was usually the hero of the stories." Diana says, a small grin on her face. "The big strong monster who saves the day from the bad guys. So that's who I named my Griffon after."

"He was always my favorite." I say, struggling not to laugh. "Ah geez, I can't believe you named your Griffon after a Pokémon! No doubt about it, you're my daughter alright!" Unsaid is how very believable it is that I'd tell my kids Pokémon stories to begin with. I'm not at all surprised I'd still be thinking about them years from now, even in an apocalypse. That stupid series will always be near and dear to my heart.

"Of course!" Diana replies. "Though I think the name change may have to be a permanent thing. He likes King far better. He's always been quite vain."

"Well, I suppose it's only right that we respect King's wishes on that point!" I chuckle, before falling silent. "Why didn't you tell me you were my daughter? Either of you?"

Diana opens her mouth to speak, but Severa beats her to it. "Hello? Adopted, remember?"

"You know damn well what I think about that." I snap back. "Adopted or not, you're as much my daughter as she is."

Both of them look upset at this, and start giving each other heated looks. I stare at the two of them for a moment before feeling very pissed off. "So help me you two had damn well _better_ not be mad at each other for what I think you are right now!"

"We're not." Diana sniffs. "My sister's just being a stubborn idiot."

"Oh like you're one to talk!" Severa rolls her eyes.

"This is not the time for squabbling!" I growl. "What the hell's gotten into you two?"

The two glare at each other a moment longer, before turning to me as one. "Nothing!" They declare, completely in sync and still clearly upset with each other.

I glare at them for a moment longer before sighing in defeat. Whatever they're upset about they clearly have no intention of talking about it with me. "Well you're definitely siblings, no doubt about that." I groan, thinking back on the many fights I had with my sister over the years. "Fine, have it your way. Next question."

They look back to me, suddenly acting eager to please again. I roll my eyes, making it clear I don't buy the act. "Right. Then… who was- actually no, I'm better off not knowing that." I frown. I had been about to ask who the mother was, but frankly speaking I see no benefit to knowing that while still single. There's no way in hell that's conducive to a healthy relationship. "Alright then… uhh… you said you told Cordelia everything. What does that entail exactly?"

"…Probably more than you'd like." Severa admits nervously. "We told her about the future thing. …And that I was her daughter."

"You told her that?" I look at her in surprise. Last I checked she was still against telling Cordelia about much of anything.

"I told her." Diana replies proudly.

"Nosy." Severa grumbles. Diana sticks her tongue out at her. It's all very childish. Which is honestly relieving, especially in Diana's case. Last time I spoke to her she seemed to be trying far too hard to sound like an adult, to probably an unhealthy degree.

"Alright, so she knows about Lumír, about the time travel, about Severa, about how I'm your father… your real name?" I watch for a moment as Diana nods, and sigh. "Didn't want to get her involved in this mess. But okay."

I think a moment longer. "Right, Noire. What were you fighting about with her?"

"You have to ask?" Severa snaps, suddenly looking furious. "She saw Diana! Months ago! And didn't say a word to me until earlier today. She's lucky I didn't kick her ass!"

"What? No!" Diana exclaims in shock. "Severa, you mustn't! I made her promise not to talk to anyone about me."

"You never heard about them?" I frowned. "I thought you'd have seen them when they picked up Lady Emmeryn."

"I was a little bit busy fighting the Plegian army at the time." Severa drawls. "I heard that there was a Griffon, but other than Chrom it was only the Pegasus Knights and everyone riding with them who actually saw them! I heard it was a kid riding the thing, and I thought of Diana, but I didn't make the connection. Because it couldn't actually be Diana! If it was Diana I'm sure my best friend, who was riding with that group, would have _the decency to FUCKING TELL ME_!" She snaps out furiously, shoulders heaving with barely contained rage.

"She was just keeping her promise, Severa! Please don't be mad with her." Diana cries out, looking guilty and trying her best not to cry.

"Of course I'm mad!" Severa snaps out. "She shouldn't have lied! Not to me! I've been worried sick for months!"

The two start hugging and crying, upset yet again, though not at each other this time. I let out a heavy sigh as I watch the two. This is one fight I fear won't be settled any time soon. Especially since, as much as it sucks to admit after seeing Noire so upset earlier, Severa really does have a very good reason to be mad at her. Severa needs time, and Noire needs to give an explanation for why she did what she did. I'll have to try talking to her later.

"Oh my." Cordelia says, entering the door with Lumír in tow, and pausing at the sight of the two crying girls. "I don't suppose something to eat would work to dry these tears?"

The two pull apart, and Diana gives a grateful smile. She's about to say something, when Severa cuts in with a scowl. "Not hungry."

"Tough shit." I reply, giving her a warning look. "You've had a hell of a long day and you need to eat something. No way in hell you aren't exhausted after all this."

Severa scowls even further, about to start snarking again no doubt. Before she can say anything though, Lumír toddles over and puts a hand on her knee, staring up at her. She looks down, startled, and groans. "Ugh, quit it with the eyes! Fine, I'll eat."

"Wonderful!" Cordelia smiles, bringing the two plates she's carrying over to their little table. She watches a moment as they start eating, then turns to me with an apologetic smile. "I remembered you had something earlier, so I thought I should make sure the girls ate first. I can go get you something now?"

"Don't worry about me." I shake my head, and get to my feet with a groan. "I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." I smile gratefully at her. "Thanks, though." I turn to look to the others and sigh. "Honestly, I think I just want to get back to the keep and go to bed at this point."

Cordelia frowns at that. "Right, we have to get back to the Shepherds… So what do we do about all of this, then?"

"Good question." I nod thoughtfully. "Well, I'm sure if I talked to Chrom that he could arrange for Diana and Lumír to bunk with the Shepherds…"

"I won't be able to do that, actually."

The two of us turn slowly to face Diana, who is looking up at us with a contrite expression. "King and I have something else I have to do at the moment."

"God damn it." I grit my teeth in frustration. "Don't tell me: this is some sort of time travel bullshit, isn't it?"

"Well… probably?" Diana fidgets uncomfortably. "I'm not sure why it's important, but you, or rather my father, assured me it needed to be done. He said I shouldn't get involved with the Shepherds until the task was completed."

"Which is why you told Noire to keep this a secret." I nod, putting the pieces together.

"If that's the case though, then why involve yourself in the fight at the border?" Cordelia frowns in confusion. Oh, good catch! I nod along and look back to Diana for an answer.

Diana goes very pink. "It was an accident. I forgot what day that happened. I was trying to sneak away when the Shepherds stumbled into me."

"And you just had a fake name ready? Or names, rather?" I amend, remembering the Griffon.

"I made them up on the spot." Diana shrugs. "King was easy enough to think of. And Dahlia's are my favorite kind of flower."

"Good taste!" I say with a grin. I don't actually know what a dahlia looks like off the top of my head, but with everything going on I feel like this conversation needs some positivity. Diana brightens up a bit at the comment, so I think it's a job well done.

"…I still think you should travel with the Shepherds right now." Cordelia says, frowning apprehensively. "It's dangerous for two children to be travelling alone in times like this, even if they have a Griffon to look after them. The Shepherds aren't going to be totally safe either, but at least there will be people to look after you and Lumír."

"We could probably get the people working for Flavia to look after them." I point out. "They'd be safe here in Gelida Dominus."

"But there would be nothing to stop them taking King and flying away as soon as our eyes were off them." Cordelia replies, shutting my idea down immediately. "If they're with the Shepherds, then they'd have Sumia to deal with, and we both know she'd watch them like a hawk."

"A bolt from the air, striking without warning if you step out of line." I joke, "Except with affection instead of sharp talons."

"Wait, you're just going along with this?" Severa asks me incredulously, though the effect is ruined by the sight of her bouncing Lumír on her knees while she glares. "Diana just told you she couldn't come with us!"

"Yes, but frankly speaking I agree with Cordelia. It's dangerous enough for Diana as is, but Lumír as well? Out of the question." I shake my head. "I know I'm not the most qualified of parents given the fact that I literally just met you two, but even I know that letting two year olds roam the countryside during wartimes is pretty fucking stupid."

"Language." Cordelia chides, jabbing me lightly with an elbow.

My brain runs rapid-fire through at least a dozen different sarcastic responses before settling on the smartest option, "Right, sorry. At any rate, my point stands. It's too dangerous for you to be flying around unsupervised."

"But… but I have to do this!" Diana protests. "My dad trusted me with this, you mustn't stop me!"

Ah geez, now she's getting teary-eyed on me. I scratch at the back of my neck uncomfortably and look over to Cordelia. She's kinda showing me up in the whole 'adulting' thing, face not budging in the slightest. When she catches my gaze wandering she sends me a disapproving scowl, clearly recognizing that I'm bending under my daughter's pleading look.

Can't really help it though. Apparently Diana learned a thing or two from watching Severa over the years. Primarily: how not to deal with me. When Severa gets upset I usually find it amusing, life and death circumstances excluded. That watery-eyed gaze though…

Yeah, I crack like a fucking egg. "Paper and pen."

"What?" Diana blinks in confusion.

"Paper and pen." I repeat. "You've been handling letters and stuff, right? So you should have some."

"Oh!" Diana gasps, hopping out of her seat and rushing to her bag. I take her place at the table, and pass her the meal Cordelia brought up as she brings me what I asked for.

"Eat that while I write." I say, shooing her over to the bed so she can eat. "You too, Severa." I call across the table. "You can play with your brother once you've finished eating. No more of this hunger strike nonsense."

"I wasn't!" Severa protests hotly, setting Lumír down from her lap and stabbing at her meal. I choose to believe that the look she sends Cordelia as she resumes eating is entirely because that's who Lumír runs to for more attention. I don't want to think about how the situation with those two is going to play out now that Cordelia knows she and Severa are related.

"What exactly are you writing, Ben?" Cordelia asks, peering over my shoulder as she tousles Lumír's hair.

"A letter of… introduction, I guess?" I frown as I try to arrange my thoughts. "Not sure what the official term for this would be. I know a guy who can help with this. He lives in the area and has a kid of his own, so he should be able to help. Money won't be a problem either; from what I hear he's been making it big the past few months."

"And you think he'll agree to helping with this?"

"Probably. He's a good guy, though a bit weird."

"Are you talking about Christoph?" Severa asks curiously.

"Good catch!"

"Wasn't difficult." She shrugs. "You only know like, two people outside of the Shepherds."

I give her a flat look. "Shouldn't you be eating right now?"

Severa rolls her eyes and scoops another forkful of carrots and gravy.

"So… who is this Christoph?" Cordelia asks curiously.

"He's a musician." I explain. "I broke his son out of a slaver camp last year. We performed at Arena Ferox together, and I hear he's been getting pretty popular since then."

"And you think he can be trusted?"

"Like I said. He's a good guy. I worked closely with him for most of a month. And his kid seems to be growing up well, from what little I remember of him."

"Hmm…" Cordelia mulls it over. "Well, they are your children. I suppose it's only right that I trust your judgement on this."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." I reply with a smirk. "Here, mind checking this over for me? I've never had to write a lot of letters in this language, so I want to be sure it's all legible."

She takes the letter and takes a minute to scrutinize it. "You misspelled 'adopted.' You forgot the tail here, see?"

"Ah, right." I scratch in the extra mark. "Thanks. Everything else look good?"

"It should do." Cordelia replies "Though the way some of this is worded… it almost seems as though…"

"You noticed, huh?" I nod. "Yeah, there's one other thing I need for this to work. Severa… I need to ask you something important."

"If you're about to ask me to look after them, don't bother." Severa replies with a scowl. "I was already planning on it."

"Atta girl." I grin proudly.

"I am not in need of a babysitter!" Diana protests across the room.

"Think of it as a family outing." I reply.

"With half the family absent?" Severa snarks.

I give her a look, then turn back to Diana. "If that doesn't work, then think of her as a bodyguard. After all the time you spent with Donnel that shouldn't be a problem right?" Cordelia's earlier comment about Donnel's crush suddenly pops into my head and I find myself feeling suddenly nervous for some reason…

I must be overthinking things. Surely.

Anyways, Diana still seems to want to protest the matter, so I move to cut her off. "You want to go out there and do the job my future self gave you? Then you're taking Severa. It's either that or you come back with us to the Shepherds."

"But that's not-"

"Those are my terms." I say firmly. "I'm already being far too lax with your safety as is, frankly. If I had any sense I'd be running as far away from Plegia as physically possible and taking all three of you kids with me, but that's not the world we live in."

Diana gets a look on her face like she just swallowed a lemon, but quickly manages to school her face back into its usual picture of calm. "I understand." She says quietly. "The two of us will leave tomorrow, then."

"Don't worry Dad." Severa says, giving me a small smile. "We'll be alright. So you be safe in Plegia. If I find out you've made a mess of things again without me you'll be in big trouble."

"Got it. I'll be sure to wait until you're back before I make another mess." I grin, getting up from my chair. "That way you'll have a front row seat."

"Right." She says shakily. "Good."

I watch as she tries desperately to keep the usual persona going, and find myself suddenly on blessedly familiar ground, recognizing a problem I actually know how to handle. "Alright, come give your dad a hug before I head back to the keep. That's an order."

She scowls up at me with watery eyes. "Fine, if it means that much to you."

She tries to crush my ribcage. I return the favor. After a moment Lumír decides he wants in on this as well and runs over. "Heck yeah, come here little man." I grin as Severa and I pull him in, then turn to Diana. "Come on, group hug. Participation is mandatory."

"I'm not sure…" Diana hesitates, standing up from the bed but looking apprehensive.

"Just shut up and get over here." Severa growls.

And she does.

I'm holding all three of them.

Holy shit, I have three kids now. I have a freaking toddler. I don't know what to do with them before they're teenagers. I barely know what to do with them when they are teenagers, honestly. Is this how every parent feels? Because it's fucking terrifying.

They don't need to know that, though.

"We'll be alright." I say, holding them a little tighter. "All of us. You go do what you have to. As long as you have each other we have nothing to fear. And you don't have to worry either. Because I won't let anything happen to me. Not when I have you three to come back to. I'll see you again, safe and sound, and then we'll have plenty of time to figure all of this out properly. Sound good?"

I get to my feet, having dropped to my knees for Lumír's sake, and have to stifle a grimace when I realize I've completely forgotten about poor Cordelia. She stands by the door, looking politely away from the four of us. I imagine she felt opening the door and leaving entirely would draw too much attention.

"We'd better go." I say, looking back down at the kids. "I have a feeling Cordelia and I are going to have a lot of explaining to do when we come back without you."

* * *

I give my apologies to the innkeeper on the way out, but Donnel seems to be far ahead of me in that regard. He and Cordelia have already given her a very simplified explanation of events, telling the woman only that I discovered my daughter was here and got worried. That, along with Donnel's offer to help in the kitchen for the rest of the night, proved enough to smooth things over. The money I give her to pay for the lock I broke certainly helped as well.

With Donnel stuck washing dishes for a while yet, Cordelia and I return to the Shepherds alone. The streets are largely silent now, though sound can be heard from the doors of any business with an open bar. A great many Feroxi are drinking the night away in preparation for the war to come, even though the long march won't begin for several days yet.

"It's a lot to take in, isn't it?" Cordelia says after a while. "I hardly know what to think of it all."

"Understandable." I sigh. "When Severa first told me about all of this I was a mess. Didn't sleep a wink all night."

"What do we tell the others?"

I think it over for a minute. "Severa found some old members of her old mercenary company." I suddenly remember Noire, and realize more detail will be necessary. "No, we'll be more specific, say it was her siblings. She found her siblings and decided to travel with them for a while, because they're too young for war and need somebody to look after them."

"And what about the time travel? Or everything they said about… Grima?" She shudders as she says the name.

"They don't need to know." I shake my head. "Not yet, anyways."

"Are you suggesting I lie to them?" She frowns.

"I'm suggesting you omit some details." I say firmly. "Everything I said to pass on was true. It just wasn't the complete story."

Cordelia gives me a considering look, as if re-evaluating me in her head. "I can't help but wonder how many of these details you've omitted with us until now. You seem very used to this sort of thing."

"I am." I reply, not seeing any reason to dispute the fact at this point. "I'm a man from another world, Cordelia. In a lot of ways I'm living a lie every minute of every day I spend here. It was the only way I could survive in this place."

I stop walking, and Cordelia takes this as a cue to turn and face me. I smile helplessly, feeling compelled to continue at this point. "And yet, if I were to go back to my home, I'd be no better. I'd smile and go about my day, knowing all the while that what I've done and experienced in this world will never leave me."

"…It sounds like a very lonely existence." She says, meeting my eyes. The look she gives me is one of grief, and pity, and a bit too much empathy.

"It can be." I reply. "There are good moments too, though."

"Like the children." She says, looking away.

"Yeah, that's good. It's a confusing mess, but it's still good." I shake my head. "Seriously though, I have three of them now. Three! I don't even know what to think of it all!"

"And apparently I have one as well. Though she seems far happier with you." Cordelia replies, a wistful tone in her voice.

"Ah." I flinch. "Shit. I'm sorry Cordelia. I didn't even think about… That was selfish of me. You must be feeling pretty upset with me right now."

"Upset with you?" Cordelia looks over in surprise. "Ben, I couldn't be more grateful to you! Knowing that you were there for my future self, to look after her the way you did… No, if anything I'm upset with myself."

"Yourself?"

"Of course." She replies bitterly. "The way she looked at me, how reluctant she was to tell me the truth. If Diana hadn't spoken I would never have even found out. She's my daughter, if from a different time, and yet she could barely stand the sight of me!" She clutches at her arms tightly enough that it must be physically painful, glaring out into the dark of night. "I must have been such a terrible mother to her."

"Hey, no, that's not true!" I protest, placing my hands over hers and gently loosening them from their ironclad grip over her own skin. "Look, she told me a bit about her life with you, and I have no doubt you were doing the best you could for her."

"Was I?" Cordelia growls. "Because I can easily see myself failing in that regard. What if I was a terrible mother to her? What if I held her responsible for what happened to me? I've been thinking about how I would feel to know my dreams of finding love had come to such a thing, a drunken night and a bad choice, and… I don't like the way it feels to think of it. What if my future self… resented her for this?"

"That's enough!" I snap. "Cordelia, listen very carefully to what I'm about to say. You are _not_ , and will _never_ be, that kind of person. You are kind, and strong, and caring. You'd sooner die then bring that kind of pain to anyone, let alone a child. Let alone your child."

She stares at me in wide-eyed shock, but I continue unabated. "You are smart, and responsible, and loving, and I know for a damn fact that you'd have been a wonderful mother to Severa. The only reason things are like this between the two of you is because you didn't get that chance. It's not your fault that things worked out that way, it's just bad luck. That's all."

I realise by now that I'm getting too worked up; I've basically traded one death grip on her arms for another. So I take a deep breath, relax, and step back. "Sorry. I just… you're a wonderful person, alright? It kills me to see you always acting like… like you deserve even half the crap you've gone through. You don't. You really don't. You're awesome." I feel my face heat up as I become a bit too conscious of her gaze on me. "And I'm rambling. Sorry. I should probably just… yeah."

"Why is it," Cordelia asks, staring at me thoughtfully. "That it feels as though every time I'm ready to fall apart, you're always there to help me pick up the pieces."

"Uhh!" I gape, "What? I've been… I kinda thought I was fucking things up, honestly. I'm still not sure why you're even talking to me. Especially after what happened with Aurora."

Her face falls at that. "Aurora… I miss her so much. It seems so unfair that she had to die after all she did to protect me. And I wish more could have been done for her. But… nothing more could have been done, could it?"

"It was… Lissa just couldn't have done anything to help. It was too late." I shake my head. "I knew it too. I could tell just by looking at her. And yet… I lied to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for giving you false hope, and I'm sorry it took me so long to take responsibility for that."

"Maybe it was false hope." Cordelia says quietly. "But I think it was what I needed at that moment. And it means a great deal to me that you were there for her. If it couldn't be me, then I'm glad it was a friend. You don't have to feel guilt for what happened to Aurora. You kept your promise to me. You did everything you could. You were there for her."

I feel myself starting to tear up over that, and clap a hand over my eyes to save face, forcing a chuckle. "God damn. I'm starting to think we both might have a problem with being too hard on ourselves, huh?"

"We certainly might." Cordelia smiles back. "Our own worst enemies."

"Well then." I announce, trying to discreetly wipe my face. "Let's make a deal. If I start getting too down on myself, you knock some sense into my head. And I'll do the same if you find yourself forgetting how brilliant you are."

"That sounds like a fine idea." Cordelia replies, beaming. Her face falls a moment later. "Though as productive as all of this has been, I realize we've forgotten the most pressing issue at the moment."

I frown. "Which pressing issue is this? There's gotta be at least a dozen by now."

"We still need to discuss what happens next? Now that we know all of this."

"Nothing, as far as I'm concerned."

"Nothing? But this is… this is the end of the world, Ben!" Cordelia protests, looking very lost. "We have to do something, surely!"

"Alright, you want a step by step plan, here it is. We go to Chrom and tell him, only him mind you, about what we now know. We tell the rest of the Shepherds the exact story I brought up earlier. And then we follow Chrom into Plegia to help him save his sister."

"…That leaves so much unaddressed though. Grima, the end of the world, whatever plans your children are acting upon…"

"And that's fine." I shake my head. "Because what we have to do right now hasn't changed at all. Today we save Ylisse. The rest of the world can follow tomorrow."

The answer doesn't fully satisfy Cordelia, but it seems to quell her immediate concerns at the very least. We walk the rest of the way back to Flavia's keep in silence, each with our own thoughts to consider.

I've got more questions than I know what to do with, especially after today. I'm no fool, it took a while but I've realized in retrospect that those kids were dodging my questions. There's something more going on between the three of them, something to do with me. They knew I wouldn't be aware of Diana's existence, and distracted me every time I brought that topic up. My future self must have warned them somehow. But why?

And what is it they're hiding from me? What secret goals are they following?

It's a scary thought. But one I don't allow to bother me. I trust Severa. And I'm sure Diana is no less deserving of that same trust, even if I barely know her. So with both of them off on their secret mission I decide that's an issue I can shelf for now, in favor of what matters right now: my little scheme with Emmeryn.

And that letter I wrote for Christoph gave me an idea in that regard. If I go through with this it would be absolutely insane. Even more so than that stunt with the Griffons. Possibly even worse than Kidnapper's Keep… But it may be just the thing to help evolve this scheme from a concept to a proper formula for victory.

Kids are gone now, after all. So why not break a rule or ten if they aren't around to see it?

* * *

 **A bit of a detour from all the schemes you were waiting for, but necessary for later. In the meantime you'll have to be satisfied with Ben getting more children. He collects those little buggers like they're Pokemon, so it's only natural at least one of them was influenced.**

 **Next time, The Shepherds go to Plegia, and Ben starts putting his plan together...**

 **Come join the discord, it's a great place for FE discussion, writing tips, and other general discussions about nonsense we like.**

 **Discord .gg/9XG3U7a**


	33. Chapter 31

**Before we begin, I want to thank everyone for the incredible reception the last chapter got. I think it was the most reviewed chapter this story has had yet, which was amazing to see. I appreciate you all so much for your feedback; if not for all of you I don't think this story would have lasted this long.**

 **With that said, I hope you enjoy this update!**

* * *

I don't see Severa, Diana, or Lumír again before The Shepherds depart for Plegia. The most news I receive about them is a letter from Christoph assuring me that he will happily look after Lumír. Well, Lumír is a side note if anything; most of the letter is about a project he's been working on in regards to some new instruments he's building. Still, if he says he'll look after my son, I have little doubt he'll do so.

Reactions to Severa's sudden departure are varied, but all ultimately negative. Thankfully Cordelia and I are able to explain the situation to Chrom before breaking the news to the rest of the Shepherds. His support goes a long way towards smoothing things out, even as Robin pulls his hair out at the news that one of the Shepherd's best fighters has left us at such a critical point. It doesn't take long for the general reaction to shift from surprise to teasing remarks about my picking up more kids.

I can't wait for the rest of them to learn about all this time travel business and fall apart from the shock of it all. Even if I'm basically guaranteed to have the most kids of any of the Shepherds at this point, I'm reasonably sure I've handled the reveal better than most of them will… weird fainting spells notwithstanding.

For the time being though, it remains a secret, even if of those few Shepherds in the loop I'm easily the least reluctant to hide the truth. Both Cordelia and Chrom are ultimately very trusting people. They lack my appreciation for pragmatic use of dishonesty. I've convinced them to hold off until the war with Plegia is over though. Once it's over I doubt I'll be able to stop them from bringing the truth up, but until then it's not something any of us have to deal with.

Which means I have that much more time to spend worrying about my girls. If it wasn't for this stupid plan of mine I think worrying is all I would be doing.

Unfortunately I simply don't have that luxury. My letter idea seems to have already fallen apart, since It's been a few weeks with no response. Not sure what I expected. I gave my best guess on where to send the stupid thing, but getting a letter delivered there was no easy task, and I'm not even sure if the person I need to talk to would even be there when the letter arrived. Let alone whether the recipient would have any interest in responding. Well, it was a longshot anyways. I have plenty of backup ideas.

Of course on top of all the plans and backup plans I need to puzzle through, there's plenty of work I need to do on myself. The easiest way to make sure my plan succeeds is to make sure I'm on the front lines to enact it, after all. Unlike in game, the healers won't be anywhere near the site of the execution when the time comes; they'll be near the back with the main Feroxi army. So if I'm stuck guarding them again then the plan will be over before it starts.

Training properly is no easy task though, since the Shepherds have begun our march into Plegia. My schedule of training and study has become impossible to maintain. The few aspects of my daily efforts not disrupted by long days marching across desert sands have been disrupted by the work of setting up and taking down camps.

There's also been an adjustment period concerning my wardrobe. Most of my clothing from earth has been left behind in Gelida Dominus, being completely unsuitable for desert heat. Only my shirt remains safe for wearing, with the rest of my wardrobe now consisting of much lighter clothing, which keeps my skin covered while not making me overheat. Many of the other Shepherds are the same in that regard, having been forced to abandon much of their usual combat gear so that the heat won't prove fatal. And outfitting the Feroxi army for this trip was a logistical nightmare, judging by the stories Anna's told me.

Long story short, all this travelling is completely fucking up all my self-improvement goals. This isn't a surprise in any way, shape, or form, but it's still a goddamn nuisance I'd prefer not to deal with.

Thankfully, a certain secret weapon I've discovered allows me to keep my training up even in the disgustingly sweltering Plegia weather. Miriel's spell for staving off the cold weather has proven equally useful in staving off the heat. Since its aim is to hold the body at a healthy temperature by regulating the flow of thermal energy in the body, it means much of the Plegian heat isn't even allowed to get in. Though the side effect of using the spell for such a purpose is a bit alarming at first glance.

Whenever the heat gets to be too much and I activate the spell my body radiates heat like a damn oven, to the point that the air appears to warp around me like a mirage. When I first tested the spell Lissa thought I was about to literally ignite. A brief explanation to her and Miriel later and now everyone in the Shepherds is periodically flaring up as they come to those few of us who can cast the spell.

"Hey Chuckles, sorry to be a bother, but…"

I look behind me and see a very flushed looking Gaius trudging up to march next to me, rousing me from my musings. Case in point.

"No worries dude, let me just grab my spellbook." I nod, fishing it out of my bag and clapping a hand to his shoulder.

Gaius practically sags in relief as a rush of heat blows my hair back. "Oh man, that's the stuff. 'Preciate the helping hand there, Chuckles. Don't know why this is affecting me so badly."

"I remember reading somewhere that redheads have it way worse because they have naturally paler skin tones." I shrug. "Cordelia's been coming to see me a lot too, and I know Miriel's been using this trick like crazy since I realized it would work.

"Oh?" Gaius gives me a mischievous grin. "You know, now that I think about it Red has been coming to you pretty much exclusively for this treatment."

"Has she? I hadn't noticed." A blatant lie on my part. I'd figured it out by the third time she came to me. Hard not to notice when a woman that beautiful keeps looking to me for help. And only me. I keep having to remind myself that she's still fairly new to the group and doesn't really know the other Shepherds yet, save for Gaius and Sumia. After years spent alone I think I'm starting to read a bit too much into pretty innocuous things.

"Yeah right!" Gaius chuckles. "I've seen the way she keeps running over here. Guess you could say she's 'in heat,' huh?"

"Dude…" I frown at him disapprovingly.

"Okay yeah, that was kind of sleazy." Gaius grimaces. "That's my bad. I guess a part of me is still used to travelling with… well with shittier people. A few comments like that used to go a long way towards getting on their good side. And you did not want to be anywhere _but_ on their good side. I picked up more than a few bad habits in those days… and some bad jokes too, I guess."

I'm still a little bit ticked off by the comment, but the joke was out of character enough for Gaius that I figure there's plenty of truth in his claim and decide to give him the benefit of the doubt. "Well you seem to be doing alright with the Shepherds now. I know Chrom seems to be getting along well with you. And Frederick and Maribelle aren't scowling as much these days."

"Blue's alright." Gaius nods in agreement. "A bit too caught up in himself, but not nearly as much as most nobles I've met. If we all live through this I'm thinking I'm going to take him out on the town when we get back to Ylisstol."

"That'd be good for him." I nod along. "Other than battles the only time I ever see him loosen up is with Sumia."

"Tell me about it." Gaius nods. "Anyways, I've gotta go. Robin wants me to scout ahead. One more cooldown for the road?"

"Sure thing." I place my hand on his shoulder and watch the air twist as the heat rushes off him. "Just remember to keep your hood up. I can stop you from getting heatstroke, but you'll still get sunburned if you stay exposed too long."

"Right, that 'radiation' thing you were telling Specs about." Gaius nods, "Still doesn't make a bit of sense to me, but I'll be careful!" He darts ahead to the front of the line, speaks briefly with Frederick, and darts away, completely unbothered by the difficult terrain the way most of us are. He should be gone until evening.

Travelling through Plegia with the Shepherds has been all in all very different from what the games showed. I can see all too easily how the war Chrom's fuckass of a dad waged failed so completely. Many of the greatest military strengths of Ylisse are completely removed from play by the climate alone. Travel by horse is impossible save for a few select roads running throughout the country, and anyone stupid enough to wear the heavy metal armor of an Ylissean knight in this heat would literally be cooked alive. In a Plegian desert the Ylissean army is reduced to lightly armored soldiers, mages, and Pegasus Knights. It's little wonder the majority of Gangrel's maneuvers until now have resulted in such devastation to the Pegasus Knights; he's been systematically destroying the part of the Ylissean military best suited to counterattacking him.

If we didn't have Regna Ferox assisting us then our cause would be completely and utterly hopeless. The majority of the Feroxi people have darker skin tones that leave them much better suited to the desert heat, and their fighting style barely suffers at all in this climate. They're certainly not comfortable here, being far more used to colder climate, but paradoxically they handle it far better than the Ylisseans.

Or rather, they did before I decided to start playing with magic again. Thank god I did too, for a while there I was getting almost as grouchy as Robin was last winter. I deal with heat about as well as he deals with cold. Casting the heat spell was really more of a desperation move than anything. I was probably a day or so away from collapsing of heatstroke myself.

Speaking of which… "Need another cooldown Cordelia?" I ask, spotting the redhead approaching from my right.

"I certainly wouldn't be opposed." Cordelia replies, giving me a grateful smile. "Though I'm actually here on Robin's behalf."

"Robin, huh?" I look over my shoulder to where the tactician is looking through one of his many notebooks. "What's he need?"

"He said he wanted to talk to you about a change in formation." She replies, sighing in relief as I cast the spell. "Thank you Ben, that feels wonderful."

"Any time." I grin. "Now let me just go see what Robin wants."

Robin nods to me as I approach, looking frustratingly unbothered by the desert heat. "Ah Ben, you certainly wasted no time."

"Cordelia said you needed to talk about changing my position." I shrug. "It sounded important enough that I figured I shouldn't wait."

"Yes, I suppose it could be." Robin nods. "Before I say anything else, let me just say I'm intending this as a precautionary measure more than anything else, so if you think there will be a problem I'm open to hearing you out."

"Okay…" I reply hesitantly, hearing the word precautionary and immediately thinking that he's about to ask me to play it safe on the back lines.

"Simply put, I've been reassessing our formation since so many of the Shepherds can't fight at their best right now." Robin explains, gesturing to the front. "If it's alright with you I'd like to ask that you switch places with Kellam."

"With Kellam?" I blink in surprise. "You want me on the vanguard?"

"Without his armor I worry about putting him so far forward." Robin nods. "I've seen the way Kellam normally fights, and I can't help but be concerned that he might have picked up some… bad habits."

"…Like ignoring attacks that would normally glance off his plate." I reply, understanding. "So you want me up front because I'm used to fighting with less protection."

"Exactly." Robin says. "I should also note that I'd like to have somebody on the front lines who can cast that heat spell, just in case. I never did find the time to learn it last winter, and didn't see the point afterwards, until now of course. The only other frontline fighter with magic training who currently has a spellbook is you."

"Makes sense. I'll do it." I nod eagerly.

"You're sure?" Robin asks, looking nervous. "I'd understand if you refused. I know you're still adjusting from what happened in Ferox."

"Positive." I grin. "Frankly, I've been trying to come up with a way to talk you into sending me to the front anyways."

"Have you now?" Robin asks dubiously.

"Damn right." I affirm, becoming serious. "Robin, you know better than anyone the work I've put into becoming more than just a damn benchwarmer around here. I train more than anyone else in the Shepherds, besides Sully and Frederick."

"I'm not really concerned with your physical capabilities at this point." Robin says, visibly fishing for a tactful way to touch on the same problem everyone else in the Shepherds has been dancing around for months. "I'm just… well, how do I put this?"

"I know what you're about to say. So don't. I get that you're looking out for me, and I appreciate it. I really do. But I need to face this." I cut him off. "If you keep me on the back lines forever I'll never be able to move past what happened to me. So if you think the front lines are where my skills are more useful, then that's where I'm going."

"As long as you're certain…" Robin mutters, still sounding concerned.

"I'm going to the front now, Robin. I'll send Kellam your way." I reply flippantly, jogging away before he can change his mind. That was too close. Looked for a second like he was going to talk himself out of it. Can't have that happen; this was exactly what I was looking for.

Front lines! Just like that, I have what I needed, and I barely needed to beg for it. Nothing better for a job like this one; the chaos of the battlefield will be essential if I'm going to slip away to enact my plan.

"Oi, Kellam!" I call out blindly, advancing to the front. "Robin wants to talk to you. Formation change!"

"I'll be right there!" He calls out from somewhere in front of me and to the right. Without all that armor I'm even worse at spotting him than usual. Put him in leathers and he could practically out-sneak Gaius.

"Ah, hello Ben." Frederick greets me as I start keeping pace with him. "Robin has finally decided to place you on the front lines, has he?"

"Yup." I nod. "I'm officially on the vanguard."

"Ha!" Vaike scoffs from Frederick's other side. "Just try not to slow us down. I don't need you getting your ass knocked out by the first Plegian we run into."

"I think I'll manage just fine." I roll my eyes. "Maybe you've forgotten, _Teach_ , but I've got more scars than you do these days. I can take a hit."

"You wanna bet?" Vaike turns around at me, growling. When I tap my chest as a reminder his rebuttal visibly dies on his lips. "…Whatever. Just don't cause any problems."

"When you two are quite finished." Frederick interjects irritably. "We may have trouble. Gaius is returning early from his scouting trip."

I peer out in the direction Frederick's pointing, but it takes me a moment before I spot our scout. He's barely visible, a head bobbing in the air, with the heat of the desert obscuring everything closer to ground level. "…Doesn't look like he's rushing. That said, he's only been gone for a few hours."

Frederick nods. "At the pace he's moving, it seems safe to assume that he wasn't discovered. Still, no sense in taking chances." He snaps out a gesture for the rest of the Shepherds to halt. At another gesture Sumia hops into Arella's saddle, ready to take off at a moment's notice. The poor Pegasus looks ready to take off immediately, much preferring the cooler temperature of higher altitudes. Unfortunately the two stand out too much in the air to allow for anything more than low altitude flight outside of battle. Even now her primary task is to relay messages back to the Feroxi army, which can't keep the same pace as the Shepherds for obvious logistical reasons.

It takes several more minutes of waiting in anxious quiet before Gaius reaches us, reporting to Frederick directly. "Trouble up ahead." He calls out as he approaches, "Though I guess you all picked up on that already."

"The Plegian army?"

"Worse, Grimleal." He shudders as he gestures. "They're not waiting for us though. Looks like they're searching a village up ahead for somebody."

"Who are they looking for, exactly?" Frederick asks curiously.

"Some girl, from the sound of things." Gaius shrugs. "Not sure what they need her for though. Hell, didn't want to know. Whatever those crazy bastards want I'm perfectly happy having nothing to do with it."

"That would certainly be the most pragmatic way to approach the situation…" I reply. "But do you really think Chrom would be okay with that? Even if it makes the task to come more difficult he's not going to turn his back on a kid in trouble." Left unsaid by me is the fact that this girl has the potential to be well worth the investment.

"Seriously, why are we even talking about this?" Vaike snaps irritably. "Let's just go kill the bastards before they find that kid! No way in hell is The Vaike gonna let those Grimleal assholes do whatever they want!"

"I'm inclined to agree." Frederick nods. "Dangerous though it may be, I have little desire to simply allow the Grimleal to run rampant. Gaius has spotted Grimleal activity." He calls over my shoulder, and I turn to see Chrom and Robin have arrived at the front.

"We heard." Chrom nods. "You said they were chasing a girl, correct? We'll have to move quickly to ensure her safety.

"Hold on, before everyone gets all worked up here!" Gaius waves his arms to get everyone's attention. "If we're going to get involved with whatever these Grimleal are up to, can I suggest we not go in swords drawn and spells blazing?"

Chrom and Frederick look at each other dubiously, clearly not used to handling things in such a manner. "I assume you have a reason for saying as much?" Frederick asks, squinting at Gaius suspiciously.

"Maybe you've forgotten, but Grimleal aren't just a bunch of creepy bastards around here. They're sort of… the state religion. Somehow." Gaius says, gesturing vaguely. "If we pick a fight it could lead to trouble with the locals."

"A good point." Robin frowns. "Still from what I've read, the Grimleal religion doesn't have much of a following amongst the common people anymore. It mostly persists due to its deep rooted political power in Plegia."

"Mostly, but not completely." I point out, mentally going over the worst case scenarios. "We have no idea how the people in this specific part of Plegia may feel. And even if there's only one or two citizens who follow the Grimleal faith, if they get tangled up in everything it could cause a chain reaction. It's not likely, mind you, but still worth considering."

"All right then…" Chrom muses. "I assume if you're bringing this up, you have an alternative suggestion Gaius?"

"As a matter of fact, I do." Gaius nods. "Gonna be risky, but if we play our cards right, we should be able to get in, find the girl, and get out without anyone being the wiser."

Gaius' plan turns out to be very simple. A small group sent in to infiltrate the village while the other Shepherds hold position. Said small group sneaks in, tracks down the kid, and gets out.

If that plan sounds vague, that's because it is. It's very vague, and I'm honestly not sure how Gaius managed to talk the others into agreeing to it. I'm even less sure as to how he talked me into joining him on this infiltration team. Of the other two members of our group, Lon'qu looks every bit as confused as I feel. Vaike on the other hand insisted on joining himself, feeling too restless to just sit around and wait for us to do everything. Still that leaves the vast majority of the Shepherds having signed off on a plan that has little to no details, with most of the team not sure how.

I guess Gaius is just a very charismatic person. That or everyone in the Shepherds is a fucking sucker.

… Might be a bit of both, really.

"So I can't help but notice you never mentioned to the others how you plan to find this mysterious hidden girl." I say, pulling the hood of my cloak further up as we approach the outskirts of the village.

"It'll be fine!" Gaius waves a hand dismissively. "Trust me. I'm a thief, I know all about hiding."

"That does not inspire confidence." Lon'qu grumbles from beside me. "Is this really our best plan?"

"Define 'best'. It's the plan least likely to piss off the locals." I shrug.

"I imagine catching a group of foreign invaders would improve their mood, yes." Lon'qu sighs.

"Did you just crack a joke?" I look over at the swordsman curiously. "You're usually a lot more… stoic than this."

"I find the current company to be far more agreeable than what I am usually forced to tolerate." Lon'qu grumbles, looking uneasily over his shoulder, back the way we came. "There are far too many women in the Shepherds for me to relax."

"Ah, right. That phobia thing of yours." I muse. "You really should start working on that, you know. Speaking from experience, leaving such trauma be can lead to… problems."

"I am aware." Lon'qu nods. "Such problems have plagued me for years now. I have been unable to surpass this weakness on my own though."

I find myself suddenly recalling the first conversation I ever had with this guy. "Is this about that thing you said you lack way back when?"

"One of several things." Lon'qu turns and regards me. "I have come to realize my shortcomings are more extensive than I realized in my time as a Shepherd."

"Huh." I reply, rather eloquently if I do say so myself. "Well… I guess that's good then?"

"Is it?" Lon'qu asks, his usual grim silence giving way to an expression of open (if still rather grim) curiosity that looks out of place coming from him.

"Sure. It's like that saying goes: the first step is admitting you have a problem." I muse. "I mean, I'm pretty sure that's meant to be about addiction, but I think it still applies here. Gotta know what's wrong if you're going to make a proper effort at fixing things, right?"

"Sound reasoning." Lon'qu nods. "I will think more on this then. Later though. We're falling behind."

"Good call." I nod, quickening my pace to catch up with Gaius and Vaike, who are sneaking into a gap between two houses on the outskirts of the town.

"All done chatting?" Vaike sneers as I slide past him. "Sure you don't want to stand around in the open and talk some more? Maybe sing a few more of your dumb songs while you're at it?"

"What's the matter, feeling left out?" I reply in a low voice that barely hides the scorn I feel at the comment. "I could hold your hand if you like. I know you must get so lonely."

"Shut up, asshole." Vaike grumbles, running a hand absentmindedly over his sweating brow.

"You first." I sigh, pulling out my spellbook. "You need to cool your head. Literally." I slap a hand to his shoulder and wince as the heat flares off of him. Thought he was acting more irritable than usual. "Speak up next time, we can't have you passing out on us."

"Please. A little heat's nothing to the Vaike!" Vaike replies defensively, even as he shows visible relief at the more comfortable temperature.

"My mistake then." I roll my eyes at Gaius, who chuckles under his breath as he leads us forward.

"So, you do have an actual plan, right?" I ask Gaius quietly as we approach the road.

"Sure I have a plan!" Gaius grins good-naturedly. "It's simple, Chuckles. See, the thing about these Plegian towns you have to realize: they're the only chance most folks have for survival in these parts. Trying to get by in the desert between them is damn near impossible. And travel between them is difficult as hell too, often deadly."

"Yeah, that's rather obvious." I nod along. "Unless you have a proper supply line like we do, with the numbers to maintain it, just walking through the desert is going to lead to nothing but misery."

"Yeah, which means that right now the Grimleal essentially have this kid trapped." He leads us down the road along the edge of town, eyes darting about for any signs of Grimleal. "They won't be able to leave town on their own, since that'll get them killed as surely as the Grimleal probably will."

"Okay, so they need to find a good spot to hide and wait this out. Nothing we didn't know already."

"Or," Lon'qu interjects, "The girl could find some sort of transportation."

"Bingo." Gaius nods, pointing at the two of us. "With four of us we'll be able to cover our bases. Just need to find a good vantage point… hold up!"

We pause, listening in absolute silence for a moment. Then Gaius curses under his breath, shooing us hurriedly to the side of the road. We rush into another gap between houses, hiding behind some stacked barrels. The reason why reveals itself a minute or two later; a pair of Grimleal followers, travelling down the road in silence, features hidden entirely behind their dark cloaks. The purple eyes on their sleeves seem to glare at us as they pass our hiding spot. Thankfully their real eyes, hidden beneath their hoods, fail to as much as glance in our direction.

Another minute later and the cultists have passed us by, and Gaius elects to lead us between the houses instead of the road. "You notice those creeps have a pretty similar getup to that coat Robin is always wearing?" He asks uneasily after a minute or two of silent travel.

"I noticed." I reply with a shrug. "It's pretty obvious. Those eyes are kinda distinct."

"I guess so." Gaius frowns uncomfortably as he peers out into the next street. "Never really made the connection before now."

"Doesn't look as sinister when Robin's wearing it." Vaike nods.

"Don't think Robin's really capably of sinister, honestly." I chuckle in agreement.

"Robin should be told, if he doesn't know already." Lon'qu says. "He likely wages war against his homeland. That is not something he should be allowed to do blindly."

"I feel like him and Frederick would have pieced that together a while ago." I muse. "You're right though, we should definitely check with him when we get back. How much further, Gaius?"

"Looks like we're about a block away from the main road…" Gaius muses. "We need to make our way to the town square. I imagine that's where everybody's going to be right now."

"Where's that from here?" Vaike asks, looking down the street.

"Northeast." Lon'qu replies, gesturing. "Where those trees are. A town in the desert lives and dies by its water supply. They'll have built centered on that oasis."

"Yeah, let's keep our heads low though." Gaius nods. "I'll bet the closer we get to that part of town the more Grimleal we'll fi- shit, back!" He jumps back behind the house he was passing by and holds out an arm to stop us from stepping out. "Think I saw a hood pointed our way. Keep quiet."

The four of us wait in nervous silence for a while, but there's no further sound. After a few minutes have passed Gaius dares a glance around the corner. "Okay, looks like he's gone. Not sure if he moved on or is getting reinforcements. Let's not wait around to find out."

"Sounds like a plan." I nod in agreement. "Maybe we should hop the wall over there and use it for cover?"

Gaius mulls it over for less than a second. "No dice. Sorry Chuckles, but you and Muscles here don't really have the grace to clear a wall quietly enough for my liking."

"You saying we're clumsy?" Vaike asks indignantly.

"You're not clumsy, but you're not thieves either." Gaius shrugs. "If the Lone Swordsman here didn't have quiet as his default personality trait I probably wouldn't trust him to do it either."

"It's well within my skillset." Lon'qu snorts. "You aren't the only streetrat in this group."

"What he said!" Vaike agrees hotly. "I may be good at hitting things hard, but I had to steal for a living for years before I joined the Shepherds."

"No shit?" Gaius blinks, looking at the two in surprise. His gaze flickers to me. "You're not about to tell me you're used to robbing folks blind too, are you?"

"Sorry, pampered city boy through and through." I smirk. "That said, it's not like I don't know how to move quieter than most."

"You sure you can handle it?" Vaike asks, his expression torn between amusement and genuine concern.

"I'll be fine." I reply with confidence I don't entirely feel, not wanting to be outdone. "Here, just watch."

"Uhh Chuckles? Ben? Might want to stop and think about things before we just jump in like this." Gaius asks, looking suddenly panicked.

"I'm telling you, I got this." I say, checking around to make sure there aren't any hooded figures in the area. All clear. I run for the wall before the others can stop me.

I can already tell as I start moving that this isn't my brightest moment. Chalk it up to my deep-rooted self-esteem issues I guess. I'm not fond of the idea of being the weak link in this group. I may not have the background for sneaking around that these people do, but I do know a thing or two about sneaking around. When I grew up I had none of the bulk I do now, and often had to rely on being fast and agile instead. That lasted until I was about twenty years old and I hit my second growth spurt and my build suddenly went from scrawny to broad practically overnight…

Point is, I've got some knowledge of this stuff, but I'm not really built for it in the way I used to be. I am presently in the best shape of my life though, save for the occasional stiffness from scarring. So hopping a wall shouldn't be too much trouble for me. I hope.

And… it actually isn't a problem! I grab the top of the wall, leap, and vault myself cleanly over it. The landing is almost a mess, but I manage to use Frederick's training to fall into a proper roll that blunts the impact enough to stop me from crashing. It's not silent, but it's a hell of a long way from noisy.

I let out the breath I was holding and chuckle to myself in relief. A moment later Gaius lands next to me in absolute silence, an only slightly strained smile on his face. "Gotta hand it to you Chuckles, that wasn't too bad! I have a few notes, but I honestly expected a lot worse than that."

"Oh ye of little faith." I reply with a grin as Vaike climbs over the wall in near-silence. "Told you I could do it."

"Landing sounded pretty messy." Vaike critiques, "But at least them hooded bastards didn't notice it."

"If that's all you can find to say about it, then I guess I did a better job than I thought." I tease.

"Oh fuck off." Vaike sighs, rolling his eyes. "Let's just keep moving."

He walks past Gaius and I to the corner of the next house, peering around it. He blinks in confusion, reeling back, then comments in bewilderment, "Wait, what the-"

It's a complex gamut of emotions that flies across Vaike's face in a very short amount of time. Confusion, realization, alarm, surprise, fear, defiance, outrage, and finally hesitation, which is the expression he's still wearing as a blur of brown and red hits him. His face flickers between all of it in barely a second, but the way his face seems to flicker sticks out in sudden clarity.

Processing Vaike's fascinating degree of emotion is about all I have time for before Vaike is incapacitated. I've barely thought to get to my feet before I hear his arm wrenched from the socket with a loud pop. Vaike's eyes bug out, and he inhales sharply, before a blow blurs across his chin and he falls to the ground stunned, without even the time to cry out.

Gaius landed in a better position than I did, and is a hell of a lot faster than I am, so by the time I'm getting to my feet the thief is already throwing a knife. Our attacker wastes no time, bringing a buckler to block the blade with a noisy clang that makes everyone present wince. The attacker hurriedly drops the buckler aside as Gaius throws his second knife. Instead of blocking the knife, the attacker weathers the blow against a shoulder protected with thick leather. He winces in pain as it hits him, but there's little doubt the brunt of the damage was stopped by his armor.

A lightbulb goes off in my head as the man moves in on Gaius, and I make a sudden decision as I finally regain my footing. Instead of moving to back up Gaius, I hurl myself to the side, past him and towards the corner where Vaike was taken out. The man attacking us gives an alarmed cry as I move, and gives chase after hesitating for a split second.

I look around the corner and get the briefest glimpse of green and blonde hair. I start to inform Gaius that this guy's got the girl we're looking for. But he tackles me before I can finish, meaning all I manage to actually say is: "He's got the- GUORGH!"

Because holy shit, he does a thorough job of it. I'm caught in a full body tackle that hurts more than that time I fought Chungus at Kidnapper's Keep. It's not like this guy has anywhere near the kind of mass that oversized troglodyte did, but he definitely knows how to throw his weight around perfectly in a way that makes him hit like a man ten times his size.

Not surprising considering who we're dealing with: mercenary veteran Gregor. In the game he wasn't anything special, a fine physical unit, but with a role that could be better played by plenty of other characters in my experience. His backstory listed some absolutely crazy feats though, so a part of me has been curious for a while to see what he's made of in this world where Shepherds aren't held back by game mechanics. This is a guy who nearly beat Khan Basilio in single combat after all, if the stories are true.

Judging from how he decimated Vaike in five seconds, and the way his tackle makes me instantly want to curl up and die, I'd say he's made of pure fucking badass. Holy fucking shit I feel like he just cracked my ribs with that one! That was ridiculous, he barely even had momentum to put into that hit!

I hit the ground hard next to Vaike, and grab at my chest. My lungs heave for air, trying to push me to cough, and I barely manage to wheeze in enough oxygen to regain my bearings. It proves just enough that I have the presence of mind to get my arms up in a hasty guard, which crumples like tinfoil under the heavy punch Gregor follows up with. My right arm goes numb, and I lash out blindly with my left in the hopes I can drive him back before he can do worse than wind me. From the feel of things I manage to pop him pretty well in the nose. I finally get a moment to breathe as Gregor falls back with a grunt, and sit up just in time to see Gaius rush the guy.

Gaius is skilled with knives, but apparently Gregor has seen most of these tricks before. Gaius' opening is similar to the time he fought me the night he joined the Shepherds; a knife thrown at the face to drive the opponent back. I managed to swat the attack aside when he tried it on me, by no means an unimpressive feat if I do say so myself. Gregor puts me to shame by _catching_ the blade out of the air and throwing it back in a single motion, pinning Gaius' cloak before he can start the erratic movements that he prefers in combat.

"Normally Gregor is not killing for free." Gregor mutters as he finally draws his sword. "But for sneaky kidnapper folks, may be making exception. Will be special deal for girlie."

Gaius frees himself too late. He has no time to react as the sword bears down on him. I've regained my footing, but I'm still dizzy from the brief but brutal beat-down Gregor just gave me. Neither of us can do anything to stop the experienced mercenary from tearing Gaius apart.

Luckily Lon'qu is faster than either of us. His sword clashes with Gregor's just before Gaius gets split down the middle. The two expert swordsmen trade what feels like a dozen blows in a few seconds before Lon'qu finds himself disarmed with Gregor's sword at his throat. And Gregor finally stops for the first time in this stupidly one-sided fight.

"Oi. Aren't you being Basilio's little swordling boy?"

Lon'qu blinks in shock, still stunned at his swift defeat, so it takes him a moment to finally respond. "You know me?"

Gregor frowns. "I am hearing much from Basilio about his new sword boy last time we are drinking. Why is Ferox sword being with Grimleal? Tell Gregor quickly."

"We're not Grimleal." I say hurriedly. "We're Ylissean! Or rather, allied with Ylisse. Have you heard of the Shepherds?"

Gregor turns to regard me suspiciously, and I notice with a brief swell of pride that my punch bloodied his nose. "Shepherds… Ah yes, Gregor remembers. Princeling boy's toy soldiers… Sword boy, is this being true? Tell Gregor, quickly."

"It's true." Lon'qu says gruffly. "We were travelling south to save the Exalt when we heard of Grimleal activity in the area. The four of us were sent to investigate."

Gregor squints down at Lon'qu, who meets his gaze evenly. Then turns to regard Gaius, myself, and Vaike each, as we wait in suspense.

The change in Gregor's demeanor is about as swift as his beat down of the four of us. He claps a hand to his head and moans in grief, sheathing his sword with his other hand. "Oi, Gregor was almost making with the huge mistake! That was being dangerous for new Ylissean friends."

"Tell me about it." Gaius mumbles shakily, slumping against the wall of the house. The rest of us finally take the chance to recover from that fight as well. I shake my arm out to get the blood flowing properly again, and watch as Lon'qu sets Vaike's shoulder back into place. He grits his teeth and hisses loudly as the bones visibly shift, but retains the presence of mind to keep from shouting. I can't help but be impressed.

As we're doing this Gregor claps his hands together, bowing his head in contrition. "Gregor is being very sorry for misunderstanding. Was not expecting to find new friends in such place. Grimleal folks hunting Gregor and girlie all over town. Gregor has been very tense today!"

"Understandable." I nod, helping a still dizzy Vaike up off the ground. "We're sorry for surprising you. If we'd known you were hiding here I wouldn't have been so hasty to jump the wall like that."

"Ah, so you are being one who lands like drunken bear!" Gregor chuckles. "Very noisy! Not good for sneaking."

"I like to think I was brought along for my sharp wit more than my sneaking, yes."

"It was mostly because I wanted somebody with that cooling spell along, actually." Gaius mutters with a grin, still leaned up against the wall.

"Go fuck yourself." I reply cordially.

"If we're all done here?" Lon'qu cuts in, voice urgent. "We need to move. Now. There's no way the Grimleal didn't hear that fight of ours, and we've been sitting here chatting without a care for too long. I'm not looking to experience their dark magic any time soon."

"Ah, swordling is being correct!" Gregor hisses. "Come, come! There is good house nearby for hiding. Nowi!" He moves next to me and calls to the girl with an urgent whisper. "We must make with the hiding again! Come meet Gregor's new friends so we can be going!"

"Aww, again?" Nowi sighs, running around the corner and making a big show of pouting so everyone can see her. "This sucks! Can I please just burn all those jerks now?"

"Oi! Gregor is telling you many times why this is bad idea!" Gregor grumbles, walking past our new companion to check over the wall.

"Yeah, yeah." Nowi rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out at Gregor behind his back. Then, seeming to only just remember that she has an audience, whirls back around to the rest of us. "Hiya! I'm Nowi! Are you guys here to help me?"

"That's right!" Vaike says with a grin. "We heard the bad guys were trying to catch a girl here in town, and came here to save the day!"

"Wow! So you're all like, heroes or something? That's awesome!" Nowi gasps in awe, clapping her hands excitedly.

Vaike continues to show off, despite still being a little wobbly on his feet. A part of me is immediately annoyed by his showboating, until I remember that he doesn't know what Nowi is. The Grimleal are chasing her because she's an incredibly powerful Manakete; a thousand year old dragon in human skin. But to Vaike, this is just a kid in trouble. And while Vaike may often piss me off to no end, he's great with kids and knows it. This is just him doing his usual performance to help what he sees as a little girl feel better about the shit situation she's in.

And Nowi seems to be loving it. Probably because all evidence points to her having the maturity of the average child. A part of me wonders if this was the real reason he wanted to come along on this trip.

"Coast is being clear!" Gregor says, getting everyone's attention. "Let us make with the haste!"

"Are we seriously working with this guy now?" Gaius groans as I help him to his feet. "He damn near killed all four of us!"

"Lon'qu, he's a friend of Basilio's, yeah? You know anything about this guy?" I ask curiously.

"I might…" Lon'qu says hesitantly. "Basilio told me once that a man named Gregor once fought him for the position of Western Khan. He is certainly skilled enough to be that man."

"And can he be trusted?"

"I'd sooner trust him than the Grimleal."

"Fair point." I nod. "And thank fuck for that, because I don't like the idea of trying to fight him again. Even if we aren't being ambushed I don't like our chances."

"Me either." Gaius shudders. "Alright, consider me convinced. We'll make nice with the super-soldier."

"Keep workshopping those nicknames." I chuckle drily, watching as Vaike and Gregor help Nowi over the wall.

"Yeah, I'll come up with something better once I'm not fearing for my life."

"You guys wanna move it already?" Vaike snaps impatiently at us. "Thought we established already that this ain't the place to be chatting!"

"We're going already, don't get your panties in a twist." Gaius rolls his eyes at me, and we head for the wall.

Before we can take two steps Lon'qu stops us. "Quiet!" He says urgently, "Don't make a sound."

I take his advice immediately, freezing in place. Beside me Gaius does the same. And without footsteps or our voices to mask anything we hear what Lon'qu caught the slightest trace of.

Voices. From in front of the house we're hiding behind.

The three of us share a panicked look, and immediately spring into action. I can't jump that wall without drawing more attention, so I duck around the corner and flatten myself against the wall. Lon'qu follows suit, pausing only a moment to retrieve his sword from where Gregor sent it earlier. Gaius shows a better head for this sneaking thing than either of us, as one would expect, and quickly pulls his cloak from his shoulders to sweep it across the sand. Hardly the most convincing job, but it does a passable job of hiding our tracks. Across the wall I see Vaike ducking out of sight, gesturing frantically to Gregor and Nowi as he does so.

And as Gaius settles in next to Lon'qu and me, we wait. The voices grow louder bit by bit, though I still can't make out what they're saying.

A minute passes.

Then two.

The three of us are standing in the direct sunlight, and the heat is growing more stifling by the second. I eye the shadows along the wall enviously, but dare not move for them. The only cover from the sun available would leave me more exposed to these Grimleal were they to approach this side of the house.

After another minute they round the corner. I can tell only because their voices become so much clearer.

"-around the back maybe? It's not like they'll be running around on the main streets." A man's voice rings with sudden clarity. He sounds young, no older than Donnel judging by his voice.

"Makes sense… assuming you really heard anything to begin with." The second voice, an older woman, responds.

"I'm telling you, there were definitely weapons clashing over here!"

"So you've said. At least a dozen times. And I have yet to see or hear anything!"

"We know they have to be somewhere in town though! The watch saw them entering nearly half an hour ago!"

"You can go a lot of places in half an hour, Adam. That's why we pulled so many guards on this end! So the Ylissean bastards could get plenty far into town before we start tightening the damn net!"

"I know what I heard!" The voice replies petulantly, suddenly becoming all too clear as a hooded figure walks around the corner directly next to us.

My hand snaps to the hilt of my sword immediately, but Gaius grabs me by the wrist before I can draw. I look back at him and see him silently shaking his head. He holds a finger to his lips, a throwing knife hanging loosely from his hand. I look back to the Grimleal, and suddenly understand. Those damn hoods they wear have given the man tunnel vision. He hasn't spotted us yet.

We watch the man with silent tension, ready to explode into action at a moment's notice. He seems to be examining the corner where we had our fight with Gregor. The sand is still messy there, but thanks to Gaius' hasty cover job it's not particularly telling on its own. A thoughtful hum comes from beneath the hood. And slowly his head turns towards us, running along the wall. Gaius' hand raises, ready to put a knife into that hood the moment it turns our way…

The other voice huffs from around the corner. "Enough of this. I'm going back to my post."

"What!?" The hooded man whirls around in alarm… to his left. The three of us quietly sag in relief as he rushes back out of sight. "But what about-"

"Not another damn word, Adam!" The woman replies angrily. "I'm getting back into the shade before this heat kills me. You said you heard weapons clashing, but I haven't seen so much as a speck of blood since we came to investigate, let alone an actual body!"

Gaius' grip tightens on my wrist, and I look in confusion. He's staring at a spot on the ground, and when I turn to follow his gaze I see a bloody spot _directly in_ the hooded man's footprint. It probably dripped there from Gregor's face. He stepped on it without noticing!

"Maybe they cleaned up after the fight was over?" The voice replies pleadingly, starting to fade away. "I'm sure they're around here somewhere!"

"Maybe they are, maybe they aren't! As far as I'm concerned, somebody else can deal with it. Let that asshole Chalard worry about springing his own damn trap!"

The voices become incomprehensible once again as the two Grimleal move to the front of the house. They leave far quicker than they arrived, their voices fading into silence. None of us dare move until we can't hear a trace of them anymore. Once we're sure they've left Gaius and I collapse in relief, gasping for breath we hadn't realized we were holding. Lon'qu remains standing next to us, but takes his hand from the hilt of his sword to steady himself against the wall.

"Holy shit, dude." I wheeze.

"Holy shit!" Gaius nods slowly in agreement, shoulders heaving.

"We need to be more careful from here out." Lon'qu mutters. "We should never have allowed the situation to get so dire."

"That was being close one, yes!" Gregor proclaims, head poking back over the wall. It would look almost comical if his expression wasn't so grim. "But we are not out of the dangerous spot yet. Should be making with the moving now!"

"Right…" I say, getting back to my feet. "Right. Let's go to that hiding spot of yours, Gregor."

Then maybe we can figure out just how fucked we are.

* * *

 **Looking at support conversations, it's made kinda clear that Gregor is not a man to be fucked with. His support conversations with Lon'qu make it clear that he's way beyond what most of the Shepherds have reached in combat power. He acts like a lighthearted goofball, but I could easily see him being the most powerful member of the Shepherds, at least at the point he joins them. You don't take on Basilio in a duel without being one of the biggest badasses around.**

 **Next time I get to write a scene that I've been looking forward to for a long time. And for once, I'm not talking about inflicting emotional damage! It's going to be a fun one people, so look forward to it!**

 **Come join the Fanfiction Treehouse!**

 **discord .gg/9XG3U7a**


	34. Chapter 32

**This chapter is brought to you by Lady Gaga, and a metric shitload of the fastest flamenco music I could find. Hope you're all ready for a wild ride!**

* * *

Tensions in the empty house we're hiding in run high. Lon'qu is watching restlessly out the window, peering through a gap in the curtains. Vaike is pacing nervously further back, rushing back and forth in front of the fireplace. I sit at the table with Gregor and Nowi, flipping idly through my spellbook, staring at the few pages I've managed to fill. Nowi leans over to watch on occasion, kicking her feet idly, but her expression is pensive. Only Gregor seems unbothered, leaning casually back in his chair as we wait for news.

A light knock comes at the door and Lon'qu hurriedly opens it to let Gaius in. "Bad news, everyone." He says gravely as he lowers his hood and dusts himself off. "That lady wasn't kidding. The outskirts of town are crawling with Grimleal now. I can't take two steps without running into one of the cloaked bastards. We're caught in a net, no mistake."

"Damn." I sigh. "I thought this was going too smoothly."

"So what now?" Vaike asks, pausing in her pacing to look over at us worriedly. "Can we just wait and sneak out when it gets dark? It's not too long until sunset, right?"

"Dark doesn't do us enough good if we don't have any cover." I shake my head. "The Grimleal is full of spell casters, remember? If they spot us making our escape we'll be sitting ducks for them to fling dark magic at."

"I don't suppose you know of any good routes out of town that could give us some cover?" Gaius looks to Gregor hopefully. "A drainage ditch or something?"

"If Gregor knew of such a thing, Gregor would have been heading for the hills long ago!" The mercenary scoffs, staring thoughtfully up at the ceiling.

We bounce ideas off each other for a while longer, but fail to come up with anything useful. Finally, Gregor, still lounging in his seat, makes a comment beyond shutting one of us down. "Perhaps we should be asking Grimleal how to be leaving."

I stare flatly at him for a moment, about to ask him what the fuck he's talking about, when I notice the sly gleam in his eye. The connection is made a moment later. "Lon'qu, remember what you were saying earlier? About transportation?"

"I remember. Did you think of something?" Lon'qu looks over at me in interest.

"How do you suppose the Grimleal got here?" I ask with a smirk.

"Ha!" Gregor claps his hands excitedly. "Now you are with the proper thinking! Come, come! Gregor has idea."

The path Gregor takes us on is a winding one. He seems to know easily where the Grimleal will have their people waiting, and the best way for us to avoid them. No hopping over walls this time thankfully; I doubt any of us want to take the risk I can safely pull that maneuver off again.

Finally, as houses give way to marketplaces and the oasis at the center of town is nearly in sight, Gregor climbs a ladder onto a rooftop. It takes him only a moment of peering over the edge of the roof before he deems the coast to be clear, and waves us hurriedly up. The roof is encircled by a short wall, and covered with boxes. Some sort of storage space, I guess.

We still have to keep our heads down, too many Grimleal keeping lookout from other rooftops, but Gregor's chosen position grants us a proper vantage point over the bulk of the Grimleal forces, and the center of town as a whole.

It isn't a pretty sight.

"Cripes!" Gaius hisses through his teeth, "They must have the whole town held up down there!"

The villagers are apparently not flourishing under Grimleal control. They've been assembled in the town center, seemingly forced to stand at attention while the Grimleal take their time scouring every inch of the place. The empty houses and streets suddenly make a great deal of sense.

"Gregor, how long has this been going on." I ask, watching as many in the crowd sway drunkenly in the heat.

"Several hours now, by Gregor's reckoning." The reply comes calmly, though I note that the warmth has left Gregor's eyes as he watches the mass of innocent people forced to stand in the blazing heat.

"What the hell?" Vaike snarls, barely able to restrain himself at the sight. "We've gotta do something! If this keeps up they're gonna die!"

"And we're going to do something." I reply, looking around the square. "We're going to get the hell out of here." Vaike whirls around at me angrily, but I cut him off. "Use your head, Vaike. We don't stand the slightest fucking chance of taking these guys on. We need the Shepherds, hell, probably the Feroxi Army if we're going to fight so many Grimleal."

"They can't wait that long!" Vaike protests, looking back to the civilians desperately.

"Then we make a scene while leaving."

The rest of us turn to Lon'qu, who stares out across the square resolutely. "Our chances of leaving quietly were already slim. If we draw their eyes to us, there is a good chance the villagers will find a chance to retreat indoors and recover."

"Gregor likes how you Shepherds are thinking." Gregor nods approvingly. "Now then, see near Oasis? That is being our way out of this place."

I follow his gaze and pause. The Grimleal seem to use a sort of cross between a wagon and a sled for traversing the sand, which is not what I expected, but certainly handy. What's really surprising to me though, is what they have pulling the damn things. They're large, plated creatures, roughly the size of wolves, with narrow bodies that gleam an off-white color in the sun. "Are those… lizards?"

"Oh, I know about those!" Nowi chimes in eagerly. "The Plegians call them axle dragons, because they get around by curling up and rolling around like wagon wheels! Grimleal use those crazy harnesses to hook them up to their sleds so they can get around the desert really fast!"

I stare blankly at her, an awed smile creeping across my face. "That is… just ludicrously cool."

"I know, right? They're a ton of fun, though they aren't much for conversation." Nowi then leans in, cupping a hand to her mouth and saying in a hushed voice, "Between you and me I don't think they're very smart."

"Hmm. I'll be sure not to mention that around them," I reply bemusedly, "We wouldn't want to hurt their feelings, after all."

"Right!" Nowi grins, oblivious to the bewildered looks Gaius, Lon'qu, and Vaike are giving her. Gregor just gives me a knowing wink when I meet his eyes. He's the only one other than me who knows what Nowi really is, and seems to have realized that I have an idea as well. I had considered leading the conversation in such a direction earlier, but decided against it. If anyone asks I'll just say I read about it. Honestly the whole 'steer conversations so I don't have to act oblivious' thing is getting really fucking annoying.

"Okay, so I think our best bet is to take a sled out of town as soon as possible." Gaius says, shrugging his confusion away. "I doubt any of us have what it takes to steer a high speed chase down these roads. Unless you've got some experience with these things, Gramps?"

"Gramps? Oi, Gregor is not being that old!" Gregor replies indignantly.

"Alright, my bad, I'll keep workshopping." Gaius sighs, looking rather put out. Guess he was fond of that one. "Seriously though, you know how to steer these things?"

"Gregor has never been driving one of these sleds before." He shakes his head, still looking somewhat annoyed.

"Let's have Lon'qu drive then." I shrug.

"What? Why me?" Lon'qu looks over with a frown.

"If none of us have any experience, then you're our best choice. We're going to be chased once we get moving, and you're the only one of us without a ranged option. I have spells, Vaike has his throwing axes, Gaius has knives, and… actually do you have something to hit from a distance Gregor?"

Gregor claps a hand to a pouch on his belt confidently. "Do not be worrying! This old merc is having many surprises."

"Well there you go, then." I shrug to Lon'qu. "I don't think your sword skills will be as useful in a situation like this. If they are, then it would mean we've already fucked up."

Lon'qu nods. "Sound logic. I'll do my best, then."

"Let's hurry." Vaike nods, creeping back to the ladder. "Sooner we go, the sooner we can get some reprieve for those folks down there."

The rest of us nod, and move to follow. Though as we start moving, I see a rather contemplative expression on Nowi's face. "Everything alright there?" I ask curiously.

"Hmm… maybe?" Nowi says uncertainly. "I guess I'm just worried things won't go to plan. Those Grimleal are really creepy. And dangerous."

"Don't worry about it." I shrug. "We've dealt with Grimleal before. And as far as plans go… well they never seem to work out when I'm involved. But I'm still standing here well enough. We'll get through this."

She nods, looking a bit cheerier. "Okay. I trust you guys. And if things go badly, I'll make sure to protect all of you!"

"We'll be counting on you." I reply seriously.

Though I still hold on to hope that we won't need a dragon's help to get out of this situation.

It's been a long, painstaking process getting within reach of the sleds. The trek involved creeping through a lot of empty houses, narrowly avoiding multiple Grimleal pursuers, and not one but two terrifying runs across empty streets as we desperately hoped the Grimleal wouldn't spot us.

But now, the better part of an hour later, we're in sight of our goal. A massive cluster of sleds left on one end of the town square, on the opposite side of the oasis from where the civilians are being kept. Apparently it took quite a lot of transport to bring enough Grimleal to take over the town; there have to be dozens of the damn things, and they're hardly small vehicles.

"Alright, we want the closest sled to the main road that's facing the right direction." I say quietly, scanning the abandoned vehicles that have been scattered haphazardly around the town center. "Let Lon'qu have some time to adjust before we have to start making tight turns."

"That would be best." Lon'qu replies tersely, apparently still unsure about the idea of being the one to drive.

"Over there." Gaius slaps my arm to get my attention and points. "That one on the far side is in the best position for us to ride out in a hurry."

"Naturally." I grumble. "Alright Gaius, you take the lead on this one."

Thankfully, once we reach the sleds themselves we're relatively safe. They're built about chest high, so we only have to duck our heads a little to stay in cover. Hell, Nowi doesn't have to duck at all. And the axle dragons, though still attached to the sleds, seem entirely content to ignore us.

The axle dragons grumble a bit as Gaius hops into the back of the sled, but otherwise remain calm. "What's this canvas for, you suppose?" He asks, looking at the thick layer of fabric on the sled's floor.

"Some sort of canopy to keep the heat off, I'm guessing." I reply, hauling myself up. "Leave it down, we don't want to be riding blind here."

"Can we bundle it up at least? I don't want to get tangled up when everything gets crazy." Vaike complains, staring at the fabric dubiously.

"…Actually that's probably a good idea." I begrudgingly admit. "Leave it near the front, if we get clear early enough we might want it."

Unfortunately properly removing the canopy from its holdings proves to be more trouble than its worth. After a minute or two of struggle Gaius and Vaike lose their patience and just start cutting it free, despite my protests. We still keep it, mostly because I'm feeling stubborn about the idea, and leave it in a pile on the sled which is promptly taken over by Nowi, who lounges on it like a sofa.

"Ready to go, Lon'qu?" I ask, looking to the driver's seat.

"This controls nothing like a carriage." Lon'qu grumbles, staring at a strange lever system attached to the axle dragons. "I have no clue where to begin."

"They gotta curl up before we can move anywhere." Nowi points out helpfully.

"Obviously!" Lon'qu snaps irritably, leaning away from Nowi's gesturing arms. "But I don't know which of these damned levers I should pull to make them do so!"

I'm starting to think this whole plan may be leaning rather heavily on the side of stupid. Five Shepherds all sitting around trying to figure out how a sled works, with Grimleal swarming around the square. Seriously, what the fuck were we thinking?

…

Five Shepherds.

"Hold the fuck on! Where the fucking fuck is Gregor!?" I snap in frustration, looking around anxiously.

"Who said that? Who goes there!?" A voice calls out from my left.

My palm slams into my face at top speed even as Vaike and Gaius tackle me to the floor of the wagon.

"Did they see us?" Vaike asks worriedly, pressing my head down with, in my opinion, far more force than necessary.

"You there! Get your hands in the air!"

"Nope." Gaius says quietly with a grimace. "Just Lon'qu, apparently."

Ah yes. The back of the sled has short walls to hide behind, but the driver's seat does not. Lon'qu is completely exposed.

"You know, I was hoping we could wait until we had started moving before getting the attention of the fucking Grimleal."

"Ah well," Gaius says, getting to his feet. "You know what they say…" He throws a knife off the side of the wagon. A gurgling cry can be heard a moment later, as Gaius looks down at me and shrugs. "No plan survives contact with the enemy."

"No plan at all, huh?" I muse, shrugging Vaike's arm aside. "I was starting to think it was just my own bad luck causing it."

"No plan survives contact with the Benemy!" Nowi exclaims cheerfully, causing Vaike to burst into laughter.

Gaius snorts, but puts what I'm starting to recognize as his 'business face' on as more Grimleal start shouting. "Right. You guys need to figure out the controls for this sled in a hurry. I'm going to take a quick look around for Gregor. If they start shooting at you all before either or both of us are back, just haul ass out of here. I'll just hide myself when things kick off."

He dives over the side of the sled and vanishes in an instant, and I immediately move up to sit next to Lon'qu. "Alright, how many levers are we dealing with here?"

Lon'qu makes a frustrated gesture in front of him. "Too many!"

I look the setup over. There's nearly a dozen levers. None of them are labelled. "What fucking moron designed this thing!?" I cry in disbelief.

"Would you stop yelling already!?" Vaike snaps from behind me.

"Vaike, maybe you haven't noticed, but the Grimleal are already coming!" I gesture to the hooded figures approaching across the square. "We've been very thoroughly noticed! It doesn't matter if I yell anymore!"

"And whose fault it that!?" He accuses.

"I am not dealing with this right now!" I yell. Situation's bad enough without having to lose an argument to Vaike of all people. I'd much rather focus on figuring out how-

An arrow suddenly thuds into the seat between Lon'qu and I, causing all four of us remaining in the cart to leap nearly a foot into the air. "Holy shit!" I exclaim in shock. In a snap decision I reach for the biggest lever I can find and give it a sharp pull.

The other end hits one of the lizards on the left, which snaps irritably back at me.

Nothing else happens.

"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING!" I exclaim in panic, ducking as another arrow flies by.

"That is not helping, Ben!" Lon'qu yells in answer, looking nearly as frantic as I'm feeling. The archer trying to stop us fires another arrow as Lon'qu is berating me, and he swats the offending projectile out of the air with his sword without looking.

"Is it okay if I drive then?" a voice cuts in during a brief lull in our argument.

All eyes turn to Nowi.

"…You can drive one of these things?" I ask incredulously.

"I think so." Nowi says, looking over the levers. "It's a little different from what I remember, but the fundamentals should be the same."

"Well why the fuck didn't you say something!?" I explode with frustration.

"Nobody asked me!" Nowi protests indignantly. "And I figured since you were all so serious about saving me I should give you a proper chance before stepping in."

My hand slams into my forehead yet again. She's totally right. We only asked Gregor if he could drive the sleds, not Nowi. "God damn it!" I groan. "Alright then Nowi, you have my blessing to get up here and save our hopeless asses!"

"Yay!" Nowi exclaims, clambering towards the driver's seat.

"No! Get back!" Lon'qu practically shrieks in panic. "Away with you, woman!"

"Lon'qu, this is _not the time for that!"_ Vaike snarls, grabbing the swordsman by the shoulders and physically hauling him into the back of the sled.

"Alright!" Nowi says, looking the levers over with a grin. "Most complicated part of driving this thing is poking the lizards so they curl up properly, so I never learned that part."

"Wait, doesn't that mean we're still fucked?" I gape in horror.

"It's fine, I've got my own system." Nowi's grin turns feral as she cracks her knuckles loudly. "You guys probably want to cover your ears for this part." She starts to take a deep breath.

I clap my hands to my ears just as Vaike and Lon'qu look over in confusion. "Cover our ears for what?" I see Vaike ask, as Lon'qu starts moving to copy me.

Unfortunately neither of them manage to react properly before Nowi roars. Not a cute little girl fake roar either. She goes full dragon. It damn near deafens me even with my ears covered, and is powerful enough to knock Vaike and Lon'qu flat on their asses. The axle dragons are scared shitless by it, and curl up immediately out of fear. Even the Grimleal pause for a moment, shocked into stunned silence.

I take my hands from my ears, head still ringing a little. There's a brief moment of blissful peace in the aftermath of Nowi's yell, as everyone in the town square seems to be processing what just happened.

Then everyone explodes into action at once. The handful of Grimleal heading our way are suddenly joined by every other one of them in the square, at least a dozen hooded bastards all running for us at once. The villagers take this as their cue to flee, and promptly run screaming from the unseen monster roaring in the town square now that nobody's keeping them there. Lon'qu and Vaike start drunkenly stumbling around in the back of the sled, trying to recover from Nowi basically deafening them.

And as Nowi starts prodding the sled into motion, Gregor vaults over the side in one smooth motion, grinning broadly at us. "Is it time to be making a disturbance already?"

"Goddamn it Gregor, where the hell did you go?" I snap back at him, probably louder than necessary since I'm only a little less deaf than Lon'qu and Vaike at the moment.

"Gregor decided to help little rolling lizards while you were getting ready." Gregor replies, completely shameless despite my irritation with him. He gestures back in the direction we came from, and I see at least a dozen axle dragons rolling away, eager to escape the dragon lady making a racket in the middle of town. "Gregor figured that things would go much smoother if these Grimleal are having less sleds to chase Gregor and friends!"

Palm, meet forehead. Oh what's that, you say you're already acquainted? Then you simply must take the time to catch up, I insist!

"That's a brilliant idea, Gregor. Really." I groan, rubbing at the increasingly sore spot on my head. "But since you didn't tell any of us beforehand, Gaius left to try to look for you!"

Gregor's smile drops in a hurry. "Oi! You are being right! Gregor has made terrible blunder! Now we are having to- GET DOWN!"

Gregor dives towards me, and I find myself thrown to the floor of the sled yet again. Just in time too, because a black orb of dark magic flies past where our heads would have been mere seconds later.

"Shit!" I snarl, scrambling back up. "Okay, that settles it. Nowi, you need to get us out of here, and you need to do it yesterday!"

"Okay!" Nowi's head nods so fast she practically seems to vibrate. Her hands start flying across the levers, and the axle dragons on our sled lurch into motion.

"But thief boy!" Gregor protests, looking behind us worriedly. "Gregor cannot be letting us with the leaving him behind because of mistake made by Gregor!"

"He's far less of a sitting duck than we are at the moment!" I reply heatedly, looking over to the Grimleal, who are either preparing more spells or practically on top of us already. "Nowi, we are way past out of time, you gotta speed this thing up in a hurry!"

"Working on it!"

Gregor grimaces, conceding the point, even as Lon'qu and Vaike catch on to what's happening and make their misgivings known. Up front I can see Nowi frowning deeply, clearly no more comfortable than we are. Were it not for her earlier promise to keep us safe she'd probably be hunting Gaius down herself right now.

It's fine though. Gaius is perfectly capable. One of the most capable Shepherds we have. Not like he's going to get himself… killed…

I suddenly find myself remembering the first real conversation I ever had with Severa.

" _The first was Gaius, during the first war in Plegia…"_

"GAIUS, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!" I bellow, panicking as I remember my daughter's recounting of the other timeline. We're already well off of the course that would have led to his death, but I suddenly find that my mind can't focus on anything else.

Gaius dies first. Gaius dies first. Gaius dies first.

The sled gets even faster. The Grimleal grow closer. Nowi is tugging at levers even as she glances over her shoulder for any sign of the thief.

"GAIUS!" I yell a second time.

"Cool it with the shouting, Chuckles! I'm coming already!" A voice calls faintly over the din.

Gaius emerges from the mess of sleds at the same time as we do, but on the opposite end. It looks like while he was looking for Gregor he wandered all the way back to the alley we first emerged from.

"Over there!" I point, probably unnecessarily. "Can we go pick him up?"

"Not without cornering ourselves!" Nowi replies. "The best I can do is meet him at the road over there!"

I make a big show of pointing in the direction she mentions and Gaius smoothly changes course to try and intercept us, sprinting as fast as he can manage. He's going to have to run like he's never run before if we're going to get him. The Grimleal are still too close for comfort, so Nowi has no choice but to continue accelerating.

Several of the Grimleal have noticed Gaius as well, and I see a group of them hot on his heels as he moves for the sled. "Covering fire." I mutter, grabbing my spellbook from my belt. I slap Vaike as I flick through pages and point in Gaius' direction. "We need to cover him!"

"I can't hear a damn thing you're saying!" Vaike yells back.

Gregor stands next to me in the wagon. A sudden whistling sound echoes in my ears. When I look up I see Gregor whirling a sling above his head. "Gregor will be covering for thief boy."

The stone howls like a banshee through the air as it leaves Gregor's sling, striking one of the Grimleal as fast as any arrow I've ever seen. The crack it makes as it smashes into the hooded man's head seems like it echoes nearly as much as Nowi's roar did, and the unfortunate bastard slumps to the ground on the spot, likely killed on impact.

"Ben should be dealing with spells now." Gregor says, guiding my head in the appropriate direction with one hand as he fishes another stone out of his pouch. "Gregor is professional, can handle a few Grimleal."

"Right…" I reply, mouth still gaping. I see one of the dark mages readying a spell and throw a weak thunder spell his way to disrupt him. Another echoing crack from behind me tells me the old mercenary is putting his experience to good use.

I'm still not sure if it's going to be enough though. We accelerate faster and faster, but more Grimleal are pouring into the square in pursuit of us by the second. I throw out spell after spell, but everywhere I look there's another caster preparing to blast us all to smithereens. And for every cart Gregor sabotaged, there's a good three or four still operational, many of which are already moving to pursue us.

We have kicked a fucking hornet's nest with this one. This is almost laughably extreme.

And for some reason my brain just started playing Americano by Lady Gaga in my head.

Good energy. I approve.

My foot starts tapping a beat on the floor and I accelerate my casting to match, throwing spell after spell into the pursuing mob. As I continue to drive them back, Gaius approaches out of the corner of my eye. The last of the Grimleal pursuing him falls to another sling stone from Gregor, and he moves to my side immediately to start hurling stones into the crowd chasing us.

"You're really fucking good with that thing!" I comment as Gregor shoots down another hooded figure.

"Gregor has much practise! Gregor is preferring sling to other ranged weapons. Is good for budget. Rocks are being much cheaper than arrows!" He gives me a cheeky grin as he reloads the sling.

"Well you're certainly getting your money's worth." I reply, leaning off the back of the sled as Gaius closes in.

"Gregor is always sure to do this with all things. Money, booze, weapons, Gregor always makes most of. Good life lesson for Ben, yes?"

"Absolutely." I grin, before reaching out to grab Gaius' hand, the thief finally getting within reach. "Come on you crazy bastard, let's get you on board!"

Gaius is exhausted, but has a triumphant look on his face as I haul him up to the edge of the sled. "Don't mind if I-" He pales suddenly. "Look out above you!"

I whirl around in shock to see what Gaius is panicking over. Looks like Nowi's steered us too close to the buildings, because one of the Grimleal just threw himself _off of a rooftop_ to attack us. The lunatic is screaming like… well, a lunatic, brandishing a knife as he falls from the fucking sky. Gregor leans back in the sled, narrowly avoiding the flailing maniac even as he leans dangerously far over the edge of the sled. As he wobbles though, he retaliates. The Grimleal has barely landed in the sled before Gregor's whirling sling smashes the stupid fucker in the eye.

I'm still struggling to pull Gaius into the now racing sled, so I can't do anything but watch as the Grimleal is sent staggering towards the others. Thankfully, while Vaike and Lon'qu may still be somewhat deaf, they're far from defenseless. Vaike doesn't so much as blink as the lunatic falls towards him, pausing in the middle of throwing an axe at one of our other pursuers to slug the dizzy attacker in the face. He's sent flying right back towards us, arm flailing about with the knife, and Gregor leans to the side almost casually, watching as the Grimleal hits the edge of the sled, drops his knife and tumbles over right next to me.

What Gregor failed to account for, however, is the fact that Gaius is still dangling off the back of this thing. So when this flailing lunatic falls off the back of the wagon, there's still ample handholds. "Chuckles!" Gaius yelps in a panic as the Grimleal starts dangling off of him. "A little help hee-aaaahh!" His head suddenly twists to the side as the hitchhiker grabs him by the corner of his mouth and tugs, his mouth stretched by the desperately scrabbling hands of the crazy cultist.

My mind races through options, but since the crazy guy is hanging off of Gaius' back I can't really do much with my sword that doesn't run a serious risk of hurting Gaius in the process. Same goes for my spells; the only spell I can cast that isn't likely to kill him is the damn temperature control spell.

Oh, hold the fuck on.

I cast the temperature spell. And Gaius shows that he continues to be a fucking heat sponge, especially after all the running he just did. His body practically explodes with vented heat, and the Grimleal roof-jumper is suddenly very interested in not touching Gaius anymore. He throws himself away from the sled screaming, hands suddenly looking very blistered.

I toss the spellbook aside and haul Gaius into the sled. He sits up, leans off the side, spits to get the taste of Grimleal fingers out of his mouth, and then flops down next to me. "Next time I'm staying with the sled." He mutters. "I don't care if it's Prince Chrom himself who goes missing, I'm not going through that again."

"That was ridiculous!" I agree, getting back up to start casting spells again. "Seriously, jumping off a rooftop like that. Who the fuck even does something like that?"

"Didn't you jump off a roof one time?" Vaike asks. "I coulda sworn Lissa said something about that."

"The Princess is a lying mischief maker!" I declare, retrieving my book.

Vaike opens his mouth to protest, then thinks on it a moment longer. "Actually that's kinda true, huh? So you didn't jump off a roof in Southtown?"

"No, that happened." I say, flipping through the book to some of the newer spells Miriel has been teaching me. "Unlike that amateur though, I killed the guy I landed on." I pointedly ignore the look Vaike and Gaius are giving me, focusing on my book instead. A nice El-fire perhaps?

"Is true, was very sloppy." Gregor sighs, shaking his head. "Noble art of roof-diving is being polluted by bad jumpers!"

"If you're all finished?" Lon'qu snaps, "We're about to crash and die here!"

I look ahead. The Grimleal are pouring onto the street near the exit of town, and seem to be crafting a barricade. "Huh, that could be bad." I muse. I look down at the freshly summoned fireball I'm holding. "Guess I know where this guy's going, then!"

The barricade is promptly blown the fuck up, sending several slower Grimleal flying, and Nowi steers us straight through the gap left in the wreckage. The sides of the sled scrape against smashed wood, and I see a cloaked person rolling frantically on the ground to put out the fire on their robes.

"Okay, that was satisfying." I grin, calling on another fireball. "Guys, I think I'm starting to see the appeal to this whole 'pyromania' thing!"

"Yes!" Nowi crows from the driver's seat! "A kindred spirit! Do it, Ben! Burn them all!"

I turn back to regard the sleds chasing us down the street. My grin becomes feral. "As the lady wishes!"

The Grimleal burn nicely. Must be the robes.

"Uhh, Chuckles?" Gaius asks nervously, looking up at me with bulging eyes. "You're, uhh, you're doing that thing."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Yeah, that! Cripes you freak me out sometimes!"

"Is good thing, thief-boy. Sense of humor on battlefield essential!" Gregor grins, clapping me on the back hard enough to jar me out of my laughing fit.

"I'm just taking the time to appreciate my handiwork!" I say, gesturing to the burning wreckage. "They're going to have a hell of a time chasing us through all that! Heheheheh…"

"Please don't start again!" Gaius begs. "I don't know if I can- CRIVENS!" He ducks as an arrow whizzes past his ear. "Aww shit, they're closing in on us!"

"Well, we can't have that, can we?" I whirl around, eyeing the cloaked figures starting to pop up along the rooftops on either side of the main road. "Nowi, how long until we're out of the fucking streets?"

"Like, thirty seconds?" Nowi muses. "It kinda depends on whether they blow us all up or not!"

"Can this thing go any faster?"

"Not if you want to keep blowing things up in the back!"

I muse on this for only a second. "I demand the best of both worlds! Gaius, hold my legs steady! Nowi, accelerate!"

Nowi starts cranking levers eagerly. "If you say so! Never been the responsible one in my life, so I'm not gonna start now! Let's do something stupid and dangerous! YEAH!"

It's at this point that my brain kinda switches off, and I just start going through the motions without thinking about them. I start to go through a sort of dissociation with myself, an out of body experience. Suddenly I'm not watching the rooftops for casters, or staring down the road at the rapidly growing exit to town. Instead it's like I'm floating in the air above the sled, watching as Nowi pushes the contraption harder, drives the axle dragons to increase the pace.

I can see Grimleal racing across the rooftops, converging on the road. I see Gregor whirling his sling, easily keeping his balance on his own even as Gaius struggles to keep me from flying out of the sled. And as the sled flies forward, I watch as I start casting.

If Miriel saw what I was doing she would lock me up with her theory books on proper spellcasting form for the better part of the next year. My motions are barely identifiable as the proper steps for casting an elthunder spell, mostly because of how fucking fast I'm going through them. To the untrained eye, it must look like a whole lot of ridiculous flailing. But that flailing is also sending bolts of lightning flying out every couple of seconds, so…

The last few dark mages in a proper position to cut us off start casting spells, and Nowi takes that as a cue to get crazy. The sled starts weaving back and forth as it races down the road, narrowly dodging explosions. Our intrepid driver has started cackling as she weaves around, even as a blast of dark magic tears a chunk out of the seat next to her.

"Holy shit, is that a fire wall?" I blink in shock, watching the dark mages erecting their final ploy to trap us in the city, a massive wall of black fire that reaches taller than the sled. The mage who casts it is old, withered looking, and has a mad gleam in his eyes to match Nowi's.

A clear case of unforgivable hubris, since Nowi's crazier than this punk by a long shot.

There's a cart resting on the ground near the fire wall. The wide sort with a single pair of wheels for dragging loads around on the main roads.

Nowi ramps it.

I repeat.

Nowi. Fucking. Ramps it.

The sled's twice as wide as the cart is, but the axle dragons are going too fast to care. There's a brief moment of weightlessness as the sled achieves liftoff, but in that time I realize it won't be enough. The lizards could probably clear this thing on their own, but the sled is going to drag us all back down into the fire.

I flip to the next page of my book without thinking, and prepare to cast a spell that I am not in any way properly trained for.

Arc level spells are technically supposed to be beyond me, at the moment. I'm not even supposed to have them marked in my book yet. But desperate times, and all that. Really, with my tendency to get into bullshit situations, how could I be expected _to not_ fill my spellbook with highly dangerous spells I haven't been tested for?

The arc-wind spell I cast hits the bottom of the sled, knocking it into the air with enough force to slam us back into the floor. For a brief moment, the sled is actually flying higher even than the lizards pulling it. It's enough to clear both the wall of fire and the mage who cast it.

The world slows to a crawl. The sled flies through the air, still led by terrified lizards who remain attached despite everything that's happened. Nowi is shrieking giddily like a lunatic, with a grin that seems unnaturally wide and filled to the brim with sharp fangs. Lon'qu has noticed this, and looks like he's about to run screaming from the vehicle, his worst fears about women suddenly confirmed. Vaike has a hand on Lon'qu's shoulder, and is using that as a brace to push himself up over the edge of the cart so he can swing his axe at the elderly dark mage below us. The dark mage is staring up at us uncomprehendingly, even as the axe comes for his face. Gregor crouches calmly next to me, loading another stone into his sling. Gaius is weeping. My brain is still playing Lady Gaga.

Then the world returns to the original, completely ludicrous pace it was moving at. The dark mage's head explodes as Vaike's axe tears through it. We feel another moment of weightlessness as the sled falls for a second time. My brain kinda overloads for half a second as we hit the ground in an explosion of sand, and by the time it's started processing again the sled is outside of town, Lon'qu is hauling Vaike back onboard, and Gregor is loading his sling again.

"Okay, we're out!" Nowi shouts, working the levers to get the axle dragons back on track without sacrificing too much speed. "Where do we go from here?"

"Which side of the town are we on?" I yell over the sound of explosions and my own internal soundtrack.

"The south end!"

"Well, our friends are on the north, so let's keep doing stupid shit in that direction!"

"Can do!" Nowi replies eagerly, grabbing a lever to her left and heaving it with all her strength. By the time she's told us all to hold onto something the sled is already balancing on one runner as it makes the sharpest fucking turn of my life. Not the most effective of warnings. I am suddenly sitting sideways, flailing to try not to fall off, with my arms almost skimming the sand below me.

"No Ben, You must be leaning this way, like Gregor!" A rough hand pulls me back, and I find myself with my back to the floor. To my right, Gregor leans casually next to me, resting his head on his hand. "Be with the weight thrown like so, and vehicle not be tipping, see?"

I have enough time to blink in confusion exactly once before the gravity shifts again and suddenly we have both runners on the ground again. I'm tossed around once more, and end up lying on my back next to Lon'qu. Gregor is already back to slinging stones like nothing has happened.

"Where the hell did he learn to do that?" I ask, feeling quite bewildered by this point.

"I doubt even he remembers anymore." Lon'qu grumbles, pulling himself back upright. "In the stories Khan Basilio has told me, Gregor has been travelling and fighting since before any of us were born."

"Yeah, that holds up." I reply, letting Lon'qu help pull me back to my feet. "I can't say that's even slightly surprising."

I look around to regain my bearings. Nowi is taking us on a wide loop around the town, so as to keep us a good distance away from those Grimleal still hoping to fire at us from the rooftops. Behind us the few sleds that were able to keep up with us through that crazy ride have fallen behind, unable to keep up with Nowi's driving for the moment.

Looks like we've got a moment of calm. Time to do the other important thing I'm supposed to be doing on this trip.

"Gonna send the emergency flares." I declare to the others, flipping to the right page of my spellbook.

It's a color-coded system devised by Miriel and Robin, which was then taught to Ricken and myself for communication on the battlefield. Of course, if the plan here had worked as Gaius made us think it would, I never would have needed to cast them at all, but obviously that didn't happen.

I skip right past the green one, for obvious reasons. Instead I send up blue, to represent an objective acquired, yellow, indicating a retreat, and red, indicating enemy pursuers. From the three signals, and the fact that they're fired out a significant distance apart due to our speed, I figure Robin should be able to put together a general idea of what's happening.

"Are you sure this is time to be making pretty colors?" Gregor asks uneasily, watching the magical lights hovering in the air behind us.

"Better now than too late." I shrug. "It's a bit of a double edged sword, I know, but if I don't do this there'll be no chance of getting backup if this goes to shit."

"What do you mean, a double edged sword?" Vaike looks over and scowls.

"The lights indicate the direction we're moving in, and our general speed." Lon'qu explains. "We've effectively communicated the enemy's objective to them better than they ever could."

"Yeah, but we definitely need the help at this rate." I reply. "Frankly speaking, the only reason we aren't all dead is the fact that we've probably broken the laws of physics at least a dozen times in the past five minutes."

"Not being Gregor's highest count, but still very good!" Gregor chuckles. "Okay, let's be meeting with Shepherd friends!"

"Well, I guess this is alright." Vaike frowns watching the sleds still chasing us in the distance. "Not like they'll be able to catch us at this rate. They're way behind!"

"Oh, they'll catch us alright." Gaius says, finally looking a little less shaky as he watches the town uneasily. "They've got plenty of options to cut us off. There's more than one road out of that town."

"They've already made use of them." Lon'qu points ahead. "Dust cloud approaching up ahead. Far too early for it to be a Shepherd."

"Alright." I move to the front of the sled and ready a fire spell. "Careful, Nowi. Let's try to make sure I get a clean shot."

Nowi nods seriously, expression far more intense than I would expect to see from her.

We ready ourselves anxiously as we see the other dust cloud getting larger. For a brief moment all we can hear is the constant hiss of sand beneath us, as the axle dragons toss it into the thin stretches of canvas placed on the rig to protect the driver. It's a steady white noise that undercuts everything now that we're in the desert proper.

"Steady." Lon'qu's voice cuts sharply through the moment of quiet. "They're approaching from behind that dune. Be ready to fire."

I grimace at the announcement. The approaching sand sleds are almost brutally quiet; I can't hear the enemy at all beyond vague shouting. I can only imagine that Lon'qu is tracking them by watching the way the dust clouds are moving, but I'm having trouble gleaning anything from that myself. Still, I should probably ready my spell all the same…

Apparently I'm a half second too late. Not that it really matters, since what erupts over the dune above us is not one, but four sleds, all packed to the brim with Grimleal. My spell is loosed just as they scatter above us, and as a result only one of them takes the brunt of the hit. The spell is hastily thrown, and erupts against the sled's rigging instead of the basket full of cultists.

The axle dragons seem to be very resistant to heat while curled up like they are, but the rigging is torn apart by my spell. The result is a sled full of Grimleal slowly sliding to a stop, as their axle dragons go careening off into the desert. They make their opinion of that very clear, hurling everything they can after us as we leave them behind.

"Ho!" Gregor comments, examining the array of bladed weapons now sticking out of the back of the sled. "This is being good axe!" He hurls it at one of the other sleds and hits the driver in the side of the head. The man's arms spasm against the levers, and his sled veers sharply into the sled next to his. There's an explosively loud crash, coupled with horrified and pained screaming as the Grimleal are tossed about like ragdolls. Gregor nods approvingly.

Oh hey, the music started again. My subconscious must be loving this shit.

"More sleds incoming!" Lon'qu roars, swatting a dagger out of the air with his sword. "Left side!"

"The one behind us has spellcasters!" Vaike yells as well. "Ben, get your ass back here and roast these bastards!"

"Shit!" I snarl, scrambling back to the rear of the sled as fast as I dare. It's far too late, unfortunately. The fucking dark mages are already about to fire. Gregor takes a shot with his sling, but apparently even the super soldier doesn't have perfect aim, because he hits the hood next to the mage he's aiming for instead. He snaps angrily in a language I don't recognize, but the meaning is obvious enough. I throw out a thunder spell as fast as I can, but the dark mages have already fired. My spell collides with one of the flux spells thrown at us, causing a massive explosion. The other is thankfully fired just a bit too low, colliding against the back of our sled instead of the people inside.

I stare blankly at the other sled, marvelling at what just happened, even as Gaius slaps at the burning wood of our sled with his cloak.

Did that just happen? Was that a coincidence?

This requires further experimentation. I ready my book and fire another thunder spell at the next spell to fly from the Grimleal casters. Another midair explosion. The wave of childhood memories that flow over me at the sight is overwhelming. It's just like the old cartoons I watched every afternoon.

"Oh my God, the Pokémon anime spoke truth!" I exclaim in shock, blasting another spell out of the air.

"The what?" Vaike looks back at me in bewilderment. "Did you finally lose it?"

"This is incredible!" I cheer, blasting another spell. "Look at that bang!"

"Err, Gregor is happy that Ben is being happy." Gregor looks over at me worriedly. "But perhaps Ben should be using spells for blasting Grimleal instead of making the explosions?"

"Oh!" I blink in surprise. "Right! Here, let me just," I throw out an arc-fire spell that blasts the sled and turns the sand around it to glass. "There. Sorry about that."

"I totally get it!" Nowi calls back, "It was the same for me the first time I learned how to blow stuff up!"

"Will you people focus!?" Lon'qu snarls in exasperation, pointing at the approaching sleds on our left. "They're practically on top of us!"

"This fire is not acting normal, guys!" Gaius says nervously, tossing aside his cloak as black flames creep across it. "I can't put it out!"

I look down at Gaius to see him backing away nervously from the black fire creeping across the tail end of the sled. Gregor stares at it with an expression of deep thought, then grabs his water skin from his belt and upends it over the fire. The water hisses as it evaporates. The fire isn't dissuaded in the slightest. "Hmm…" Gregor says, frowning intensely.

"Oh, that's a problem." Vaike comments, looking back at the fire with a frown.

"I hate to say it, but we might have to ditch the sled." I scratch the back of my head in puzzlement, watching the fire draw closer. "If this keeps up we're going to burn alive."

"They're about to hit us!" Lon'qu all but screams. "Why are you all ignoring me?"

"Lon'qu, we have a bit of a problem we're trying to deal with back here, could you stop yelling?" I wave at him dismissively, not really registering his words. "Think the canvas will be enough to smother this?"

"My cloak was a lot bigger than the fire when it was starting." Gaius shakes his head. "I think it might be a magical thing."

"That would be explaining the color." Gregor nods, thinking deeply. "Black is not normal look for-"

"What is wrong with you all!?" Lon'qu interjects furiously, getting our attention properly.

"Oi! We are trying to be doing the solving of a crisis!" Gregor snaps irritably. "What is making Lon'qu act with the snarling?"

"THE GRIMLEAL!" Lon'qu roars, gesturing angrily with his sword. The other sled sideswipes us to punctuate the declaration, sending us all staggering from the impact.

Oh right, those guys.

The Grimleal aren't much better than we are at weathering the collision thankfully, so they're sent stumbling as well. And as they fall over each other, Vaike bounces back to his feet, an inspired gleam in his eye.

"Oh, I getcha Lon, great idea!" He declares, running forward and jumping into the other sled. He lands on top of them just as they're starting to recover, knocking them about and tossing them bodily from the moving sled.

"Gregor agrees, Lon'qu is very impressive with the thinking!" Gregor laughs boisterously, clapping the swordsman on the back hard enough to send him staggering again. "Everyone else be joining with the Vaike, Gregor will follow with Nowi once is being safe!"

Gaius leaps nimbly across and cracks a Grimleal across the head with the pommel of his short sword, swiftly helping Vaike clear the new sled. I follow a moment later. Lon'qu is last, which is a bit weird since this was his idea. When I say as much his only response is to glare daggers at me. Probably embarrassed it took him so long to get up after hitting that sled.

The last Grimleal to get kicked off the sled is its driver, whom we promptly replace with Nowi. She adjusts the levers on the new vehicle, and I take the opportunity to blast the rigging of the axle dragons on our old one so they don't get caught by that evil fire.

"Alright, are we clear now?" I ask as Nowi picks up the pace again.

"I think so?" Gaius looks around nervously. "Hard to tell with all the dunes, but I don't see any more dust clouds…"

The Grimleal choose to respond to that tentative statement by rushing over the dunes behind us. There's half a dozen new sleds to contend with, all packed to the brim with people brandishing weapons and spellbooks.

"Shit!" Vaike cries out, reeling back in shock. "How'd they catch up without us seeing them coming?"

My mind races as the sleds approach. "They're using their casters!" I shout, pointing to the back of the nearest vehicle. "They've been stopping the dust they're kicking up with wind magic!" And that revelation gives me another idea. "So let's keep them busy with that trick, then!" I declare, flipping to my wind spells. I send a blast into the sand behind our sled, taking the cloud of sand we're kicking up and effectively tripling it in size and thickness. "Can't hit what you can't see, motherfuckers!" I cheer, blasting again to blind the Grimleal pursuing us.

"If you do that we can't hit them either!" Gaius protests, squinting into the dust cloud.

"Eh, Gregor is running out of rocks anyways." Gregor shrugs. "Can kill two, maybe three? Is being much harder to restock in moving vehicle than Gregor remembers."

"And I ran out of axes before we were even out of town." Vaike agrees. "Only brought three of them, and it's not like they return after I hit somebody with them."

Well shit, it's not like I can keep this up forever. "So, new plan?" I frame the question casually, but feel a jolt of panic as one of the sleds accelerates enough to emerge from the cloud and drive parallel to us. "Quickly!?"

"Nowi, slow us down and keep our course as straight north as you can! Ben, kick up the sand in front of us instead." Gaius calls in a panic. "That way we can blind them and also hide ourselves!"

"Might be approaching time to let Nowi be fighting as well." Gregor muses gravely, as I rush to follow Gaius' directions.

I hop into the driver's seat, thankful this one doesn't have a hole blasted in it, and turn to Nowi as I prepare the spell. "Are you capable of dealing with numbers like these? I have no idea what you can do once you bust out that magic rock of yours."

"You know about all that stuff?" Nowi blinks in surprise, staring at me wide-eyed as she slows the sled and plunges us into the sand cloud trailing behind us.

"I read a lot of books." I reply tersely, shooting a blast of wind far ahead to create more cover to drive into. "None of them really tell me what you're actually capable of once you get big and scaly though."

"Um, I'm not really sure either!" Nowi frowns. "This sort of thing doesn't actually happen to me very often. You'd think it would have after being alive for like, 1000 years, but…"

"1000 years and you've never been in a big fight like this?" I stare at her in shock for a brief moment before the sand flying about forces me to squint.

"I don't know a lot about what it means to be a Manakete, but I know bad things tend to happen when people find out about it." Nowi replies, a faraway look in her eyes.

"Okay, never mind then!" I wince, not expecting that conversational landmine. "Alright, big guns are out Gregor, any other ideas?"

If Gregor is confused by my use of a phrase from my old world, he doesn't show it. "Hmm. Pull up close to other sleds? Then we make with the stabbing!"

"That is a terrible plan!" Gaius exclaims in frustration.

"Not like we have a better one!" Vaike snaps back.

"Anything is better than running at sleds full of Grimleal over and over and hoping for the best!" Gaius replies, throwing his hands up in frustration.

"So Gaius is having better idea then?" Gregor asks, staring at Gaius expectantly. "If so Gregor is very much wanting to hear it."

As the three of them continue to argue Lon'qu approaches Nowi and I. "Ben. Just had a thought."

"What's up, Lon'qu?" I toss another wind spell and look back at him.

"You guessed earlier that they were smothering their dust trails with wind magic, right?"

"Seems like the most logical explanation, yeah." I nod, pulling my hood a little lower as the sand flies around my face.

Lon'qu nods gravely. "So what's stopping them from doing the same with yours?"

I ponder over the question for a moment. Then feel my heart drop into my stomach. "Now that you mention it…" I look around at the sand flying past us. "Wind's getting awfully strong all of a sudden, isn't it?"

"I suppose that answers my question, then." Lon'qu grimaces. "There's nothing stopping them at all."

"Shit fucking hell!" I punch the seat next to me and rise to my feet. "Nowi, accelerate. One last push, drive these damn geckos as fast as they can go! Roar at them some more if you have to, we need to cover as much ground now as we can!"

"Maximum recklessness, got it!" Nowi replies, grinning nervously.

I take Lon'qu's hand and let him help me back into the bed of the sled, wobbling unsteadily between the increasing speed and the steadily increasing wind. "Everyone brace yourselves!" I bark, scrambling to the back of the sled. "Cloud cover's about to be gone! Gaius, Gregor, get ready to use whatever ranged options you have left. We're going to need them!"

"Is being that time already?" Gregor sighs, loading his sling again. "Oh well, was fun ride while it lasted."

Gaius grimaces, grabbing a throwing knife. "Chuckles, if we live through this, remind me never to try to lead a mission ever again. I'll take pitched combat over this any day."

"Gaius, if you ever try to lead a mission again I'll kick your ass personally as a reminder of this day." I grin in response.

The wind is howling in our ears now, and the sand cover is growing faint enough that I can see the faint outlines of the Grimleal sleds. I open my book and get ready, knowing I'll have to start throwing fireballs like a maniac the moment I have a clear view.

The only warning I receive that the Grimleal lack the same patience is a faint glimmer of light in the distance, and a panicked yell from Gregor. Then the sand is blown aside by a tidal wave of black magic. Either the first few sleds just happened to be filled with their weakest members, or they've been seriously holding back on us.

I pull out the strongest spell I know. Arc-Fire. Miriel warned me if I used this before I was ready it could drain my energy fast enough to kill me. As half a dozen sleds full of Grimleal blast us with dark magic, I make the decision to cast it, and _sustain_ it.

There's a roar of colliding energy as fire meets shadow. My spell hits the black magic and is scattered in all directions, sustained by the continuous fire I'm pumping out. The result is a sort of dome of flame that stretches around the back of the sled as it's pushed aside by blast after blast of dark magic. The sound has no comparison to anything in this world. It's a lot like hearing an airplane taking off from point blank, a roar of rushing wind and energy that stays constant as I hold out against the bombardment.

My arms tremble from the power I'm channelling through them. A familiar ache in my throat makes it clear that at some point I've started screaming, though the noise of magic clashing with magic drowns it out. My body starts to slide back across the sled, only to be stopped by Vaike and Gregor, who I can see visibly straining to support me on either side. Gaius suddenly appears in view as I move backwards, pointing to something off the side of the sled.

Despite myself, I look in the direction Gaius is indicating. Another sled has pulled parallel to us. Their mages have already cast something. Gaius looks back at the rest of us, eyes wide with fear, but he knows as well as I do that there's nothing I can do at this point. Nothing any of us can do.

The sled seems to jolt beneath us. Gaius is thrown into me as his side of the sled explodes. My casting is stopped as his body knocks my arms aside.

There's another sudden jolt, then the back of the sled explodes. Suddenly I'm flying through the air. The only one with me is Gaius, who I seem to have grabbed at some point after he crashed into me. The sled is gone, though I see scraps of wood hurtling around me. No sign of the others, though with the way I'm spinning I have little chance of focusing enough to see anything.

I hit the ground on my back and skip, sand flying around me to join all the wood. The second time I land I feel a burning pain which signals to me that my desert clothing has been shredded. Then I land a third and final time and feel my back dragged across the sand by my momentum. I start to tumble, and lose my grip on Gaius.

My head spins as I come to a stop. I see blue sky above me, the sun burning down against my face. I hear screaming coming from somewhere nearby, but my head is swimming too much to tell where.

After a moment or two of lying on my back, the nausea finally catches up with me. I vomit a little, start choking, and frantically force myself to roll over so I can puke my guts up properly. I rest on my hands and knees a moment as I puke up what's left of my breakfast. When I try to wipe my mouth I find I don't have the strength to balance on one hand, and fall to my elbow. Then have to rub a few times more to get rid of the sand I just smeared all over my face.

What the fuck happened? Where did everyone go?

I look up blearily, trying to see the others. Gaius is next to me, though the way he landed makes it difficult to tell how he's doing. His shoulders are shaking, so he's probably not in great shape. The only other people I can see are part of a sled full of Grimleal, stopped a distance away. Several of them have already left the sled and are approaching me. The rest are watching warily from a safe distance.

Then a few of them look off to the side. One of them points and says something. The lot of them suddenly move to scatter. The few Grimleal who dared to go after me look back just in time to see the sled explode. They watch in horror as a large gold and green dragon falls from the sky and tears apart a Grimleal who got off the sled in time to escape the brunt of the blast. Then the dragon turns to face the others.

The closest of the Grimleal who were coming for us whirls away from the dragon and turns to face me. He draws a knife and rushes towards me, apparently intent on finishing the job before Nowi can stop him. Nowi realizes his intent and rushes in my direction, trying to catch him before he can do anything with the knife. She can't use her fire without risking my safety.

I stare helplessly up at the sprinting cultist, willing my body to move. My body is like lead though. Arms can't do much more than hold me off the ground. Nowi swats aside the other Grimleal in her path and hurls herself into the air to try to close the gap faster. The cultist has a pretty significant lead though. He'll definitely have enough time to bring the knife down at least a couple of times before she can stop him.

Fortunately for me though, there's somebody else who's more able to intervene than Nowi. Chrom explodes into view before either myself or the cultist really register it, and the cultist is suddenly sent tumbling to the ground in pieces. The prince whirls away from me to face the approaching dragon, but hesitates when Nowi returns to her human form. She entirely ignores him, and myself as well, running to Gaius' side.

Chrom pales as he looks past me towards the thief, and I feel my blood go cold at his expression. Suddenly the source of the earlier screaming is made startlingly clear. He must be in even worse shape than I thought. I scramble in the sand, dragging myself to face the other direction, and see Nowi rolling Gaius onto his back.

It's not pretty. The explosion that tossed him earlier seems to have torn him up pretty badly. His chest is a mass of burns, and I can see bits and pieces of wood sticking out of him. He's stopped screaming, a terrible sign given his state, and is gasping for air, eyes barely open as he struggles to stay conscious.

Chrom stops to my left, then bellows into the distance, "WE NEED A HEALER OVER HERE, NOW!" After a moment his hand comes into view. "Ben, can you stand?"

"Maybe?" I rasp uncertainly, taking Chrom's hand shakily. When he drags me to my feet my knees immediately buckle, and I collapse into his shoulder. "Okay, looks like that's a no."

"Any medical problems I need to know about?" Chrom asks, looking me over worriedly as he props me up.

"Don't think so?" I reply faintly. "Pushed it too hard with the magic. Dizzy as fuck. Back's probably bruised to hell. Other than that?" I pause to spit the taste of bile from my mouth. "One of my better days."

Stahl appears suddenly at my side, and takes my weight off of Chrom, careful to avoid the area where my clothing was shredded by sand. A moment later Maribelle rushes past me, kneeling next to Gaius and immediately going to work.

"I've got him, Chrom." Stahl says. "You go find Lon'qu and Vaike."

"Gregor." I cut in. "A mercenary. He helped us escape. Older fellow, red hair, odd accent."

"I'll find him." Chrom nods, clapping me on the shoulder. "Rest for now, Ben. We'll handle the rest." He's gone a moment later.

Around me the other Shepherds start to appear, rushing past me to enter the fray. Many of the Feroxi soldiers are there as well, most looking red from heat and exhaustion, but eager to fight. No doubt Khan Flavia sent some volunteers ahead to help out. Lissa stops to help with Gaius, falling in next to Maribelle without a word. And Cordelia pauses next to me for a moment, placing a hand on my arm and looking me in the eye. I give her a smile and a weary nod, and she nods and rushes off with the others, seemingly content to see me in one piece.

"I guess my job here is done." I say, still feeling somewhat disoriented.

"From what I've seen, you've done plenty." Stahl chuckles. "You need anything?"

"Water would be good." I reply. "Think I lost my canteen when I got tossed from the sled…"

Stahl lets me sit down to rest and hands me his water. "Here, you need this far more than I do at the moment. Anything else?"

I drink greedily, and fix what's left of my cloak. Most of it is gone, but the hood provides a welcome bit of respite from the desert sun. A part of me wants to cover my back as well, but I figure that should wait until it's been checked. And Gaius needs to come first. Speaking of which, "How's Gaius? He going to be okay?"

"He's badly injured, but not beyond repair." Maribelle says firmly, leaning over the thief and pointedly ignoring Nowi's anxious hovering. "You needn't worry; I'll see to it the fool survives."

"Well shit." I sigh in relief. "Guess I'm completely useless now. Think I'll take the time to just pass out then."

"Go ahead and rest." Stahl chuckles, patting me gently on the back. "Chrom and the others will take things from here."

I take him up on that, and let my exhaustion claim me.

* * *

 **Yeah... might have gotten just a bit carried away by this one. Original goal was to include another scene after this one, but I was having a bit too much fun with the chase scene, so... here we are. 10K words of nonsensical action. I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!**

 **discord .gg/9XG3U7a**


	35. Chapter 33

**Before we begin, I want to take the time to say I hope everyone is staying safe with all that's going on right now. If there's anyone out there reading this who has been participating in the protests going on at the time of posting this chapter, know that you have my full support. Stay safe, and continue to fight for what you believe in.** **You deserve better. So m** **ake them do better.**

* * *

It's dark when I wake up, and to my surprise I seem to have been moved into an actual room. Haven't been in a real building since we left Ferox. What's more, I seem to be in a real bed as well. This is a night for luxuries, isn't it?

I've been laid on my stomach, but when I stretch out experimentally I find that my back is no longer in pain. Lissa or Maribelle must have healed me up at some point. And they are probably quite thankful that it didn't take anything extensive. I imagine I'm starting to gain something of a reputation. As it is though I've been left with nothing but a nice bed and a basin to wash up in.

I look around the room for a moment to see if there's anyone nearby, but the room seems to be empty for the moment. That being said, I do hear conversation elsewhere in the building, and there's a faint light from under the door. I feel much better than I did when I passed out in Stahl's arms earlier, so I figure I might as well investigate.

There's definitely a problem with that though. I'm dressed only in a pair of trousers at the moment, and there's no sign of a shirt in sight. The clothes I was wearing were probably shredded by that final tumble in the sand (making me very glad I wasn't wearing any of my stuff from earth). And nobody seems to have thought to bring a spare.

In a lot of ways my issues with taking my shirt off around other people have changed for the better. I used to despise the idea, back when my weight was an issue. Unlike what apparently happened with my alternate universe self, I seem to have rather thoroughly rid myself of the gut I had when I first arrived. That feeling of disgust I always used to have when I stared at my body for too long in the mirror has all but vanished as I became, objectively speaking, totally jacked.

…And yet it was replaced by an entirely different and only marginally better set of body image issues. The gut is gone because I was all but starved for a solid month, and actually starved for two weeks after that while I was on magical life-support. So not being fat anymore is accompanied by its own sense of shame at the extreme methods that proved necessary in slimming down. And of course, I still have thick cords of scar tissue covering my torso and arm which never fail to draw attention those few times I can't manage to get time alone to bathe.

So yeah, walking out into a potentially crowded room without a shirt on is still a far from appealing idea to me. If I could I'd skip it altogether, but I really do want to find out what's happening. Get some news on how everyone else is doing. Eat something, because I haven't had much of anything to eat since breakfast this morning and had a whole lot of strenuous activity after that. So I guess I'll just have to suffer the discomfort and head out there.

…Need to take care of some, let's say… pressing business first though.

Thankfully all my time exploring with the others earlier today is enough that I'm able to guess more or less where I am. Pretty sure this is a large tavern not far from the square, if I'm recognizing the scenery outside my window correctly. Which means my destination shouldn't be very far at all.

I open the door to my room cautiously, not wanting to draw attention just yet. Seems to be a long hallway, with a couple rooms for storage and the like. And one lone door opposite those storage rooms leading out the back of the building. Just what I was hoping for. I move away from the sound of merrymaking out in the main tavern, and head out the back.

From there it only takes a few brief turns for me to find my destination: the outhouse. Probably could have found a closer one if I asked somebody, but with all the noise everyone is making I'm sure they'd keep me trapped for hours if they found out I'm awake. There's a great many Shepherds who put partying above common sense. And the Feroxi tend to somehow be even worse.

A few minutes later I conclude my business and start to make my way back to the tavern, looking to grab a bite to eat and get some news on how today's disaster of a mission wrapped up. Before I can return to the tavern though, a noise catches my attention. Wings.

I look around in the direction the sound came from, but see nothing there. The streets behind the tavern are empty at the moment. Rooftops, maybe? But no, there's no sign of anything there, either. A wyvern rider seems unlikely, since our presence in this town means the Feroxi army will have posted guards, and it's a very bright night between the moon and the desert sands.

Maybe I just heard a Griffon? The Feroxi army is using a ton of them, after all. I turn back to the tavern door, ready to head inside and greet the others already.

Wings start flapping again, almost frantically. I hear a croaking call from behind me. I look back again and this time I'm able to spot the source: a lone crow perched on a wall top nearby.

"Oh, hey there little guy." I blink in surprise. The crow hops about a little bit on its perch, looking almost pleased to have caught my attention. Very well might be, I suppose. Crows are incredibly smart animals, after all. Part of why I've always liked them. And this one is an absolute beauty.

I approach the crow slowly at first, deciding to see how much leeway I can get with its attention on me. After a few cautious steps with the bird's only reaction being a sort of expectant look, I quicken my pace a little. Just as I get within arm's reach though it flies away, landing further down the wall. It stares at me with that same look once more, and I realize: this bird wants me to follow.

And I, knowing full well the sort of folks in this world who have an affinity for crows, decide immediately to follow.

The past 24 hours have made it abundantly clear that Severa's absence at the moment is something of a blessing, because if she were here to see me she'd probably kill me. Running shirtless through a Plegian town in the middle of the night, chasing a crow… hoping to meet a dark mage with a penchant for murder.

But it's only right I go to speak with him. After all, I was the one who wrote the letter.

By the time the crow comes to a stop I've run half the length of town. I'm pretty much a complete wreck by then, being still on the mend after the chaos from earlier today, and really wishing I'd grabbed something to eat before chasing crows around in the middle of the night. I find myself standing wearily in an alleyway, hidden away from the moon.

The darkness here is stifling, covering everything in an inky blackness that runs so deep I can barely even see my own hands in front of me. The street I entered from is more like a ghostly image of a town than anything concrete, with streets bathed in a pale, faint glow. Up ahead of me there is a similar effect, making the alleyway seem abandoned by life and light itself. A bit dramatic, perhaps, but the mood really is quite creepy.

The only clue I have that I've reached the right place is the murder of crows perched here. The single crow I followed was part of a very large family, it seems. They stand sentinel along the edge of the rooftops, the walls, and even the crates scattered about. The shadows seem to rise around them, shrouding them in darkness save for the gleam of sharp beaks and watchful eyes. They shine in the dark alley, the only visible thing within this pitch darkness, like a sea of stars floating in the shadows.

"Eesh…" I look around uncomfortably. "I like crows more than the average person probably does around here, but this might be a bit much for my comfort level."

A sharp peal of laughter rings throughout the alleyway, seeming to come from everywhere at once. "Aww, what's the matter? Are my friends caw-sing you trouble?" A figure rises out of the darkness in front of me, identifiable only by the silhouette they cast against the distant street behind them. "Nya-ha-ha! I would have expected somebody with a nickname like 'The Butcher' to have more backbone!"

"I'm still here, aren't I?" I reply, watching the shadow warily.

"Yes… I suppose you are!" The voice continues to echo. "That's a good point, most people would have run away screaming by now."

"Glad to hear you agree." I grin nervously. "After all the trouble I went to getting in contact with you, I'd hate to hear I had disappointed you so soon."

"No kidding! If I came all this way just to find out you were some kind of bore, I'd have been really upset! I don't know what I'd do…" The silhouette seems to twitch in front of me.

"So… I've passed your test?" I squint suspiciously. "You're not going to try anything… shady."

"Shady? You mean… like this?" The shadow twitches again, and I slide into a ready stance in case he's about to try something. Before I can even think of doing anything though, the shadow suddenly explodes. I stare in shock for a moment before a flurry of falling feathers reveals what happened. I was never facing a person, it was just more crows the whole time! How the fuck did he even arrange that!?

The laughter begins anew, this time accompanied by the raucous cawing of dozens of crows. The air is filled with noise, and I feel myself growing nervous as I look around to try to find where the source of the voice really is. My clue comes too late for me to react, in the glow of a spell from behind me. I whirl around just as a ball of fire is summoned into being, revealing the speaker finally.

Henry of the Grimleal, one of the most talented dark mages in Plegia, and by far the most unhinged. My first thought: he's young. Younger even than I would have expected. I suppose that's because I'm seeing him a full two years sooner than his first appearance in the game. He looks to be about Donnel's age at the moment. Though that's rather hard to say for sure since I'm gauging this based on what little I can see in the firelight.

Unlike in the game, his eyes are already open fully, gleaming sharply in the dark. His frame is small, but he still seems to loom out of the darkness. The fire cupped in his palm dances merrily, bright enough that the moonlit street behind him seems to fade until all I can see is the slasher grin that stretches almost unnaturally wide across his face, framed by almost ghostly wisps of white hair.

My hands snap up as I see the fire cupped in his hand, and the faint purple glow of the tome he holds at his side. Apparently he's more interested in entertainment than conversation at the moment. Alright, if I can dodge the first shot I should be able to pin him for long enough to make him listen. That is, provided the crows don't attack me. But if the crows do decide to attack then my chances of survival are literally zero. I'll be demoted to an extra in a Hitchcock film before you can say 'Bodega Bay'.

To my surprise though, rather than throw the fireball at me, Henry simply nods in approval. "There, much easier to talk when we can see each other, isn't it?"

I nod hesitantly, still watching uneasily as Henry grins at me. "Oh don't get all worked up. I'm not going to just kill you without hearing you out first. I may like killing, but I'm not _uncivilized!"_ He pauses at that, thinking to himself. "Well, not completely. Nya-ha-ha!"

I lower my arms, trying to force my body out of fight mode. "Right… Sorry about that." I give a smile that I don't at all feel. "Had more than a few close calls with Dark Mages today. I'm sure you understand."

"I do!" Henry nods eagerly. "That was a ton of fun! I was curious to see how you'd get out of that situation, but I never expected all that! The sled, and the yelling, and those spells! I thought you'd just start cutting them up!"

"The magic is a new trick." I shrug uncomfortably. "Cutting people is still what I'm best at. Spells are useful when they're all clumped up like that though." Also because the cutting still makes me feel very uncomfortable, but I feel like Henry wouldn't appreciate hearing that.

"They are! And that old guy was really good with the rocks! I swear he made somebody's head explode! Just, POW, and there was brains all over the guy next to him. It was amazing!"

"That must have been a sight." I reply, nodding slowly.

"One of the best deaths I've ever seen!" Henry grins eagerly. "That whole chase was great, especially the part where your friends came and chopped all the Grimleal to pieces! It was so brutal!"

Brutal is a word for it. And Henry's eager recounting of events reminds me that I still don't know how Gaius and the others are doing. I passed out before I had a chance to find out what even happened to Vaike, Lon'qu, and Gregor. And who knows if Maribelle's stubbornness was enough to really save Gaius. He was in such rough shape earlier…

I think it's time to stop being friendly (whatever passes for 'friendly' with this kid) and get to business.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that my efforts today proved adequate entertainment to you." I nod curtly. "And glad to see you finally. After all this time I thought my letter might not have reached you."

"Oh, it reached me!" Henry's grin takes on a dangerous aura as he tilts his head, regarding me out of the corner of his eyes. "I'm very curious how you knew I could be reached through General Mustafa, by the way."

A few scraps of dialogue I remember from the game, that's how. "I did my research." I shrug. "Enough to learn a thing or two about you, and know that you're exactly the sort of man I need."

"Wow!" Henry gasps in genuine awe. "I read it in your letter, but I didn't really believe it. Ben the Butcher wants my help! I can't believe it! When I saw your title at the bottom of that message I got so happy I thought I was going to explode!" He throws his hands up into the air enthusiastically in demonstration.

And this, right here, is why I decided to send a letter to Henry. In order to make this shitty plan of mine work I need a capable ally. One who can be where I need them without raising questions. One whose actions are often overlooked. One who preferably has no ties to Ylisse or Regna Ferox.

Out of everyone I thought of, Henry was the most obvious choice. His attitude is twisted enough that he can act as eccentric as he wants without drawing suspicion. His loyalty is, thanks to my knowledge of this world, already known to be tenuous at best. And most importantly, I had very strong suspicions that I could use that fucked up reputation I've gained to draw him in. Plus, his only known friend in all of Plegia is General Mustafa, who I recall to be one of the more honorable men in all of Plegia. Which means contacting him has considerably lower risk than it would be trying to draw anyone else in, ironically enough. Whatever connection Mustafa has to Henry I'm fairly confident he won't do anything to put the kid's life at risk, and that certainly includes reporting on mysterious letters from known enemies.

My second choice would have been Laurent, but I'm not sure how to get in contact with him, and he's far too close to Lucina. Even if I could convince him to go along with my plan (something I'm by no means confident in as is), she would never approve. Hell, she'd hate this plan even if she didn't have a mysterious grudge against me.

Yeah, that's another big point in Henry's favor. A nearly complete absence of morality. He's a sadistic psychopath who kills for pleasure. The sort of person who isn't likely to give a shit about even the most fucked up parts of my plan. That removes one of the bigger difficulties in carrying out a fucked up scheme. It can be difficult as hell to find somebody capable and willing to help make it happen.

So now I need to get Henry on board. "I see my reputation precedes me."

"Oh yes, I've heard all sorts of stories." Henry nods eagerly. "The time you massacred a hundred slavers in Ferox! Or that you killed the High Priest of the Grimleal single-handedly during the attack on Ylisstol! The survivors from today are already talking about that thing you did with the fire."

"And no doubt it will be exaggerated to a similarly ludicrous extent before long." I roll my eyes, more annoyed with the rumors at this point than anything. "Let's get something clear here, Henry. Most of the stories about me are complete horse shit. Blown completely out of proportion. I barely killed 30 men in Ferox, and only killed a couple of that High Priest's guards at most. The Priest was killed by a Taguel named Panne."

"Oh! I know her!" Henry exclaims in excitement.

"That's lovely to hear." I reply, quickly cutting him off. "But completely beside the point. What I'm trying to say is this: I am not some monster. I'm just a regular human being. Granted, one who seems to be better at living through horrific injuries than most." I gesture to the mess of scars clearly visible on my naked torso. Henry gasps appreciatively as he leans in to examine them, far closer than I'm really comfortable with.

A very mixed blessing it is that I have more important things to worry about than my body image problems right this minute.

"So…" Henry says slowly as he stares almost hungrily at my scars. "Are you saying you don't want me to help you kill people?"

I hum thoughtfully, trying to think of the best way to put this that won't put him off the idea. "Well that's not the goal of the mission, no. I'm not particularly fussed about collateral, mind you, but-"

"What is the goal?" Henry interrupts me, eyes sharp. I suddenly feel like I'm staring into the mouth of a predator. Until now I knew that Henry was a dangerous killer, but it's only as he gives me this intense stare that I feel the full weight of the danger I'm in. I feel like he's testing me. And if I fail he won't hesitate to kill me for so much as a second.

"Well, not long from now, King Gangrel of Plegia will be holding a public execution of Exalt Emmeryn of Ylisse." I say, not really expecting Henry to pay much attention to the politics of… well anything, really. "My aim is to save her life."

Henry's face twists sharply in distaste. "What?"

"Her death is going to bring about the end of the war!" I say quickly. "If things go unchanged, Emmeryn will die, and the war will end shortly after."

"And you want to save her." Henry replies, looking thoughtful. "And if you do that the war will be longer?"

"It's certainly possible." I reply, keeping my face straight. It's definitely possible… if we fuck this up.

Henry frowns, staring me in the eye. The fire in his hand jumps erratically, seeming to react to his mood. For the briefest of moments I swear I see a purple tint to the light of the flames. After the briefest of instants the fire is blazing a merry golden light again though, and I find myself wondering if I was imagining things.

Henry laughs cheerfully as I stare at his flame suspiciously. "Spooked you, huh? Don't worry, I'm still not going to kill you. I was definitely thinking about it though!"

My mind is racing through combat scenarios as I watch carefully. If he does become hostile, the best I can realistically expect is a tie, what with me being unarmed at the moment. And unlike me, he'll play for keeps if it comes to that. My eyes snap back to his face. "Were you now?"

"Sure!" Henry says, tilting his head and shrugging, "You were lying to me, after all. Can't be friends if you're not being honest. You don't want the war to go on any longer, I can tell. You're trying to end it!"

"I'm not looking to end the war, per se." I reply, mind racing. "The war doesn't need my help with that. If things carry on like this The Exalt and her brother will deal with that themselves."

Henry hums thoughtfully, peering closely at me. "You really believe that, huh?"

"I do." I shrug. "Which is why ending the war isn't my goal. Like I said, I'm looking to make sure Emmeryn survives to see the war ended."

Henry thinks on that for a while, then waves dismissively. "Eh, not my thing."

"You're not interested?"

"Oh, I'm interested. I still want to see what kind of crazy plan Ben the Butcher comes up with! But if it means stopping somebody from dying…" Henry chuckles. "That's pretty much the exact opposite of what I like doing."

I nod grimly. "I'm well aware. I didn't come to you because I thought you'd like this job. I came to you because I know you'll be good at it." I walk forward slowly. "Naturally, that means I'm not feeling inclined to take no for an answer at this point. So tell me… what do you want?"

Henry blinks at that. "You're… bargaining?"

"I am."

He frowns. "Not going to threaten me?"

"Are you even capable of fear?"

He's starting to look notably put out. "Not even a little bit of torture? Break my legs, maybe? That could be fun!"

"That would be counter-productive." I reply, starting to feel somewhat uncomfortable. "I'm going to need you in one piece for my plan to work."

"Could you at least smack me around a little? I was hoping if I didn't cooperate I might get to see you do some butcher stuff to me!" Henry pouts.

"Dude, that's really weird." I grimace. "I liked it better when you were threatening to kill me. Seriously, just tell me what you want already."

I'm expecting him to ask me to do something unspeakable, of course. Considering the incident that made him interested in me in the first place, it seems like the natural direction for this to go. Some sort of re-enactment of Kidnapper's Keep, perhaps. Probably going to take some time to haggle him away from demanding another crime against humanity from me. Even if I wanted to commit murder for him (which I sure as shit don't), I still doubt I'm capable of doing anything too violent without having a minor breakdown over it. Spells have the benefit of distance, but I somehow doubt Henry is interested in seeing me do something he can do far better.

"Can I have some time to think about it?" Henry asks suddenly, interrupting my thought process.

"Come again?" I frown in confusion.

Henry is looking unusually pensive. "I'm not sure what I would want from you for something like this. If I'm going to ask you for something, then I think it should be something special!"

"Huh…" I stare at him curiously, then shrug. "I mean, sure, I guess. As long as you get back to me before I've reached the capital, I can work with that. Though…" I frown, rethinking things quickly. "Actually, the faster you think of something, the better. If you keep me waiting too long it could totally fuck up some of my backup plans."

"Cool." Henry grins. "That could be fun. I'll be quick though. I'm a big fan of your work, so I want to make sure I get this right! Ask for something really special!"

"Ooookay." I reply, bemused in spite of everything. "Tell you what then. I'm going to go see my friends now. You lay low, think on things, and send one of your crows to talk to me when you've figured it out."

"Nya ha ha! Sure thing, mister butcher! I'll just sit back and _stew_ on things for a while."

My face falls at that. Was that a fucking meat pun? Really? "Not even the gravest of the atrocities I've committed can compare to what you just did to the very concept of humor in this moment. Good night."

I walk swiftly out of the alley, followed by the sound of cawing laughter accompanying Henry's distinctive giggling. Dreadful puns aside though, I can't help but feel the conversation went very well. Reluctant though Henry may be, he seems to like the idea of working with me more than the idea of seeing the Exalt die.

It looks like I may have a very powerful potential resource to work with now. I just have to hope now that I whatever price he asks for doesn't put me back in therapy.

* * *

I slow my pace down a block away from the tavern, making sure to catch my breath before returning. Thankfully the night air in the desert is cool enough that all my running around hasn't pushed me to break a sweat just yet. If anything I'm starting to feel properly chilled, honestly. I'm still not wearing a shirt, and as the night stretches on it has to be approaching freezing. Deserts are weird like that. Same thing that makes them so stupidly fucking hot in the day makes them cold as hell overnight. The ground just doesn't retain heat at all.

Thankfully everything inside the tavern seems to be exactly as I left it. The sound of laughter and general merriment from the tavern seems a safe sign that my disappearance wasn't noticed. Just in case though, I figure it's in my best interest to check my room for signs of any visitors.

Before I can grab the handle though the door swings inward, away from me, and somebody rushes out directly into me. They bounce off my chest in fact, running headfirst into me. I'd like to say I take the hit like a champ, but whoever it was clearly put enough effort into things to send me staggering. I stumble back into the wall, catching myself with one hand, and look up to see the person fall to the floor in my room with a shout of surprise that I identify as female.

"Shit, you alright there?" I grimace, expecting to see Lissa or Maribelle having come to check in on me. My expectations are proven wrong when I recognize a familiar head of red hair. "Cordelia?"

"Yes, I only injured my pride…" She replies, getting back to her feet and dusting herself off, when it seems to occur to her exactly who she's talking to. "Oh! Ben! I was worried something had happened to you!"

"Sorry to be a bother." I say as I straighten up. "Just had to run to the restroom. Did you need me for something?"

"Oh, not particularly." Cordelia replies with a shake of her head. "I just thought I'd bring you a change of clothing and was surprised to see you gone."

"Guess I woke up at a bad time." I chuckle. "I appreciate the assistance though. Not sure how we got by without you taking care of us."

"It's nothing special." Cordelia shrugs dismissively. "I just like to stay on top of things, that's all."

"Don't sell yourself short." I shake my head. "Robin's mentioned all the work you put into keeping our supplies in order, and all the trouble you've saved him since you joined. I consider myself a fairly organized person, but I could never manage all that. I have a hard time just making sure he has his clothing packed properly."

"I'm not convinced it's anything that impressive." Cordelia replies, frowning.

"It is." I say firmly. "It means a lot. To me, at least. You're the only member of the Shepherds who seems to have realized that I might want to cover up this fucked up disaster of a torso I've got."

"What?"

Cordelia glares sharply at me, and I flinch in spite of myself. Apparently I said something to piss her off? What happened? Did I say the G-word? What is this foot in my mouth and how did it get there? My eyes are transfixed by her own heated gaze, and my mind races as she continues to fume at me in silence. "Uhh, I know this is a painfully typical line to drop as a man, but, uhh… was it something I said?"

"Was it? Why don't you tell me?" Cordelia snaps. "Explain to me why you would think for even a solitary second that I would ever think such a thing about one of my closest friends!"

Oh. She's talking about… but… "I'm… I'm not judging you, Cordelia. I just… It's not pretty. It's more or less the opposite of that. I don't have any illusions about what happened to me. What all this," I gesture to the scars, "Looks like. It's not… I'm okay with it. My looks were never much to write home about anyways." I conclude with a self-deprecating chuckle.

Cordelia stares at me throughout all of this. By the end she no longer looks angry. More horrified, which was decidedly not what I was going for. Though, what it is I was going for is rapidly becoming unclear in retrospect. I think I might have just doubled down on making an ass of myself with Cordelia by doing my best to make an even bigger ass of myself?

Sometimes I really have to wonder just what the fuck is wrong with me.

Cordelia seems to have made her own mind up on that note though, because as I stand marvelling at my stupidity she is rapidly bearing down on me, glare fixing itself to her face once again. She's going to hit me! That's probably fair though. I'm not sure how to precisely define what I just said but it definitely falls within the broader category of 'asshole.' I close my eyes and lean back, anticipating her to slap me, or maybe do this Sumia style and just punch me straight in the face.

Some sort of cloth presses firmly against my shoulder. I tense, but no sharp pain comes. She's… not hitting me? I crack an eye open and look to see she's pushing the shirt she brought against me. Her eyes are still fixed on mine. As soon as I lock gazes with her I find myself trapped in place. She has red eyes. Did I know that already? I feel like this is the longest I've ever made eye contact with her.

"I brought this," Cordelia says sternly, "Because it gets cold at night. And I wanted to help you. Those are the only reasons. I would _never_ think such horrible things about you, let alone say them. And if I ever did stare at these," she places a hand firmly on my chest, bare fingers cool against the scar left there by Ezra's arrow all those months ago. The sudden physical contact startles me, but she doesn't notice, staring intently at the old wounds and surgical scars stretched like a spider web across my chest as she muses. "If you ever saw me staring at these scars, it was only ever meant in awe."

"…Awe?" I ask dumbly, doing my best to repress a shiver at her touch.

"Awe. That you could be so strong, to survive so much. That you possess the determination to fight on after all that happened to you. And even through all of that, you take the time to look after everyone around you. Chrom, Robin, your children…" She trails off at that, and while I'm sure it's just the dim lighting playing tricks on me, I can't help but think she's blushing.

Wishful thinking. Just because she respects you doesn't mean she's looking for a relationship, Ben. Don't go mistaking any positive interaction for romantic interest, that's how entitled asshole behavior is born. We have put those years and that sort of attitude well behind us.

Regardless… "Ever since what happened in Ferox, I've seen these scars as a badge of shame, you know." I say, turning my gaze down to my ruined chest. "I did so many horrible, ugly things there. I figured this was fate's way of making sure the outside matched the inside. Karmic retribution."

"What was it you said to me that night in Gelida Dominus?" Cordelia asks pointedly. "It kills me to see you act like you deserve even half of what you've been through. You don't." She gives me a small smile. "You're awesome."

My face suddenly feels… ah. I'm crying. "Shit!" I sob, rubbing at my eyes frantically, stepping back and breaking contact with her. "Sorry, I just… give me a second, alright?"

"…Do you need the shirt?" Cordelia asks, suddenly looking very unsure of herself.

"Best not." I grin, wiping tears all over my bare arms. "Gonna be wearing that in a minute, right?"

After that the two of us stand in awkward silence while I get my shit together. It takes me a little while to regain my composure, far longer than I'd like to admit. I feel… conflicted, to say the least. A part of me, that part of myself that I'm constantly at war with, is disgusted with myself. The idea of letting myself be so weak as to break down sobbing in front of a woman like this is the sort of thing I grew up thinking was taboo. It's not healthy, and I know that, but the stigma is there. It will always be there.

There's a far larger part of my brain though, that knows this is healthy. That I needed this. That I've been bottling things up all my life, especially recently. Crying isn't a weakness. It's just a healthy way to let out the pressure.

That said, regardless of how healthy it is, I'm still intensely thankful I'm not one of those people who gets all snotty when they cry. Making Cordelia uncomfortable enough as it is.

Finally though, the tears stop. By that point I'm a mess, snotty or not. Thankfully somebody did think to leave a wash basin in my room, probably so they could clean me up after today's debacle. It works wonders on my face and arms. Cordelia waits in the hall while I clean up, still seeming unsure of what to do with herself. I guess she's not used to having grown ass men sobbing all over themselves in front of her, which isn't particularly surprising now that I think of it.

"Alright, feeling much better now." I announce as I leave the room to rejoin her in the hall, sweeping my hair back out of my face. "Apparently I needed that. Sorry about the blubbering."

"I feel like I should be the one apologizing." Cordelia replies, looking contrite. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"Not upset." I shake my head emphatically. "Not like you're thinking. Just… overwhelmed. I know, in my head, that I shouldn't think about these the way I do." I place my hand over my chest again. "But… I really can't seem to stop it. So hearing you say that, just… it means a lot. Thank you."

"Any time." Cordelia says softly. She places her hand over mine, resting it on my scar. It feels different though. She's more tentative, now that the heat of the moment has faded. Once more she gazes up into my eyes, and I find myself transfixed. "Ben, I-"

"Oh, he's up!" A voice cries enthusiastically.

The two of us must jump nearly a foot in the air in surprise. Cordelia recovers first, pulling her hand back to her side and widening the distance between us by several steps. She was... close. Really close. And now she's trying desperately to act normally, thanks to the appearance of… oh, it's Sully.

Sully stands framed in the light from the hallway, face flushed from alcohol as she grins over at us. "I was wondering what was taking you so… uhh…" Her expression sobers as she looks at the two of us. "Did I just…?"

"Sorry for worrying you, Sully." Cordelia smiles over coolly. "I was just about to give Ben his change of clothes." She practically hurls the shirt at me and rushes down the hall, face bright red.

"Shit." Sully hisses, staring after Cordelia as she makes her exit. "I didn't realize I was interrupting you two. Been drinking more than I thought, I guess. Sorry about that."

A part of me wants to get upset. Wants to know what Cordelia was about to say. That part has unreal expectations of the world, though. The rest of me feels a lot more grounded now. Like that conversation was just a dream, and I've come back to reality.

That's a bit dramatic, of course. I don't actually think I was dreaming up the conversation. Just… might have been getting a bit carried away reading into the subtext. She was just… doing what I've done for her in the past. It's not like I had anything romantic on the brain when I've talked her through a crisis.

"You weren't." I say dully as I finally pull the shirt on. "Pretty sure she was just embarrassed because she knew you'd make that assumption."

Sully has to concentrate hard on that one, swaying a little in place. "You think?" She says uncertainly, looking back in the direction Cordelia ran.

"Of course." I roll my eyes. "Think about it. Woman like her with a walking disaster like me?" I know from experience; I'm not the sort of guy girls go for. I was too much of a mess of issues even before I came to this world. And now? I have twice as many issues, a reputation as some sort of murderous lunatic, and half the regard for morality I used to. Not exactly boyfriend material.

Sully's stare seems fit to burn a hole in the floor with how hard she's concentrating. After a while she looks up at me, expression resolute. "I've thought about it. And I've decided I'm too goddamn drunk for this shit. Ask me again tomorrow."

"You probably won't remember this tomorrow Sully." I joke, finally making my exit from the dark hallway and approaching her.

"Prob'ly not. That's good though. Never been much for sappy stuff." Sully shrugs, then claps me on the shoulder. "Now come on. That old guy you made friends with today has been asking about you."

"Gregor? He's alright then?"

"Yeah he's alright, dumbass. Wouldn't be partying if everyone wasn't okay, would we?"

That is a fantastic point, come to think of it. One that should have occurred to me as soon as I woke up. "Got me there, Sully." I grin. "Better get in on the action then. Haven't eaten in like, twelve hours!"

"Well shit, let's go do something about that!" Sully laughs, leading me into the tavern.

* * *

It turns out to be a far bigger party than I was expecting. Apparently the people we saved earlier with our little rampage are thrilled to have their town free of Grimleal. They're providing us with all the hospitality they can spare. That only really adds up to a couple extra kegs of ale and a nice place to stop for the night, but everyone seems to have decided it makes for a fine excuse to cut loose. The tavern is packed, filled to the brim with Feroxi, Shepherds, and Plegian citizens, all working hard to get noisy and shitfaced.

Most of the Shepherds are present, with only Gaius (stable, but still on the mend), Maribelle (still looking after Gaius), and the more reclusive Shepherds like Panne and Lon'qu absent. The rest of us drink, eat well, and have a good time for the next few hours before Frederick finally declares that enough is enough and sends us all to bed before we're too hungover to march the next day. Though if that was his goal he was probably late by an hour or two. Some of the Shepherds were already hammered by the time I had arrived.

It's good to see everyone made it through alright after I passed out though. Only notable injury besides Gaius was Vaike, who apparently was buried by a collapsing sand dune and needed Miriel to dig him out with a wind spell. The others were all fine, having caught the Grimleal completely off guard and already exhausted from chasing my group all over the damn place. Just one more reason to celebrate, as far as I'm concerned.

All this means that by the time I'm returning to my room in the back of the tavern I'm in fairly high spirits. I've forgotten about today's fuster-cluck of a mission, forgotten about whatever was happening between Cordelia and I before Sully showed up.

Forgot about Henry.

Never a good idea to forget about Henry when he has his eyes on you. I should know this, with all the bonus knowledge I have, but I guess experience is a far more potent teacher.

When I get back to my bedroom he's waiting for me. I almost miss him at first, even with his pale skin standing out in the shadows. He's lurking by the window, grinning over at me. "I've decided." He murmurs, eyes gleaming in the dark.

I notice him just in time to avoid jumping at that, which is pretty critical as far as I'm concerned. No way it's a good idea to let Henry know he can sneak up on me that easily. "The fuck are you doing here?" I growl, closing the door behind me. "I told you to send a bird."

"I thought about it." Henry says, leaning casually against the wall. "But I noticed that somebody almost noticed you were gone. So I thought I'd be a good friend and come to you so that wouldn't be a problem!"

"A good friend, huh?" I frown. "You've certainly become attached rather quickly."

"I thought scheming was something friends do together." Henry shrugs, tilting his head just enough to make his grin suddenly a hundred times creepier. "Is that a problem? Do you not want to be my friend?"

Honestly I'm not sure it matters. Henry strikes me as the sort of person to be just as okay with murdering a friend as he is with an enemy. I don't actually know if he's capable of true friendship; he might be limited to some weird, vaguely homicidal, Henry version of the idea. Still, best to play it safe. Play along. I throw my arms wide open, smiling as I declare, "Sure, we can be friends. You're going to be helping me after all!"

"Yay!" Henry closes in, clapping his hands on my shoulders. I freeze up immediately. Wasn't actually inviting him to get close. I was just being dramatic. Better get over it fast though. Not a good time to let him know I'm less than okay with being near him. I clap a hand to his shoulder in return, and note that he's light enough for me to pick up and swing around the room. Kid's skinny as a rail.

"So… you said you decided on something?" I say breaking contact and wandering over to the window, making sure to keep an eye on him. "You know what your price is?"

"Yes! I thought about it, and there's two things I want." Henry says eagerly.

"Two, huh?" I muse. Not what we agreed on, but I do need him. "Let me hear them first."

"Okay!" Henry grins. "First: I want to join the Shepherds!"

"You do?" I blink, thinking over the implications. That would be jumping the gun a bit, but I don't think that's a huge deal. He's supposed to join in a couple years anyways. And it's not like he's one of those plot critical characters who are likely to fuck things up through sheer presence.

"I was watching you all party together. It looked like a lot of fun! So I want to have fun with all of you." Henry says, bouncing on his feet.

"You want that enough to turn against the Grimleal?" I say suspiciously. "Don't you have friends there?"

"I have a friend in the Shepherds now too!" Henry shrugs. "So I'd be killing friends no matter which side I joined."

Oddly flawless logic from a demented murderer. "I'll see what I can do. I've vouched for people before and it's worked out well. But I'll warn you now, the Shepherds don't have any tolerance for wanton murder."

"Really?" Henry frowns, "I thought you did wanton murder."

…

Okay, that one kinda hurt to hear. Apparently I'm not quite as used to the rumors as I thought I was. "Not exactly. The Shepherds… try to enact justice. Some of us don't always succeed in being just, but it's always the goal. The reason people won't shut up about me is because what I did in Ferox was an outlier. A big one."

"Huh… that sounds complicated." Henry says thoughtfully. "I dunno if I can do that. But I bet if I do a good job of killing your enemies they won't really be able to complain."

"Just remember that they have their own rules about what a good job is." I reply. "Avoiding collateral damage, for one."

"This is a lot of rules." Henry muses. "I thought you were supposed to be doing something nice for me."

"You said you wanted to join the Shepherds." I reply coolly. "That means acting like a Shepherd. Or at least putting in the effort."

"Hmm, I suppose that's true!" Henry muses. "Well I guess I'll still try it. It was the second thing I was really interested in anyways."

Damned if that isn't a troubling statement from this lunatic. "What's your second request?"

Henry leans towards me, the moonlight shining through the window catching his head so that he seems to glow white like some sort of fucking ghost. "I want you to kill me."

I stare blankly at him. "You… what?"

"I want you to kill me!" Henry repeats eagerly. "Not right away, mind you. I still want to try being a Shepherd first. But when that's done I want you to kill me in the best way you can imagine!"

"The best way, huh?" I echo, feeling somewhat faint. I've been speaking with this kid for less than a night and he just won't stop topping himself in sheer insanity.

"I've always wanted to die a spectacular, gory, death." Henry explains. "And I've heard all kinds of people talking about how good you are at killing people. You seem like an interesting person too, as far as I can tell. So I figure if I want to die in the absolute best way possible you'd be the best person to do it! I thought of it while I was watching you earlier and I just got so excited I couldn't stand still!" He hops in place to display said excitement, bouncing on his heels and grinning up at me.

"You think very highly of me, huh?" I groan. What the fuck am I supposed to do about this? I know he's a bit of a dangerous freak, but I'm not exactly interested in killing the kid. I suppose my answer has to be the same either way though. "Fine. I'll do it." I finally say, holding out a hand for him to shake.

Why not just tell the kid what he wants to hear? I get the help I need to save Emmeryn's life, he gets to put all those murder skills of his to use. And honestly with the way this kid acts I wouldn't be surprised if I did have to do something drastic down the road. Hard to believe, but the game actually downplayed his creep factor.

Henry stares quietly as he takes my hand. "You're lying to me again. I can tell."

"Not really. I won't deny that I don't like the idea, but I'll stand by what I said." I shrug with my free arm. "As much as I don't want to kill you, I'll think of something. Since it means so much to you." I force myself to appear as casual as I can manage. Henry is sharp for all his disturbing tendencies, so lying to him is a dangerous prospect. It's harder to not tense up with him than it is with most people, and that's exactly the sort of body language that tends to tip people off.

"Hmm…" Henry stares intensely at me for several long seconds. I keep my face relaxed through force of will, pushing myself to breathe normally in spite of the fear clutching at my chest. Then, finally, his expression brightens up, and he starts pumping my hand. "Well alright then! I guess I'll help you save that Exalt lady."

"Pleasure to be working with you." I grin. "Now then, here's the plan…"

* * *

 **For those who aren't aware, Bodega Bay is the setting of Alfred Hitchcock's 1963 classic "The Birds".**

 **Nice to finally write Ben learning how to use his reputation instead of lamenting it. Unfortunately, he still has a ways to go before he can stop himself from believing it.**

 **True ship finally revealed. The real OTP is Ben/Denial. As much as I'd like to elaborate on the reasons behind his thoughts though, they'll be elaborated on in story later.**

 **As always, I invite you all to join the Fanfiction Treehouse Discord. It's a good time for anyone who likes to talk writing, gaming, or writing about gaming. A lot of my good friends and fellow writers are regulars there, and we gladly welcome anyone regardless of writing skill or history.  
discord .gg/9XG3U7a**

 **Next time: Chapter 9 begins.**


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